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The Rules #3
The Rules(TM) for Marriage: Time-tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work
You did the Rules-And They Worked! You captured the heart of your Mr. Right and are, at the very least, engaged. Maybe you're married ... or perhaps you and your partner got together without the help of The Rules. Now You're Looking for Ways to Keep Your Relationship Happy and Healthy. The Rules For Marriage is Here! In this new book, the authors of The Rules offer forty-two time-tested tips for keeping your marriage healthy and happy. Some will sound familiar, others are completely new. But they all lead to the same wonderful future-the one in which you and your husband stay together forever! Discover: * Rule #4: Keep up your own interests (have a life!) * Rule #15: Say what you mean, but don't say it mean * Rule #21: Don't force him to "talk" * Rule #35: Don't find fault with things you knew about when you married him So whatever your marital problems, The Rules for Marriage can help.
218 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2001
77 people are currently reading
417 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
December 29, 2011
This book should be called how to have a marriage that sucks. I hated it. If I was married and it was like that I'd jump out of a window.
It's basically all about the man. The woman exists to obey, to do all of the heavy emotional work and take care of the children. It puts just enough feminism to fool women into thinking it's about being strong and confident, but it isn't. You can't really discuss things with your husband, you have to baby him, but he can ignore you. Everything is about one sided sacrifice.
How is that a healthy relationship? It isn't! It says nothing of abusive relationships either. Avoid. It's better to be single with a house full of rabbits and moths than have a marriage like this.
I got to add that the big trouble with books like this is that they push the idea that having a husband is more important than anything else a woman could be doing. It's more important than her sense of well being. It's unhealthy to have a relationship where only one person compromises. When the man doesn't want to listen to his heavy metal music using earphones which is what I would do, but the woman has to wake up early in the morning? What if she wanted to sleep late?
It doesn't seem like it's worth it to give up everything you want or need just because of some guy. You're not an empty shell if you don't have a man, you know.
It's basically all about the man. The woman exists to obey, to do all of the heavy emotional work and take care of the children. It puts just enough feminism to fool women into thinking it's about being strong and confident, but it isn't. You can't really discuss things with your husband, you have to baby him, but he can ignore you. Everything is about one sided sacrifice.
How is that a healthy relationship? It isn't! It says nothing of abusive relationships either. Avoid. It's better to be single with a house full of rabbits and moths than have a marriage like this.
I got to add that the big trouble with books like this is that they push the idea that having a husband is more important than anything else a woman could be doing. It's more important than her sense of well being. It's unhealthy to have a relationship where only one person compromises. When the man doesn't want to listen to his heavy metal music using earphones which is what I would do, but the woman has to wake up early in the morning? What if she wanted to sleep late?
It doesn't seem like it's worth it to give up everything you want or need just because of some guy. You're not an empty shell if you don't have a man, you know.
March 25, 2011
I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read this book. The rules for marriage apparently are do whatever your husband says, have sex with him whenever he wants, put his life before your own at all costs, don't share anything negative about your life with him- basically be a step-ford wife, no real emotions, no thoughts or likes or dislikes of your own.
This is the marriage survival guide for women who live on an Island with 700 other women only one man- the penalty being if you don't marry and stay married to him you die. This is the only time when you should take this advice seriously.
I laughed so much when reading this book, but inside I was crying for the death of so many innocent women's independence, for the lapse of feminism and for the horrible marriages that these women must suffer through pretending to be something they aren't.
This is the marriage survival guide for women who live on an Island with 700 other women only one man- the penalty being if you don't marry and stay married to him you die. This is the only time when you should take this advice seriously.
I laughed so much when reading this book, but inside I was crying for the death of so many innocent women's independence, for the lapse of feminism and for the horrible marriages that these women must suffer through pretending to be something they aren't.
January 29, 2011
They began with The Rules, a book that soon jumped to the top of the Times’ bestseller lists, following up with: The Rules Dating Journal, The Rules Note Cards, and The Rules II. Now, fresh from the press, the dynamic duo brings us The Rules for Marriage, as if Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider haven’t done enough already on how a couple should pursue their relationship – now they give us rules on how to stay together . . . or rather how the wife should submit to the husband to avoid divorce.
The book is best summed up with a complete list of the rules, which are as follows, along with some italicized and perhaps sarcastic commentary:
#1 Relax during the engagement and wedding.
