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Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are
Tired of guessing what they’re
really
thinking? Read people in every situation—in person, on a screen, or in writing—using the new science of psycholinguistics, from a
New York Times
bestselling author and consultant to the FBI, CIA, and NSA.
“A treasure trove of concepts, ideas, and tools that we can all master to be safer and happier. It’s a must-read!”—Joe Navarro, author of Dangerous Personalities
What did your boss mean in that email? Is your mechanic stretching the truth? Whether you’re engaged in a casual conversation or a high-stakes negotiation, it’s critical to understand the subtext of a situation. But with so much interaction happening on screens—via email, texts, or video chat—we are losing the ability to interpret expressions and cues. Furthermore, since many are now savvy about the meaning of body language, it’s become even harder to discern someone’s true thoughts or intentions.
A leading lie-detection expert who instructs the FBI and other security agencies, noted psychotherapist David Lieberman, PhD, takes “people reading” to a whole new level. Drawing on the latest research in psycholinguistics—the cues embedded in spoken and written speech—he shows you how to apply his cutting-edge methods to countless everyday situations,
Detecting the messaging behind passive language, personal or impersonal descriptions, and level of detail. Determining whether someone’s account of any incident is the truth or a work of fiction. Finding out whether a potential hire, dating app match, or new babysitter is trustworthy or hiding something. Nobody wants to be played a fool. Mindreader will help us identify who can be trusted, and who may be out to get us.
“A treasure trove of concepts, ideas, and tools that we can all master to be safer and happier. It’s a must-read!”—Joe Navarro, author of Dangerous Personalities
What did your boss mean in that email? Is your mechanic stretching the truth? Whether you’re engaged in a casual conversation or a high-stakes negotiation, it’s critical to understand the subtext of a situation. But with so much interaction happening on screens—via email, texts, or video chat—we are losing the ability to interpret expressions and cues. Furthermore, since many are now savvy about the meaning of body language, it’s become even harder to discern someone’s true thoughts or intentions.
A leading lie-detection expert who instructs the FBI and other security agencies, noted psychotherapist David Lieberman, PhD, takes “people reading” to a whole new level. Drawing on the latest research in psycholinguistics—the cues embedded in spoken and written speech—he shows you how to apply his cutting-edge methods to countless everyday situations,
Detecting the messaging behind passive language, personal or impersonal descriptions, and level of detail. Determining whether someone’s account of any incident is the truth or a work of fiction. Finding out whether a potential hire, dating app match, or new babysitter is trustworthy or hiding something. Nobody wants to be played a fool. Mindreader will help us identify who can be trusted, and who may be out to get us.
Audible Audio
First published August 16, 2022
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About the author
David J. Lieberman
44 books298 followersDavid J. Lieberman, PhD, is a renowned psychotherapist and the author of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates.
He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, and The View.
He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, and The View.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 175 reviews
October 5, 2022
"I will introduce you to the most advanced, cutting-edge methods in profiling people, which will give you near-telepathic abilities. In any situation—from a casual conversation to an in-depth negotiation—you will find what people really think and feel, regardless of what they claim..."
With such a lofty promise, I was eager to see where the author would take this writing. Fortunately, I did enjoy most of the content covered here, although the above quote is perhaps a tad hyperbolic...
Author David J. Lieberman, PhD, is a psychotherapist and the writer of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates.
David J. Lieberman:
Lieberman opens the book with a good intro; getting the writing off on a good foot. He has an engaging style that's clear and to the point. Good stuff. I can't stand overly verbose writing that drones on and on. Additionally, the book was short enough to hold the reader's attention fairly effectively; with the audio version clocking in at light ~6hrs, 30mins.
He cautions against a definitive "surface read" of someone based on a singular interaction or event - or even a few indicators or events. He elaborates:
There's some super-interesting content here, so I'll share just a few more quotes. The way people use and frame language is a central piece of the puzzle here, as well, says Lieberman:
He talks about confirmation bias here. We're all guilty of it; to one degree or another:
Some more of what he covers includes:
• Lie detecting
• Game theory
• Building a psychological profile
• Sociopaths vs. psychopaths
• Relationships
• Violence, suicide
If I were to find fault with this book, I would opine that the quote at the start of this review wrote a cheque that the writing here could not cash...
As well, the practice of "reading" and/or "profiling" people is notoriously fraught with inherent inaccuracies, signal-to-noise problems, and generalizations that are inapplicable to many real-world conditions. Indeed, the entire field of profiling has been attacked by many as pseudoscience, and (IIRC), is no more accurate than random chance...
Malcolm Gladwell's 2019 book "Talking to Strangers" takes a more in-depth look into these issues. I would recommend Gladwell's book as an addendum to any readers of this book.
**********************
As previously mentioned; this was a good book. It was also short enough to not bore the reader to tears.
Lots of interesting stuff here; although I'm not sure how much of it is 1) accurate, 2) supported by empirical data, and 3) actionable.
I would still recommend this one to anyone interested.
4 stars.
With such a lofty promise, I was eager to see where the author would take this writing. Fortunately, I did enjoy most of the content covered here, although the above quote is perhaps a tad hyperbolic...
Author David J. Lieberman, PhD, is a psychotherapist and the writer of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates.
David J. Lieberman:
Lieberman opens the book with a good intro; getting the writing off on a good foot. He has an engaging style that's clear and to the point. Good stuff. I can't stand overly verbose writing that drones on and on. Additionally, the book was short enough to hold the reader's attention fairly effectively; with the audio version clocking in at light ~6hrs, 30mins.
He cautions against a definitive "surface read" of someone based on a singular interaction or event - or even a few indicators or events. He elaborates:
"Mindreader covers brand-new ground and relies little on age-old, outdated body language signs and signals. Many experts, for example, claim that crossed arms and legs suggest defensiveness or disagreement. While this interpretation is not technically wrong, you will get a lot of false positives if your subject is seated in a cold room in a chair without an armrest. And yes, little or no direct eye contact is a classic sign of deception.
But the bad guys already know this, so unless your subject is a five-year-old caught with his hand in an actual cookie jar, you’ll need more sophisticated tactics. More chillingly, how do you accurately read a psychotic person who believes his own lies? Or a sociopath who looks you straight in the eyes and swears up and down on a stack of Bibles that he’s telling the truth?
..So what does work? The techniques I’ll teach you herein draw from multiple disciplines—I teach these methods to the FBI’s elite Behavioral Analysis Unit, the CIA, the NSA, almost every branch of the U.S. military, and law enforcement agencies around the world. All you have to do is pay attention to a few key elements, which will unveil a near-magical magnifying glass into a person’s state of mind, his thoughts and feelings, and, most valuably, the degree of his integrity and emotional health."
There's some super-interesting content here, so I'll share just a few more quotes. The way people use and frame language is a central piece of the puzzle here, as well, says Lieberman:
"Let’s take the everyday example of giving a compliment. A woman who believes what she’s saying is more likely to use a personal pronoun—for instance, “I really liked your presentation,” or “I loved what you said in the meeting.” However, a person offering insincere flattery might choose to say
“Nice presentation” or “Looks like you did a lot of research.” In the second case, she has removed herself from the equation entirely. Those in law enforcement are well acquainted with this principle and recognize when people are filing a false report about their car being stolen because they typically refer to it as “the car” or “that car” and not “my car” or “our car.”
Of course, you can’t gauge a person’s honesty by a single sentence, but it’s the first clue..."
He talks about confirmation bias here. We're all guilty of it; to one degree or another:
"People tend to find whatever they’re looking for and see what they expect to see. Always on the lookout for corroborating evidence that proves us right, we turn a blind eye to any evidence that doesn’t conform to our expectations. This is a phenomenon known as confirmation bias. We home in on what confirms our thinking, and we subconsciously filter out inconsistencies.
