How She Really Does It: Secrets of Successful Stay-at-Work Moms

by Wendy Sachs

The kids are sick but the boss needs the presentation on her desk by ten. The parent-child kindergarten brunch can’t be missed, yet the business meeting beckons. When the only thing she knows for sure is that her day will bring a new set of challenges and priorities to be juggled, how does a stay-at-work mom do it all?Wendy Sachs, stay-at-work mother of two, has interviewed women from every walk of life— from celebrities like makeup maven Bobbi Brown, designer Vera Wang, CNN’s Soledad O’Brien, the Today Show’s Ann Curry to everyday moms from all over the country—and has uncovered some inspiring answers. For starters, some stay-at-work moms have given up striving for balance; for true happiness and sanity, integration is the real key. Others have discovered that compartmentalization—wearing different hats at different times of day—is the only way to thrive. For all, the psychological, emotional, and financial payback of work is what keeps them feeling alive; even if they could afford not to work (and many can afford the choice), they wouldn’t have it any other way.Demonstrating that a byproduct of having career ambition is a happier marriage and family, How She Really Does It will validate the millions of women now attempting to “have it all,” or at least some of it all the time. Revealing the keys to staying-at-work, staying sane, staying satisfied, and staying at the heart of her family as well, How She Really Does It is a modern working woman’s handbook.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Business, Womens, Professional Development, Personal Development

224 pages, Hardcover

First published May 3, 2005

About the author

Wendy Sachs is a master of the career pivot. An Emmy-award winning TV news producer, Wendy has worked at Dateline NBC, Fox, and CNN. She was also a Capitol Hill press secretary, public relations executive, media and content strategist, CNN contributor, and editor-in-chief of Care.com. A frequent speaker, she has also written about work/life and women’s issues for multiple publications, and appeared on dozens of radio and TV shows, including Good Morning America, Today, and CNN’s Headline News.

Reviews

[Elizabeth Erickson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked/loved this book. My friend Laura called it therapy for working moms, which is a perfect description.

[Ami Neiberger · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are a professional working woman who also has children, you will know you are not alone by reading this book. As a public relations professional who works with journalists, I found the interviews with Soledad O’Brien, Ann Curry and others working in the news media interesting.

For those seeking a cookie cutter solution to their work-family balance issues, there are no standard and easy replicated solutions offered in this book. While there are a few basic time management tips, the true value of the book rests in hearing narratives from other working women who assure you that you are not alone, and that if they could figure it out, you will too.

A lot of the interviewees live in or near New York City and work in high-powered jobs, and the book has been criticized at times by others for not including more voices of ordinary working women with kids who don’t live in urban areas and have famous amazing jobs. Before we scold the author too soundly though, it should be noted that fewer women than men ascend to top corporate jobs and hearing how these women are making motherhood work while managing careers is normalizing and helpful.

And truth be told – if these working moms with perfect jobs are struggling at times or muscling through, then it sure makes sense as to why the rest of us don’t have an easy road either. Even those who “have it all” encounter struggles and tough choices.

It’s also important to recognize that each working mother’s journey is unique, not a declaration of amazon-like workplace martyrdom that sacrifices family at all costs. Rather, the interviewees describe making what are sometimes agonizing choices about how to balance work and family life. Some work more efficiently, others do a second round of work after their kids go to sleep.

Sachs describes a CBS producer who chose to step down from a management role because she needed more time at home with her children, and instead sacrificed her ambition and took a lesser non-management role. The point is there is no magic formula – merely that all of us are trying to do the best we can with the situation we have.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot and felt inspired and empowered after reading it. I'm not sure the title really encompasses what the book is about, though. Although there were a few examples of "successful" stay-at-work moms, or moms who really felt like they had it together, I felt like most of the examples were more ambivalent--women who struggled to succeed in both realms and who didn't necessarily feel like they were managing both well. Also, the book focused mostly on ambitious women--women who are driven to "succeed," to get ahead, to be the top in their fields. I think the title should have reflected that more. Although I love my work and I choose to work, I wouldn't classify myself as ambitious or driven. My definition of "successful" would be getting to participate in my kids' school life, being home after work with enough time to make dinner, play, spend time with the kids, being able to attend after-school activities, while still accomplishing what I need to accomplish at work without letting anyone down--not missing deadlines and producing quality work.