#2 Continue to be a creature unlike any other (a CUAO).
#3 Keep up the good looks – but don’t go crazy.
#4 Keep up your own interests (Have a life!).
#5 Lower your expectations in the first year (I like this one!)
#6 Be a team.
#7 Give him fifteen minutes alone when he comes home.
#8 Be supportive.
#9 Let him win (another good one!).
#10 Accept that some things are none of you business.
#11 Try not to call him too much at work (for the overly-dependent types).
#12 Rarely return his gifts.
#13 Don’t expect a lot of sympathy from your husband (so true).
#14 Rules for fighting (something that has potential?).
#15 Say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly (men are very fragile).
#16 Don’t use the D (Divorce) word.
#17 Don’t scream, speak softly (yeah, you noisy women!).
#18 To compare is to despair – don’t compare him with other husbands.
#19 Don’t ask your single friends for marital advice (No, let the authors tell you).
#20 Have a family dinner at least once a week.
#21 Don’t force him to talk.
#22 Don’t hang on his every word.
#23 Do things you don’t want to do.
#24 He can say anything about his family but you can’t.
#25 Make him feel like he’s the most important person in your life (so true).
#26 Listen to his advice and try to appreciate it.
#27 Don’t try to do it all.
#28 Have a date night.
#29 Rules for sex (could be interesting?).
#30 Rules for pregnancy (alarm bells!).
#31 Don’t complain about the kids (no, that’s his job).
#32 Keep it to yourself (yes, expression is a bad thing).
#33 Don’t expect applause for doing chores (you’re a woman, apparently it’s your job).
#34 Don’t nag (because you’re so good at it).
#35 Don’t find fault with things you knew about when you married him.
#36 It’s easier to stay married than get married (what?!).
#37 Go on the Boot Camp Nice Plan for a week.
#38 Don’t go changin’ or try to hard.
#39 Don’t think marriage counseling is the answer (but it’s easier than reading this book).
#40 Realize that your marriage is over if he cheats even once (finally making some sense).
#41 Divorce with dignity (unlikely).
#42 Date ASAP after you divorce (O . . . kay).
#43 Rules for second marriages (oh hell no!).
And just in case that wasn’t enough for you newly-wed wives, there is also a list of further Rules, as well as Fifteen Extra Hints. So, if after going through all of The Rules For Marriage, you are unable to keep you marriage together, I think it really is time to call it quits.
Originally published on October 22nd 2001.
For over 500 book reviews, and over 40 exclusive author interviews (both audio and written), visit BookBanter.
The book is best summed up with a complete list of the rules, which are as follows, along with some italicized and perhaps sarcastic commentary:
#1 Relax during the engagement and wedding.
#2 Continue to be a creature unlike any other (a CUAO).
#3 Keep up the good looks – but don’t go crazy.
#4 Keep up your own interests (Have a life!).
#5 Lower your expectations in the first year (I like this one!)
#6 Be a team.
#7 Give him fifteen minutes alone when he comes home.
#8 Be supportive.
#9 Let him win (another good one!).
#10 Accept that some things are none of you business.
#11 Try not to call him too much at work (for the overly-dependent types).
#12 Rarely return his gifts.
#13 Don’t expect a lot of sympathy from your husband (so true).
#14 Rules for fighting (something that has potential?).
#15 Say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly (men are very fragile).
#16 Don’t use the D (Divorce) word.
#17 Don’t scream, speak softly (yeah, you noisy women!).
#18 To compare is to despair – don’t compare him with other husbands.
#19 Don’t ask your single friends for marital advice (No, let the authors tell you).
#20 Have a family dinner at least once a week.
#21 Don’t force him to talk.
#22 Don’t hang on his every word.
#23 Do things you don’t want to do.
#24 He can say anything about his family but you can’t.
#25 Make him feel like he’s the most important person in your life (so true).
#26 Listen to his advice and try to appreciate it.
#27 Don’t try to do it all.
#28 Have a date night.
#29 Rules for sex (could be interesting?).
#30 Rules for pregnancy (alarm bells!).
#31 Don’t complain about the kids (no, that’s his job).
#32 Keep it to yourself (yes, expression is a bad thing).
#33 Don’t expect applause for doing chores (you’re a woman, apparently it’s your job).
#34 Don’t nag (because you’re so good at it).