When confirmation bias is at work, the evidence arranges itself—almost mystically—into ready-labeled patterns. This is part of the neurobiological process the brain uses to make sense of the world. Our brains basically make files, just as we do on our computers. In our brains, this categorization falls under the umbrella of mental shortcuts, called heuristics. These shortcuts allow us to process the world without making independent decisions every time we choose. Imagine if we had to solve every single problem from scratch, from how to operate the coffee maker to how to get to work. We’d never get anything done. Mental shortcuts save the day."
Some more of what he covers includes:
• Lie detecting
• Game theory
• Building a psychological profile
• Sociopaths vs. psychopaths
• Relationships
• Violence, suicide
If I were to find fault with this book, I would opine that the quote at the start of this review wrote a cheque that the writing here could not cash...
As well, the practice of "reading" and/or "profiling" people is notoriously fraught with inherent inaccuracies, signal-to-noise problems, and generalizations that are inapplicable to many real-world conditions. Indeed, the entire field of profiling has been attacked by many as pseudoscience, and (IIRC), is no more accurate than random chance...
Malcolm Gladwell's 2019 book "Talking to Strangers" takes a more in-depth look into these issues. I would recommend Gladwell's book as an addendum to any readers of this book.
**********************
As previously mentioned; this was a good book. It was also short enough to not bore the reader to tears.
Lots of interesting stuff here; although I'm not sure how much of it is 1) accurate, 2) supported by empirical data, and 3) actionable.
I would still recommend this one to anyone interested.
4 stars.
July 28, 2024
Nu confunda dorința cu dragostea. Atunci când dorim pe cineva sau ceva, ne gândim la ce poate face persoana sau lucrul respectiv pentru noi. Când iubim, însă, ne gândim doar la ceea ce putem oferi noi altcuiva.
March 8, 2024
Vorbaraie multa, informatie putina!
Cartea este jalnica si va rog sa ma credeți pe cuvant! Nu vreau sa par dur sau rau din anumite privinte, dar fix asa este.
Nu am reusit sa citesc intreaga carte, pentru ca fizic si psihic e imposibil, simti cum iti bubuie mintea cand la final de capitol nu ajungi la niciun consens.
Ca in foarte multe carti de tipul acesta, nu găsești nimic din ceea ce ti se promite, ci foarte multă palavrageala ce transforma lectura in cel mai obositor lucru posibil.
Personal nu recomand aceasta carte nimanui, eventual pentru aprins focul la tara pe la bunici..
Cartea este jalnica si va rog sa ma credeți pe cuvant! Nu vreau sa par dur sau rau din anumite privinte, dar fix asa este.
Nu am reusit sa citesc intreaga carte, pentru ca fizic si psihic e imposibil, simti cum iti bubuie mintea cand la final de capitol nu ajungi la niciun consens.
Ca in foarte multe carti de tipul acesta, nu găsești nimic din ceea ce ti se promite, ci foarte multă palavrageala ce transforma lectura in cel mai obositor lucru posibil.
Personal nu recomand aceasta carte nimanui, eventual pentru aprins focul la tara pe la bunici..
October 25, 2022
El libro en sí esta bueno... para gente normal, pero la mayoría de las red flags de gente de la que te tienes que cuidar se empalman con cosas que hacen (hacemos) adultos en el espectro autista cuando no están (estamos) enmascarando su (nuestro) comportamiento.
September 1, 2022
Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are by David J. Lieberman, PhD
6h 33m narrated by Sean Pratt , 240 pages Hardcover
Genre: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self-Help
Featuring: Reading People, Subconscious Reveals, Secret of Pronouns, Associative Objects, Status and Power, Human Lie Detector, Self Referral Statements, Bluffs, Cons, Preconceptions, Associative Coherence, I
Rating as a movie: PG
My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Quotes: "To a hammer everything looks like a nail."
"Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, 'People do not seem to realize their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.' This is not just a cleaver quip but a piercing insight into human nature. People look at the world as a reflection of themselves, if they see the world as a corrupt place they feel on some level, unconsciously probably, that they are corrupt. If they see honest working people that is frequently how they see themselves, that's why the con artist is the first one to accuse another of cheating."
My thoughts: 📱7% 29.25 Ch. 3 This interesting, I already use some of these tactics, I wasn't aware they were tactics I assumed they were natural awareness, I guess not.
📱19% 1:15:14 Ch. 5 - This is very informative, but still just magnifying things you mostly know and adding new context to it.
42% 2:45:07 Ch. 9 - 🤯 Now we're getting somewhere. I don't know if I can remember all of this stuff but I'm definitely going to try the 3 questions method. I think I'll need a reread in the future.
📱54% 3:31:46 Ch. 11 - This is very enlightening I'll never be suckered into anything again.
This book had a slow start but quickly accelerated, I will have to reread in the future, there was a lot to digest.
Recommend to others?: Yes! This book is phenomenal.
6h 33m narrated by Sean Pratt , 240 pages Hardcover
Genre: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self-Help
Featuring: Reading People, Subconscious Reveals, Secret of Pronouns, Associative Objects, Status and Power, Human Lie Detector, Self Referral Statements, Bluffs, Cons, Preconceptions, Associative Coherence, I
Rating as a movie: PG
My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Quotes: "To a hammer everything looks like a nail."
"Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, 'People do not seem to realize their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.' This is not just a cleaver quip but a piercing insight into human nature. People look at the world as a reflection of themselves, if they see the world as a corrupt place they feel on some level, unconsciously probably, that they are corrupt. If they see honest working people that is frequently how they see themselves, that's why the con artist is the first one to accuse another of cheating."
My thoughts: 📱7% 29.25 Ch. 3 This interesting, I already use some of these tactics, I wasn't aware they were tactics I assumed they were natural awareness, I guess not.
📱19% 1:15:14 Ch. 5 - This is very informative, but still just magnifying things you mostly know and adding new context to it.
42% 2:45:07 Ch. 9 - 🤯 Now we're getting somewhere. I don't know if I can remember all of this stuff but I'm definitely going to try the 3 questions method. I think I'll need a reread in the future.
📱54% 3:31:46 Ch. 11 - This is very enlightening I'll never be suckered into anything again.
This book had a slow start but quickly accelerated, I will have to reread in the future, there was a lot to digest.
Recommend to others?: Yes! This book is phenomenal.
January 17, 2023
Outstanding book. Mindreader markets itself as an eyepiece to better understand the intentions of others, which it successfully accomplishes, but I found the book even more valuable as a mirror allowing me to better understand how I am perceived by others and as a tool to shape those perceptions. It is a balancing act to project warmth, firmness and assertiveness without coming across as cold, demanding and crass in both personal and professional settings. Mindreader helps you achieve that balance. In addition, this book delves into the types of environments best suited for cultivating a stable psyche. I found this valuable for shaping both home and work life as well as serving as a fount of compassion when interacting with difficult people. Mindreader is a great book and will help you understand the most mysterious of people, yourself.
March 5, 2023
This felt like a book written for psychopaths to teach them to have empathy omg
May 28, 2024
O carte cu adevarat utila , plina de informatii practice in detectarea minciunilor. Mindreader este o resursa valoroasa pentru oricine doreste sa isi imbunatateasca abilitatile de comunicare si sa inteleaga mai bine comportamnetul celor din jur. Recomand tuturor celor curiosi sa experimenteze tehnicile din aceasta carte ,nu numai pentru a intelege comportamentul celor din jur ,dar si pentru a intelege mai bine propria personalitate.
June 8, 2024
it was very boring :( too long, good advice though it could’ve been summarised as a power point 🫣
December 21, 2022
Ehhhh. I thought this would be sort of structured like the pop-science non fiction books I'm partial to, but there were parts of it that felt a little problematic (how to get the upper hand in social situations type shit, or like using how people react and speak about things to determine their level of guilt), and a fair amount of technical speak that made my eyes glaze over a little bit. I'd be curious to read this and Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell back to back. I feel like this book is all about how you can pick up on basic social cues to figure out someone's mental state or what they really mean, while the Gladwell book was all about how flawed that methodology is because people don't fit a narrative. either way, there were some interesting/useful parts. I wish I played more poker with my friends, I love free money.
