Reading House of Beating Wings felt like the equivalent of trying to teach your child basic math, or maybe something like watching Blues Clues as an adult. "A clue, a clue!" Like, Steve, my brother in Christ, the clue is right there in front of your face. I know Steve isn't on Blues Clues anymore, I'm old, forgive me. But you get what I'm saying - you try to be nice and patient but there comes a point where you just want to tear your hair out because the solution to whatever problem or puzzle is just. So. Obvious. It's a unique kind of infuriating.
So yes, being in the backseat for Fallon's adventures throughout this novel was insanely frustrating. There were so many instances of Fallon being oblivious to information that was painfully obvious. I mean, she has access to all of the same information that we, as the audience, do - but she just can't seem to put 2 and 2 together. It's infuriating to read as Fallon continues to glaze over important details and never attribute any meaning to them. On some level, I get it - we've all sipped a little too much of the Dumb Bitch Juice at one point or another - but Fallon really seems to live by it. It also doesn't help that this MC (lack of brain cells aside) is just.. not that likeable. I'm struggling to come up with anything I enjoyed about her character. She's self-righteous, judgmental, and naïve. There's a ton of both subtle and not-so-subtle slutshaming coming from pure, innocent Fallon, which was supremely irritating. She loves animals but this is shown so selectively that it didn't feel like a major aspect of her personality. The side characters that *are* likeable are barely featured at all, and aside from Fallon, none of the other characters are really developed and feel completely flat.
It also doesn't help matters that the majority of Fallon's internal monologue and headspace are occupied by super important matters, such as her first love interest, Prince Dante, how she'll act when she's queen (though her thoughts never venture beyond a surface level of "I'll help these people" and "I'll punish these other people"), and the state of her nipples. I really wish I'd been flagging how many times she mentions her nips on my Kindle, because it's A LOT. I also want to touch on the author's questionable use of certain words and phrases. At one point, Fallon refers to a group of jungle Fae as "savages." I feel like I don't have to explain why that particular term was a poor choice to use. Another phrase I noted was: "his temper is worse than Sybille's around her blood cycle." What in the name of Jesus, Mary, and the Church would possess a woman to make that comparison? I could have sworn this MC's name was Fallon and not Pickmeisha. There were multiple instances throughout this novel where I found myself taken aback by what I was reading - and this is not even mentioning the word choices that just made me cackle.
All the issues with Fallon & co. aside, the plot itself was equally frustrating. For the first two thirds of the novel, there really isn't much plot happening - I'm pretty sure most of this section could be axed from the story and nothing of importance would actually be missing (which is kind of hilarious in a 500+ page novel). The overarching narrative is pretty basic - there's a prophecy that states poor, lowly Fallon will be queen if she can find and reunite 5 crow statues. Easy. When the plot actually starts plotting though, it's laughable - Fallon stumbles into everything through a Series of Extremely Fortunate Events. After being told the prophecy, she finds the first crow by accident. She finds the next one through a vision that is presented to her. She's told where the third one is. The final two are essentially brought to her by other characters. Do you see where I'm going with this? Everything is so contrived and convenient, it's like reading a novel designed for a middle schooler. It even robs Fallon of any kind of positive character development because she never seems brave or clever. Everything is done for her and it feels like she's just along for the ride. Her motivations feel non-existent by the time the story wraps up, and it's pretty clear for the majority of the novel she has no idea what she's doing or the implications of her actions. But there's barely any page-space dedicated to her contemplating such trivialities, because there's her nipples to think about.
I also wished there was more time dedicated to world-building and fleshing out the magic system. The city of Monteluce gave off Venice vibes, which made for an interesting setting, but there's rarely any culture, religion, or just.. anything remotely interesting mentioned. There's the very cliché "this is where the rich, affluent Fae live, and the other side of the canal where the oppressed halfbloods live." There are also several wars mentioned (the Magnabellum and Pri-something-or-other that I've already forgotten) that are never really explained, yet are fairly relevant to the plot and how some of the characters came to be where they are. Oh well, I guess? There's also the magic system - if you can call it that - that is simply not explained at all. So, there are elemental Fae (The Last Airbender style) to cover the basics of Fire, Air, Water, and Earth. These Fae are mentioned, but it's never clear where their power comes from, or what their limitations are (what they can and can't do). Fallon randomly mentions Water Fae would have the ability to move water, or do laundry more quickly - but could they part a sea, Moses-style?? Apparently Air Fae can summon massive gusts of wind (and create a tidal wave.. somehow) but they can't fly or hover. I think it was randomly mentioned by one of the side characters in the last 20 pages of the novel that she was able to use magic freely because she had a ton "stored up" - this has several implications about how magic works, but of course, there's never any detail provided. It feels like such a huge oversight in this fantastical world, to have the magic completely backgrounded unless it's convenient to the plot.
If it weren't for the swearing, cringey sex scene (which felt borderline non-consensual.. overall it was a giant no from me, dawg) I would have no problem believing that this was a middle school novel, or the first draft of a novel trying to cash in on the teen-romance era that followed the success of something like Twilight or Fallen. Granted, the romance is mostly sitting on the backburner here (to make way for the super intricate plot, clearly). I'm blown away that this book has such a high average rating - did I read a different book? It's lacking the elements of a good fantasy novel, the romance was predictable and disappointing, and the characters were borderline insufferable. I'm struggling to come up with anything redeeming about House of Beating Wings but 1 star feels harsh, so 1.5 it is. Having said that, I'll probably read the second book because hating myself is a full time job, and my work is never done. Thank god for public libraries.