What do you think?
Rate this book
The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain
As human beings, we cherish our individuality yet we know that we live in constant relationship to others, and that other people play a significant part in regulating our emotional and social behavior. Although this interdependence is a reality of our existence, we are just beginning to understand that we have evolved as social creatures with interwoven brains and biologies. The human brain itself is a social organ and to truly understand being human, we must understand not only how we as whole people exist with others, but how our brains, themselves, exist in relationship to other brains.
The first edition of this book tackled these important questions of interpersonal neurobiology—that the brain is a social organ built through experience—using poignant case examples from the author’s years of clinical experience. Brain drawings and elegant explanations of social neuroscience wove together emerging findings from the research literature to bring neuroscience to the stories of our lives.
Since the publication of the first edition in 2006, the field of social neuroscience has grown at a mind-numbing pace. Technical advances now provide more windows into our inner neural universe and terms like attachment, empathy, compassion, and mindfulness have begun to appear in the scientific literature. Overall, there has been a deepening appreciation for the essential interdependence of brain and mind. More and more parents, teachers, and therapists are asking how brains develop, grow, connect, learn, and heal. The new edition of this book organizes this cutting-edge, abundant research and presents its compelling insights, reflecting a host of significant developments in social neuroscience.
Our understanding of mirror neurons and their significance to human relationships has continued to expand and deepen and is discussed here. Additionally, this edition reflects the gradual shift in focus from individual brain structures to functional neural systems—an important and necessary step forward. A great deal of neural overlap has been discovered in brain activation when we are thinking about others and ourselves. This raises many questions including how we come to know others and whether the notion of an “individual self” is anything more than an evolutionary strategy to support our interconnection.
In short, we are just beginning to see the larger implications of all neurological processes—how the architecture of the brain can help us to better understand individuals and our relationships. This book gives readers a deeper appreciation of how and why relationships have the power to reshape our brains throughout our life.
The first edition of this book tackled these important questions of interpersonal neurobiology—that the brain is a social organ built through experience—using poignant case examples from the author’s years of clinical experience. Brain drawings and elegant explanations of social neuroscience wove together emerging findings from the research literature to bring neuroscience to the stories of our lives.
Since the publication of the first edition in 2006, the field of social neuroscience has grown at a mind-numbing pace. Technical advances now provide more windows into our inner neural universe and terms like attachment, empathy, compassion, and mindfulness have begun to appear in the scientific literature. Overall, there has been a deepening appreciation for the essential interdependence of brain and mind. More and more parents, teachers, and therapists are asking how brains develop, grow, connect, learn, and heal. The new edition of this book organizes this cutting-edge, abundant research and presents its compelling insights, reflecting a host of significant developments in social neuroscience.
Our understanding of mirror neurons and their significance to human relationships has continued to expand and deepen and is discussed here. Additionally, this edition reflects the gradual shift in focus from individual brain structures to functional neural systems—an important and necessary step forward. A great deal of neural overlap has been discovered in brain activation when we are thinking about others and ourselves. This raises many questions including how we come to know others and whether the notion of an “individual self” is anything more than an evolutionary strategy to support our interconnection.
In short, we are just beginning to see the larger implications of all neurological processes—how the architecture of the brain can help us to better understand individuals and our relationships. This book gives readers a deeper appreciation of how and why relationships have the power to reshape our brains throughout our life.
655 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 6, 2006
131 people are currently reading
2395 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
May 6, 2012
What I loved about this book was that it fully encompassed everything I already think I know about attachment and neuroscience, and then it went the next step into resulting pathologies when attachments go awry in the early years. Cozolino shares case studies that help breathe life into what repair of the unfortunate wiring of the social brain might look like. Fascinating reading. Books like this change my outlook on the human being and our capacity to change, repair and love.
January 2, 2015
Cozolino has a Big Idea which runs through this book, and it is this: in the same way that a neuron cannot be really understood without knowing about its connections to other neurons and how they work, the human being as a whole cannot really be understood without knowing about its social connections to others and how they work.
It's an interesting idea, and towards the end of the book he develops it in more detail, but before that he takes us through a series of examples from his own practice as a therapist, in which a person's ability to form or maintain social connections is impaired.
