I know this review is long but I highly encourage you to read it if you are even thinking about picking up a book by this author. Spoiler alert, I'm not nice
Edit - I was coming on here to post my full review because it was too long for the Kindle app only to see that this cover description or completely different. Instead of the hockey team I read about this is being marketed as a football romance?!?! The f*ck?! Where's the addition I read? You know, the one that's being sold on Amazon! I want to believe this mistake, but if you read my full review you'll understand why I don't think it is. I'm dropping this down to 1.5 stars and the only reason why I'm rounding up is because of Jesse and Peyton.
My feelings for this book are, to put it mildly... complicated. There are things I genuinely love and there are things I flat out hate. Get your libations ready because this is going to be a long one.
Note, it goes without say this is a dark romance with subject matter that's going to make a lot of people very uncomfortable. However, because there's no content warning, I'm going to provide that now. R@pe, dub-con, racial slurs, racially charged violence, violence against women, cult mentality and practice, and microaggressions (like a lot). I'm sure I'm missing some things but I think that covers most of it. These are not spoilers, it's the author's duty. Readers have the right to know about potentially triggering content in a book so they can make an informed decision as to whether or not they want to read it. Not doing this makes me lose a lot of respect for this author. Let's get into the review.
I want to start with nice things first but we got to talk about the elephant in the room, this book is technically terrible. And by technically, I'm talking about the technicalities of writing. Not the artistry, but just basic writing conventions.
- Example number one, the book is written in first person present tense but it switches to past tense randomly. I'm not saying a book can't do that but when it happens in the middle of a sentence, that tells me think it's not a choice. I mean it's a choice but not an artistic one.
- Example number two, the book does not abide by the first door you open is the first door you close rule. The sentence and paragraph structure is all over the place. If a character is walking into a room, why are we hearing about several other actions we didn't even know about before they make it into the room? Why is door three being closed while doors one and two are still wide open? And we didn't even know door four was open but there it is. That might not make a lot of sense if you're not a writer or an artist but trust me, it's extremely frustrating to read.
- Example number three, there are these weird gaps that completely disrupt the pacing and flow of the story. I genuinely don't know why they are there. The transition are terrible.
- Example number four, there's way too much telling and not enough showing. Don't just tell me that Peyton told her secret to Jesse. Show me. Hearing it from Jessie several pages later when he's pissed off doesn't have nearly the same effect. It falls flat when it should have been given a moment. A lot of scenes are like this. Things are said in the wrong moment when they should have been shown to us.
- Example number 4.5, constantly naming what song is playing and by whom. Once or twice is fine when it fits the mood but it happens so much in this book. And the songs aren't even good so why bring them up? I don't need to hear about these characters listening to Mac Miller or Yeah. You see how cringy that sounds? Think about how I felt reading about a bunch of college kids making out to Katy Perry's Dark Horse in a sorority house! This isn't a technicality but it's cringy AF. Don't do it!
- Example number five...ish, lots of spelling and grammar errors but as I always say, that's the name of the game when you read indie books. Honestly, this book NEEDS a developmental editor and a copy editor. I understand not everyone can afford those things but this book is hurting when it doesn't need to. There is a story here, a good one, but it's hard to see with all these technical issues.
Let's talk about that good story. This dark academia, twisted sorority hockey cult thing, love it. It's messed up but so good. Mama, I was here! It drops off towards the end but picks itself back up in a way that I was going along until the end (more on that later). However, that's not what made me almost give this book four stars. That's all because of the characters. They are great fully developed with their own backstories, personalities, and goals. Especially Jesse and Peyton. In fact, let's fangirl over Jesse for a moment. He's kind, never slut shames, named a bunch of black hockey players when Peyton said black people don't ice skate, taught her how to ice skate (why don't more hockey romances do this? It was so cute!), great in bed and loves Peyton so deeply for who she is, not what she looks like. I mean she's hot and he's into that but he loves her for her. There's so much chemistry and character development between them. Both of these characters grow as people and in turn, they grow in their relationship. Peyton lightens up and Jesse grows up. It's really beautiful. The smut is also hot. Seriously, this woman is talented when it comes to writing smut. Jesse and Peyton have my heart but I loved all the characters. Piper and Clara make great villains, Mona is an amazing friend, and the other servory sisters were dope. Diesel can kick rocks but everyone else is great. Honestly, with characters this strong and a story that's interesting that's all you really need sometimes. Hell, the book even remembers that this is a college setting so the characters go to class and have to study. Do you have any idea how many books don't do this?! With all this, I can overlook the technical stuff.
Until I got to the end.
(Okay you see how these breaks don't make any sense? The book does this constantly! Why? I ask again, WHY?!)
I haven't been this angry at a book's ending in a long time. The book just ends. Literally. Peyton orgasms a bunch of times and that's it. I thought there was going to be another chapter or at least an epilogue but I was sorely mistaken and somehow also right, because there is another chapter. It's just not from Peyton or Jesse's perspective. It's Diesel. Remember Diesel? The terrible friend who constantly insults women and thinks being a rich white southern man means his life is difficult? Seriously, I don't know if that was meant to be a joke or not and I'm not sure which outcome is better. The entire last chapter is him from way earlier in the story having dinner with his dad and hearing that he has to have a kid (not a spoiler, it's a literal the next book). Then it cuts to him driving Jesse to Peyton and he meets Mona for the first time. Honestly, I don't know why this was here because all he did was say hi and she said hi back. The worst part is I can't even confirm if that's canonically accurate because we were only told about Jesse picking up Peyton. We didn't see the interactions of all four characters together. If you had just told us we wouldn't need this last stupid f*cking chapter and could have had a decent epilogue for the two great characters! I'm mad but here's why I'm genuinely pissed.
The entire story (excluding Diesel's dumbass chapter) ends at 75%, page 220 on my Kindle. That leaves 77 more pages. What's on those pages I hear you asking? Six chapters of another book, cover photos and blurbs for other hockey books, her backlist, and a thank you to her Patreon members line by line. They're not clumped together in one paragraph because that would make sense and we can't have nice things! I'm not being dramatic when I say this is stealing. Instead of just ending or give me more book, you give me 77 pages of nonsense?! Authors have been banned from Amazon for doing this. I would never report an author, especially since I can't confirm if this happens in her other books. I certainly won't be reading to find out but this shit is not okay. And you have a Patreon, people are paying you monthly for your writing? Shame on you!
I love indie authors, I will always support them. It's hard and mistakes are going to happen. But this is beginner shit. This author has way too many books out, many of which are not on KU and you have to buy out right, she should know better. Maybe she does or doesn't. Either way, it shows a lack of care and respect for the reader. I can't tell you who to support because a lot of y'all are supporting people who are garbage and don't deserve your coin. Some people can appreciate the art without reading the little plaque next to it but when the canvas isn't even done it's hard to overlook the plaque and not wonder why. 2.5 stars but I'm rounding up for Jesse and Peyton. They deserved better. You deserve better. If you read this author and love her, good for you. But I have questions and aren't polite.