¿Así es la muerte?: 38 preguntas mortales de niños y niñas

by Ellen Duthie, Anna Juan-Cantavella, Andrea Antinori

Dos escritoras y un ilustrador entran en un libro y se encuentran con 38 preguntas sobre la muerte de niños y niñas de entre 5 y 15 años. ¿Qué responderán? Un libro tierno, desprejuiciado, riguroso y extrañamente alegre que invita a conversar, reflexionar y preguntarse por la muerte. En este libro encontrarás respuestas a algunas de estas Cuando te mueres, ¿se te quita el pensamiento? ¿Cómo sé, cuando me duermo, que no me he muerto? Y si me muero, ¿qué será de mi consola? ¿Da miedo la muerte? ¿Es verdad que cuando te decapitan, tu cuerpo corre sin cabeza? Si se muere alguien a quien quieres, ¿cuánto tiempo estás triste? En un futuro, ¿existirán máquinas para revivir a la gente? ¿Por qué se dice «descanse en paz» y no «descanse divertido»?

Genres: Nonfiction, Death, Grief

144 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2023

Reviews

[Marta Cava]

Una trentena de criatures fan preguntes sobre la mort i l'Anna Juan i l'Ellen Duthie més responen amb honestedat, claredat i una mica d'humor. La literatura infantil que ens agrada: valenta i de qualitat.

[Gacela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Qué hermosura de libro y qué importante el curro de estas compañeras hablando sobre la muerte a través de todas estas preguntas de peques que son genial punto de partida para conversaciones que nos harían falta y bien a todas las edades.

[Ileana (The Tiniest Book Club) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Three years of work went into this fantastic book. The authors collected questions from kids between five and fifteen years of age from many parts of the world in families, schools and libraries and chose to answer 38 of them for "Dying to Ask".

Andrea Antinori, one of my favorite illustrators, put his own answers to these questions in his paintings without knowing the answers Ellen Duthie and Anna Juan Cantavella decided on. And the illustrations are just amazing, I bet you have never seen the grim reaper depicted so friendly und lovable.

The book starts with the question easiest to answer: will I die? Followed by a whole variety ranging from specific ("Why do they dress the dead in white in India and Pakistan?") to funny ("If I die, who will get to keep my game console?"), from easy to answer ("How do they make tombstones?") to impossible to know ("Where do we go when we die?"). The answers are honest, breaking taboos and clearing up myths about death.
The most important answer of all: we should talk more freely about death and dying. And: it's okay to not know.

[MKF]

This felt like Will Cats Eat My Eyeballs? by Caitlin Doughty except not as funny and is written for kids. It does a good job explaining difficult death related topics in a simple, secular way that's easy to explain and easy for most kids to understand. Though it's a good book for that but the illustrations are terrible and if an adult drew them then I hope their other art is a lot better.
Due to the questions and topics I wouldn't give this to a kid to read by themselves unless they're older like preteen. Instead I would use it as a way to help explain things in a way that they can understand better. I do recommend learning more from other sources beforehand and making sure you can answer any other questions they ask. Another reason is because there was some information that isn't entirely accurate though not sure if it was done on purpose or not. An example is the section about skeletons the authors mentioned that during cremation it gets so hot it destroys everything leaving nothing behind but ash. Depending on the childs age or how much information you want them to have the truth is that bones are left then grounded to ash. It's a small thing but if you want to be open to talking about death then you should be accurate with the information you give to them as well.
The only issue is something the author wrote when discussing how long grief lasts. She recommends counseling if you're still intensely sad as the day of death or they struggle with everyday life. This reminds me of a person I knew who's kids lost a sibling a sibling at a very young age. When her kids were still struggling after a few months the kids were put into counseling for a year. I told her she didn't give them enough time to come to terms with the loss or time to grieve and we haven't spoken to each other in over a decade. I just don't understand how we can tell kids it's okay to grieve then when they do we rush them to therapy and medications. It's not just regular grief though since the intense sadness and struggles with life can also describes prolonged or chronic grief. This type of grief can really destroy your life and if it is then yes go and get the help you need. If you or your kids need counseling after a death I hope it's because you you actually need it or feel it will really benefit your or their lives. This paragraph is a rant but also to tell parents to learn about what is healthy and normal when it comes to grief especially in kids.
Overall it's a good book for helping parents to talk to their kids about death but lacking in other ways.

[Sara Molina León · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este libro es una maravillosa idea: nos invita a todos, tanto a niños como a adultos, a atrevernos a hablar de la muerte y permitir que deje de convertirse en un tabú.

Con un gran sentido del humor pero sin abandonar un estricto rigor en ningún momento, las autoras responden a un montón de preguntas reales de niños de distintas partes del mundo.

[Emi · Rating 4 out of 5]

QUE BUENA LECTURA.
Un libro lleno de curiosidad, ternura, conocimiento y sobretodo Muerte. Un libro necesario para poder hablar abiertamente de este tema, y sobretodo sin condescendencia ni adultocentrismo.
Un muy buen recurso para tutores y niños y niñas con curiosidad.
Hasta yo aprendí cosas leyendo.
Bacancitooo.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest answers to children's questions. Scientific answers, cultural and religious explanations, and other questions for the reader to ponder. The end papers are filed with more questions from children.

[Gerónimo Ballerini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Antes de nacer, ¿donde estaba? ¿estaba muerta?
¿Se puede pedir a alguien que no te mueras?
¿Podemos saber si nuestros abuelos muertos tienen sentimientos?

Que lindo libro, ahora tengo un par de sesiones de terapia por delante

[Antonio Roda Martínez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gran libro para ayudar a tratar el tema con los niños. Lo único que echo un poco en falta es edades recomendadas para “atacar” cada pregunta.

[Gemma Masdeu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imprescindible!

[Carola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hablar de muerte en la escuela no es fácil. Hablar de muerte con NNA es algo importantísimo y no tenemos mucho material. Acá hay algo que nos puede ayudar muchísimo

[Buchdoktor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ellen Duthie und Anna Juan Cantavella haben Fragen von Kindern ab 5 Jahre zum Thema Tod gesammelt und antworten dem jeweiligen Fragesteller direkt wie in einem persönlichen Brief. Die Kinderfragen füllen, eng gedruckt, die vorderen und hinteren Vorsatzpapiere. Jedes Kapitel besteht aus einer ganzseitigen Illustration, 2-3 Seiten Text, sowie Verweisen auf verwandte Themen oder Frage-Aufträge an andere Menschen. Man könnte im Buch wie im Zickzack von Frage zu Frage springen, auf die die Illustrationen ihre eigenen Antworten geben. Die klug gewählten Fragen und der philosophische Ansatz der Autorinnen verdeutlichen vom ersten Kapitel an, dass es nicht damit getan sein wird, Kindern dieses Buch vorzulesen, sondern dass es Erwachsene herausfordert, zu ihren Werten und Ängsten Stellung zu nehmen.

Duthies Gesprächspartner:innen fragen danach, warum wir überhaupt sterben müssen, warum wir den Tod fürchten und wo sie vor ihrer Geburt waren. Auch auf die originelle Frage, wer nach dem Tod eines Kindes dessen Spielkonsole erbt, gibt es eine wohlüberlegte Antwort. Es geht u. a. um Waisenkinder, Selbstmord, Organspende, Sterbehilfe, Trauer, Beerdigungs-Sitten, das Aussterben der Menschheit, aber auch darum, wann professionelle Hilfe gesucht werden sollte.

Das Skelett auf der Coverillustration, das seine menschliche Haut wie einen Onesie zum Trocknen aufgehängt hat, bereitet darauf vor, dass hier neben biologischen, historischen, psychologischen und philosophischen Sichtweisen auch makabrer Humor zum Zuge kommt.

Der Verlag stuft das Buch für Kinder ab 8 Jahre ein; meine Empfehlung lautet, das Buch rechtzeitig selbst lesen, nicht erst, wenn Kinderfragen akut sind.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

According to the publisher, this is "Recommended for mortals of all ages. To be enjoyed alone starting at age 8 and in company starting at age 6." For this reason, I cataloged it in the parenting collection...and then brought it home to peruse.

This would have been a great book for my younger child (now almost 16) when they were in elementary school, because they were very interested in macabre topics. The authors collected questions about death from children ages 5 to 15 from around the world, picked 38 and answered them to the best of their abilities. "Without reading any of the answers to the questions, [the illustrator, Andrea Antinori] set out to give his own kind of interpretation and reaction to each of them, through his drawings." The overall product is very accessible and appealing.

Some questions have factual answers:
Will I die?
How does skin go away? (The authors interpreted this as a question about decomposition.)
How do they make tombstones?
Is it true that when you're decapitated, your body can run around headless? (Not unless you're a chicken.)

Others are more philosophical, but still include some scientific information in the answers:
When you die, does your thinking stop?
Why do we have to die?
What is there after death?

Some that are obviously very personal and nuanced:
Who takes care of children when parents die?
Is there any way of knowing whether our dead grandparents have feelings?
Why do some people die by suicide?
If someone you love dies, how long will you be sad?
Why aren't children allowed to see the dead?
Why do people find it so uncomfortable to talk about death?
Is death scary?
Why don't they give people an injection to help them die when they are sick, like they do with animals?

And some add a bit of levity:
If I die, who will get to keep my game console? ("It's time to think about drafting a will.")
Is it bad luck to die? (The deaths of Hans Steininger & Allan Pinkerton are used as examples.)
Is there any fate worse than death? (Prometheus & Tantalus get a shout out.)

Overall, a great resource for kids (and adults) who have questions about death.

Nonfiction November 2024: Book #2

[Rachel Caiano · Rating 5 out of 5]

Muito bom. Para jovens, para todos.
Perguntas feitas por crianças e jovens, sobre a morte
Sofrimento, dor, suicídio, longevidade.
Sempre com muito humor
Quando se morre, porque se morre.
Não ter medo de falar da morte
O sentido da vida
(“A sua vida tem mais sentido do que a vida de uma mosca?”)




Eu vou morrer?
Somos mortais
Era bom viver para sempre?
O que acontece ao pensamento
O corpo não morre todo de uma vez- é um processo
“Meio mortos” “meio vivos”
Por ex rins podem demorar 1 hora. pele umas horas. Glóbulos brancos, dias.
“Como sabemos que um vivo está realmente vivo?”
“A vida se chamaria “vida” se não existisse morte”
“Depois da morte existe reciclagem “
“O que existe depois da morte? Nada. E o que é o “nada?””
“Como é possível que, ao morrer, tudo o que somos desapareça para sempre?”
“Antes de nascer, onde estava eu? Estava morta?”
Outra vida depois da morte, outra vida antes da vida
“Antes de ser feito, onde estava o bolo”
“E se a única possibilidade de o planeta sobreviver for a extinção da espécie humana?”
As cores do luto- na idade média, na europa, a cor era o branco ( mais barato, todos tinham roupas brancas). A certa altura os ricos começaram a aparecer de preto (sinal de riqueza, já que podiam comprar o tecido, que era mais caro) - influencer.
Em madagáscar- tradição familiar- virada de ossos. A cada 7 anos desenterrar ossadas, arrumar e nova mortalha. Festa. Todos veem e todos participam
“Falar sobre a morte não mata”
Testamento:” um aristocrata port sr. Noronha Cabral da Câmara deixou fortuna a setenta pessoas escolhidas aleatoriamente na lista telefónica “
“No futuro, vão existir máquinas para ressuscitar as pessoas “ ex disfibrilhador
Técnicas do passado para ressuscitar mortos: amarrar uma pessoa a um cavalo a trotar; soprar fumo de tabaco para o orifício anal 👀
Eutanásia
Doação de órgãos- pode-se doar 8!!!
Destino
Oráculo
Guilhotina
Frango decapitado que viveu mais de um ano
Imortalidade do corpo. Imortalidade da mente
Computadores e limites
Duplo digital
Descanse em paz vs Descanse feliz

[Hal Schrieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really friendly, approachable book with funny/occasionally morbid but never quite gruesome playful cartoon illustrations.

"How will I die?" "How does your skin go away?" "Can you run around with your head cut off?"-- kids' questions about death deserve thoughtful, attentive answers, and this group of experts (biologists for the expert info about bodies, and anthropologists and a philosopher for the other stuff) gives funny but serious responses to the questions of kids between age 5 and 15. Understanding the bodily processes by which we go from being alive to not alive, and thinking about things like "what is the oldest a human can live" and "what if someone invented a machine to make dead people come back to life" helps kids address death not as a taboo, fearsome topic but as something that is a piece of life in the world-- that they will inevitably encounter, whether or not their parents want them to. There are tons of thoughtful questions on each page that help further a longer conversation. I like the image of Marie Antoinette's head on a skateboard rolling away on a new adventure, and the way that the page on "suicide" features a cartoon vampire basking in the sun. Just the right about of macabre. If it's too much for your kid, though, a parent or caregiver could easily use this as a resource to think about how they want to address these questions when they eventually come up.

I think this makes a great present for a kid who likes learning about human body related stuff, a good book to have in a classroom or feature on a Halloween display, or to give an anxious child with more questions than the adults around them can field.