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Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety: Raising Happy, Healthy Humans Ages 8 to 24
No parent experienced their teen years the way that children do today. This guide provides strategies and tips for actively learning the world of our children.
Audible Audio
Published September 15, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 80 reviews
November 4, 2023
I’m not sure why this book has such good reviews. It was incredibly frustrating to me. The author talks about the horrible effects on mental health of various things our children are exposed to such as screen time, social media, drugs, early sexualization, etc. But then he proceeds to say that these things aren’t going away so try to find the positives. He was very inconsistent in his recommendations as well (for example, limit your teens use of media but don’t set hard and fast rules because then you’ll ruin your relationship with your teen and that’s more important than protecting them from the emotional harm caused by too much media, etc.) and he seemed to be shooting in the dark for answers to all of these problems.
The one positive thing I took from this book was from the introduction and that was the idea that even though we were teens ourselves we really don’t understand what it feels like to be a teen in today’s world. That’s really not earth shattering but it was a good reminder for me that I need to not assume I know what my kids are going through because I was their age once. As any other good parenting book will recommend, positive, open communication is vital to helping our children navigate this new world our children have to grow up in. I just wish I would have saved myself some time and frustration and stopped after the introduction.
Three books that cover these same topics but with much more helpful solutions are Girls on the Edge, Boys Adrift and The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sax.
The one positive thing I took from this book was from the introduction and that was the idea that even though we were teens ourselves we really don’t understand what it feels like to be a teen in today’s world. That’s really not earth shattering but it was a good reminder for me that I need to not assume I know what my kids are going through because I was their age once. As any other good parenting book will recommend, positive, open communication is vital to helping our children navigate this new world our children have to grow up in. I just wish I would have saved myself some time and frustration and stopped after the introduction.
Three books that cover these same topics but with much more helpful solutions are Girls on the Edge, Boys Adrift and The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sax.
November 16, 2020
Not sure if this book actually contains "everything you need to know to raise happy, healthy, stress-free teens" but it is a helpful little manual. It touches on a variety of topics without much filler and does have many useful tips.
May 10, 2022
I really can’t recommend this book highly enough to parents of teens and tweens. It’s full of understanding, practical advice, and insight into this new and strange landscape we find ourselves in raising teens in the digital era. Unlike many parenting books that seem aimed at terrifying parents or can leave us with a sense of helplessness, I appreciated Duffy’s approach based around a love for this generation and their unique strengths, as well as positive encouragement and specific advice to parents without underplaying the seriousness of the challenges our children face in the new age of anxiety.
March 26, 2022
I saw this book recommended on many parenting groups and decided I needed to read it. So I contacted the publisher for a review copy. I was not disappointed. I have three teens and this is definitely the age of anxiety. This book was published just before the pandemic which is surprising. It’s like the author knew more anxiety was coming. It’s perfect timing.
The book starts with painting the picture. Items discussed are the parent’s experience as a teenager is nothing like the experience of a current teenager. So many things have changed that it’s a different experience. So we don’t really know what it’s like. The New Teen and New Early Teen is discussed. Also covered is Self-Consciousness, Empathy, Social Media, Antidotes to Social Media, Emotional Bank Account and more.
Part Two is about addressing the issues. Anxiety, Mental Illness, Crisis, Alcohol, Drugs, Video Games, Relationships and Sex, Sexual Identity, Sexual Assault and Suicide.
Part Three is about filling your toolbox. What to do about all these issues. The Vibe in your home, Yeah it takes a village, music, sleep, when your kid seems awful and hope for the future.
If you have a teen or almost teen you will want this book.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
The book starts with painting the picture. Items discussed are the parent’s experience as a teenager is nothing like the experience of a current teenager. So many things have changed that it’s a different experience. So we don’t really know what it’s like. The New Teen and New Early Teen is discussed. Also covered is Self-Consciousness, Empathy, Social Media, Antidotes to Social Media, Emotional Bank Account and more.
Part Two is about addressing the issues. Anxiety, Mental Illness, Crisis, Alcohol, Drugs, Video Games, Relationships and Sex, Sexual Identity, Sexual Assault and Suicide.
Part Three is about filling your toolbox. What to do about all these issues. The Vibe in your home, Yeah it takes a village, music, sleep, when your kid seems awful and hope for the future.
If you have a teen or almost teen you will want this book.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
November 19, 2019
I received a complimentary physical copy.
I like how it is organized into manageable learning sections. I like the added exercises to help you really understand the topics. Very well presented.
I like how it is organized into manageable learning sections. I like the added exercises to help you really understand the topics. Very well presented.
July 10, 2022
Informative, if dull, parenting book about how to remember to be patient and loving with our teen kids, and why that's particularly important in today's overconnected, online world. I finished this awhile ago and never reviewed it, and the fact that I don't remember much more that I took from it other than to compliment my kid more, makes me only want to give it 2 stats, but I think I may return to the book again some day, so 3.
March 3, 2023
Fantastic. As a parent of a teen I really loved this book and what it talked about.
February 7, 2022
As a mental health counselor who works with teens and their families, I found this book to be insightful and clarifying. I've seen first hand the challenges John describes in this book and I think parents and therapists alike could benefit from the information found within.
September 16, 2025
Parent Friends: Stop what you’re doing and pick up this book. This is a MUST read. I listened to the audible version which was outstanding. It’s less about parenting children with anxiety than it is about understanding how many stressors exist for kids today that didn’t exist when we were growing up and why more and more children are facing challenges when they seemingly have all the love and support they need. It’s also focused on protecting your connection with your children through tween and teen years. The parenting tips were realistic. Highly recommend.
March 7, 2021
4.5 stars. Helpful perspective on why our kids are so stressed out. Easy to read and hopeful message.
August 24, 2020
Ergenlik çağında çocuğu/ çocukları olan her ebeveyn okumalı. Sanırım benim çocuklar büyüyene kadar işler değişir o zamana da yeni kitap yazar umarım.
August 9, 2021
This book really resonated with me. It was published in 2019 and felt very up to date about issues facing teenagers today. I have a 16 year old and felt this was very helpful in thinking about how I should respond to moods, decisions she makes, etc. (which I second guess all the time.) At times, it was scary to see issues facing teens so well described in print, but also hopeful and helpful.
One of my favorite quotes from the book and a summary of the main theme:
"With so many elements of her life drawing down her sense of self-worth, your Unconditional Positive Regard will prove to be the godsend that will provide a crucial layer of protection from the dangers you fear for her. So, it is urgent that you see past your fear in order to recognize where the value in your relationship lies.
She does not need your lecture. She already knows how you feel. Just ask her. She does not need your judgment. She is highly self-aware, and likely over-judging herself. She does not need your ire or unkindness. Her world is harsh enough as it is. Rather, she needs your light. She needs to know that, despite anything she feels about herself, anything she may do incorrectly, and any poor choices she makes, you are there for her, 100 percent, unconditionally. Your relationship with her can be her port in the storm of adolescence. In my opinion, that's the best parenting story you can possibly write."
One of my favorite quotes from the book and a summary of the main theme:
"With so many elements of her life drawing down her sense of self-worth, your Unconditional Positive Regard will prove to be the godsend that will provide a crucial layer of protection from the dangers you fear for her. So, it is urgent that you see past your fear in order to recognize where the value in your relationship lies.
She does not need your lecture. She already knows how you feel. Just ask her. She does not need your judgment. She is highly self-aware, and likely over-judging herself. She does not need your ire or unkindness. Her world is harsh enough as it is. Rather, she needs your light. She needs to know that, despite anything she feels about herself, anything she may do incorrectly, and any poor choices she makes, you are there for her, 100 percent, unconditionally. Your relationship with her can be her port in the storm of adolescence. In my opinion, that's the best parenting story you can possibly write."
October 7, 2019
Dr. Duffy presents the issues around parenting teens today in a reasonable, sane way--without the sky-is-falling-our-kids-are-ruined-because-of-the-internet fear that I read/see in many parenting forums and conversations these days. The world our teens in habit is very very different than the one in which we came of age and we need to be able to look at that word objectively, with open minds, and without letting our fears dominate us.
The main message of this book: open communication, non-judgmental listening, awareness, recognition of the good. It may be that I liked it because much of his advice is stuff I already do, but I appreciate the validation nonetheless.
One thing of note: he speaks frequently throughout the book to addressing issues and setting the tone in the pre-teen and middles school years (and even gives data about what middle-school-age kids are doing), but I fear the title leads parents to picking up this book once their kids are already past this stage when, in some ways, parents might feel it's too late.
The main message of this book: open communication, non-judgmental listening, awareness, recognition of the good. It may be that I liked it because much of his advice is stuff I already do, but I appreciate the validation nonetheless.
One thing of note: he speaks frequently throughout the book to addressing issues and setting the tone in the pre-teen and middles school years (and even gives data about what middle-school-age kids are doing), but I fear the title leads parents to picking up this book once their kids are already past this stage when, in some ways, parents might feel it's too late.
May 1, 2024
Even though many of the topics have been addressed in other books, some references shared were quite useful.
A must-read for parents of tweens, teens, and young adults.
"And when our kids become stressors we effectively disconnect from them and, in a sense, dehumanize them."
"If you can ease your parental anxiety, you hold that celebratory light together. It forms an indelible and lifelong bond that can not be broken by the most vicious storm of life experience. It's the secret essence of your connection and she can lean on that connection hard when that grade falls, or she does not make the cut or that bully post, or that date blows her off, or she just does not like the way she looks. She knows you see her. That is perfect for her. And just knowing that light glows, that deep spiritual connection she can breathe. Together you create the light that provides the strength to go on. This connection is bigger than kindness, and the most important, critical part of being a parent."
A must-read for parents of tweens, teens, and young adults.
"And when our kids become stressors we effectively disconnect from them and, in a sense, dehumanize them."
"If you can ease your parental anxiety, you hold that celebratory light together. It forms an indelible and lifelong bond that can not be broken by the most vicious storm of life experience. It's the secret essence of your connection and she can lean on that connection hard when that grade falls, or she does not make the cut or that bully post, or that date blows her off, or she just does not like the way she looks. She knows you see her. That is perfect for her. And just knowing that light glows, that deep spiritual connection she can breathe. Together you create the light that provides the strength to go on. This connection is bigger than kindness, and the most important, critical part of being a parent."
October 21, 2021
This is one of the better parenting books I’ve read about raising teenagers in a digital age. Lots of insight into why kids and teenagers today feel so much anxiety and depression. He gives good tips for combating these emotions, without having to police your children constantly on their devices. He accepts that phones and social media are here to stay—our kids didn’t pick the way things are and as far as they are concerned it has always been this way.
Lots of practical tips with the main theme of connecting and listening to your children while building the emotional bank account so you can require things when it is most important. It has a hopeful message!
I listened this first time, but I’m going to get my hands on a copy so I can take some better notes of those important conversations I might be missing with my kids.
Lots of practical tips with the main theme of connecting and listening to your children while building the emotional bank account so you can require things when it is most important. It has a hopeful message!
I listened this first time, but I’m going to get my hands on a copy so I can take some better notes of those important conversations I might be missing with my kids.
February 15, 2021
I don't love self help books, but as a parent, I do sometimes get sucked in to parenting books. This one was recommended to me. I am not sure how much of the information was new to me, but I liked that Duffy was realistic about allowing modern teens to live in the modern world. He did a good job at pointing out the realities and pitfalls teens face now, but he did not shame parents or expect them to take their kids off the grid, or eliminate technology and contact with their peers. He gave practical advice on raising kids in the world they live in rather than trying to pull them from it. I appreciate his honest but encouraging approach.
November 23, 2019
I highly recommend this book! It is practical, not preachy. The author has changed his thinking on a couple of current topics and I appreciate his candor and analysis. I read a few sections aloud to my kids - they were thrilled. But, honestly, it really is approachable and has a lot of information to think about as a parent or a teacher.
March 7, 2020
Brilliantly relevant and practical guide to navigating parenting/working with adolescents in the new age of anxiety. As an adolescent mental health professional in the school setting, this book sheds light on what I see every day and has plenty of eye opening content/practical solutions for how to get closer to the world of the teenager, even for someone who works with children daily.
June 13, 2024
I found this book to be a nice overview of issues facing teens today. None of them were new to any parent that's been aware for the past decade, though. And some (e.g. alcohol, drugs) were around when I was a teen. The main difference, the author contends, is the ever earlier age kids are exposed to all these deleterious things. I do appreciate the multitude of issues facing teens and kids today that simply did not exist in prior generations. I also appreciate that the author doesn't mince any words in the fact that none of them are going away, either, and to our kids things such as social media have just always existed.
Most the advice to counterbalance the negatives echo what I just read in Becky Kennedy's Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. So much so, that I have to think I picked up this book based on some recommendation within Good Inside. The main item is to build emotional capital with your kid so they feel safe enough to come to you when bad stuff happens. Everything else stems from that emotional bank account.
The book is divided into three parts. There's no real chapters, just sections within each part. The first section is about how different life is for teens now than when it was for parents. The second part details most of the issues plaguing teens; some are old and some are new. All of them are seemingly exacerbated nowadays. The third part is tactics for battling all the issues.
The main tactic seems to be keeping your kids occupied. Get them involved in sports is the biggest one, since it also serves to keep their bodies active in addition to their minds. I felt like a lot of the tactics were common sense or just commonly provided in every parenting book. That doesn't mean they are bad, just they weren't novel to me.
