Quite possibly, quality-wise, the worst book I've ever read, though it's good for quite a few laughs.
In his On Writing, Stephen King says that a book's second draft should be its first draft minus 10 percent. Johnstone must have believed in the opposite, as this feels like a first draft of a novel, with all of its random plot digressions, meaningless characterization, and tacked-on characters, PLUS an extra 10 percent of shit that desperately needed to be cut. The most glaring example of this is in the last hundred and fifty pages, when Johnstone introduces not one, not two, but SIXTEEN new supporting protagonists into the story willy-nilly. Presumably to kill them off in gruesome ways, right? Nope. SPOILER but the grand majority of them... live?
The writing is atrocious. Here are three examples FROM THE SAME PAGE OF THE BOOK:
"Hands fumbled between her legs, fondling her, attempting to bring wetness to the dryness."
"Lucas's kicking and jerking startled the circle of men, almost as if they had suspected he would not do something like that."
"The blood gushed all over Lucas's T-shirt. Now Lucas's elbow hurt as well as his split knuckles."
You get over 400 pages of this, my friends. Here's my personal favorite from later on in the novel, which would give a freshman creative writing professor cancer:
"As Jan had done, David stopped by Louisa, looking up at the eyes. As a person is, when accustomed to dealing with that with which he has grown familiar, there was no fear in David as he looked at the eyes."
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN SAY
One extra star for the laughs, which come often, some intentional, most not-so-much. And another point for acting as some perverse inspiration for me as a writer... if Johnstone made a living writing (and apparently sold 50 million copies of his books?!), so can I!!