#35 Don’t find fault with things you knew about when you married him.
#36 It’s easier to stay married than get married (what?!).
#37 Go on the Boot Camp Nice Plan for a week.
#38 Don’t go changin’ or try to hard.
#39 Don’t think marriage counseling is the answer (but it’s easier than reading this book).
#40 Realize that your marriage is over if he cheats even once (finally making some sense).
#41 Divorce with dignity (unlikely).
#42 Date ASAP after you divorce (O . . . kay).
#43 Rules for second marriages (oh hell no!).
And just in case that wasn’t enough for you newly-wed wives, there is also a list of further Rules, as well as Fifteen Extra Hints. So, if after going through all of The Rules For Marriage, you are unable to keep you marriage together, I think it really is time to call it quits.
Originally published on October 22nd 2001.
For over 500 book reviews, and over 40 exclusive author interviews (both audio and written), visit BookBanter.
August 19, 2015
If I could give this book negative stars, trust me when I say that I would. This was facetiously recommended to me by a friend, who warned me that I would be offended. Even keeping that in mind the entire time wasn't enough to keep my mouth from dropping open at some of the advice. Some of the "gems" included:
1. Ask your husband once and never again to help with the kids (provided that you have kids), and if he doesn't want to, act like a single parent and DO IT ALL YOURSELF.
2. If you become pregnant, don't complain to him about any of those unpleasant symptoms or feelings you're having, because he's not interested. Let him in on the "fun" part of pregnancy, like feeling when the baby kicks. Why stress him out otherwise? He's going to be a daddy soon!
3. Whether you think it's fair, the fact is that your man controls your sex life, so you should adjust yourself accordingly.
Based on advice like that, why the hell would anyone ever get married? If women in marriages are meant to just watch their tongue, not do anything that might bother their partner, and live for everyone, why be married? Why not just be on your own? Following these rules, I imagine that you would feel pretty isolated, anyway.
If I followed all these steps, sure: My significant other and I would get along great, because it'd be a male-centric relationship. But if I don't follow them--if I break out of the template and do my own thing, if I call him when I want to, if I actually speak my mind--then we won't work out?
I even told my parents--still married for 25+ years--about the book, and they were equally annoyed. My mom pointed out, "If a woman is doing everything that the man is doing, then she is equally involved in that relationship." On a lighter note, my dad said that the book was "phooey," which amuses me, since he's not the type to ever utter that word.
I'm not delighting in the author's misfortune, but in a sense, I'm glad that her marriage failed. If she was following her own rules, then that means this book is a failure, as well, and I think we can all take a little joy out of that.
1. Ask your husband once and never again to help with the kids (provided that you have kids), and if he doesn't want to, act like a single parent and DO IT ALL YOURSELF.
2. If you become pregnant, don't complain to him about any of those unpleasant symptoms or feelings you're having, because he's not interested. Let him in on the "fun" part of pregnancy, like feeling when the baby kicks. Why stress him out otherwise? He's going to be a daddy soon!
3. Whether you think it's fair, the fact is that your man controls your sex life, so you should adjust yourself accordingly.
Based on advice like that, why the hell would anyone ever get married? If women in marriages are meant to just watch their tongue, not do anything that might bother their partner, and live for everyone, why be married? Why not just be on your own? Following these rules, I imagine that you would feel pretty isolated, anyway.
If I followed all these steps, sure: My significant other and I would get along great, because it'd be a male-centric relationship. But if I don't follow them--if I break out of the template and do my own thing, if I call him when I want to, if I actually speak my mind--then we won't work out?
I even told my parents--still married for 25+ years--about the book, and they were equally annoyed. My mom pointed out, "If a woman is doing everything that the man is doing, then she is equally involved in that relationship." On a lighter note, my dad said that the book was "phooey," which amuses me, since he's not the type to ever utter that word.
I'm not delighting in the author's misfortune, but in a sense, I'm glad that her marriage failed. If she was following her own rules, then that means this book is a failure, as well, and I think we can all take a little joy out of that.
December 25, 2014
This book can be summarized as "accept your husband the way he is, and don't nag him." Though I suspect many women will not like this advice, I think most men would agree with the advice on this book.
