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The Good, the Bad & the Difference: How to Tell the Right From Wrong in Everyday Situations
The man behind the New York Times Magazine ’s immensely popular column “The Ethicist”–syndicated in newspapers across the United States and Canada as “Everyday Ethics”–casts an eye on today’s manners and mores with a provocative, thematic collection of advice on how to be good in the real world.
Every week in his column on ethics, Randy Cohen takes on conundrums presented in letters from perplexed people who want to do the right thing (or hope to get away with doing the wrong thing), and responds with a skillful blend of moral authority and humor. Cohen’s wisdom and witticisms have now been collected in The Good, the Bad & the Difference , a collection of his columns as wise and funny as a combination of “Dear Abby,” Plato, and Mel Brooks. The columns are supplemented with second thoughts on (and sometimes complete reversals of) his original replies, follow-up notes on how his advice affected the actions of various letter writers, reactions from readers both pro and con, and observations from such “guest ethicists” as David Eggers and the author’s mom. Each chapter also features an “Ethics Pop Quiz,” and readers will be invited to post their answers on the book’s Web site. The best of them will appear in a future paperback edition of the book.
The Good, the Bad & the Difference is divided into seven
•Civic Life (what we do in public)
•Family Life (what we do at home)
•Social Life (what we do in other people’s homes)
•Commercial Life (what we do in situations where money is a factor)
•Medical Life (the rights and obligations of patients and caregivers)
•Work Life (ethics for the professional sphere)
•School Life (moral questions from and about kids)
Each section provides a window into how we live today, shedding light on the ways in which a more ethical approach to the decisions we make, and to our daily behavior, can make a big difference in how we feel about ourselves tomorrow.
Every week in his column on ethics, Randy Cohen takes on conundrums presented in letters from perplexed people who want to do the right thing (or hope to get away with doing the wrong thing), and responds with a skillful blend of moral authority and humor. Cohen’s wisdom and witticisms have now been collected in The Good, the Bad & the Difference , a collection of his columns as wise and funny as a combination of “Dear Abby,” Plato, and Mel Brooks. The columns are supplemented with second thoughts on (and sometimes complete reversals of) his original replies, follow-up notes on how his advice affected the actions of various letter writers, reactions from readers both pro and con, and observations from such “guest ethicists” as David Eggers and the author’s mom. Each chapter also features an “Ethics Pop Quiz,” and readers will be invited to post their answers on the book’s Web site. The best of them will appear in a future paperback edition of the book.
The Good, the Bad & the Difference is divided into seven
•Civic Life (what we do in public)
•Family Life (what we do at home)
•Social Life (what we do in other people’s homes)
•Commercial Life (what we do in situations where money is a factor)
•Medical Life (the rights and obligations of patients and caregivers)
•Work Life (ethics for the professional sphere)
•School Life (moral questions from and about kids)
Each section provides a window into how we live today, shedding light on the ways in which a more ethical approach to the decisions we make, and to our daily behavior, can make a big difference in how we feel about ourselves tomorrow.
304 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
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189 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
May 2, 2018
Not sure this was the best type of book to read from start to finish, but it was well-written and informative. It is basically a collection of readers' letters, requesting "The Ethicist" to tell them what the right thing is to do. The book is organized by topic, so it would be easy and convenient to use as a reference tool. I will leave you with one piece of his advice on what to do when you find a lost item. Keep the item under your care, but leave your name and number with the business on whose premises the item was found. Do not say specifically what you found; otherwise, some con may soon be the new owner.
March 27, 2011
A philosopher and former writer for Late Night with David Letterman writes an ethics column for the New York Times. These are his greatest hits. My favorite observation: "The larger the public relations staff, the more suspicious the enterprise."
May 21, 2019
Pretty good book. Interesting to look into the views others takes when it comes to ethics.
July 15, 2024
While it is a little dated, it is a well written treatise.
August 8, 2011
I enjoyed Randy Cohen's Ethicist podcast immensely, so I was very happy to run across this book of compiled Ethicist columns (published in 2002). He writes a little introduction to each section, then profiles a number of columns from each category. There's a section where he responds to replies, and a short section where he admits that his thinking has changed. It's enjoyable, especially if you like his style of humor and writing. And the ethical questions at the heart of the book are nice puzzlers. Below are a few of my favorite, with his answers (summarized) and my thoughts.
Is it okay to move up to more expensive seats (at the theater or the ballpark) after it's clear those seats are not going to be occupied? Cohen: Yes, it doesn't harm anybody. This assumes you don't use more resources and yield the seats if the rightful holder shows up. At the heart of it, he argues that a business' rules are not necessarily ethical, and in some circumstances, it's not unethical to break them. I'm torn on this one, because I feel like the experience of the show from the more expensive seats is different from the cheap ones, and if the venue owner wants to charge more for those seats then that's their prerogative. Cohen also says it's okay to sneak food into a movie theater but NOT to buy tickets to which you're not entitled (a woman wrote asking if the loophole she used to buy senior tickets was okay).
Is it okay to let a housekeeper use my address so her kids can go to the good school in my neighborhood? Cohen changed his mind on this one, originally saying that it was not okay and later saying it was. The change seemed to be that he decided the public education system is so fucked up that any parent is justified in trying to get the best opportunity for their child, especially a poor woman trying to get that opportunity for a wealthy one. Intellectually, I agree with Cohen. It's understandable to nearly everyone that this mother would want to sidestep the awful public schools where she lives to get a better opportunity for her child. Emotionally, however, I found this a very difficult subject, and it rings all the class and race bells at once for me. I live in a middle class village near Chicago with a strong working-class tradition and an influx of more well-to-do folks overflowing from the more affluent villages nearby. Our schools are pretty good at the young levels and have a reputation as steadily less okay as the kids get older. The high school we feed into has a particularly bad reputation (not inner-city Chicago, but not nice either). I've certainly heard scuttlebutt from other parents that lax residency checking leads to kids from more difficult neighborhoods riding the El out and attending school in our system. Invariably, the assertion is that these kids are a bad element and a bad influence. There's also a real implication of culture clash here too. And then, of course, there's the simple issue of resources. If our schools are stretched already, and people who aren't paying property taxes to fund them send their kids here, that makes it even harder for my kids to get a good education. On the other hand, wouldn't I do the same for my children? And don't I agree that the current property-tax funded system sucks balls? Like I said, very emotional for me. And emotional again as I find myself irritated by my own reaction.
Overall, it's an enjoyable book with lots of little puzzlers. I'm considering trying to use some of it in my New Millennium Studies class next year, as I like to put ethics front and center in the class.
Is it okay to move up to more expensive seats (at the theater or the ballpark) after it's clear those seats are not going to be occupied? Cohen: Yes, it doesn't harm anybody. This assumes you don't use more resources and yield the seats if the rightful holder shows up. At the heart of it, he argues that a business' rules are not necessarily ethical, and in some circumstances, it's not unethical to break them. I'm torn on this one, because I feel like the experience of the show from the more expensive seats is different from the cheap ones, and if the venue owner wants to charge more for those seats then that's their prerogative. Cohen also says it's okay to sneak food into a movie theater but NOT to buy tickets to which you're not entitled (a woman wrote asking if the loophole she used to buy senior tickets was okay).
Is it okay to let a housekeeper use my address so her kids can go to the good school in my neighborhood? Cohen changed his mind on this one, originally saying that it was not okay and later saying it was. The change seemed to be that he decided the public education system is so fucked up that any parent is justified in trying to get the best opportunity for their child, especially a poor woman trying to get that opportunity for a wealthy one. Intellectually, I agree with Cohen. It's understandable to nearly everyone that this mother would want to sidestep the awful public schools where she lives to get a better opportunity for her child. Emotionally, however, I found this a very difficult subject, and it rings all the class and race bells at once for me. I live in a middle class village near Chicago with a strong working-class tradition and an influx of more well-to-do folks overflowing from the more affluent villages nearby. Our schools are pretty good at the young levels and have a reputation as steadily less okay as the kids get older. The high school we feed into has a particularly bad reputation (not inner-city Chicago, but not nice either). I've certainly heard scuttlebutt from other parents that lax residency checking leads to kids from more difficult neighborhoods riding the El out and attending school in our system. Invariably, the assertion is that these kids are a bad element and a bad influence. There's also a real implication of culture clash here too. And then, of course, there's the simple issue of resources. If our schools are stretched already, and people who aren't paying property taxes to fund them send their kids here, that makes it even harder for my kids to get a good education. On the other hand, wouldn't I do the same for my children? And don't I agree that the current property-tax funded system sucks balls? Like I said, very emotional for me. And emotional again as I find myself irritated by my own reaction.
Overall, it's an enjoyable book with lots of little puzzlers. I'm considering trying to use some of it in my New Millennium Studies class next year, as I like to put ethics front and center in the class.
September 11, 2010
This book essentially consists of highlights from Randy Cohen's New York Times Magazine column, "The Ethicist," with additional commentary by Cohen.
First and foremost, strange though it may be to say of a book on ethics, The Good, The Bad, and The Difference is a very entertaining read. That is the case mostly because Cohen is extremely witty and doesn't mind sacrificing a bit of deep ethical analysis for the sake of spinning off a sarcastic joke. It is also partly a result of the fact that some of the people who wrote in to "The Ethicist" presented some pretty ridiculous situations.
The book, then, is a fun read, at times a thought-provoking read, but not, perhaps, your best choice as a moral guidebook for your life. Even though I largely share Cohen's anti-establishment views, I couldn't entirely accept his casual willingness to let those personal biases color his ethical vision. Repeatedly, he gives those who wish to skirt the system his blessing if he feels the system itself is unjust. Certainly, a great many moralists and ethicists, notably Thoreau, encouraged disobedience of unjust rules. However, it must be remembered that when Thoreau refused to pay his taxes in protest of federal government actions, he did so openly and served jail time as a result. There is a big difference between open protest — and accepting the consequences of that protest — and sneakily dodging the rules. Cohen continually glosses over that distinction.
Overall, then, I recommend the book fairly highly, provided one takes it with a grain of salt, as I think Cohen himself would recommend. One more comment I feel compelled to add. In his introduction to the book, Cohen states that "If everyone were like Atticus Finch (of To Kill a Mockingbird), the south would still be segregated." He is referencing, of course, the fact that Finch did not actively fight segregation (at least not that we see in the novel). However, given how Finch raises his children, it is easy to see that if everyone really were like Finch, segregation most definitely would have died away, for no Atticus Finch would ever have been willing to enforce such laws. One must not be too quick to dismiss the profound influence of strongly moral people, even quiet and seemingly acquiescent ones.
First and foremost, strange though it may be to say of a book on ethics, The Good, The Bad, and The Difference is a very entertaining read. That is the case mostly because Cohen is extremely witty and doesn't mind sacrificing a bit of deep ethical analysis for the sake of spinning off a sarcastic joke. It is also partly a result of the fact that some of the people who wrote in to "The Ethicist" presented some pretty ridiculous situations.
The book, then, is a fun read, at times a thought-provoking read, but not, perhaps, your best choice as a moral guidebook for your life. Even though I largely share Cohen's anti-establishment views, I couldn't entirely accept his casual willingness to let those personal biases color his ethical vision. Repeatedly, he gives those who wish to skirt the system his blessing if he feels the system itself is unjust. Certainly, a great many moralists and ethicists, notably Thoreau, encouraged disobedience of unjust rules. However, it must be remembered that when Thoreau refused to pay his taxes in protest of federal government actions, he did so openly and served jail time as a result. There is a big difference between open protest — and accepting the consequences of that protest — and sneakily dodging the rules. Cohen continually glosses over that distinction.
Overall, then, I recommend the book fairly highly, provided one takes it with a grain of salt, as I think Cohen himself would recommend. One more comment I feel compelled to add. In his introduction to the book, Cohen states that "If everyone were like Atticus Finch (of To Kill a Mockingbird), the south would still be segregated." He is referencing, of course, the fact that Finch did not actively fight segregation (at least not that we see in the novel). However, given how Finch raises his children, it is easy to see that if everyone really were like Finch, segregation most definitely would have died away, for no Atticus Finch would ever have been willing to enforce such laws. One must not be too quick to dismiss the profound influence of strongly moral people, even quiet and seemingly acquiescent ones.
January 28, 2010
If you are interested in the topic of ethics and ethical quandaries, this is a wonderful book. This happens to be a passion of mine, and I couldn't get enough of it. Randy Cohen is a very unassuming and humorous writer, with a wry take on these sometimes serious subjects. He can also take criticism better than most of us probably could and as you can guess, this comes in handy in his line of work. If ethics fascinate you, this is the book for you. If not, you probably will get bored in some parts, but it still might be worth a flip-through.
Just to whet your appetite, consider this (one of the letters written in to him to which he responds in the book): "Called for jury duty, I was asked if I would be able to impose the death sentence. I am am ardent foe of capital punishment, but if I answered no, I would have been left off the jury and replaced by a juror who believes in the death penalty. If I had lied and said yes, perhaps I could have saved the defendant's life. What should I have done?" What would you have done?
Just to whet your appetite, consider this (one of the letters written in to him to which he responds in the book): "Called for jury duty, I was asked if I would be able to impose the death sentence. I am am ardent foe of capital punishment, but if I answered no, I would have been left off the jury and replaced by a juror who believes in the death penalty. If I had lied and said yes, perhaps I could have saved the defendant's life. What should I have done?" What would you have done?
May 13, 2012
This was entertaining at first but quickly grew boring. This should be viewed as a quirky read, to be read in snippets or given as a gift to the right individual (if you don't know who that is, don't get it for them). This is not something you're meant to sit down with on Saturday and pore over until Sunday morning.
There were some interesting situations, but like I said, I grew bored with the premise quickly. The topics here would make for a spirited debate, but as it stands, you're just reading one person's opinion, no matter how good, bad or inconsistent. Cohen tries to spice it up with others' opinions every once in awhile, but that wasn't enough. And Cohen himself isn't likable, hatable, or controversial enough to make the book work. Maybe get this from the library, but don't take the chance spending money on it.
There were some interesting situations, but like I said, I grew bored with the premise quickly. The topics here would make for a spirited debate, but as it stands, you're just reading one person's opinion, no matter how good, bad or inconsistent. Cohen tries to spice it up with others' opinions every once in awhile, but that wasn't enough. And Cohen himself isn't likable, hatable, or controversial enough to make the book work. Maybe get this from the library, but don't take the chance spending money on it.
March 30, 2021
All of us (okay, most of us, wellllll all right - at least some of us) want to do the right thing. In a world that is becoming more complex, the eternal question "What is the right thing?" is forcing us into challenging and morally ambiguous situations and uncharted territory where it is more difficult to arrive at a satisfactory answer. Randy Cohen, the former writer of the NY Times Magazine column "The Ethicist" attempts to navigate the right path through the situations that life, and his readers, throw at him. You and I will not always agree with Randy's conclusions. Indeed, most situations do not lend themselves to a neat cut and dry answer and this book can be a useful tool in deriving your own answers.
May 17, 2016
In a different twist on living an ethical life this book on ‘how to tell right from wrong in everyday situations’ is both witty, entertaining and thought provoking. Dealing with the moral conundrums of life such as ‘can I accept a free promotional holiday if I have no intention of taking up the timeshare offer at the end of it?’ Of course many people don’t know the basis for their ethics and if Randy Cohen was writing in another time and place he might come up with different answers.
Some of the questions are surprising as are some of the answers but not always for the reasons you might expect. However the humour is sometimes laugh out loud funny. So what are the ethics that guide your life?
Some of the questions are surprising as are some of the answers but not always for the reasons you might expect. However the humour is sometimes laugh out loud funny. So what are the ethics that guide your life?
October 31, 2007
I read the author's column every week in The Seattle Times and really enjoy his humor as well as his way of looking at ethical dilemmas. I like his book as well, though after awhile I get saturated with one ethical question after another. If you want to read the book, get the paperback (I have the hardback) because it's supposed to include questions from the hardback that readers responded to. I haven't finished the book and may not because of my saturation level and its library due date.
November 26, 2007
He writes exceptionally well, but the advice dispensed to readers in moral quandaries are usually.. well, idiotic. If I were called upon to counsel others, I would use an antipodal approach. However, this stems from his obligation to please the greatest number of people as possible as \"the Ethicist.\"
Dave Eggers's advice in the book was similarly -- if not exaggeratedly more -- unhelpful. Discursive and facetious, nothing that will inform ethical questions.
Dave Eggers's advice in the book was similarly -- if not exaggeratedly more -- unhelpful. Discursive and facetious, nothing that will inform ethical questions.
July 13, 2008
I like Randy Cohen. I genuinely admire his bravery in tackling weekly a field that most wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. Dispensing ethical advice to strangers in a public forum? Talk about teeing yourself up for criticism. I enjoy his column in the Sunday NY Times and have actually found that I agree with his take more often than not. I enjoyed this book as a collection of some of those articles. But, man....good luck with the critics. Talk about something doomed from the get-go.
June 30, 2008
The Ethicist is the first column I read each week in the NYT Magazine, so I was glad to come across this "compilation of situations" by Randy Cohen. Those familiar with his work in the NYTM will be very comfortable with the style of this book. I enjoyed the read, but I would have appreciated a bit more biographical information about Randy and how he rose to his current position.
May 26, 2010
Set of columns from The NYT Magazine's Ethicist Randy Cohen. Not awesome, not horrible. Every once in a while it surprised me with something really thought-provoking. The cheesy jokes were a bit overdone. In all probability, if my personal ethics lined up more with Cohen's, I would have found this to be a fabulous book.
January 31, 2015
I loved the book when I read it, but later found out that Randy had some really bad advice surrounding transgender issues that would potentially endanger the lives of trans people, so I had re-think some of what I thought about his advice overall.
April 5, 2007
If you enjoy "The Ethicist" in the Sunday Times Magazine (and what well read, over-educated, middle-class liberal New Yorker DOESN'T), what's not to love? Cohen is, as always funny, caustic, and (usually) right.
March 6, 2008
I love his column in the newspaper and really enjoyed reading this collection. He added enough new ideas and commentary that there is something new even for those people who have read all his stuff before.
July 16, 2009
Read this on a road trip, and it is a good vacation read. Quick and often funny, it's a collection of letters to 'the ethicist' newspaper column. It's interesting to see what kinds of moral questions concern people enough to write in for opinions.
April 2, 2010
A collection of advice from the author's NYT column, it makes for a thought-provoking read on ethics in everyday life. I enjoyed the story-problem approach and the fact the author invites guest columnists to debate particularly sticky situations.
April 2, 2008
I picked this up to hone my sense of ethics. Highly recommended for anyone concerned whether they really know what the right thing to do is in any given situation.
Want to read
April 30, 2009Ethics are always interesting
March 17, 2016
Interesting.
June 10, 2016
Collection of Randy Cohen's "The Ethicist" columns. Interesting reading but most often the people writing in should have known the right answer.
October 24, 2007
Isn't his column in the NY Times fun?
October 27, 2008
very interesting
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews