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I Make Envy on Your Disco
Winner of the Barbara DiBernard Prize in Fiction
It’s the new millennium and the anxiety of midlife is creeping up on Sam Singer, a thirty-seven-year-old art advisor. Fed up with his partner and his life in New York, Sam flies to Berlin to attend a gallery opening. There he finds a once-divided city facing an identity crisis of its own. In Berlin the past is everywhere: the graffiti-stained streets, the candlelit cafés and techno clubs, the astonishing mash-up of architecture, monuments, and memorials.
A trip that begins in isolation evolves into one of deep connection and possibility. In an intensely concentrated series of days, Sam finds himself awash in the city, stretched in limbo between his own past and future—in nightclubs with Jeremy, a lonely wannabe DJ; navigating a flirtation with Kaspar, an East Berlin artist he meets at a café; and engaged in a budding relationship with Magda, the enigmatic and icy manager of Sam’s hotel, whom Sam finds himself drawn to, and determined to thaw. I Make Envy on Your Disco is at once a tribute to Berlin, a novel of longing and connection, and a coming-of-middle-age story about confronting the person you were and becoming the person you want to be.
It’s the new millennium and the anxiety of midlife is creeping up on Sam Singer, a thirty-seven-year-old art advisor. Fed up with his partner and his life in New York, Sam flies to Berlin to attend a gallery opening. There he finds a once-divided city facing an identity crisis of its own. In Berlin the past is everywhere: the graffiti-stained streets, the candlelit cafés and techno clubs, the astonishing mash-up of architecture, monuments, and memorials.
A trip that begins in isolation evolves into one of deep connection and possibility. In an intensely concentrated series of days, Sam finds himself awash in the city, stretched in limbo between his own past and future—in nightclubs with Jeremy, a lonely wannabe DJ; navigating a flirtation with Kaspar, an East Berlin artist he meets at a café; and engaged in a budding relationship with Magda, the enigmatic and icy manager of Sam’s hotel, whom Sam finds himself drawn to, and determined to thaw. I Make Envy on Your Disco is at once a tribute to Berlin, a novel of longing and connection, and a coming-of-middle-age story about confronting the person you were and becoming the person you want to be.
289 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2024
106 people are currently reading
5656 people want to read
About the author
Eric Schnall
1 book60 followersEric has worked on and off Broadway as a producer and marketing director for more than twenty-five years. He won a Tony Award for the Broadway revival of Hedwig and the Angry Inch and a Lucille Lortel Award for Fleabag. He has also written about techno and electronic music for Billboard and Revolution, profiling DJs and musicians from around the world. Eric lives in New York City with his partner and his dog. I MAKE ENVY ON YOUR DISCO—winner of the Barbara DiBernard Prize in Fiction—is his first novel.
Instagram: @ericschnall
Instagram: @ericschnall
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 213 reviews
May 6, 2024
This was a wonderful and surprising gem of a novel, and possibly the best book I’ve read this year. Great characters, and a deep sense of place. It’s the kind of book that I’d like to give as a gift to friends. It’s a good choice for anyone who has ever taken their wounded selves to Europe, or dreamed of doing so, and gotten lost or found in the process. I read it very quickly until the last 40 pages, which I then parceled out because I wanted to stay in Berlin longer. Five stars. Loved it.
February 21, 2025
One of the best reading experiences I’ve had in a while. One of those books that will make you rethink your high ratings on other books.
All I knew going into it was that it was about a 30 something year old art advisor, who goes to Berlin and his experience. You should go into it with only that same knowledge.
As soon as I finished I went back and skimmed parts of it I wanted to re-read again. Characters and dialogue so real you will forget this is fiction. Such great writing. HIGHLY recommend.