If you haven't read many parenting books, then this is a good one to pick up. If you want to dig deeper, though, I would recommend something like Good Inside.
Most the advice to counterbalance the negatives echo what I just read in Becky Kennedy's Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. So much so, that I have to think I picked up this book based on some recommendation within Good Inside. The main item is to build emotional capital with your kid so they feel safe enough to come to you when bad stuff happens. Everything else stems from that emotional bank account.
The book is divided into three parts. There's no real chapters, just sections within each part. The first section is about how different life is for teens now than when it was for parents. The second part details most of the issues plaguing teens; some are old and some are new. All of them are seemingly exacerbated nowadays. The third part is tactics for battling all the issues.
The main tactic seems to be keeping your kids occupied. Get them involved in sports is the biggest one, since it also serves to keep their bodies active in addition to their minds. I felt like a lot of the tactics were common sense or just commonly provided in every parenting book. That doesn't mean they are bad, just they weren't novel to me.
If you haven't read many parenting books, then this is a good one to pick up. If you want to dig deeper, though, I would recommend something like Good Inside.
March 8, 2021
This book has helped me, as a grandparent, to better appreciate the numerous challenges facing my grandchildren.
Before reading this book, I have to admit to feeling that all this talk of mental health crises, some even talking about it as another pandemic, was overblown. In fact I even said to my wife that people experienced far worse in the 2nd world war and came through that okay. I expressed the opinion that today's children have been mollycoddled and needed to face up to the fact that life is tough.
This book made me realise that my experience of growing up were nowhere near as challenging as the experiences of my grandchildren. The extent of alcohol and other drug abuse, exposure to pornography, pressures of social media, and inept parenting is mind-blowing.
The author does an excellent job of explaining how vitally important it is for parents (and grandparents) to ensure that NO MATTER WHAT they keep open the channels of communication with their children. They need to suspend their own anger, frustration, and judgement, and always be there for their kids with an empathetic ear. Easier said than done, of course, but essential to master.
I am so glad that I was able to raise my kids in a different era!
Before reading this book, I have to admit to feeling that all this talk of mental health crises, some even talking about it as another pandemic, was overblown. In fact I even said to my wife that people experienced far worse in the 2nd world war and came through that okay. I expressed the opinion that today's children have been mollycoddled and needed to face up to the fact that life is tough.
This book made me realise that my experience of growing up were nowhere near as challenging as the experiences of my grandchildren. The extent of alcohol and other drug abuse, exposure to pornography, pressures of social media, and inept parenting is mind-blowing.
The author does an excellent job of explaining how vitally important it is for parents (and grandparents) to ensure that NO MATTER WHAT they keep open the channels of communication with their children. They need to suspend their own anger, frustration, and judgement, and always be there for their kids with an empathetic ear. Easier said than done, of course, but essential to master.
I am so glad that I was able to raise my kids in a different era!
March 7, 2025
As a parent of a teenager, Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety hit me hard with a wake-up call. Dr. John Duffy doesn’t pull punches about the challenges this social media, smartphone, always-online generation faces, and I was floored by how little I knew about vaping, Juuling, and the long-term damage of cannabis—toxic chemicals wrapped in ‘cool’ tech blatantly marketed to kids. What alarmed me most is the flood of information our teens drown in, with media in many places veering into propaganda instead of truth, normalizing harmful choices as sophisticated. Duffy pairs this sickening reality with practical hope and ways to connect with my teen, making it a guide I didn’t know I needed. One small oddity: the Audible narration feels slightly mismatched to the author’s distinct perspective. Still, if you’re raising a teen today, this book is a must-read—it informs, inspires, and shakes you awake.
November 12, 2022
Highly recommend for anyone who interacts at all with teens to twenty somethings! Every word made me feel good and hopeful about parenting my teen. Especially appreciate the Emotional Bank Account, which echoes the Time In to prevent Time Outs I read about when my child was younger. I guess the biggest thing is that you can’t just take the best from how you were parented and add in new things you read about that reflect your values. You actually have to acknowledge that your teen’s childhood is completely different than your mostly analog one. Their minds are occupied on and built from different building materials, even if you think you raised them outside of the noise of the world. You’re the parent, but you’re most likely not the expert on the challenges they are facing. Anyway, read it!
