Life-Giving Wounds: A Catholic Guide to Healing for Adult Children of Divorce or Separation

by Daniel Meola, Bethany Meola

Over half of the people in the United States will experience the divorce of their parents, statistics say. Yet no matter how "normal" divorce becomes, it always inflicts a profound wound on families—not only the parents, but the children, whether young or grown. The children of divorce are fractured on the level of their very heart, mind, and soul. If left untended, this break could pain them for the rest of their lives, tingeing their relationships, their faith, and their capacity for joy. Life-Giving Wounds offers a path to recovery for adult children of divorce and separation, and a thorough reference for those who love and care for them. Daniel and Bethany Meola draw from their personal experience, theological formation, and academic research—as well as from their work of accompanying hundreds of men and women from broken homes—to provide a compassionate, spiritually rich, and psychologically sound guidebook following the footsteps of the only true Jesus Christ. Readers of Life-Giving Wounds learn to recognize the many ruptures caused by divorce and, more crucially, to find new life by grieving, praying, hoping, loving, forgiving, trusting, and committing to one's vocation. In the Resurrection, God turns suffering into something infinitely redemption. This is where we find healing that lasts. Our wounds may remain with us—as Christ's did with him—but they can, like his, begin to give life .

Genres: Catholic

322 pages, Paperback

Published December 11, 2023

Reviews

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

ACOD = adult child of divorce

This book didn't present any new theology I don't already know, but I found the integration of theology and psychology extremely validating as an ACOD, removing the stigma that divorce is a massive failure while showing great compassion for the hurt it leaves behind.

Some topics this book covered that can be useful even if you aren't religious:

- defining the kinds of injuries that develop following divorce and why they matter
- overcoming residual shame/guilt
- identifying hurtful sentiments (often said by parents, church community members, other adults) that are well-meaning yet dismiss your pain
- practical ways to manage enmeshed or disordered family dynamics as an adult
- highlighting the things you can and can't control as an ACOD

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Dan and Bethany Meola for the gift of this book. It is truly a blessing.

It gives one a gentle and honest look at what it is like being an Adult Child of Divorce. This ministry has helped me find a voice after all of these years and has helped me identify feelings and hurts that I didn't know I could acknowledge.
It has also given me one more tool on this difficult journey. So many practical ideas and guidance on working through the hurts as well as communicating with parents.
I feel seen.

I really like how the book is set up. If a topic isn't relevant to you, skip it for now, if a chapter is overwhelming for you...put it aside for later. It's okay to be gentle with yourself. Hr chapters on forgiveness were very powerful.

This is a book that has been needed for a long time. I'm really grateful to the Meolas for the time and love they put into it.
When I read this, it brought up a lot of stuff for me. A lot of feelings, a lot of memories, etc...
It was hard, but it also left me feeling hopeful.
It's a resource I can go back to again and again.
Definitely have a pen in hand when you read it.

[Morning Glory · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, quiet, hopeful, nuanced and practical, very needed even if you aren’t a child of divorce, there’s so much wisdom here about healing from pain honestly and charitably.

“We cannot simply "do" healing on our own; we must receive it.” 25
“Were you given a chance to be affected?” 43
“Through God's grace, prayerfully “choosing" or "consenting" to our wounds is the beginning of responding to them with virtue especially the theological virtues of faith, hope, and love.” 56
“Others discover in Saint Joseph, as Heather puts it, "a father who stayed." 82 as if I needed another reason to love him!!
The sign of the cross “claimed us for Christ and communicated our belonging to him.” 114
“Brokenness and hurt can call forth generous and sacrificial love, transforming the evil into goodness through generosity.” 264
The “deepest level of healing God desires for us is to transform our wounds so thoroughly that they become vibrant resources for love, even if the pain remains.” 284
“How beautiful it is to see genuine hope manifested by those who have not experienced all happy outcomes but nonetheless have triumphed over despair and cynicism.” 287

[Alexander Maricich · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible book. So grateful to have been given the opportunity to read it.

This book is exhaustive, covering many aspects of wounds caused by divorce and how to move forward in the healing process. It is jam packed with love from cover to cover, with no hits of blame or condemnation towards anyone.

I highly recommend this book for anyone who is an adult child of divorce, parents who have been divorced, or parents who are considering divorce as an option.

It’s an emotional read and took me longer than typical. It brought to my awareness wounds I had experienced, but had never recognized or named. Although it felt at some points like I was re-opening newly found wounds, it also brought healthy perspectives that I hope to incorporate into my own life as time goes on.

[Amanda DeRoche · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book and a must read for anyone that is an Adult Child of Divorce or if you are close to someone who is. It is centered on the Catholic faith, but is relevant to anyone as it brings in solid psychological findings in addition to faith and theology. I am familiar with Life Giving Ministry and their content and found this to be an excellent overview of much of their key messaging in their ministry so this is a great place to start diving into your healing journey! And, if you have a close loved one or friend in this situation, it is a great way to better understand what they went through and how it affects them still today.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely recommend this book to any adult child of divorce or their spouse. It is geared to Catholics, and it does an excellent job at guiding the reader to understanding and processing the wounds they experienced in childhood. Please read this book!

[Skylar Cummings · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can’t recommend this enough, please ask Spiritual directors before starting

[Jean Stump · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is life changing for any adult child of divorce. Every chapter is well thought out and relevant to any ACOD. so thankful for this book and the Life Giving Wounds community.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful spiritual reading. I used the chapters as a guide for conversations that I needed to have with God - what a gift of healing they produce. Also great for taking on retreat!