The Proper Care and Feeding of Zombies: A Completely Scientific Guide to the Lives of the Undead

by Mac Montandon

Here is a scientific look at zombies - and the ultimate guide to how the other half lives (or not). How fast and far would a zombie infection spread? What would a nutritionist say about an all-brain diet? Why are the undead so pissed off? Here are the answers to all of your essential zombie questions (you know you've asked them), with a lively, science-based exploration of every aspect of the undead.

The first book to examine the possible science of our undead brethren, from what a zombie brain looks like to why zombies don't get fat, this is a fact-based look at zombies through the lens of real science. It's a perfect gift for zombies (assuming they could read) and zombie-philes. Dripping with great zombie factoids and insights, The Proper Care and Feeding of Zombies will flesh out your understanding of the living dead.

Genres: Zombies, Nonfiction, Science, Paranormal

Audible Audio

First published August 26, 2010

About the author

Mac Montandon has written for the New York Times, New York, Details, and Spin, among others. He is the editor of Innocent When You Dream: The Tom Waits Reader, and founding editor of The Silence of the City (silenceofthecity.com). Mac lives in Brooklyn, New York, with his wife and two daughters.

Reviews

[Amy Webster-Bo · Rating 4 out of 5]

pretty funny book, about how to care for them, lol, i enjoyed it but i do love me some zombies

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Won in a goodreads giveaway!

This book is a fun, tongue-in-cheek read. It has everything you need to know to understand zombies.

It covers everything from the neurobiology of the zombie brain, and all aspects of anything zombie related you want to know including: The benefits and hazards of an all-brain-and-human-flesh diet, why zmbies walk and stalk before they run, plus helpful explanations for the humans who will live in the world with the undead. These include: "What They Don't Teach You in Health Class" (How far and fast a zombie infection will spread) and "You Gotta Shoot 'Em in the Head!" which advises the best weapon and how to fight zombies and how to practice to get the most accurate shot.

This bgook is a must have for every human. It should be read, and reviewed periodically to keep the information fresh in your mind. Because you never know when a zombie outbreak could occur.

[Kiki · Rating 5 out of 5]

<3 <3 <3 <3! Loved this book so much. So many of my favorite things were a part of it.. Zombies, science, references to other zombie books, zombie movies, scientific testing, videogames.... okay maybe no videogames. But other than that it was awesome.

I loved how the author compared some many things zombie to real life examples; Haitian voodoo, sex slaves, and ants. The section about the jewel wasps was so cool and made me feel a tiny (very, very tiny) bit sorry for cockroaches.

The chapter on sex was well done with tons of good info for you know... if (when) the zombie apocalypse happens and by some really, really off chance I get turned (doubtful).

I recommend this to anyone that loves zombies, science, and really cool books full of really cool information.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun quirky read just in time to get in for Halloween. Zombies are entertaining, and there are several different types that can be found in literature, movies and television. This book takes you along and shares those, along with scientific research relating to the zombie, everything from how and why they attack to how people become zombies and how zombies are created. A lot of fun, plus there are added portions that make it more entertaining like the zombie workout guide, mad libs and more.

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Do you guys want to finish this?"

"NO."

Very tongue-in-cheek, very pop-culture referential, which a dash of hastily researched science. We often like those things, but this one felt just to clunky and forced. We got halfway through this one and found we all really wished it was over. Moving on.

[Carson McClain]

This book does teach you about zombies and take care of them. It is almost like taking care of a pet but it's completely different because if something goes wrong you will die and become one of them. It shows you a bunch of different facts about them and what they eat and drink and how they function. I recommend this book for people that want to be ready for the zombie era.

[G. Edweird Cheese · Rating 4 out of 5]

A cool blend of zombies, pop culture and real science. I actually learned a couple things about parasites, horrifying as they may be.

[Dagnija · Rating 3 out of 5]

funny

[Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

On the face of it, this is a really great idea. It integrates pop culture with science and could be an excellent way to draw someone in and teach them a little. There are some great parallels drawn between zombies, cannabals, and even Innuits - in the diet section - and the first chapter on the brain, and how one could be damaged to produce a zombie like mentality, was really enjoyable. There are some cool little anecdotes and much of the information seems good.

My main problem is that I am reading as a biological educator, and I can see where the flaws lie in the science. It seems as if a little research has been done and in the efforts to dumb down the science, mistakes have been made. The part that particularly irks me is where rigor mortis is discussed. I'm sure a lot of you out there could care less that ATP is not an enzyme, and does not encourage calcium ions into the bone... in fact it is a molecule which can be broken down by an enzyme (called ATPase) and it helps the muscle microfilaments detach from each other by providing energy to this reaction. The point is, if you are trying to popularize science, you shouldn't be saying things which are wrong. Many of my A level students would be really very irritated by this inaccuracy too - after all, if at 18 they can get it right, why can't a science writer?

I was thinking that this would be a great book to keep in my department and give out to keen young biologists to get them thinking more about biology in different contexts, but there is no way now that I trust that the science is going to be right. I just can't hand out something which is wrong according to the exam syllabus they study (so even if the author knows something I don't, the exam boards would also disagree).

Furthermore, I also think that some sections have been heavily dependent on one or only two sources. While I appreciate that there probably are not many scientists who would be interested in contributing to a book like this, to go and see one person giving one lecture (as seems to be the case in chapter 1) and then write a whole section based off of that alone seems like taking the research a little easy.

By the end of chapter 3, I'm not too impressed. There will be people out there who think I'm being very picky at one small thing, but if something as fundamental to life as ATP is ill-described (without it, you will die as you have no means to provide energy to life processes) then who knows what else is wrong in here, and if you aren't going to check up to see what is true, then you're being misinformed. I actually can't stand to keep reading.

Only recommended for those who will be blissfully ignorant of the science.

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

“The Proper Care and Feeding of Zombies” by Mac Montandon is a very informational book about zombies and the science behind them. The book is not a story but rather a “scientific guide to the lives of the undead”. The chapters are broken up to explain every little aspect of the zombie species. The book explains the neurobiology, the dietary habits, decomposition of the body, reproduction, speed, science of the infection, and the possibility of an actually zombie apocalypse. The book covers everything from the post-traumatic stress disorder and phycology of the zombie brain, to the radioactive mutation and physics of the undead.
Mac Montandon has truly uncovered every little aspect of the zombie species. While I was reading this book, I kept on forgetting it was fiction. Montandon uses resources and scientific research to prove his theory of zombie mutation. For example, he relates the effects of schizophrenia to the zombie mind. “I think it is worth pointing out how, at least metaphorically, a schizophrenic’s troubled state does sound a lot like the zombie experience.” This book is also very funny and explains scientific topics that are easy to relate to and understand.
My rating of “The Proper Care and Feeding of Zombies” would be 2 out of 5 stars. I choose 2 stars because this book was very informative, but not my favorite. Although I do enjoy zombies, I found this book boring. I was not as motivated with this book as I have been with an action adventure book. It sounded a little too scientific, to the point where it lost my interest. I would have enjoyed this book a lot more if it had a plot line along with the informational facts which is why I did not appreciate the format. I would still suggest this to people who are interested in zombies. However, if they have a distaste for science, they might find it sounding more like a scientific paper rather then a zombie apocalypse.

[Toby · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of the better books about the science behind zombies, although at times I got the impression that the author had read a lot but not fully understood all of it - scientific mistakes showed up and the book dropped into pseudoscience. However it is fairly well written and while wordier yet less scientific than something like Zombie Science Z1 (I was a little disappointed to have two pages dedicated to describing the entire script of Peter Jackson's Braindead for example) it was certainly more comfortable with knowing who its indended audience is.
The book delves into the following areas: Neurobiology and brain function, the feasibility of an all-meat diet, the science of decomposition, sexual and asexual reproduction, the speed of zombies, modelling infection spread and predicting human survival likelihood, the science of sleep, parasites, trauma-induced psychological disorders, how zombies hunt, mutation and radiation, and the practicalities of ballistics and recoil. I was particularly interested to see the section on trauma-induced disorders, which is something that no other zombie book I have read has covered. The section on ballistics and recoil was also very good, detailed enough to be interesting and avoided the common approach of "get the biggest gun you can and mow things down".
The second biggest flaw of this book is inherent in the whole zombie genre - contradictions brought about by the different versions of zombies and the scientific evidence that most traditional zombie types could never exist. However instead of openly acknowledging these contradictions and hilighting them, this book seems to dip in and out of either side hoping that you won't notice.

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

A cute little book that would be perfect for people making their first foray into the ever-growing number of titles featuring zombies, the zombie apocalypse, and how to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. The author provides a primer for all things undead and cerebral ravenous. Zombies are explained in terms of things which are already present on earth. Along the way the reader is introduced the the wonders of the brain and brain chemistry, sleep deprivation and how its sufferers are similar to zombies, the spread of pathogens, cannibalistic funerary practices, parasitic creatures, insects that turn their prey into zombies, and the wacky world of firearms.

And some other stuff.

Those looking to chomp into a big heaping helping of zombie fun are going to be a little disappointed. Sure, there is plenty of zombtastic stuff (including a discussion of tetrodotoxin and its use in making "Voo Doo Zombies"), but this is really a smorgasbord of useful and interesting information. Many who have delved into the worlds of horror, forensics, and such will be familiar with it already. However, you know that aunt that always feels left out when the conversation turns to the inevitable Slow v Fast Zombies debate? Have her read it and she will fit right in.

[Sabrina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like the description, this guide is all in all, a guide. There is no real plot-line or story behind it all, just staight-out zombie facts. Want to know how the brain of zombie would be like? Or how about their feeding habits (when is their too much brains in one's diet)? I picked up this book at the library expecting a laugh but it was actually very informative and cited numerous sources including some from the works of Harvard. Or as the author would like to call it, the School of Geeks.

Overall, this book was quite fascinating and made be knowledgable on a subject I really had no previous interest learning about. The benifits of reading this particular novel ...

1) You can gross out your friends by telling them how a zombie's reproduction works (also helps you induce vomiting)

2) You have something new and actually interesting to research on when having to give a report on a non-fiction books. It IS nonfiction and teachers cannot deny that.

3) If you ever are in the event where a zombie: a) Attacks you, b) Is hungry or c) Is your new pet, this guide will answer all questions and give you the proper instructions for survival.

Have fun reading about the wonderfull lives of the undead!

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

For someone who doesn't know a whole lot about the whole zombie thing, I thought this book was pretty informative and very amusing. The first 40% of the book flowed smoothly but after that it became so verbose with medical terms that I had to read it in short bits to avoid feeling overwhelmed. But overall, I liked the book and would recommend it.

[Todd · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got this at the "50 cents a book" stand in Astoria thinking "Hey, it's about zombies. How bad could it be?"

It was bad. I don't even know how to describe it other than just bad. Don't waste your time.

[shinfu]

I have just won this book from First Reads. I look forward to reading it. Thanks.

[Lysiane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny and usefully book in case of Zombie apocalypse!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thinkg this book is sooooo frenching funny!

[Ruby Tombstone Lives!]

Yay Xmas presents!