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Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict
The author of the world’s best-selling book on negotiation draws on his nearly fifty years of experience and knowledge grappling with the world’s toughest conflicts to offer a way out of the seemingly impossible problems of our time. Conflict is increasing everywhere, threatening everything we hold dear—from our families to our democracy, from our workplaces to our world. In nearly every area of society, we are fighting more and collaborating less, especially over crucial problems that demand solutions. With this groundbreaking book, bestselling author and international negotiator William Ury shares a new “path to possible”—time-tested practices that will help readers unlock their power to constructively engage and transform conflict. Part memoir, part manual, part manifesto, Possible offers stories and sage advice from Ury’s nearly 50 years of experience on the front lines of some of the world’s toughest conflicts. One of the world’s top experts in the field, Ury has worked on conflicts ranging from boardroom battles to labor strikes, from the US partisan divide to family feuds, from wars in the Middle East, Colombia and Ukraine to helping the US and USSR avoid nuclear disaster. Now, in Possible , he helps us tackle the seemingly intransigent problems facing us. In Possible , Ury argues conflict is natural. In fact, we need more conflict, not less—if we are to grow, change, evolve and solve our problems creatively. While we may not be able to end conflict, we can transform it—unleashing new, unexpected possibilities. Successfully tested at Harvard University with almost a thousand participants from business, government, academia, and the nonprofit sector, Ury’s “Path to Possible” proved so valuable that Harvard’s Program on Negotiation selected it as its inaugural online daylong in April 2022. Possible introduces Ury’s methods and makes them available for everyone. Combining accessible frameworks and powerful storytelling and offering dozens of examples, it is an essential guide for anyone looking to break through the toughest conflicts—in their workplace, family, community or the world.
352 pages, Paperback
Published February 20, 2024
165 people are currently reading
2979 people want to read
About the author
William Ury
58 books292 followersWilliam Ury is an American author, academic, anthropologist, and negotiation expert. He co-founded the Harvard Program on Negotiation. Additionally, he helped found the International Negotiation Network with former President Jimmy Carter. Ury is the co-author of Getting to Yes with Roger Fisher, which set out the method of principled negotiation and established the idea of the best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA) within negotiation theory.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
March 8, 2024
Absolute banger of a book, the Gabi parts made me cry on the plane. Me 🤝 Biden 🤝 learning from the Ury clan
August 11, 2024
One of the best books that I have read this year and would belong in my top 50 book list if I had such a list. We live in an era of conflict, and this author shows practical steps on how to be a successful mediator.
May 21, 2024
William Ury's book, "Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict," starts with a life-changing phone call Ury received on a freezing night in January 1977. In his small rented room, he could never have anticipated how a conversation with Professor Roger Fisher would redefine his path. That call was an invitation into the world of conflict resolution, a field where Ury’s insights would soon shine a new light on the art of turning disputes into opportunities for peace and cooperation. Conflict resolution is grounded in the simple yet transformative realization that the way people communicate during disputes can either deepen the divide or bridge it. Moving away from hashing out past grievances to focus on present and future solutions opens up a path to mutual understanding and agreement. This approach doesn’t apply just to global negotiations, but to everyday disagreements as well, offering a blueprint for harmony that respects differing perspectives.
Ury posits that conflict isn’t an anomaly in human society; it’s a natural occurrence stemming from diverse viewpoints and interests. But rather than seeing it as a barrier, imagine viewing conflict as a catalyst for growth, learning, and innovation. This shift in perspective reveals conflict as an opportunity to strengthen bonds, foster creativity, and drive social progress. Enter the concept of possibilism – the belief in the power of human agency to transform conflict from a destructive force into a constructive one. This philosophy underscores Ury’s approach to conflict resolution, emphasizing curiosity, creativity, and collaboration as key ingredients in the alchemy of transforming conflicts. In this book, you’ll discover insights into how to approach conflict in your life and the wider world through a new lens. Whether it’s in personal relationships, within communities, or on the global stage, the lessons shared will offer you a promising path to a future where conflicts serve as stepping stones to a more cooperative and peaceful existence.
In 1906, when Eddie, Ury’s grandfather, was 13 years old, he embarked on a daunting journey from Warsaw – part of the Russian empire at that time – to America. His story encapsulates what Ury terms possibilism. Fleeing from the oppressive grip of the Russian Empire, Eddie’s odyssey wasn’t just a quest for safety but a foundational story of seeing beyond immediate obstacles to the boundless opportunities that lay ahead. His trajectory from a window washer to an innovator for steel giants provides a profound lesson: where others see barriers, possibilists see pathways to potential. This mindset – spotting and seizing opportunities amid significant challenges – is the crux of possibilism.
Eddie’s story is a blueprint for tackling today’s conflicts with a mindset anchored in possibility. Adopting a possibilist approach can transform your interactions and outcomes, whether you’re navigating personal disputes or engaging in broader social or political discussions. Every challenge conceals an opportunity. When challenged by a friend to condense his extensive conflict resolution experience into a single sentence, Ury looked to Eddie’s legacy of overcoming obstacles through innovation and possibility. After some considerable thought, Ury eventually came up with this: “The path to possible is to go to the balcony, build a golden bridge, and engage the third side – all together, all at once.”
The sentence not only links back to Eddie’s life lessons but also lays out a structured approach to conflict resolution. It visualizes a journey consisting of what Ury calls the “three victories” – gaining perspective and self-control (the balcony), creating solutions that address mutual needs (the golden bridge), and mobilizing community support to act on new possibilities (the third side). These principles form a comprehensive strategy for conflict transformation, stressing the importance of personal introspection, bridging divides, and community involvement. The three victories are interconnected strategies that, when applied together, can dramatically shift the course of any conflict. They’re a way of being in the world, a way of engaging with others, that can transform the seemingly impossible into the achievable. In the next three sections, you’ll learn more about each of the three victories and how to approach conflicts as chances to practice possibilism, whether that’s in personal, professional, or even global arenas.
The concept of going to the balcony offers a transformative approach to conflict, urging individuals to step back to gain clarity and control. It’s structured around three key actions: pause, zoom in, and zoom out, each contributing uniquely to conflict resolution. Pausing is the initial step, in which taking a moment of stillness allows for emotional and mental distancing from the heat of conflict. It means creating a gap between stimulus and response, allowing for a moment of reflection that can transform a potentially destructive path into a constructive outcome. Consider the story of Vasili Arkhipov, a senior naval officer during the Cuban Missile Crisis, who chose to pause and evaluate the situation rather than react impulsively to the depth charges exploding around his submarine. Despite the intense pressure to launch a nuclear torpedo, which would have likely ignited a nuclear war, Arkhipov remained calm and considered the wider implications of such an action. His decision to pause, not to react with fear or anger, illustrates the impact a moment of intentional stillness can have, not just on the immediate participants but potentially on the world at large.
The practice of pausing not only allows for personal regulation but also opens up the space to consider the broader context and long-term impact of your actions. By adopting this simple yet transformative practice, you empower yourself to navigate conflicts with a clearer, more focused perspective, ultimately leading to more purposeful and beneficial outcomes. Zooming in follows pausing and involves a deep dive into personal goals and needs, peeling back the layers of immediate wants to uncover what’s genuinely at stake. This introspective process asks, What do I really want? It moves beyond the superficial to access the core needs driving your stance in the conflict. The story of parents deciding on a surgeon for their child’s critical surgery perfectly illustrates zooming in. Initially repelled by the insensitive remarks made by their daughter’s doctor, reflection led them to prioritize their child’s well-being over their first impressions. This shift from a reactive position to focusing on core needs – ensuring their daughter’s well-being – allowed them to see past their initial impressions and form a decade-long relationship with the surgeon.
Zooming out in conflict resolution involves expanding your perspective to understand the broader context. This broader view can reveal the interplay of various stakeholders, hidden dynamics, or long-term implications that aren’t apparent when your focus is too narrow. Zooming out also enables the identification of your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement, or BATNA, providing clarity on how to meet needs independent of the negotiation outcome. This encourages individuals to explore how they can fulfill their core desires and objectives, regardless of the negotiation’s immediate result. By assessing the broader landscape of possibilities, including worst-case scenarios, individuals can strategize more effectively, enhancing their negotiating position and facilitating a shift from a zero-sum perspective to one in which mutual gains are recognized and pursued. Together, these three steps forge a pathway through conflict that combines self-reflection with strategic insight, highlighting the importance of understanding both personal motivations and the broader conflict environment.
Building a golden bridge is a transformative process that turns conflict into collaboration through three pivotal actions: listening, creating, and attracting. This approach not only seeks to bridge gaps in understanding and interests but also aims to transform relationships and outcomes, turning challenging conflicts into opportunities for positive change and lasting peace and listening serves as the foundational step and demands a shift from merely hearing to a profound understanding of others' perspectives, needs, and emotions. This process of empathetic engagement is essential for gathering insights and nurturing mutual respect and trust. It involves empathy, the capacity to genuinely step into another’s shoes, and strategic empathy, particularly important in adversarial settings. It prompts you to listen even when it’s least appealing, opening up pathways to change minds and hearts by genuinely understanding where others are coming from. This kind of listening can fundamentally alter conflict dynamics, making it an indispensable skill for effective conflict navigation and resolution.
Beyond just understanding others, listening also requires self-awareness and introspection. Before effectively listening to others, you must listen to yourself, acknowledging your personal emotions, biases, and preconceptions. This internal listening clears the way for sincere engagement with others, promoting genuine dialogue and demonstrating a fundamental respect for their humanity. Listening, in this context, isn’t just a method for resolving conflicts, but also a demonstration of respect and an essential step toward building bridges.
The act of creating in conflict resolution encourages engagement not only with analytical precision but also with imaginative thinking, opening up new possibilities. This approach requires a willingness to brainstorm without judgment, allowing unconventional ideas to emerge. By creating a collaborative space for refining and evaluating ideas constructively, creativity becomes a key instrument in bridging divides, leading to solutions that respect the needs and values of all parties, and ultimately transforming the landscape of conflict into an arena of opportunity and reconciliation.
Attracting parties to a resolution means shifting from confrontation to collaboration by crafting an environment that fosters voluntary agreement. This strategy highlights the need for a process that is not only appealing and trustworthy but also emphasizes the importance of actively listening to all parties involved to foster mutual understanding and respect. By addressing the underlying interests behind stated positions, negotiators can explore creative solutions that simplify the path to agreement. Building trust is fundamental to attracting in conflict resolution, as trust can significantly transform contentious negotiations by paving the way for constructive dialogue and compromise. Developing trust involves identifying and taking small yet meaningful actions that signal goodwill and a commitment to understanding the other side’s perspective. These actions, or besitos – little kisses – serve as initial steps toward establishing rapport and a foundation of trust. By creating a “trust menu” of potential actions that both parties can take to demonstrate their openness to dialogue, negotiators can gradually strengthen the relationship. This approach underscores that trust isn’t merely a byproduct of successful negotiations, but also a crucial element that facilitates the journey toward a mutually satisfying agreement.
The concept of the “third side” introduces a collective approach to transforming conflict and centers around three key strategies: hosting, helping, and swarming.
Each of these plays a unique role in advancing understanding, encouraging dialogue, and leading all involved toward mutually beneficial resolutions. Highlighting the community’s integral part in resolving disputes, the third side framework suggests that when conflicts affect everyone, addressing them becomes a shared responsibility.
In February 2003, Caracas, Venezuela, a public dialogue was organized with the hope of fostering peace and understanding in a country torn apart by political conflict. The event attracted over a thousand people, far exceeding the anticipated few hundred. The gathering, initially planned as a modest meeting, transformed into a massive, charged assembly, challenging the organizers to create a space where every voice could be heard despite the polarized atmosphere. The unexpectedly high turnout highlighted a widespread yearning for inclusion and for a platform to bridge deeply entrenched divides. It exemplified the essence of the concept of “host” in action. The organizers, faced with the potential for violence due to the large, divided crowd, responded by fostering an inclusive environment that acknowledged the humanity and dignity of each participant.
Hosting is grounded in the belief that every dispute, no matter how polarized, exists within a broader social context that we all share. By embracing inclusion, we acknowledge interconnectedness and the shared human desire to belong and be understood. Hosting is a profound act of humanity, fostering environments where empathy and mutual respect can flourish, leading to more constructive and harmonious outcomes.
The concept of help means recognizing your innate ability to contribute to resolving conflicts. When encountering disputes, shifting your mindset from “I can't” to “I can" will enable you to see beyond the immediate contention, encouraging you to engage constructively. Practical steps you can take include listening deeply and asking questions that encourage self-reflection and clarity. The key is to approach each situation with a mindset of curiosity, empathy, and a genuine desire to understand, rather than to fix or advise.
In October 2017, amid rising tensions and the looming threat of nuclear war with North Korea, an unusual social experiment took place in Boulder, Colorado. The experiment sought to tackle this international conflict through a method known as “swarming.” Twelve volunteers, none of them experts on North Korea, were gathered in a rental house for two weeks. Their task was formidable: to creatively explore potential interventions that could prevent nuclear escalation. The team, diverse in backgrounds but united in purpose, embarked on a process of radical collaboration. They employed design thinking’s principle of rapid prototyping, approaching the problem from multiple angles to unlock new possibilities. The volunteers simulated this strategy, aiming to generate a critical mass of creative solutions for peace.
The essence of swarming, as illustrated by this example, involves surrounding a problem with a multitude of perspectives and ideas, leveraging the power of collaboration to explore new paths to resolution. Practically, you can engage in swarming by assembling a team with a variety of backgrounds to tackle a problem, encouraging radical collaboration, and persistently exploring every avenue until innovative solutions emerge. The goal is to create a surge of ideas and influence that can shift a challenging situation toward constructive outcomes. In essence, swarming harnesses the power of unity to transform conflicts, highlighting the principle that collective action and diversity of thought are instrumental to devising effective solutions.
Engaging constructively with conflict unlocks the potential for creative problem-solving and strengthening relationships. This transformative approach equips you with the tools to turn adversarial interactions into cooperative successes, paving the way for progress across every facet of life. At its heart, Ury presents the three victories: the balcony, the golden bridge, and the third side – each comprising essential elements for resolving disputes constructively.
Through the balcony, Ury teaches us to pause and gain perspective, encouraging a step back to assess and control our responses to conflict. This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs, and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasizing empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community’s role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation.
The final message is clear: by integrating the practices of the balcony, the golden bridge, and the third side, you can navigate conflicts not as obstacles, but as avenues for growth and collaboration. When you embrace these strategies, you’ll transform your approach to conflict into opportunities for positive change.
Ury posits that conflict isn’t an anomaly in human society; it’s a natural occurrence stemming from diverse viewpoints and interests. But rather than seeing it as a barrier, imagine viewing conflict as a catalyst for growth, learning, and innovation. This shift in perspective reveals conflict as an opportunity to strengthen bonds, foster creativity, and drive social progress. Enter the concept of possibilism – the belief in the power of human agency to transform conflict from a destructive force into a constructive one. This philosophy underscores Ury’s approach to conflict resolution, emphasizing curiosity, creativity, and collaboration as key ingredients in the alchemy of transforming conflicts. In this book, you’ll discover insights into how to approach conflict in your life and the wider world through a new lens. Whether it’s in personal relationships, within communities, or on the global stage, the lessons shared will offer you a promising path to a future where conflicts serve as stepping stones to a more cooperative and peaceful existence.
In 1906, when Eddie, Ury’s grandfather, was 13 years old, he embarked on a daunting journey from Warsaw – part of the Russian empire at that time – to America. His story encapsulates what Ury terms possibilism. Fleeing from the oppressive grip of the Russian Empire, Eddie’s odyssey wasn’t just a quest for safety but a foundational story of seeing beyond immediate obstacles to the boundless opportunities that lay ahead. His trajectory from a window washer to an innovator for steel giants provides a profound lesson: where others see barriers, possibilists see pathways to potential. This mindset – spotting and seizing opportunities amid significant challenges – is the crux of possibilism.
Eddie’s story is a blueprint for tackling today’s conflicts with a mindset anchored in possibility. Adopting a possibilist approach can transform your interactions and outcomes, whether you’re navigating personal disputes or engaging in broader social or political discussions. Every challenge conceals an opportunity. When challenged by a friend to condense his extensive conflict resolution experience into a single sentence, Ury looked to Eddie’s legacy of overcoming obstacles through innovation and possibility. After some considerable thought, Ury eventually came up with this: “The path to possible is to go to the balcony, build a golden bridge, and engage the third side – all together, all at once.”
The sentence not only links back to Eddie’s life lessons but also lays out a structured approach to conflict resolution. It visualizes a journey consisting of what Ury calls the “three victories” – gaining perspective and self-control (the balcony), creating solutions that address mutual needs (the golden bridge), and mobilizing community support to act on new possibilities (the third side). These principles form a comprehensive strategy for conflict transformation, stressing the importance of personal introspection, bridging divides, and community involvement. The three victories are interconnected strategies that, when applied together, can dramatically shift the course of any conflict. They’re a way of being in the world, a way of engaging with others, that can transform the seemingly impossible into the achievable. In the next three sections, you’ll learn more about each of the three victories and how to approach conflicts as chances to practice possibilism, whether that’s in personal, professional, or even global arenas.
The concept of going to the balcony offers a transformative approach to conflict, urging individuals to step back to gain clarity and control. It’s structured around three key actions: pause, zoom in, and zoom out, each contributing uniquely to conflict resolution. Pausing is the initial step, in which taking a moment of stillness allows for emotional and mental distancing from the heat of conflict. It means creating a gap between stimulus and response, allowing for a moment of reflection that can transform a potentially destructive path into a constructive outcome. Consider the story of Vasili Arkhipov, a senior naval officer during the Cuban Missile Crisis, who chose to pause and evaluate the situation rather than react impulsively to the depth charges exploding around his submarine. Despite the intense pressure to launch a nuclear torpedo, which would have likely ignited a nuclear war, Arkhipov remained calm and considered the wider implications of such an action. His decision to pause, not to react with fear or anger, illustrates the impact a moment of intentional stillness can have, not just on the immediate participants but potentially on the world at large.
The practice of pausing not only allows for personal regulation but also opens up the space to consider the broader context and long-term impact of your actions. By adopting this simple yet transformative practice, you empower yourself to navigate conflicts with a clearer, more focused perspective, ultimately leading to more purposeful and beneficial outcomes. Zooming in follows pausing and involves a deep dive into personal goals and needs, peeling back the layers of immediate wants to uncover what’s genuinely at stake. This introspective process asks, What do I really want? It moves beyond the superficial to access the core needs driving your stance in the conflict. The story of parents deciding on a surgeon for their child’s critical surgery perfectly illustrates zooming in. Initially repelled by the insensitive remarks made by their daughter’s doctor, reflection led them to prioritize their child’s well-being over their first impressions. This shift from a reactive position to focusing on core needs – ensuring their daughter’s well-being – allowed them to see past their initial impressions and form a decade-long relationship with the surgeon.
Zooming out in conflict resolution involves expanding your perspective to understand the broader context. This broader view can reveal the interplay of various stakeholders, hidden dynamics, or long-term implications that aren’t apparent when your focus is too narrow. Zooming out also enables the identification of your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement, or BATNA, providing clarity on how to meet needs independent of the negotiation outcome. This encourages individuals to explore how they can fulfill their core desires and objectives, regardless of the negotiation’s immediate result. By assessing the broader landscape of possibilities, including worst-case scenarios, individuals can strategize more effectively, enhancing their negotiating position and facilitating a shift from a zero-sum perspective to one in which mutual gains are recognized and pursued. Together, these three steps forge a pathway through conflict that combines self-reflection with strategic insight, highlighting the importance of understanding both personal motivations and the broader conflict environment.
Building a golden bridge is a transformative process that turns conflict into collaboration through three pivotal actions: listening, creating, and attracting. This approach not only seeks to bridge gaps in understanding and interests but also aims to transform relationships and outcomes, turning challenging conflicts into opportunities for positive change and lasting peace and listening serves as the foundational step and demands a shift from merely hearing to a profound understanding of others' perspectives, needs, and emotions. This process of empathetic engagement is essential for gathering insights and nurturing mutual respect and trust. It involves empathy, the capacity to genuinely step into another’s shoes, and strategic empathy, particularly important in adversarial settings. It prompts you to listen even when it’s least appealing, opening up pathways to change minds and hearts by genuinely understanding where others are coming from. This kind of listening can fundamentally alter conflict dynamics, making it an indispensable skill for effective conflict navigation and resolution.
Beyond just understanding others, listening also requires self-awareness and introspection. Before effectively listening to others, you must listen to yourself, acknowledging your personal emotions, biases, and preconceptions. This internal listening clears the way for sincere engagement with others, promoting genuine dialogue and demonstrating a fundamental respect for their humanity. Listening, in this context, isn’t just a method for resolving conflicts, but also a demonstration of respect and an essential step toward building bridges.
The act of creating in conflict resolution encourages engagement not only with analytical precision but also with imaginative thinking, opening up new possibilities. This approach requires a willingness to brainstorm without judgment, allowing unconventional ideas to emerge. By creating a collaborative space for refining and evaluating ideas constructively, creativity becomes a key instrument in bridging divides, leading to solutions that respect the needs and values of all parties, and ultimately transforming the landscape of conflict into an arena of opportunity and reconciliation.
Attracting parties to a resolution means shifting from confrontation to collaboration by crafting an environment that fosters voluntary agreement. This strategy highlights the need for a process that is not only appealing and trustworthy but also emphasizes the importance of actively listening to all parties involved to foster mutual understanding and respect. By addressing the underlying interests behind stated positions, negotiators can explore creative solutions that simplify the path to agreement. Building trust is fundamental to attracting in conflict resolution, as trust can significantly transform contentious negotiations by paving the way for constructive dialogue and compromise. Developing trust involves identifying and taking small yet meaningful actions that signal goodwill and a commitment to understanding the other side’s perspective. These actions, or besitos – little kisses – serve as initial steps toward establishing rapport and a foundation of trust. By creating a “trust menu” of potential actions that both parties can take to demonstrate their openness to dialogue, negotiators can gradually strengthen the relationship. This approach underscores that trust isn’t merely a byproduct of successful negotiations, but also a crucial element that facilitates the journey toward a mutually satisfying agreement.
The concept of the “third side” introduces a collective approach to transforming conflict and centers around three key strategies: hosting, helping, and swarming.
Each of these plays a unique role in advancing understanding, encouraging dialogue, and leading all involved toward mutually beneficial resolutions. Highlighting the community’s integral part in resolving disputes, the third side framework suggests that when conflicts affect everyone, addressing them becomes a shared responsibility.
In February 2003, Caracas, Venezuela, a public dialogue was organized with the hope of fostering peace and understanding in a country torn apart by political conflict. The event attracted over a thousand people, far exceeding the anticipated few hundred. The gathering, initially planned as a modest meeting, transformed into a massive, charged assembly, challenging the organizers to create a space where every voice could be heard despite the polarized atmosphere. The unexpectedly high turnout highlighted a widespread yearning for inclusion and for a platform to bridge deeply entrenched divides. It exemplified the essence of the concept of “host” in action. The organizers, faced with the potential for violence due to the large, divided crowd, responded by fostering an inclusive environment that acknowledged the humanity and dignity of each participant.
Hosting is grounded in the belief that every dispute, no matter how polarized, exists within a broader social context that we all share. By embracing inclusion, we acknowledge interconnectedness and the shared human desire to belong and be understood. Hosting is a profound act of humanity, fostering environments where empathy and mutual respect can flourish, leading to more constructive and harmonious outcomes.
The concept of help means recognizing your innate ability to contribute to resolving conflicts. When encountering disputes, shifting your mindset from “I can't” to “I can" will enable you to see beyond the immediate contention, encouraging you to engage constructively. Practical steps you can take include listening deeply and asking questions that encourage self-reflection and clarity. The key is to approach each situation with a mindset of curiosity, empathy, and a genuine desire to understand, rather than to fix or advise.
In October 2017, amid rising tensions and the looming threat of nuclear war with North Korea, an unusual social experiment took place in Boulder, Colorado. The experiment sought to tackle this international conflict through a method known as “swarming.” Twelve volunteers, none of them experts on North Korea, were gathered in a rental house for two weeks. Their task was formidable: to creatively explore potential interventions that could prevent nuclear escalation. The team, diverse in backgrounds but united in purpose, embarked on a process of radical collaboration. They employed design thinking’s principle of rapid prototyping, approaching the problem from multiple angles to unlock new possibilities. The volunteers simulated this strategy, aiming to generate a critical mass of creative solutions for peace.
The essence of swarming, as illustrated by this example, involves surrounding a problem with a multitude of perspectives and ideas, leveraging the power of collaboration to explore new paths to resolution. Practically, you can engage in swarming by assembling a team with a variety of backgrounds to tackle a problem, encouraging radical collaboration, and persistently exploring every avenue until innovative solutions emerge. The goal is to create a surge of ideas and influence that can shift a challenging situation toward constructive outcomes. In essence, swarming harnesses the power of unity to transform conflicts, highlighting the principle that collective action and diversity of thought are instrumental to devising effective solutions.
Engaging constructively with conflict unlocks the potential for creative problem-solving and strengthening relationships. This transformative approach equips you with the tools to turn adversarial interactions into cooperative successes, paving the way for progress across every facet of life. At its heart, Ury presents the three victories: the balcony, the golden bridge, and the third side – each comprising essential elements for resolving disputes constructively.
Through the balcony, Ury teaches us to pause and gain perspective, encouraging a step back to assess and control our responses to conflict. This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs, and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasizing empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community’s role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation.
The final message is clear: by integrating the practices of the balcony, the golden bridge, and the third side, you can navigate conflicts not as obstacles, but as avenues for growth and collaboration. When you embrace these strategies, you’ll transform your approach to conflict into opportunities for positive change.
September 1, 2025
In his own words: needed now, more than ever. Such a valuable collection of strategies and stories.
August 22, 2025
Excellent. I'm so impressed by Mr. Ury; his attitude, his work, and the peace that he has fostered around the globe. I'm honestly blown away by the stories that he told, and his wisdom and experience are greatly needed in our world. I'm planning to share this book with everyone I know, and I intend to remember and review what I learned because it's just so necessary.
April 22, 2024
Highly recommended required reading for everyone. Have conflict in your life? Of course you do, we all do. Ury offers thoughtful, accessible, and practical tools that can be applied to any conflict — in your home, in your professional life, and in our broader country and world. And he does it through incredible story telling of his long career working on some of the world’s biggest conflicts — in Venezuela, Colombia, North Korea, and the Middle East. He offers a message of hope of what is possible. Pick this up and pass it on, we need to swarm the world with this message.
August 11, 2024
The Power of the Third Side
This is perhaps the only book on negotiation that extensively covers the power of the third side. It is refreshing and should be read by all human beings for a better tomorrow.
This is perhaps the only book on negotiation that extensively covers the power of the third side. It is refreshing and should be read by all human beings for a better tomorrow.
May 21, 2024
In this Book to Possible by William Ury, you've seen that engaging constructively with conflict unlocks the potential for creative problem-solving and strengthening relationships. This transformative approach equips you with the tools to turn adversarial interactions into cooperative successes, paving the way for progress across every facet of life. At its heart, Ury presents the three victories, the balcony, the golden bridge, and the third side, each comprising essential elements for resolving disputes constructively. Through the balcony, Ury teaches us to pause and gain perspective, encouraging a step back to assess and control our responses to conflict.
This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasising empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community's role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation. The final message is clear.
This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasising empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community's role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation. The final message is clear.
This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasising empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community's role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation. The final message is clear.
This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasising empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community's role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation. The final message is clear.
August 24, 2024
A Pivotal Book on Negotiations
Having recently read Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations, The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes, Getting to Yes with Yourself: (and Other Worthy Opponents), I thoroughly enjoyed Ury's latest book Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict.
Early in the book, page 17 of the Kindle edition, Ury stated the following:
"I would like to invite you to take an imaginary walk with me. On this journey, I hope to pass on to you the distilled lessons I have discovered about the path to possible, as I have sought to open windows of possibility in some of the most intractable conflicts. While this book is intended to be practical, it is not a how-to book. It is less about method and more about mindset. The possibilist mindset is a curious, creative, and collaborative way of engaging with our differences in these divided times.
His description is correct. The book is not a step-by-step procedural manual on how to negotiate more effectively. Instead, it is a book that acts as a catalyst for further thought and reflection in negotiations. In other words, How can we think about the situation differently to arrive at a satisfactory outcome?
Given Ury’s breadth and depth of experience with negotiations, I found this book both entertaining and educational.
I highly recommend this book, especially for those involved in thorny negotiations where there are different actors at play and diverse levels within the negotiations.
Having recently read Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations, The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes, Getting to Yes with Yourself: (and Other Worthy Opponents), I thoroughly enjoyed Ury's latest book Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict.
Early in the book, page 17 of the Kindle edition, Ury stated the following:
"I would like to invite you to take an imaginary walk with me. On this journey, I hope to pass on to you the distilled lessons I have discovered about the path to possible, as I have sought to open windows of possibility in some of the most intractable conflicts. While this book is intended to be practical, it is not a how-to book. It is less about method and more about mindset. The possibilist mindset is a curious, creative, and collaborative way of engaging with our differences in these divided times.
His description is correct. The book is not a step-by-step procedural manual on how to negotiate more effectively. Instead, it is a book that acts as a catalyst for further thought and reflection in negotiations. In other words, How can we think about the situation differently to arrive at a satisfactory outcome?
Given Ury’s breadth and depth of experience with negotiations, I found this book both entertaining and educational.
I highly recommend this book, especially for those involved in thorny negotiations where there are different actors at play and diverse levels within the negotiations.
May 21, 2024
Summary:
Possible by William Ury discussed that engaging constructively with conflict unlocks the potential for creative problem-solving and strengthening relationships. This transformative approach equips you with the tools to turn adversarial interactions into cooperative successes, paving the way for progress across every facet of life. At its heart, Ury presents the three victories, the balcony, the golden bridge, and the third side, each comprising essential elements for resolving disputes constructively. Through the balcony, Ury teaches us to pause and gain perspective, encouraging a step back to assess and control our responses to conflict.
This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasising empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community's role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation.
Possible by William Ury discussed that engaging constructively with conflict unlocks the potential for creative problem-solving and strengthening relationships. This transformative approach equips you with the tools to turn adversarial interactions into cooperative successes, paving the way for progress across every facet of life. At its heart, Ury presents the three victories, the balcony, the golden bridge, and the third side, each comprising essential elements for resolving disputes constructively. Through the balcony, Ury teaches us to pause and gain perspective, encouraging a step back to assess and control our responses to conflict.
This reflective vantage point allows us to zoom in on our true needs and zoom out to see the broader context, offering a path to clarity and strategic action. The golden bridge is built by listening deeply, creating solutions that cater to mutual needs and attracting all parties toward collaboration. This approach transforms confrontation into cooperation, emphasising empathy and creativity in crafting paths to mutual understanding. And the third side shifts the perspective to a collective resolution, advocating the hosting of inclusive dialogues, helping through supportive actions, and swarming problems with a diversity of ideas and solutions. It underlines the community's role in turning conflicts into opportunities for unity and innovation.
March 25, 2025
I accidentally found this book on Audible. I was headed out for a long walk, needed something to fill my ears and my husband had purchased this book. After 90 minutes of listening, I was so engrossed in the book that I went back and bought the hard cover. I needed space to highlight, underline and make notes. I've done a few reviews as I was reading it, found here on my Substack. https://walkwrite.substack.com/p/trai...)
Possible by William Ury challenges us to engage in conflict with wisdom rather than reacting in anger or avoidance—a lesson I’ve been grappling with this week. His concept of going to the balcony has been especially helpful in my personal relationships. Taking an emotional step back, gaining perspective, and seeing all sides has been huge. Some emails made me want to fire back, others made me want to disappear—but stepping back helped me see what was really being said. Building a golden bridge asks us to create pathways for understanding, even when it feels impossible. And engaging the third side—seeking broader perspectives and support—reminds me that I don’t have to navigate these tensions alone. In a world that feels heavy with injustice and division, these tools help me stay engaged, choosing integrity over apathy, action over despair. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.
Possible by William Ury challenges us to engage in conflict with wisdom rather than reacting in anger or avoidance—a lesson I’ve been grappling with this week. His concept of going to the balcony has been especially helpful in my personal relationships. Taking an emotional step back, gaining perspective, and seeing all sides has been huge. Some emails made me want to fire back, others made me want to disappear—but stepping back helped me see what was really being said. Building a golden bridge asks us to create pathways for understanding, even when it feels impossible. And engaging the third side—seeking broader perspectives and support—reminds me that I don’t have to navigate these tensions alone. In a world that feels heavy with injustice and division, these tools help me stay engaged, choosing integrity over apathy, action over despair. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.
May 22, 2025
From the author of "Getting to Yes" (which I skimmed before asking my parents to take a gap year), comes Possible. At times, I felt that I was reading a resume or Ury's memoir. Either way, his prose is deeply compelling in helping me understand what it means to lead negotiations around the family table or in the boardroom. With practical advice, Ury implores readers to lead with listening and to compel themselves to understand their motivations behind wanting to win an argument, fight, or geopolitical conflict. There seems to be an air of concern that seems to continue to permeate most books following the 2016 election around the state of political polarization, which Ury believes his four steps will help us get closer to pre-2016 bipartisanship. I don't necessarily agree with that observation, as it reduces the issues at hand to just matters of difference of opinion and a proclivity towards conflict, rather than a departure from democratic and republican principles (in the philosophical sense, but also along ideological lines as well) and confounding failures of systems. I do think his study of places in Colombia and Palestine has helped me in conceptualizing how we might thrive through this era of political unrest and uncertainty through dialogue. Overall, solid read, though mostly memorable for the anecdotes and the sheer fact that he repeats the steps about 1400 times.
September 15, 2024
"Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict" by William Ury explores innovative strategies for resolving conflicts and achieving successful negotiations. Ury, a renowned expert in conflict resolution, draws on nearly fifty years of experience to present a comprehensive guide for transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth and cooperation¹.
The book emphasizes that conflict is a natural part of human interaction and can be a catalyst for positive change if approached constructively. Ury introduces the concept of "possibilism," which involves viewing conflicts as opportunities to strengthen relationships, foster creativity, and drive social progress. He provides actionable strategies to turn adversaries into allies and create lasting agreements in both professional and personal settings.
I’ll definitely read this book again.
The book emphasizes that conflict is a natural part of human interaction and can be a catalyst for positive change if approached constructively. Ury introduces the concept of "possibilism," which involves viewing conflicts as opportunities to strengthen relationships, foster creativity, and drive social progress. He provides actionable strategies to turn adversaries into allies and create lasting agreements in both professional and personal settings.
I’ll definitely read this book again.
November 2, 2024
Highly recommend this book to everyone. You know that sense of knowing something but it only comes to you after you've had it blatantly pointed out and demonstrated? This book is a lot like that for me.
What's so amazing is how the author (Ury) takes examples from his time mediating high-stakes (worldwide catastrophes in the balance) situations with unbelievable leadership egos and power struggles, and those as relatable to the average person such as disputes after the death of a family member, to demonstrate the effectiveness of the basic principles he has developed.
People who are used to objective training or outsider perspective taking, so much of this is going to resonate with you. For others who are high passion, in the moment types, this is an excellent book to learn how to take the necessary step back during conflict.
(Audiobook version is fantastic)
What's so amazing is how the author (Ury) takes examples from his time mediating high-stakes (worldwide catastrophes in the balance) situations with unbelievable leadership egos and power struggles, and those as relatable to the average person such as disputes after the death of a family member, to demonstrate the effectiveness of the basic principles he has developed.
People who are used to objective training or outsider perspective taking, so much of this is going to resonate with you. For others who are high passion, in the moment types, this is an excellent book to learn how to take the necessary step back during conflict.
(Audiobook version is fantastic)
February 14, 2025
"We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems - Margaret Mead
William Ury is a mediator for many decades. Being part of behind the scenes for very notable peace negotiations between nations, unions and companies. From the book, we get to know he is a "go to person" for many global leaders, notably President Carter and President Chavez.
Ury provides his framework on changing mindset, to find possibilities in life. Often one, like myself, can see only what's impossible. Though, what is possible? How can go from here to there?
Follow his recommendations, into building trust and collaboration, the foundations towards what can be.
William Ury is a mediator for many decades. Being part of behind the scenes for very notable peace negotiations between nations, unions and companies. From the book, we get to know he is a "go to person" for many global leaders, notably President Carter and President Chavez.
Ury provides his framework on changing mindset, to find possibilities in life. Often one, like myself, can see only what's impossible. Though, what is possible? How can go from here to there?
Follow his recommendations, into building trust and collaboration, the foundations towards what can be.
March 25, 2025
What is the way out of destructive conflicts?
William Ury brings a refreshing idea that conflict is something natural and we have to deal with it in a constructive way. It is very normal to deal with conflict in a negative way putting ourselves in weird situations. I personally always hated conflicts and thought that it has only negative aspects putting myself only in uncomfortable situations, defensive mode, avoidance or give in.
But this book showed me some hope in using tools to transform conflict to a day-to-day normal thing. It seems to be a constructive way to patiently collaborate in problem solving. The key elements are active listening, empathy and strong sense of community. Thank you for this beautiful way to show us that there is a way to have freedom to be.
William Ury brings a refreshing idea that conflict is something natural and we have to deal with it in a constructive way. It is very normal to deal with conflict in a negative way putting ourselves in weird situations. I personally always hated conflicts and thought that it has only negative aspects putting myself only in uncomfortable situations, defensive mode, avoidance or give in.
But this book showed me some hope in using tools to transform conflict to a day-to-day normal thing. It seems to be a constructive way to patiently collaborate in problem solving. The key elements are active listening, empathy and strong sense of community. Thank you for this beautiful way to show us that there is a way to have freedom to be.
May 22, 2024
77%
So some stuff happened between me reading this book and actually getting to read it so I was just not thrilled with the way that I had to pause out before reading this book but whatever moving on, this book is so powerfully his voice like I look at this and I'm like wow instantly recognized who this book was by just off from his writing style and voice it is so unique that it just makes him stand out so amazingly, I love the cooperation details I love the communication details I love hearing how to use these situations in a mutual way that leads to respect and progress, it makes me think of my saying there are more important things in life than money.
So some stuff happened between me reading this book and actually getting to read it so I was just not thrilled with the way that I had to pause out before reading this book but whatever moving on, this book is so powerfully his voice like I look at this and I'm like wow instantly recognized who this book was by just off from his writing style and voice it is so unique that it just makes him stand out so amazingly, I love the cooperation details I love the communication details I love hearing how to use these situations in a mutual way that leads to respect and progress, it makes me think of my saying there are more important things in life than money.
November 5, 2025
Conflict is prevalent in day-to-day situations, and there is a reason that the phrase 'avoidance of conflict' exists. Facing your fears is difficult, and at least for me, conflict has been exactly that - a fear. Well in this book, William Ury gives a fresh perspective on conflict resolution. He guides step-by-step through different conflict-resolution techniques, making it easier to process a conflict. He starts with the idea of a balcony, bridge and connection. The balcony is the space where you process your side of the situation, a bridge is a listening or understanding exercise which helps to come to terms with the conflicting side, and the final step is connection - finding the solution that solves both parties' problems. This is the overall strategy, and he even lays out some tactics to achieve the results. It's a great read and offers lots of learning.
June 13, 2024
Learned a great mindset to resolve a conflict-
Author explained this methodology that helped him to resolve many political and personal conflicts.
- Go to the balcony (Paul/Zoom In/Zoom Out)
- Build a golden bridge via Listening, creating and attracting
- Leverage the power of the third side through host, help and swarm, to Swarm a conflict means to surround it with a critical mass of ideas and influence, use the power of many
Great methodology and mindset to deal with conflict
Author explained this methodology that helped him to resolve many political and personal conflicts.
- Go to the balcony (Paul/Zoom In/Zoom Out)
- Build a golden bridge via Listening, creating and attracting
- Leverage the power of the third side through host, help and swarm, to Swarm a conflict means to surround it with a critical mass of ideas and influence, use the power of many
Great methodology and mindset to deal with conflict
August 27, 2024
A rather actionable and empathetic, not to mention optimistic, outlook on conflict in the modern day. The author's influence on many of the most recognizable conflicts in the last half a century might have saved many of our lives while we didn't even know it. I had some great takeaways and I do recommend this book, but in my opinion it could have used another editing pass for brevity and repetition.
September 14, 2024
From the author of Getting to Yes, this explains his principles of negotiation in sweeping generalizations followed by real world examples.
I like the book, although some of the time it seemed like a sanitized version of what really happened, in the service of having the example fit the theory.
The author is on the front lines of international diplomacy. I am fascinated and pleased that he gets it about people and culture. God bless a negotiator who studied anthropology!
I like the book, although some of the time it seemed like a sanitized version of what really happened, in the service of having the example fit the theory.
The author is on the front lines of international diplomacy. I am fascinated and pleased that he gets it about people and culture. God bless a negotiator who studied anthropology!
December 19, 2024
Had too many library books to read so only read/skimmed part of this book. Interesting man with a uplifting chosen path in life. Possibility lens vs the hopeless negativity so many of us get stuck in. Think BIGGER even if you have no idea how to do your vision. Speak it, enroll others and work as a team. He's helped so many people and war stricken countries find the middle place where they CAN agree. Our govt's & people need more of that and not just divisiveness and all the us/them.
June 21, 2025
I believe Mr. Ury is a world-leading voice on the power of negotiation and mediation. And if this had been the first book of his I read, I probably would have rated it much higher.
But I found the stories to be both repetitive from earlier works and repetitive inside this book. And there wasn't any compelling new insights that weren't already discussed in previous books. I recommend reading his earlier works first.
But I found the stories to be both repetitive from earlier works and repetitive inside this book. And there wasn't any compelling new insights that weren't already discussed in previous books. I recommend reading his earlier works first.
September 3, 2025
William Ury, a legend in the field of negotiation, has written a sensational, timeless book on negotiation that can be applied to our everyday business and even domestic negotiations. There is one catch: the examples are taken from international negotiations, including those involving politicians, but they can be applied in everyday life, not just in politics. This is a book for people who do not read literally but have a broad perspective. I highly recommend it!
April 24, 2024
Highly recommend this book!
William seems to be part of an elite group of people who routinely, covertly, save the world...
Part of how they do this is by "swarming" issues that threaten mankind's survival.
The concept of swarming is introduced toward the end of the book and seems to be an exceptional method for devastating the competition...
https://www.bb3method.com/
William seems to be part of an elite group of people who routinely, covertly, save the world...
Part of how they do this is by "swarming" issues that threaten mankind's survival.
The concept of swarming is introduced toward the end of the book and seems to be an exceptional method for devastating the competition...
https://www.bb3method.com/
July 7, 2025
So many real life lessons and examples of what could work when dealing with conflicts even when stakes are at the highest. Highly recommended. I'm also glad that I can see how anthropology is helpful. I could never understand its real life application but this book made it clear how crucial a role this plays.
May 20, 2024
Mandatory read for leaders and all of us
This is book is an inspiring walk through the transformation of conflicts into possibilities.
The techniques herein are good tools for a president of a country, business leqder or a parent dealing with a conflict.
Must read!
This is book is an inspiring walk through the transformation of conflicts into possibilities.
The techniques herein are good tools for a president of a country, business leqder or a parent dealing with a conflict.
Must read!
August 14, 2024
I thought this book was full of excellent ideas to solve conflicts... and hope everyone involved in current world conflicts and hostage negotiation in the Middle East is reading this book and thinking of out of the box solutions. We deserve a world of possible.
January 20, 2025
Excellent negotiation and conflict resource. After his decades in the field, Ury offers a robust and accessible framework with great stories from the field to illustrate. Great read. The chapter on Dennis Rodman and North Korea was wild.
January 21, 2025
Loved the first half of this book, found the second half a bit tedious and repetitive in its anecdotes. Regardless, a must read. Really shaped how I view conflict & negotiation - in small settings along with large scale.
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