A/S/L

by Jeanne Thornton

A transformational, transformative story about videogames, three queer friends, and the code(s) they learn to survive, from the winner of the Lambda Literary Award for Trans Fiction

It is 1998; Lilith, Sash, and Abraxa are teenagers, and they are making Saga of the Sorceress, a game that will change everything, if only for the three of them.

18 years later, Saga of the Sorceress still exists only on the scattered drives of its creators. Lilith might be the first trans woman to ever work as an Assistant Loan Underwriter at Dollarwise Investments in Brooklyn. Sash is in Brooklyn as well, working as a research assistant and part-time webcam dominatrix. Neither knows that the other is there, or that Abraxa, the third member of Invocation LLC, is just across the Hudson River, sleeping on the floor of a friend’s grandparents’ Jersey City home. They have never met in person, and have been out of touch for years, but none have forgotten the sorceress, or her quest, still far from finished.

This new book by Lambda Literary Fellow Jeanne Thornton, one of trans America’s brightest literary stars, queers our notion of nostalgia as it expertly blends literature with technology.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Queer, Contemporary, Transgender, Adult, Literary Fiction

496 pages, Hardcover

First published April 1, 2025

About the author

Jeanne Thornton is the author of Summer Fun (Soho 2021), The Black Emerald (Instar 2014), and The Dream of Doctor Bantam (OR 2012). She is the copublisher of Instar Books and the editor, with Tara Madison Avery, of the Ignatz Award-winning We're Still Here: An All-Trans Comics Anthology. Her fiction has appeared in n+1, WIRED, The Evergreen Review, and more. More information is at www.jeannethornton.com.

Reviews

[Jillian B · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s 1998, and teenagers Sash, Lilith, and Abraxa are building what they’re sure is the greatest video game the world will ever see. They’ve never met in person, but they’re both best friends and coworkers on their shared creative project. That is, until Lilith goes silent and drops out of their group chats. Then Sash dissolves their “company” and puts the project on hold. The three go their separate ways, leaving their game unfinished.

Fast forward to 2016: Abraxa is a bohemian with no permanent address and some troubling mental health problems. Lilith is chasing a corporate career and dealing with the pressures of being the only trans woman at the bank she works for. And Sash is a bit of a loner, still living at home and eking out a living through intermittent sex work. But the three old friends are about to find one another again…and all of their lives will be turned upside down.

I really enjoyed this book! It’s told from all three women’s perspectives and interlaced with chat logs and game maps. I think this one will especially resonate with older millennials who were teens in the nineties—but as someone about half a generation younger than the characters, I still got a lot out of it. The ending was especially moving and had me on the verge of tears—and I am NOT someone who often cries because of books! All of the characters are complex and richly developed, and even when they made bad choices, their motivations made sense. I loved watching them interact and seeing the impressions they made on one another. I definitely recommend this one to lit fic fans and nostalgic gamers alike.

Thank you to Soho Press for the gifted ARC!

[Alwynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Publisher, editor and author Jeanne Thornton’s novel deals with fractured friendships and the complexities of navigating the world as a trans woman. Three queer teens Abraxa, Sash and Lilith meet online in the late nineties, the internet is still a new phenomenon, a space that enables a retreat from the everyday where they can immerse themselves in fantastical ways of being. They find CraftQ which allows them to design their own games, working on one together until something causes them to suddenly break away. Eighteen years later they’re no longer in touch, adults struggling to survive what life throws at them. Abraxa is homeless, gradually losing touch with reality, she retreats into her own version of her childhood game. Sash lives with her parents, online dominatrix gigs barely paying her way. Lilith has a more conventional existence working in a bank but even so everything around her feels on the verge of falling apart. Then, by chance the three cross paths.

Thornton’s inventive, often moving, story builds on online trans communities she encountered in her own youth. Her piece is suffused with intricate recreations of chat room talks, tech design and gaming culture. The structure’s partly inspired by Hironobu Sakaguchi et al’s 1990s RPG Final Fantasy VI. There are some wonderful passages particularly in the first half of the novel – I especially liked Lilith’s sections. But towards the end it started to feel stretched thin and slightly meandering, it could easily withstand substantial trimming. So, by no means perfect, yet a strangely compelling read that was more than worth the time.

Thanks to Netgalley and publisher Dead Ink

Rating: 3/3.5

[casey]

DNF @ 22%
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!

The easy comparison here considering this is a story about following friends who make a video game together is of course tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. I’d say if you found that one “too technical” on the gaming side though, this executes that ten fold. You get chat logs, diagrams, and pretty detailed explanations on a game level from our mcs. I do think all of this together caused the story to become a bit bloated and unfortunately no matter how many times I tried to pick this back up it just wasn’t sticking for me. Granted the commitment to the lit/tech blend is what makes this unique and that’s tough to pull off in a general sense (where the mere mention of a video game gets people claiming a story is “too gamey” i.e TATAT), let alone as detailed as this is (at least to the point where I had dnf’d). I do like the overall idea behind this though, the rise of stories following how people are shaped and find identity online is one i find really interesting as it’s something I've experienced myself. + while this wasn’t for me, I can see people really loving this.

[Maia · Rating 5 out of 5]

In 1998, teenagers Abraxa, Sash, and Lilith meet in a chat room and decide to try and make a video game together. But not just any game- Saga of the Sorceress would revolutionize the world. Despite time, talent, vision, artistic and coding skills, they never completed it and they never met in person. As adults, all three have come out as trans women and are to greater or lesser extent haunted by their teenage dreams and failures. Chance and circumstance draw the three women closer and closer together, though none of them are aware of the other's proximity- divided by class, by trauma, and the Hudson river. This is a deeply moving and effective novel that roves into teen obsessions, online relationships, creative collaboration, sex work, homelessness, the meaning of community and support, spiritual psychosis, trans life, connections build, broken, and lost. It's incredibly grounded in the online and gaming experiences that shape all of the character's world views and thought patterns, and it's also very beautifully written and stylistically/formally intriguing without ever feeling like it's showing off. I read this with queer book club of primarily trans people who have been Very Online for a long time and it hit for all of us.

[Danika at The Lesbrary]

I don’t consider identity a spoiler, so I’ll mention that all three main characters are queer trans women, though they didn’t know it as teens. As adults, they’ve lost touch and are living very different lives. Lilith has just gotten a promotion as a loan underwriter at a bank. Abraxa is pretty nomadic, bouncing from place to place. Sash lives with her parents and makes money as a webcam dominatrix.

Despite the time that’s passed, they all are haunted by their incomplete game, Saga of the Sorceress. Unbeknownst to them, they’re also now all living in or near New York City, and as Abraxa becomes unhealthily obsessed with the figure of the Sorceress and what she represents, their lives are poised to collide again.

A/S/L is an absorbing, thoughtful read—though I didn’t think it needed to be 500 pages. It’s melancholic, which made it drag by the end for me. I was especially worried about Abraxa, and I was hoping for more closure. Still, it’s an insightful, ambitious, memorable story that I can tell the right reader will be absolutely obsessed with.

Full review at the Lesbrary.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received an e-ARC from netgalley.

A story following three queer kids who once upon a time tried to make a video game together until one of them stopped coming online and the project was disbanded soon after. Now, 18 years later, we meet the characters as adults and get to see how they have changed: Lilith, trying to use scout mentality to find her footing in a cis world, Sash, who is a part-time webcam dominatrix and still lives with her parents, and Abraxa, mentally ill and homeless and slowly losing her connection to reality as she descends deeper into the world of the unfinished game.
While we only spend a little time with the characters as teenagers, I really found that part quite interesting. Even though I wasn’t familiar with online communities in the 1990s, I found it fun to explore how friendships and communities formed and fell apart. However, the bigger part of this novel takes place in 2016 in an America where Trump hasn’t yet been elected President (but will be during the course of the story) and follows our three main characters as they try to get through their days, diving deep into their various mental states. So if you don’t really connect with the first part of the story and the chatlogs and the very detailed descriptions of video game creation, don’t worry: that’s just the beginning of the story, it does change a lot and become a lot more accessible.
One thing I particularly enjoyed with this story is how it explored the concept of sanity and madness and the very thin line between them. Abraxa, who is treated as insane by everybody around her, holds a similar dream of building a safe haven as a corporate cis woman, who applies for a loan at a bank. One of Lilith’s trans friends votes for Trump, but then acts horrified when he attacks trans people. Sash longs for community with other people, but acts in ways that make others distrust her and finds herself more and more isolated. The line between over-the-top paranoia and the actual lived experience under transmisogyny and trauma born from it is thin and dissolving constantly and I found that incredibly intriguing to read.
While I agree with some reviews that at points the story felt too long (this book is 500 pages long and not that much happens) and the ending felt a bit too abrupt, I have to say I enjoyed that too. Life (and stories such as these, which are quite lifelike) do not need to tie up in a neat little bow to be enjoyable and as I let myself get carried away by Abraxa’s, Sash’s and Lilith’s experiences. I also really enjoyed getting to see the characters as closeted/gender-questioning teens and how the story then skipped over the whole coming out and transitioning processes to their adult and out selves only hinting at what happened in the time between. It reminded me a lot of Any Other City by Hazel Jane Plante in that way.
If you like stories exploring video games or older internet culture, you will love the first part of the story. If you enjoy messy trans women and an exploration of (some of) the ways they carve out a survival in a fucked-up world, you’ll love the second part of the story. I really enjoyed it and am very glad I read it.

TW: domestic abuse (minor), drug use, fire, homophobia (minor), intrusive thoughts, psychosis, suicidal thoughts, transphobia, unreality

[Chris Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I don't think we get free by settling all our debts to one another. I'm not a debt to settle; neither are you. We get free by something else: by recognizing that what we do to one another is forever. We are what we are to one another. I am what you did to me-—you are what I did to you. Despite everything, I like who I am. I hope you do, too.”

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so engrossing and vivid and wonderful. I was especially devastated by the IRC chatlogs and other old-Internet ephemera. It's the ultimate video game novel.

edit: upgrading to five stars because it's the best thing I read this year.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A/S/L follows three trans women, first as teens in the 90s who meet online designing their own video game and then as adults in 2016 when their lives intersect again. Sasha, Lilith, and Abraxa first meet in chat rooms and team up to design their own video game based on their favorite world Saga of the Sorceress. The three teens (not publicly out as trans to each other) never meet, and their game is never completed. As adults in 2016, Lilith has a job at a bank, Sasha lives at home and works as an online dominatrix, and Abraxa squats in an abandoned church as she increasingly retreats into the world of the game she helped create as a teen. The three begin to circle each other once again, as Abraxa descends further into unreality.

I really liked how this explored the trans experience through the world of video games, with the worldbuiding, avatars, anonymity of online spaces, and the act of creation itself attractive to each girl. The adult timeline was a tougher read for me, as each character is dealing with disappointments and trauma, and because we spend so much time in Abraxa's mindset as fantasy and reality meld together.

[Rosamund Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating, complex novel, about three trans women who originally met as teenagers online in 1998. Together, they planned to make a video game that would change the world, but their company fell apart before they could make very much. Though their friendship is brief, they have a deep impact on one another, and they can't forget about each other, though, in 2016, when we meet them again, they are living very different lives. Abraxa, though ferociously talented, drifts from place to place, sleeping on friend's couches, and keeping all she owns in a duffle bag. Lilith has worked hard to become a respected bank worker, and, though lonely, has a certain safety net that Abraxa's lacks. Meanwhile, Sash, determined and disciplined, lives with her parents and struggles to leave the house; desperately lonely, her meagre income comes from online sex work. Jeanne Thornton places these voices beside one another, showing the pressures on transgender women, and the struggle to find a way to live genuinely. For those of us who grew up in the 90s/00s, there is a lot to relate to in this book: Jeanne Thornton captures a particular era, and a particular online culture. Her characters have great depth, and I feel like I knew each one of them personally. This is a very impressive narrative: Summer Fun, Thornton's first novel, is a great book, but A/S/L expands on its themes in a way that is intelligent and feels very fresh.

