I Want Him to Want Me: How to Respond When Your Husband Doesn’t Want Sex

by Sheri Mueller

Do you want sexual intimacy with your husband more than he does?In a society that often paints men as the sole pursuers of sexual desire, countless wives silently struggle with unmet needs and unanswered questions. Many women have carried the weight of shame and confusion, longing for connection while feeling rejected by their husbands.Licensed clinical professional counselor Sheri Mueller shares valuable insights into the underlying dynamics at play in such situations. She delves into the complex emotional and psychological factors that contribute to husbands turning away from their wives, dispelling misconceptions and offering a fresh perspective on these delicate truth about intimacy struggles and why a husband might turn away;communication strategies about a woman’s sexual needs and desires;practical steps to foster an atmosphere of trust, vulnerability, and mutual understanding;self-care techniques to boost self-esteem and cultivate a positive body image; andexercises and activities to revive sexual passion.I Want Him to Want Me challenges traditional assumptions and provides women with tools to reclaim their sexual agency, rebuild intimacy, and find healing within their marriages.

201 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 2, 2024

Reviews

[Amber Thiessen · Rating 5 out of 5]

{Full review here:https://www.amberthiessen.com/post/i-...}
If you could list right now what you've been taught about sexuality in Christian marriage, what would you write?

Did the reality of normal desire discrepancy come up? That there will be seasons when one spouse will have higher desire than the other and this can be normal.

However, in some marriages the wife consistently has a higher sex drive than her husband, and it's something we don't talk about a lot, or acknowledge as a possibility.

I Want Him to Want Me: How to Respond When Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex by Sherri Mueller helps wives (and those in ministry) explore the emotions, factors and biblical response in marriages where the husband has a lower sex drive.

This may not be you, but maybe it's someone close to you, it might be the case for those you disciple, so it's a valuable topic for our Christian marriages.

Within this topic of conversation, there’s a lot of nuance. I think the author does a good job exploring the factors of low sexual desire in husbands and offering a biblical perspective for wives facing shame and hurt to understand a variety of points affecting their marriage and how they can respond.

This particular book is for Christian wives who are struggling to respond when their husband has a low desire for sex.

This is also a really good resource for anyone involved in marriage counselling, I’d offer it as a must-read.

Quick Stats
# of Pages: 201
Level of Difficulty: Easy
My Rating: 5 stars

*A big thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

[Cassie · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all, this book was written for a very specific audience, and I think the author does a good job explaining that from the very beginning. This is a book for women who have a higher sex-drive than their husbands who are in a marriage where physical intimacy is not occurring for months, even years. It is written from a traditional biblical Christian perspective. If you are not part of this audience, I can’t highly recommend this to you. So much will not apply, that you likely would walk away being unnecessarily harsh on its contents. I do not fall in this category, but as a person in ministry I found so much of this to be extremely helpful in illuminating a neglected topic. Mueller calls it “desire difference,” and I suspect this is something every married person experiences from time to time. She especially explores what this feels like for a woman in Christianity in an environment where sex, even within marriage, is sometimes an off-limit topic for discussion. I think the author did a good job pushing against stereotypes in our culture about men, their sex drives, what a “good wife/woman” should be, and more. She also looks at medical and psychological reasons for less physical intimacy, as well as addresses times when a man’s needs may be being met outside of the marriage (pornography, infidelity, etc.). So much about this book was great, but there were a couple moments when it felt a little like an advertisement for Focus on the Family ministries. One other issue I had is that I felt the opening chapters confronted stereotypes but the closing chapters seemed to fall back into those stereotypes a bit. The author encourages women to find intimacy in different ways within marriage, pray together, start conversation, enjoy shared activities, etc. but she also firmly tells wives to have patience with their husbands, to reset their expectations, etc. None of this is wrong, but it was delivered with a slight “weaker-sex” subordinate feel for my personal convictions.

The bottom line: I think this is a wonderful resource for the right audience.

— NOTES —
Genres: Christian nonfiction, self-help, psychology
Content: abuse, pornography, infidelity, sex addiction

— MY RATING CONSIDERATIONS —
(all out of 5)
Levity/Humility: 4
Information: 4
Transformation: 4
Gut: 4
Total: 4

[Rebekah Sturgill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC of this book.

I'm trying to read and understand more in the realm of spiritual counseling, as it is a huge part of what we do at our bookstore but something I am totally unfamiliar with. I can still easily see that Sheri Mueller has written an important and necessary book, for which there is no other resource. The pain in the words of the wives she quotes is heartbreaking, but this isn't some let's-hate-all-men fest. She calls on wives to be aware of ways they are also falling short, or even contributing to their problems, without victim blaming, a thin line to walk.

Obviously, this was written for wives facing a particular marriage issue, but I think it's important for all wives (and husbands) to read to better understand each other, having compassion for each other and their friends, and perhaps even avoiding going so far down a certain path. It is certainly a call for pastors and other spiritual directors to stop using jokes and stereotypes in their counseling, as you can see the immense pain doing so has caused the women in this book.

[Cheri Swalwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really good. I love the stories and personal experiences the author sprinkled throughout but I love even more how she is a Paul to women who are hurting - she speaks the truth in love. She is tough when she has to be, but oh so tender as well. She talks about the woman's responsibility without shaming or placing blame on the woman but also puts the responsibility on the man when it's justified. She talks about teamwork in a married relationship and how working together is the best solution. This book is definitely needed by many and I'm so glad it was written for that audience.