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When I First Held You
Silence tore them apart. Can the truth bring them back together?
"Marvellous”—Lesley Pearse
"A hauntingly beautiful novel"—Imogen Clark
"Gripping, heart rending and extremely satisfying”—Katie Fforde
In 1960s Glasgow, anti-nuclear activists Judith and Jimmy fall in love. But their future hopes are dashed when their protestors’ squat is raided and many, including Jimmy, are sent to prison. Pregnant and with no word from Jimmy, Judith is forced to enter an unmarried mothers’ home, give up their baby and learn to live with her grief.
More than half a century later, Judith’s Mending Shop restores broken treasures, just as Judith herself has been bound back together by her late, much-missed partner, Catherine. But her tranquillity is shattered when Jimmy—so different and yet somehow the same—reappears, yearning to unpick the painful past.
Realising they each know only half of the other’s story, Jimmy and Judith finally break the silence that tore apart what might have been their family. Amid heartbreak and hope, how much can now be mended?
"Marvellous”—Lesley Pearse
"A hauntingly beautiful novel"—Imogen Clark
"Gripping, heart rending and extremely satisfying”—Katie Fforde
In 1960s Glasgow, anti-nuclear activists Judith and Jimmy fall in love. But their future hopes are dashed when their protestors’ squat is raided and many, including Jimmy, are sent to prison. Pregnant and with no word from Jimmy, Judith is forced to enter an unmarried mothers’ home, give up their baby and learn to live with her grief.
More than half a century later, Judith’s Mending Shop restores broken treasures, just as Judith herself has been bound back together by her late, much-missed partner, Catherine. But her tranquillity is shattered when Jimmy—so different and yet somehow the same—reappears, yearning to unpick the painful past.
Realising they each know only half of the other’s story, Jimmy and Judith finally break the silence that tore apart what might have been their family. Amid heartbreak and hope, how much can now be mended?
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First published January 24, 2023
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About the author
Anstey Harris
4 books503 followersAnstey Harris is based by the seaside in south-east England where she lives with her violinmaker husband and two dogs. She teaches creative writing in the community, local schools, and occasionally as an associate lecturer for Christchurch University in Canterbury. If you'd like to have a go at some writing exercises with Anstey, head over to Instagram and look at her IGTV channel, where she also interviews authors about their journeys and tips for writing.
Anstey writes about the things that make people tick, the things that bind us and the things that can rip us apart. In 2015, she won the H G Wells Short Story Prize for her story, Ruby and The Truths and Triumphs of Grace Atherton (a Richard and Judy pick for July 2019) won the RNA Sapere Books Pomantic Novel of the Year title in 2020.
In novels, Anstey tries to celebrate uplifting ideas and prove that life is good and that happiness is available to everyone once we work out where to look (usually inside ourselves). She enjoys writing issue-driven books where the issues take a back seat to the characters. Her short stories tend not to resolve quite so well and often feature sticky ends...
Things that interest Anstey include her children and grandchildren, green issues and conservation, adoption and adoption reunion (she is an adopted child, born in an unmarried mothers' home in Liverpool in 1965), dogs, and food. Always food. She would love to be on Masterchef but would never recover from the humiliation if she got sent home in the first round.
Anstey writes about the things that make people tick, the things that bind us and the things that can rip us apart. In 2015, she won the H G Wells Short Story Prize for her story, Ruby and The Truths and Triumphs of Grace Atherton (a Richard and Judy pick for July 2019) won the RNA Sapere Books Pomantic Novel of the Year title in 2020.
In novels, Anstey tries to celebrate uplifting ideas and prove that life is good and that happiness is available to everyone once we work out where to look (usually inside ourselves). She enjoys writing issue-driven books where the issues take a back seat to the characters. Her short stories tend not to resolve quite so well and often feature sticky ends...
Things that interest Anstey include her children and grandchildren, green issues and conservation, adoption and adoption reunion (she is an adopted child, born in an unmarried mothers' home in Liverpool in 1965), dogs, and food. Always food. She would love to be on Masterchef but would never recover from the humiliation if she got sent home in the first round.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 166 reviews
July 18, 2022
4-5 stars
Jimmy and Judith re-meet fifty years on via Judith’s ‘Mending Shop’ which fixes broken treasures. In Glasgow of the 1960s they first meet as antinuclear protesters and fall in love. Unfortunately, the story is to be no fairytale and Judith especially still carries the burden from those days. Can the story be fixed and mended and become something to treasure in their later years?
This is a beautifully written novel which has me transfixed from beginning to end. The past and the present meld together seamlessly with the earlier timeline transporting you to a very different world to our own. The nuclear fears of the 1960s are done extremely well, the testing and protest which combines with the 60s attitudes and the consequences of those especially on Judith are done brilliantly. What emerges from Judith and James’ story is painful and sad, at times the feelings are very raw, there is grief too but it’s combined with some laughter which helps to take away some of the hurt. As the novel progresses there are huge revelations and forced undesired betrayals which are set well into the context of the times.
The characterisation is outstanding and you can visualise all with ease. Ruby who we are introduced to in the present day is a breath of fresh air and helps James but especially Judith to lay some ghosts to rest. There is not one unlikable character which makes a very refreshing change!! As the novel reaches its conclusion it’s hard not to shed a tear. It’s an emotional and at times heartbreaking but equally heartwarming read which I thoroughly enjoy.
This is my first read by this author, but it will definitely not be the last. Highly recommended.
With thanks to NetGalley and especially to Amazon Publishing U.K. for the much appreciated arc in return for an honest review.
Jimmy and Judith re-meet fifty years on via Judith’s ‘Mending Shop’ which fixes broken treasures. In Glasgow of the 1960s they first meet as antinuclear protesters and fall in love. Unfortunately, the story is to be no fairytale and Judith especially still carries the burden from those days. Can the story be fixed and mended and become something to treasure in their later years?
This is a beautifully written novel which has me transfixed from beginning to end. The past and the present meld together seamlessly with the earlier timeline transporting you to a very different world to our own. The nuclear fears of the 1960s are done extremely well, the testing and protest which combines with the 60s attitudes and the consequences of those especially on Judith are done brilliantly. What emerges from Judith and James’ story is painful and sad, at times the feelings are very raw, there is grief too but it’s combined with some laughter which helps to take away some of the hurt. As the novel progresses there are huge revelations and forced undesired betrayals which are set well into the context of the times.
The characterisation is outstanding and you can visualise all with ease. Ruby who we are introduced to in the present day is a breath of fresh air and helps James but especially Judith to lay some ghosts to rest. There is not one unlikable character which makes a very refreshing change!! As the novel reaches its conclusion it’s hard not to shed a tear. It’s an emotional and at times heartbreaking but equally heartwarming read which I thoroughly enjoy.
This is my first read by this author, but it will definitely not be the last. Highly recommended.
With thanks to NetGalley and especially to Amazon Publishing U.K. for the much appreciated arc in return for an honest review.
January 13, 2023
“You can’t change the past, Ruby, no one can. But the purpose of being alive is to curate the future. It’s our responsibility.”
When I First Held You is the third novel by award-winning British author, Anstey Harris. Four years widowed, Judith Franklin is still grieving the loss of her partner of almost fifty years, artist Catherine Rolf. In her memory, and funded by the sale of her phenomenal work, Judy runs a little shop where volunteers repair, restore and repurpose items brought in by customers; no money changes hands.