That said, the "secrets" that I walked away with were that during the crunch years (when your kids are newborn to age 4), something gives--usually sleep for mom. But it gets easier as the kids get older and start school. Having a supportive and equal partner makes a huge, huge difference. (And although the author and her interviewees didn't go into depth about domestic help, obviously, having domestic help makes a huge huge difference.) And work flexibility is one of the most important factors in a mother's ability to "balance" her worlds. Ultimately, if our society values children and procreation, and values the contributions that parents make to the workforce, flexibility MUST become more integrated into business and government--not just for moms, but for dads, too. And ultimately, everyone benefits from flexibility.

Overall, a good read that delved into a lot of the working mom angst and left me feeling validated and motivated to be "successful," whatever the definition of successful may be.

[Christina · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have no idea why I had this book on my "to read" list. It doesn't apply to me or anyone I know. If you have to work and just happen to have a high profile career with an annual income in the mid six figures or above, you might find this book to be of some encouragement. Otherwise, don't bother picking this one up.

The author interviews mostly upper income mothers (many are names you will recognize such as Ann Curry, Vera Wang) about how they "manage" their working lives vs. home lives. The irony is most of these women can afford the best childcare options available, so they have little or no guilt about leaving their children. Also, their jobs are so high profile they can demand any flexibility they want without fear of losing their jobs.

If I were a regular working mother, this book would depress me. It doesn't offer any practical solutions to daily problems of working mothers such as meal planning, time management, requesting work flexibility, arranging affordable childcare, and guilt.

[Rachel Nazareth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book definitely has an agenda of encouraging/pushing women to go back to work. I read it for tips on how other women are juggling work with having you kids & it didn't really provide any. I did still enjoy it & considering its written from an American perspective where women are given so little mat leave it really made me appreciate how much time I had off.

It also helped me to see that my son has already benefited from me staying home with him for 15 months. While mommy-time is crucial to infancy/toddlerhood development I also think a child doesn't need a home where finances are a cause of tension. Not to mention it was great to see women getting back to following their dreams/missions in life aside from parenthood. Certainly kicked my butt back into the school board and allowed me to see that many teens also need my support/care right now.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book was ok. It does focus much more on affluent and higher profile women (i.e. Vera Wang, Ann Curry, etc.) than the typical average working mom. In a way, it's inspiring to see such successful women balance their careers and home life, though some of their solutions are a bit unrealistic for most working moms (i.e. converting a spare office at work into a nursery, having afternoons off, etc.). Still, a lot of these women certainly make some big sacrifices for their careers.

I appreciated some of the bits of advice and insight in some of the interviews. I'd like to read another book about working moms, but perhaps something that gives more tips on time management and striking better work-home life balances.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's interesting to read other reviews of this book. I loved it. I often feel judged as a mother who WANTS to work outside the home, and it was so refreshing to read an entire book dedicated to women who want to continue careers. The book was like spending time talking to other mothers like me, something I really needed right now.

The reason I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 is that she never really gave great tips for managing work/life balance. She summed it up as "everyone has to figure out what works for them."

Probably the best encouragement I got from the book was that age newborn to 1st grade are the "crunch years"... we're starting to feel that crunch lessen now that my boys are close to kindergarten. It validated that these have been some very hard years.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a very informative and positive read for any mom or future mom who is looking to be a "stay-at-work" mom. Becoming a parent brings up questions and concerns that you probably hadn't given much thought to or even considered that are suddenly very important. This book provides valuable insight, solutions and support for moms, and is realistic and applicable to the current paradigm we live in. One important thing to take away from this reading experience is that women can work and have kids-- it doesn't have to be either/or. It's really a matter of how you define and manage yourself in order to be happy and successful at both. Being a happy mom is key to having happy kids, and for some moms, working plays a big part in one's happiness.

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I picked up this book I wasn't sure what I was going to be reading. I didn't look at the jacket, I just thought the title sounded appealing. After reading the first two chapters I felt that a lot of the content may have been a bit outdated, of course some of it can be true, but I think things are changing. I really did relate a lot to the guilt chapter and the battles working mothers have to deal with, but I also believe that many fathers are starting to feel the same way. I know my dad worked long hours and now wishes he was able to be home more often to go to our school events, sport games, and performances. I no longer think this is specifically just women, but parents as a whole are starting to feel this change.