“I can’t figure out what to wear. Berlin seems so determinedly casual yet effortlessly chic. It’s a tricky combination. I’m not as fashion savvy, or nearly as daring, as I was when I was young, when I’d go dancing in a vest, army boots, and a kilt. One morning after I left a club, a car pulled up beside me and a man leaned out the window. “Two hundred,”he said. “For what?” I asked. “For you.” He rolled his eyes and sped away. It’s sort of nice, that someone wanted to buy me once.”
All I knew going into it was that it was about a 30 something year old art advisor, who goes to Berlin and his experience. You should go into it with only that same knowledge.
As soon as I finished I went back and skimmed parts of it I wanted to re-read again. Characters and dialogue so real you will forget this is fiction. Such great writing. HIGHLY recommend.
“I can’t figure out what to wear. Berlin seems so determinedly casual yet effortlessly chic. It’s a tricky combination. I’m not as fashion savvy, or nearly as daring, as I was when I was young, when I’d go dancing in a vest, army boots, and a kilt. One morning after I left a club, a car pulled up beside me and a man leaned out the window. “Two hundred,”he said. “For what?” I asked. “For you.” He rolled his eyes and sped away. It’s sort of nice, that someone wanted to buy me once.”
May 26, 2024
Quite possibly one of my favourite books of all time. I LOVED IT!! Really didn’t want it to end, I feel like it will stay with me forever. Read on kindle! Purchased physical copy for my library!! I have now also added Berlin to my travel list..
Art dealer and life long New Yorker who can’t figure out his life jumps on a plane to Berlin. The trip begins in isolation but evolves into one of deep connection and possibility.
If it was possible I could give it more stars I would!! A must read!!
Art dealer and life long New Yorker who can’t figure out his life jumps on a plane to Berlin. The trip begins in isolation but evolves into one of deep connection and possibility.
If it was possible I could give it more stars I would!! A must read!!
May 7, 2025
The opening pages of this novel are exquisitely wrought, presenting—both lyrically and whimsically—Berlin as a confounding mystery. Sam is a private art consultant from New York and has just arrived in Berlin for a brief stay to attend an opening exhibition and visit some galleries. Everything in Berlin is an anthropological curiosity. The windows open differently and the toilet is operated by a pedal. As he realizes, the word "bitte" can mean anything from "please" to "you're welcome" to "may I help you?" He is staying between Grosse Präsidentenstrasse and Oranienburger Strasse, and as he adds wryly, "that's two streets and sixteen syllables". Sam has come to Berlin to see an exhibit Ostalgie at the Zukunftsgallerie. It's a riddle for Berlin itself: Ostalgie is a portmanteau of "Ost" (meaning "east") and "nostalgia" and it refers to the wistful memories of East Berlin, not of its oppressive regime but of the quotidian things—as simple as a discontinued brand of orange juice—that were once ubiquitous in the meager communist markets but then instantly disappeared when the Wall fell. So, ironically, as its opening avant-garde piece, the Zukunftsgallerie (or in English, The Future Gallery) looks backwards. The press materials on the exhibit just muddy the temporalities more: the program notes of the Future Gallery retitle the exhibit as "Immediate/Present", explaining the collection of artefacts as an attempt to remember and understand the irretrievable past in order to arrive at the present. It distills the spirit of Berlin: trendy and trend-busting but also retrospective and romanticizing, a place of constant rebuilding and ephemeral graffiti but also omnipresent monuments and commemorations—past, present, future all folded into one.