February 9, 2023
I think I expected a different book. This book read like a click bait advertisement at times.
At the end of each chapter I was promised a revelation in the next chapter, but I was actually still waiting for the current chapter's eye opener.
There were a lot of open doors and I found the book lacking the empathy I felt myself with some of the examples. I guess in the author's line of work, one has to be alert (which reads a lot like suspicion in this book) and gets to see the really dark side of humanity.
So maybe I shouldn't have expected a kind book. I did experience some -aha- moments though and this book made me think of what others can read in me actually, how much the use of language actually tells us and made me wonder how altruistic I am and the writing style wasn't bad, which is why I give the book 3 stars.
At the end of each chapter I was promised a revelation in the next chapter, but I was actually still waiting for the current chapter's eye opener.
There were a lot of open doors and I found the book lacking the empathy I felt myself with some of the examples. I guess in the author's line of work, one has to be alert (which reads a lot like suspicion in this book) and gets to see the really dark side of humanity.
So maybe I shouldn't have expected a kind book. I did experience some -aha- moments though and this book made me think of what others can read in me actually, how much the use of language actually tells us and made me wonder how altruistic I am and the writing style wasn't bad, which is why I give the book 3 stars.
August 27, 2022
Must read! You'll never again look at people the same way. For the first time ever, I wished this nonfiction book had been longer. Although the book is dense and the author jams a lot into its pages, I had "Aha" moments on every page even though he probably could have used a few more examples. I usually read with a highlighter, and about half of my book is yellow. Close Encounters, Chapter 3, was my favourite because it teaches you how to tell if someone is genuinely interested in you or just being nice.
March 31, 2023
There were a few good tips and some “aha moments” but I think the book suffers from an identity crisis. It skips around a lot between disparate topics. One minute the author shares how to spot small traits in social situations and then the pendulum swings way over to defining what a sociopath is - huh? Not sure the latter will come in very handy day-to-day but did walk away with a few tips.
December 16, 2022
Mindreader (2022) explains how to read and understand people. Written by an FBI instructor and lie-detection expert, it delves deep into how to understand situational subtext, interpret language, and determine whether a person is being honest.
David J. Lieberman, PhD, is a renowned psychotherapist and the author of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates. He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, The Howard Stern Show, and The View.
---
Understand why difficult people are so difficult.
Psychotherapist and author David J. Lieberman knows how to spot a liar. And he’s keen to share his knowledge with others, so they can spot liars too. But his skills go far beyond this. In Mindreader, he shares his knowledge on how to read others, how to spot what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling.
Yes, a person who’s avoiding eye contact is probably deceiving you; and yes, at the same time, a sociopath can maintain eye contact and lie to you with a straight face; but the real interesting takeaway from Lieberman’s work is an understanding of what’s driving the people you know are dishonest. Or arrogant, boundary-crossing, or just downright unpleasant.
In this book, we’ll focus on getting beyond the superficial. We’ll find out just how ego and low self-esteem can lead us to act in less-than-ideal ways. And we’ll learn how to spot the hidden clues of low self-esteem.
Spotting people with low self-esteem and understanding why they do what they do and why they act in such ways, will allow you to respond to them with empathy rather than anger or frustration.
---
Anxiety makes us fixate on ourselves.
If we want to understand what’s going on with other people, it’s easiest to start by looking at ourselves.
First, imagine how you feel when you’re in the zone. Like, deep into your treadmill workout or effortlessly driving a car. You’re moving without thinking, you’re alternating between the brake and the gas, you’re changing lanes automatically.
Now, imagine carrying a hot cup of coffee across the room, one that’s filled to the brim.
Why do you feel so different in each situation?
When in that second situation, your ego is anxious that the hot coffee might spill and burn your hand. So it makes your perspective zero in on that coffee. The anxiety of being under threat means you fixate on yourself.
The same thing happens when you have to drive through a snowstorm or make witty chitchat at a cool party. Suddenly, all those moves you would normally do without thinking become conscious and calculated – you find yourself tightly gripping the wheel . . . or your drink. Simply put, when the stakes are higher psychologically, your anxiety goes up and your perspective narrows.
Anxiety forces you to fixate on yourself; it limits your ability to process what’s going on around you. Have you ever blanked out during a crucial exam or choked during an important interview? In these cases, something that you’ve always done automatically suddenly stops working. You’re too conscious and your cognitive timing is off. That’s anxiety in action.
Anxiety also expresses itself verbally through the use of qualifiers, like “I think” or “I guess.” When using such qualifiers, we end up softening the conviction of what we’re saying.
While all of the above are examples of situational anxiety, they do hint at generally low self-esteem. That’s because when we have low self-esteem, the more stressed out and fearful we tend to become. Let’s look more at low self-esteem in the next section.
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Low self-esteem is easy to spot if you know what to look for.
Generally, the happiest among us are those who have emotionally healthy relationships. That’s because being vulnerable and letting people into our lives requires a bit of ego deflation. To have someone come into our lives, we need to make space for them. When someone is fearful or ego-driven, their problems fill up their whole life and their capacity to give love is diminished – there’s simply too little space for anyone else.
Such self-absorption is an example of someone with low self-esteem. And it’s evidence of a deeper emotional pain. Emotional pain leads to self-absorption – just like with physical pain. When you have a headache, it becomes difficult to focus on what someone might be saying to you. Self-absorption is the same and it can express itself through arrogance, self-pity, or trouble empathizing with others’ problems.
So how can you spot someone with this kind of toxic low self-esteem?
Perhaps they’re a constant people pleaser – always saying yes, even when they don’t want to. Or they obstinately always hold their ground, never being willing to admit they’re wrong.
You can look at their relationships with the people around them. Do they have a core group of loyal friends? Are they close to their family? Do they take responsibility for their part in conflicts or do they skew toward resentfulness?
People with low self-esteem usually treat themselves far better than they do others, indulging in their own desires and being stingy with giving. Or if they do give, it’s only to gain someone’s approval. People with healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, tend to nurture their own well-being as well as that of those around them.
There are plenty of other red flags. Does this person treat waiters unkindly? Do they not return items that they borrow, promptly and in good shape? Do they maintain healthy boundaries or are they emotionally needy or controlling? Do they violate social norms by asking embarrassing or inappropriate questions? Do they have trouble accepting no for an answer? And so on. These are all signals that the person is primarily preoccupied with self and oblivious or unable to understand how people are responding to them.
The thing is that all these behaviors do not outright make someone a bad person. Most likely, this manipulative or inappropriate behavior isn’t conscious. Rather, it stems from deep, legitimate emotional pain.
While self-esteem is often used interchangeably with confidence, the two are not the same. While confidence connotes how we might handle a certain situation, self-esteem goes much deeper than that. It’s a measure of how much we love ourselves. For instance, someone might have good self-esteem despite the fact that they’re a bad cook. Likewise, someone who might be a great cook may also have low self-esteem and, by constructing their identity around their cooking ability, be building their whole self-image around it. However, this does not lead to peace of mind since it perpetually requires that they compare themselves to others just to feel any sense of self-worth.
In the next section, we’ll look at emotional resilience.
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Emotional resilience is the backbone of a healthy outlook.
Emotional resilience is the ability to deal with stress and adversity while maintaining a healthy mental attitude. This is the difference between people who allow stress to drive them into depression and those who can handle the periodic tribulations of life. And it’s all down to the fact that emotional resilience stems from a healthy self-esteem.
Let’s take a closer look at how ego functions.