December 18, 2012
Ok, I don't write reviews usually! But I JUST HAD to write this because I'm shocked at how differently I'm seeing this!! I read it over 6 months ago & didn't think much if it.. But now that I'm married, I have a significantly different view.. I'm finding most of what's in this book to be VERY wise & it's hard to appreciate the wisdom of it if you're not married for a while.. Whoever read this book should realise that this book is assuming you're married to someone you love & adore and that you have made a conscious decision to keep loving & adoring this person even if he's not the nicest human bring on earth & honestly you do NOT feel like it (which is bound to happen!) he's your husband! Not your friend, colleague, or sibling! I strongly recommend (Why Talking Is Not Enough) & I'm giving this book one more star :D
June 6, 2016
More entertaining (unintentionally) than helpful, this was much like a lighter version of Dr. Laura's marriage books. The authors seriously come right out and tell you in the beginning that you are not to compromise or try to work with your husband on your marriage. No marriage counseling, definitely don't let him know you are reading the book or ask him to consider issues in your marriage. Men, according to the authors, are incapable of doing relationship work. It is your job, women, to do ALL of the work. Men are not capable of change, sensitivity, personal growth, and why should they? Really. This is the main idea, and they aren't kidding.
What work, you may ask? Do as he says, stroke his ego, NEVER turn down sex, have more sex, be kinkier, watch porn with him, pretend he's perfect, pretend your kids are perfect (they even tell you to NEVER complain to your husband about the kids...he needs to see you as a perfect mother who can handle the kids without his unnecessary input), never bring up issues (just pretend the issues aren't there!), and rely on your girlfriends or a therapist if you continue to have silly moments of unhappiness with your marriage. You should never vent to your husband or reveal any discontent. In fact, if you catch yourself fighting, just say, "How about we just have sex?"
This book is kind of like a Stepford handbook for wives who want to keep their husbands. Always remember....it's much easier to be married than single. And if your husband divorces you? They advise to IMMEDIATELY begin dating multiple men. They say this whole baloney about "finding yourself" or "taking a year off from men" is rubbish. The only way to get over a man after divorce is to find another one. And don't forget a refresher on the rules for dating....
And the part I loved the most about this book was.....they weren't kidding. I will try to remember that if I'm unhappy for any reason, I just need to have sex. Why didn't I just figure that out on my own? Huh. I could've saved myself a lot of heartache!
What work, you may ask? Do as he says, stroke his ego, NEVER turn down sex, have more sex, be kinkier, watch porn with him, pretend he's perfect, pretend your kids are perfect (they even tell you to NEVER complain to your husband about the kids...he needs to see you as a perfect mother who can handle the kids without his unnecessary input), never bring up issues (just pretend the issues aren't there!), and rely on your girlfriends or a therapist if you continue to have silly moments of unhappiness with your marriage. You should never vent to your husband or reveal any discontent. In fact, if you catch yourself fighting, just say, "How about we just have sex?"
This book is kind of like a Stepford handbook for wives who want to keep their husbands. Always remember....it's much easier to be married than single. And if your husband divorces you? They advise to IMMEDIATELY begin dating multiple men. They say this whole baloney about "finding yourself" or "taking a year off from men" is rubbish. The only way to get over a man after divorce is to find another one. And don't forget a refresher on the rules for dating....
And the part I loved the most about this book was.....they weren't kidding. I will try to remember that if I'm unhappy for any reason, I just need to have sex. Why didn't I just figure that out on my own? Huh. I could've saved myself a lot of heartache!
August 3, 2012
I picked this book up while I was doing laundry and I found it compelling. In the same way that you are sometimes compelled to look at the seen of a horrifying accident and cannot pull your eyes away.
The authours seem to believe that men are these fragile creatures and that unless you are willing to "let him win" and let him determine every aspect of your marital lives from your sex life to the medications that you take he is most likely to fall apart or leave you.
At best this book encourages lying by omission at worst downright dishonesty.
There is the odd piece of good advice (most of it in the final section containing "More rules from happily married women" but all in all this book does not seem like it would foster a healthy, honest and open relationship with your spouse.
It's definitely not recommended.
The authours seem to believe that men are these fragile creatures and that unless you are willing to "let him win" and let him determine every aspect of your marital lives from your sex life to the medications that you take he is most likely to fall apart or leave you.
At best this book encourages lying by omission at worst downright dishonesty.
There is the odd piece of good advice (most of it in the final section containing "More rules from happily married women" but all in all this book does not seem like it would foster a healthy, honest and open relationship with your spouse.
It's definitely not recommended.
August 24, 2020
I agree with author in many points. To have a happy relationship, instead of changing other, it is better accept who they are, and focus on ourself. For women, treat husband like a customer and put them first. Once men are happy in relationship, they will do their best at work, get promoted and higher salary, then it is benefit women.
However, I don’t agree at 2 points in the book:
- once he cheated, the relationship is over: I don’t think so. When men cheat, there are many reasons that come from both men and women. Why at first, he loved her so much, and now he cheated? Because the wives did not fulfill her husband what he needs, so he found someone to get what he is lack of at home. It takes time to heal the relationship and make it work
- dating right after divorce to forget hurts: I think it’s not good at all. Finding other guy to replace what women lost after divorce? Absolutely it would lead to another worsen relationship when women are not calm and heal the pains. Before dating again, that person should be balanced and be her best, and she will find a good guy. My motto is focusing on yourself instead of finding someone to make us better.
However, I don’t agree at 2 points in the book:
- once he cheated, the relationship is over: I don’t think so. When men cheat, there are many reasons that come from both men and women. Why at first, he loved her so much, and now he cheated? Because the wives did not fulfill her husband what he needs, so he found someone to get what he is lack of at home. It takes time to heal the relationship and make it work
- dating right after divorce to forget hurts: I think it’s not good at all. Finding other guy to replace what women lost after divorce? Absolutely it would lead to another worsen relationship when women are not calm and heal the pains. Before dating again, that person should be balanced and be her best, and she will find a good guy. My motto is focusing on yourself instead of finding someone to make us better.
October 9, 2020
It's about what you expect if you're familiar with the Fein-Schneider duo. I actually don't disagree with a lot of their advice though its nothing I haven't heard before. It probably would have been better to read it as a newlywed rather than on the eve of my 10th wedding anniversary.
There are definitely some cringe-worthy moments. I think the Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr Laura is probably better as far as "traditional" pop marriage advice books go, but it's not as comprehensive or as well organized (also her book is more critical of women, whereas this one is more "in the sisterhood"). Honestly, a good therapist and Gottman's books are really the best route for serious marriage advice, but sometimes you just need a fiery sermon to make more of an effort, no? If so, this isn't a bad option if you lean more traditional in your gender roles. If you don't, why are you even reading this book... You are doomed to indignation!
On a side note, I thought the list of good reasons to get divorced was a pretty good shortlist. Some will take exception to their zero tolerance stance on infidelity, but I can see why they take it.
There are definitely some cringe-worthy moments. I think the Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr Laura is probably better as far as "traditional" pop marriage advice books go, but it's not as comprehensive or as well organized (also her book is more critical of women, whereas this one is more "in the sisterhood"). Honestly, a good therapist and Gottman's books are really the best route for serious marriage advice, but sometimes you just need a fiery sermon to make more of an effort, no? If so, this isn't a bad option if you lean more traditional in your gender roles. If you don't, why are you even reading this book... You are doomed to indignation!
On a side note, I thought the list of good reasons to get divorced was a pretty good shortlist. Some will take exception to their zero tolerance stance on infidelity, but I can see why they take it.
August 28, 2018
Сложно сказать, чего это мне взбрело в голову прочитать эту книгу. Но кому-то она может оказаться полезной. Я бы сделала такое заключение по этой книге:
- Не ссорься и не придирайся к мелочам.
- Заботься о семье, но не забывай про себя.
- Делегируй и не загоняй себя.
Как говорят модные женские гуру, надо быть в ресурсном состоянии. Если вы не знаете, как это и вышеупомянутые гуру вызывают у вас всяческие подергивания глаз, эту книгу можете читать более-менее спокойно. Никакой эзотерики и юбок в пол там нет.
- Не ссорься и не придирайся к мелочам.
- Заботься о семье, но не забывай про себя.
- Делегируй и не загоняй себя.
Как говорят модные женские гуру, надо быть в ресурсном состоянии. Если вы не знаете, как это и вышеупомянутые гуру вызывают у вас всяческие подергивания глаз, эту книгу можете читать более-менее спокойно. Никакой эзотерики и юбок в пол там нет.
April 16, 2022
It annoyingly erased my review but bottom line is that if you’re looking for a husband I’d say the advice holds up.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 5, 2021
While cleaning at home, I came across this relic from the first year of my marriage... 20 years ago. Some of the advice admittedly does seem sexist and out-of-date. Some of it, though, is gold. A neighbor of mine, married 50+ years, once told me that marriage isn't 50/50; it's 70/70, and I think that's what a lot of this book is getting at. Yes, marriage is about putting the other person first most of the time. It's not about being independent and asserting your needs at all costs. While I do get where the 1-star reviewers are coming from, I wonder if they are married and, if so, how long they have been. If you read this, I would say to ignore the parts that are offensive to you, and run with the ones that are not.
July 5, 2020
What in the world is this?!?!?!? I’m sorry but not everyone has a doctor/lawyer/businessman husband with a white-collar job and a secretary. Much of these “rules” make zero sense. And no, wives shouldn’t already give sex as much as the husband wants. When i finally read the line about “perhaps your parents grew up during the depression” I started to understand. (My grandparents grew up during the depression). This boos definitely written by another generation for another generation, don’t be fooled by the copyright.
July 30, 2017
Такие книжки надо сразу при регистрации в ЗАГСе выдавать)
August 20, 2018
I can’t write any description about it, the only thing that I can say “ this book is highly recommended “
👌✨❤️🕊
👌✨❤️🕊
May 17, 2020
Fabulous guide for marriage
This is a fabulous guide about how to turn a successful dating relationship into a happy and lasting marriage. 5 stars!
This is a fabulous guide about how to turn a successful dating relationship into a happy and lasting marriage. 5 stars!
August 1, 2024
Great rules for marriage.
November 25, 2015
Читала эту книгу не ради практических знаний, а как социологическое исследование.
Результаты очень интересные:
- все советы в духе, ты должна идти на жертвы (которые авторы заботливо оборачивают в определение "компромиссы", но ведь компромисс - это движение навстречу от двух участников процесса)
- что делать с мужем из книги не ясно, зато ясно чего не делать (не разговаривать, не настаивать на своем, не нервировать, не просить, не пилить, не отводить к семейному психологу)
- что делать женщинам в решительно плохих ситуациях: представлять себя матерями-одиночками (и справляться самим), жловаться подругам на мужа (но не в коем случае не жаловаться мужу на него же), оставит ьмысли о раздельном бюджете.
В целом, конечно, некоторые отрывки заслуживают отдельного цитирования (потому что дикие и домострой), например: "на вечеринки ходите вместе или не ходите вовсе. Заставьте(!) себя пойти на свадьбу его двоюродной сестры, хотя вы там никого не знаете и в выходные вам предстоит переделать кучу дел. Если мужу не по душе идти на Новый год к вашей подруге, то не заставляйте его и не ходите сами(!!)."
По итогу, у меня осталось четкое ощущение того, что как бы ты не поступала, если ты в результате этих действий как-то не ущемляешь себя, то поступаешь ты явно не верно. "соглашайтесь на все, что он вам предлагает, если это не причиняет вам время (видимо авторы имеют ввиду физический вред, о моральном не идет и речи) и если вы способны это вытерпеть".
Я не думаю, что это все вольности перевода, скорее всего они имели ввиду именно то, о чем писали. Для нормальных и чувствительных людей эта книга может показаться оскорбительной. Для девушек, которые привыкли вести себя со всеми отвратительно, и прочитав, эту книгу хотя бы на 15-20% перенимут приемчики "настоящих жен", их жизнь ,несомненно, станет лучше.
Все эти советы - не попытка докопаться до сути проблем в браке, а лишь их маскировочка, которая в долгосрочной перспективе ни к чему хорошему не приведет.
Отказать.
Результаты очень интересные:
- все советы в духе, ты должна идти на жертвы (которые авторы заботливо оборачивают в определение "компромиссы", но ведь компромисс - это движение навстречу от двух участников процесса)
- что делать с мужем из книги не ясно, зато ясно чего не делать (не разговаривать, не настаивать на своем, не нервировать, не просить, не пилить, не отводить к семейному психологу)
- что делать женщинам в решительно плохих ситуациях: представлять себя матерями-одиночками (и справляться самим), жловаться подругам на мужа (но не в коем случае не жаловаться мужу на него же), оставит ьмысли о раздельном бюджете.
В целом, конечно, некоторые отрывки заслуживают отдельного цитирования (потому что дикие и домострой), например: "на вечеринки ходите вместе или не ходите вовсе. Заставьте(!) себя пойти на свадьбу его двоюродной сестры, хотя вы там никого не знаете и в выходные вам предстоит переделать кучу дел. Если мужу не по душе идти на Новый год к вашей подруге, то не заставляйте его и не ходите сами(!!)."
По итогу, у меня осталось четкое ощущение того, что как бы ты не поступала, если ты в результате этих действий как-то не ущемляешь себя, то поступаешь ты явно не верно. "соглашайтесь на все, что он вам предлагает, если это не причиняет вам время (видимо авторы имеют ввиду физический вред, о моральном не идет и речи) и если вы способны это вытерпеть".
Я не думаю, что это все вольности перевода, скорее всего они имели ввиду именно то, о чем писали. Для нормальных и чувствительных людей эта книга может показаться оскорбительной. Для девушек, которые привыкли вести себя со всеми отвратительно, и прочитав, эту книгу хотя бы на 15-20% перенимут приемчики "настоящих жен", их жизнь ,несомненно, станет лучше.
Все эти советы - не попытка докопаться до сути проблем в браке, а лишь их маскировочка, которая в долгосрочной перспективе ни к чему хорошему не приведет.
Отказать.
May 18, 2018
Начала читать эту книгу без особых ожиданий. Казалось, что все прочитанное я уже знаю. Эту книгу мне посоветовала прочитать психолог. Для себя выбрала около 10-15% из всей книги. Просто, понятно о тех вещах, о которых я сама иногда забываю в браке. Выписала несколько выражений для себя:
Не будьте перфекционисткой. Лучше подремать полчасика и оставить несколько дел не сделанными, чем падать от усталости и орать на домашних в безупречно чистом доме.
Взрослые принимают жизнь и людей такими, каковы они есть. Говорят, что нет жертв, есть только добровольцы. Помните: вы сами вышли за него замуж!
Поймите, что, выйдя замуж, вы приняли этого мужчину таким, каков он есть, со всеми его достоинствами и недостатками. И вы должны отвечать за собственное решение. 😁😁😁😁
Вряд ли буду перечитывать, но как лёгкое чтиво из раздела популярна психология пойдёт.
Не будьте перфекционисткой. Лучше подремать полчасика и оставить несколько дел не сделанными, чем падать от усталости и орать на домашних в безупречно чистом доме.
Взрослые принимают жизнь и людей такими, каковы они есть. Говорят, что нет жертв, есть только добровольцы. Помните: вы сами вышли за него замуж!
Поймите, что, выйдя замуж, вы приняли этого мужчину таким, каков он есть, со всеми его достоинствами и недостатками. И вы должны отвечать за собственное решение. 😁😁😁😁
Вряд ли буду перечитывать, но как лёгкое чтиво из раздела популярна психология пойдёт.
June 6, 2016
They had a couple of good points, however, they constantly fall back upon the wife dong most of the compromising. Put all your feelings, dreams, wants, and desires aside. Don't ask where he's been, don't insist he help with the children (pretend you're a single parent if he doesn't jump to it the one time you're allowed to ask), tell him to enjoy the strip club, never say no to sex, just forget about that dream vacation you've always wanted if he's not into it, do whatever/go wherever he wants to go, etc. You get the gist.
This seems like the main way to keep a marriage together is by possibly making yourself completely miserable and resentful towards that narcissist you chose to spend the rest of your life with.
This seems like the main way to keep a marriage together is by possibly making yourself completely miserable and resentful towards that narcissist you chose to spend the rest of your life with.
March 12, 2008
I found this when one of my roommate's left it when she moved; apparently, all the women in her family had passed this around for years...it is HYSTERICAL...and maybe i just liked it because the girl in the beginning who "does it right and effortlessly" is Melanie...:)
April 14, 2016
A co-worker lent me this a few years back and told me it was a must read for every married couple. We had pretty different outlooks on life. Some of the rules suggested are pretty universal, although there were some I just couldn't even begin to consider.
April 30, 2009
This book contained some good advice.
September 7, 2016
I read this book as cultural artifact to see what messaging women were receiving at the end of the 20th century and was pretty amazed at how embarrassing this was.
Want to read
September 2, 2008Marriage
Read
January 4, 2018Interessante rileggerlo a scopi didattici, sempre ultra becero.
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