Behind all his wide-eyed wonder, Sam is also trying to hide from the problems in his relationship. He and his boyfriend, Daniel, are at a crossroads in their own presents and futures; their relationship has fizzled and they disagree about whether to adopt a child and what to do with their lives. Berlin offers Sam an escapist fantasy: ecstasy, discotheks, rave parties, new people. He befriends an expat from New York, Jeremy, who, in some ways like him, left New York to remake his life and who, also like him, is desperately alone. Sam meets a younger, lithe and attractive, man named Kaspar (who is often simply referred to as K—like some mysterious protagonist of a Kafka novel); Sam becomes infatuated with Magda, the hotel manager, who is urbane and alluring, matronly but seductive, the embodiment of European cool. Sam is a passive figure—much like Christopher in Isherwood's Goodbye To Berlin. He is a tourist to Berlin, in love with the city, orbiting around the bigger personalities that inhabit it, observing their foibles, offering repartee but never really making decisions, a creature of wanderlust. For similar reasons, Sam reminded me of Damon Galgut's In a Strange Room, about a gay hiker in South Africa half in love with his fellow travelers, seeking out new places and recording the world around him. In its bantering dialogue and light comic touch, the novel has a lot in common with Andrew Sean Greer's Less, a similar story of a gay man with a hopeless love life setting out on an Odyssean book-tour for a refreshing change of scenery.
I liked it overall. It's a sentimentalizing portrait of a city which has its own unique kind of queer temporality. Sam is now thirty-seven-years old but, unlike his straight friends, he cannot so easily have children (and, set in the early 2000s in the Bush presidency, there is no same-sex marriage). His life lacks the conventional rituals of adulthood: marriage, children, family. He doesn't own a car; he rides the subway alone. His body is middle-aged but, like many gay men, he still feels unmoored and adolescent. Berlin mirrors his own fractured sense of self and twisted timelines—a city with painful histories and constant novelty, a city haunted by its 20th-century past but hosting a 24-hour party schedule. In Berlin, Sam deludedly hopes he can escape his past, relive his twenties and reimagine a new future.
Behind all his wide-eyed wonder, Sam is also trying to hide from the problems in his relationship. He and his boyfriend, Daniel, are at a crossroads in their own presents and futures; their relationship has fizzled and they disagree about whether to adopt a child and what to do with their lives. Berlin offers Sam an escapist fantasy: ecstasy, discotheks, rave parties, new people. He befriends an expat from New York, Jeremy, who, in some ways like him, left New York to remake his life and who, also like him, is desperately alone. Sam meets a younger, lithe and attractive, man named Kaspar (who is often simply referred to as K—like some mysterious protagonist of a Kafka novel); Sam becomes infatuated with Magda, the hotel manager, who is urbane and alluring, matronly but seductive, the embodiment of European cool. Sam is a passive figure—much like Christopher in Isherwood's Goodbye To Berlin. He is a tourist to Berlin, in love with the city, orbiting around the bigger personalities that inhabit it, observing their foibles, offering repartee but never really making decisions, a creature of wanderlust. For similar reasons, Sam reminded me of Damon Galgut's In a Strange Room, about a gay hiker in South Africa half in love with his fellow travelers, seeking out new places and recording the world around him. In its bantering dialogue and light comic touch, the novel has a lot in common with Andrew Sean Greer's Less, a similar story of a gay man with a hopeless love life setting out on an Odyssean book-tour for a refreshing change of scenery.
I liked it overall. It's a sentimentalizing portrait of a city which has its own unique kind of queer temporality. Sam is now thirty-seven-years old but, unlike his straight friends, he cannot so easily have children (and, set in the early 2000s in the Bush presidency, there is no same-sex marriage). His life lacks the conventional rituals of adulthood: marriage, children, family. He doesn't own a car; he rides the subway alone. His body is middle-aged but, like many gay men, he still feels unmoored and adolescent. Berlin mirrors his own fractured sense of self and twisted timelines—a city with painful histories and constant novelty, a city haunted by its 20th-century past but hosting a 24-hour party schedule. In Berlin, Sam deludedly hopes he can escape his past, relive his twenties and reimagine a new future.
October 31, 2025
This was such a treat – an instant favourite.
June 26, 2025
One of the most beautifully written books that I have read in a long time. The sense of place and being torn between two selves is both intense and subtle.
A book to relate to, to enjoy and to take comfort in.
I laughed and I loved with every page.
A book to relate to, to enjoy and to take comfort in.
