Panic and Joy: My Solo Path to Motherhood

by Emma Brockes

An explosive and hilarious memoir about the exceptional and life-changing decision to conceive a child on one's own via assisted reproduction

When British journalist, memoirist, and New York-transplant Emma Brockes decides to become pregnant, she quickly realizes that, being single, thirty-seven, and in the early stages of a same-sex relationship, she's going to have to be untraditional about it. From the moment she decides to stop "futzing" around, have her eggs counted, and "get cracking"; through multiple rounds of IUI; to the births of her twins, which her girlfriend gamely documents with her iPhone and selfie stick, Brockes brings the reader every step of the way--all the while exploring the cultural circumstances and choices that have brought her to this point. With mordant wit and remarkable candor, Brockes shares the frustrations, embarrassments, surprises, and, finally, joys of her momentous and excellent choice.

Audible Audio

Published June 26, 2018

About the author

Emma Brockes (born 1975) is a British author and a contributor to The Guardian and The New York Times. She lives in New York.

Reviews

[Ashlee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve listened to a lot of podcasts with a similar story to Emma’s, but I really enjoyed the drawn out version with all the details. There’s some good writing that I know I missed while listening to the audio, but having her narrate is also something special.

Emma’s thoughts around why she wants to have her own kid and NOT coparent with her lesbian lover are the most reflective of my own to date. Especially after reading The School for Good Mothers and just being generally cognizant of how fucked up divorces and coparenting with someone who you dislike/despise/wish you never had to see again could be, my biggest fear is having my life dictated by this other person because we share custody of a child. NOPE. I’d rather be the sole decision maker and not have to fight for peace for the rest of my life for presumably the most meaningful thing in my life.

I understand and empathize with her living and parenting decisions around her lesbian lover BUT my question is: do they even like each other?? Seems more platonic and less romantic, potentially even more contemptuous than a friend? Curious 🤔

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was debating between and 3 star and 4 star rating. The book started slow and perhaps it was because I am not personally familiar with the struggle to conceive a child using IUI. As I continued to read and she became pregnant twins, I found the book more enjoyable. At times the setting was serious and she would throw in an unexpected sarcastic sentence that literally made me laugh out loud. Overall I liked this book.

[T · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recently read a recommendation of this in the Atlantic. EB is one of my fav authors in the Guardian. This book details her parenthood story from preconception comparing UK and US medical choices, availability and costs. How to make/think you're making every major decision. Well worth reading.