Hee Haw

by Peter Caffrey

When Colin, a middle-aged fantasist and loner who lives with his parents, snatches a girl he finds in the woods, things quickly start to unravel. While his intention is to act out his most depraved fantasies, something about the girl unnerves him. Who is the mysterious Alice, and why does she make him feel so uneasy?

As he learns more about her, he finds himself thrust ever deeper into a world of darkness and duplicity. What is real, and why is he, the abuser, feeling so vulnerable?

Hee Haw is a dark, pyschological horror, in which nothing is quite what it seems.

“Blending physical and emotional exploitations with a knockout ending is why this book will remain with you for a long, long time.”
Horror Bookworm Reviews

Genres: Horror

131 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 22, 2023

About the author

Peter Caffrey creates stories stained with the darkest of dark humour, featuring elements of splattery filth, horror, bizarro and absurdity.

Alongside numerous books, his work has also appeared in a number of anthologies including ABC’s of Terror (Vol 4), Call Me Hoop, Unamerican Trash, In Uterus, Prose in Poor Taste (Vol 2), The Best of Bizarro Fiction (Vol 2) and The Bumper Book of British Bizarro. He has also featured in many publications including Underbelly, Horror Sleaze Trash, Infernal Ink, Terror House, Frontier Tales and Schlock!

He likes apes, dislikes gravity, and is unlikely to change.

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Wow, this was a truly disturbing, nasty, bloody, and incredibly deep psychological thriller. Colin/Hee Haw is one of the ugliest characters that I've witnessed in all my horror experiences. However, you can't stop reading about him. There's so much to his story and the events of this book that it traps you and holds you there, much like what he did to his 'victim,' Alice. And, despite only being 105 pages, the balance of all the plot points, the flow, and the spotlight on each character was perfectly balanced. One of the best stories that I've read all year. My only critique was that I wanted a tad bit more from the ending. Not much, and I loved the brevity and open-ending nature of the conclusion, but a little something extra would have put this at a perfect 5-star rating. A great outing with Peter Caffrey.

[Lady MacDeath · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a delightfully, creepy little tale, which had me on the edge of my seat, throughout the whole time I was reading it.

Colin a.k.a ‘Hee Haw’ is a 39 year old, unemployed man, who lives in his parents outhouse. One day while watching some children, playing in the woods near church, he finds nine year old Alice, all alone. He takes her back to the outhouse, and keeps her imprisoned in a wooden crate, suspended in the air, with the intention of raping and murdering her. But Alice is not the timid little girl, whom ‘Hee Haw’ initially thought.

Once again, this is another great read, from the twisted mind of Peter Caffrey. There are many triggers, such as child abduction, violence, profanity, blood, gore, and murder, and I loved it.

Highly recommended!!

5 🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓

Release Date: 19th October 2023 via godless.com

[MadameD · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!

Hee Haw by Peter Caffrey, is an extremely well-written and disconcerting, extreme horror and psychological story.
I highly recommend it!

[Sophie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy God damn what an into to Peter caffreys work!! I loved this book it started off as the typical predator gets prey and has plans.... but then, somewhere along the way, the lines get blurred, and I wasn't sure who the prey was. This one kept me guessing just what the hell was going on but I didn't mind as it was an entertaining mind fuck. Really good book, nice quick read with a fantastic plot.

[The_5ft_reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went into this one not knowing anything and I thought from the beginning it was going to only one way I was not expecting the head fuck of a twist this book took and kept going right to the messed up end! So much fun, really enjoyed, definitely recommend 👌

[Corrina Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not since Dog Food by Mr. C, has my head been so mashed reading a book, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Brilliantly bonkers and disturbing, I loved it!!


Self named Hee Haw, likes to watch innocent children at play in the woods, he likes it a lot!! And when an unexpected opportunity for a bit of company arises, he takes it, and boxes it up all for himself.


He hates his Dad, he knows he's a disappointment to him and he vows to do something big to get him noticed, to prove he's more than just a layabout still gripping tight to his mothers apron strings. He'll do something to get his name out there, so the whole world will know Hee Haw!!


The girl in the box, his new plaything, or so he thought, isn't as compliant as he'd like her to be, and that makes him nervous. She's actually strangely helpful, which makes him uncomfortable, confused and scared. Has he lost control to a child? And why is no one out looking for her?? It seems his disturbing fantasy may have been doomed from the start. When his parents become involved, the tables are weirdly turned and it's Hee Haw who's now feeling the fear and trepidation, he hates the world and everyone in it, he wanted to leave his mark in retaliation, but someone has other plans.


Alice is one creepy ass bitch, and as the mystery and weirdness slowly and bizarrely unravel, everything becomes disturbingly clear….kinda!


A cracking ending after a twisty, twisted headfuck of a ride!! Such a cute, unputdownable mindfuck, that's as awesome as always!! 💜

[Kate Victoria RescueandReading · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was hoping for a more developed story from Caffrey. The story I read was abrupt, very short, and seemed more like a prologue than the main event.

It’s definitely gruesome and morally depraved, but I felt Hee Haw needs more depth to the plot and characters.

[Lindsay Crook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peter took us on a dark and depraved journey of one man's madness. Once I started reading I couldn't put it down. This is definitely one of those books that leaves you thinking. Hee Haw is darker than Caffreys usual knob jokes and gross out stories and I absolutely love it.

[Tony splatterpunk · Rating 5 out of 5]

It should have been a simple abduction of a nine-year-old girl by Colin. He renames himself as hee haw to torture and rape her, but he soon realizes Alice isn’t what she seems and things turn out differently to what Colin had planned.
A fantastic creepy story 🔪

[Danielle Yvonne · Rating 5 out of 5]

"For Hee Haw, things were different. The world was a psychedelic cosmos, a vibrant place in a constant state of flux. In such a space, he was free to expand, and his destiny was one of notoriety, of infamy. His name would be mentioned in hushed tones by those who understood the true depths of his dreadful capabilities."


I keep saying it, but I have become a huge fan of Caffrey this year. Everything I have read by him has been an easy five stars. HEE HAW is no exception. It might be my favorite by him, so far. I absolutely loved this book. It was one hell of a ride. Mind binding in ways I didn’t see coming. When I first started reading it, I said to myself, “Oh, okay, we’re gonna do this.” Then about 5-10 pages later, I found myself saying, “OHHHH, WE’RE GONNA DO THIS!!”


Caffrey created not one, but two iconic characters in this story. The MMC and the FMC will live rent-free in my head for a very long time. Their development and how things start versus how they end is just mind-blowing. Kidnapping is terrible, but I will say, be careful with who you choose as a victim… or you may become the victim. This is truly what happens when you FAFO with the wrong damn person.


This story is brutal from start to finish. It’s bizarre. It's violent. It’s twisty. And I cannot recommend it enough. I know people see kidnapping and can get weary with triggers, etc., but this is one that I promise is worth it. The ending is top-tier, and again, the twist from the FMC is incredible. It isn’t often that I reach out to an author after reading a book, but I definitely reached out to Caffrey when I finished this one because I was so impressed and enjoyed it that much.

[DA · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went into this story blind and I'm glad I did. The story goes along on a path, then veers off in a different direction, and once you think you're finally on the right path well it changes again.
Really really fun story that kept me on my toes. I loved how Caffrey took you to the edge of extreme brutality and gore, but never crossed over the edge. Tantalizing visuals of violence without being overly descriptive.

[Ro · Rating 2 out of 5]

It had some minor interesting parts but overall it was very boring. This felt like one chapter of a book, not a whole story. So much is unexplained, or even suggested.

The name seems very random, like a way to get people’s attention in hopes they pick it up.

The dialogue is also very dull and the constant change in tone of voice for Alice was frustrating. Each sentence was followed by a different overly dramatic description of *how* she said it.

Not for me. I love Novellas, but they need to carry a story, develop it and see it out from start to finish.

[mamaket · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really good read, had a creepy vibe to it and some twists that I WAS NOT expecting. Looking forward to reading more by this author. This book held my attention from the start and I couldn't put it down.

[Paige Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was dark and twisted as hell. I really wasn't expecting the ending. Alice's character truly morphed into something far from what I could have ever imagined.

Hee Haw follows Colin, a middle aged man who lives with his parents. One day he decides to snatch a young girl he has been spying on from the woods and things start to turn for the worse and in a totally unexpected way, I might add.

[Horror Bookworm Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Horror Bookworm Recommendation
Hee Haw by Peter Caffrey
https://horrorbookwormreviews.com/

A little girl is lured to an isolated shack nestled in the woodlands. There, she is imprisoned in a small wooden crate by a young man who has proclaimed himself, Hee Haw. Alone, tied up and subjected to torture, the young girl not only survives but initiates her own unforgettable confrontation. The real questions are who is the actual victim and who is in control?

Hee Haw by Peter Caffrey is an experience into brutality, pain, suffering and manipulation. Inflamed with sickening torment and infected by nauseating uneasiness, Caffrey’s unrelenting storyline builds like a festering boil that’s ready to pop. Beginning with the nightmarish reality of a young child being abducted to the stomach churning plot, Hee Haw is officially a “can’t put down” piece of extreme fiction.

Besides the crazy titles and head turning covers, Peter Caffrey’s writing style is very addicting. His stories have some of the most insane characters you will ever be introduced to and the sequence of events he adds race along at an intense pace. Twists and turns are what build the suspense and tension in the most morbid of ways. If you haven’t given Caffrey a try now is the time to experience his unbridled sense of controlled chaos.

Final thoughts about Hee Haw by Peter Caffrey…blending physical and emotional exploitations with a knockout ending is why this book will remain with you for a long long time, kinda like an STD. A five star ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Horror Bookworm Recommendation.

[Maribel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Creepy short story about a kidnapping with a twist. Fun read.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

What just happened to my brain?? This was such a well written book. I thought I knew the twist but I knew nothing. I would definitely recommend it for those that can handle some graphic horror with a twist.

[Rob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Growing up in the American Midwest, backwoods serial killers have been a reality of my late-night news reports. Some people sit on the edge of their seats, internalizing every detail in order to mull over them over coffee with friends or co-workers. Others beam with inspiration as the idea for a new true crime podcast blossoms in their skulls. Some excuse themselves to the kitchen in avoidance, but their numbers seem to be getting fewer and further between.

Peter Caffrey would let them all down. There are some grisly machinations romping around in Colin's head, particularly in the direction of nine-year-old Alice. Murder's a thought. Perhaps some rape. But it never happens. Because Peter doesn't have the ability to write a love-letter to sociopaths? No. Because bizarro fiction is satire. It does not dress up banality as superiority but explains why it's not. It's brilliant. Peter Caffrey is brilliant. Too bad for Colin that he's not as clever. *shrugs*

99 pages in print, so you could save yourself the scratch and buy the Kindle version from Amazon or go ahead and have them print you a copy for a little more, thus helping the author. Either way, unless you're an irredeemable sociopath who is getting aroused thinking about Hee Haw giving it to a child, you're going to get your money's worth. :)

[Kaylyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hee Haw was an absolute trip! Honestly, at no point did I know what was happening, and that’s exactly what made it so fun. This quick, gory fest will have you saying "wtf" aloud more times than you can count. It’s wild, unpredictable, and totally unhinged in the best way possible.

I'm so glad I picked this one up—if you're in the mood for something bizarre, fast-paced, and full of jaw-dropping moments, Hee Haw is the perfect pick.

[Amanda Elizabeth Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This was bloody and so much fun. Definitely psychological horror to the extreme.

[Nat Whiston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peter created a dark and captivating read, all the twisted and messed up moments. We meet Colin, and no, I won't call him by his self-proclaimed name. As that would insinuate, I have any respect for this tantrum throwing man-child. He kidnaps a little girl who is out playing with her friends for her first church communal and gets more than he bargained for.
This little girl does not react in this situation the way most would hold hostage. But Alice is not like any normal. Throughout the chapters, the reader feels uneasy, let alone Colin. No matter what he does to her, she always seems to come up with far more intense ways of torture. I mean, for starters, why is a 9 year old encouraging him to do pretty screwed up shit. Then there's the question of her mentality during this whole ordeal, going from meek innocent child to downright scary when she antagonises him. The detail that Caffrey goes into makes the story more harrowing, disgusting, and stomach turning at points.
Then there's the twist in the middle that I was like, SAY WHAT?! I did not see that coming at all, so by Chapter 9, I was dying to find out where this was going.
Then things really go bat shit bonkers. My brain is still processing the madness and insanity of how this story ended. I don't think a story has ever messed with my mind in such a fashion.

[Leah Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!!! That’s all I could say for a little bit after finishing this amazing book! If I could do a digital standing ovation, I would! It completely blew my mind! Colin aka Hee Haw is legit just a lost cause. He never made it anywhere in life and blames his parents, his dad mostly. So, at the ripe age of 40, there he sets still mooching off of his parents. He despises his father in more ways than one and he wants the world to see how “badass” he can be. So, on his daily walks through the woods, one day he runs up on a little, innocent girl. In Hee Haw’s mind .. it was his time to shine. What Hee Haw really got was a rude awakening! How could this little peasant of a girl cause him so many problems? Alice doesn’t play very nice and Hee Haw might have already met his match in hell! I’m telling you, this book has more twists and turns that you’re going to be amazed. You’re not even going to realize who the “bad guy” is here until the ending. Very brilliantly written and one of the biggest mind f#@ks that I’ve read in a very long time! Hats off to you, sir, because this is a masterpiece!! To my readers .. go get this NOW! It’s now available on the Zon and Godless! You will not be disappointed! Happy reading yall!

[Gerhard Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Child of Monotony was Dead; now only Hee Haw remained."

Hee Haw is the noise of death and destruction, of war against the the overwhelming tide of mundandity. It's the battle cry of the infamous and extraordinary when they rally against the onslaught of infamy. It is the echoing screams of the unborn and the disenfranchised souls which resonate in the fires of hell when those who have been downtrodden and dismissed overthrow the dullards and the nobodies. It is the death knell of the mediocre. Or at least, that is Hee Haw's opinion.

It may even be that Hee Haw is something much worse. Or, perhaps he is less than he imagines himself to be, but more of a monster than he realizes; psychotic, completely unstable, perhaps a psychopath. He could be all that and more (or less), and with Peter Caffrey at the wheel, you just don't know where things are going at any given moment, and that is one of the things that makes his stories such a treat.

[Slater Henatay · Rating 1 out of 5]

I dunno man it’s not for me. I liked the general idea of the story but too much of it felt too indulgent. There’s a significant difference between this and, say Stephen King’s IT the same way there’s a world of difference between Cannibal Corpse and Archspire. Primarily, the dudes in Cannibal Corpse feel like psychopaths who never got their chance, the dudes from Archspire are just trying to make fascinatingly good, technical tunes with spookiness to aid it.
Horror is a tool of horror projects and when the tool becomes more important than the project, you’re just reading creep-fan-fiction. Back in my day these folks used to just watch beheading videos online, I guess their parents told them they should get creative or something. It’s just not for me, man.

[The Yeti Reads and Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Colin is middle aged and lives in a shack in his parents garden. Colin is a bit of a prick, and that's putting it nicely. He tends to live in his own little world. On one particular day, he decides he is going to kidnap a little girl that he sees in the woods. What happens next is not easily explainable. Colin's world slowly starts to unravel.

Whoa. This was a hell of a story. It was absolute insanity, and I loved every minute of it. All I can really say is that you are in for a treat with this one. It was an excellent read. It is an absolute must-read. If it's on your TBR list, bump that puppy up. You will not be disappointed.

5 severed fingers out of 5

[Sharron Joy Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Colin is 39yrs old with a sad life when he kidnaps 9yr old Alice and locks her in a crate intent on fulfilling his sick fantasies but, Alice is not what she seems!

This an extreme horror so be warned. It is such a twisted tale of psychological terror, a really perverted narrative with gore galore! Colin is a pathetic excuse for a man still living with his parents and believes himself to be intellectually superior. When he takes Alice with the intention to live out his sick fantasies she proves to be more than he is equipped to handle. A deliciously deviant story.

[Chris Carelse · Rating 5 out of 5]

No donkeys were harmed, but someone ended up making a bit of an ass of themselves…

Well, boys and girls, what can I say about Hee Haw?
Capt. Cock ‘n Balls went full all-dark-and-no-stars on this one.

The sign of a brilliant writer is the ability to write about literally anything, and deliver it flawlessly.
If there’s one take away from this book, it’s that people should be reading more Caffrey.

“It’ll never be over… until it ends”.

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hee Haw (Colin)! Is a tragic and depraved figure. The furthest in life that he has achieved is moving from his parental home, into a shack at the end of their garden. He needs recognition, acknowledgement and preferably notoriety. He needs an easy victim; but who has the upper hand?

This is a phenomenal read; a whole new take on a kidnap story. I roared out loud and cackled with contentment so many times. Bittersweet has that effect on me!

[Bryan Moyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great blend of a descent into madness mixed in with is this really happening. Caffrey has woven a twisted little tale that leaves you questioning your own perception of what is happening to the main character. Is it all in his head? Is it really happening to him? Could it be something else entirely? There are twisted scenes, some gore, and great story. It was a quick read that ended too quickly for me. I wanted more.

[John The Crippledgimp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man what can I say except that Peter Caffrey fuckin rules. This was really different than what I was expecting. This is one is a dark, twisted, and grim intense psychological thriller that I really enjoyed. I highly recommend this and everything by Peter Caffrey cuz he never ever disappoints. Awesome story.