It’s a local interest TV spot featuring The Mending Shop that brings Jimmy (now James) McConnell back into her life. He’s the very last person she wants to see: fifty-six years earlier, he left her holding the baby, literally. Having finally tracked her down, he wants to catch up, and is totally unprepared for her anger, and utterly confused by her furious accusations.
Back in the mid-sixties, Jude and Jimmy were part of a protest group trying to stop Polaris missiles coming to Faslane. Their group shared a squat in Glasgow and, in the lead-up to their biggest campaign, Jimmy was arrested and put in prison for six months. Pregnant, Jude went home to her Catholic parents whose shame and disgust saw her sent to a Liverpool unmarried mothers’ home to give birth to a daughter, then adopted out.
Ruby Cooper-Li is a twenty-two-year-old Master’s student at London University when she gets a hit from the genealogy website to which she sent her DNA. The match is likely a grandparent, her mother’s father, and she knows her mother would likely have disapproved, so she goes to her father for advice on how to handle the contact she wants to make.
James is excited and enthusiastic at the prospect of meeting a granddaughter of whom he was unaware but, after forty years as a social worker, Judith is well aware that most adoption reunions aren’t happy-ever-afters. And digging up the past? Although it’s true that “people are who they are. And sometimes the narrative we tell ourselves, or the picture we paint, doesn’t match with reality. It’s no one’s fault”, there are secrets, lies, betrayals: how can this end well?
In what is her best novel yet, Harris draws on her personal experience to tell this story, the sort of story that happened thousands of times in the 1960s, into which, without doubt, she has poured her heart and soul. Her characters are real, flawed human beings with whom it is impossible not to empathise. And while there are moments that will move readers to tears, there are also joyful, uplifting ones. Utterly wonderful!
This unbiased review is from an uncorrected proof copy provided by NetGalley and Amazon Publishing UK.
When I First Held You is the third novel by award-winning British author, Anstey Harris. Four years widowed, Judith Franklin is still grieving the loss of her partner of almost fifty years, artist Catherine Rolf. In her memory, and funded by the sale of her phenomenal work, Judy runs a little shop where volunteers repair, restore and repurpose items brought in by customers; no money changes hands.
It’s a local interest TV spot featuring The Mending Shop that brings Jimmy (now James) McConnell back into her life. He’s the very last person she wants to see: fifty-six years earlier, he left her holding the baby, literally. Having finally tracked her down, he wants to catch up, and is totally unprepared for her anger, and utterly confused by her furious accusations.
Back in the mid-sixties, Jude and Jimmy were part of a protest group trying to stop Polaris missiles coming to Faslane. Their group shared a squat in Glasgow and, in the lead-up to their biggest campaign, Jimmy was arrested and put in prison for six months. Pregnant, Jude went home to her Catholic parents whose shame and disgust saw her sent to a Liverpool unmarried mothers’ home to give birth to a daughter, then adopted out.
Ruby Cooper-Li is a twenty-two-year-old Master’s student at London University when she gets a hit from the genealogy website to which she sent her DNA. The match is likely a grandparent, her mother’s father, and she knows her mother would likely have disapproved, so she goes to her father for advice on how to handle the contact she wants to make.
James is excited and enthusiastic at the prospect of meeting a granddaughter of whom he was unaware but, after forty years as a social worker, Judith is well aware that most adoption reunions aren’t happy-ever-afters. And digging up the past? Although it’s true that “people are who they are. And sometimes the narrative we tell ourselves, or the picture we paint, doesn’t match with reality. It’s no one’s fault”, there are secrets, lies, betrayals: how can this end well?
In what is her best novel yet, Harris draws on her personal experience to tell this story, the sort of story that happened thousands of times in the 1960s, into which, without doubt, she has poured her heart and soul. Her characters are real, flawed human beings with whom it is impossible not to empathise. And while there are moments that will move readers to tears, there are also joyful, uplifting ones. Utterly wonderful!
This unbiased review is from an uncorrected proof copy provided by NetGalley and Amazon Publishing UK.
January 9, 2023
The latest novel from Anstey Harris is a deeply personal one, so it’s better if I start this review with a quote from the very end of the novel, from the author note, for context:
‘I wrote Judith and Penny’s story to give me – and the half a million like me – a voice, and to remind those of you who have not been through this that it is an inhumanity we must never return to.’
When I First Held You is a story about the forced adoptions that were prolific throughout the 1960s and 1970s. I have previously read about this within novels set in Australia, America, and Ireland. It was interesting to read it within a UK setting. Interesting most of all to see the similarities – all involved parents who were acting out of shame, all involved girls being sent to homes run by the Catholic church, and all involved a total lack of regard for what the young women actually having a baby wanted, much less needed.
‘I struggle to remember the difference between forgiving and forgetting, I know that you can live with one and that the other will eventually destroy you.’
This story is told from the perspective of Judith, who was forced to give up her baby, and Ruby, her biological granddaughter. These two perspectives allowed for a sensitive balance within the story. James – aka Jimmy – has his perspective included via his interactions with both Judith and Ruby. You see, as the story progresses, just how much of an injustice was done to both Judith and Jimmy, by their own parents, whose well-meaning intentions caused nothing but grief with far-reaching consequences.
‘It’s partly that I haven’t shared this time with her – I have missed it and it can never be replayed. But it’s more than that – it’s the secrets and the joys. The memories of the conversations, the holidays, even the dark moments: none of which are mine.’
This story is so good though because it isn’t a simple blame game. It also outlines the social policies of the era, the lack of welfare, birth control, and independent options for young women who were pregnant and wanting to keep their babies. While you can acknowledge that what their parents did was entirely wrong, you also can acknowledge that they were acting out of a place where they too, didn’t know what else to do.
‘I am reminded of what I have always known: that it isn’t hope that moves mountains – mends hearts – it is unity.’
Entirely heartfelt and not given to melodrama, When I First Held You is a beautiful story about love, family, and forgiveness. It’s a fascinating look at a period of history that is best kept exactly where it is – in the past. Five stars to this one from Anstey Harris, who always seems to know just how to tug on your heartstrings. Thanks to her bravery as well for sharing, through the medium of fiction, aspects of her own personal family history.
Thanks to the publisher for the review copy.
‘I wrote Judith and Penny’s story to give me – and the half a million like me – a voice, and to remind those of you who have not been through this that it is an inhumanity we must never return to.’
When I First Held You is a story about the forced adoptions that were prolific throughout the 1960s and 1970s. I have previously read about this within novels set in Australia, America, and Ireland. It was interesting to read it within a UK setting. Interesting most of all to see the similarities – all involved parents who were acting out of shame, all involved girls being sent to homes run by the Catholic church, and all involved a total lack of regard for what the young women actually having a baby wanted, much less needed.
‘I struggle to remember the difference between forgiving and forgetting, I know that you can live with one and that the other will eventually destroy you.’
This story is told from the perspective of Judith, who was forced to give up her baby, and Ruby, her biological granddaughter. These two perspectives allowed for a sensitive balance within the story. James – aka Jimmy – has his perspective included via his interactions with both Judith and Ruby. You see, as the story progresses, just how much of an injustice was done to both Judith and Jimmy, by their own parents, whose well-meaning intentions caused nothing but grief with far-reaching consequences.
‘It’s partly that I haven’t shared this time with her – I have missed it and it can never be replayed. But it’s more than that – it’s the secrets and the joys. The memories of the conversations, the holidays, even the dark moments: none of which are mine.’
This story is so good though because it isn’t a simple blame game. It also outlines the social policies of the era, the lack of welfare, birth control, and independent options for young women who were pregnant and wanting to keep their babies. While you can acknowledge that what their parents did was entirely wrong, you also can acknowledge that they were acting out of a place where they too, didn’t know what else to do.
‘I am reminded of what I have always known: that it isn’t hope that moves mountains – mends hearts – it is unity.’
Entirely heartfelt and not given to melodrama, When I First Held You is a beautiful story about love, family, and forgiveness. It’s a fascinating look at a period of history that is best kept exactly where it is – in the past. Five stars to this one from Anstey Harris, who always seems to know just how to tug on your heartstrings. Thanks to her bravery as well for sharing, through the medium of fiction, aspects of her own personal family history.
Thanks to the publisher for the review copy.
December 18, 2022
Thanks to NetGalley & Lake Union Publishing for an eARC of this book. The following review is my honest reflection on the text provided.
4.5 stars
Above all else, the word that When I First Held You most brings to mind is honesty. The stories these characters have to tell resonate with heartbreaking truth that is impossible to deny.
Judith is a little stuck in her ways, grieving her partner and her past trauma. Being forced, mostly against her will, to confront a lot of her history is abrasive and challenging. It happens quickly, with no warning, and she has to try to reconcile her memories and her present life (and possibly her future) with the new information she is given.
James seems on the attack for a lot of When I First Held You. He’s always pushing forward, trying to take the next step, often forgetting that the past needs to be dealt with first. It’s hard to marry Judith’s memory of James with his choices and who he is now. Dougal is obviously the best, though.
Ruby is my favourite character. She’s flawed and complicated, but she shows real growth throughout, despite a late first appearance. Her fearlessness to search for answers and to address difficult topics with Judith, James, and Nick, but most importantly, herself - is wonderful and admirable.
There’s so much to love about how this story is told. Past and present flow together beautifully; despite a lack of labels besides POV titles, I never felt lost as to the time period. The change between perspectives or years felt natural, and information was given as needed and not withheld for more shock value. In addition, the ghosts of characters not present were felt and appreciated, rounding out this cast nicely.
The politics, poverty, and abuse are described from multiple perspectives to provide context without overwhelming what is, at its core, a beautiful and emotional story that I could not recommend more highly.
Review originally posted here on Britt's Book Blurbs.
4.5 stars
Above all else, the word that When I First Held You most brings to mind is honesty. The stories these characters have to tell resonate with heartbreaking truth that is impossible to deny.
Judith is a little stuck in her ways, grieving her partner and her past trauma. Being forced, mostly against her will, to confront a lot of her history is abrasive and challenging. It happens quickly, with no warning, and she has to try to reconcile her memories and her present life (and possibly her future) with the new information she is given.
James seems on the attack for a lot of When I First Held You. He’s always pushing forward, trying to take the next step, often forgetting that the past needs to be dealt with first. It’s hard to marry Judith’s memory of James with his choices and who he is now. Dougal is obviously the best, though.
Ruby is my favourite character. She’s flawed and complicated, but she shows real growth throughout, despite a late first appearance. Her fearlessness to search for answers and to address difficult topics with Judith, James, and Nick, but most importantly, herself - is wonderful and admirable.
There’s so much to love about how this story is told. Past and present flow together beautifully; despite a lack of labels besides POV titles, I never felt lost as to the time period. The change between perspectives or years felt natural, and information was given as needed and not withheld for more shock value. In addition, the ghosts of characters not present were felt and appreciated, rounding out this cast nicely.
The politics, poverty, and abuse are described from multiple perspectives to provide context without overwhelming what is, at its core, a beautiful and emotional story that I could not recommend more highly.
Review originally posted here on Britt's Book Blurbs.
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January 19, 2023
A beautifully written story with a dual time-line reaching back to the 1960s in Glasgow when Judith and Jimmy meet and fall in love and then taking the reader fifty years on as Judith works in her Mending Shop.
Judith and Jimmy were anti-nuclear protestors in the 60s. Living a squalid squat but very much in love, their hopes and dreams were shattered when the house was raided. Jimmy was jailed and Judith was pregnant. Unable to contact Jimmy and with no support from her parents, Judith entered a mother and baby home. She left alone and never saw her child, or Jimmy again.
Judith’s had a good life. She’s now in her 70s, a retired social worker, but desperately grieving her life-long partner Catherine. She continues to mend things, just as Catherine wanted, but there is a hole in her life.
And then, Jimmy returns. Out of the blue, after fifty years. They have such a lot of explaining to do. Jimmy discovers that he has a daughter, and when the receive a message from a young woman, their lives will be changed forever.
Harris writes with such conviction and passion, using her own experiences as a child born to an unwed mother in the 60s as inspiration. The writing is so descriptive and flows beautifully. Each character is carefully created, with such depth and layers.
Judith and Jimmy begin to understand each other, and look toward their future years. It is never easy for either of them, especially Judith, the story is at times quite heart breaking, but ultimately uplifting.
A novel of lost chances, misunderstandings and new hope. This is a dazzling read.
Judith and Jimmy were anti-nuclear protestors in the 60s. Living a squalid squat but very much in love, their hopes and dreams were shattered when the house was raided. Jimmy was jailed and Judith was pregnant. Unable to contact Jimmy and with no support from her parents, Judith entered a mother and baby home. She left alone and never saw her child, or Jimmy again.
Judith’s had a good life. She’s now in her 70s, a retired social worker, but desperately grieving her life-long partner Catherine. She continues to mend things, just as Catherine wanted, but there is a hole in her life.
And then, Jimmy returns. Out of the blue, after fifty years. They have such a lot of explaining to do. Jimmy discovers that he has a daughter, and when the receive a message from a young woman, their lives will be changed forever.
Harris writes with such conviction and passion, using her own experiences as a child born to an unwed mother in the 60s as inspiration. The writing is so descriptive and flows beautifully. Each character is carefully created, with such depth and layers.
Judith and Jimmy begin to understand each other, and look toward their future years. It is never easy for either of them, especially Judith, the story is at times quite heart breaking, but ultimately uplifting.
A novel of lost chances, misunderstandings and new hope. This is a dazzling read.
February 5, 2023
4.5 stars
I greatly enjoyed this story, alternately told from the perspectives of Judith and her granddaughter, Ruby. Judith and James had been young and in love in the 1960s as fellow activists against nuclear weapons. Judith discovers she is pregnant, but before she is able to tell James, there is a raid, arrests are made, and they are separated with no way to find each other again. Judith has her baby in a Catholic run home for unwed mothers, and her baby is taken and given up for adoption without her consent. Judith carries this trauma with her but heals while in a loving relationship with artist Catherine Rolf. After Catherine’s death 50 years later, Judith is alone, but her solitude is shattered by the reappearance of James. They discover a biological granddaughter, Ruby, and finally begin to uncover all of the past.
This quote for me captures what Judith and James need to learn and process: “…you can have your own truth till you’re blue in the face, but if that isn’t the same as The Truth - the single truth that applies to everyone - it means nothing.”
Thank you to NetGalley for an advanced reader’s copy.
I greatly enjoyed this story, alternately told from the perspectives of Judith and her granddaughter, Ruby. Judith and James had been young and in love in the 1960s as fellow activists against nuclear weapons. Judith discovers she is pregnant, but before she is able to tell James, there is a raid, arrests are made, and they are separated with no way to find each other again. Judith has her baby in a Catholic run home for unwed mothers, and her baby is taken and given up for adoption without her consent. Judith carries this trauma with her but heals while in a loving relationship with artist Catherine Rolf. After Catherine’s death 50 years later, Judith is alone, but her solitude is shattered by the reappearance of James. They discover a biological granddaughter, Ruby, and finally begin to uncover all of the past.
This quote for me captures what Judith and James need to learn and process: “…you can have your own truth till you’re blue in the face, but if that isn’t the same as The Truth - the single truth that applies to everyone - it means nothing.”
Thank you to NetGalley for an advanced reader’s copy.
July 4, 2022
This is the first novel I'd read by Anstey Harris and the blurb intrigued me.
The novel is a dual timeline/split narrative between the characters in the present day and back in the 1960s Scotland, where the protagonists meet protesting nuclear arms at Faslane.
Also what is unusual is that the main characters are in their 70s.
I thought it was beautifully written, a story about love, betrayal, finding our identity and forgiveness along with interesting and accurate historical details. Some of it is heartbreaking, and I had tears sliding down my face as I heard the voice of the characters so distinctly telling their moving stories.
I found it a little slow to start but once I got into it, it moved along at quite a pace and I finished the last half of the book in about 36 hours.
Well done to Harris - I will be looking out for more of her writing now!
The novel is a dual timeline/split narrative between the characters in the present day and back in the 1960s Scotland, where the protagonists meet protesting nuclear arms at Faslane.
Also what is unusual is that the main characters are in their 70s.
I thought it was beautifully written, a story about love, betrayal, finding our identity and forgiveness along with interesting and accurate historical details. Some of it is heartbreaking, and I had tears sliding down my face as I heard the voice of the characters so distinctly telling their moving stories.
I found it a little slow to start but once I got into it, it moved along at quite a pace and I finished the last half of the book in about 36 hours.
Well done to Harris - I will be looking out for more of her writing now!
March 11, 2023
I was drawn in by the kintsugi style cover, and I wasn't disappointed to find the story was much about repairing objects and people. However, it wasn't what I expected it to be, I did enjoy the historical element of the story and would have liked to read more about it, but found it a little slow in places.
The book would have been more intruiging for me had it been narrated in time order, I don't feel like the frequent flashbacks added anything to the story.
Side note; Charlie Chaplin didn't father his youngest child when he was 88. He died when he was 88. Charlie Chaplin fathered his last child when he was 73.
The book would have been more intruiging for me had it been narrated in time order, I don't feel like the frequent flashbacks added anything to the story.
Side note; Charlie Chaplin didn't father his youngest child when he was 88. He died when he was 88. Charlie Chaplin fathered his last child when he was 73.
October 26, 2023
Despite the general theme being loss, death, betrayal and heartbreak after heartbreak, it was actually a lovely read. The recent history was both shocking and thought provoking. I didn’t realise until the very end that the writer had a very personal connection to the story which explains the heart felt sensitivity behind every word.
May 1, 2024
More like 4.5
June 22, 2025
When I First Held You by Anstey Harris is a thoughtful novel based on real events. It explores the heartbreaking experiences of single mothers in the 1960s who were forced to give up their babies for adoption. The shifting timeline between past and present adds emotional depth. However, some plot points felt unresolved or forgotten. While the story didn’t fully hook me, it offered a meaningful look at family, identity, and the long-term effects of past injustices. A quiet, emotional read that highlights an important and often overlooked part of history.
February 22, 2025
Really poignant, lovely story
June 21, 2022
What can I say about this incredible novel? One of the most heartbreaking and yet utterly uplifting stories I’ve read in a long time.
Having now read the author’s note on her own experiences with 1950/60’s adoption it makes perfect sense that she should handle the story with such sensitivity but she goes further than that and creates characters we truly care about, flawed and wonderful, fully three dimensional and fleshed out. It is also a very rare novel where the protagonists are in their 70’s! Not only were Judith, James and Ruby captivating but my favourite character was the late Catherine Rolf; artist and life partner of Judith permeates every one of Judith’s chapters reminding us that love can be simple, honest and utterly reciprocated. The Judith that Ruby and James meet is shaped by this wonderful marriage for that is what it was in all but legal name and Catherine is still her North Star, her magnetic compass point that reminds her of her true self and how to remain true to it.
I loved how Judith’s sexuality was never an issue until the end when she herself tried to label herself and protect herself from hurt. Ruby with all the ease of her generation simply tells her “at the risk of straightsplaining- sexuality isn’t a bill we die on”
I have always had friends who are much younger or much older than myself so the revelation this face to both women wasn’t a surprise to me but I hope that readers who haven’t got intergenerational friendships will now go and seek the company of the older and the younger.
James can be seen through the lens of Judith’s abandonment and broken heart, through Ruby’s optimistic and forgiving one or Paddy’s bitter and recriminatory one. Both Paddy and Judith have every right to see him in a negative light but as it transpires Paddy was the one who’s suffering was purely punitive and you can forgive him his bitterness.
It is so hard for us to sit here in the 21 st century and try to understand spy networks and the Special Branch but post war Britain was a very different place and time. That said the Mark Kennedy undercover scandal of 2010 shows us that even now our authorities have disproportionate suspicion of protest groups.
For all his faults and failings I still rooted for James.
Although it is only touched upon briefly the entire novel is the story of Kintsugi, the philosophy that things will get broken and that they are better off mended and that seeing those cracks and joins is so much more beautiful than attempting to make everything ’perfect’. The characters in this novel are riven with life’s hardships but made whole by bonds of gold.
Having now read the author’s note on her own experiences with 1950/60’s adoption it makes perfect sense that she should handle the story with such sensitivity but she goes further than that and creates characters we truly care about, flawed and wonderful, fully three dimensional and fleshed out. It is also a very rare novel where the protagonists are in their 70’s! Not only were Judith, James and Ruby captivating but my favourite character was the late Catherine Rolf; artist and life partner of Judith permeates every one of Judith’s chapters reminding us that love can be simple, honest and utterly reciprocated. The Judith that Ruby and James meet is shaped by this wonderful marriage for that is what it was in all but legal name and Catherine is still her North Star, her magnetic compass point that reminds her of her true self and how to remain true to it.
I loved how Judith’s sexuality was never an issue until the end when she herself tried to label herself and protect herself from hurt. Ruby with all the ease of her generation simply tells her “at the risk of straightsplaining- sexuality isn’t a bill we die on”
I have always had friends who are much younger or much older than myself so the revelation this face to both women wasn’t a surprise to me but I hope that readers who haven’t got intergenerational friendships will now go and seek the company of the older and the younger.
James can be seen through the lens of Judith’s abandonment and broken heart, through Ruby’s optimistic and forgiving one or Paddy’s bitter and recriminatory one. Both Paddy and Judith have every right to see him in a negative light but as it transpires Paddy was the one who’s suffering was purely punitive and you can forgive him his bitterness.
It is so hard for us to sit here in the 21 st century and try to understand spy networks and the Special Branch but post war Britain was a very different place and time. That said the Mark Kennedy undercover scandal of 2010 shows us that even now our authorities have disproportionate suspicion of protest groups.
For all his faults and failings I still rooted for James.
Although it is only touched upon briefly the entire novel is the story of Kintsugi, the philosophy that things will get broken and that they are better off mended and that seeing those cracks and joins is so much more beautiful than attempting to make everything ’perfect’. The characters in this novel are riven with life’s hardships but made whole by bonds of gold.
October 22, 2022
I've been spending the last few days trying to figure out how to write this review. Every.review of this book that I've seen raves on it, which made me wonder if I'd read something different. When I First Held You is well written. While it kept my attention, to an extent, I also felt a bit bored with the book. I found that I wasn't looking forward to picking it back up in between times 0f reading. It felt like there was something lacking with the characters, I didn't feel a closeness with them like I do with most books.
January 18, 2023
From the very first sentence of an Anstey Harris book the reader knows they are about to encounter something very special indeed and When I First Held You is no exception. It’s fabulous. It’s breath-taking. It’s exceptional.
Anstey Harris’ writing is exquisite. Her attention to detail, balanced by a spare and intense prose, means that reading her words is akin to shining the most powerful laser onto the tiniest atoms and making them leap alive with vitality and meaning. I found this almost painful to experience. This is by no means a criticism, but rather an expression of the immense effect her words have on the reader. When I First Held You is utterly compelling and affecting because Judith’s experiences and emotions become the reader’s experiences and emotions. This is not a book you read. It’s one you feel with visceral certainty.
What makes When I First Held You so strong is the balance of personal and political experience. Anstey Harris illustrates how everything we do in our personal lives is influenced by the political environment we exist in, even when we don’t realise it. The force of Judith’s feelings about James is rooted in their past, their shared experiences and the personal and political narrative Judith has created in her life. I thought this was a profound and truly wonderful aspect of the writing, especially when seemingly ‘outside’ events are weighed against personal narratives and the stories we make for ourselves. Through Judith the reader is given a privileged glimpse into the very soul of human nature.
The plot is so skilfully crafted as Judith’s past is interwoven with her present. And Judith is such a complex and layered character. Driven by extremes of love, bitterness and rage, she embodies humanity in its raw state. I loved meeting her. I adored too, the maturity of her age. When I First Held You simply couldn’t have been about a younger woman. The narrative needs her complexities, her insecurities and her strengths. She is the full sum of her 75 year old self.
The touchstone of Judith’s friend Barbara adds lightness and humour in an almost Shakespearean light relief that perfectly balances the sheer emotion of Judith’s feelings. And I loved the underpinning theme also shown through the cover illustration that broken things can become repaired and more beautiful. Judith’s past and long held beliefs become shattered and fractured and yet they simultaneously become more valuable and exquisite in a kind of literary Kintsugi.
It’s hard to express how much I adored When I First Held You. It’s powerful, raw, emotional and totally outstanding. You’ll find it hard to read a more impactful book this year. When I First Held You is a magnificent book written by the genius writer that is Anstey Harris. Do not miss it.
Anstey Harris’ writing is exquisite. Her attention to detail, balanced by a spare and intense prose, means that reading her words is akin to shining the most powerful laser onto the tiniest atoms and making them leap alive with vitality and meaning. I found this almost painful to experience. This is by no means a criticism, but rather an expression of the immense effect her words have on the reader. When I First Held You is utterly compelling and affecting because Judith’s experiences and emotions become the reader’s experiences and emotions. This is not a book you read. It’s one you feel with visceral certainty.
What makes When I First Held You so strong is the balance of personal and political experience. Anstey Harris illustrates how everything we do in our personal lives is influenced by the political environment we exist in, even when we don’t realise it. The force of Judith’s feelings about James is rooted in their past, their shared experiences and the personal and political narrative Judith has created in her life. I thought this was a profound and truly wonderful aspect of the writing, especially when seemingly ‘outside’ events are weighed against personal narratives and the stories we make for ourselves. Through Judith the reader is given a privileged glimpse into the very soul of human nature.
The plot is so skilfully crafted as Judith’s past is interwoven with her present. And Judith is such a complex and layered character. Driven by extremes of love, bitterness and rage, she embodies humanity in its raw state. I loved meeting her. I adored too, the maturity of her age. When I First Held You simply couldn’t have been about a younger woman. The narrative needs her complexities, her insecurities and her strengths. She is the full sum of her 75 year old self.
The touchstone of Judith’s friend Barbara adds lightness and humour in an almost Shakespearean light relief that perfectly balances the sheer emotion of Judith’s feelings. And I loved the underpinning theme also shown through the cover illustration that broken things can become repaired and more beautiful. Judith’s past and long held beliefs become shattered and fractured and yet they simultaneously become more valuable and exquisite in a kind of literary Kintsugi.
It’s hard to express how much I adored When I First Held You. It’s powerful, raw, emotional and totally outstanding. You’ll find it hard to read a more impactful book this year. When I First Held You is a magnificent book written by the genius writer that is Anstey Harris. Do not miss it.
January 17, 2023
When I First Held You by Anstey Harris
Published: January 24, 2023
Lake Union Publishing
Pages: 317
Genre: Literary Fiction
KKECReads Rating: 5/5
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.
Anstey Harris is based in the Unesco Biosphere of Galloway and South Ayrshire in beautiful south-west Scotland, where she lives with her violinmaker husband and their dog, Pen. A former teacher & university lecturer, as well as outstanding cook, Anstey runs the popular writing retreat, WriteSouthWestScotland.com. Anstey writes about the things that make people tick, the things that bind us, and the things that can rip us apart. In novels, Anstey tries to celebrate uplifting ideas and prove that life is good and that happiness is available to everyone once we work out where to look (usually inside ourselves). Her short stories tend not to end quite so well...
“Sometimes, the irony of life is ludicrous.”
Judith is trying to decide what she should do. Should she follow her heart and let someone else run her late partner's beloved shop, or should she stick it out? When the last person she ever expected shows up and flips her world upside down, everything changes. The past comes crashing into the future, blending with the present.
This was beautiful. The writing, the story, the characters, the heartbreak- all of it. I wasn’t sure what to expect in this novel, but my heart needed this.
The characters in this book are beautiful. I loved how the story was told, how things unfolded, and how the plot moved between the past and the present. The character narration was vivid, emotional, and honest.
Reading the acknowledgments at the end and how close this story is to Anstey Harris’ life only made me appreciate the morals of this brilliant book.
Published: January 24, 2023
Lake Union Publishing
Pages: 317
Genre: Literary Fiction
KKECReads Rating: 5/5
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.
Anstey Harris is based in the Unesco Biosphere of Galloway and South Ayrshire in beautiful south-west Scotland, where she lives with her violinmaker husband and their dog, Pen. A former teacher & university lecturer, as well as outstanding cook, Anstey runs the popular writing retreat, WriteSouthWestScotland.com. Anstey writes about the things that make people tick, the things that bind us, and the things that can rip us apart. In novels, Anstey tries to celebrate uplifting ideas and prove that life is good and that happiness is available to everyone once we work out where to look (usually inside ourselves). Her short stories tend not to end quite so well...
“Sometimes, the irony of life is ludicrous.”
Judith is trying to decide what she should do. Should she follow her heart and let someone else run her late partner's beloved shop, or should she stick it out? When the last person she ever expected shows up and flips her world upside down, everything changes. The past comes crashing into the future, blending with the present.
This was beautiful. The writing, the story, the characters, the heartbreak- all of it. I wasn’t sure what to expect in this novel, but my heart needed this.
The characters in this book are beautiful. I loved how the story was told, how things unfolded, and how the plot moved between the past and the present. The character narration was vivid, emotional, and honest.
Reading the acknowledgments at the end and how close this story is to Anstey Harris’ life only made me appreciate the morals of this brilliant book.
April 1, 2023
This book made me cry so much. I am happy I picked it from the shelf but I wasn't prepared for the whooping story I was about to receive. Harris writes beautifully, tying every knot that needs to be tied to shoot an arrow right through your heart. The grief this story contained left me all bundled up, aching. But like the protagonist of the story, I also shed tears of healing. We all have old scars that still sting to the touch; it was beautiful seeing hers open up and heal again.
It is so important to raise the voices of women and their stories; to share our grief. Only like this we are able to understand that after all, we have each other. We can let the connection with other people and their stories heal our own scars. And this is why I am so grateful for this book; for showing me that they way forward is always together.
It is so important to raise the voices of women and their stories; to share our grief. Only like this we are able to understand that after all, we have each other. We can let the connection with other people and their stories heal our own scars. And this is why I am so grateful for this book; for showing me that they way forward is always together.
July 21, 2022
Will preface this by saying that I got this ARC in exchange for an honest review, so thank you very much to NetGally!
This novel is absolutely the opposite to what I usually read, and because of that reason I was terrified I was gonna get bored or not be interested at all, but this book does not disappoint. Its my first time reading anything from this author and I’m already looking forward to reading more.
This history, specifically, it’s beautiful in such a tragic way. The way the author tells you the story was done perfecly, introducing the past as the plot evolves, with time jumps that are not confusing even white carrying a dual timeline, not boring, and never feel like unnecessary information to fill in, and the fact that every character in the book feels real, deep, easy to empathize with. Every little detail feels like a beautiful touch.
I also wanna mention the politics part of this book, wow. I don’t even know how to do it justice, but it was done in such a interesting way that made me go straight to google to learn more of the timelines this book was based in. I really cannot praise Anstey Harris enough, for the way she gracefully refers and writes delicate and taboo topics (which this book touches so many of), the masterpiece that it’s her brain and how stunning is her writing.
Overall I think most people would enjoy this read, it’s deep but done in a way where its so easy to read, really likeable , overall a great read.
This novel is absolutely the opposite to what I usually read, and because of that reason I was terrified I was gonna get bored or not be interested at all, but this book does not disappoint. Its my first time reading anything from this author and I’m already looking forward to reading more.
This history, specifically, it’s beautiful in such a tragic way. The way the author tells you the story was done perfecly, introducing the past as the plot evolves, with time jumps that are not confusing even white carrying a dual timeline, not boring, and never feel like unnecessary information to fill in, and the fact that every character in the book feels real, deep, easy to empathize with. Every little detail feels like a beautiful touch.
I also wanna mention the politics part of this book, wow. I don’t even know how to do it justice, but it was done in such a interesting way that made me go straight to google to learn more of the timelines this book was based in. I really cannot praise Anstey Harris enough, for the way she gracefully refers and writes delicate and taboo topics (which this book touches so many of), the masterpiece that it’s her brain and how stunning is her writing.
Overall I think most people would enjoy this read, it’s deep but done in a way where its so easy to read, really likeable , overall a great read.
June 9, 2023
It's easy to fix broken things, but how do you fix broken people? This novel is absolutely gorgeous.
A dual-timeline novel alternating between 1960s Glasgow, when Judith and Jimmy fall in love, and present day, when the two reconnect after 50 years apart. This is a novel about adoption, but this is also a lesson in how harrowing it was to be an unwed mother in the 1960s (let's face it, not that long ago).
All of the characters-- from the main players to the supporting cast-- are fully formed. The descriptions, particularly of Glasgow in the sixties, transported me there. This is a very personal story for Anstey Harris and it shows.
Lovingly written and lovingly read.
A dual-timeline novel alternating between 1960s Glasgow, when Judith and Jimmy fall in love, and present day, when the two reconnect after 50 years apart. This is a novel about adoption, but this is also a lesson in how harrowing it was to be an unwed mother in the 1960s (let's face it, not that long ago).
All of the characters-- from the main players to the supporting cast-- are fully formed. The descriptions, particularly of Glasgow in the sixties, transported me there. This is a very personal story for Anstey Harris and it shows.
Lovingly written and lovingly read.
January 25, 2023
Love all the blues on this cover!
This is a well written and emotional story and has some great characters. A story about love, betrayal and forgiveness. Nice short chapters but it did feel quite slow at times.
It had a mixture of past and present but I did find that confusing as it was a bit of both within the same chapter so sometimes I had to think whether I’d gone back in time or was still in the present. This did make me struggle with reading it and I think I’d have connected more with the story should the past and present be clearer.
This is a well written and emotional story and has some great characters. A story about love, betrayal and forgiveness. Nice short chapters but it did feel quite slow at times.
It had a mixture of past and present but I did find that confusing as it was a bit of both within the same chapter so sometimes I had to think whether I’d gone back in time or was still in the present. This did make me struggle with reading it and I think I’d have connected more with the story should the past and present be clearer.
November 17, 2022
Judith and Jimmy fall in love in 1960s Glasgow. They are both political activists and during a raid by the police many of the activists are sent prison, including Jimmy.
Upon discovering she is pregnant, Judith is forced to give up their baby, as she is an unmarried mother.
Many years later, Jimmy reappears in Judith's life and with a must face what happened and try to bring their family together.
Definitely worth a read.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Upon discovering she is pregnant, Judith is forced to give up their baby, as she is an unmarried mother.
Many years later, Jimmy reappears in Judith's life and with a must face what happened and try to bring their family together.
Definitely worth a read.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
July 21, 2022
I don’t get on NetGalley much, largely because I can’t really access the books I WANT to read. It’s not that easy to get approved by a publisher, and I haven’t really tried that hard. So I get on there every now and then and grab a “read now” book, which doesn’t require publisher approval. When I do finally get on NetGalley to grab a book, I am not very picky, and I usually end up picking based entirely on the title. That’s how I picked this one…based on the title alone.
This isn’t the first book I’ve read recently that circles unwed mothers’ homes in Scotland. I am curious as to what prompted a few authors to seek out that particular story line. Antsey Harris is the child of a mother who ended up a victim of one of those homes, which makes this story even more poignant. This book is about Judith and Jimmy, and the child given up for adoption because Jude was an unwed woman. Judith desperately wanted to keep her baby, but during that time in Scotland, that was not an option for her, so her baby was wrenched away from her arms. Jimmy and Judith were reunited some sixty years later, allowing Judith to tell the story of the baby she was forced to relinquish. Along the way, they were able to connect with their daughter’s daughter, Ruby. Ruby tells her grandparents about her mother, and her grandparents tell Ruby their own stories.
Judith and Jimmy’s story is heartbreaking. No woman should be forced to give up a baby they love and want to keep. It’s almost unbelievable that women had to endure that kind of pain, brought to them by their own government. Both Judith and Jimmy were also brutally betrayed by loved ones, which makes the entire situation devastating. The pain Judith felt was written beautifully by Harris, I felt like I was sitting in her cottage with her, listening to her stories with a cup of tea. I typically dislike books that are written with a back-and-forth timeline, but because the “back” part of this one was primarily when Judith and Jimmy were recounting their experiences, it worked very well. These characters are easy to like and enjoyable to read about, I genuinely wanted them all to find a happy-ever-after. This is a beautifully written book.
This isn’t the first book I’ve read recently that circles unwed mothers’ homes in Scotland. I am curious as to what prompted a few authors to seek out that particular story line. Antsey Harris is the child of a mother who ended up a victim of one of those homes, which makes this story even more poignant. This book is about Judith and Jimmy, and the child given up for adoption because Jude was an unwed woman. Judith desperately wanted to keep her baby, but during that time in Scotland, that was not an option for her, so her baby was wrenched away from her arms. Jimmy and Judith were reunited some sixty years later, allowing Judith to tell the story of the baby she was forced to relinquish. Along the way, they were able to connect with their daughter’s daughter, Ruby. Ruby tells her grandparents about her mother, and her grandparents tell Ruby their own stories.
Judith and Jimmy’s story is heartbreaking. No woman should be forced to give up a baby they love and want to keep. It’s almost unbelievable that women had to endure that kind of pain, brought to them by their own government. Both Judith and Jimmy were also brutally betrayed by loved ones, which makes the entire situation devastating. The pain Judith felt was written beautifully by Harris, I felt like I was sitting in her cottage with her, listening to her stories with a cup of tea. I typically dislike books that are written with a back-and-forth timeline, but because the “back” part of this one was primarily when Judith and Jimmy were recounting their experiences, it worked very well. These characters are easy to like and enjoyable to read about, I genuinely wanted them all to find a happy-ever-after. This is a beautifully written book.
September 7, 2024
Emotional and well told
Loved this book . Well written and the story flowed out as if I was listening to a friend . Beautiful
Loved this book . Well written and the story flowed out as if I was listening to a friend . Beautiful
Read
August 24, 2025DNF
December 20, 2022
— 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 —
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: When I First Held You
𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: N/A
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫(𝐬): Anstey Harris
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Historical Fiction
𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: 24th January 2023
𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 4.5/5
”In Britain, in 1967–right up until the Children’s Act of 1975, actually–it was illegal for an adopted child to trace their parents. And’–I make sure he is looking at me, that he understands the importance of this–‘it was impossible for a parent to trace their child.’
‘But—’
I stop him. I learnt long ago that there are no buts. ‘When we had our children taken away from us, it meant we knew that we would never ever see them again. Never.’”
One reason why I love Anstey Harris’ writing is that she doesn’t play it safe. She tackles difficult subjects head on and writes the truth of them in a manner so tender and raw that I can’t help but weep in admiration.
At one point in the story, one of the characters says ”what exquisite pain” and this sentiment suits this story perfectly. It’s a story that involves the female main character joining a movement for anti-nuclear freedom fighting, and how that led to her experience in a Mother and Baby Home, where both freedom and fighting were an impossibility. The story reminds me of Waiting For The Miracle by Ann McPartlin, another book I sobbed my heart out to.
Reading the authors note of her lived experience has left me in teary awe. I really thought I would either die of dehydration from my tears or perhaps drowning. I couldn’t stop crying throughout, I can’t stop crying throughout this review. I will be accepting life jackets from here on out.
Sometimes, it’s not even about how the book was written, the story being told, the characters, it’s how a book made you feel, and this book broke my heart.
🧚🏻♀️
♡ my bookstagram • my twitter ♡
↑ follow my socials for more bookish content. ↑
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: When I First Held You
𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: N/A
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫(𝐬): Anstey Harris
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Historical Fiction
𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: 24th January 2023
𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 4.5/5
”In Britain, in 1967–right up until the Children’s Act of 1975, actually–it was illegal for an adopted child to trace their parents. And’–I make sure he is looking at me, that he understands the importance of this–‘it was impossible for a parent to trace their child.’
‘But—’
I stop him. I learnt long ago that there are no buts. ‘When we had our children taken away from us, it meant we knew that we would never ever see them again. Never.’”
One reason why I love Anstey Harris’ writing is that she doesn’t play it safe. She tackles difficult subjects head on and writes the truth of them in a manner so tender and raw that I can’t help but weep in admiration.
At one point in the story, one of the characters says ”what exquisite pain” and this sentiment suits this story perfectly. It’s a story that involves the female main character joining a movement for anti-nuclear freedom fighting, and how that led to her experience in a Mother and Baby Home, where both freedom and fighting were an impossibility. The story reminds me of Waiting For The Miracle by Ann McPartlin, another book I sobbed my heart out to.
Reading the authors note of her lived experience has left me in teary awe. I really thought I would either die of dehydration from my tears or perhaps drowning. I couldn’t stop crying throughout, I can’t stop crying throughout this review. I will be accepting life jackets from here on out.
Sometimes, it’s not even about how the book was written, the story being told, the characters, it’s how a book made you feel, and this book broke my heart.
🧚🏻♀️
♡ my bookstagram • my twitter ♡
↑ follow my socials for more bookish content. ↑
December 23, 2024
loved the author's note at the end. Just enough history to be interesting but did not bog the story down.
January 27, 2023
I picked this up on Christmas Eve, began reading and was completely hooked from start to finish. I literally couldn’t put this book down. I felt like I knew each of the characters they were so real. I cried and I smiled. This is such a moving story you can’t help but fall in love with the characters, and some of the things they have gone through.
The story goes back and forth through the years mostly told from the viewpoint of Judith. In the present time she is in her 70’s but when the story goes back in time she was just a teenager, she had become passionate about not allowing nuclear weapons. One day she left home to go and protest with others in Glasgow, she finds herself living in a squat which wasn’t what she had expected but she soon gets on with some of the other protestors after all they are all there for the same thing. It’s there that she meets and falls in love with Jimmy McConnell but after one protest the squat is raided by the police and everyone is arrested. That was the last time she had seen or heard from Jimmy. Until over fifty years later.
In the present Judith is running the Mending Shop which wasn’t really her thing but she had promised her late partner Christine. It’s a shop where people bring things that are broken and the volunteers at the shop mend whatever is broken. They don’t charge anything for repairs they are just a non profit business.
When Jimmy turns up at the shop all those years later, It brings everything back to Judith.
This is a beautifully written book, it’s a story about love, betrayal, at times hope, finding out who you are, forgiveness. I found myself crying at a couple of things, but then smiling at something else. It is based on some true historical facts which thankfully have changed since the 60’s/70’s. I highly recommend this book a definite ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ read. If you like characters that you can empathise with, feel like you know them. Then look no further because you will love Judith and Jimmy and the more you learn about their story the more you will feel for them. An absolute delight to read.
The story goes back and forth through the years mostly told from the viewpoint of Judith. In the present time she is in her 70’s but when the story goes back in time she was just a teenager, she had become passionate about not allowing nuclear weapons. One day she left home to go and protest with others in Glasgow, she finds herself living in a squat which wasn’t what she had expected but she soon gets on with some of the other protestors after all they are all there for the same thing. It’s there that she meets and falls in love with Jimmy McConnell but after one protest the squat is raided by the police and everyone is arrested. That was the last time she had seen or heard from Jimmy. Until over fifty years later.
In the present Judith is running the Mending Shop which wasn’t really her thing but she had promised her late partner Christine. It’s a shop where people bring things that are broken and the volunteers at the shop mend whatever is broken. They don’t charge anything for repairs they are just a non profit business.
When Jimmy turns up at the shop all those years later, It brings everything back to Judith.
This is a beautifully written book, it’s a story about love, betrayal, at times hope, finding out who you are, forgiveness. I found myself crying at a couple of things, but then smiling at something else. It is based on some true historical facts which thankfully have changed since the 60’s/70’s. I highly recommend this book a definite ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ read. If you like characters that you can empathise with, feel like you know them. Then look no further because you will love Judith and Jimmy and the more you learn about their story the more you will feel for them. An absolute delight to read.
March 21, 2024
Großbritannien ist europaweit das einzige Land, das Zwangsadoptionen erlaubt. Eltern verlieren ihre Kinder bereits bei kleineren Versäumnissen. In Judiths Fall, im Glasgow der 60er Jahre war der fehlende Vater der Grund für die Adoption. Judith blieb keine andere Wahl nach James' Verschwinden, als sich an das Heim für unverheiratete Mütter zu wenden. Jimmy hingegen weiß bis heute - 50 Jahre später - noch nichts von seiner Vaterschaft. Das Leben von Jimmy und Judith wäre wohl komplett anders verlaufen, ohne diesen massiven staatlichen Eingriff. Jetzt begegnen sich die beiden zufällig wieder. Und Judith erkennt ihn sofort an seinen Augen, als er ihren Reparatur-Shop betritt. Der Grund für diese Reparaturen hat für die Kunden zumeist sentimentale Gründe, sie wollen ihre Erinnerungen behalten, an liebgewonnene Stücke, die Geschichte dahinter ist ihnen wichtig. Für Jimmy und Judith bedeutet das Wiedersehen so viel mehr.
Einfühlsam und mit starken Gefühlen versehen ist die Geschichte von Juduth und Jimmy.
Anstey Harris ist das Pseudonym der britischen Autorin Anstey Spraggan. Sie ist selbst ein Adoptivkind, das 1965 im Heim für unverheiratete Mütter in Liverpool geboren wurde, und ihr dritter Roman, der im Original „When I First Held You“ heißt, basiert natürlich stark auf dieser eigenen Erfahrung. Der Schreibstil der Autorin ist brillant, natürlich und eindringlich. Liebend gerne folge ich den Figuren durch den Roman und lasse sie bereitwillig in mein Herz. Die Geschichte bewegt mich zutiefst. Die verwendete Sprache ist wunderschön und harmonisch. Die Charaktere sind lebendig und glaubwürdig.
Von Herzen vergebe ich dem Buch seine wohlverdienten fünf von fünf möglichen Sternen und empfehle es so klar weiter. Leserinnen und Leser, die eine Vorliebe für einen Blick hinter die Beweggründe für Geschichten haben, die gerne tiefer hineintauchen mögen in eine Materie, sind hier genau richtig und werden bei der Lektüre prächtig unterhalten.
Einfühlsam und mit starken Gefühlen versehen ist die Geschichte von Juduth und Jimmy.
Anstey Harris ist das Pseudonym der britischen Autorin Anstey Spraggan. Sie ist selbst ein Adoptivkind, das 1965 im Heim für unverheiratete Mütter in Liverpool geboren wurde, und ihr dritter Roman, der im Original „When I First Held You“ heißt, basiert natürlich stark auf dieser eigenen Erfahrung. Der Schreibstil der Autorin ist brillant, natürlich und eindringlich. Liebend gerne folge ich den Figuren durch den Roman und lasse sie bereitwillig in mein Herz. Die Geschichte bewegt mich zutiefst. Die verwendete Sprache ist wunderschön und harmonisch. Die Charaktere sind lebendig und glaubwürdig.
Von Herzen vergebe ich dem Buch seine wohlverdienten fünf von fünf möglichen Sternen und empfehle es so klar weiter. Leserinnen und Leser, die eine Vorliebe für einen Blick hinter die Beweggründe für Geschichten haben, die gerne tiefer hineintauchen mögen in eine Materie, sind hier genau richtig und werden bei der Lektüre prächtig unterhalten.
June 23, 2022
I was looking forward very much to reading this novel because Harris' writing is always a treat, and I was not disappointed in the least. The subject of the novel, judging by the acknowledgements, is something very, very close to Harris' heart. Maybe for this reason, she handles the tricky and emotive subject of the way in which 'unmarried mothers' were treated in the 1960s so very well. What I loved about this novel: such a lot, but beginning with the flow of the prose, which (and I don't know how she does this, by the way) does something hypnotic to the reader. There is a narrative style here that is absolutely compelling. It's been a very long time that I literally haven't been able to put a novel down, and have woken up looking forward to reading the next chapter. The characters are beautifully drawn. It's excellent that the main characters, Judith and James are in their seventies. I don't know why I even have to mention that, but it's unusual, isn't it? It shouldn't be, but it is. And the relationships between each character is sensitively and believably constructed. As for the structure, well, the ending... even now... To be clear, I am not a sentimental person, and I think it would have been very easy for Harris to have slipped into cliche here, to have relied on sentiment, but she did not, she timed it perfectly. What I think is most important about this novel is that it charts a history - women's history. It might be fiction, this, but it's well-researched and if you didn't know what women (unmarried women, who were pregnant) had to go through in the 1960s, you will do after you read this. Brilliantly done. Highly recommended. My grateful thanks to Netgalley for the pre-pub copy.
August 7, 2022
As usual in my reviews, I will not rehash the plot...
This is a beautiful, haunting book, and an emotional read on several levels; it made me cry in places, and reawakened my anger at how young unmarried mothers were treated by society and (as in this case) sometimes by their own families at that time (though I appreciate it's easy to try to fit current ways of life and thinking onto the past - but things would have been hugely different back then).
There is a lot of buried pain that people have striven to overcome, lots of secrets and lies, misunderstandings, and sorrow at lost time and missed chances. Ultimately though there is optimism - a sense of (like Judith's shop) mending things - the rebuilding of lives, the seizing of chances, moving secrets into the light to allow understanding and healing of wounds.
The main characters of Judith and Jimmy (or James now) are both interesting - they had both lived for over 50 years only knowing their own half of the story, making assumptions about the other. Catherine sounds like a lovely person. I loved Ruby (and her Dad), and wish the little family the very best for the future (yes, I know they are fictional but hey!)
I love the book's cover (assuming it's the one that will go to print) - a gorgeous image of Kintsugi (the Japanese art of using gold to fix cracks in broken ceramics)- and feel that it sums up the book beautifully.
Anstey Harris's books are not always an easy read, but they are worth it. I look forward to reading more by this talented author.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC. All opinions my own.
This is a beautiful, haunting book, and an emotional read on several levels; it made me cry in places, and reawakened my anger at how young unmarried mothers were treated by society and (as in this case) sometimes by their own families at that time (though I appreciate it's easy to try to fit current ways of life and thinking onto the past - but things would have been hugely different back then).
There is a lot of buried pain that people have striven to overcome, lots of secrets and lies, misunderstandings, and sorrow at lost time and missed chances. Ultimately though there is optimism - a sense of (like Judith's shop) mending things - the rebuilding of lives, the seizing of chances, moving secrets into the light to allow understanding and healing of wounds.
The main characters of Judith and Jimmy (or James now) are both interesting - they had both lived for over 50 years only knowing their own half of the story, making assumptions about the other. Catherine sounds like a lovely person. I loved Ruby (and her Dad), and wish the little family the very best for the future (yes, I know they are fictional but hey!)
I love the book's cover (assuming it's the one that will go to print) - a gorgeous image of Kintsugi (the Japanese art of using gold to fix cracks in broken ceramics)- and feel that it sums up the book beautifully.
Anstey Harris's books are not always an easy read, but they are worth it. I look forward to reading more by this talented author.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC. All opinions my own.
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