Does the Bible Affirm Same-Sex Relationships? Examining 10 Claims about Scripture and Sexuality

by Rebecca McLaughlin

Examines the arguments used to claim that the Bible affirms same-sex relationships. You may have heard the claim that the Bible, when read correctly, is not against believers entering monogamous, faithful same-sex relationships. The arguments sound quite compelling.” Jesus never talked about same-sex relationships.” “Paul was only condemning exploitative relationships, not consensual ones." “We don’t keep the Old Testament food laws, so why would we keep the ones on same-sex sex?” “If God is love, he can’t be against relationships of love.” And more. Have Christians through the ages just been getting this one wrong? In this concise book, Rebecca McLaughlin looks at ten of the most common arguments used to claim that the Bible affirms same-sex sexual relationships. She analyses the arguments and associated Bible passages one by one to uncover what the Bible really says. For Rebecca, as someone with a lifelong history of same-sex attraction, this is not just an academic question. But rather than concluding that the Bible does affirm same-sex marriage, she points readers to the gospel purpose of male-female marriage, a different kind of gospel-centred love between believers of the same sex, and God’s life-and-love-filled vision for singleness.

Genres: Theology, Christianity, Christian, Sexuality, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Faith

128 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2024

About the author

Rebecca McLaughlin (PhD, Cambridge University) is the cofounder of Vocable Communications, a communications consulting and training firm. She is also a regular contributor to the Gospel Coalition and previously spent nine years working with top academics at the Veritas Forum, which hosts forums on college campuses with conversations that pursue answers to life's hardest questions.

Reviews

[Jules · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up in a devout Christian family. In high school, after falling in love with a female friend, I came out to my parents. Soon afterward, deeply wounded by the church's treatment of LGBTQ folks and seething at Christian hypocrisy, I left the faith in pursuit of secular, liberal acceptance. It's only been over the past five months, after over five years away from the faith, that I've felt compelled to dig into Christian theology.

Does the Bible Affirm Same-Sex Relationships? is a powerfully concise and accessible book that diligently explores 10 popular claims about sexuality and the Bible. This ranges from God's judgment on Sodom to Paul's writings; if you're a Christian and have explored LGBTQ issues in the past, you've almost certainly heard of some of these assertations from LGBTQ-affirming Christians. For each claim, Rebecca McLaughlin clearly articulates why the Bible does not affirm same-sex relationships. She also goes one step further: since same-sex relationships are an active misinterpretation of God's design, it's actually harmful for Christians to be in same-sex relationships and/or to affirm the same-sex relationships of other Christians (and, as a result, unintentionally encourage them further away from God).

If, like me, you have previously or currently identify as gay or questioning, this might feel like a devasting blow. Because of the unique intimacy and cultural weight of romantic relationships, I think expecting Christians who are attracted to the same sex (particularly Christians who are exclusively attracted to the same sex) to avoid gay relationships can seem unreasonably and unspeakably cruel. You might be tempted to dismiss McLaughlin's book as bigoted; you might be Googling counterarguments right now.

However, I'm writing this review because Rebecca McLaughlin helped me realize that this Biblically-grounded message isn't one of despair or cruelty, but one of breathtaking hope. I know that might sound glib — and I'm sorry if it does — but I hope you'll hear me out. Rebecca, someone who has been primarily attracted to women throughout her life, explains that "the Christian call is not to loneliness but to love" (113). Whether we identify as gay or straight, we are all made for community — and McLaughlin includes countless examples of platonic friendships and communities that are fulfilling beyond anything secular society has to offer, from the Bible, her own life, and the lives of her friends who also struggle with same-sex attraction. More than the community we can see, however, she emphasizes that the ultimate joy to be had in life (and beyond) is to be in close relationship with God. To quote the epilogue directly:

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." (Matthew 13:44). Following Jesus means being willing to give up everything — even our most treasured hopes, dreams, and relationships. We tend to see this as a terrible cost. But Rachel pointed out that the man in Jesus' parable does not sell all he has resentfully, lamenting all the way. Rather, he's filled with joy. Rachel movingly reflected, "When you've actually heard the gospel, when you've actually seen the beauty of Christ, you sell everything in your joy." You see, Jesus is the treasure. When we find him, we find our life (Colossians 3:4). And as we give ourselves to Jesus, we will find that we have gained each other too. (113)

I love the earnest Christian community that I've been getting involved with recently. That said, I'd be lying if I said that I don't get lonely, especially when I'm lying in bed alone at night. In those moments it's hard not to long for the depth of intimacy I've only ever experienced with a romantic and sexual partner. However, if God truly made romantic relationships to reflect His relationship with the church, I can only imagine how much more fulfilling a life lived following Jesus radically and earnestly will be than any imperfect human relationship, queer or straight. It's still sometimes very hard for me to believe this, but I feel like I'm nearing the top of a mountain and am just starting to see what's on the other side of the crest — a glimpse of the Biggest Love that's ahead of me.