I laughed and I loved with every page.
March 18, 2025
I envy this book—the prose, the people, the place, the possibilities.
February 25, 2025
4.5 🌟 but I might well round it up to 5 if it continues to haunt me.
This is one of those books where you can hardly believe it was a debut because the writing was so assured it was effortless. Everything about this book was effortless. The fantastically embodied characters, the deeply felt sense of place, the super smart emotional arcs, even with the side characters, and only in the space of a few short days. And the dialogue, oh my God, I've rarely encountered such effortlessly realistic dialogue - honestly, it read like a transcript of a documentary or a travelogue or something. If you just want to study good dialogue, then this is the book for you! Essentially, this is a story about growing older and feeling lost (particularly as a gay man) but then finding yourself again in the most surprising of places. But honestly, you should just go into it knowing as little as possible and let the gorgeous prose carry you. It's also the perfect length, with the perfect ending, although by the end I was so involved I could've easily handled another 300 pages of Sam, Magda and Jeremy just wandering around Berlin, looking at art, eating in restaurants and shit talking each other. A truly stunning slice-of-life story that made me burst into surprised tears several times near the end. Warm, witty, introspective, heartfelt and powerful.
This is one of those books where you can hardly believe it was a debut because the writing was so assured it was effortless. Everything about this book was effortless. The fantastically embodied characters, the deeply felt sense of place, the super smart emotional arcs, even with the side characters, and only in the space of a few short days. And the dialogue, oh my God, I've rarely encountered such effortlessly realistic dialogue - honestly, it read like a transcript of a documentary or a travelogue or something. If you just want to study good dialogue, then this is the book for you! Essentially, this is a story about growing older and feeling lost (particularly as a gay man) but then finding yourself again in the most surprising of places. But honestly, you should just go into it knowing as little as possible and let the gorgeous prose carry you. It's also the perfect length, with the perfect ending, although by the end I was so involved I could've easily handled another 300 pages of Sam, Magda and Jeremy just wandering around Berlin, looking at art, eating in restaurants and shit talking each other. A truly stunning slice-of-life story that made me burst into surprised tears several times near the end. Warm, witty, introspective, heartfelt and powerful.
July 31, 2025
Loved this. Charmingly written and captures what it’s like to experience both New York and Berlin so well. Has slight Intermezzo vibes. Definitely left me full of Nostalgie. If I randomly up and move to Berlin, this book is the reason why.
August 26, 2025
This was so wonderful, I was SO sad to be done with it. I just want to read about Sam, Magda, and Jeremy on and on until I’m 100% positive that they all have the happy ending they deserve.
June 30, 2024
I loved this book! A total delight. Loved the characters and no doubt middle-aged NYer having midlife crisis in Berlin was easy to identify with lol.
July 20, 2025
10/10 DEVOURED THIS!!!! Finally picked up ahead of Berlin on Wednesday and couldn’t have been happier with my reading experience.
Classic fish out of water but really utilized the city and its characters to tell a story about living with ghosts - both physical and psychological - and how the dance floor and glimmering lights can be the perfect place to process.
A MUCH better version of Less for the girls in the know. Absolutely loved the ending and has me wanting more (like any book/city does)!!!
Classic fish out of water but really utilized the city and its characters to tell a story about living with ghosts - both physical and psychological - and how the dance floor and glimmering lights can be the perfect place to process.
A MUCH better version of Less for the girls in the know. Absolutely loved the ending and has me wanting more (like any book/city does)!!!
August 24, 2025
Perspective is one of the most foundational factors in writing a good story. I Make Envy of Your Disco has a clear, distinct perspective: a late-thirties gay man struggling with his long-term relationship and searching for meaning in a new city. I appreciated this because I cannot think of many books written from this point of view. As someone who is in my early 30s, this made me consider the different emotions of aging.
I thought it was interesting that Daniel, Sam's partner, is a character in the story but only heard from via flashback. The supporting characters in this book are memorable and the author gives them enough depth to feel human.
Another beautiful slice-of-life story for 2024. I really had fun with this one. It reminded me of In Tongues from earlier this year. This was just the type of read that I needed at the moment. This story really makes me want to visit Berlin. I hope this book gets more press because it deserves some recognition.
I thought it was interesting that Daniel, Sam's partner, is a character in the story but only heard from via flashback. The supporting characters in this book are memorable and the author gives them enough depth to feel human.
Another beautiful slice-of-life story for 2024. I really had fun with this one. It reminded me of In Tongues from earlier this year. This was just the type of read that I needed at the moment. This story really makes me want to visit Berlin. I hope this book gets more press because it deserves some recognition.
January 26, 2025
A character-driven story of one man's early midlife crisis, with the two best dramatis personae being Magda and the Berlin of 20 years ago. While both feature prominently, the reader is with protagonist Sam Singer from start to finish. Don't get me wrong: I found him endearing. His overwhelming uncertainties, though, - the cyclic angst of not knowing who you are or what you want - grew tiresome in the final third. My response may also have had something to do with the rise to prominence of Jeremy as a foil for Sam's existential musings. He edged towards insufferable at certain points.
3.5 stars
3.5 stars
December 27, 2024
Why did Sam come to Berlin? For work? For love? For the night clubs? For the art? For the history? Or, for the nostalgia of 80's New York? Join him as he discovers a new city, meets interesting characters, and broods on his life before turning forty.
This is a wonderful book for armchair travel and in my own opinion, provides the reader with an experience of a lifetime. Berlin is a place where "couples kiss each other like they are starving, where ghosts roam on every corner, where it's as cold as borscht, and where the night begins at eleven."
This is a wonderful book for armchair travel and in my own opinion, provides the reader with an experience of a lifetime. Berlin is a place where "couples kiss each other like they are starving, where ghosts roam on every corner, where it's as cold as borscht, and where the night begins at eleven."
September 28, 2025
One of the best novels I've read in years. Detailed, well-drawn, funny, and with gorgeous prose, this tale of an American, Sam, in Berlin and his supporting cast talks profoundly about growing up and maybe, just maybe, starting over.
December 7, 2024
Wow. Totally absorbing, part travelogue, part mid-life crisis; unexpectedly heartfelt, prickly and witty, such wonderful characters. Enjoyed ever so much. Sehr gut! Wunderbar.
October 18, 2025
Just the loveliest gem of a book. This is for all of us who’ve found ourselves jet lagged in a foreign city feeling a little lost and overwhelmed but also excited by the idea of the unknown. I didn’t want this to end. Highly recommend for anyone who loves exploring cities and cherishes the randomness of life.
July 2, 2024
A fascinating travelogue about a gay man finding himself in Berlin, I really enjoyed the quiet introspection of the protagonist. I expected partying and queer debauchery but instead I got a very adult novel about a man at a crossroads, desperate for connection and yearning for meaning. I love reading about people in their late thirties trying to make sense of the lives they've built for themselves. I also just really want to go to Berlin now.
Dialogue heavy but the last half (once the characters gel) really worked for me. I wish we had gotten more of the mc's mother as well.
Dialogue heavy but the last half (once the characters gel) really worked for me. I wish we had gotten more of the mc's mother as well.
August 9, 2025
I may come back and expand on this but the most important top-line note is that this was just a truly enjoyable reading experience and I was not ready for it to end. Blessed by a cast of interesting, fun characters with depth and an immense amount to say.
—-
"As we say: die Kirschen in Nachbars Garten schmecken immer ein bisschen süßer."
"Wow. What does that all mean?"
"I do not know if it is the same expression for you. It means the cherries in the neighbor's garden always taste a bit sweeter."
"Oh, yes. We say, 'The grass is always greener."
—-
"As we say: die Kirschen in Nachbars Garten schmecken immer ein bisschen süßer."