[Katie Menear · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who grew up as a queer lonely teenager on the Internet looking for a community online has to read this book.

Short summary: three queer trans teenagers meet through a video game chat room and attempt to make a game together, which ends up being abandoned. These three main characters, now all adults in their 30s who have transitioned, end up meeting again and exploring their past and present relationships with eachover through their joint connection of an old videogame project.

This book feels so raw and real, and you can tell the author had poured a lot of her own experiences into this novel and its written with a lot of love.

All the characters feel incredibly well developed and unique, and their motivations and reactions to many of the events in the book are deeply explored. This book is messy and beautiful and I love how the characters try their best to care for eachover and themselves, and hurt eachover in the process.

The only reason I rated this 4/5 is due to the quite heavy use of coding language which I'm not familiar with, but this feels like quite a harsh reason to drop the rating tbh, and I'm sure a lot of computer / videogame development nerds will eat this aspect of the book up.

[Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book because it sounded like it could be a queer version of Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, but it let me down. It was super long, much longer than it needed to be, and just felt like it dragged on and on. It was also confusing at times and hard to keep up with, something that is definitely at least in part due to the fact that I listened to the audiobook and there were IRC chats, emails, texts, and code that were read out loud and hard to follow in that format. The audiobook was also narrated by the author, which normally I would enjoy, but this time it just didn't work for me. The author seemed new to narration and the pacing of the reading kept throwing me off. She also kept taking huge breaths in the first chapter which was jarring and kept pulling me out of the story. I appreciate that she was able to bring her own characters to life the way she imagined them, but I just couldn't really get into the audiobook at all. Regrettably, this book was a miss for me.

[Mia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why did I rate this book 5 stars? It's like nothing I've ever read before. I read angsty ya contemps, fluffy queer romance, and epic fantasy. But even though this is VERY literary—complete with sections in second-person, lack of quotation marks, and lack of conventional plot—I think it has a combo of all three genres, plus some other things I love.

MIA's FIVE-star FORMULA

Light political commentary + marginalized voices in art + luminous, poetic, lyrical writing + multimedia + internet nostalgia = this book. The only reason it's not a full five-star (4.75) is because there were certain quite graphic scenes I had to skip (I'm still firmly in the ya space lol) but this really was a wonder of a book. I can't explain what it did to me, only that it kept pulling me into its gravitational field. It didn't need anything more, or less. It just was. And I hope it wins all the awards ever because the writing. The WRITING.

Idk if I can recommend this to anyone. It's for the niche of people who grew up in the internet fandom space, using games to escape from the sometimes grating reality of inhabiting your own body. But it absolutely, inexplicably, worked for me. I hope it finds its way into the hands of those who will cherish it just as much as I did.

[audrey]

Quite a long read for me but really liked how it all came together at the end!

[Carl (Hiatus. IBB in Jan) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a tricky book to review. A/S/L (an internet initialism for “age, sex, location’) is a story about videogames and three friends, and the code(s) they learn to survive. Jeanne Thornton does an incredible job with the characterization of each of the three protagonists. I enjoyed the unusual formatting of the text in some chapters, which reminded me how much fun and randomness there was in using IRC in the late ’90s and early 2000s.

This novel is heavy on character development, with no distinctive plot line, a risk when you have such niche characters. I found Abraxa, Sasha, and Lilith to be interesting, relatable characters. I enjoyed the first quarter of the book, with it dropping significantly until the final quarter. Perhaps A/S/L could have benefited from tighter editing (I felt it was about 80 to 100 pages longer than it needed to be). I appreciate the exploration of diverse, relevant themes for a young adult audience, such as addiction, sexuality, and identity.

Ultimately, A/S/L is a well-written novel with great trans representation, but it failed to resonate with me on a deeper level. This is not a book for everyone; it has many technicalities and bits of jargon that might not appeal to all.

Thank you, Jeanne Thornton and Dead Ink Books for this ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Adriana · Rating 2 out of 5]

On paper, I should like this book. I'm an elder millennial who was on IRC and AIM chats during the beginning time period of the book (although I am a couple of years younger than the protagonists). But including twenty-four pages of a general IRC chat in the book, and specifically SO early in the book, is incredibly unnecessary and honestly took me fully out of the book. I get that it's period-accurate, but it's bad storytelling. I almost DNFed the book in the second chapter as a result. There are much more effective ways to tell that story, while still using IRC chat, and to convey the necessary points. The book overall is like this - longer than it needs to be in a way that detracts from the story. Overall I found the protagonists, the story, and the writing to be incredibly messy, and all of them in a bad way.

[poet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Almost terrifying to read a book about fellow trans exactly my age. Like having a spotlight on me. A fantastic powerful novel though.

[Sarah-Hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

A/S/L has nothing to do with American Sign Language. The title is short for the names of the central characters Abraxa, Sash, and Lilith. As teens, the three are online friends working to create a computer game together. What they don't know about one another is that each of them while being "born male," is female. They haven't yet been able to make the transition they'll make as they grow up, but that self-knowledge is already present.

The settings for the novel vary a great deal. Some take place when the women are young and working on their game. Others take place in their separate, adult lives. Still occur during their rediscovery of one another and its consequences. Chapters alternate among the three women (hint: Sash's are written in second person).

Formatting is nearly as varied as the settings. The book opens with a chapter on coding from a teen's perspective. The second chapter takes place in an online chatroom for teens developing computer games. Most chapter offer more straightforward narrative, but the reader needs to be prepared for these "outlier chapters" when they occur. I know absolutely nothing about coding; I do remember my chatroom days and their simultaneously chaotic and affirming nature. At first, I wasn't sure I would be able to settle into a comfortable stride with this book, but I did—and I enjoyed and valued the reading experience despite (because of?) the demands it made on me as a reader.

I am not trans. I'm a lesbian deeply committed to trans rights. I haven't experienced what the central characters have, but in whatever way it's possible, I'm on their side. I'm rooting for them to be/become who they are. I trust their perceptions of the world as accurate given their life experiences. There's a great deal of pain in each of their lives, and I kept hoping that their lives would become easier over time, but part of the point is how difficult it is to live as who you are when much of the world doubts whether you even legitimately exist. The choice of "legitimate" is deliberate. Part of the point of A/S/L is how hard it is for these three women to find places that feel like a real home for their real selves. Things do get a bit easier for each of the women over the course of the novel, but there's never a moment when any of them arrive in a place of real comfort.

On the one hand, this is a must-read novel, but it's also not a novel I would had to someone trans who is just beginning to understand who they are. (I've tried ways of explaining this further, but I'm just not finding the right words.)

If you're up for a demanding, but rewarding reading experience, particularly one that consistently challenges notions of the gender binary, you'll find much of value in A/S/L.

I received a free electronic review copy of this title; the opinions are my own.

[Ken Yuen · Rating 4 out of 5]

So this was pitched to me by Triple Click's Maddy Myers as "three trans teens in the 90s meet on IRC and are trying to make a video game. Then time jump to 2016 where they're adults". This was a rough one, because the insecurities and rawness of the self-doubt felt very real.

In a buncha other stories you're cheering for the guy and girl to get together. In this one, you desperately want the three of these 90s friends to meet. Maybe naively hoping that they'd fill in what's missing in each other's lives and that they'd instantly become whole people once their friendship was reestablished.

The tension is tightly balanced, with every concern, stress, problem, anxiety just laid naked for the reader's view. You're constantly hoping that Abraxa will be alright. One aspect that impressed me was modern Sash doesn't appear till the halfway point of the story. Up till then you're going "is this person secretly sash? Is this?". I was just constantly riveted and wondering what would happen next to our trio of protagonists

I've never experienced this kind of expression of sex work before either

[Saga Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven't written a Goodread review in awhile but just wanted to chime in about this book.

There's an intersection that it strikes between being trans and growing up Always Online and how the confluence of the two shapes both your relationship to the present and future but in especially the past. So many important adolescent relationships, conversations and secrets are shared with absolute strangers who you held the closest bonds to one day, and the next day, they never signed back in and life went on. It makes for an odd relationship at times to your past and how that informs your present. I've never seen it so well depicted in its messiness, confusions and as the author aptly captures, dangers.

I think the book is abit too long, the editing is a little messy at spots and its an emotinally hard read. But I think in all that, there is so much brilliance and I really deeply connected to the book (I couldn't stop reading it and have thought a lot about it since). While its technically not a 5 star (what book is?) it absolutely is to me.

[Daniela · Rating 4 out of 5]

wow. this book was very moving - you can tell the author really cared a lot about her craft and themes. the main characters were very well fleshed out and the audience got to spend a lot of time with them :)
that being said, I think the middle portion dragged on a little bit? it did take me a whileee to finish this book, but at the same time I didn’t mind it in the end because I thought the story was v beautiful

[Cécile. · Rating 3 out of 5]

i expected a lot out of this book but had a really hard time finishing it, i kept waiting for the story to really pick and it never really did

it has a lot of potential and i don't doubt that people may connect to the story

[Quill&Queer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I can't fault the research in this, and each character shines through in their unique, annoying ways. But literally nothing happened.

[Mackenzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love that Jeanne Thornton perfectly captures three realistic yet totally different types of messed up women. Sash, Abraxa, and Lilith all feel so completely realized and separate in their characterization, but I can still see the overlap that allowed them to be friends in the first place and renders them ultimately unable to untether themselves from one another.

[Lis · Rating 5 out of 5]

i cried a lot at this book; this felt laser targeted at me. i turned 22 today and i had very similar experiences as a teen in a whole different century & era of independent games culture. i hope this book speaks to other people as much as it spoke to me.

[Petra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reading this book felt like going to a modern art gallery - it makes sense to people who are into it, but I didn't get it.

[Ashli Hughes · Rating 3 out of 5]

*2.75*

“I don't think we get free by settling all our debts to one another. I'm not a debt to settle; neither are you.”

I’m really saddened by the fact I didn’t love this as much as I had hoped, and I’m not sure if it was me and my expectations or the way this was written.

I suppose it’s probably a mix of both. I imagined a group of young queer teens finding themselves through video games and reconnecting later on in life to become a family and guide each other through their complicated lives and making life *better* because they had each other. In reality it took nearly 300 pages for the main characters to interact and then when they did, they were never in the same room as each other (as a trio) and they had in total, 6 interactions in 350+ pages.

I think the pace was ALOT slower than I expected and it was a lot more explorative as a piece than I had hoped. I really wanted more of their story together, I know the author probably wrote this as a way to explore each individual in their own stories but I think it took the book in a direction that made it feel so slow and so ?? distanced that I struggle to connect with the story

[Lien · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this a lot. Really cared about Lilith especially.

[miles z]

I can't rate it. It engrossed me enough that I would rather read the book than scroll on my phone. But throughout the book, it felt something was missing. Perhaps because of the pacing, the style... the frequently written but unsent emails... I felt there was a distance between me and the book? And I think there was only a little space between the climax and the end, I wish we could have read more of what happened to them after, but I understand why the author chose to leave the book where she did.

I didn't mind the code/game talk as much as the other readers, after all, I'm also someone who tried to make games as a teenager. But the game code talk does make the first part rather long to get through, but after part one there's less dense gaming talk and more narrative.

I also wasn't a fan of Abraxa and Sash as characters. Abraxa is the kind of chaotic queer who can't stay put. Sash is someone who wants to appear strong, but her life is a series of not responding to people who could help her despite drafting a response. And I guess there's a question of character growth. And I guess there's a larger pattern of trans women writing trans women characters who aren't likeable that this fits into? And also nostalgic millennial trans novels that look back to teenage queer friendships (like Idlewild)?

The book made me think about how so many people (in general) were brilliant or cool teenagers but grow up to be struggling, living with their parents and/or unemployed. It also made me sad to think about how being trans in a transphobic society makes it so hard for trans people to find success and stability, even if they are (or were once) brilliant.

[Sabina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeanne Thornton (the real sorceress) knocks it out of the park again. An exceptionally beautiful and philosophical novel.