[Tyra · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to this on Cd and it was okay. It is British and describes the how hard it is for women to have a successful career and be good mothers and wives. It got annoying at times and i just wanted to tell her to stop shooting herself in the foot by trying to do everything on her own and start asking for help. Not to mention that she needed to just set some priorities and follow them. Not that it is easy to work and be a mother it isn't, but at some point we just need to realize we aren't super women and we can't do everything. Which she finally reazlied at the end of the book so that is good.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated this book - so disappointing. At the very least I thought it'd give me some new ideas for time management ... balancing children, family, and a full-time job ... but it was just a long string of stories from high-powered working mothers, talking about how hard it is and how early they have to get up, and how important their nannies are, and how important their jobs are to the family income and their own future security. I had doubts when I bought it for a penny - now I'm really glad I didn't pay any more than that! Too bad I read this book instead of doing the laundry last night.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

For some reason, this helped with my stay-at-work mom guilt. It rocked me really hard one day when a woman I met told me that if I couldn't stay home with my son, I shouldn't have kids. I was a new mom and was already feeling bad that I was working full time, and this book helped alleviate my distress. I should probably read something on the other side of this argument (not that I haven't heard the Dr. Laura side from various people), but that might put me back at square one. So, since I don't have a choice on whether I work or not, this book does the trick!

[Lesley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was very disappointed by this book. I hoped it would help me figure how to go back to work while still having meaningful quality time with my children. There was no useful information and the author's disdain of stay-at-home mothers was offensive. She clearly does not believe in supporting other women when they choose to do what's best for themselves and their families whether it's staying at work or staying at home.

One other note - why did the author give the race, ethnicity or physical description of each interviewee? Strange.

[Eileen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book helped me as I attempt to return to work after a lengthy "maternity leave". I think all working mothers struggle with the question "am I doing the right thing?". This book could be called "Why she does it". I know that for me, returning to work is (probably) the right thing to do. It's still hard, but when I weigh the pros and cons, it seems that is the right direction to at least try and go in.

[Julie Verner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides a wide range of stories from different women as they navigate the challenge of creating a work-home balance. What I liked about this book is that it allows the reader to encounter a synopsis of many different women and their choices. I related with some stories, was horrified by others, and overall, left the book with new ways of thinking about the choices I make. It would be a great book for young women to read BEFORE they make their family and work commitments.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

don't go into this book expecting advice. it is more of an exploration of different styles of being a stay at work mother. I felt that the author could have interviewed more ordinary moms who are not so privileged, but at the same time it is refreshing to see that even celebrity moms don't have it easy. worth a read if only to see how others have navigated both worlds and found ways to make it work, and ways to give it up.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree to a point with some of the other reviewers who say it's not accurate to only look at women who make tons of money, because many working moms (most!) aren't in that situation. However, when you avoid the author's self-obsessed rantings and you read the quotes from the women interviewed, you get some great nuggets of wisdom and insight.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not really a how to guide, but I found it very comforting and interesting. It gave me some ideas on how other women approached the family/work integration. It probably helps that I am in a professional career similar to many of the interviewed women in the book, and face similar challenges. Well worth reading, in my opinion, though I'd probably give it 4.5 stars if that were an option.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book focuses on wealthier, high-level professional mothers, like most books like this do. I don't know if there just isn't enough of a market for mother-readers who have mid-level jobs or are seeking to discover a more meaningful career post-child, or if it's just highly successful women who write these books!

[Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not great. It is 90% about very successful high-paid executives who really like their jobs and who can afford nannies and day care. There wasn't enough focus on how to balance working and life and depleting the guilt of leaving your child everyday.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had alot of unbiased perspectives to being a Stay-at-Home Mom vs. the Stay-at-Work Mom. Loved the way the author showed both sides of finding balance and letting go of guilt associated with working and trying to do it all.

[Dragana · Rating 3 out of 5]

No real advice, but inspiring and comforting-- unless you're a stay-at-home mom.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another really great book for anyone who's a mom out there, especially if you've ever doubted your choice to SAH or SAW.

LOVED IT!!!

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked/loved this book. My friend Laura called it therapy for working moms, which is a perfect description.

[Kathy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I basically got that we are stressed out and there is no balance but women do what they can.

[Ashley Bowman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helped me feel better about being a working mother.

[Adrienne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is the first of many "how mommy balances" books. I think in being first it avoids the shrillness so many of its younger sisters have. Refreshing also for its lack of man-bashing.

[Ingrid Laub · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're a "stay at work" mom you'll find yourself nodding in agreement as Sachs explores the stories of interesting, accomplished women.