"Wow. What does that all mean?"
"I do not know if it is the same expression for you. It means the cherries in the neighbor's garden always taste a bit sweeter."
"Oh, yes. We say, 'The grass is always greener."
April 27, 2025
Intriguing, relatable characters. Vivid sense of place. Really enjoyed this book. It was the perfect little trip away from everything that I needed right now.
May 13, 2025
i have never felt so seen by a book. wie schön.
October 3, 2025
Everything about this novel worked for me! and now I'm even more excited for an upcoming trip to Berlin! (I've already booked my reservation at Henne!!)
August 5, 2025
I found this audiobook quite affecting. Ostalgie, nostalgia, a theme of the book and how it made me feel. Lovely. Amazing narration.
Editing my review because I'm still thinking about this book and the narration. I'm having a hard time picturing reading it, not listening. In fact, I'd like to listen again, preferably on an overnight train somewhere in Europe.
Editing my review because I'm still thinking about this book and the narration. I'm having a hard time picturing reading it, not listening. In fact, I'd like to listen again, preferably on an overnight train somewhere in Europe.
August 6, 2025
Wow
Wow
Wow
Brilliant novel. And now I want to revisit Berlin.
To paraphrase another reviewer, I’m wondering why I’ve given five stars to so many other novels that are not quite as deserving
Wow
Wow
Brilliant novel. And now I want to revisit Berlin.
To paraphrase another reviewer, I’m wondering why I’ve given five stars to so many other novels that are not quite as deserving
April 21, 2025
The characters in this book feel so real that I kept forgetting it was fiction. I am an American living in Berlin, and this book reminded me why I first fell in love with the city.
July 26, 2025
I really enjoyed this book. I don’t think I’ve read anything that better describes the joy and possibility of international travel, especially alone. Highly recommend.
July 14, 2024
"I Make Envy on Your Disco" is my favorite read of the year. The main character, Sam, in Berlin for the first time alone, is at a crossroads in his life, and his thoughts and actions are highly relatable to anyone (read everyone) whose ever reached a point where they need to decide what road their life will follow. Sam is surrounded by some of my favorite supporting characters in a long time, an unexpected group that quickly create a type of family for Sam. Each character is skillfully drawn and emotionally compelling--I frankly can't pick a favorite. Equally parts funny and touching, this is a book that has stuck with me, the kind of book that makes you think long after you close its pages. Schnall is a deft writer, who brings both his Berlin landscape and his characters alive. I've left wanting to visit Berlin and looking forward to hearing more from this talented debut writer, hopefully about Sam and co.
August 6, 2025
The quality of this book I enjoyed the most was that I had no idea where it was going. By that, I mean that the outcome of the plot lines wasn't obvious and it kept my attention wondering where the ride was taking us. Being a middle-aged gay, I understood a lot of the inner machinations of Sam's mind and understand that type of listlessness you can feel with aspects of your life. The author did a great job of painting an image of Berlin at that time. The relationships between locals and an American tourist were as authentic as anything I've read recently. Most of all, we learn how a visit to a new city, whether work or personal, can really impact your life and influence you in ways you can't predict. Best of all, you have no idea where it's going - and an original story outside of an archetypal plot line in contemporary fiction is a real gem.
July 17, 2024
If you've been to Berlin or you're a gay man 30+ I highly recommend this book. It resonates in a way that few books do and I highly recommend. I found myself enthralled by a Berlin that was blossoming into the Queer haven it is today. The author did an incredible job of making the uncertain years of a gay man come to life as he found himself in Berlin. It was a story of connection that I found purposeful and enlightening. Often times it's hard to find connection while traveling especially being a member of the LGBTQ+ community and this book captures the nuances and difficulties of travel. That may sound too deep but what it did bring into my life was a profound sense of self. I feel I knew his main character so well and it felt as if he was a life long friend.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 213 reviews