This is the best book I've read about the Bible and queer sexuality: grounded in truth and filled with love. Please read it.

[Brittany Shields · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Given my lifelong history of same-sex attraction, you might think my conclusion— that the Bible leaves no room for followers of Jesus to pursue same-sex sexual relationships— makes this short book a tragedy. You might even think this book is an attempt to foster hatefulness toward those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer. But it is not. Instead of urging anybody toward hatred (of themselves or others), I hope instead to point us all to Jesus’ love… I want to sketch a vision from the Bible of deep, joyful, Christ-exalting love between believers of the same sex: not a love that mimics marriage but a no less precious, different kind of love… [My prayer is that] you’ll ultimately find that Jesus is the path to life and love beyond your wildest dreams.”


I start with such a long quote because I think for this book it is essential for readers to know where the author, Rebecca McLaughlin, stands— both in the facts of her position, AND in the heart of her position.

I think a lot of people won’t even try to read this book because they’ve heard it all before or because any sort of dissent to their belief is perceived as hate. I think a lot of people will read this book to get confirmation of their own beliefs.

And I’m not sure if there are many people who are undecided on whether or not to read this book.

But particularly those who would lean towards rejecting this book, or Christians who are feeling more and more drawn to changing their position on same-sex sexual relationships, I would encourage you that this book is for you.

It’s short, barely 100 pages, and could easily be read in a day.

It’s not the most exhaustive book on the topic— see original post for list of other recommended books— but it hits on 10 popular arguments that people, Christian and otherwise, give claiming that the Bible affirms same-sex sexual relationships.

The author is writing to us because she has been there and she currently is there. A place where she experiences same-sex attraction. She tried so hard to read the Bible in a way that affirms her heart’s longing.

She also shares the stories of some of her friends who had their own journeys of struggle and of coming to the Bible to shape it to their needs. But they all came to the conclusion that the Bible is clear in what it teaches.



In a lot of ways that is hard news. No one wants to be told they can’t have what they want.

But in a lot of ways, it is good news. And that’s what I love most about this book (and McLaughlin’s others) is because it’s not a book of ‘no.’ It’s an invitation to the ‘yes’ that the Bible DOES offer.

Sexual relationship is not the pinnacle of human existence, worth, or satisfaction. Our culture rarely deviates from a position of sexual fulfillment and sexual freedom ethic as if that’s our ultimate goal and happiness in life. Even a lot of churches put marriage on a pedestal.

McLaughlin reminds us that Paul and Jesus never had sexual relationships and yet I think we can all agree their lives were pretty fulfilling. She reminds us that in Scripture “married love, parental love, and friendship love are all held up as precious. But only the last kind of love is mandatory.”

Marriage may be a picture of Jesus’s love for the church, but friendships still offer us a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love- “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (Jn 15:12-13)


The strength of this book is being able to articulate clearly in a short number of pages the biblical argument for sex and marriage to be between a man and woman, but also to elevate other kinds of relationships to their rightful place. It assures those with same-sex attraction that they still belong in the church and they still have a place in sharing in and portraying to others the love of Christ.

The claims that she addresses are as follows:

1. Christians should just focus on the gospel of God’s love [meaning it’s a second-tier issue]

2. Jesus was silent on same-sex relationships

3. God’s judgement on Sodom isn’t a judgment on same-sex relationships [Genesis 18]

4. It’s inconsistent to follow the Old Testament on same-sex sex but Not on shellfish [Leviticus; I hear this one all the time]

5. Paul condemns exploitative same-sex relationships, not consensual ones [Romans 1]

6. Paul was condemning Excessive lust, not same-sex sexual orientation

7. The word ‘homosexual’ wasn’t used in Bibles until 1946— it’s a misinterpretation [1 Corinthians 6]

8. The trajectory of the Bible is toward rejecting slavery and affirming same-sex marriage [1 Timothy 1]

9. Unchosen celibacy yields bad fruit

10. A God of love can’t be against relationships of love


“I’ve attempted to articulate each argument carefully, explore why it might seem persuasive, and explain where I think it falls short.”



I won’t write more because at that point, you could have already finished the book instead of my review, but I will say again that this is a worthy read that is concise, straightforward, and honest.

It probably won’t be an easy read for a lot of people, but all good things aren’t always easy.

The call for ALL believers is to treasure Christ and count the cost of following him. We must ALL deny our sinful desires and take up our cross to follow him.

“Following Jesus means being willing to give up everything— even our most treasured hopes, dreams, and relationships... Jesus is the treasure. When we find him, we find our life. And as we give ourselves to Jesus, we will find that we have gained each other too.”

“The Christian call is not to loneliness but to love.”


**Received a copy of this book from The Good Book Company in exchange for an honest review.**

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[David Cowpar · Rating 1 out of 5]

Once upon a time I would have eaten this up. When I went looking for people to affirm me in my decision to ignore and suppress my sexuality books like this would be exactly the meal I wanted to eat. This book claims to look at the claims Christians who affirm same-sex relationships as Biblically viable alternatives to a marriage of one man and one woman. But she really skims over them and doesn’t go deep enough, doesn’t deal with the real arguments and doesn’t deal with the Biblical languages for the most part. She says it’s because it’s going to be a short book. Why is short Mrs. McLaughlin? It’s short because you decided it would be short, because you decided you wouldn’t actually deal with the claims you were going to refute but would give a brief overview of them that doesn’t do them justice and then refute that overview, and not even particularly well at that.

But a previous iteration of myself would read this and be like… yup… that’s great… those claims to another way of seeing sexuality issues are really weak. It’s nice to know better. But I’m sad for many Bible-believing Evangelicals who will read this and also be like “yup… that’s great… those claims to another way of seeing sexuality issues are really weak.” I really hope, whatever conclusion you come to, you do more research than this book, which does absolutely nothing to contribute to the conversation about a Biblical understanding of non-heterosexual orientations and relationships and instead hinders the discussion greatly by pretending to neatly wrap something in a bow that’s not cube/cuboid shaped and so is not easily wrapped. Below is a full list of thoughts on what she says about each claim she lists.


Claim 1.
The claim was treat it as a secondary issue and let Christians make up their own mind.

Her argument against that is it’s a picture of the Gospel, Christ and the church. She says if it’s a picture or a symbol we shouldn’t change the elements of it.
Marriage is not considered a sacrament except in the Catholic Church.

In the Protestant church there are two: Baptism and Communion/Eucharist/The Lord’s Table. Both of these you could say are pictures of the gospel. But both the symbols change as needed. Like during the pandemic churches said people could use any food and any beverage they had to hand. There’s bread with yeast, without, the cracker things, crackers, bread rolls, sliced pan and there’s wine, grape juice, ribena etc. the things change. Baptism is the same. There’s christening, immersion, oil, no oil, sprinkle, wipe, pool, bath, river. Etc.
So the elements of the symbolism change but the new elements symbolize the same things. There’s no reason marriage cannot be the same. It takes two different individuals, two people who are not the same. The symbol works no matter the elements if there are two people who are not the same person.

Claim 2
Is that Jesus didn’t comment on same sex. Rebecca uses the famous teaching on divorce passage where Jesus quotes Genesis 1:27 but like all anti-gay apologists she fails to deal with the actual message of that, which is divorce, and how a divorced and remarried person should be treated in the Christian community. Decontextualising scripture is a dangerous game.
Second she says Jesus says sexual immorality comes from the heart and quotes one person to prove pornea (sexual immorality) would include same sex relationships as we know them today. At least at this point (she may later) no time is given to discussing that. You are just supposed to a) take this one guys she quotes word to mean Jesus would include same sex relationships and B) that the sort of same sex relationships that would be included in that word are loving, committed ones.

I appreciate the bits about Christ redeeming our sexual sins and us as sexual sinners generally.

Claim 3
Sodom wasn’t judged for being gay.

I read this chapter with a sense of sheer dread. Like if she was to be like yup about this and that God judged Sodom for homosexuality I’d be like girl get a grip. She doesn’t. She says it’s definitely about gang rape. Definitely about sin, the sin may be sexual and when it’s sexual may be because it was angels involved or men they looked to rape. She’s not a complete looney tune at least.

Claim 4
If Christians can eat shellfish now, which the Old Testament forbids, then same sex relationships, which the Old Testament also forbids are also ok.

This claim is always dubious to me. If you read the Hebrew for the two verses in Leviticus translated to mean a male can’t have sex with a male it’s so Archaic it’s really difficult to translate. For example the word with when it says one should not lie with a male as a woman. The with is added to the English to make it clearer. Further she mentions it’s male like God made them male and female. And then quotes the second Leviticus verse. Which has man and male and generally speaking in Hebrew to be counted a man you had to be an adult whereas being male could be any male of any age. So she says it can’t be a man with a boy. But the way the Hebrew is if it is talking about man on man sex in that second Levitical prohibition it could well be cos why use man and male and make the distinction otherwise?

She also makes the claim that we know which laws from the Old Testament still stand today because they are repeated in the New Testament and as the same sex ones are in the New then they stand? But are they even in the Old? It depends whether you read English and take it as Gospel or you dig a little deeper.

I do agree that arguing about picking and choosing which laws you follow is a dumb argument though.

Claim 5
Speaking of the verses in Romans 1 she says that this is where people argue that Paul only has certain types of same sex sex acts in mind.

That’s not the argument for these verses.

It’s interesting for me as a person who has been where Rebecca is to read this. Like before I’d be like yup they (the gays) are wrong and this is the right approach. But moving the arguments from one verse to another does a straw man make.