The ego has a driving need to understand the unknown and unexplainable. Think less in terms of spiritual matters and more like, Why didn’t she call me back? And, Why didn’t I get that job? Resilience is founded on the admission that questions like this can’t be answered. Like the case of the missed job opportunity. Sure, your ego is obviously hurt and wants to know exactly why you were passed up for the role. But this is something no one will tell you. And honestly, most of the time, it’s something outside of your control. Maybe you said one offhand remark in the interview – not anything you could prepare for.
Resilience calls for letting go and moving on. Ego calls for anger and outrage and self-pity. And the more ego-driven we are, the more we’re convinced that everything in the world is about us. The more convinced we are that we didn’t get the job because we’re inherently unworthy or awful. The more we blame the universe and everything in it for our problems.
Resilience is built by confronting the situation. But these days, it’s all too easy to escape from emotional pain. When the fears and anxieties get too loud upstairs, there’s always doom-scrolling through Twitter or binge-watching Netflix.
The author references terror management theory, which states that people handle anxiety in two ways. If they’re living happy, fulfilled lives, they do so by embracing their values and beliefs. But those who are living less happy lives tend to cope with their anxieties through escapist self-indulgence – anything from food to sex to television. While the latter tends to make things worse, the former actually promotes better resilience in the long run.
But resilience really comes down to how we handle our anxieties. Whether on a date or a job interview, do we accept and respond, react and freak out, or just hide? Predictably, people with high anxiety tend to flee and, over time, serve to reinforce their fears and their low self-esteem in the process.
So when trying to measure someone’s well-being, consider whether they’re balanced and moderate. Or in other words, are they chill?
---
Outsize ego is a marker of fear.
But why does the ego do what it does?
People with low self-esteem tend to take their frustrations out on the world around them. Whereas a healthy person is able to be authentic and nonjudgmental, the unhealthy person is fixated on themself. And when you see someone focused so much on themself, it tells you a lot about who they truly are.
Think about anger, for example. It’s just an ego-driven response to fear. Anger grants us an illusion of control; it drives our attention outward, away from our fear. But angry people tend to see themselves as victims, of life, of situations, of forces beyond their control. They blame the universe and ask, How could you do this to me? Of course, anger doesn’t really get great results, it mostly leads to discombobulation. Just think of how you’re always more apt to stub your toe when you’re angry.
Whenever we feel emotionally threatened, the ego activates its defense mechanisms such as anger. Our ego does this because, well, who wants to admit their own shortcomings? Who wants to admit that they’re self-serving or slothful or a failure? To avoid this, the ego blames the world around us or works to help us justify our actions.
Smoking is an example of this. While every smoker knows that cigarettes are bad for their health, their ego kicks in to help them practice avoidance, denial, or justification. I could die tomorrow or I don’t want to quit because then I’d gain weight.
And low self-esteem is actually why it’s hard for some people to apologize or forgive. Whether they were wrong or had wrong done to them, they find themselves feeling vulnerable – and to feel stronger, more secure, their ego digs in and prevents them from letting go. In turn, signs of a well-adjusted person are their ability to forgive or apologize quickly. Those who can move on tend to have greater emotional strength.
---
Getting caught up in someone’s contamination narrative.
So what are some tell-tale signs that someone might be troubled?
First, consider whether the person you’re dealing with tends to react to life calmly. Or do they blow things out of proportion, getting upset over trivial things? For people with poor emotional health, who lack perspective because they’re always focusing on themselves, everything’s a big problem. While having a balanced perspective allows us to see things in their right size, people without a healthy perspective are unable to do the same.
So what is a healthy perspective?
That depends on whether we give our experiences a contamination narrative or a redemption narrative. Those who defer to the contamination narrative see perpetual catastrophe everywhere. One thing goes wrong and then everything’s ruined. LIke a little rain at a picnic. The contamination narrative casts everything in a negative light. The redemption narrative, on the other hand, looks for the silver lining in everything, even when the situation is terrible. And people who can see things through this lens can reframe even traumatic events to find hope in them. For instance, recognizing that their relative passed away with no pain. Predictably, the redemption narrative corresponds with greater well-being.
A person’s speech tends to give away which narrative they’re using – just check the ratio of positive to negative statements. Think of the person who walks into a room and instantly finds something not to their liking. This person’s world is negative – and we can presume that their life lacks joy.
Likewise, speech also gives away a person’s anxiety level. For instance, the frequency with which a person uses dogmatic expressions – everybody, always, totally, etc. Fear and anxiety cause people to want surety and this leads them to see things in black and white absolutes. In contrast, calmer people have an easier time seeing things in a nuanced way.
To spot an absolutist, keep an ear out for abrasive language. They use expletives to intensify their statements and they tend to exaggerate. The car isn’t just in need of repair, it’s totaled, for example.
They also tend to pronounce universal judgments, projecting their opinion onto reality. Take the example, “everyone likes the beach.” These statements also tend to escalate beyond mere judgment. For instance, “Anyone who doesn’t like the beach is so crazy they should be locked up.”
Spot these clues in someone’s language and you’ll have a good chance of understanding their levels of self-esteem – and their happiness.
---
Ultimately, the best way to read people is to look for the tell-tale markers of low self-esteem. Do they focus the conversation back to themselves? Do they anchor their personality around one superficial trait? Do they swear a lot and get angry easily?
At the same time, it’s important not to judge based on one isolated incident. We all ebb and flow through highs and lows, but it’s the repeated pattern of behavior that really gives someone away.
David J. Lieberman, PhD, is a renowned psychotherapist and the author of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates. He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, The Howard Stern Show, and The View.
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Understand why difficult people are so difficult.
Psychotherapist and author David J. Lieberman knows how to spot a liar. And he’s keen to share his knowledge with others, so they can spot liars too. But his skills go far beyond this. In Mindreader, he shares his knowledge on how to read others, how to spot what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling.
Yes, a person who’s avoiding eye contact is probably deceiving you; and yes, at the same time, a sociopath can maintain eye contact and lie to you with a straight face; but the real interesting takeaway from Lieberman’s work is an understanding of what’s driving the people you know are dishonest. Or arrogant, boundary-crossing, or just downright unpleasant.
In this book, we’ll focus on getting beyond the superficial. We’ll find out just how ego and low self-esteem can lead us to act in less-than-ideal ways. And we’ll learn how to spot the hidden clues of low self-esteem.
Spotting people with low self-esteem and understanding why they do what they do and why they act in such ways, will allow you to respond to them with empathy rather than anger or frustration.
---
Anxiety makes us fixate on ourselves.
If we want to understand what’s going on with other people, it’s easiest to start by looking at ourselves.
First, imagine how you feel when you’re in the zone. Like, deep into your treadmill workout or effortlessly driving a car. You’re moving without thinking, you’re alternating between the brake and the gas, you’re changing lanes automatically.
Now, imagine carrying a hot cup of coffee across the room, one that’s filled to the brim.
Why do you feel so different in each situation?
When in that second situation, your ego is anxious that the hot coffee might spill and burn your hand. So it makes your perspective zero in on that coffee. The anxiety of being under threat means you fixate on yourself.
The same thing happens when you have to drive through a snowstorm or make witty chitchat at a cool party. Suddenly, all those moves you would normally do without thinking become conscious and calculated – you find yourself tightly gripping the wheel . . . or your drink. Simply put, when the stakes are higher psychologically, your anxiety goes up and your perspective narrows.
Anxiety forces you to fixate on yourself; it limits your ability to process what’s going on around you. Have you ever blanked out during a crucial exam or choked during an important interview? In these cases, something that you’ve always done automatically suddenly stops working. You’re too conscious and your cognitive timing is off. That’s anxiety in action.
Anxiety also expresses itself verbally through the use of qualifiers, like “I think” or “I guess.” When using such qualifiers, we end up softening the conviction of what we’re saying.
While all of the above are examples of situational anxiety, they do hint at generally low self-esteem. That’s because when we have low self-esteem, the more stressed out and fearful we tend to become. Let’s look more at low self-esteem in the next section.
