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A Stone Boat
The debut novel, first published over twenty years ago, from the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday An Atlas of Depression and Far from the Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity—a luminous and moving evocation of the love between a son and his mother, sexuality, thestartling changes wrought by grief, loss, and self-discovery.Harry, an internationally celebrated young concert pianist, decides it's time to travel to Paris to confront his glamorous and formidable mother about her dismay at his homosexuality. But before he can give voice to his hurt and anger, he discovers that she is terminally ill. In an attempt to escape his feelings of guilt and despair over the prospect of her death, he embarks on several intense affairs—one with a longtime female friend—that force him to question his capacity for love, and finally to rediscover it. Part eulogy, part confession, and part soliloquy on forgiveness, A Stone Boat is a luminous evocation of the destructive and regenerative, all-encompassing love between a son and his mother, by America’s foremost chronicler of personal and familial resilience.
274 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 1994
19 people are currently reading
647 people want to read
About the author
Andrew Solomon
46 books1,510 followersAndrew Solomon writes about politics, culture, and health. He lives in New York and London. He has written for many publications--such as the New York Times, The New Yorker and Artforum--on topics including depression, Soviet artists, the cultural rebirth of Afghanistan, Libyan politics, and deaf culture. He is also a Contributing Writer for Travel and Leisure. In 2008, he was awarded the Humanitarian Award of the Society of Biological Psychiatry for his contributions to the field of mental health. He has a staff appointment as a Lecturer in Psychiatry at Cornell Medical School (Weill-Cornell Medical College).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
September 6, 2022
Touching recollections on loss, love, guilt, grief, anger, hurt... A son's layered, heartfelt eulogy for their mother - decidedly and effortlessly in the delicate, idealized, rose-tintedly forlorn tone reminiscent of Evelyn Waugh. Reading experience transporting one to a still, reverent place. Beautifully realized tribute.
My first from Solomon - lead me to quickly becoming a devotee.
_______
Reading updates.
My first from Solomon - lead me to quickly becoming a devotee.
_______
Reading updates.
June 23, 2013
I came across A Stone Boat by accident, not realizing that Andrew Solomon had ever written a novel. Solomon is a tremendously gifted writer who uses language in creative and unique ways. It is what propelled me through Far From The Tree, which was a book of great breadth and sensitivity, and what kept me going with A Stone Boat. By the first 30 or 40 pages I was thrilled, thinking I had found a book that was going to tell a moving story about a mother/son relationship and about death and dying. By 100 pages my excitement was waning and by the end I found I just had to push through the pages of philosophizing. The problem, I realized, is that the characters are never fleshed out enough for me to feel compassion for them. Harry, the narrator, is a young concert pianist who doesn't just adore his mother but swims in her love to the point where he can't love anyone else. His homosexuality is both a part of the story with his mother, but also removed from her. The father and brother are both only sketches, despite the mother's love for them, so that the reader is given a skewed perception of Harry and his mother's relationship. Because of this, Harry comes across as perhaps more pampered than he is and somewhat pouty.
If A Stone Boat had been written in the third person I perhaps wouldn't have minded being annoyed with Harry and the mother. But it is Harry's voice speaking which makes it incumbent upon Solomon to make that voice one the reader is eager to hear. About three quarters of the way into the book, as Harry pursues a sexual liaison with a man named Nick and recites a long monologue about how difficult pleasures are better than easy pleasure in lofty and lengthy fashion, all I could think was, "Who talks like this?" I didn't want to hear anymore.
By the time the mother dies, the reader has seen growth in her but none in Harry. He seems little changed, although perhaps he understands himself better. But he is still unable to manage a relationship with a lover or, it seems, with his father and brother.
A Stone Boat was originally written in 1994 and, since then, Solomon has been best known for non-fiction. Based upon Solomon's beautiful writing style and his willingness to take on difficult subjects, I would love to see him try fiction again, as an older and more experienced writer.
If A Stone Boat had been written in the third person I perhaps wouldn't have minded being annoyed with Harry and the mother. But it is Harry's voice speaking which makes it incumbent upon Solomon to make that voice one the reader is eager to hear. About three quarters of the way into the book, as Harry pursues a sexual liaison with a man named Nick and recites a long monologue about how difficult pleasures are better than easy pleasure in lofty and lengthy fashion, all I could think was, "Who talks like this?" I didn't want to hear anymore.
