Triveni

by Gulzar, Neha R. Krishna (Translator)

In Triveni are birds perched on branches, moonstruck musings, a house of straws, walking roses and unbridled desires of the heart. The poems are inhabited by lost lovers, unreturned books and bloodsucking rumours. A poetic form unique to Gulzar, Triveni is a confluence of three of India’s majestic rivers—the golden-hued Ganges, the deep green Yamuna and a third, the mythical one that lies beneath the former two, the Saraswati.
A form Gulzar began experimenting with in the 1960s, Triveni comes close to several classical Japanese forms of poetry such as the Haiku, Senryu and Tanka. The closest Indian forms to Triveni are the doha and shayari. In this stunning translation by Neha R. Krishna, Triveni have been transcreated as tanka and are ladled with musicality, breaking away from the charm of rhyme and metre. This collection, too, is a confluence or sangam of forms and nothing short of a gift from one of India’s most beloved poets.

60 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 30, 2023

Reviews

[The Biblioraptor (Ankit) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading poetry, to me, is like finding and correctly (or incorrectly) placing the pieces of a puzzle to form a whole. In the vast expanse of literature, experimental poetry emerges as a realm where poets dare to defy conventions and explore uncharted territories of linguistic and emotional landscapes. Out of this vast and varied corpus of experimental poetry that stems from numerous feats of literary acrobatics, Gulzar’s Triveni stands out both in the original and the transcreated versions.

Gulzar, a maestro of his craft, has always painted vivid images with his verses. In "Triveni," he uses a form of poetry of the same name, which is of his own devise. It consists of a couplet and a singular line, where, akin to a Shakespearean sonnet, it discusses an image in the first couplet and in the concluding line makes an unexpected contextual revelation.

“Triveni ends revealing the hidden thought, which changes the perspective or extends the thought of the couplet.”

But why call it ‘Triveni’? Quoting Gulzar himself:

“The name Triveni refers to the confluence of three distinct streams or rivers at Prayag. The deep green waters of Jamuna meet the golden Ganga and hidden from view is the mythical Saraswati flowing quietly beneath.

‘Triveni’ is to reveal ‘Saraswati’ poetically.”

Neha R. Krishna, the translator/transcreator of "Triveni," takes a distinct approach to interpreting Gulzar’s poetic form. She dissects Triveni and reconstructs it in alignment with the aesthetics of Japanese Tanka poetry, in line with the concepts of Yūgen and Wabi-Sabi. Tanka is the form of Japanese poetry written with the following patterns of “on” (the equivalent of syllables per unit line):

5–7–5–7–7

For example, see famous modern Tanka poet Yosano Akiko’s following work:

その子二十 櫛にながるる 黒髪の おごりの春の うつくしきかな

Romanised:

Sono ko hatachi/ Kushi ni nagaruru/ Kuro kami no/ Ogori no haru no/ Utsukushiki kana

English translation:

That girl, now twenty,

As seen in the black hair

That flows smoothly through her comb

She is in the arrogant spring

And so beautiful

The 5–7–5 or “Kami-no-ku” (upper phase) often initiates an image, and 7–7 or “shimi-no-ku” (lower phase) concludes it or provides an added perspective. This poetic device is termed “link and shift,” as one image, or one aspect of an image, is linked to another in one of many ways, bringing about a shift in the perspective.

Here is an example from the book that shows the contrast between Gulzar’s original verses and Krishna’s transcreated ones:

Gulzar’s original:

जंगल से गुज़रते थे तो कभी बस्ती भी कहीं मिल जाती थी

अब बस्ती में कोई पेड़ नज़र आ जाये तो जी भर आता है


दीवार पे सब्ज़ा देखके अब याद आता है, पहले जंगल था।


Translation by Neha R. Krishna:

while crossing the jungle

a hamlet sometimes appeared…

heart now brims to see a tree,

green grass on the wall

reminds — there was a jungle

At first glance, one is bound to feel that instead of the Tanka form, the “three-line Haiku” format would be a much better fit, retaining the three-line form and the images presented in the Triveni poems. This only seems valid until one realizes that the Haiku and the Tanka forms are of three and five lines respectively only when translated. Originally in Japanese, these are forms of poetry written in a single line, with varying syllable count. Evidently, in the Indian context, it is no different. Author and academic, Kyoko Niwa cites an instance where a native Bengali person refers to Haiku as “tin panktir kobita” (Bengali for “poem of three lines”), which stems from Rabindranath’s translation of Japanese Haiku poetry (Collected and published by Neelan Banerjee as "Knockings at my Heart").

Krishna’s creative choice of translating the Triveni poems into the Tanka form is both fascinating and thought-provoking. While one might initially consider the three-line Haiku format as a better fit, it becomes evident (from the aforementioned example) that both Haiku and Tanka are essentially forms of single-line poetry, originating from Japanese tradition. Additionally, the comparatively more coherent use of images of the Tanka form makes it all the more fitting.

That said, I feel that while Krishna’s transcreation offers a fresh take on Gulzar’s "Triveni," it also represents a missed opportunity for the Triveni form itself to reach a wider global audience. A more structurally congruent translation could have propelled the Triveni form into international recognition, fostering further poetic experimentation and innovation with the original format. Another notable absence in Krishna’s rendition is that of the contextualization of the Tanka form within the cultural and literary milieu of India. The ‘Tanka Doha,’ introduced by Kala Ramesh and inspired by Kabir’s poetry, and which in turn has inspired the current endeavour of Krishna, reimagines the Japanese form through an Indian lens, reflecting a seamless fusion of cultural and literary values. In this rendition of Triveni, however, such contextualization remains largely unexplored, presenting an opportunity for future creative endeavours.

The format of the book, presenting both Gulzar’s original verses and Krishna’s translation side by side, provides readers with a unique opportunity to take a deep dive into Triveni. Therefore, while Gulzar’s original remains a preferable starting point for enthusiasts of Hindi poetry, Krishna’s transcreation offers an accessible entry point for readers seeking to explore the richness and diversity of Indian literary traditions.

"Triveni" stands as a testament to Gulzar’s poetic genius and Neha R. Krishna’s creative prowess. While the transcreation may not fully capture the essence of the original, it opens doors to new interpretations and dialogues, enriching the landscape of experimental poetry with its innovative approach

[Yuthika · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the words penned by Gulzar. A valiant attempt at translating them in Haiku style by Neha Krishna.