---
Low self-esteem is easy to spot if you know what to look for.
Generally, the happiest among us are those who have emotionally healthy relationships. That’s because being vulnerable and letting people into our lives requires a bit of ego deflation. To have someone come into our lives, we need to make space for them. When someone is fearful or ego-driven, their problems fill up their whole life and their capacity to give love is diminished – there’s simply too little space for anyone else.
Such self-absorption is an example of someone with low self-esteem. And it’s evidence of a deeper emotional pain. Emotional pain leads to self-absorption – just like with physical pain. When you have a headache, it becomes difficult to focus on what someone might be saying to you. Self-absorption is the same and it can express itself through arrogance, self-pity, or trouble empathizing with others’ problems.
So how can you spot someone with this kind of toxic low self-esteem?
Perhaps they’re a constant people pleaser – always saying yes, even when they don’t want to. Or they obstinately always hold their ground, never being willing to admit they’re wrong.
You can look at their relationships with the people around them. Do they have a core group of loyal friends? Are they close to their family? Do they take responsibility for their part in conflicts or do they skew toward resentfulness?
People with low self-esteem usually treat themselves far better than they do others, indulging in their own desires and being stingy with giving. Or if they do give, it’s only to gain someone’s approval. People with healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, tend to nurture their own well-being as well as that of those around them.
There are plenty of other red flags. Does this person treat waiters unkindly? Do they not return items that they borrow, promptly and in good shape? Do they maintain healthy boundaries or are they emotionally needy or controlling? Do they violate social norms by asking embarrassing or inappropriate questions? Do they have trouble accepting no for an answer? And so on. These are all signals that the person is primarily preoccupied with self and oblivious or unable to understand how people are responding to them.
The thing is that all these behaviors do not outright make someone a bad person. Most likely, this manipulative or inappropriate behavior isn’t conscious. Rather, it stems from deep, legitimate emotional pain.
While self-esteem is often used interchangeably with confidence, the two are not the same. While confidence connotes how we might handle a certain situation, self-esteem goes much deeper than that. It’s a measure of how much we love ourselves. For instance, someone might have good self-esteem despite the fact that they’re a bad cook. Likewise, someone who might be a great cook may also have low self-esteem and, by constructing their identity around their cooking ability, be building their whole self-image around it. However, this does not lead to peace of mind since it perpetually requires that they compare themselves to others just to feel any sense of self-worth.
In the next section, we’ll look at emotional resilience.
---
Emotional resilience is the backbone of a healthy outlook.
Emotional resilience is the ability to deal with stress and adversity while maintaining a healthy mental attitude. This is the difference between people who allow stress to drive them into depression and those who can handle the periodic tribulations of life. And it’s all down to the fact that emotional resilience stems from a healthy self-esteem.
Let’s take a closer look at how ego functions.
The ego has a driving need to understand the unknown and unexplainable. Think less in terms of spiritual matters and more like, Why didn’t she call me back? And, Why didn’t I get that job? Resilience is founded on the admission that questions like this can’t be answered. Like the case of the missed job opportunity. Sure, your ego is obviously hurt and wants to know exactly why you were passed up for the role. But this is something no one will tell you. And honestly, most of the time, it’s something outside of your control. Maybe you said one offhand remark in the interview – not anything you could prepare for.
Resilience calls for letting go and moving on. Ego calls for anger and outrage and self-pity. And the more ego-driven we are, the more we’re convinced that everything in the world is about us. The more convinced we are that we didn’t get the job because we’re inherently unworthy or awful. The more we blame the universe and everything in it for our problems.
Resilience is built by confronting the situation. But these days, it’s all too easy to escape from emotional pain. When the fears and anxieties get too loud upstairs, there’s always doom-scrolling through Twitter or binge-watching Netflix.
The author references terror management theory, which states that people handle anxiety in two ways. If they’re living happy, fulfilled lives, they do so by embracing their values and beliefs. But those who are living less happy lives tend to cope with their anxieties through escapist self-indulgence – anything from food to sex to television. While the latter tends to make things worse, the former actually promotes better resilience in the long run.
But resilience really comes down to how we handle our anxieties. Whether on a date or a job interview, do we accept and respond, react and freak out, or just hide? Predictably, people with high anxiety tend to flee and, over time, serve to reinforce their fears and their low self-esteem in the process.
So when trying to measure someone’s well-being, consider whether they’re balanced and moderate. Or in other words, are they chill?
---
Outsize ego is a marker of fear.
But why does the ego do what it does?
People with low self-esteem tend to take their frustrations out on the world around them. Whereas a healthy person is able to be authentic and nonjudgmental, the unhealthy person is fixated on themself. And when you see someone focused so much on themself, it tells you a lot about who they truly are.
Think about anger, for example. It’s just an ego-driven response to fear. Anger grants us an illusion of control; it drives our attention outward, away from our fear. But angry people tend to see themselves as victims, of life, of situations, of forces beyond their control. They blame the universe and ask, How could you do this to me? Of course, anger doesn’t really get great results, it mostly leads to discombobulation. Just think of how you’re always more apt to stub your toe when you’re angry.
Whenever we feel emotionally threatened, the ego activates its defense mechanisms such as anger. Our ego does this because, well, who wants to admit their own shortcomings? Who wants to admit that they’re self-serving or slothful or a failure? To avoid this, the ego blames the world around us or works to help us justify our actions.
Smoking is an example of this. While every smoker knows that cigarettes are bad for their health, their ego kicks in to help them practice avoidance, denial, or justification. I could die tomorrow or I don’t want to quit because then I’d gain weight.
And low self-esteem is actually why it’s hard for some people to apologize or forgive. Whether they were wrong or had wrong done to them, they find themselves feeling vulnerable – and to feel stronger, more secure, their ego digs in and prevents them from letting go. In turn, signs of a well-adjusted person are their ability to forgive or apologize quickly. Those who can move on tend to have greater emotional strength.
---
Getting caught up in someone’s contamination narrative.
So what are some tell-tale signs that someone might be troubled?
First, consider whether the person you’re dealing with tends to react to life calmly. Or do they blow things out of proportion, getting upset over trivial things? For people with poor emotional health, who lack perspective because they’re always focusing on themselves, everything’s a big problem. While having a balanced perspective allows us to see things in their right size, people without a healthy perspective are unable to do the same.
So what is a healthy perspective?
That depends on whether we give our experiences a contamination narrative or a redemption narrative. Those who defer to the contamination narrative see perpetual catastrophe everywhere. One thing goes wrong and then everything’s ruined. LIke a little rain at a picnic. The contamination narrative casts everything in a negative light. The redemption narrative, on the other hand, looks for the silver lining in everything, even when the situation is terrible. And people who can see things through this lens can reframe even traumatic events to find hope in them. For instance, recognizing that their relative passed away with no pain. Predictably, the redemption narrative corresponds with greater well-being.
A person’s speech tends to give away which narrative they’re using – just check the ratio of positive to negative statements. Think of the person who walks into a room and instantly finds something not to their liking. This person’s world is negative – and we can presume that their life lacks joy.
Likewise, speech also gives away a person’s anxiety level. For instance, the frequency with which a person uses dogmatic expressions – everybody, always, totally, etc. Fear and anxiety cause people to want surety and this leads them to see things in black and white absolutes. In contrast, calmer people have an easier time seeing things in a nuanced way.
To spot an absolutist, keep an ear out for abrasive language. They use expletives to intensify their statements and they tend to exaggerate. The car isn’t just in need of repair, it’s totaled, for example.
They also tend to pronounce universal judgments, projecting their opinion onto reality. Take the example, “everyone likes the beach.” These statements also tend to escalate beyond mere judgment. For instance, “Anyone who doesn’t like the beach is so crazy they should be locked up.”
Spot these clues in someone’s language and you’ll have a good chance of understanding their levels of self-esteem – and their happiness.