By the time the mother dies, the reader has seen growth in her but none in Harry. He seems little changed, although perhaps he understands himself better. But he is still unable to manage a relationship with a lover or, it seems, with his father and brother.
A Stone Boat was originally written in 1994 and, since then, Solomon has been best known for non-fiction. Based upon Solomon's beautiful writing style and his willingness to take on difficult subjects, I would love to see him try fiction again, as an older and more experienced writer.
October 1, 2013
A phenomenally well written meditation/eulogy about the loss of a beloved mother. Having lost my mother at a young age, I have not encountered (until these pages) a books dealing with loss as a young man in his twenties. Though this is fiction the emotions and feelings evoked by Mr. Solomon's writing are as real as any I have felt.
If "tears are memories," this novel brought back memories of my mother, helped reconsider forgotten pieces in different lenses making them more special and vibrant.
An exceptional read.
If "tears are memories," this novel brought back memories of my mother, helped reconsider forgotten pieces in different lenses making them more special and vibrant.
An exceptional read.
February 13, 2007
i wish solomon would publish more. a stone boat is one of the best contemporary novels i've ever read.
October 18, 2020
A young concert pianist about to record his first music record is suddenly faced with his mother's cancer diagnosis. In the months that follow, Harry must come to terms with the issues that have created conflict in their relationship, especially those centered on his mother's disapproval of his sexuality. She refuses to meet Harry's lover, Bernard, and pretends their relationship doesn't exist.
Harry describes the months that his mother spends fighting cancer as a time of understanding and accepting death, of seeking forgiveness and redemption in their relationship, and of settling of old scores between them. "It was of the love my mother and I had for each other to bruise each other, part of my love to plot injuries that, by and large, I did not inflict."
Solomon is a talented wordsmith who writes with poetic imagery. For example, of his mother Harry says "...it always seemed to me that she could no more linger in the world than a soap bubble can stay on the air." And about his father, Harry describes: "I knew as a child that my father would live forever: he is made of the stuff of tree trunks and of great lakes, of the things that last."
From what he has mentioned in other of his books, Andrew Solomon draws much inspiration for this work of fiction from his relationship with his own mother, who also struggled with his orientation. Like Solomon's mother, Harry's is an elegant woman, a grand dame with graceful manners, accustomed to living life beautifully. Always in control of her life, she makes stalwart decisions about how she wishes to die, but not before celebrating her son's success as a pianist, and not before expressing to him in generous measure her love for him. I yearned for her acknowledgment and acceptance of Harry as a gay man, because those were the words that Harry always longed to hear. "My mother's love, like any love, came at a price–but that is not to say that it was a compromised love."
This book weighs heavy on the heart, as a book of love and loss, and coming to terms with one's identity at a young age.
Harry describes the months that his mother spends fighting cancer as a time of understanding and accepting death, of seeking forgiveness and redemption in their relationship, and of settling of old scores between them. "It was of the love my mother and I had for each other to bruise each other, part of my love to plot injuries that, by and large, I did not inflict."
Solomon is a talented wordsmith who writes with poetic imagery. For example, of his mother Harry says "...it always seemed to me that she could no more linger in the world than a soap bubble can stay on the air." And about his father, Harry describes: "I knew as a child that my father would live forever: he is made of the stuff of tree trunks and of great lakes, of the things that last."
From what he has mentioned in other of his books, Andrew Solomon draws much inspiration for this work of fiction from his relationship with his own mother, who also struggled with his orientation. Like Solomon's mother, Harry's is an elegant woman, a grand dame with graceful manners, accustomed to living life beautifully. Always in control of her life, she makes stalwart decisions about how she wishes to die, but not before celebrating her son's success as a pianist, and not before expressing to him in generous measure her love for him. I yearned for her acknowledgment and acceptance of Harry as a gay man, because those were the words that Harry always longed to hear. "My mother's love, like any love, came at a price–but that is not to say that it was a compromised love."
This book weighs heavy on the heart, as a book of love and loss, and coming to terms with one's identity at a young age.
October 13, 2018
Exhausting but rewarding. Ummm that is all.