What probably sets this book apart from others is that each chapter has both a narrative, in some cases deeply emotionally affecting, about a person who comes to him for help, and also a fairly detailed look at the neuroscience of the parts of that person's brain which are impacted. Not many people are able to tell a good story, and also guide one through some fairly intimidating brain science. I won't claim that I didn't sometimes find the neuroscience part to be challenging. It did, however, drive home the very important point that our brains, while still full of many mysteries, are not the complete black boxes which they once were.
The gap that Cozolino is trying to bridge is large. There are people who believe that we need to look at the person's social environment in order to treat them, and there are people who believe that we should try to develop the ability to use brain scans and other new imaging technology to improve our targeting of mental health issues. There are not many people who belong to both groups. If Cozolino is not completely alone, though, we may see the potential for big improvements in the next generation's ability to deal with mental health issues.
The investment and attention required to read this book is not small, but it is definitely worth it.
It's an interesting idea, and towards the end of the book he develops it in more detail, but before that he takes us through a series of examples from his own practice as a therapist, in which a person's ability to form or maintain social connections is impaired.
What probably sets this book apart from others is that each chapter has both a narrative, in some cases deeply emotionally affecting, about a person who comes to him for help, and also a fairly detailed look at the neuroscience of the parts of that person's brain which are impacted. Not many people are able to tell a good story, and also guide one through some fairly intimidating brain science. I won't claim that I didn't sometimes find the neuroscience part to be challenging. It did, however, drive home the very important point that our brains, while still full of many mysteries, are not the complete black boxes which they once were.
The gap that Cozolino is trying to bridge is large. There are people who believe that we need to look at the person's social environment in order to treat them, and there are people who believe that we should try to develop the ability to use brain scans and other new imaging technology to improve our targeting of mental health issues. There are not many people who belong to both groups. If Cozolino is not completely alone, though, we may see the potential for big improvements in the next generation's ability to deal with mental health issues.
The investment and attention required to read this book is not small, but it is definitely worth it.
October 21, 2008
This information should change our world, but will it be given its due? Child care policies, parenting practices and health care initiatives should all be informed by the neuroscience of human relationships. We are social animals and Cozolino shows us how the brain is shaped by our relationships or the lack of. He explains how critically important the infant-parent dyad is in shaping our brains and in developing future secure attachments/relationships.
"Those who are nurtured best, survive best."-Louis Cozolino
This book is based on research and it is heavy in neuroanatomy.
Topics included: trauma, connection, narratives, interpersonal truauma, asocial brain, antisocial brain, mirror neurons, social brain
"Those who are nurtured best, survive best."-Louis Cozolino
This book is based on research and it is heavy in neuroanatomy.
Topics included: trauma, connection, narratives, interpersonal truauma, asocial brain, antisocial brain, mirror neurons, social brain
Read
February 6, 2014A crash course in the evolution of consciousness and attachment for humans, this book definitely made me realize that as a mental health professional I really need to brush up on my brain biology and neuroscience. There is no escaping or denying that the counseling/psychological field is heading in this direction, though, frankly, far too slowly. Insights abound here, and I did a LOT of underlining, even if a lot of the physical brain stuff mostly all blurred together for me. I feel certain this is a book I will return to again and again in my practice. I also really appreciate that this book is written in an incredibly accessible manner. Even though it deals with heady stuff (pun intended), it's not overly academic or inaccessible.
October 30, 2022
At times (most of the time) this is a useful and generative read.
At other times, it is somewhat dated and cringey.
This (mostly great but) mixed bag of a text is still 100% worth reading. In fact, this may be the definitive text on this subject.
But the reader should absolutely be warned in advance of purchase and commitment. Parts of the book are dorky 😐.
Given all of that.
This is FOR SURE a recommended read.
Particularly for therapists.
But also for non mental health professionals too.
I think the highlight of this text for me is Cozolino’s conceptualization of the “social synapse”.
Neuroscience identifies several ways neurons (special cells in your brain and nervous system) communicate.
One of the important ways neurons communicate is via passing chemical messages across a gap called a synapse.