---
Ultimately, the best way to read people is to look for the tell-tale markers of low self-esteem. Do they focus the conversation back to themselves? Do they anchor their personality around one superficial trait? Do they swear a lot and get angry easily?
At the same time, it’s important not to judge based on one isolated incident. We all ebb and flow through highs and lows, but it’s the repeated pattern of behavior that really gives someone away.
December 17, 2022
3.5 I found this very interesting, but I don't know that the information will stick in my head. I feel like the info could be very helpful, but it would take a lit of intention and time to attempt to apply any of it. Maybe I just need to take a psych course again to get me thinking in this way or maybe I'm not in a space where I want to go beyond face value.
December 1, 2023
Cool poker tips.
Ways to tell if people are telling the truth.
Ways to tell if people are telling the truth.
April 20, 2025
İletişim ve insanları anlama konusuna ilgi duyan herkesin mutlaka okumasını tavsiye ederim..
Yazarımız konuya direkt ve de dolayısız girdiği için benim için adeta şok karışık sürpriz olmuştu. Zira daha kolay okumalara alıştığım için böyle bir giriş bende etki bırakmıştı. Yazarımız insanların sözlerini analiz ederek karşıdakını anlamanın yollarını öğretiyor. Daha önceki ikna ve iletişim okumalarında böyle bir kitaba hiç denk gelmemiştim ve benim için birçok yeni bilgiyi öğrenme vesilesi oldu. Akıl okumanın kolay bir şey olduğunu söyleyemem ama bu kitap size deneyim ve dikkat etmenin ne kadar çok şey katacağını çok güzel şekilde özetlemiş aslında. Daha uzun olmasını dileyeceğim kitaplardan biri oldu kendisi..
Yazarımız konuya direkt ve de dolayısız girdiği için benim için adeta şok karışık sürpriz olmuştu. Zira daha kolay okumalara alıştığım için böyle bir giriş bende etki bırakmıştı. Yazarımız insanların sözlerini analiz ederek karşıdakını anlamanın yollarını öğretiyor. Daha önceki ikna ve iletişim okumalarında böyle bir kitaba hiç denk gelmemiştim ve benim için birçok yeni bilgiyi öğrenme vesilesi oldu. Akıl okumanın kolay bir şey olduğunu söyleyemem ama bu kitap size deneyim ve dikkat etmenin ne kadar çok şey katacağını çok güzel şekilde özetlemiş aslında. Daha uzun olmasını dileyeceğim kitaplardan biri oldu kendisi..
June 5, 2024
Most of the chapters discuss the correlation of pronouns with deciphering a person's mentality. And it is being applied to criminal investigation, whereas I wanted to read about more general scenarios and body language.
April 11, 2025
David Lieberman really understands the mind. With his broken down examples, he is able to explain how the mind works and why we know/unknowingly think, react, and say. Perfect book for those who are investigators, fraud examiners, interviewers, or those just simply interested in understanding.
July 31, 2024
Lots of examples of scenarios I wouldn't have thought of.
September 13, 2024
Surprinzător de ok.
March 14, 2023
i love a good brain book
July 1, 2024
Overview
"Mindreader" by David J. Lieberman takes readers on an insightful journey into "The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are." This book breaks down the complex world of silent communication, teaching us how to interpret the hidden messages in people's actions and expressions. Lieberman, a seasoned psychotherapist, has shared his expertise with top security agencies, including the FBI and CIA, training personnel to understand the subtleties of human behavior.
In this book, Lieberman uses simple language to make complex ideas accessible. He shows us how to notice the little things that reveal big truths about someone's inner thoughts and feelings. "Mindreader" is an essential read for anyone interested in the silent language of body movements, facial expressions, and the words left unsaid, helping us to navigate social situations with greater understanding and empathy.
Synopsis
The 20 chapters of the book are organised in four main parts.
In the Part I, Lieberman explains what the “Subconscious Reveals”. The five chapters of this part cover the following aspects:
* CHAPTER 1: What They Really Think - This chapter introduces techniques to uncover someone's true thoughts, delving beyond their conscious control. It guides readers on how to interpret subtle cues that reveal the thoughts hidden deep within the subconscious mind.
* CHAPTER 2: How a Person Sees and Feels about Other People - Here, Lieberman explains how to discern a person's genuine feelings towards others. The chapter provides insights into understanding who someone feels connected to, respects, or secretly resents, based on their behaviour and language patterns.
* CHAPTER 3: Close Encounters - Lieberman offers strategies to determine the direction of a conversation or relationship. This chapter helps readers recognise whether someone is merely being courteous or is sincerely interested and invested in the interaction.
* CHAPTER 4: Relationship Status and Power - In this chapter, readers learn to identify the dynamics of power and status within relationships. Lieberman reveals how to detect if a person feels dominant or insecure, regardless of their outward expressions or claims.
* CHAPTER 5: Reading the Mood - Lieberman teaches how to decode hidden emotions like anger and anxiety, which can seep out through seemingly positive language and actions. This chapter is about recognising the true emotional state of individuals, beyond their outward facade.
In the Part, the book talks about “The Human Lie detector” and discusses the following topics
* CHAPTER 6: Assessing Honesty and Integrity - This chapter equips readers with the skills to gauge the truthfulness and moral character of the people they interact with. Lieberman provides strategies to discern whether someone is being sincere or hiding something, which is crucial in conversations with suspects, colleagues, or new friends.
* CHAPTER 7: The Art of Reading the Bluff - Lieberman teaches how to recognise when someone is making empty threats or claims. This chapter is about understanding whether a person's dramatic statements are genuine or just a show to manipulate the situation.
* CHAPTER 8: Making Up Stories: Alibis and Lullabies - Here, readers learn how to quickly identify if someone's story about an event is factual or fabricated. Lieberman offers insights into separating truth from fiction in people's narratives.
* CHAPTER 9: Tricks of the Trade - The final chapter reveals the psychological tricks that skilled manipulators use to influence others. Lieberman uncovers the methods by which con artists and master manipulators get people to act against their own rational self-interest.
Part III is titled "Taking a Psychological Snapshot" and delves into the intricacies of personality, values, and resilience through its five chapters.
* CHAPTER 10: A Peek into Personality and Mental Health - This chapter provides a window into understanding the core of a person's nature. Whether you're evaluating a potential employee, a date, or a babysitter, Lieberman offers tools to discern whether someone is relaxed and friendly or a more intense and unpredictable personality.
* CHAPTER 11: Narrative Identity: Reading Hearts and Souls - Lieberman discusses the importance of personal narratives in shaping our identity. By understanding the stories people tell about themselves, we can gain insights into their thoughts and predict future behaviour, as individuals tend to stay true to their self-scripted roles.
* CHAPTER 12: Activating the Defence Grid - Here, readers learn to recognise the defence mechanisms people use to navigate their self-perception and the world around them. Lieberman explains how to identify a person's strengths, insecurities, and internal struggles by observing what they focus on and what they ignore.
* CHAPTER 13: The Meaning of Values - This chapter explores how a person's values reflect their true self. Lieberman teaches how to see past someone's public image to understand what truly motivates them, providing a deeper understanding of their core beliefs and priorities.
* CHAPTER 14: The Resilience Factor - Lieberman focuses in this chapter on how individuals cope with stress and pressure. He provides insights into identifying who is likely to withstand challenges and who may succumb, as well as how to detect early signs of stress fractures in someone's composure.
The Part IV is titled "Building a Psychological Profile" and it covers the following topics in its six chapters:
* CHAPTER 15: In Search of Sanity - This chapter discusses the language patterns of those with emotional illnesses and how these patterns reveal their perception of reality. It offers insights into understanding a person's inner world through a single conversation.
* CHAPTER 16: The Psychology of Self-Esteem - Lieberman addresses the misconception of the self-admiring narcissist and provides methods to distinguish between genuine self-esteem and deep-seated inferiority and self-loathing.
