Terrible Thames

by Unknown Author

Paperback

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Reviews

[QNPoohBear · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is arranged thematically and each section is full of all the horrible history of things that happened on the Thames throughout British history. The sections are organized chronologically and the early histories are very bloody, gory and gross. I don't think my nephew will like those bits. He might enjoy the facts sprinkled throughout. The main draw for me was at the end in the 2020s section where they highlight some of the hidden histories of the sights on the Thames today like the story of the Golden Hind. I'm hoping my nephew heard those stories on the tour and will remember them when he looks at the book. The book also looks to the future - the stories yet unwritten about the Thames.

As always with this series, the tone is irreverent and there are inside jokes aimed at school children studying British history. While the jokes are funny, other kids not in the British school system, may not completely understand them. The comic style illustrations are a hoot and there are also diary entries, letters and newspaper stories illustrated within the text. I am very disappointed the book doesn't include a pull put color map of the Thames like the souvenir map from the boat tour. That was my whole reason for purchasing this book in the first place. It DID say it had a map but the map turns out to be a black and white sketch of Thames.

Introduction

Part I
Death on the Thames
1315 Foul Floods
1348 The Black Death
1381 The Peasants' Revolt
1483 The Princes in the Tower (I know this one thanks to Lucy Worsley!)
1163 Monk-Y Business on the Thames
1666 The Greatest Fire
1868 Lion Down
1898 Wave Goodbye
1940 The Bomber Blitz
1941 Weather or Not

Part II: Crime on the Thames
1215 Jolly John
1671 Blood on the Thames
1800s Stick in the Muds
1798 Water Law
1605 Powder Plotters
1858 The Great Stink and Parliament (I knew this one too! It's a widely known story.)

Part IV: Creatures on the Thames
1066 Raven Mad
This is one of several stories about the Tower of London. I hope my nephew will read it and remember visiting the Tower and remember the story of the ravens.
1150 Swanning About
1252 Care for Bears

Part V: War on the Thames
55 BC Roman Around
I read Rotten Romans but didn't know this story about elephants supposedly crossing the Thames. A story which turns out to be false for Caesar but true for Claudius - in AD 43, almost 100 years later!
AD 61 Revolting Brits
Queen Boudica. I saw a television program on her and this story makes her seem like an angry vengeful woman hell bent of revenge for not being allowed to take the throne but there's much more to the story than that! The Romans defiled her daughters and whipped her! Not appropriate for middle schoolers? Well none of this is really ... it's history and if they have to learn it, they might as well learn the truth. "Defiled" is a nice word that kids don't need to know the exact definition of. The story has been passed down from the Romans so who knows what's true and what's not.

AD 1016 Cnut and the Vikings
1215 King John and the Normans
1208 Matilda Killer
1142 Matilda Chiller
1642 The First Charlie (King Charles I, mention of America, tobacco, sugar and subsequent enslavement of Africans).
1660 The Second Charlie (Charles II)
1940 Bombs and the Blitz

Part VI: Crossing the Thames
1163 The Wonder of London (London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down...)
Terrible Toilets because what's a book for middle school boys without poop jokes?
1305 Heads You Lose
1387 Radcot Rout
1450 Cade Raid
1868 Hanging Out (A repeat story about Dickens objecting to the public hanging watch parties).
1769 Swingford Bridge Toll
1894 The Leaping Bus
1968 London Bridge is Moving Home (London Bridge is in America my fair dollar signs)
1843 Under the Thames (more bathroom jokes, Queen Vic builds sewers)

Part VII: Boats on the Thames
1785 Ships and Shalops
1837 Punishment on the Thames
1354 Dick and Docks (You mean the story of Dick Whittington isn't TRUE?! He was just a wealthy merchant and philanthropist?)
1535 Cleaning Up
1620 King Under Water
1883 Sickness on the Thames
2020s Boat Trippers
The Golden Hinde
The Cutty Sark

Part VIII: Fun on the Thames

1533 The Tudors and the Palaces
1608 The Great Frost Fairs
1609 Stuart Spectacle
1598 The Moving Theatre
1896 Nelson's Convoy (and we're back to death)

Epilogue Now and the Future
Finally some nice stories!

There's an Interesting Index in the back but no source notes.
This book is surely a hit with 11-13 year-old boys but it uses too much gross humor for my personal tastes. I like the snippets of the show I've seen and could have used those videos when I was studying History of London in London.