The more messages that pass between neurons, the stronger the connections get. A process described in the ol’ Hebbiean chestnut: “neurons that fire together wire are together”.
Cozolino conceptualizes communication between people as a scaled up (or rather scale free) synaptic process whereby information (cognitive, emotional etc.) is passed from person (a) to person (b) across what he terms the “social synapse”.
The ‘relationship’ or ‘group’ or ‘network’ as big brain 🧠 metaphor is obviously an apt one (given the rise of the internet and all that). Which may sound de rigueur now a-days. But back when this book was written…not so much.
Cozolino and his interpersonal neurobiology crew (mainly Daniel Siegel, and Allan Schore) were (and still are) instrumental in birthing the new paradigm of neuroscience informed relational psychotherapy.
I think we will all be integrating their work as a field and culture for years and decades to come.
NOTE:
When I mentioned that this book is “dated and cringy”. I mean it in an affectionate way. Like calling something a ‘dad joke’, it’s not completely a diss. There is something very nurturing about dad jokes. This book is kind hearted and wise. The corny excerpts are essentially there to make this complicated and potentially foreboding information easily accessible.
So all is forgiven (in my mind anyway).
The end definitely just the means in this case.
4/5 stars ⭐️ (but as important a read as any 5/5 star ⭐️).
🧠🧪🫠
At other times, it is somewhat dated and cringey.
This (mostly great but) mixed bag of a text is still 100% worth reading. In fact, this may be the definitive text on this subject.
But the reader should absolutely be warned in advance of purchase and commitment. Parts of the book are dorky 😐.
Given all of that.
This is FOR SURE a recommended read.
Particularly for therapists.
But also for non mental health professionals too.
I think the highlight of this text for me is Cozolino’s conceptualization of the “social synapse”.
Neuroscience identifies several ways neurons (special cells in your brain and nervous system) communicate.
One of the important ways neurons communicate is via passing chemical messages across a gap called a synapse.
The more messages that pass between neurons, the stronger the connections get. A process described in the ol’ Hebbiean chestnut: “neurons that fire together wire are together”.
Cozolino conceptualizes communication between people as a scaled up (or rather scale free) synaptic process whereby information (cognitive, emotional etc.) is passed from person (a) to person (b) across what he terms the “social synapse”.
The ‘relationship’ or ‘group’ or ‘network’ as big brain 🧠 metaphor is obviously an apt one (given the rise of the internet and all that). Which may sound de rigueur now a-days. But back when this book was written…not so much.
Cozolino and his interpersonal neurobiology crew (mainly Daniel Siegel, and Allan Schore) were (and still are) instrumental in birthing the new paradigm of neuroscience informed relational psychotherapy.
I think we will all be integrating their work as a field and culture for years and decades to come.
NOTE:
When I mentioned that this book is “dated and cringy”. I mean it in an affectionate way. Like calling something a ‘dad joke’, it’s not completely a diss. There is something very nurturing about dad jokes. This book is kind hearted and wise. The corny excerpts are essentially there to make this complicated and potentially foreboding information easily accessible.
So all is forgiven (in my mind anyway).
The end definitely just the means in this case.
4/5 stars ⭐️ (but as important a read as any 5/5 star ⭐️).
🧠🧪🫠
September 21, 2016
I will buy this book and keep it as reference. It is a good book for educators, parents, and anybody with interest... I found the examples provided at the end of the chapters especially helpful and also the explanations of how the brain works that were in plain English. The book can get a bit too technical and that's understandable since I got it from a friend who had the book as a required textbook. So, I simply passed quickly over the too technical information and sufficed with the rest.
I also appreciated the length and the broadness of the book; I think I will be reading parts of it again and again especially when I become a parent myself and it gave me insight and helped me gain more empathy for myself and others.
Highly recommended read!
I also appreciated the length and the broadness of the book; I think I will be reading parts of it again and again especially when I become a parent myself and it gave me insight and helped me gain more empathy for myself and others.
Highly recommended read!
December 21, 2013
This book by Dr. Cozolino answers that question that I pose to my graduate level stuents ever time I teach psychopathology and how to use the DSM 5. Similar to his other work (The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy: Building and Rebuilding the Human Brain), he does an excellent job clarify how the brain works, and how it ll relates to both environment and biology in forming personalities. Further this book does allow the reader to access what is often consider a “soft science” with research and more hard core data to back it up. Highly recommend!
October 2, 2019
This is a text book, no doubt about it. Its common thread is how different parts of the brain control differing functions in relationships. It is big on attachment and how it's security or insecurity at an early age form the ways we function in later relationships. The best parts of the book are the personal stories he uses to illustrate. As a renowned psychiatrist, he has obviously seen a lot. There is certainly a lot meat in the book. Sadly, almost every page credits evolution for the complexities of brain, body and mind. It amazes me how someone can see this complexity and believe it to be the result of chance over time. Such foolishness. The content of the book would be unchanged if God was acknowledged as the source of our creation as humans. But I guess he would lose credibility in the eyes of his peers.
April 5, 2017
A deceptively simple read, not quite "chatty", but close. Except after a while you realize he pretty much organizes the entire new field of 'neuropsychology' and describes pretty much _all_ the relevant research papers. It feels like this book references a whole handful of studies on every page (maybe it actually does - I didn't count closely). And the 'References' appendix is the hugest thing I've ever seen.
The idea that one man could more or less organize an entire new field of study is preposterous ...but here it is. The field of 'neuropsychology' springs from the idea that a better understanding of the structure and function of the physical brain can quite usefully inform psychiatry, and vice versa. There are lots of anecdotes from actual therapy sessions that make the whole premise seem quite reasonable; modifying the details of therapy depending on fMRI results makes a lot of sense here.
(Avoid misunderstanding the word 'Relationships' in the title as indicating this book is mostly about 'romantic relationships' [or the 'psychology of attraction', or whatever you call it]; that's not what the book is about.)
---------- on rereading 8 moths later ...
The idea of marrying brain science and psycotherapy to form neuropsychology, to the possibly considerable benefit of both, isn't quite as novel as I initially thought.
This book is indeed _my_ very first contact with the idea. And -so far as I know- this book is the first expression of the idea readily available to the general public (and that includes magazine articles.)
BUT -although the idea is indeed still uncommon in academia- it's _not_ totally novel there. Other probings in the field have been going on for perhaps a decade. The general public can even use 'Google' to find a few related research reports on the Internet. And just looking at the titles of the contributors of back jacket blurbs to this particular book should make it clear there's some other activity in the new field.
Also, after reading a bunch of other things in related fields (although I didn't realize at the time they were related), I had much more context and so I comprehended a whole lot more of this book. I'm amazed just how compressed this book is ...without "feeling" at all formal or difficult or pretentious. And I'm amazed at how much I totally missed -without even realizing it- on my first reading.
(I suspect my stubborn refusal to really learn the names and histories of different sections of the brain means I'm _still_ missing a significant portion of what's here. But that's life:-)
The idea that one man could more or less organize an entire new field of study is preposterous ...but here it is. The field of 'neuropsychology' springs from the idea that a better understanding of the structure and function of the physical brain can quite usefully inform psychiatry, and vice versa. There are lots of anecdotes from actual therapy sessions that make the whole premise seem quite reasonable; modifying the details of therapy depending on fMRI results makes a lot of sense here.
(Avoid misunderstanding the word 'Relationships' in the title as indicating this book is mostly about 'romantic relationships' [or the 'psychology of attraction', or whatever you call it]; that's not what the book is about.)
---------- on rereading 8 moths later ...
The idea of marrying brain science and psycotherapy to form neuropsychology, to the possibly considerable benefit of both, isn't quite as novel as I initially thought.
This book is indeed _my_ very first contact with the idea. And -so far as I know- this book is the first expression of the idea readily available to the general public (and that includes magazine articles.)
BUT -although the idea is indeed still uncommon in academia- it's _not_ totally novel there. Other probings in the field have been going on for perhaps a decade. The general public can even use 'Google' to find a few related research reports on the Internet. And just looking at the titles of the contributors of back jacket blurbs to this particular book should make it clear there's some other activity in the new field.
Also, after reading a bunch of other things in related fields (although I didn't realize at the time they were related), I had much more context and so I comprehended a whole lot more of this book. I'm amazed just how compressed this book is ...without "feeling" at all formal or difficult or pretentious. And I'm amazed at how much I totally missed -without even realizing it- on my first reading.
(I suspect my stubborn refusal to really learn the names and histories of different sections of the brain means I'm _still_ missing a significant portion of what's here. But that's life:-)
October 1, 2016
“The pain she felt seemed sufficient penance for her inadequacies, allowing her a few days of relief from shame. As I came to know her, I could see that she was always on trial; everyone was judging her, every comment became a condemnation, every gesture was a clue to her inevitable abandonment. Sasha had taken in her past experiences as a child: They had shaped her brain, and now she projected them into everything and everyone. Mantaining a positive connection with her felt like defusing a bomb with the timer rapidly working its way to zero”.
“The problem is that the amygdala has a great memory, loves to generalize, and is always adding to the things to avoid list”.
Knowledge is power!
“The problem is that the amygdala has a great memory, loves to generalize, and is always adding to the things to avoid list”.
Knowledge is power!
February 28, 2013
WOW. What a read. I got this from the library and read this book in FULL. This book kept my attention and it goes into the development of the brain. Why can't we remember our 1st bday or being 6 months old? Well that part of our brain is not fully developed yet. Perhaps it is a good thing we don't remember being in the crib at 8 months old. I want to own this book it is so good. I want his other book too The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy. I think that book is older than this one.
January 4, 2008
Amazing assessment of attachment and development and it's implications for adults and children alike!
February 15, 2013
This book revolutionized the way I view both psychotherapy and medication. The brain truly is a social organ - manipulated and changed by our interactions, and vice versa.
Read
August 20, 2013A comprehensive nd interesting survey of the brain and its application to social psychology. Includes some interesting and relevant case studies that illustrate the points.
April 16, 2022
Much better than The Body Keeps the Score.
May 14, 2020
I FINALLY FINISHED IT!
I absolutely LOVED Cozolino's The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy so I was jazzed to start this one. Unfortunately I did not have the same engaged reading experience as I did with the other book. Although the content is interesting and Cozolino is very well read on these topics, it read very academic and focused heavily on content related to specific brain areas and less focused on how this plays out in the world and therapeutic settings. One reason I loved his other book was because he made an academic book accessible.
Despite not loving the delivery of the content in this book, it is still a great read. Would recommend to folks interested in neuroscience, the functionality of specific brain regions, and how those brain regions influence behavior/relationships/attachment in the world.
I absolutely LOVED Cozolino's The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy so I was jazzed to start this one. Unfortunately I did not have the same engaged reading experience as I did with the other book. Although the content is interesting and Cozolino is very well read on these topics, it read very academic and focused heavily on content related to specific brain areas and less focused on how this plays out in the world and therapeutic settings. One reason I loved his other book was because he made an academic book accessible.
Despite not loving the delivery of the content in this book, it is still a great read. Would recommend to folks interested in neuroscience, the functionality of specific brain regions, and how those brain regions influence behavior/relationships/attachment in the world.
September 18, 2022
As an attachent focussed and neurobiology and evolution informed therapist, his book was right up my alley.
It both confirmed and explained where what happens in the brain of what I have explored about attachment, developmental and other trauma, the importance of feeling safe, the development of a Self . . .
Just magnificent. Dense with information and I'll definitely have to refer back to it, but very valuable. I just loved it!
But I did mention that I am a total junkie for this kind of stuff. . . This man is going to cost me a lot of money 🙈😅
It both confirmed and explained where what happens in the brain of what I have explored about attachment, developmental and other trauma, the importance of feeling safe, the development of a Self . . .
Just magnificent. Dense with information and I'll definitely have to refer back to it, but very valuable. I just loved it!
But I did mention that I am a total junkie for this kind of stuff. . . This man is going to cost me a lot of money 🙈😅
November 10, 2025
Such a well written, easy to read and informative book on the neurobiology of human relationships. I love the interpersonal neurobiological perspective and find his accounts of his time spent in Japan studying under a Buddhist teacher insightful and love that he brings this to the Western psychology coversation. I really appreciate how easy to read this book is, it is not at all written in a boring textbook style but I still learned a lot. I also appreciate the case studies. Very helpful and again, very well written.
October 20, 2024
Surprisingly bad. In theory this should have been a great book -- a fusion of science and author's clinical experience. In practice it reads like a regurgitation of Wikipedia articles with some nominal case-studies.
December 1, 2025
A little older (2006) but chock full of neurological and embodied connections to our experience as humans in relationship and made for relationship. Insightful and somewhat “evolution obsessed” is how I would describe this book. Lots of highlights and unnecessary stories about monkeys.
April 5, 2018
This was a really excellent book in the Norton Interpersonal Neurobiology series.
August 4, 2021
A wonderful display of research skills coupled with convincing case studies to give you a book that can be savoured by any neuroscience enthusiast.
November 9, 2021
Good read as an intro. Since I knew a lot, I ended up skimming a lot of the book
November 4, 2024
Academic and fascinating.
May 16, 2025
Just so amazing
October 29, 2025
dense, but so enlightening
December 25, 2025
A very nerdy book almost like a text book, requires tremendous effort and concentration to go through it. The main take though: as modern human beings we have these two automatic and implicit processes, projection, and anxiety that automatically and unconsciously shape our experiences of the world. Self-awareness is an evolutionary frontier that stretches ahead of us a second evolutionary frontier relates to anxiety evolution has shaped the fear response to help animals stay alive.
March 4, 2021
I highly recommend this work of Dr. Louis Cozolino. I've revisited the book now several times. And as I grow in working with people, in supporting their life-work and healing - I see the relevance of each chapter, and the way he has organized his insights.
The cortical regions that he elaborates on that have been particularly effective for me: have to do with how he reviews the role of the Vagal Nerve System (called the 10th cranial nerve), the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis, and the way the development of all regions of the brain and soma from optimal relational experiences of care-giving, transforms the vagal tone and the regulation of the HPA axis to secrete the endorphins required for our sense of flourishing...
The book is persuasive about our social brain and how much it relies on rich emotional relationships, where the individual feels "seen" and cared for. Cozolino, uses anatomical areas of the brain - particularly dimensions of the limbic region and temporal lobe: the amygdala, the hippocampus, the insula, the hypothalamus and the OMPFC (the orbito-medial-prefrontal cortex) - and their role in registering emotion, memories, motivation, attention and inhibiting aggression - that are all so necessary for constructive social experiences.
This book is a vital companion for the counsel I offer on Emotional Intelligence - highly recommended. Along with Antonio Damasio's books, Richard Davidson's work, Daniel Goleman's ground breaking propositions on the role of self-knowledge in developing Emotional Intelligence, Mathieu Ricard's work on Altruism and... - this book fits into that lineage or bibliography perfectly, (for me).
The cortical regions that he elaborates on that have been particularly effective for me: have to do with how he reviews the role of the Vagal Nerve System (called the 10th cranial nerve), the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis, and the way the development of all regions of the brain and soma from optimal relational experiences of care-giving, transforms the vagal tone and the regulation of the HPA axis to secrete the endorphins required for our sense of flourishing...
The book is persuasive about our social brain and how much it relies on rich emotional relationships, where the individual feels "seen" and cared for. Cozolino, uses anatomical areas of the brain - particularly dimensions of the limbic region and temporal lobe: the amygdala, the hippocampus, the insula, the hypothalamus and the OMPFC (the orbito-medial-prefrontal cortex) - and their role in registering emotion, memories, motivation, attention and inhibiting aggression - that are all so necessary for constructive social experiences.
This book is a vital companion for the counsel I offer on Emotional Intelligence - highly recommended. Along with Antonio Damasio's books, Richard Davidson's work, Daniel Goleman's ground breaking propositions on the role of self-knowledge in developing Emotional Intelligence, Mathieu Ricard's work on Altruism and... - this book fits into that lineage or bibliography perfectly, (for me).
September 5, 2011
I've been telling myself and other people to read this neurological approach to relationships (since, as most people know, I research love for a living - or at least a study), but haven't gotten around to it yet. Sigh. I think it's going to be my next book, come hell or high water.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews