The War Between the Pitiful Teachers and the Splendid Kids

by Stanley Kiesel

Shark-infested rice pudding didn't work. Eating Mrs. Jerome didn't work. Even stealing Mr. Snockadocka's beloved Grammar Charts didn't work. There was only one choice left. And that was war!

And what a war it was! The kids had Skinny Malinky, the worst kid of them all--but the teachers had Mr. Foreclosure. The kids had Big Alice, but the teachers had the Rococo Knight. The kids had Honor, Truth, Justice, and Freedom on their side. The teachers had...The Status Quo Solidifier!
The Staus Quo Solidifier, the insidious plan of scheming Mr. Foreclosure, would turn the kids into Perfect Young People before they knew it. But Skinny Malinky knew it, and he vowed revenge!

But first things first: It all started at a school called Scratchland, where there was a rule for every exception--and an exception to every rule!

Genres: Fiction, Young Adult, Fantasy, Childrens, School

207 pages, Paperback

First published December 10, 1980

Reviews

[P. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been trying to remember and find this book for years (on my own). I finally broke down and posted my vague and possibly wrongly muddled-by-time description of it on my library blog and a wonderful colleague thought it sounded like this book. And it was.

You may be able to imagine the kind of deep psychological relief I felt to have this particular book found. It was like not being able to remember a word for years and finally someone's like "OH, you mean ____."

So the book had assumed this importance to me that I wasn't even sure was due to the enjoyment I had orginally gotten from reading the book in the first place. It was important enough that I wanted to remember it in the first place, but I wasn't sure if the apparent fruitlessness of the search had made it exponentially more important.

It holds up well and was probably my first encounter with magical realism (as opposed to mythology/fantasy, which I had already read and lurved), which is probably why it stuck in my head. There's a teacher eating scene that I remember reading over and over again in disbelief. This time around I didn't identify with the kids as much as before, but I also wasn't on the teacher side. For this reason the war itself seemed more arbitrary than I remembered. But, yeah, basically still an awesome book.

PS: Once I had the title again, I checked back to my home library's card catalog and they still have the copy I first read. (!) I should just go back there and relive my early reading life. I owe that library a lot, imagination-wise.

[David Hincapie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't think or talk about this book without choking up. Ms. Hartwig, my sixth grade teacher in primary school assigned this book. She was already a mature woman by then and I still wonder what was in her subversive heart when she chose this book.
When a book for twelve year olds has villains with something called The Status Quo Solidifier, and the hero is a near-outcast named Skinny Malinsky, well, you know you're in for a yarn and a caper.

As far as I can tell it is out of print. If you find a copy, get it. Read it for yourself first, then give it to your kid, your niece, your nephew, anyone. It might seem slight or absurd to an adult. But I guarantee you that ten-year-old in your life will love it.

But remember when you read it, you can't read it with your grown-up heart. You have to dig deep, go back, find that ten or eleven or twelve year-old. You have to go back to when the seedling of your intellect had just begun to soak in the sun. When you began to ask questions.
Why? Says who? Why do the grown-ups whisper when that talk about that? Why are they obviously lying to me about this? Can't they tell that I can tell they're holding something back?

Find that kid, open this book, and read.

[Dan Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Subversive, clever, and a little bit surreal (ok, more than a little bit). Just some of the best juvenile fiction I've ever come across.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely my favorite childrens' book growing up -- this book was not about classroom hijinks but, rather, a war, of sorts, between children and teachers. Combat, diplomacy, deceit, and treachery. I tracked down a few copies, so you can borrow one from me if you'd like to check it out.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't remember this book well enough to write an actual review, since I read it as maybe a pre-teen (a little older than the book was written for, I think I remember).

BUT I remember that it loomed large in my young revolutionary consciousness, and that it was unlike any other book I'd read. Basically the teachers of an elementary school are persecuting the kids, trying to to homogenize them with an evil individuality-crushing machine, and so the kids start an actual killing war against their teachers, and take over the school.

I had a dream I was in this story again a few years ago. Read it, it's the greatest.

I wonder if anybody would print such a book nowadays.

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, which I think my mom bought as a discard from the library. I could see why it was discarded. Dark, irreverent, sometimes dissatisfying, but for me the book had a twisted and savage freedom that I really responded to and caused me to re-read it a number of times despite being at times less than satisfied. It was addictive at that time in my life when I was going through typical early adolescent issues.

[Clifford Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was reading this book back in the 80's and was thoroughly enjoying it. I never got to finish this book, why you may ask? Because someone ripped a page from the book. It has bugged me for over 20 years. I could not remember the name of the book for years and finally did a google search with things I remembered from the book. Of course there isn't a kindle version of this book so my search goes on to finally finish this book.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so important to me in middle school that I gave my copy to a high school English teacher as an example of a must-read-for-kids.

[Basil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought this was a realistic fiction and was pleasantly surprised. Pretty confusing though, and it doesn't exactly have a real ending. It kinda just ends

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't think I'm in the target audience for this book *at all*. I actually rather enjoyed school, and while I see the humor in the story, it just didn't grab me in any way.

I think this book might do very well for 8 - 11 year-olds who aren't having any fun with reading, but as someone who's always loved reading and is certainly out of that age bracket, it's just not for me.

[G-phy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I always buy this book when I see it and there are parts of it that are so great, but I never know until I re-read it why it always kind of annoys me. Well, I finished it last night and here it is: It doesn't make a lot of sense and it just ends with millions of loose ends. Still a fun read though.

UP WITH WORMS*!


*bookworms.

[Conrad · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an amazing surreal children's book about a bunch of Kids who overthrow teachers and take over their schools. As if that wasn't enough, it goes further and further into the fantastic, introducing a talking ant, a soul-changing machine, a legion of runaway children and an attack on teacherdom through the sewers. It's funny, sweet, poignant, all in one.

[Jon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not nearly as funny as I remember it being when I was ten, and weirdly disjoint, with odd gaps in the narrative. Not much of an ending since it flows right into the not-terribly-available sequel.

[Ravyn Shadowdrake · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book rocked out loud. A must for tweens everywhere

[Rae · Rating 2 out of 5]

After years of persecution, schoolchildren led by Skinny Malinky finally declare "war" on their teachers. Quite far-fetchd. Or is it?

[Deidre · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I'd like it better if I hadn't ever read any Jasper Fforde - I feel like he could have written it better.

[tobes · Rating 5 out of 5]

best book of my childhood

[Arlene Allen · Rating 3 out of 5]

No memory of this at all. Will have to read it again, though, because the reviews on amazon are wonderful. Sounds like my kind of book which is probably why I read it in the first place.

[Grier · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I may be a few years too late reading this. I couldn't get into it.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I fondly remember my fifth grade teacher reading this to our class. It was so subversive to me then, and I have always loved the surreal.

[Sarah]

I read half of this, left this at work for a week, and couldn't get the thread back.

[Katugers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was one of my most re-read books as an elementary student in the 80's. Re-reading it as an adult who is now a teacher/elementary librarian is so awesome!

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book in the fifth grade and never found the sequel (it was a cliff-hanger.)

[Olivia Busenbark · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm going to order this and read it again but I loved it as a kid.