July 3, 2023
I've got a teenager and a preteen both with their fair share of anxiety and while I don't put much stock in parenting books this one was on sale, was short and seemed worth a try. Overall it was pretty forgettable. A lot of the book was a tour of the modern teen which already seemed out of date. Did you some kids have fake Instagram accounts they use to hid content from their parents?! Did you know Juuling and Vaping are two different things?! Most of the suggestions struck me as either common sense (don't let your kids use phones so much) or dubious/inconsistent (give your kid freedom, but also make them play sports and get outside). The author also tried a little to hard steer towards their first book by hyping the "Emotional Bank Account" concept, which seems fine but again not particularly innovative.
December 8, 2021
Me pareció un buen libro, contiene temas muy amplios sobre lo que viven los adolescentes en estos tiempos, un libro actual y práctico. Buena lectura para padres.
Desde que se lee el título es fácil imaginar que será un tanto pesimista o fatalista; con solo la mención de la Ansiedad como un sello característico a estos tiempos; sin afán de minimizar la realidad, me preció algo radical (si algo malo puede pasar, va a pasar)
Da recomendaciones muy concretas, lo que me pareció curioso es que cada caso y recomendación concluía con la sugerencia de resolver mayores temas en terapia; no estoy en contra de la terapia especializada pero creo que abusó del recurso o al menos de la mención del mismo.
Desde que se lee el título es fácil imaginar que será un tanto pesimista o fatalista; con solo la mención de la Ansiedad como un sello característico a estos tiempos; sin afán de minimizar la realidad, me preció algo radical (si algo malo puede pasar, va a pasar)
Da recomendaciones muy concretas, lo que me pareció curioso es que cada caso y recomendación concluía con la sugerencia de resolver mayores temas en terapia; no estoy en contra de la terapia especializada pero creo que abusó del recurso o al menos de la mención del mismo.
January 30, 2023
If you were to make a survey about top 10 teenagers struggles, I think the answers will depend a lot of the responders. This book addresses teens problems from parents/adults point of view and puts a lot of emphasis that kids today do not play/read/dress the way you likely did it when you a kid. But, from my point of view, this is not necessary a bad thing. The book focuses more on the negative effects of today's world and society, but since we can not change it, there should have been advices on how to focus on the good parts.
There a lot of topics addressed in this book, not that many solutions tough: "connect free of fear, free of judgment".
There a lot of topics addressed in this book, not that many solutions tough: "connect free of fear, free of judgment".
October 22, 2021
Having teenagers and pre-teens now. Wow, I am an old dad already... This book really felt more relevant than that of the parenting books I have read in the past. Though I find them useful, I think this book hits on relevant topics. I can see this one really "pulling the wool" from the eyes of many parents. This book definitely gave me plenty to think about and to keep my eyes open for. Raising a teen can be challenging and feel out of your control. I think this book really helped me keep things in perspective and to not be naive about the world our kids inhabit today.
August 2, 2025
A thoughtful starting point for parents navigating adolescence. This book offers a clear and compassionate overview of the factors contributing to anxiety in teens today.
There’s no magic solution—just the enduring value of prevention, trust, confidence-building, and open dialogue.
As parents, our goal shouldn’t be to shield our children from every risk, but to equip them with the skills to face challenges with competence and resilience. Believing they’ll avoid all danger is a comforting illusion; preparing them to confront it is our real responsibility.
There’s no magic solution—just the enduring value of prevention, trust, confidence-building, and open dialogue.
As parents, our goal shouldn’t be to shield our children from every risk, but to equip them with the skills to face challenges with competence and resilience. Believing they’ll avoid all danger is a comforting illusion; preparing them to confront it is our real responsibility.
August 3, 2022
Gives good insights to what kids and teens are going through in this hike connected world. I can certainly see how teens can get stressed and anxious in this current wield we live in. I mean I feel stressed myself and I can only imagine what they must be going through. The book also allows me to appreciate the challenges they may be facing. A bit depressing to read actually and not so easy to act on either.
July 16, 2023
An excellent book that looks at the stark realities of the situation we're in, but provides actionable items for parents and a glimpse of hope going forward. Much of the advice aligns with my wife and mines current parenting methods, but I did learn some ways to build upon or improve what we do. The drugs and sex section will give you anxiety as a parent, but it is important to be informed and aware of what's out there. Key takeaway; build open and honest dialogue and trust with your kids now!
March 25, 2025
I would say my only negative criticism of the book is that the title uses the word "Teen" and that most of this information could be digested earlier for parents. I've tried some alternative titles but parenting the new "10 year old and up" just doesn't have the same ring to it. 😝
Seriously great read for those of us millennials that have no idea what to expect since we didn't grow up with this new social structure. It is a tremendous resource.
Seriously great read for those of us millennials that have no idea what to expect since we didn't grow up with this new social structure. It is a tremendous resource.
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