* CHAPTER 17: Unmasking Personality Disorders - Here, readers learn why certain individuals trigger emotional reactions and overstep boundaries. The chapter also teaches how to recognise various personality disorders, including those adept at hiding their true nature, like polished sociopaths.
* CHAPTER 18: Reflections of Relationships - This chapter provides techniques for spotting signs of mental illness quickly, whether in a professional setting with a patient, during a job interview, or in casual conversation with a colleague.
* CHAPTER 19: Highs and Lows and Suffering in Between - Lieberman explains how to discern who is genuinely coping well and who may be struggling internally despite a facade of resilience.
* CHAPTER 20: When to Worry: Red Alert and Warning Signs - The final chapter focuses on identifying early warning signs in individuals who may pose a risk to themselves or others, emphasising that catastrophic actions are often preceded by detectable signals.
Why you should read it?
"Mindreader" is a compelling read that offers profound insights into the unspoken language of human behaviour. For anyone interested in the intricacies of interpersonal communication, this book is an invaluable resource. It provides a detailed understanding of how to interpret the subtle cues and signals that people unconsciously emit, allowing readers to uncover the true intentions and feelings behind the façades presented to the world.
For managers and leaders in particular, "Mindreader" is an essential guide to mastering the art of reading people. In the realm of management, the ability to assess honesty, integrity, and motivation is crucial for building strong teams and fostering a positive work environment. Lieberman's expertise in psycholinguistics can help managers navigate complex workplace dynamics, enhance negotiation skills, and prevent conflicts by understanding the underlying issues that are not verbally expressed.
Moreover, the book's focus on building psychological profiles is especially beneficial for managers tasked with hiring decisions, team-building, and leadership development. Understanding personality types, values, and resilience factors can lead to more informed decisions about who will best fit a role or how to support an employee's growth. The knowledge gained from "Mindreader" equips managers with the foresight to identify potential challenges and the wisdom to address them proactively.
In a broader sense, "Mindreader" is not just a tool for personal advancement; it's a lens through which we can foster empathy and understanding in our professional and personal lives.
Critics and review
The book has received positive feedback from the literary community, reflected in its ratings and reviews. The book has been highlighted as an Editors' pick for Best Nonfiction on Amazon. Critics have noted "Mindreader" as a treasure trove of concepts, ideas, and tools that can be mastered to be safer and happier, suggesting its practical utility in everyday life.
The book's success is also likely bolstered by Lieberman's reputation as a bestselling author and his role as a consultant to top security agencies, which adds a layer of credibility to his work.
Overall, the critical reception of "Mindreader" paints a picture of a book that is both informative and engaging, offering valuable insights into the science of psycholinguistics.
About the author
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., is a renowned psychotherapist and author known for his expertise in the field of human behaviour and interpersonal relationships. His books have been translated into multiple languages and have reached a wide audience around the world. Dr. Lieberman's work extends beyond writing, as he conducts workshops and training sessions globally.
He is also an educator and speaker, known for his innovative approach to short-term therapy called NeuroDynamic Analysis. Dr. Lieberman is frequently featured in media and serves as a consultant to top security agencies, where his insights into human behaviour are highly valued. His instructional materials are used in training programs for psychological operations graduates.
Dr. Lieberman's ability to simplify complex psychological concepts into practical advice has made his books, such as "Mindreader," popular among those seeking to understand more about human interaction.
"Mindreader" by David J. Lieberman takes readers on an insightful journey into "The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are." This book breaks down the complex world of silent communication, teaching us how to interpret the hidden messages in people's actions and expressions. Lieberman, a seasoned psychotherapist, has shared his expertise with top security agencies, including the FBI and CIA, training personnel to understand the subtleties of human behavior.
In this book, Lieberman uses simple language to make complex ideas accessible. He shows us how to notice the little things that reveal big truths about someone's inner thoughts and feelings. "Mindreader" is an essential read for anyone interested in the silent language of body movements, facial expressions, and the words left unsaid, helping us to navigate social situations with greater understanding and empathy.
Synopsis
The 20 chapters of the book are organised in four main parts.
In the Part I, Lieberman explains what the “Subconscious Reveals”. The five chapters of this part cover the following aspects:
* CHAPTER 1: What They Really Think - This chapter introduces techniques to uncover someone's true thoughts, delving beyond their conscious control. It guides readers on how to interpret subtle cues that reveal the thoughts hidden deep within the subconscious mind.
* CHAPTER 2: How a Person Sees and Feels about Other People - Here, Lieberman explains how to discern a person's genuine feelings towards others. The chapter provides insights into understanding who someone feels connected to, respects, or secretly resents, based on their behaviour and language patterns.
* CHAPTER 3: Close Encounters - Lieberman offers strategies to determine the direction of a conversation or relationship. This chapter helps readers recognise whether someone is merely being courteous or is sincerely interested and invested in the interaction.
* CHAPTER 4: Relationship Status and Power - In this chapter, readers learn to identify the dynamics of power and status within relationships. Lieberman reveals how to detect if a person feels dominant or insecure, regardless of their outward expressions or claims.
* CHAPTER 5: Reading the Mood - Lieberman teaches how to decode hidden emotions like anger and anxiety, which can seep out through seemingly positive language and actions. This chapter is about recognising the true emotional state of individuals, beyond their outward facade.
In the Part, the book talks about “The Human Lie detector” and discusses the following topics
* CHAPTER 6: Assessing Honesty and Integrity - This chapter equips readers with the skills to gauge the truthfulness and moral character of the people they interact with. Lieberman provides strategies to discern whether someone is being sincere or hiding something, which is crucial in conversations with suspects, colleagues, or new friends.
* CHAPTER 7: The Art of Reading the Bluff - Lieberman teaches how to recognise when someone is making empty threats or claims. This chapter is about understanding whether a person's dramatic statements are genuine or just a show to manipulate the situation.
* CHAPTER 8: Making Up Stories: Alibis and Lullabies - Here, readers learn how to quickly identify if someone's story about an event is factual or fabricated. Lieberman offers insights into separating truth from fiction in people's narratives.
* CHAPTER 9: Tricks of the Trade - The final chapter reveals the psychological tricks that skilled manipulators use to influence others. Lieberman uncovers the methods by which con artists and master manipulators get people to act against their own rational self-interest.
Part III is titled "Taking a Psychological Snapshot" and delves into the intricacies of personality, values, and resilience through its five chapters.
* CHAPTER 10: A Peek into Personality and Mental Health - This chapter provides a window into understanding the core of a person's nature. Whether you're evaluating a potential employee, a date, or a babysitter, Lieberman offers tools to discern whether someone is relaxed and friendly or a more intense and unpredictable personality.
* CHAPTER 11: Narrative Identity: Reading Hearts and Souls - Lieberman discusses the importance of personal narratives in shaping our identity. By understanding the stories people tell about themselves, we can gain insights into their thoughts and predict future behaviour, as individuals tend to stay true to their self-scripted roles.
* CHAPTER 12: Activating the Defence Grid - Here, readers learn to recognise the defence mechanisms people use to navigate their self-perception and the world around them. Lieberman explains how to identify a person's strengths, insecurities, and internal struggles by observing what they focus on and what they ignore.
* CHAPTER 13: The Meaning of Values - This chapter explores how a person's values reflect their true self. Lieberman teaches how to see past someone's public image to understand what truly motivates them, providing a deeper understanding of their core beliefs and priorities.
* CHAPTER 14: The Resilience Factor - Lieberman focuses in this chapter on how individuals cope with stress and pressure. He provides insights into identifying who is likely to withstand challenges and who may succumb, as well as how to detect early signs of stress fractures in someone's composure.
The Part IV is titled "Building a Psychological Profile" and it covers the following topics in its six chapters:
* CHAPTER 15: In Search of Sanity - This chapter discusses the language patterns of those with emotional illnesses and how these patterns reveal their perception of reality. It offers insights into understanding a person's inner world through a single conversation.