To be fair to biblical traditionalists, Romans 1:27-28 is the most convincing anti gay relationships part of the Bible. But again it’s only convincing if you remove it from its context. The context is Paul is writing to Jesus Christians in Rome. The reason he wrote is the church there was becoming divided between Jewish and Gentile believers. So Paul describes the most deplorable Gentile his readers can think of and includes homosexuality. But then says but actually Jew. You are as bad as that. It’s a caricature. Not a condemnation.

Claim 6
Paul in Romans 1 is not condemning same sex relationships because there was no idea of orientation in that time period but he is condemning excessive lust.

I basically agree with her stance on this one. It’s not about excessive lust and there was a concept of orientation in the Greco-Roman world, in fact it seems a lot more people were bisexual then.
But her conclusion that Paul is actually condemning all same sex relationships again misses the context of Romans 1-3

Claim 7
The words in 1 Corinthians don’t mean homosexual.

She rightly points out that using the word homosexual is not helpful as it condemns the whole orientation. But then doesn’t deal with how one knows one is orientated such and Jesus words on lust being the same as adultery which Christian’s like her always conveniently gloss over.

There is some admittance here that the words in 1 Corinthians could mean something other than the active and passive partner in a gay relationship. But she thinks that that’s most likely what it means. I think you’d best be sure about something meaning something if you’re going to base your life on it. Fair enough if she does. But there’s enough room for it to mean other things. So then that verse may condemn gay sex to her understanding. But that doesn’t make it prescriptive to everyone else.

Matthew 7:2
For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Claim 8
The direction of things is toward accepting same sex relationships just as it was to outlawing slavery.

Her basic argument here boils down to one thing. What does arsenakotoi mean and she hasn’t dealt with that enough. She points out that in Timothy Paul says “men who practice homosexuality” and “enslavers” are mentioned side by side as sinners. But that is a very surface assuming she is right about arsenakotoi’s meaning. Which she hasn’t even remotely made a convincing argument for

Claim 9,
Forced Singleness bears bad fruit.

Basically this can be summed up in this sentence “So, if someone finds their struggle with same-sex temptation very difficult, is it better for them to pursue a same-sex marriage? I don’t believe so.”

She doesn’t believe so. But this whole book is skimming over arguments to try and buoy her beliefs that she has preconceived. She hasn’t actually engaged in any of the arguments. Instead she points out the lives of people she knows who bear good fruit and are same sex attracted and single. This doesn’t mean that other people aren’t negatively affected by the idea of a forced lifelong singleness.
You can’t point at someone enjoying apple pie and saying therefore Apple pie is now the only legal dessert because it’s good because these people like it. That’s not logic at all let alone stupid logic.

Claim 10
How could a God of love be against loving relationships?

She says He isn’t… because we are commanded to love our friends of the same sex! But, she goes on, same sex romantic and sexual relationships aren’t actually love because, in her view, which she certainly hasn’t proven at all, they are based on sexual immorality.

She then goes on to talk about her husband. So she’s not even a celibate for life LGBT person. Which sort of makes writing a book like this and telling other people they have to be a bit of a lousy move.
She also talks about sexual orientation as if it’s only about who you are attracted to showing a lack of understanding of it.
She also talks about sexuality changing and offers it as her hope. That and friendship.



I was feeling sorry for her. She was in deep. I was there before. But actually she’s a woman married to a man who experiences bisexual attraction on occasion trying to make rules for L and G people she has not lived herself.

One further point I’d like to add to this. She talks throughout the book about her same-sex attraction and it being wrong and sinful. And yes, yes it is wrong and sinful for her to be looking outside her marriage at another individual for some form of sexual fulfillment. But the reason she is needing to repent and turn away from her sinful ways is not because the person she was lusting after was of the same gender, the reason is she has made a commitment to one man before God. But the guilt she rightly feels about her own temptations towards people outside her marriage should not make her think everyone with same sex attraction/part of the LGBTQIA+ community is as sinful as she is in that area. The sin this author feels is the temptation towards adultery, and as Jesus said, anyone who lusts after a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

[Paul Abdallah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might be recency bias, but this is currently my favorite book I’ve read on this subject. She has a wonderful balance between exegesis, story telling and a presentation of Jesus that is compelling. I wanted to know Jesus more because of this book.

[Lauren Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything she writes is so biblically sound, thoughtful, and succinct. This is an excellent read.

[Neil R. Coulter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I suspect all readers will be surprised at some point (or multiple points) while reading Does the Bible Affirm Same-sex Relationships?—and that’s a good thing. It’s written by Rebecca McLaughlin, a Brit now living in the US. McLaughlin is a Christian and has experienced same-sex attraction for most of her life. In this book, she looks at ten common arguments that the Bible is not actually opposed to same-sex relationships. The first surprise might be that McLaughlin, who understands same-sex attraction, would consistently find that the Bible very strongly opposes same-sex marriage, even when it takes the form of monogamous, loving relationship. Later, the reader learns that McLaughlin is happily married to a man and has three children. And a final surprise is that the author concludes that the Bible very much affirms same-sex relationships.

The key to the book is McLaughlin’s focus on the bigger story of the Bible. What does God intend for us humans? Repeatedly, looking all throughout Scripture, McLaughlin finds that God created us for love and community. It’s not always a painless love, but it is ultimately the most satisfying. So the Bible does not affirm same-sex marriage or sexual relations, but it does affirm the love of friendship among brothers and sisters in Christ. One of McLaughlin’s most compelling points is not specifically about same-sex relationships at all: She says that by making an idol of romantic love that leads to marriage, our culture has cut itself off from the full scope of love that God made us to share and enjoy. In fact, the New Testament doesn’t present a trajectory that leads to increasing permissiveness toward same-sex marriage, but rather, it celebrates singleness as a form of love that modern-day society has neglected. And above all, the Bible turns our eyes toward the only truly fulfilling love; when we see God as he is and experience his perfect love, we'll finally understand the sacrifices we've endured in this life. Through this well-reasoned study of the whole Bible (always keeping the full sweep of Scripture in focus, not becoming distracted by out-of-context proof-texting), McLaughlin suggests that we may be asking the wrong questions.

My comments here are embarrassingly poorly formed. Trust me, the book is excellent. At just a hundred pages, it’s a quick read and well worth anyone’s time. As an audiobook, it’s a little over two hours of listening, and I recommend that way of reading this one. McLaughlin reads the book, and hearing the book in her voice removes any concern that she writes with anger, bitterness, or dismissiveness. I think hearing her reading makes a good book even better.

[Tim Goldsmith · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a general rule, if Rebecca McLaughlin writes a new book, I order it straight away. This is definitely a book worth reading, particularly in a modern age where there are all kinds of modern takes on the bible, seeking to refute the position that the church has held for two millenia.
Rebecca does a good job of calling out attitudes of christians that have not been Christ-like, but also deals thoughtfully with a range of popular opinions. Shouldn't we just focus on God's love? Did Jesus actually say anything about same sex relationships? Are we cherry picking which things we focus on? Isn't Paul concerned with exploitative relationships between older men & younger slaves? Didn't the word "Homosexual" only appear in the bible in 1946? These and other questions are addressed. In particular, I enjoyed her take that we want to encourage more same-sex relationships, but it's how they are expressed that needs to change. Our culture has devalued solid platonic relationships, which offer fulfilling and meaningful relationships for people!
It was a little pricey for a 110 page book, but McLaughlin is always insightful, pastoral and quotable, so it was worth the purchase. T

[Devin Moncada · Rating 4 out of 5]

So much help packed into such a short book.

McLaughlin is a model for how to talk about this topic. She’s kind and truthful. She walks through the topic from personal experience but follows scripture as her guide. She presents all the major claims for affirming same-sex sex and shows how each goes against the Bible’s teaching. And she interweaves the stories of her life and her friends in each chapter, which shows that she’s not speaking about the topic divorced from real people who experience same-sex attraction.

I found it helpful that she distinguished between homosexuality, same-sex relationships, and same-sex sex. Jesus and the biblical authors teach same-sex sex as sinful, but they affirm same-sex relationships in friendship and do not condemn same-sex attraction. Attraction and action are different.

Would highly recommend the book as anyone’s starting point for thinking about the topic.

[Sipho · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with her conclusions, but some of the arguments were under-developed in my opinion.

To be fair, that's probably more a result of the fact that this was an intentionally short book. I'd love to read more about whether the metaphor of marriage really is the only one used in the New Testament to describe the gospel, and what basis we have for following rules in Leviticus regarding sexuality.

All that said, this book is worth a read. It's short and well written, with great faithfulness to the Bible.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebecca McLaughlin's "Does the Bible Affirm Same-Sex Relationships" is thoughtful and direct. She examines ten claims by progressives that claim that the Bible affirms same-sex marriage. As always, McLaughlin writes with both compassion and weight as she counters each of those claims. An excellent book for anyone, but especially for the person who might have been swayed by Matthew Vines or Karen Keens.

[Breanna McCracken · Rating 3 out of 5]

A required read for work. There is good reference to scripture and the author does a good job of going back to the original language, but occasionally puts interpretations that have me wondering how that conclusion was made. Overall the book is clear, concise, and addresses common claims well. I appreciate that the author uses her own experience of same sex attraction and her friendships with others who have/do experience this as well to set the tone and provide additional context.

[Ellie Danker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book. This book had great (and very humbling) truths throughout. I wish I would’ve read it over a shorter period of time since it’s so short, but I’ll definitely have to go through and read it again at some point. I love that Rebecca McLaughlin shared real stories of people who have same-sex attraction. Great book :)

[Brad Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good little book - clear, concise (barely 100 pages), and compelling! Will definitely be using this as a go-to resource.

"Jesus looks into your heart and mine and finds us both unquestionably guilty. But, at the same time, Jesus looks into your eyes and mine and tells us that we're unimaginably loved."

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple and thorough. A rare treat!

[Your favorite troll · Rating 5 out of 5]

Straight forward (get it?)

[Anne Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative, encouraging, honest, concise—but above all, loving. This book was grounding for me & just makes me excited about Jesus’s love & those who have yet to truly experience it!! God is love 💗

[Lainey · Rating 5 out of 5]

By far the best I've read on this topic. This book made me feel deeply and broke me for the hearts of those with same sex attraction.

I listened to this for free, but I will be buying this book and rereading it from time to time.

[Danielle · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was given to me & I was open and excited to read about a different perspective. However, I am completely disappointed in this book. The author begins the book by essentially saying “my points may seem incomplete or lacking…. But that’s because the book is small.” Ma’am, if you’re going to die on a hill that hurts other people in Jesus’ name, you better be willing to provide the theological explanation for it no matter how many words it takes. I am heartbroken for the people who have read this book and settled for believing this author’s words and ‘experience’ as truth. If you are reading this, there are so many better resources out there (from a number of perspectives) that are 100 times more helpful with real points and actual evidence for those points/conclusions. You are loved🩵

[Macy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been a lovely and encouraging little book to read. I believe it’s written to be both appropriately academic and deeply personal, with the author sharing her personal struggles with same-sex attraction. Each chapter is small and manageable but goes in depth on each view and opposing arguments. Finally, it offers the solace of redemption through Christ for those struggling with a multitude of sexual sins. This is definitely a book I’ll pick up again, and would recommend this to the following groups: those who experience same-sex attraction and are interested in or opposed to Christianity, Christians struggling with singleness or sexual temptations of any kind, and Christians who want to learn how to better love brothers and sisters struggling in this area of life.

“What I’ve learned over the years is that my best defense against temptation is to cry out to the Lord for help, repent of any sinful thoughts, press unto multiple deep friendships with sisters who know my struggles and temptations and can help me stand firm, and press on with the work that God has put in front of me.”

[Jake Preston · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful, concise summary of the traditional Christian view of sexuality. Because of its length and accessible style, this is a book that would be great for a skeptic or new believer. I appreciated that McLaughlin wasn’t apologetic about the Bible’s sex ethic, but instead she unveiled its compelling beauty and coherence. Single or married, same-sex attracted or opposite-sex attracted, every Christian is part of the only marriage that will truly matter in the end: the church’s union with Jesus, the fruit of that union being the new creation.

[Meg · Rating 2 out of 5]

maybe this would have been more enlightening if i based my belief system and moral code on what the bible says. instead it just left me more confused on how there can be so many contradicting interpretations of a single book 😭

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Intelligent. Passionate. Clear. A truly helpful book on a culturally relevant topic. Thank you, Rebecca for writing this little book.

[Tim Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Does the Bible Affirm Same-Sex Relationships? by Rebecca McLaughlin is a short, compelling, and concise argument for the biblical sexual ethic. Rebecca’s tone throughout is warm, inviting, and irenic, making this a joy to read and an easy recommendation for anyone questioning where the Bible lands on same-sex relationships. Take up and read. McLaughlin also weaves personal stories throughout the chapters, grounding the book in real-life experience.

Early in the book, McLaughlin writes:

“As Christians, we must take with deathly seriousness the Bible's warning about sexual relationships outside of male-female marriage. These warnings are so serious that the question of whether the Bible allows for same-sex sexual relationships cannot be set aside as a secondary issue on which Christians can just agree to disagree” (p. 16).

She also reminds us that Christian marriage is not a mere cultural construct but a gospel proclamation:

“Christian marriage is designed to help us to wrap our minds round Jesus' exclusive, sacrificial, never-ending, flesh-uniting, life-creating love for us. Marriage, rightly understood, is not a distraction from the gospel—it's a declaration of it” (p. 22).

Addressing the accusation that Jesus never mentioned same-sex relationships, McLaughlin insightfully notes:

“While Paul addresses idol worship multiple times, Jesus never mentions it. This is not because Jesus thinks idolatry is no big deal. It's forbidden in the Ten Commandments, a central passage of the Jewish law. But precisely because of this, the Jews who made up Jesus' audience already knew that idol worship was wrong, so it didn't need to be explicitly addressed” (p. 28).

Responding to the charge that Christians are simply “picking and choosing,” she explains that Old Testament laws fall into three categories: those no longer binding since Jesus came (like the food laws), those not repeated in the New Testament, and those explicitly reasserted there (pp. 42–43). As she says:

“Saying no to same-sex sex and yes to shellfish isn't picking and choosing... it's following the New Testament directives” (ibid).

On singleness, McLaughlin challenges cultural assumptions by writing:

“There was a strong expectation that Jewish men would marry and raise children. But Jesus radically teaches that there is a unique, missional value to singleness” (p. 89).

She adds that Paul argues in 1 Corinthians 7 that:

“The point of singleness for Christians is not personal freedom to enjoy life without responsibility but wholehearted devotion to Jesus” (p. 90).

In all, this little book is a clear, gracious, and biblically faithful treatment of a critical issue. McLaughlin doesn’t merely defend doctrine—she points us to the beauty of the gospel.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is concise and well-written, and it engages with the heavy topic in a sensitive and respectful way. Rebecca McLaughlin includes stories from her own life and from some of her friends to help contextualize these issues in a personal context, and even though this book includes lots of scholarly content related to interpretations of Scripture, the writing style is highly readable and truly accessible.

McLaughlin engages with ten common arguments in favor of the Bible affirming same-sex relationships, and she acknowledges their stronger points while also showing why they don’t hold up to an accurate understanding of what the Bible teaches. She explores the misunderstandings or distortions behind these arguments, and she presents clear historical and linguistic support for a traditional reading of Scripture. She also engages with some practical issues, such as the importance of the church being a vibrant community of friendship and platonic love for all believers.

Because this book is so brief, McLaughlin cannot engage with every counterargument that someone would make, but she gives these ideas a fair hearing and argues against them in a thoughtful and balanced way. This book will appeal to people who share her stance and want to be able to better articulate it. This is also worthwhile reading for someone who disagrees with the author, because even if the book doesn’t change their mind, it can help them understand where other people are coming from.

I received a free copy from the publisher, and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.

[Brea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I used to attend the same church as the author so I wrote her a note after reading the book.

Hi Rebecca!

I just wanted to reach out and tell you that I have been following your writing for the last several years and this week I finished "Does The Bible Affirm Same Sex Relationships". I have read several books on this topic and I have to say that yours was the most helpful. You went through all the big questions and pushback I have heard and struggled with in trying to figure out what the Bible really says about the topic and you did it in a very accessible way full of grace, truth, and love.
Thank you for writing this book. June is always a difficult month for me as I see so many Christians divided over the Bible's teaching on same sex relationships and how to accept a sinner without affirming the sin. I am still navigating what a Christian is to do about Pride Month, but your wisdom gave me much direction in this area and I am very grateful for your research, courage and vulnerability. It also made me miss Hope Fellowship Church and the body of amazing believers who embrace truth and love so wholeheartedly.

I hope you and your family are well. Keep up the good work in using your gifts to lead others to Christ and His unfailing love.

[Taylor Rollo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very well written book on this topic. She maintains biblical truth and the need to repent of sin and follow after Christ. She does a good job countering false claims with solid biblical arguments, but she always does so with compassion and grace, always bringing it back to Jesus and everyone's need for Him. That likely comes from the fact that she struggles with same-sex attraction herself, which gives her compassion but also a weight to her argument that the Bible does not affirm same-sex romantic, sexual relationships.

Yet she does not just do that in this book either. She also gives a compelling and again biblical argument for friendship love and the place of the Church and the kind of love that Jesus calls us to as His people--a deep friendship love that our society cannot really understand. But it's a deep friendship love that the Church needs to engender if it is to support those who struggle in this way.

[Omar Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebecca's main purpose in writing this book is to work "through some of the most popular arguments in favor of affirming same-sex sexual relationships for Christians" (page 13).

As such, she believes the Bible comes to the "opposite conclusion", namely, that "the Bible does not affirm such relationships" (page 13). To which I agree!

Rebecca's book is very anecdotal, pastoral and engaging. It isn't a dogmatic treatise about why same-sex sexual relationships are wrong. In fact it's quite the opposite (page 14).

Each chapter begins (from what I recall) with a story. Whether from Harry Potter, or from a real life story of someone who has experienced (or experiences) the corresponding theme of that chapter. Such a method demonstrates that homosexuality is not just a doctrinal matter (as is often portrayed), but a real struggle that individuals experience. We are dealing with real people here, souls for whom Christ has died to set free!

By using anecdotes, Rebecca (who herself struggles with same-sex attraction) serves to 'remove the blinders' as it were, opening our minds to different views and experiences beyond the confines of our churches or homes with their (at times) narrow, cut-and-dry, black-and-white view of the world.

Throughout her book, she is careful to use phrases such as "same-sex sexual relationships" and "same-sex sex", as opposed to the liberal or flippant use of "homosexual" or "homosexuality." I feel her reason is given implicitly in chapters 7 and 10. Further, in chapter 10, I believe her use of "same-sex sexual relationships" rather than "same-sex relationships" is explained fully here as Christians are called to love one another, both male and female, in a platonic and "phileo" sense. Had she condemned "same-sex relationships" it would be hard to make the case as presented in chapter 10.

I believe her overall arguments to be very robust and convincing with the possible exception of chapter 4 (the claim that those who condemn same-sex relationships pick and choose which OT laws they follow). Since laws against same-sex sex are found in Leviticus (alongside the food laws: clean and unclean foods) it seems rather inconsistent (to say the least) to accept some and reject the others. Why not lump them all into one category? Some scholars such as Wesley Hill and Roy E. Gane would argue that these laws against same-sex sexual relationships are a part of the Holiness Code.

Whilst I agree with the main framework of Rebecca's case in Chapter 4, I do think that the nullification of the distinction between clean and unclean animals doesn't really help her case, as such distinctions existed long before the Levitical system, going as far back as Genesis 8 and Noah, and arguably chapter 3 (even the ideal for marriage goes back to Eden, which predates the Levitical system, a case that even Rebecca makes). Simply put, both God's ideal for marriage and the distinction in food laws are universal, and thus eternal in nature. They both predate the Levitical system.

I assume that such an argument had to be made on the basis of her position, which is understandable. But coming from a different angle, I may have handled it differently. But from her perspective, it would seem to me that she has made a robust case, namely, that certain laws can be placed into three main categories (pages 42-43).

In this regard, I believe Robert Gagnon’s work relative to this point should be noted:

The saying in Mark 7:15-19 about what defiles a person is often cited as proof that Jesus abolished the food laws. It is more likely that Jesus intended a hyperbolic contrast: what counts most is not what goes into a person but what comes out… If Jesus did not abrogate even such. Things as food laws and meticulous tithing, then it is impossible that he would have overturned a proscription of sexual immorality as serious as that of male-male intercourse. (Via and Gagnon, Homosexuality and the Bible: Two Views, p. 69).



The main thrust of Rebecca's arguments have been twofold in nature (in my view):

1) She has shown the logic of some arguments to be flawed (the main way she has argued, gracefully, of course!)

2) She has show that what some individuals with same-sex tendencies go through isn't necessarily unique to them, but may also be experienced by some people with opposite-sex tendencies (chapter 9). This doesn't however diminish how real their plight is to them.

Finally, in my view, I believe that the issue over same-sex sexual relationships is more of a recent trend or issue (especially in its present form), that has sought to reinterpret already clear Bible texts on the matter. As Thomas Schmidt avered:

"But the fact is, the voice of experience on this issue is a very recent voice, and the obvious suspicion is that it expresses Christian conformity to the surrounding culture rather than decisive leadership in the culture... Unfortunately, it is true that the cutting edge of morality is often in actuality the edge of a cliff." Ministry Magazine, November 1996, p.13.

Further, I would argue that the the main theme characteristic of advocates of homosexuality is to literalise the interpretation of a biblical text against homosexuality, so that it only applies to the period in which it was written. It's as Clinton Wahlen stated, a "hermeneutic of suspicion" relative to Scripture, in which one "read[s] the text in order to discover a meaning that differs from the seemingly obvious one." As such, "Reader–determined interpretations of the Bible have had at least as devastating an impact on the study of scripture as the historical-critical method, if not more so" (Biblical Hermeneutics: An Adventist Approach, pp. 148-149).

I would highly recommend reading Rebecca's incredibly accessible introduction relative to same-sex sexual relationships and how to respond.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was our staff book for the semester! Such a great little book, and clearly points out a lot around some sex attraction, transgender issues, and God’s love as a whole!

“So does the Bible affirm same-sex relationships? 1000 times yes! Over the followers of Jesus, love between believers are the same sex takes a different form from sexual romantic love. Like married, love, it closed from Jesus, self sacrifice, and love for us. But unlike Mary loved it find its right expression, not in one bond, but in a range of love relationship relationships with brothers and sisters in the Lord.”

“When you’ve actually heard the gospel, when you’ve actually seen the beauty of Christ, you sell everything in your joy. When we find him, we find our life. And as we give ourselves to Jesus, we will find that we have gained each other too.”

Baller quotes. Baller book. Highly recommend.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well-researched and digestible book demonstrating the good news behind the clear Biblical view of same-sex relationships. It's tempting for us to dismiss hard teaching as wrong, whether we use the words prejudiced or mean-spirited or even homophobic, but the author does a great job at never moving towards being judgmental or patronizing. McLaughlin is straightforward and unambiguous in how she lays out her explanations, and is open enough about her own experience with same-sex attraction for the reader to see the heart behind her arguments. It's short, but very powerful!

[Buddy Draper · Rating 5 out of 5]

McLaughlin did a very good job walking through ten arguments from those who wish to receive affirmation in their pursuit of same-sex relationships. She includes examples of people, including herself, who experience same-sex attractions and how people put those feelings into the context of a wholehearted devotion to loving and obeying God. Her starting point is that those who put their faith in God must make Him the center of their lives and conform every choice and desire to Him. Her view of relationships is very high and doesn’t focus entirely on romance and sex like our culture does.