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Grieving While Black: An Antiracist Take on Oppression and Sorrow
A groundbreaking exploration of grief and racial trauma through the eyes of a Black end-of-life caregiver.
Most of us understand grief as sorrow experienced after a loss--the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a change in life circumstance. Breeshia Wade approaches grief as something that is bigger than what's already happened to us--as something that is connected to what we fear, what we love, and what we aspire toward. Drawing on stories from her own life as a Black woman and from the people she has midwifed through the end of life, she connects sorrow not only to specific incidents but also to the ongoing trauma that is part and parcel of systemic oppression.
Wade reimagines our relationship to power, accountability, and boundaries and points to the long-term work we must all do in order to address systemic trauma perpetuated within our interpersonal relationships. Each of us has a moral obligation to attend to our own grief so that we can responsibly engage with others. Wade elucidates grief in every aspect of our lives, providing a map back to ourselves and allowing the reader to heal their innate wholeness.
Most of us understand grief as sorrow experienced after a loss--the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a change in life circumstance. Breeshia Wade approaches grief as something that is bigger than what's already happened to us--as something that is connected to what we fear, what we love, and what we aspire toward. Drawing on stories from her own life as a Black woman and from the people she has midwifed through the end of life, she connects sorrow not only to specific incidents but also to the ongoing trauma that is part and parcel of systemic oppression.
Wade reimagines our relationship to power, accountability, and boundaries and points to the long-term work we must all do in order to address systemic trauma perpetuated within our interpersonal relationships. Each of us has a moral obligation to attend to our own grief so that we can responsibly engage with others. Wade elucidates grief in every aspect of our lives, providing a map back to ourselves and allowing the reader to heal their innate wholeness.
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First published March 2, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
February 13, 2022
Studies about the intersections of grief and Blackness through the lens of theology, philosophy, personal life experiences as a queer Black woman, intergenerational trauma, and observations of working in a hospital NICU, amongst others. This book profoundly impacted me, I would HIGHLY recommend it. I'm a white paramedic working in a majority Black city and this should be required reading for all of my coworkers. I get my books almost exclusively from the library but I am specifically planning on buying a copy of this one to keep so I can revisit it in the future.
March 10, 2021
Have you ever identified all too well with Issa Dee or Molly on Insecure during their tense work scenes with white colleagues? Have you ever wondered what the effects of intergenerational racist trauma have on your life? Are you seeking an anti-racist and/or healing approach to justice? Or maybe you haven’t deeply pondered any of these questions but now that you’ve read them, you think you just might? Well, I’m happy to say that Grieving While Black: An Anti-racist Take on Oppression and Sorrow by Breeshia Wade, a professional caregiver and Buddhist practitioner, is just the book to aid you on this reflective journey.
If you’re like me, you’ve never considered grief outside of a major loss of life, in fact, you may try to detach yourself from lingering in emotions if you can help it. Though this barrier against feelings may serve some needs, it also prevents reconciliation and recognition of the acute pain beneath societal injustices. Grieving While Black: An Anti-racist Take on Oppression and Sorrow brings these conflicting feelings to light and guides you through understanding how daily interactions with racism and other oppressions are opportunities for reflection and healing. Make no mistake, this is not a book offering self-help tips in resolution to issues that you have very little control over. Instead, Wade shares her own experiences as a caregiver to illuminate the ways in which Black grief, much as the rest of the Black experience, has been criminalized to the point of medical professionals reacting to it with fear instead of empathy. By sharing these events, she reflects on the myriad ways in which oppression has robbed the oppressed of agency and most brutally, time. Time with ourselves, time outside of labor, time with dying loved ones, time stripped away from our own lives. In Wade’s estimation, racism is not only a distraction, it is a thief of life in a way that so many privileged people have no bearing of.
Read more here: https://blackgirlscreate.org/2021/03/...
If you’re like me, you’ve never considered grief outside of a major loss of life, in fact, you may try to detach yourself from lingering in emotions if you can help it. Though this barrier against feelings may serve some needs, it also prevents reconciliation and recognition of the acute pain beneath societal injustices. Grieving While Black: An Anti-racist Take on Oppression and Sorrow brings these conflicting feelings to light and guides you through understanding how daily interactions with racism and other oppressions are opportunities for reflection and healing. Make no mistake, this is not a book offering self-help tips in resolution to issues that you have very little control over. Instead, Wade shares her own experiences as a caregiver to illuminate the ways in which Black grief, much as the rest of the Black experience, has been criminalized to the point of medical professionals reacting to it with fear instead of empathy. By sharing these events, she reflects on the myriad ways in which oppression has robbed the oppressed of agency and most brutally, time. Time with ourselves, time outside of labor, time with dying loved ones, time stripped away from our own lives. In Wade’s estimation, racism is not only a distraction, it is a thief of life in a way that so many privileged people have no bearing of.