April 28, 2018
This is the first book I have read by Andrew Solomon, and I will certainly read more. This is an absorbing story of a young man's relationship with his mother, and the devastation wrought by her death. Solomon writes beautifully and evocatively - his descriptions of Harry's mother are particularly vivid, so that the story unfolds in front of you as if you are watching a film. I only gave it five stars because towards the end I became a little impatient with all the introspective agonising and self-doubt.
May 31, 2010
"A Stone Boat" deserves the four star rating I grappled giving it. The challenge for me was the heavy reading that was outside my comfort zone. An entire novel dealing primarily with the dying process of Harry's "mother" was not always comfortable. However, it's power for me was that it made me reflect upon a time long ago when I had to deal with my mother's death. Although we all go through intense emotions when enduring the dying process of a loved one, Harry's way of dealing felt overly self-absorbing. However, as I've learned from personal experience, we all handle death differently. Although there were times I didn't want to pick this book up, I remained emotionally connected when I wasn't reading as I continued to reflect back upon a time when I had to deal with my mother's death. I realize that this was healthy for me in the sense that I needed to process some deep emotions that hadn't been thought through. Also testing my comfort zone was Harry's deep depression and some of his lifestyle. Although I am supportive of people in gay relationships and of gay marriage, some of Harry's encounters were tough to read through. I didn't find Solomon's writing overly graphic as he communicated well with what felt to be great honesty. Such clear lucid writing coupled with his ability to engage me through such uncomfortable topics is most certainly deserving of a four star rating.
December 31, 2018
I picked this up for $1 in an op shop, and chose it purely because of The Noonday Demon, which is an amazing piece of work. The first 20 or 30 pages were great, and I was really looking forward to seeing how the novel unfolded - but it just didn't. Maybe it's because Harry, as a character, is too affected, too introspective, too precious, and I just couldn't relate to him. Maybe it's because the concept of a lifestyle that involves endless flights across the Atlantic, luxury-laden holidays and staff - staff! - is too alien to me. What ever the reason, I found myself wanting to slap Harry, to tell him to be grateful for everything he has and to stop wasting his life! No one else in the novel seemed prepared to do that, not even Helen, who appears to have known him forever and is portrayed as having her head screwed on. (Although there was one point in the novel where she does something that left me thinking, "Are you kidding, girl?" Most of the characters speak with such earnestness that they seem to me as caricatures of themselves. Freddy seems to be the only one who speaks like a human being - and he hardly says anything. I did read the entire book, but I'm pretty sure there were entire paragraphs that I glazed over, reading with my eyes but not with my mind. Disappointing, because Andrew Solomon is definitely a great writer - but maybe only of nonfiction.
March 11, 2018
I don't think I've ever a read an emptier book on dying, death, and grief. The characters are all deeply unlikeable, and not in an interesting way. The writing is precious at best, and sloppy at worst. I recall thinking that "The Noonday Demon" was a good book, so I thought I'd give this novel a go. One might think that an author who could write so compellingly about depression, might be able to manage a novel on death and dying. "A Stone Boat" defies such an assumption. At some point I had to decide whether to cross the Rubicon and continue with the novel. I hate giving up on books, but then I also hate wasting time on bad books when there are so many good ones waiting to be read. The former trait won out over the latter conviction, and so I carried on with it. I think I could have squeezed two good books into the time frame it took me to read this bad one. Time lost... it's its own kind of grief.
December 17, 2008
Oh curse my OCD that just won't allow me to walk away from a book mid-read! This book was not what I expected. It was on a recommended reading list of an author who has two boys and chose a small, but broad variety of books to recommend to readers of Cookie magazine. The book wasn't as much focused on the brotherly bond, as I was led to believe, but on how the mother's slow death of cancer affected her youngest son. It was depressing. A few nuggets here and there and my inability to abandon a book helped me (slowly) get through it. Skip it.
November 22, 2009
The story is written from the point of view of Harry, the son who was homosexual and wanted to confront his mother about it, only to learn instead that she was terminally ill. From here starts the melodramatic narration of a wide set of emotions stirred when a loved one is lost.
I wanted to sympathize with Harry. Really. But i couldn’t.
It felt more like reading the ramblings of a selfish and whiny person. He was too wordy, too dramatic. And by the time i finished reading, i was already exhausted from all the i’s.
I wanted to sympathize with Harry. Really. But i couldn’t.
It felt more like reading the ramblings of a selfish and whiny person. He was too wordy, too dramatic. And by the time i finished reading, i was already exhausted from all the i’s.
June 7, 2023
I love buying and reading these types of books.
Boats, yachts, historical events and books about the sea are generally excellent. If there are sequels in your series, I would love to read them.
The beauties of owning the books of important authors cannot be discussed. I'm looking forward to your new books.
For friends who want to read this book, I leave the importance of reading a book here. I wish good luck to the sellers and customers...
Top 10 benefits of reading for all ages:
1. Reading Exercises the Brain
As we read, we need to remember the different characters and settings of a particular story. Even if you enjoy reading a book in one sitting, you need to remember the details during the time you devote to reading the book. Therefore, reading is an exercise for your brain that improves memory function.
2. Reading Is a (free) Form of Entertainment
Did you know that most of the popular TV series and movies are based on books? So why not indulge in the original form of entertainment by immersing yourself in reading? Most importantly, it's free with your Markham Public Library card.
3. Reading Improves Concentration and Focus
We all agree that there can be no reading without focus, and we need to concentrate on every page we read to fully understand the story. In a world where gadgets only speed up and shorten our attention span, we must constantly practice concentration and focus. Reading is one of the few activities that requires your undivided attention, so it improves your ability to concentrate.
4. Reading Improves Literacy
Have you ever read a book where you come across a word you don't know? Books have the power to improve your vocabulary by introducing you to new words. The more you read, the more your vocabulary will improve as well as your ability to communicate effectively. Also, reading improves writing skills by helping the reader understand and learn different writing styles.
5. Reading Improves Sleep
By creating a bedtime routine that includes reading, you can signal to your body that it's time to sleep. Now more than ever, we rely on increased screen time to get through the day. That's why you put your phone away and pick up a book and tell your brain it's time to calm down. Also, since reading helps you relieve stress, reading right before bed helps calm your mind and anxiety and improve your sleep quality.
6. Reading Increases General Knowledge
Books are always full of fun and interesting facts. Whether we read fiction or non-fiction, books have the ability to provide us with information we might not otherwise know. Reading various topics can make you a more knowledgeable person and therefore improve your speaking skills.
7. Reading Is Motivating
By reading books about heroes overcoming adversity, we are often encouraged to do the same. Whether it's a romance novel or a self-help book, the right book can motivate you to never give up and stay positive.
https://numberoneboats.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/se-donelle-4...
https://numberoneboats.com/donelle-43...
https://theboatyacht.com/used-regulat...
https://numberoneboats.com/used-regul...
Boats, yachts, historical events and books about the sea are generally excellent. If there are sequels in your series, I would love to read them.
The beauties of owning the books of important authors cannot be discussed. I'm looking forward to your new books.
For friends who want to read this book, I leave the importance of reading a book here. I wish good luck to the sellers and customers...
Top 10 benefits of reading for all ages:
1. Reading Exercises the Brain
As we read, we need to remember the different characters and settings of a particular story. Even if you enjoy reading a book in one sitting, you need to remember the details during the time you devote to reading the book. Therefore, reading is an exercise for your brain that improves memory function.
2. Reading Is a (free) Form of Entertainment
Did you know that most of the popular TV series and movies are based on books? So why not indulge in the original form of entertainment by immersing yourself in reading? Most importantly, it's free with your Markham Public Library card.
3. Reading Improves Concentration and Focus
We all agree that there can be no reading without focus, and we need to concentrate on every page we read to fully understand the story. In a world where gadgets only speed up and shorten our attention span, we must constantly practice concentration and focus. Reading is one of the few activities that requires your undivided attention, so it improves your ability to concentrate.
4. Reading Improves Literacy
Have you ever read a book where you come across a word you don't know? Books have the power to improve your vocabulary by introducing you to new words. The more you read, the more your vocabulary will improve as well as your ability to communicate effectively. Also, reading improves writing skills by helping the reader understand and learn different writing styles.
5. Reading Improves Sleep
By creating a bedtime routine that includes reading, you can signal to your body that it's time to sleep. Now more than ever, we rely on increased screen time to get through the day. That's why you put your phone away and pick up a book and tell your brain it's time to calm down. Also, since reading helps you relieve stress, reading right before bed helps calm your mind and anxiety and improve your sleep quality.
6. Reading Increases General Knowledge
Books are always full of fun and interesting facts. Whether we read fiction or non-fiction, books have the ability to provide us with information we might not otherwise know. Reading various topics can make you a more knowledgeable person and therefore improve your speaking skills.
7. Reading Is Motivating
By reading books about heroes overcoming adversity, we are often encouraged to do the same. Whether it's a romance novel or a self-help book, the right book can motivate you to never give up and stay positive.
https://numberoneboats.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/se-donelle-4...
https://numberoneboats.com/donelle-43...
https://theboatyacht.com/used-regulat...
https://numberoneboats.com/used-regul...
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 28, 2024
“It’s so sad to be locked into all these demands, to think that reciprocal demands are what makes love. Love should give you more than it takes. Right now, your mother is dying. Later your mother will have died. You can’t just hide behind that forever. We’re all dying, lamb chop. Your mother is just doing it a little bit faster.” And then she stopped and looked at me long and hard. “It’s not that I don’t see the way of love that you and your mother have,” she said. “I can’t try to talk about whether it’s valid or invalid because it’s just what’s true, and it’s who you are, and the world is full of lonely people, and you aren’t one of them, and maybe that’s the biggest success anyone can hope for.
But sometimes I look at you and I think it’s as though you’ve chosen a boat carved from diamond with sapphire masts and sails of rubies and emeralds for your journey across the sea. It’s breathtaking to watch it cutting through the waves, but it’s a stone boat. You have to be crazy to choose a stone boat. Anything else would be easier to easier to sail, Harry.”
I found this book serendipitously in a random aisle of a local book store. I had bought it on a whim because I saw the words "Mother's Paris" written in the blurb and it had reminded me of my own mother and how Paris was very much a city I associated with her as well. At the time of this purchase, I had never read anything written by Andrew Solomon but by the time I finished this book, I had watched his TEDtalk, read a handful of his articles and had placed an order for his book: "Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change."
Despite initially finding Solomon's characters the novel to be extremely upperclass and living an almost un-relatably immaculate lifestyle, consisting of changing cities, lavish parties and luxurious hotel suites, I started falling for the idyllic fictional world he had painted out. To read this book was to allow yourself to escape to a soirée held in some Upper East-Side penthouse covered in peonies or to have tea in some French café as the waiters dote on your beautiful family. As you read about taking a bath in a small English cottage overlooking a beautiful garden, you remember that between the lines of this picture perfect life he is depicting, there is an inner turmoil that doesn't belong. And that's when I realized that perhaps this was Solomon's intent all along - to paint this pristine picture of the perfect lifestyle, the seemingly perfect family, all so that you can feel the intense burden of these characters who are fighting so hard to keep up with the persona of perfection.
Prejudice within family. Unjust treatment of friends. An endless search to measure up to the perfection that is all around you as the person who most demands this perfection lies on her deathbed. How can you feel so wrong when everything in your life is so right? This book stuck with me long after reading it and time and time again, I still find myself relating to Harry's struggles with his love life, his family and himself. I cannot recommend this book enough nor can I encourage fellow readers to treat it as a gateway to further works by Andrew Solomon.
But sometimes I look at you and I think it’s as though you’ve chosen a boat carved from diamond with sapphire masts and sails of rubies and emeralds for your journey across the sea. It’s breathtaking to watch it cutting through the waves, but it’s a stone boat. You have to be crazy to choose a stone boat. Anything else would be easier to easier to sail, Harry.”
I found this book serendipitously in a random aisle of a local book store. I had bought it on a whim because I saw the words "Mother's Paris" written in the blurb and it had reminded me of my own mother and how Paris was very much a city I associated with her as well. At the time of this purchase, I had never read anything written by Andrew Solomon but by the time I finished this book, I had watched his TEDtalk, read a handful of his articles and had placed an order for his book: "Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change."
Despite initially finding Solomon's characters the novel to be extremely upperclass and living an almost un-relatably immaculate lifestyle, consisting of changing cities, lavish parties and luxurious hotel suites, I started falling for the idyllic fictional world he had painted out. To read this book was to allow yourself to escape to a soirée held in some Upper East-Side penthouse covered in peonies or to have tea in some French café as the waiters dote on your beautiful family. As you read about taking a bath in a small English cottage overlooking a beautiful garden, you remember that between the lines of this picture perfect life he is depicting, there is an inner turmoil that doesn't belong. And that's when I realized that perhaps this was Solomon's intent all along - to paint this pristine picture of the perfect lifestyle, the seemingly perfect family, all so that you can feel the intense burden of these characters who are fighting so hard to keep up with the persona of perfection.
Prejudice within family. Unjust treatment of friends. An endless search to measure up to the perfection that is all around you as the person who most demands this perfection lies on her deathbed. How can you feel so wrong when everything in your life is so right? This book stuck with me long after reading it and time and time again, I still find myself relating to Harry's struggles with his love life, his family and himself. I cannot recommend this book enough nor can I encourage fellow readers to treat it as a gateway to further works by Andrew Solomon.
January 20, 2018
This book is highly descriptive which can lead to immersion in a book and create a reality, but this author didn't seem to "see" his scenes, and his descriptions were sometimes contradictory and sometimes simply facts.
I was jarred on page 3. Protaganist Harry is across the Ritz lobby from his mother and describes her sitting in a chair. She is dressed elegantly in a gray wool suit, sitting on a gilt chair, and "One hand rested on her lap, holding a blue felt-tip pen, which she absentmindedly clicked open and closed."
This told me immediately that the author did not understand women. If a woman is elegantly dress in wool and silk, she would not hold a felt tip pen in her lap and click it (do felt-tip pens click? or open with a top?) open and closed for fear it would get ink on her suit. She might be looking absent-minded, but if she is so conscious of her appearance as this author has described, this element of description is way out of place. I also wondered how Harry might see what kind of pen it was from across the lobby, particularly since her hand would have been around it.
I was going to stop reading there, but determined to read the entire chapter. On page 5, I read that the piano-player at the family's favorite bar recognized the mother and played her favorite tunes, then "everyone else assumed he was inspired by the time of night, the sight of a waiter with four glasses, and the shifting light that drifted through the old glass of the windows." In the first place, who could possibly know what "everyone else" thought, but certainly I cannot imagine someone thinking a piano player is inspired to play certain pieces of music by the sight of a waiter with four glasses unless perhaps he was juggling them.
On page 9: "My mother had felt odd on the plane, bloated, and wondered, while she unpacked whether it was just a problem with the cabin pressure."
This is the crux of the story - mother's health - but bloating? Women feel bloated about once a month. And there is no further statement from the author that Mother continued to feel "bloating" while she unpacked. It was something on the plane and seemed to have passed. But Father decides she needs to see a doctor right away. This seems awfully dramatic and forcing the plot.
On page 11-12 there is a lecture from the mother to Freddy about love. It seemed contrived and expository.
I did not get to the end of the chapter.
So, I see the descriptions of these things in words, but I do not feel that the author saw them as he was writing because they don't work to describe and actual setting.
I was jarred on page 3. Protaganist Harry is across the Ritz lobby from his mother and describes her sitting in a chair. She is dressed elegantly in a gray wool suit, sitting on a gilt chair, and "One hand rested on her lap, holding a blue felt-tip pen, which she absentmindedly clicked open and closed."
This told me immediately that the author did not understand women. If a woman is elegantly dress in wool and silk, she would not hold a felt tip pen in her lap and click it (do felt-tip pens click? or open with a top?) open and closed for fear it would get ink on her suit. She might be looking absent-minded, but if she is so conscious of her appearance as this author has described, this element of description is way out of place. I also wondered how Harry might see what kind of pen it was from across the lobby, particularly since her hand would have been around it.
I was going to stop reading there, but determined to read the entire chapter. On page 5, I read that the piano-player at the family's favorite bar recognized the mother and played her favorite tunes, then "everyone else assumed he was inspired by the time of night, the sight of a waiter with four glasses, and the shifting light that drifted through the old glass of the windows." In the first place, who could possibly know what "everyone else" thought, but certainly I cannot imagine someone thinking a piano player is inspired to play certain pieces of music by the sight of a waiter with four glasses unless perhaps he was juggling them.
On page 9: "My mother had felt odd on the plane, bloated, and wondered, while she unpacked whether it was just a problem with the cabin pressure."
This is the crux of the story - mother's health - but bloating? Women feel bloated about once a month. And there is no further statement from the author that Mother continued to feel "bloating" while she unpacked. It was something on the plane and seemed to have passed. But Father decides she needs to see a doctor right away. This seems awfully dramatic and forcing the plot.
On page 11-12 there is a lecture from the mother to Freddy about love. It seemed contrived and expository.
I did not get to the end of the chapter.
So, I see the descriptions of these things in words, but I do not feel that the author saw them as he was writing because they don't work to describe and actual setting.
December 12, 2025
Typically I wait until the end of the book to write a review. This one has made me decide to write as I am still reading.
There are some poetic statements in this book; he has a knack for words. However, that doesn’t make a story. I enjoyed reading for the prose, but quickly got bored. I honestly was wishing for the death to happen just so the book would be over. I have a hard time walking away from a book, but felt I was wasting time.
I was deeply irked by the homosexual story line. I was initially happy to see gay representation in a book. Turns out the character is a self-loathing gay man who would really rather be anything but. I understand this is a characteristic of some gay people, but it really felt of the “gay-can-be-cured-with-the-right-person” spiel. Plus his mother didn’t want him to be gay, and clearly he did everything for his mother.
I was committed to finishing this book, and even reading more of what the author has written, until page 174. On page 174 I was just done. “For though I had loved my mother entirely for my whole life, though our flashes of intense hatred had never really undermined our adoration for each other—still, there was no ease between us until that moment when I finally held Helen in my arms. My feeling for Helen was not a matter between my mother and me, but it absorbed what had for so long stood between my mother and me, so that the remaining barriers could drop, to reveal entire the straightforward and fitting love my mother and I had for each other.” So gay man discovers he loves his female childhood best friend, gets with her, and everything with his mother feels okay? I’m feeling some definite Oedipus complex. Not just now, but this solidified it. To top it all off, he’s so stuck in his grief for his mother (who is still alive) that he lets the relationship slip, and states he thinks the girl will wait for him: “I chose sorrow because I believed joy would wait for me around the corner.” Of course she finds someone who loves her in the moment, not putting her on the shelf for later.
This book was grueling.
There are some poetic statements in this book; he has a knack for words. However, that doesn’t make a story. I enjoyed reading for the prose, but quickly got bored. I honestly was wishing for the death to happen just so the book would be over. I have a hard time walking away from a book, but felt I was wasting time.
I was deeply irked by the homosexual story line. I was initially happy to see gay representation in a book. Turns out the character is a self-loathing gay man who would really rather be anything but. I understand this is a characteristic of some gay people, but it really felt of the “gay-can-be-cured-with-the-right-person” spiel. Plus his mother didn’t want him to be gay, and clearly he did everything for his mother.
I was committed to finishing this book, and even reading more of what the author has written, until page 174. On page 174 I was just done. “For though I had loved my mother entirely for my whole life, though our flashes of intense hatred had never really undermined our adoration for each other—still, there was no ease between us until that moment when I finally held Helen in my arms. My feeling for Helen was not a matter between my mother and me, but it absorbed what had for so long stood between my mother and me, so that the remaining barriers could drop, to reveal entire the straightforward and fitting love my mother and I had for each other.” So gay man discovers he loves his female childhood best friend, gets with her, and everything with his mother feels okay? I’m feeling some definite Oedipus complex. Not just now, but this solidified it. To top it all off, he’s so stuck in his grief for his mother (who is still alive) that he lets the relationship slip, and states he thinks the girl will wait for him: “I chose sorrow because I believed joy would wait for me around the corner.” Of course she finds someone who loves her in the moment, not putting her on the shelf for later.
This book was grueling.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 5, 2021
Solomon is a great writer. His descriptions of events and emotions are beautifully rendered. This book was as painful a book as I've read in awhile. Writing about the loss of the protagonist's mother to cancer is the entire book. Not a single emotional detail about loss or grief are glossed over or ignored. There is no respite anywhere. Reading it, I was tied in knots the whole time. Despite the writing and the honest, unflinching examination of loss and sorrow, I would not recommend this to anyone who finds h/herself in a delicate psychological state.
My rating falls between a 3 and a 4. Because of it's painful content, I can't say that I really liked the book. On the other hand, Solomon is able to capture the reality of coming to grips with unimaginable sorrow like few other writers.
My rating falls between a 3 and a 4. Because of it's painful content, I can't say that I really liked the book. On the other hand, Solomon is able to capture the reality of coming to grips with unimaginable sorrow like few other writers.
February 27, 2021
I enjoyed Andrew Solomon's writing style. However, I found the story lacking in its development of the characters especially the main character Harry. Helen would be the exception as it is she, the outsider, that sees Harry's struggles. It was a story of perfect people in the perfect family insulated from the rest of the world. There seemed to be an overlaying expectation that joy and happiness should be given to them like manna from heaven. Others are responsible for this. Harry never seemed to come to the realization that as one grows and expands one's world, one learns what it is that one wants from life so that one can control one's destiny including joy and happiness.
January 3, 2020
My first book of the New Year! And it is a dismal little book about precious and unlikable members of a wealthy family for whom only the finest suites at the Paris Ritz will do, the wrong tablecloth at a party is disastrous, and trans-Atlantic flights are commonplace. I think that the author wrote the book in order to include some very graphic homosexual sex. There is nothing wrong with this, but it seems so unnecessary in the context of the story about a son awaiting the death of his mother. I found this book at a book sale and plan to forget it as soon as possible.
July 30, 2018
Honestly, I kept asking myself "Is this fiction?" The writing was superb, and Solomon clearly captured the waiting, the weight, and the sadness of living life with someone you love while they are dying. However, I couldn't help being critical of the ease of their lives in so many ways given their financial status; imagine if you had to live through this despair while working 12 hour days with little time off to spend with your loved one who's dying.
June 25, 2024
3.5.
for me love itself would remain so perilous, so engaging, and so entire as to be almost inconceivable
brave, psychological, and with some passages that are brilliantly philosophical. however, there are some very cringe, constructed scenes, and the writers voice is of a memoir not a novel. also, the rich people stuff is a little annoying. some passages drag on. it does reach you, though, it is emotionally compelling.
for me love itself would remain so perilous, so engaging, and so entire as to be almost inconceivable
brave, psychological, and with some passages that are brilliantly philosophical. however, there are some very cringe, constructed scenes, and the writers voice is of a memoir not a novel. also, the rich people stuff is a little annoying. some passages drag on. it does reach you, though, it is emotionally compelling.
January 9, 2025
Characters had little depths to them.
Solomon touches on a lot of deeply emotional subjects, but his writing hides behind an aloof and petty-bourgeois style, which makes it difficult to take anything quite serious. He doesn't adress the blatent (internalised) homophobia in a substantial manner, which is a pity. The main character's unawareness of his priviliged position in society makes it really difficult to understand what this story is representative of.
Solomon touches on a lot of deeply emotional subjects, but his writing hides behind an aloof and petty-bourgeois style, which makes it difficult to take anything quite serious. He doesn't adress the blatent (internalised) homophobia in a substantial manner, which is a pity. The main character's unawareness of his priviliged position in society makes it really difficult to understand what this story is representative of.
August 16, 2020
This is beautifully written but difficult to rate because this story of a young man's reaction to the cancer death of his mother is too self centered and sexually immature to draw empathy from the reader. What about his mother??? It was her death, not his. The unappreciated and entitled wealth of the family was also offputting.
August 14, 2017
Part memories and part description of what it's like for a young man who is losing his mother to cancer. He's conflicted in how his feelings about her death and his own life's path are never enough. If he spends too much time with her he feels like he's not able to live his own life.
February 26, 2018
A beautiful, heartbreaking, and real look at death, loss, growing up and love.
January 26, 2020
Sad, and sometimes surreal. Overall I liked the journey.
April 10, 2022
I would read anything by Andrew Solomon.
September 11, 2025
Gorgeous. Biased because I love his other writing.
January 13, 2026
Incredibly moving. Beautifully written but also not hard to read. Fully recommend
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