* CHAPTER 16: The Psychology of Self-Esteem - Lieberman addresses the misconception of the self-admiring narcissist and provides methods to distinguish between genuine self-esteem and deep-seated inferiority and self-loathing.
* CHAPTER 17: Unmasking Personality Disorders - Here, readers learn why certain individuals trigger emotional reactions and overstep boundaries. The chapter also teaches how to recognise various personality disorders, including those adept at hiding their true nature, like polished sociopaths.
* CHAPTER 18: Reflections of Relationships - This chapter provides techniques for spotting signs of mental illness quickly, whether in a professional setting with a patient, during a job interview, or in casual conversation with a colleague.
* CHAPTER 19: Highs and Lows and Suffering in Between - Lieberman explains how to discern who is genuinely coping well and who may be struggling internally despite a facade of resilience.
* CHAPTER 20: When to Worry: Red Alert and Warning Signs - The final chapter focuses on identifying early warning signs in individuals who may pose a risk to themselves or others, emphasising that catastrophic actions are often preceded by detectable signals.
Why you should read it?
"Mindreader" is a compelling read that offers profound insights into the unspoken language of human behaviour. For anyone interested in the intricacies of interpersonal communication, this book is an invaluable resource. It provides a detailed understanding of how to interpret the subtle cues and signals that people unconsciously emit, allowing readers to uncover the true intentions and feelings behind the façades presented to the world.
For managers and leaders in particular, "Mindreader" is an essential guide to mastering the art of reading people. In the realm of management, the ability to assess honesty, integrity, and motivation is crucial for building strong teams and fostering a positive work environment. Lieberman's expertise in psycholinguistics can help managers navigate complex workplace dynamics, enhance negotiation skills, and prevent conflicts by understanding the underlying issues that are not verbally expressed.
Moreover, the book's focus on building psychological profiles is especially beneficial for managers tasked with hiring decisions, team-building, and leadership development. Understanding personality types, values, and resilience factors can lead to more informed decisions about who will best fit a role or how to support an employee's growth. The knowledge gained from "Mindreader" equips managers with the foresight to identify potential challenges and the wisdom to address them proactively.
In a broader sense, "Mindreader" is not just a tool for personal advancement; it's a lens through which we can foster empathy and understanding in our professional and personal lives.
Critics and review
The book has received positive feedback from the literary community, reflected in its ratings and reviews. The book has been highlighted as an Editors' pick for Best Nonfiction on Amazon. Critics have noted "Mindreader" as a treasure trove of concepts, ideas, and tools that can be mastered to be safer and happier, suggesting its practical utility in everyday life.
The book's success is also likely bolstered by Lieberman's reputation as a bestselling author and his role as a consultant to top security agencies, which adds a layer of credibility to his work.
Overall, the critical reception of "Mindreader" paints a picture of a book that is both informative and engaging, offering valuable insights into the science of psycholinguistics.
About the author
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., is a renowned psychotherapist and author known for his expertise in the field of human behaviour and interpersonal relationships. His books have been translated into multiple languages and have reached a wide audience around the world. Dr. Lieberman's work extends beyond writing, as he conducts workshops and training sessions globally.
He is also an educator and speaker, known for his innovative approach to short-term therapy called NeuroDynamic Analysis. Dr. Lieberman is frequently featured in media and serves as a consultant to top security agencies, where his insights into human behaviour are highly valued. His instructional materials are used in training programs for psychological operations graduates.
Dr. Lieberman's ability to simplify complex psychological concepts into practical advice has made his books, such as "Mindreader," popular among those seeking to understand more about human interaction.
August 6, 2022
“Mindreader” by David J. Lieberman, PhD is a deep dive into the world of personalities and profiling. Lieberman gives hints and clues as to what behaviors and phrasings should be considered red flags in an attempt to help readers identify who can be trusted and who can’t be.
This book was an interesting read. Lieberman’s background with different law enforcement agencies helped create more interesting examples than some other psychology books I’ve read in the past. Little phrases here and there made me think of shows like Criminal Minds, and you all know I’m always here for moments like that.
In the end, I gave this book 4 stars. I was afraid it might become bogged down with technical language, but it was a quick read with lots of relatable examples (or at least examples that made sense in average life).
Thanks to NetGalley and Rodale Books for an ARC in exchange for my honest review. This book hits shelves August 16th!
This book was an interesting read. Lieberman’s background with different law enforcement agencies helped create more interesting examples than some other psychology books I’ve read in the past. Little phrases here and there made me think of shows like Criminal Minds, and you all know I’m always here for moments like that.
In the end, I gave this book 4 stars. I was afraid it might become bogged down with technical language, but it was a quick read with lots of relatable examples (or at least examples that made sense in average life).
Thanks to NetGalley and Rodale Books for an ARC in exchange for my honest review. This book hits shelves August 16th!
September 8, 2022
Here is a deeper review of how to tell if people are telling the truth. One easy sign is if they do not "protest too much." Another interesting way presented to see if they fall for a trap in the illustration of someone claiming where they were. Get them to expand, then throw out something like asking about a traffic accident that supposedly happened that they might have encountered. If they are lying they will need to pause to think of what to say. Of course, then you are not telling the truth!
December 27, 2024
A good compilation of information that can tell us more about others and ourselves, from linguistic elements to neurotic manifestations.
November 7, 2023
Môj najväčší (z prečítaných do konca) čitateľský prešľap ostatných rokov. Tak som bola unudená k jej koncu, že aj napísanie tejto recenzie mi trvalo vyše mesiaca. Prehajpovaná kniha, ktorá ostentatívne sľubuje, ako zmení každému život mi bola trochu podozrivá od začiatku, ale vravela som si že meh, vyskúšam odporúčací algoritmus online kníhkupectva, však vyzerá, že ma už pozná. Trt makový. Autor si húdol svoje teórie, ktoré zväčša nepodkladal žiadnou evidenciou. Väčšina knihy sa akoby vôbec netýkala témy odhadnutia osoby a jej zámerov, preklad bol katastrofálny, hoci práve u takejto témy je extrémne dôležitá každá nuansa. Autor preložil u rôznych príkladov text, slovne aj správne, ale nemala som pocit, že významovo sa skutočne trafil. Suma sumárum, stále neviem čítať myšlienky :( :D
September 9, 2022
I recently received a diagnosis of being on the spectrum as an adult. This book is similar to your first time wearing glasses. eye-opening in every way
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 3, 2022
This book goes deeply into the subject of how to read people's mind.
Grounded in psychology and science, the author shares various ways through which we can decipher and decode what lies behind the mask.
Coming from an expert in the domain of human nature, the author, through various examples and illustrations have provided means to reader to go deep into the psyche of person they are dealing with.
The book is divided into 4 parts:
• Subconscious Reveals
• The Human Lie Detector
• Taking A Psychological Snapshot
• Building A Psychological Profile
I have read quite a few books on psychology and this book offers a new perspective and a new way of looking at things.
The book proceeds at a good pace and I was hooked to it from first word to the last.
Giving a new perspective, this book is an important read for everyone as we all, in our work or in our life in general, deal with vast number of people. And knowing what that person is really thinking will give us an extra edge.
Grounded in psychology and science, the author shares various ways through which we can decipher and decode what lies behind the mask.
Coming from an expert in the domain of human nature, the author, through various examples and illustrations have provided means to reader to go deep into the psyche of person they are dealing with.
The book is divided into 4 parts:
• Subconscious Reveals
• The Human Lie Detector
• Taking A Psychological Snapshot
• Building A Psychological Profile
I have read quite a few books on psychology and this book offers a new perspective and a new way of looking at things.
The book proceeds at a good pace and I was hooked to it from first word to the last.
Giving a new perspective, this book is an important read for everyone as we all, in our work or in our life in general, deal with vast number of people. And knowing what that person is really thinking will give us an extra edge.
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