Building a Non-Anxious Life

by John Delony (Author, Narrator)

"Why are my anxiety alarms going off all the time?"
"Why do I feel like I'm in an endless cycle of blame and anger and impatience?"
"Why are the people I love most melting down around me?"

No one needs to be told that our lives are filled with more anxiety than ever before. We know it. Our bodies can feel it. The questions we really need to answer are "Why?" and "Is there anything we can do about it?"

Dr. John Delony decided to get to the root of the issue by mapping out a plan to understand where our anxiety is coming from and the actions we can take to change it (because he's been there too). Over the past 20 years, he's learned through research, personal experience, and walking alongside countless others that there are six daily choices people have to make to create a non-anxious life:

* Choosing reality.
* Choosing connection.
* Choosing freedom.
* Choosing health and healing.
* Choosing mindfulness.
* Choosing belief.

In this no-nonsense, straightforward approach to mental health, John will break down exactly what each choice means and how to start making it on a daily basis.

Now, here's the truth: Those choices aren't easy, and anxiety isn't going to magically disappear. But if you commit to building a non-anxious life, you'll be able to better respond to whatever life throws at you. You'll grow from hard challenges. You'll learn to find peace during chaos.

And you will learn to be well.

6 hrs. 9 min.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Psychology, Mental Health, Personal Development, Personal Growth

7 pages, Audible Audio

First published January 1, 2023

About the author

Dr. John Delony is a national bestselling author, mental health and wellness expert, and host of The Dr. John Delony Show. He holds two PhDs—one in counselor education and supervision, and another in higher education administration. Before joining Ramsey Solutions, John spent two decades working as a senior leader, researcher, and professor at multiple universities. He also spent years working in crisis and emergency response. Now, as a Ramsey Personality, he teaches people how to reclaim their lives from the madness of the modern world.

John and his family reside in Franklin, Tennessee.

Reviews

[Jenny Bunting · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was fine. I did like the overall message that you should create a life that lowers your stress and pay attention to things that make you anxious--it might be a signal something needs to change. I just question what expertise this author has in anxiety management. Yes, he is a doctor, but it appears those Phds are education-based, not medicine-based. It is a smidge misleading whenever he mentions his degrees. I'm also weary of anyone affiliated with Dave Ramsey, since he has a history of hiring people who are good talkers, but their messages are shallow. I'm still skeptical, but I think this book can be helpful.

One thing I couldn't get on board with--Delony alludes that anxiety is an alarm system and it only goes off when there's a fire. Um, some of us (including myself) have irrational triggers and anxiety and our alarm systems lie to us. While I do believe in creating a life that lowers your triggers to stress, it would've also been beneficial to include how to manage the symptoms, because those are sometimes present without a trigger.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was DNF for me. I tried to stick it out but this book honestly made my anxiety substantially worse while listening to it. It’s just repeated lists of all the things that can go wrong and all the incorrect ways you can deal with them over and over before he starts giving vague solutions. There have to be better books out there if you’re looking to learn anxiety management.

[Julia Finnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite enjoyed this book. A simple read with hard challenges. The book is not about how to manage with the alarm bells of our anxiety but about how to address the reason those alarm bells are going off. I thoroughly appreciated how the author wrote in a non clinical way that I think everyone can understand. Dr. Delony was also more vulnerable in the book than I expected.

[January · Rating 5 out of 5]

Building a Non-Anxious Life by John Delony
6h 9m narrated by the author, 223 pages

Genre: Self-Help, Mental Health

Featuring: Anxiety, Rumination and Worry, Perfectionism, Grief, Redirecting Your Focus From the Fire Alarm to the Fire, Six Daily Choices, Boundaries - Henry Cloud & John Townsend and Nedra Glover Tawwab, James Clear, Dave Ramsey, Compassion, Delutter, Thoughts Journaling, Nutrition, Sleep, Transparency

Rating as a movie: PG

Songs for the soundtrack: "We Didn’t Start the Fire" by Billy Joel, "Stand by Me" by Ben E. King

My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟😌

My thoughts: The audiobook is missing The Forward by Dave Ramsey. This was a really meaningful read and quick. Lots of good coping methods and ideologies.

Recommend to others: Yes x 100! This book is fantastic.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook and it was really good! I want to go back and actually read it and do the activities it’s suggests.

Apparently, I need to apply a lot of this to my life!

[Lia Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really insightful. As someone with anxiety this book was really helpful in learning how to diminish my fight or flight response.

I also appreciate that even though the author is religious there wasn’t any “pray the anxiety away” and for the most part there was little mention of religion.

Would definitely recommend to people who are experiencing anxiety regularly.

[Madison Dick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parts of this book were really good & helpful. Other chapters I thought were uninspiring. Overall, the author gives some helpful suggestions for coping for anxiety. Anxiety is a popular subject that is sometimes used as an excuse for terrible habits or poor behavior. I appreciate John’s attempt to help people understand “the why” behind their anxiety and give them strategies to live worry-free.

[Namito Yokota · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books ever. Instead of a book filled with neuroscience, psychology, plus a lot of statistics, John did a great job offering possibilities on why you feel anxious and what it means. The guide to a non-anxious life with practice steps and disciples were eye opening and would recommend this book to anyone looking to help or struggling with any kind of anxieties.

[Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

3-4 stars.
The Good - I agree with basically everything he said, including the role of belief (and I’m saying that as an atheist). His defining of anxiety as an alarm, not an identity, and the action steps made sense to me. Seeing everything laid out and how each factor connects to others, how they all need constant attention to counter the toxic culture we live in, generally good stuff and useful.
Not So Much - I didn’t love the writing style - it was a bit too conversational. I probably would’ve preferred to listen to this as an audiobook (although the summaries at the end of each chapter would’ve been annoying to listen to) and the footnotes drove me a bit crazy - half academic citations, half smart ass jokes, never really knew which you were getting (more annoying on kindle I suspect).
Quick read though, and I think helpful.

[Sam Retherford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really liked it!

This book defines that anxiety is the smoke alarm in our lives, that things are wrong/ not as they should be. It doesn't really follow the whole 'everything will be okay' or 'pray more' advice that some books offer, but more of 'you are anxious because you are not addressing issues in your life' idea.

Super humbling to read, and offers plenty of space for personal inventory on different areas of our lives- like finances, relationships, identity, etc.

Super practical, and challenged me a ton! Choosing the hard path is necessary for freedom.

[Charmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

HIGHLIGHTS:
1. ANXIETY IS AN ALARM:
- Anxiety is not a disease, it is an alarm.
- Medication addresses the SYMPTOMS, not the cause.
- The alarm system is too loud.

2. CHOOSE REALITY:
- Face down your reality and get honest.
- Our brains are chasing solutions to unsolvable problems.
- Rationally irrational.

3. CHOOSE FINANCIAL FREEDOM:
- Anxiety is the fantasy of “one day”

4. CHOOSE MINDFULNESS:
- Wait in between thoughts and feelings

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful, solid research base (a few too many long quotes) - a bit repetitive. Worth the effort but only as good as your willingness to implement some of his ideas.

[Manuela Muz · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. Didn’t enjoy the very closed minded view on anxiety.

[Rachael Lischak · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would describe this book as a field manual to creating a balanced life. John Deloney has a special way of writing that is like talking with your smartest friend about a topic they are passionate about.I would recommend this book to anyone struggling with healing their mind body and soul in this modern world.

[Madison Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is easily the best book I’ve read as far as self help goes. The author gave real life examples and realistic application while also being well researched. Not only does he draw on the research of others, he himself is a professional and talks about his personal experience with anxiety.

[Jessie DeLoach · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Anxiety isn’t the problem. Anxiety is just the alarm system letting people know things are off the rails. People have created very anxious lives, and their bodies are trying to get their attention.”

[Sofia · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was pretty good, some things I knew from being in therapy but other things I thought were really helpful. My favorite sections were choosing connection and choosing the hard path.

[Rob Brock · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for a book club, and I went into the book with a degree of skepticism. Despite some of my reservations, and the cultural and political biases that unwittingly seeped through at times, I was pleasantly if cautiously surprised by the book. The author suggests that it is helpful not to think of anxiety as an identity or as something to overcome, but instead to view it as an alarm signal that something more fundamental is not in balance in our lives. The author contends that anxiety medications can be very important to manage the alarms and our body's response, but that it is possible to let anxiety become a habit, then an addiction, then an identity, and that process does not provide a helpful way forward. Instead, he suggests that we begin with habits of mindfulness and focus on daily choices that prioritize the things that bring balance to our lives and address the underlying conditions that lead to anxiety. I acually found several of the ideas and admonitions helpful, and I suspect many people will be encouraged and empowered by this book.

[Jenny Schroeder · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many profound, challenging, and insightful things in this book. I have been on all sides of the mental health conversation and this book doesn’t play into what I call society’s “toxic mental health” culture, where everyone is a victim and your mental health diagnosis is celebrated and normalized. One of the earlier chapters in this book that talks about the problems with medically diagnosing anxiety and how this pushes people down a path where anxiety becomes part of their identity deeply resonated with me. This hardly ever helps anyone to get better. The worst thing that happened with my mental health is getting medically diagnosed with depression by a doctor. I wish I had read this book during that time. I love so many of Delony’s practical methods of setting boundaries, being mindful of rewiring destructive thought patterns, and as cheesy as it sounds, choosing the reality and life that we want. This is a book I will refer back to many times in the future.

[Kelly S · Rating 1 out of 5]

My main problem with this book is that Delony confuses actual anxiety with chronic stress. I don't care how many letters come after his name or how he attempts to establish ethos by using himself as an example - there is a HUGE difference between the two.

My other problems are his tendency to list every worst case scenario - which I'm already fighting against with every fiber of my being - and his overuse of trite nuggets of wisdom people dole out to anxiety sufferers on the daily (let go and let God! If it's not happening, don't think about it!) - but rebranded as some new idea. These things DO NOT work for a clinically anxious person. However, if you're struggling with chronic stress - NOT clinical anxiety - he has some interesting points

[Alex Parham · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really don’t understand how this book is so highly rated. Full of cute but useless anecdotes and largely all over the place, this book is as nebulous as a philosopher who loves to hear himself speak. it is without any concrete advice to actually wade through one’s anxiety, extremely small minded (“you can live without anxiety if you just pay your debt off”…..what?!), and chock full of what makes me think the author is highly, highly insecure (despite his attempt at “charming” self deprecation). While I don’t judge him for that in any sense, I question his ability to advise any group of people on any mental health issues.

[Kaitlyn Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was not very impressed with this book. Basically, the key to living a non anxious life is to: eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of sleep, have friends, family & religious community, and be honest with yourself about your flaws and bad habits.

What differentiates this book from every other self-help book out there? Nothing as far as I can tell.

I’m giving it 2 stars because I ultimately agree with the authors argument, but only 2 because it is entirely unoriginal in an extremely oversaturated genre.

[Megan Alford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book publishes next week. I read an advanced reader’s copy.
John gives a very simple (albeit it challenging) model to follow for keeping anxiety at bay. He defines six choices we can make DAILY that will improve our quality of life. He does this with humor and deep insights from his years of experience and his own personal journey.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you struggle with anxiety, this book is for you. I highlighted SO much of it and honestly it’s incredible helpful because his advice is real. It’s not super clinical- it’s just a collection of helpful steps that anyone can take to reduce their anxiety. So much of what he said, as simple as it was, made me go, wow! Love this book and highly recommend it

[Ashley Coffman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Honestly, I feel more stressed than I was when I started the book.

[Shan O’Donnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many good points!
Had the privilege of being a Belmont student when dr deloney was the dean of students, and was so impressed by him- I knew I had to give his book a shot. I chose audio book for this one because it was narrated by him and I’ve known him to be a phenomenal speaker and storyteller.

I enjoyed the research present in this. How many other experts he included in this. I enjoyed the chapter breakdowns and found them to be easily absorbed.

Some points that will stick with me-
- [ ] Anxiety is simply a smoke defector going off. We can live with the beep, we can take out the batteries, we can leave the home, but there’s a fire somewhere. Anxiety is alerting us to a deeper problem, it is the bodies response. Not the problem.
- [ ] No one is an atheist, we are all worshipping something, where does our time go
- [ ] If you were stuck in your current places what would you do differently in life- if you had to go to the same church job school friends etc and didn’t have the knowledge that you could leave what conversations would you have you aren’t currently having
- [ ] Nobody argues the benefit of exercise

I appreciated his caveat of over simplification and understanding of how trauma may impact our ability to end age in mindfulness. My only dislike was that similar to some church sermons it felt like each chapter had so many “”maybe you’re going through __” hoping to make the reader feel convicted and connected which to me seems a tad disingenuous, but even then? Didn’t take away from all the positives as I know some people need many examples to truly visualize

[Tatum · Rating 4 out of 5]

a good read. he takes a more methodical and logical approach in explaining his perspective (which I appreciate), and has a more critical mindset to the topic as a whole (also appreciated this, most anxiety related books are very woe-is-me). I don’t think this would appeal to everyone dealing with stress and anxiety but it was very helpful for me

[Clara W. · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5 stars

I’m not a huge self-help person, but I’d imagine if you were looking for a book about anxiety, this would be a good read. Someone loaned me a copy and I’m glad I read it—definitely some good gems, but most of those were only in the latter half of the book for me.

[Tammy Hendren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good book with a lot of common sense reminders of things most of us probably already know. He put it in a really simple and effective way. Well this isn’t a Christian book, there are definitely spiritual overtones all over it that are relevant for Christians

[Nicole Coretti · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Anxiety isn’t the problem. Anxiety is just the alarm system letting people know things are off the rails. People have created very anxious lives, and their bodies are trying to get their attention.”

This quote is the crux of this whole book. As someone who suffers from anxiety, I was hoping this book would help me figure out where to start my journey to getting into a healthier headspace. It's easy to get caught up in life and be stuck in a negative headspace where you feel as though everything is against you.
I truly learned a lot from this book. It broke down how to tackle each day into 6 categories, making things seem more manageable. I will be using the resources and tips from this book probably for the rest of my life and I truly cannot recommend this book enough to people who suffer from anxiety or people who care for those who suffer from it.

“Anxiety is not the problem. The problem is that we are unsafe, disconnected, unhealthy, and living like we have no say in what happens next.”