Read more here: https://blackgirlscreate.org/2021/03/...
January 12, 2023
This is a hard review to write. As a white therapist for mostly black clients - many experiencing grief & loss - I read this hoping to improve my abilities in working with grief in black communities. But having finished it, I'm just not sure who the book is written for. It's too academically written for the average person to get through without difficulty, it's repeatedly and pointedly alienating for black men (despite them likely being a target demographic along with white folks), and it hardly covers grief. The main title oddly doesn't match the content.
If you've read this far in disgust/anger, I hope to try to explain: The writing issue is pretty straightforward - it's just not consumable for the average person. The sentence lengths, vocab, and frequent abstract/philosophical content was often at graduate education level. But the book's cover sells "digestible nonfiction book for the general public" vibes.
The next issue was that it simply didn't cover much about grief. I assumed from the title and synopsis that the book was for black folks processing grief & loss, and for those wanting to gain a greater understanding on the topic: teachers, social workers, allies, and medical & mental health providers. Maybe that assumption was my mistake. It was a discussion of so many ideas: systemic racism, social locations, boundaries, power, spirituality, personhood, black female bodies, trauma. Grief may have been an initial part of that group, but the others crowded it out, despite it staying in the title. It was touched on - the hospital stories, for example - but not much more. It felt like the book's title should simply be "An Antiracist Take on Oppression and Sorrow," because grief itself just isn't a key component. Maybe "Grieving While Black" was an early title and the book developed into something very different before publishing, but the title wasn't re-examined before printing.
Lastly, the parts on the struggles and traumas of black women were written in such a way that I imagine many black men who pick up the book would quickly get turned off and stop reading. Context on the black female experience is certainly vital for learning about "grieving while black," and understandable since as a black female this is the author's perspective.
But, if you write about the struggles of an oppressed group (here, black women) in ways you want their oppressors (black men & white people) to *take in* without gut rejection reactions, a writer needs to temper the discomfort from describing those realities they're asking those readers to sit in with reminders - that facing the uncomfortable realities is necessary to change behaviors and systems for the better. The black male population is a group that could absolutely use a primer on grief & loss processing concepts, since stigma persists towards their expressing emotions other than anger. But I don't see how this book can effectively reach them, because the way it is written surely can't do anything but make them feel alienated and reject the content outright. Surprisingly, it read as more alienating to black men than even to white people. I was ready to feel uncomfortable as a white person, but I wasn't prepared for how frequently I wondered "Will any black men even read past this sentence?"
I was hoping to read and learn from a book that presented grief from a black perspective in a consumable yet educational way, but this just wasn't it.
If you've read this far in disgust/anger, I hope to try to explain: The writing issue is pretty straightforward - it's just not consumable for the average person. The sentence lengths, vocab, and frequent abstract/philosophical content was often at graduate education level. But the book's cover sells "digestible nonfiction book for the general public" vibes.
The next issue was that it simply didn't cover much about grief. I assumed from the title and synopsis that the book was for black folks processing grief & loss, and for those wanting to gain a greater understanding on the topic: teachers, social workers, allies, and medical & mental health providers. Maybe that assumption was my mistake. It was a discussion of so many ideas: systemic racism, social locations, boundaries, power, spirituality, personhood, black female bodies, trauma. Grief may have been an initial part of that group, but the others crowded it out, despite it staying in the title. It was touched on - the hospital stories, for example - but not much more. It felt like the book's title should simply be "An Antiracist Take on Oppression and Sorrow," because grief itself just isn't a key component. Maybe "Grieving While Black" was an early title and the book developed into something very different before publishing, but the title wasn't re-examined before printing.
Lastly, the parts on the struggles and traumas of black women were written in such a way that I imagine many black men who pick up the book would quickly get turned off and stop reading. Context on the black female experience is certainly vital for learning about "grieving while black," and understandable since as a black female this is the author's perspective.
But, if you write about the struggles of an oppressed group (here, black women) in ways you want their oppressors (black men & white people) to *take in* without gut rejection reactions, a writer needs to temper the discomfort from describing those realities they're asking those readers to sit in with reminders - that facing the uncomfortable realities is necessary to change behaviors and systems for the better. The black male population is a group that could absolutely use a primer on grief & loss processing concepts, since stigma persists towards their expressing emotions other than anger. But I don't see how this book can effectively reach them, because the way it is written surely can't do anything but make them feel alienated and reject the content outright. Surprisingly, it read as more alienating to black men than even to white people. I was ready to feel uncomfortable as a white person, but I wasn't prepared for how frequently I wondered "Will any black men even read past this sentence?"
I was hoping to read and learn from a book that presented grief from a black perspective in a consumable yet educational way, but this just wasn't it.
March 17, 2021
I’ve only completed about 40% of what I feel will have been one of the more significant (even life-changing, certainly perspective and thought process-changing) reads of my life. I’m slow because I have stepped back and slowed down to read and reread and ponder the content so frequently. This is so pertinent to the times in which we are living, but also, for any time, if being “human” is an aspiration. It is such a meaningful aid to any that have been carrying and dealing with grief of any sort from one’s past, be the grief yours or that of someone else.
This woman’s story is so personal and captivating you want to know more,
and yet, it’s so personal that it tears at your heart strings, not only for her but for an entire race and much of humanity which has been marginalized. As I read, I am embarrassed, not for having had a peek in to this person’s heart and soul, but for not having taken longer, harder looks and soul-searching in to my own heart and motivations and actions which have driven my life.
Angst, anguish, passion and courage are shared, but most importantly the desire to explain the basis for so many emotions plaguing many of us in these difficult times - begging the questions, “Why can we not see these women / persons / people?“ and “What should and shall I do from here moving forward for the rest of my life to be a part of the community?”
As an old Jewish man, I thought I knew a little about persecution, grief and compassion, but my eyes are more open now.
I thank Ms Breeshia Wade for sharing her story so I might incorporate some most important lessons in living in to my own life and be a better person in the rest of my life.
Michael Kopf
This woman’s story is so personal and captivating you want to know more,
and yet, it’s so personal that it tears at your heart strings, not only for her but for an entire race and much of humanity which has been marginalized. As I read, I am embarrassed, not for having had a peek in to this person’s heart and soul, but for not having taken longer, harder looks and soul-searching in to my own heart and motivations and actions which have driven my life.
Angst, anguish, passion and courage are shared, but most importantly the desire to explain the basis for so many emotions plaguing many of us in these difficult times - begging the questions, “Why can we not see these women / persons / people?“ and “What should and shall I do from here moving forward for the rest of my life to be a part of the community?”
As an old Jewish man, I thought I knew a little about persecution, grief and compassion, but my eyes are more open now.
I thank Ms Breeshia Wade for sharing her story so I might incorporate some most important lessons in living in to my own life and be a better person in the rest of my life.
Michael Kopf
July 21, 2021
Breeshia Wade's words led to thoughtful reflection and reframing, especially around the concept of grief and grieving. I also appreciated her perspectives on theology, as well as what guides her work as a hospital chaplain. The book was at times too abstract - especially in the ending sections. I also think it would've benefitted from a different organization of the content. That being said, it's still an important contribution to world and one I'd be happy to revisit with some time and distance.
June 26, 2024
One of the best books I’ve read in some time—it changed my thinking in profound ways.
Here are just a few (of the very many) excerpts I wrote down in my “quotes I keep” note:
As long as we have something to fear, we must be attentive to how we avoid that fear.”—p. 133
***
“Failure is nothing more than reality not matching our expectations.”—p. 129
***
“ We need a theology that can deal with the unthinkable, that can endure life’s challenges, like when a 94-year-old woman who has lost three children and her husband is suddenly faced with losing her home through no fault of her own. Like when a mother is drowning in rage, self blame, and grief after her body goes into premature labor when her child was almost – but not quite – physically developed enough to receive life-saving measures. We need a theology grounded in a power beyond outcomes, beyond doing, a theology that can make room for the possibility of failure because it recognizes that there will come a time when we will not be victorious, because we are human – we have limits.”—p. 129
***
“Our present selves are not divorced from the past lives and moments that created us. Racism is a part of America’s DNA, and like parents who abandoned a child in order to flee the burden of shame, the present is driven by subconscious awareness of this unreckoning. And so when “good intentions” reveal harmful actions, ideals of community, compassion, accountability, and self-awareness dissolve into ego and anger, because the recognition of having committed a transgression in the form of racism, contradicts the notion of being a “good person.” p. 96-97 As long as we have something to fear, we must be attentive to how we avoid that fear.”—p. 133
Here are just a few (of the very many) excerpts I wrote down in my “quotes I keep” note:
As long as we have something to fear, we must be attentive to how we avoid that fear.”—p. 133
***
“Failure is nothing more than reality not matching our expectations.”—p. 129
***
“ We need a theology that can deal with the unthinkable, that can endure life’s challenges, like when a 94-year-old woman who has lost three children and her husband is suddenly faced with losing her home through no fault of her own. Like when a mother is drowning in rage, self blame, and grief after her body goes into premature labor when her child was almost – but not quite – physically developed enough to receive life-saving measures. We need a theology grounded in a power beyond outcomes, beyond doing, a theology that can make room for the possibility of failure because it recognizes that there will come a time when we will not be victorious, because we are human – we have limits.”—p. 129
***
“Our present selves are not divorced from the past lives and moments that created us. Racism is a part of America’s DNA, and like parents who abandoned a child in order to flee the burden of shame, the present is driven by subconscious awareness of this unreckoning. And so when “good intentions” reveal harmful actions, ideals of community, compassion, accountability, and self-awareness dissolve into ego and anger, because the recognition of having committed a transgression in the form of racism, contradicts the notion of being a “good person.” p. 96-97 As long as we have something to fear, we must be attentive to how we avoid that fear.”—p. 133
August 18, 2025
This was recommended to me by a hospice chaplain. Its content was much broader than I had expected, and I felt like I’d need a year-long course to scratch the surface of some of the author’s ideas. Still, I’m glad I read it.
Favorite quotes -
“Grief and fear and loss will always be a reality for humans - even if we find ways to cure disease and extend life immeasurably, impermanence would still be the muted symphony around which we orchestrate our life’s actions. As long as we have something to fear, we must be attentive to how we avoid that fear.”
“Any theology I engage must hold to the experiences I encounter as a chaplain; it must hold to the test of the unbearable, the unforgivable, the unimaginable.”
“Empathy is about acknowledging the limits of my own knowledge and experiences. Empathy calls for imagination. I may not know what it means to suffer certain kinds of death, but I can imagine. Imagination stems from connection with my own pain.”
Favorite quotes -
“Grief and fear and loss will always be a reality for humans - even if we find ways to cure disease and extend life immeasurably, impermanence would still be the muted symphony around which we orchestrate our life’s actions. As long as we have something to fear, we must be attentive to how we avoid that fear.”
“Any theology I engage must hold to the experiences I encounter as a chaplain; it must hold to the test of the unbearable, the unforgivable, the unimaginable.”
“Empathy is about acknowledging the limits of my own knowledge and experiences. Empathy calls for imagination. I may not know what it means to suffer certain kinds of death, but I can imagine. Imagination stems from connection with my own pain.”
February 21, 2023
This was a slow, enlightening, enriching, and incredibly tough read. As a black woman I felt seen and heard by Wade’s analyses of how the practice of grief, forgiveness, and reinforced societal trauma gets put repeatedly and unfairly on black people and particularly on black women. I loved injecting both christian and buddhist principles as a child of the South who has strayed away from her baptist roots toward buddhist enlightenment teachings. This is an insightful, educational book for anyone who decided to pick it up, not only for black individuals. I gifted this book to my brother, I talk about this book frequently in conversation, I have made note of many life changing quotes and passages. This is a book that has changed the trajectory of my mentality and my relationship with myself, my trauma, and the world. Thank you, Breeshia Wade.
December 24, 2021
This was a really incredible piece of writing on grief and oppression. Highly recommend!! Wade does an impressive job of connecting personal grief to systemic oppression, especially racism. It is not a hard argument to follow as Wade's writing is clear, concise, and purposeful. I felt like I learned quite a lot about grief in general and feel more capable of identifying and elaborating on the ways in which my personal grief has likely served to negatively impact the bipoc people in my life. Wade makes a strong case for the need to cultivate awareness about the ways in which grief and pain are present in your life, and to tend to your own healing as an important part of a larger commitment to end generational and systemic trauma and oppression.
January 13, 2023
I'd like to start of first by stating that this book wasnt written for the everday lay person looking for tips to move through grief, this book presents more like a doctoral thesis. With that being said, there is still much to glean from this work in terms of just expanding your knowledge of how a black woman has been impacted by racism ,gender-ism and even horizontal oppression (specifically from black men). I thought this was going to be a tool I could really use create applicable tools for my clients/patients but this is not that. The insight provided will offer self reflection, IF you are able to connect to this academic style of writing.
January 14, 2023
A horrowing journey into the life of an end of life dulla as she braves the rigorous waves of collective grief. She poses a fascinating quandary, what exactly is grief? Is it generational? And if so who is responsible for the sins of our ancestors? And what repercussions are still laid bare for those of us whose skin still singles us out for execution. A brave and heartbreakingly honest glimpse into the life of Breeshia Wade, a black lesbian Buddhist trying to make sense of the incomprehensible while encountering each page with beautiful pros full of compassion. A must read.
November 8, 2023
A really illuminating and provoking book about how grief is the root cause of oppression- racism, patriarchy, homophobia capitalism, imperialism are just the way it's been organized. Reading this while witnessing current events in Gaza was eye opening to the ways that oppression is universally driven by grief and fear. It's heavy, but also solution oriented and filled with wisdom I'll keep meditating on in the daily pursuit of liberation for myself and all oppressed people.
November 14, 2024
I wasn’t sure who this book was written for; Black Audience, people attempting to learn how to be anti-racist, etc? Reading this I could relate of course because the experience is of the Black Women but I was expecting tools and more help. I would argue the audience is probably for a different group of people…
An easy read, captivating stories and would be an eye opener for other people looking to educate themselves on the Black experience. I didn’t find it very useful.
An easy read, captivating stories and would be an eye opener for other people looking to educate themselves on the Black experience. I didn’t find it very useful.
March 11, 2021
A really thoughtful approach to the roots of oppression, and what justice requires from all of us. I appreciated the author's use of her unique background and experience to let us into rooms we wouldn't typically have access to. Great read, and a good length for the number of times I wanted to pause, ponder, and reread as I went!
March 13, 2021
I was really moved by this book. The author has clearly experienced a lot as a Black woman. Her ability to take deep emotional experiences and find the nuggets of wisdom the rest of us need is really something. There were parts that I had to re-read because it was just so deep and it took me a second to really let it sink in. Overall it was accessible and profound
December 30, 2021
This books take to be more expansive on how we talk about and view grief makes some really interesting/compelling connections. I think particularly making the case that oppression and racism is very much unresolved grief really resonated with me. I wanted Wade to unpack power a bit more but overall a very interesting and concise inquiry on a universal experience.
June 4, 2022
This was quite short, and I wish it had been longer. When the author wrote of her personal experiences and provided anecdotes, I found it extremely engaging and illuminating. However, the more abstract and philosophical passages were a little more difficult to read through. Overall, I think the author has a lot of important things to say, I just wish it had been honed in more effectively.
February 28, 2023
I will definitely coming back to this book. One of the most important anti racist books I’ve read. Made grapple with my own relationship to racism and also different systems of oppression. Truly an amazing book.
July 20, 2023
This book is not for the sensitive or faint of heart. It challenges you in a way that I didn't know possible. Agree that it's academic in some places, but the spiritual depth of this woman is just wow. It's soul shaking how much she is just so perceptive.
October 30, 2025
Audiobook.
The first half of the book resonated with me. I was interested in her work along with the personal examples she provided.
This is a no nonsense, no apologies succinctly written work that is challenging & thought provoking!
Enjoy!
The first half of the book resonated with me. I was interested in her work along with the personal examples she provided.
This is a no nonsense, no apologies succinctly written work that is challenging & thought provoking!
Enjoy!
March 12, 2021
This woman has a gift. A writer and very insightful. If you're white it'll probably trigger a lot. The book is meant to. On you to figure that out".
August 26, 2021
The whole book was excellent, but the last three chapters were especially powerful.
June 20, 2022
I don’t really know what to say besides everyone should read this, because everyone should. Critical read.
March 18, 2023
So insightful and full of nuggets of wisdom!
October 9, 2023
Get. This. Book.
That's it. That's the review.
That's it. That's the review.
February 9, 2024
Anyone and everyone one could benefit from this book. I appreciate the accessible language and holistic perspective. Highly recommend this short but impactful book.
July 28, 2025
read this for the author’s anecdotes, less so her philosophical and theological musings
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews