Fighting Shadows: Overcoming 7 Lies That Keep Men From Becoming Fully Alive

by Jefferson Bethke, Jon Tyson

In a world that’s grown increasingly confused about--and hostile toward--the very notion of masculinity, authors Jefferson Bethke and Jon Tyson send a powerful call to men it's time to step into the light of Jesus' vision for you as a man. There's a shadow that's settled over the hearts of men today. Masculinity is in crisis. Critiques about the dangers of toxic masculinity and the abuses of patriarchal systems have grown louder than ever. The very notions of masculinity and manhood are under attack. In response to cultural shifts, some have doubled down on old stereotypes in ways that just add to the conflict and confusion. The result? Many men simply feel paralyzed--worried about saying the wrong thing, unsure what to do with their ambitions or strengths, simultaneously tempted and shamed by a hypersexualized and pornified culture. Our models and mentors have failed us. Based on their years of working in men's ministry, Bethke and Tyson have good news for men looking for clarity and courage in this age of quiet desperation. In  Fighting Shadows , they help men   An entire generation of men is being told they should abdicate the responsibility and joy of living into God's calling on their lives— don't be one of them . If you're a man who's wondering what to do with your strength, your longings, and your gifts, it's time to step out of the shadows. Jesus has a vision for you.

Genres: Christian, Faith, Christian Living, Discipleship, Leadership, Nonfiction, Christianity

237 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 21, 2024

Reviews

[Zach Painter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could rate this more book more than 5 stars. Life giving and changing content at the perfect time.

[Dane Olney · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a men’s ministry leader, I’ve struggled to find books that speak to a broad range of men in our cultural moment unless they are addressing a specific issue like addiction. So far The Men We Need by Brant Hansen and maybe Morgan Snyder’s book Becoming a King are the only two that I’ve found have resonated deeply with all kinds of guys. Fighting Shadows has now joined that exclusive group of books I will be giving out confidently! The book centers around a brilliant and flexible metaphor of the shadow which should prove very fertile for formal group discussions and more informal culture building. I’m grateful for Jon and Jeff and for the fruit that is coming from their unlikely connection. I’d say a critique is the lack of reflection questions but that is more than made up for in their Fighting Shadows Masterclass and ebooks that go further into specific chapters.

P.S. Jon and Jeff met 5 mins before they recorded their mini-podcast The Intentional Family which was absolute magic. I can’t recommend a better simple resource for a small group of guys to discuss. I’m happy to say they capture the same magic here in this book!

[Joseph Beverly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was pretty suspicious of this book at first. It kinda sounded like another “Just be a man and do what God called you to do” sort of book but it ended up being something entirely different. Manhood was not laid out in terms of power or authority or “winning” for God, but instead was shown to be something centered around who Jesus was as a man. His kindness, loyalty, fierceness, care for others, emotional capacity, and a submission to God’s will and vision. It discussed 7 shadows that men face that pull them away from the light of God (while acknowledging that women face a lot of these too) and gave some explanations for why so many men are apathetic and detached from everyone around them. There was also an interesting survey where they surveyed a few hundred women in the church and asked why men suck and what they are lacking 😂

I didn’t know I needed this book to help rekindle my ever-fluctuating relationship with God, but I did. And I’m grateful.

[Arthur Franklin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I would encourage men and women to read, helping to understand what is going on in the brain and why formation and spiritual development in men is so contested.

The chapter on community and friendship was fantastic and will shape how I seek to do life and ministry going forward.

[James Hanson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the theme of the book - shadows which “eclipse” your view of God. There were some good insights here and then some so-so Christian self-help sections, as well. Overall, though, I liked it and was encouraged by it. Nothing new or earth-shattering here, but probably helpful to most guys.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jon and Jeff rightly identify the lies that keep men from becoming fully alive. Their tools and stories are excellent, and I believe if implemented will change the trajectory of a man’s life.

Their focus on Jesus as the model man makes this book refreshing in comparison to many other books which use cultural stereotypes to define masculinity. Highly recommend this book - especially for those who have been grasping for change and can’t seem to find it.

[Nathan Pullman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good book for every man to read. Deeply needed and hits the nail on the head on some of the real thoughts and struggles we as men experience with a strong vision of what life can be for men in their pursuit of Jesus

[Andrew Hager · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was awesome! Can’t wait to read it with my CG guys. I’ve got an extra copy that’d I’d love to send to someone in ministry…comment if you want it!

[J.P. Funk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fairly easy read and puts to words in detail implicit thoughts that men have. This is the kind of book you will benefit from discussing with a few other men.

There’s tons of great quotes, but the most eye opening-

“How you experience the present is dictated by your belief about the future.”

Makes me think of the scripture Romans 5:2 NLT- “I confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing in your glory.”

[Marcelo · Rating 5 out of 5]

7 lies lurking in the shadows. Their prevalence causing havoc in men all over the world. This book looks to shed light of those shadows, encouraging and equipping men on how to properly fight in order to live in the light.

Highly recommend read. Great resource and topic of fruitful discussion in a group setting as well.

[Austin Damon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book lit me on fire. It addresses the most common shadows that are cast over men’s hearts, keeping them from being more alive and whole.

As I read this my heart ached for other men to read this book.

[Brice Karickhoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book is pretty well summarized by its own subtitle. Nothing groundbreaking, but an incredible gateway into some valuable introspection and conversation. Definitely best read in community! Probably 3.5 stars if read alone on your couch and 4.5 stars if read in a Men’s Group setting.

[Hunter Harwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read, definitely enjoy Jon’s writing more than Jeff’s. Thought it was insightful and pinpointed much of the things men our day walk through.

The quotes from other writers and spiritual leaders were rich.

If you’re a guy who enjoyed Wild at Heart, this a must read

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great book for a small group. Definitely going to reread it later in life. Fosters amazing thought and conversation.

[Tim Hunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Guys go read this book. Now.

[John Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt like this book described perfectly the age Christian men (and all men in a sense) are in currently. We are in a spiritual battle that we are losing because we're not even aware of what we're facing. We are confused and because we don't know how to move forward we resign ourselves to mediocrity.

The authors focus on seven shadows all men face and I felt they were accurate. I didn't resonate with all the shadows but not every man will and I believe that speaks to the nature of how Satan fine tunes how he will attack a man. Each chapter does a great job covering why these shadows are so powerful and they offer ways men can combat them. They do a great job covering theory on these shadows but I wish there was more practical insights. Each chapter could probably be its own book outright but I know that's a lot to read!

Overall, I appreciate the focus and insight of this book. Jon and Jeff are providing a resource that Christian men desperately need. This feels like the beginning of something big. I finished the book feeling convicted and desiring more guidance on how to overcome the shadows I resonated with. I easily recommend this book to all Christian men, it will wake you up.

[Blake Odgers · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compelling vision with helpful tools. JT & JB have sat at the table with men longing for more - to be more - but with no path to get there. They're walking the way and taking a generation of men along with them. Thankful to be on the road.

[John Vick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I hope many Christian men read this book. The chapter on loneliness/community alone was worth the price of the book.

[Camden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought-provoking book. Pairs well with friends, a fire pit, and a glass of whisky.

Five star review. I can’t think of a man today who would not benefit from reading this book. And the younger you are, the more time you have to combat the 7 lies the authors identify before they are properly entrenched.

Honestly, it took me a bit to catch on and grasp the title metaphor of the shadow. I think it is easy to leave it at face value of “fighting darkness with the light of scripture” but that isn’t all the authors have in mind. The real idea of the shadow is one of a life that is flat, 2D, colorless, and detail-less - which pales in comparison to the abundant and joy filled life that Jesus promises! I found all 7 lies to be relevant to my life experience and that the book provides a helpful framework for further reflection. But this is NOT a self help book; this is something you will need both the Holy Spirit and Christian community to meaningfully implement and benefit from.

I really appreciate how the writing partnership between the two authors is evident. Their combined perspectives kept everything fresh, and they (or more likely their editing team) did a great job reconciling their two voices to not feel dissonant. I think it’s better for everyone that Tyson and Bethke co-wrote this instead each writing their own.

This could be a quick read if you just plow through, but it also has enough thoughtful prompts for a long, slow, meditative read. Likely the best way to read it is in a one chapter per week book club (see the Chapter on Loneliness). I’ll need to read it a few times for everything to sink in.

[Jake Preston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Men are struggling in the current cultural moment. Some are held captive by a vision for masculinity that stems more from John Wayne than Jesus. Others are afraid to pursue their potential for fear of being demonized or criticized.

Bethke and Tyson chart a path forward by helping men overcome the shadows that are keeping them from fulfilling their God-given purpose of being totally conformed to the image of Jesus. They tackle despair, loneliness, shame, lust, ambition, futility, and apathy.

I appreciated that the authors don't advocate cultural stereotypes, but stick to traits outlined in Scripture. We as men need to recover a biblical view of manhood and participate wholeheartedly in the renewal of creation under the lordship of King Jesus. Highly recommend.

[Jake Childers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. I think it uncovered lies I was believing in my own life, helped me to correct ways that I fight sin incorrectly, and provided tools to control the fight against “the shadows”. I need to spend more time in prayer and reflection over each chapter. My only complaint is (like most books) I think it lacks depth in some areas. Meaning a lot of the stories shared as examples were the shallow kind that look good on paper, but aren’t super helpful for the reader to practice. I would have appreciated more vulnerability from the authors and their friends. I think it would have made an already great book significantly more powerful. 4.2

[Temi Agbaje · Rating 5 out of 5]

EVERY CHRISTIAN DUDE NEEDS FO READ THIS! Shout out to Andrew Hagar for getting me this book! One of the best books I’ve read on what it looks like to be the man God is calling His sons to be! OH MY GOOODNESS!! These two understand how culture has negatively impacted men and invite men into turning away from the culture and turning to Jesus! WOW!

“We need men who are defined by a biblical vision of manhood. We need men who see themselves as image bearers and sons of God— those entrusted with power and responsibility to create, cultivate, care, and defend our world for God’s glory, their joy, and good of others— men like the one Jesus is forming you to become.”

[Benjamin Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I could give 3.5 stars i would. This book is great for reading with a group and discussing. Would be less enjoyable to read solo.

Thought a lot of the chapters led to good reflection and challenging questions.

It’s always helpful to be able to name things. That might be my biggest takeaway from this book. Having an more defined set of strategies the enemy uses, and being able to identify them when I see them.

Definitely a lot of fluff in there, could be shorter.

Fun to read with other guys and get different perspectives on shadows that you haven’t wrestled with.

[Rainer Erani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fighting Shadows by Jefferson Bethke and Jon Tyson is an exceptional read. The authors understand modern men, the lies they believe, and how to fight back with Biblical truths and practical tips. This book is a great resource for anyone who loves or works with men—whether you're discipling, befriending, married to, or are a man yourself—this book will bless you. With compelling illustrations and thoughtful insights, Fighting Shadows sheds light on the reasons many men feel numb and provides a simple map toward flourishing. Highly recommended!

[Peter Graham Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fighting Shadows isn’t just another book on manhood—it’s a much-needed wake-up call. In a world that’s constantly redefining masculinity, this book anchors manhood in biblical truth, calling men to rise above passivity and confusion. While it tackles some debated topics, it does so with conviction, always pointing back to Scripture. It’s not about opinions—it’s about a higher standard. If you’re looking for a book that challenges, encourages, and equips men to step into their God-given roles, this is it.

[Mark Shelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Generally a good read. Some of the chapters are more engaging than others. While I think the authors may paint a slightly negative picture of Christian men, I think they have their fingers on the pulse of how our culture is impacting males. The chapters on lust, loneliness, futility, and apathy I thought were particularly well done. Their solutions at times were somewhat simplistic, but even so are worthy of consideration.

[Adam Ginn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had a lot of great content and things to say which is the reason for the 4 stars. I personally didn’t like having two authors write the books. I thought it helped in areas where you get both authors views but it also felt choppy at times because of it. Overall good read for any man out there

[Michael Wagner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read, more synthesis than originality. Sometimes simplicity masks conviction - it goes down too smooth to notice its potency. In Fighting Shadows, Jon & Jeff call the cards in modern masculinity and the challenges men face. Good for prompting group discussion, and helping men who struggle with self-reflection crack the facade and ask hard questions.

[Jasper Kent · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love how Jefferson and Jon approach the cultural narrative of manhood today. They address the lies so many of us easily believe. They lay out simple steps forward in how someone overcomes their shadows and steps into a better future.

Worth putting on your list to read!

[Chris Frakes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good book. Definitely taking groups of guys through this for years to come. I would’ve liked to see more Scripture and less stories in certain chapters but overall this book touches an ache that nobody else seems to be speaking to effectively.