Who Is a Worthy Mother?: An Intimate History of Adoption

by Rebecca Wellington

Nearly every person in the United States is affected by adoption. Adoption practices are woven into the fabric of American society and reflect how our nation values human beings, particularly mothers. In the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v. Wade, the renewed debate over women’s reproductive rights places an even greater emphasis on adoption. As a mother, historian, and adoptee, Rebecca C. Wellington is uniquely qualified to uncover the policies and practices of adoption. Wellington’s timely—and deeply researched—account amplifies previously marginalized voices and exposes the social and racial biases embedded in the United States’ adoption industry. The history of adoption is rarely told from an adoptee’s perspective. Wellington remedies this gap by framing the chronicle of adoption in America using her own life story. She describes growing up in a family with which she had no biological connection, giving birth to her own biological children, and then enduring the death of her sister, who was also adopted. As she reckons with the pain and unanswered questions of her own experience, she explores broader issues surrounding adoption in the United States, including changing legal policies, sterilization and compulsory relinquishment programs, forced assimilation of babies of color and Indigenous babies adopted into white families, and other liabilities affecting women, mothers, and children. According to Wellington, US adoption practices in America are shrouded in secrecy, for they frequently cast shame on unmarried women, women struggling with fertility, and “illegitimate” babies and children. As the United States once again finds itself embroiled in heated disputes over women’s bodily autonomy—disputes in which adoption plays a central role—Wellington’s book offers a unique and much-needed frame of reference.  

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, History, Memoir, Parenting, Sociology, Feminism

232 pages, Hardcover

First published April 9, 2024

Reviews

[Lindsay Nixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried often reading this book; having felt so seen as my experiences as an adoption survivor were shared in the words of others.

While there has been some reform since my adoption, non-familial adoption is still largely trauma and exploitation.

This book will change how you think about adoption, particularly celebrity adoptions.

It is not savory. The truth about adoption is not the fairytale you’ve been led to believe. We are not lucky.

There needs to be massive reform both with laws and practices as well as attitudes and treatment of adoptees.

It broke my heart to read about the people who were adopted by whites and their additional grief and pain for the loss of their most truest identity.

I can only relate a little. I am French and Jewish but was handed over to Italian Catholics. From a very young age I rejected being Italian and the Catholic religion. It was a constant source of contention and anger. Many efforts were made to push me into submission and acceptance. I refused but yet also felt so sad I did not have the histories, cultures, and ties to ancestors my friends had. Years later when I would finally learn I was French and Jewish, a serene peace came over me. While I have since learned French and am converting to Judaism, I still feel so much grief because I will always and forever feel like I have an accent, that I am a foreigner in a foreign land. I will never be Jewish the way others are Jewish. There is still so much pain from grief and loss. This is a small pain compared to the life damaging pain of those taken from their homeland or tribe and given to white peoples.

Last note: Legally changing my name back to what it was on my original birth certificate was magical. Those closest to me, upon learning my real name, whooped and cried in their own relief. One close friend said, “yes that is your real name. I always knew deep down your name wasn’t Lindsay which is why I’ve always given you a nickname” ❤️‍🩹 she calls me by my real name now and hearing her say it is the most beautiful melody to my ears. Every little piece of me I get back saves my life.

Please read this book.

Thank you netgalley for my ALC!

Other terrific books to read : the turnaway study and American baby.

If you are anti abortion or think it’s “fine” if abortion is outlawed because the mother can just give the baby up for adoption, you desperately need to read one of these books.

[Sara Easterly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebecca Wellington’s unique intersection of personal experiences make this book quite compelling—with her lived experience as an adoptee, as a sibling to an adopted person and birth mother, as well as a mother herself. She’s also an historian, so able to educate on adoption history as well as place herself and her family’s story within it.

One of the many things I appreciated in WHO IS A WORTHY MOTHER? was the author's insights into motherhood – who is judged as unfit to mother and has the privilege of being judged as a fit mother. She writes extensively about the shame, secrecy, and demonizing that has existed toward those deemed "unfit," particularly poor, unwed, Black and Brown immigrant women. Wellington's writing on this dark history of adoption with influence on current practices of adoption should be a wake-up call for the dire need for industry reform.

I also appreciated that Wellington included adoptee-advocacy pioneers such as Jean Paton, Florence Fisher, and Sandy White Hawk, as it's crucial to know our whose shoulders we stand upon in the adoptee advocacy movement.

Wellington bookends each chapter with compelling personal stories that include riveting sailing adventures and heartbreaking memories of her adopted sister, Rachel, who struggled with addiction, as can so sadly be a part of many adoptees’ experiences.

An important read!

[Elizabeth Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

This thoughtfully composed book is a history lesson on adoption and a memoir of the author's adoption. It includes stories of herself and other adoptees who advocate for change in the adoption process. She interviews many leaders in the adoption community and shares their stories and commitment to change. The book is a journey that includes stories from her years aboard a sailing ship, where she matures and finds a sense of belonging. She shares stories of her sister and how their lives went in different directions. She notes that her children are her first known biological relatives. All her insights are reflected in the text as a person with strong abilities to research the history and show the many ways adoption policy has failed adopted children over so many decades.

It includes extensive notes and a bibliography for those wanting to delve further into what has brought adoption to its depths and, finally, rays of hope for the future of children who, in the past, would have been let go and sent away.

I highly recommend this book as an engaging and enlightening read.

[Brittany Holloway · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly believe anyone who works with kids should be reading this book. Professor Wellington gives us a deeper understanding and outlook on the history of adoption in this country while incorporating personal anecdotes. She doesn’t shy way from the truth or even the more gruesome, uncomfortable truths. This book is 100% worth reading to get up better idea of our country’s history in adoption, women’s rights and body autonomy.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Wellington has written a most admirable, thorough account of the history of adoption in the U.S.A.
Her personal experience is well documented as well as amazing. She opened my eyes to the trauma that some adoptees encounter. She balances her story with the metaphor of the sea anchor. The book begins with a gripping recounting of the beginning of her ocean voyage in a violent storm, so the reference to the sea anchor is a fitting balance. (She signed onto a two-year sea-going experience after college.)
Dr. Wellington includes many details of procedure and problems related to adoption. The book reviews thought-provoking and heartbreaking research about her family situation, including being adopted by Jewish parents, and many complications that ensue. She had an adopted sister who had a traumatic life that ended tragically prematurely. She covers Indigenous family separations in the late 1800s-1900s when many children were forcibly sent to boarding schools taken directly from their parents.
The goal of their adoption was to assimilate the children into the dominate white culture. Also, she discusses the "transnational" adoptions of Korean-American, and other Asian children's adoptions.
Many children were actually kidnapped in order to be sent to an adoptive family, who knew nothing of the real situation.
"To Be A Worthy Mother" relates to a pattern of sterilization in the U.S.A. for "undesirable" out of wedlock mothers and the practice of eugenics.
Her message is for adoption to be open, honest and a choice between the birth mother to voluntarily give up her baby and for the adoptive parents to know the circumstances and background , so the child has access to his/her heritage.
Dr. Wellington currently has a loving family with her husband and two daughters. She has become
"A Worthy Mother".
Jean Childs

[Briann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who is a Worthy Mother was an interesting and informative read. The author synthesizes historical facts with her own experiences as an adoptee. While I enjoyed the book, I believe it could have gone deeper into potential reform methods. As somebody who has thought about adoption, it has given me many points to consider.

Some historical topics included in the book are orphan trains ran by the CAS, “Outing Program” by Pratt meant to convert indigenous children, IAP also meant ot deal with the so-called “Indian problem,” Bill for Relief of Certain War Orphans, transnational adoption, Operation Babylift, the Black community practice of Black adoption, sterilization programs, maternity homes, and the Baby Scoop Era.

[Lena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow, such an eye-opening take on adoption. Truly, I learned so much and feel so bad for so many people. I never knew about the terrible history of adoption in our country and it makes me incredibly sad. It also makes me quite angry and worried about the future with the overturning of Roe. A good, informative read for anyone, adopted or not, a mother or not.

[Bethany Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful and at times maddening, but overall an interesting read

[ringo · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was, I believe, my first book on adoption. :') was a very touching book and gave a very valuable perspective to something that has always been hailed as a 'fix' for lack of abortion access. really neat book and i look forward to expanding my knowledge on this topic !!

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Somehow won this in a goodreads giveaway! Thank you to the author & publisher. I am highly recommending this to fellow adoptees. The book is a mix of the author’s insights and lived experiences, personal stories, and historical facts about adoption in the US. It is well-written and lays out a strong historical viewpoint on how adoption and fertility, and the mainstream ideals of family planning, continue to impact the rights of women and children and the ways race, class, and religion play a part in adoption and family making.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not the type of book I normally read, but the title really intrigued me so I requested the ARC. BOY am I glad I did! This is so fascinating, heartbreaking, and eye opening. I was horrified by all of the things I did not know about our government and the horrendous things they've done to women. This is so well written. It is a great balance of facts and the authors personal experiences to further cement how serious the implications of adoption are. This was presented wonderfully and I would recommend to anyone interested in adoption or anyone wanting to know more about the hardships women have endured in this country. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Kat Dixon · Rating 1 out of 5]

There have been enough egregious acts performed under the umbrella of adoption that it's easy to label adoption as a practice "bad" and call it a day. But it's also lazy and dangerous.

If this book is taken as gospel, you'd think that all adopted children are stolen babies whose otherwise suitable mothers were wrongfully coerced into giving up their beloved offspring. And to Wellington's credit, I've known a number of adoptees who, like Wellington, were adopted at birth who buy into this narrative. But it's important to remember that the average age of adoption in the US is six.

I come to this book from a very different adoption experience than Wellington does. As a child who was ~finally~ removed from an abusive family, I would have given anything to be the baby Wellington was: adopted at birth into a loving home. As such, a lot of the content (or, rather, a lot of her framing of content) rubbed me the wrong way: namely that biological is always better and that the rights of birthing mothers should supersede the rights of the children who have to bear those mothers.

I found icky the way Wellington continually conflates her own adoption experience, as, again, a White baby adopted at birth into a loving home, with truly abhorrent acts like reeducation programs for indigenous children or the forced sterilization of Black and Brown women. I found icky, too, her absolute insistence that every. single. woman. who has ever given up a baby for adoption suffers an insurmountable trauma in doing so. There's really no room for nuance or alternative perspectives in this work.

The same is true of her read on transnational adoption. She writes of the Holts in Korea and, by extension, all transnational adoption as a one-sided industry that only considers the needs of adopting parents, but she writes without any consideration of the deeply entrenched taboos surrounding adoption and adoptable children (and children-turned-adults) in Korea and the often harsh realities children face as they age out of government support unadopted. She fails too to explore recent governmental efforts to restrict transnational adoption (they did) and encourage more domestic adoption (they didn't). Sure, it's easy and maybe theoretically good to take a principled stance against transnational adoption on the whole, but real children suffer for that principle. There is, however, no mention of them in these pages.

This book fails both as a history and as a memoir. It is, instead, a repetitive and unconvincing patchwork of sad adoption and adoption-adjacent stories unsuccessfully contained within Rebecca Wellington's personal story, much of which takes place at sea. I do feel for Wellington, though, and for other adoptees-at-birth who fall victim to the mystery of their origins and let that question mark shape their lives.

[Patti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Note: Thank you to NetGalley, University of Oklahoma Press, and Rebecca Wellington for the advanced reader copy of the book. This review will also be posted on NetGalley. What follows is my unbiased review of the book.

For many years, babies have been looked at as a “clean slate” and children who were separated from their family during infancy were thought to be malleable to fitting in with whatever home they were placed in. More and more in the nature vs. nurture debate, it is clear that both play a significant role in developing a sense of self and for adoptees who have been cut off from their biological history it makes it harder to come to terms with one’s identity.

In the book Who Is a Worthy Mother? author Rebecca Wellington tackles the history of adoption in the United States and the many missteps it has made along the way. Dating back to the days of “orphan trains” to the west, many children were separated from their families by well-intentioned social workers who thought they were doing the right thing removing children from a poverty-stricken upbringing in the inner city. Others had a more nefarious attitude, knowing that the agencies they worked for only made money when an adoption was completed, and would say and do anything to separate what they deemed an unworthy mother from her child.

Wellington covers the history of adoption in a way I had never read before. As a product of the “baby scoop” era following World War II, I knew a lot about those days from talking to other members of the Triad (birthmother-child-adoptive parent) online throughout the years. I did not know the background of what led to the changes in this era. Wellington fills in a lot of the history of how social workers developed as a profession, and what their reasoning was in removing children from homes where a mother wasn’t considered “worthy.” Usually, that meant single, white, and unmarried.

To read my full review, please go to Who Is a Worthy Mother: An Intimate History of Adoption by Rebecca Wellington

[Katja K. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebecca Wellington’s riveting book artfully interweaves historical account and autobiographical story, showing just how deeply the political, social, and legal conditions of adoption affect personal lives. While today’s narrative most often focuses on adopting parents, Who Is a Worthy Mother places birth mothers at the center. Wellington makes the complete erasure of her own birth mother from her life the starting point for her research on the history of adoption –the closed adoption practice in place at the time of her birth literally removed her birth mother's name from the birth certificate, as if she did not exist. Moving through her own history and the dramatic, painful effects of adoption on her and her sister’s life, Wellington folds in historical research on adoption policies and practices, including the painful histories of the 19th century orphan trains, the forced adoption of American Indian children, and the multi-million-dollar industry of transnational adoption. Her analysis shows how adoption regulations have been historically entrenched in the politics of power, and have determined who is considered a worthy mother and who is not along the lines of gender, race, and class. Wellington’s research is historically accurate (as an academically trained historian, her work is meticulously researched) and easy to understand. The connection with her personal experience makes this book especially powerful, showing the reader the costs of adoption practices that shame and silence women, especially poor women, Indigenous women, and women of color. While she is left with the void of not knowing her birth mother, the thorough, careful reconstruction of the sociopolitical conditions of adoption leads Wellington (and the reader) to a better understanding of birth mothers and their decisions, the politics of adoption, and the regulations of women's bodies. In a post-Roe world, in which the question about who is a good mother and who is not, is once more negotiated, this is an urgent read.

[hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who Is a Worthy Mother? is an interesting blend of memoir and history. In it, the author explores the history of adoption in the U.S. while also discussing her own family and adoption story. She talks about the resilience of her birth family's ancestors, her adoptive sister, Rachel, and about the birth of her two children. She also details the U.S.'s complicated history with orphan trains, residential schools, kinship care, and transnational adoption and its origins in war. All of this circles around the main question for which the book is named: who is a worthy mother? And perhaps more specifically, who does the U.S. view as a worthy mother?

The answer will not be a surprise to some, but this was still a great read. It's quick (less than 200 pages), informative, and doesn't shy away from some of the issues that I think many people considering adoption pretend not to see. The adoption industry is often complicated, at times predatory, and unfortunately riddled with barriers for the adoptees and birth families.

In addition, the book is contextualized in 2022 with the overturn of roe v. wade, and Wellington discusses the Supreme Court's ruling and its impact on adoption.

While the book does not really offer many (if any) thoughts or path towards reform, it does shine a light on some of the grim realities of adoption in the U.S., especially in terms of race, wealth, and gender. I'd recommend this book to anyone considering adoption for a quick, honest overview of the history of adoption in the United States.

Thank you to NetGalley and University of Oklahoma Press for the eARC!

[PJ]

Wellington's historical and personal insights are a needed addition to our understanding of adoption in the U.S.--and beyond. As an adoptee and a historian, I found this book enlightening, easy to read, and important. I have also heard her present on her book and highly recommend that experience to others.

Adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents all have individual stories and Wellington's is a welcomed addition to what is available elsewhere. In addition to being an adoptee, I'm someone whose daughter placed a child for adoption and who has another daughter who fostered, then adopted a child. The intersections of those experiences with Wellington's work are also a reminder that adoption touches all of us and policies and practices surrounding it have a history. That history is not necessarily pretty but it's important to know.

I was born and adopted in California, so am unlikely to find out much more than the nothing I know, even as I have always known I was adopted. But my daughter was able to retain contact with her child after adoption and my other daughter knows a lot about the mother of the child she fostered and adopted and can share information over time. Not that those changes resolve ongoing problems, but still, changes occurred because of brave people who have said NO to the practices Wellington reveals. She also shows us she is one of those brave people.

In a world where adoption is yet again talked about as a "solution" to the so-called "choices” women are decreasingly allowed to make, this work is more important than ever.

[Cheyenne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, NetGalley and TantorAudio for this audiobook for review. Apt to have read and reviewed this for Mother's Day. Who is a Worthy Mother? This book discusses the history of adoption as the author herself was adopted and has no ties to her biological parents. She was only told her biological mother was in grad school and gave her up to finish school. The author's sister was also adopted. The author speaks to how adoption has shaped her life and her sister's life, and their decisions growing up. It has been brought forth by Republicans recently how adoption can be the answer to decrease abortions rates (but instead this is forcing women into the trauma of birth and then giving up their infants). The author discusses how adoption has been hidden secrets so children don't know their history and how this can harm them. This book was a fascinating look at adoption throughout the decades and how the US has previously used stealing children to create perfect families and how possibly, yet again, we are moving towards that by using adoption as a means to get rid of abortion to create families by hurting poor and impoverished women.

[Monica Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Professor Rebecca Wellington’s book is a thought-provoking and essential read for anyone involved in adoption or working with children. Blending personal stories with well-researched history, Wellington dives into the often overlooked aspects of adoption in the U.S., addressing the biases and policies that have shaped the system.

Part memoir, part historical analysis, the book recounts the author’s own adoption journey and her conversations with other adoptees and advocates. Wellington sheds light on the need for a more compassionate approach to motherhood and adoption, while also offering a rich collection of notes and resources for further exploration.

Wellington’s book is both insightful and eye-opening, encouraging readers to rethink their views on adoption and to consider the lasting impact it has on all involved.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great piece of well-researched nonfiction blended with memoir about all the various ways women and children have been and continue to be abused, stereotyped, and unfairly judged in the U.S. in the adoption process. The bit that will stay with me forever is how when the author has her first daughter and cradles the baby in her arms, she holds the only person she knows to whom she is related by blood. I also won't soon forget babies being stolen from indigent families and sent to the Midwest to labor on family farms, and white-savior mentality justifying deculturalization.

[Alisun Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes a title captures the true essence of a book and that is certainly the case in Rebecca Wellington's stunning memoir: Who is a Worthy Mother: An Intimate History of Adoption. With the insights of a historian and the humanity of an adoptee, a mother, and a sister she disrupts the dominant narrative of adoption. Wellington achieves something monumental -- interweaving the history of adoption, centering the traumatic experience of those often marginalized in adoption narratives -- birth mothers and their children. The book is exquisitely written -- it will open your eyes and your heart.

[Ruth Garcia-Corrales · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who is a Worthy Mother? By Rebecca Wellington a memoir and well research document on the history of adoption in the United States. She correlates today’s US Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v. Wade to the history of women’s reproductive rights and adoption. The book is a must read to understand how history repeats. How she tells her story of seeking for her birth parents changes when she finds a community, a sea anchor and her own family.

[Abby Jacobson · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a history professor & adoptee, Rebecca offers factual history to the complex topic of adoption, a process she has lived & learned from. Her book is a much needed tome on a topic seldom touched upon. Her voice resonates within the adoption community as well as recognizing how important connections are to community in general, the one source of constant adoptees are often removed from. Her book is a must read for anyone who life has been touched by adoption.

[Alex Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebecca’s framing of the history of adoption by her own experiences helps bring the unadopted reader into a world we can only imagine. As a teacher, who has multiple students who were adopted, this book sheds light on some of the struggles these students have experienced. As I watch the struggles between the adoptive parents and the child or the child and their peers, I have a better understanding of how to best support them.

[Caitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great research and insight. As an adoptee, this was a powerful story.

I do not necessarily agree with all of her conclusions or her opinions on abortion, but I set that aside and tried to stick to her main points about the adoption process and history in modern America (the previous +/- 120 years).

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written/researched, intersectional, and the dual threads of the author’s own experiences woven with the larger history of adoption in the US make for an incredibly compelling read. [review based on the ARC]

[Kelly Pramberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

A highly detailed book about adoption full of personal accounts of families. I am an adoptive mom and read about adoption regularly. This was a pleasure to gain more insight into an adoptee’s world. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Coco Wellington · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am amazed at how beautifully Rebecca Wellington weaved her personal story it to the history of adoption in America. She has an incredible gift that she was able to share with the reader

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This informative book about adoption is framed by Rebecca’s personal and moving experiences.

[Kate Reasoner · Rating 4 out of 5]

🎧4/5 ⭐️

I wanted to read this book since adoption is close to me. This is a great history on adoption, beyond just the Georgia Tann era.

It questions what those in charge of policy and social narrative ask, what is “standard American family” and who gets to decide if you meet that definition? Reading through history feels like a sci-fi book of events that could not be possible, but is the true unethical history of adoption.

The author compares adoption to Native American assimilation (ex:to the adoptive family culture, to blend in and be grateful). The authors description made a clear point of comparison to that of the Native American history, and also how assimilation schools are also part of adoption history.

Fighting poverty through sterilization and adoption projects. Not allowing woman autonomy over her fertility decisions. Forced sterilization to breed out defects. Using manipulation and coercion as the core of forced adoption. The mentality to prevent pregnancy and parenting is eye opening at the determination of social acceptance.

While this book is about adoption it is more about how policy, laws and social support play into family preservation, especially among indigenous people, people of color and the poor. Over time the narrative that has been fed to people has changed the view community has on adoption. Birth mothers moved from endangered to dangerous, and by no surprise adoptions more than doubled during this time. Refocusing the narrative on the adoptive parents as savior mentality or even a patriotic duty.

The topic was interesting and I quickly listened to this book. Even if adoption isn’t close to your heart, but especially if it is, I recommend reading this book. The historical social injustice and what feeds the industry today has to be understood to prevent unethical behavior in the adoption industry and our current laws and regulations.

[Gayle Swift · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the title of her excellent book, Rebecca Wellington asks a pivotal question: Who is a worthy mother? Her well-documented research spotlights factors that usually remain unacknowledged or dismissed. The history of the policies, beliefs, judgments, and decisions determining which women are deemed entitled to parent their children reveal that they were based on a narrow and biased lens.

Little or no attention was given to the cultural norms and traditions of non-northern Europeans. Her analysis shows that often the desire to convert children and “civilize” them in ways that erased their cultures, family connections, and traditions often held a higher priority than their welfare.

The calculus of the “costs”/benefits that adoption confer on a child was entrenched in a viewpoint of adoption as totally benign. It disregarded the life-long trauma to both birth mothers and adoptees and minimized the intense losses and grief they experienced.

But of course, those losses are far from trivial. Our support systems for and analysis of mothers’ worthiness need a substantive overhaul. We must prioritize the needs of mothers and their children over the yearnings and needs of prospective adoptive parents.

This book provides a much-needed historical perspective that exposes many uncomfortable truths about the motivations, policies, and practices that have shaped our cultural thoughts and beliefs about adoption, birth mothers, and adoptees. Everyone connected to adoption should read it.

I received an ARC of this book and this review is my unbiased opinion.

—Gayle H. Swift, author; Reimagining Adoption: What Adoptees Seek from Families and Faith;
ABC, Adoption & Me;
We’re Adopted, So What?