Sideshow: Living with Loss and Moving Forward with Faith

by Rickey Smiley

How do you live with the pain of watching someone you love suffer from addiction? How do you cope with the grief of losing them especially when your job is to make people laugh every day?

Comedian Rickey Smiley has dealt with these immensely difficult questions for years—first with his father, then with his son. Both battled drug addictions. Both died from overdoses. Both left Rickey weary and wounded.

Far from healed, Rickey has learned how to find moments of peace. He's practicing how to hold the good with the grief, the past gifts with the present heartache, the hope with the hurt. It's the "sideshow" he's living. It's anything but a smooth path, but he's on it, and he's moving forward. And he invites you to come with him.

Join a fellow hurting soul as he sits with his trauma, leans into therapy, and relies heavily on his faith and Scripture, which give him solace and strength. Rickey and his story will help

Feel seen and know you are not aloneProcess your pain and manage weariness and griefInvite God's strength into your weaknessFind a way forward and move toward peace 

Our pain may take hold of us in ways that are crippling, out of nowhere, and impossible to control. But there is One who can hold us tighter and keep us grounded, who gives the gift of peace that goes beyond understanding and guides us through each day.

Genres: Grief

217 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 17, 2024

About the author

Broderick Dornell Smiley is an American stand-up comedian, television host, actor, and radio personality known for his prank phone calls. The calls feature Smiley disguising his voice carrying a conversation with the recipient of the call.

Reviews

[Tiffany Spencer]

Sideshow
It took me a minute to get my thoughts together on his one but I’ll just speak honestly. This book is basically about how Rickey Smiley handled his son (Brandon’s) death last year and hopefully helping other’s deal with grief and loss. When I head this book advertised on IG I knew I’d read it but I had a little hesitation because our paths are different (in otherwords to make it simple I thought it would be “preachy”. But the hesitation I had wasn’t enough to deter me from it. I was hoping to get more of the story (of what happened to Brandon) and also last year I lost two uncles and this year I lost someone I cared about a whole lot from my past.

I appreciated a lot of things about this book. I appreciated the book for it’s HONESTY. When I first heard about Brandon’s death it was last year around the time it happened. Since I knew OF Rickey Smiley but not much about him, I vaguely remembered he had a tv show “Rickey Smiley For Real”. So, I looked up that trying to find out which son had passed. Because the show covered this up nicely -only showing his problems with drinking- it was a little vague *at first* of the cause of his death. I think what I heard was that he was supposed to go to church with his grandmother and he didn’t respond back to calls. Then someone found him on the floor of his apartment, So, it’s like what happened.

Then slowly as Rickey Smiley started to speak about it in interviews, I learned he had an addiction. So, to read details of it in the book were surprising, but they also gave some clarity. I did sort of want to know what was also going on with D’Essence, which if you listen to the morning show he has hinted on and then went into a little bit here, but I guess you don’t have to tell everyone EVERY thing. Understood!

I can appreciate that he’s an engaged father. A lot of people that I know have issues with their fathers because even tho, their fathers might have provided they really didn’t feel like they were INVESTED in their lives. Thus not giving them the “quality time” they wanted.


Another thing I can appreciate is something he left out in the book. It takes A LOT of bravery to show vulnerability with men and in front of COMPLETE STRANGERS. I come from a family where the men are DEFINITELY NOT EMOTIONAL. In the first chapter (Holding Back The Tears) it talked about how he decided to put up a front to protect his family. HOWEVER, on You Tube and IG WHOLE NOTHER STORY.

Surprisingly, there was also something about how we as black people are taught just to *pray on it* and then just leave it in God’s hands. Sometimes I’ve found that in black families if you try to express any kind of worry or fear it’s looked at as “negative”. I can not tell you how much I’ve been told not to be “negative” when I’ve had a valid concern.

There was also a lot of insightful quotes that I could relate to and found helpful. Such as the comparison to watching Lebron play and how you have to step back, create space, and take your shot. This might mean having to cut back on people that aren’t good for you. IF THATS NOT A WORD!

Even tho he meant this for parents who watch their children change when dealing with addiction-and wondering what moment caused this- it could also relate to anyone you love that just suddenly changed on you and become a complete stranger. I could also relate to when he said you can’t blame yourself for the paths people take. This year when I had to attend the wake of the person from my past, after that I just kept thinking because I could always seem to bring my ex back from “his other side”-because he had a whole nother side from when I first meet him- was there something I could have done to have prevented his accident (that is I was still in his life-even as a friend-) Anything so that he’d still be here *today*, but I had to realize no matter how much I wanted too I probably couldn’t have.

I have to say this tho-and I don’t really know why this is- but the Epilogue bothred me. Not that I don’t believe it could be true but how it was dropped from out of nowhere -which was another issue I notice he didn’t want to go into-. Through out the book he speaks on how as a kind person he often feels like he’s being taken advantage of and I just REALLY hope that this isn’t the case. Other than that I really did enjoy Sideshow and I got a lot out of it!

Rating: 8

[Cynthia Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t hardly put it down

I understand so much more about the journey of grief and healing, plus forgiveness. Which I’m working on, daily. This was an amazing read. I usually don’t review but everyone that has been through loss or knows someone that has recently, please take the time to read this book. I started on Friday, took breaks, and completed on Sunday. I’m still going over the things that I’ve learned in my heart and with God’s help will apply to my life.

[Book Reviews by Tara aka Queen of Memoirs]

While most people would have chosen to read a more cheerful and festive book during this holiday season, I chose to listen to 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 because getting through this month is a struggle for me. December is the month my mother passed away. Therefore, the Christmas season (Christmas music in particular), is very triggering for me. I was searching for comfort and healing in these pages. I didn’t want to feel alone in my grief.
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Ricky‘s narration started out very mechanical. But by the middle of the book, his tone shifted to conversational and heartfelt. It felt less like he was reading his book and more like he was talking to a friend. There were moments I could hear the emotion in his voice, moments I knew he was holding back tears.
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Although I was searching for comfort in this book, I can’t say that’s what I found. It actually opened old wounds. No fault of the author. Rickey’s son Brandon passed away from a drug overdose. The struggles Rickey faced with his son was something I understood all too well having lost my fiancé to an overdose. Much of what Rickey shared deeply resonated with me. It was triggering. Brought back painful memories. But it was also comforting to hear someone articulate emotions I’ve struggled to express.
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One piece of advice that resonated with me was his suggestion for supporting someone who is grieving: “𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵. You don’t have to talk; your silent presence is enough”. 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲.
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Rickey also reflects on the struggles parents face in trying to guide their adult children. He reminds us that as much as we want the best for our children, we cannot control their choices. Their lives are theirs to live, and sometimes they will make decisions that differ from what we hope for them.
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𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 is a heartfelt book that offers moments of healing and connection for those navigating the pain of loss. But it’s not an easy listen. It can stir up raw emotions and trigger painful memories. Still, for those who are ready, it provides a sense of solidarity and hope that grief can coexist with love and resilience.

[Jay DeMoir · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate Mr Smiley sharing his experience with grief and how he has navigated it thus far. It takes vulnerability to do that.
While some pieces of his life were glossed over, others were put in the spotlight. Overall, this was a heavy book that tried to end on a high note.

[Stephanie Gray Brand · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was just ok for me. I did pick up a few nuggets that will help me in my grieving process.

[TaKenya Hampton · Rating 5 out of 5]

While yes this book was primarily about grief. It was also about boundaries. It was about forgiveness. It was about showing up. It was about emotional regulation. And it was about healing.

He tells more about what happened with Brandon.
He shares about what happened between them to keep them from talking.
He shares about some things with his other family members. But appreciated that he didn’t go to far into those things because a) it’s not fully his story to tell and b) he is not intending to burn bridges or harm those he loves for five star ratings. especially the epilogue.

He shares about how he has found balance is joy and grief. And how he hopes to help others. He’s found it to be his ministry.

I appreciate his vulnerability. His honesty. And his willingness to share real emotion. I appreciate his faith. His belief in god. Even as someone who isn’t big on religion, I appreciated that as well but the fact that he isn’t churchy. Which there is def a difference.

It was a great read. At only a little over five hours. It was a quick listen. I got through the most of it while cleaning my house.

[Samantha]

Rickey Smiley’s Sideshow is a poignant and uplifting memoir that delves into the deeply personal yet universally resonant themes of grief, resilience, and the power of faith. Known for his comedic brilliance, Smiley shifts gears in this heartfelt book to share his journey through loss, offering readers a candid and inspiring perspective on navigating life’s most challenging moments.

The memoir is a masterful blend of vulnerability and hope, as Smiley reflects on the losses that have shaped him—both personal and professional. His writing is deeply introspective yet accessible, making it easy for readers to connect with his experiences and insights. Smiley’s authenticity shines through as he recounts not only the pain of loss but also the transformative power of leaning on faith and finding strength in community.

What sets Sideshow apart is Smiley’s ability to balance the gravity of the subject with moments of levity and humor, reminding readers that joy can coexist with sorrow. His storytelling is warm and relatable, often interspersed with wisdom drawn from his Southern upbringing and his career in entertainment.

The book also serves as a testament to the enduring importance of faith, as Smiley shares how his spiritual foundation has guided him through grief and enabled him to move forward. For readers struggling with their own losses, this memoir offers practical and emotional encouragement, emphasizing the importance of hope, love, and purpose.

Sideshow is not just a book about loss; it’s a celebration of life and the human spirit’s capacity to heal. Rickey Smiley’s heartfelt words will resonate with anyone who has faced hardship and is seeking a path toward renewal.

[Kendra Neal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have listened to Rickey Smiley on the Radio and seen his Comedy on TV. I was heartbroken for him when his son passed away. I was very intrigued to read his latest book, Sideshow.

I began reading this book and could not put it down until I finished. Rickey Smiley really had a story to tell and he did a great job at telling the story of losing his son to Drug Addiction. Many parents are losing their children to Drug Addiction or even a first time drug encounter. Rickey Smiley goes in depth in this book of how he dealt with the loss of his oldest son Brandon. He tells how his faith in God and laughter have helped him heal through the grief. The HONEST and OPEN writing in this book would be encouraging to anyone who needs the guidance in beginning the healing from lossing a loved one. Grief is so real, but giving God the opportunity to help us through can be AMAZING. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is grieving the loss of a LOVED one. GREAT BOOK!

[Chelsea Guffin · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could give this book 10 stars, I would! Sideshow by Rickey Smiley is such an amazing and inspiring read. He talks about his grief in such a real way but ties it back to his faith, which makes it really powerful.

Two quotes that really stood out to me were: “Healing is on the other side of glory” and “Closure isn’t something we stumble upon. In fact, closure isn’t something we find at all. Closure is something we create.” Those lines really made me think about how we deal with difficult situations in life.

He has been through so much, including losing his son and dad to overdoses, but he still finds the good in everything. He’s such a wholesome and positive person, and this book really shows how strong he is. Even though he writes about losing family to overdoses, this book is good for anyone who’s lost someone in any way. I’d definitely recommend it!

[Vernon Byrd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rickey Smiley’s Sideshow is a touching and inspiring book. His personal stories really draw you in, and they show a lot about his life and experiences. The way he shares his faith throughout the book is comforting, especially for those familiar with his black Baptist upbringing. It feels relatable and genuine.

One of the things I enjoyed most was how he talks about laughter being like medicine. Smiley believes that humor can heal, and that message really stuck with me. His writing reminds you how important it is to find joy, even in tough times.

Overall, it’s a reminder of the power of faith and laughter to get through life’s challenges.

[Alicia (PrettyBrownEyeReader) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir focuses on Rickey Smiley’s loss of his son, Brandon. Rickey walks readers through the years leading up to Brandon’s death. He shares how he was as a parent while working in the entertainment industry. He is very open about the struggles he had as a parent especially with Brandon who was facing a substance addiction.

I appreciated Rickey’s sharing of this experience. But I did not gain any insights into grieving. Many of the things shared in the book, I heard while listening to Rickey’s morning show or following him on social media.

This book is ideal for those who read memoirs involving substance addiction. I listened to the audiobook that was read by the author.

[Tranyce Bryant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm blown away by how well-written this book is since it is on such a heavy topic as grief. I've really had to take my time with this one. Upon completing it, I found tools I can apply in my own grief journey to healing. I pray that Rickey and his family receive all that God has in store for them. It is a blessing to share this Earth with people who can be as obedient to the Spirit as he's been during his trialing times, all in an effort to offer something healing to all of humanity. I highly recommend this one to anyone looking for a gentle, effective conversation on grief.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though Rickey Smiley is a well-known comedian and radio host, I didn’t know his story until I read this book. In it, he details the harrowing experience of losing his firstborn child to addiction, and how he processed his grief afterward. It’s an authentic look at how we need to grieve after loss, and how God can help us through our hardest times. Any parent who has lost an adult child will deeply appreciate his wisdom.

[Todd Butterworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

great read

I’m going through a similar situation with my son. He seems to be on the same path as Brandon. The words and wisdom of this book have given me the confidence and strength to move forward. Hopefully my son’s end won’t be the same, but if it is I’ll remember the words from this book. I’m going to read it again and take notes. Thanks Ricky for sharing your joy and pain of your healing journey.

[Sharon Yokum-Traylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow I so needed to hear this.. I felt all of this. This book is about his son, but it is also about losing a loved one. He speaks about healing and Pain and how to move forward. It's about how the to be gratefulness and gratitude. Healing and self-care taking care of oneself after a terrible loss.

[ORenee · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a long time to read because it was very "heavy." I was on an emotional rollercoaster. It explained a lot of Mr. Smiley's upbringing which speaks to the man he is today. Our childhood definitely follows us into adulthood (positive or negative), BUT we can absolutely change the trajectory of our lives by making different decisions. We do have permission to change!

[Heather Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book, excellent writing, heartbreaking but inspirational. Always loved Rickey Smiley, follow him on social media, listen to his morning show, and read his other book a few years ago. I saw all his heart wrenching posts when his son died. Shattered my heart. This book is a great read.

[Corene Marsham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Riveting

Thank you and God bless you, Rickey Smiley for sharing your grief journey and the ongoing journey of healing and restoration. It wasn’t an easy read but it was a necessary read.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartwarming message to those grieving the death of a love one. Rickey Smiley opens up and share how he dealt with the death of his son due to a drug overdose and provides advice to others on ways to cope. Laughter heals and could be just what you need to move you to the next level of healing.

[Tracy Washington · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can tell that this book came from a very vulnerable space. I have dealt with grief for many years and this was a good guide to help you along the way. Good job, Rickey. Every day may be a different challenge but the key is knowing we can still make it to the other side. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾❤️

[ZaKiyyah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how open, honest and transparent Rickey is in this book. He is a true testament of God’s love and strength during difficult times.

[Bre · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read, even if you’re not dealing with grief.

[Kelley Middlebrook · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt each and every word of this book. Dealing with grief is hard. This is a great guide

[Jill Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing read .

[Donna Scoggins · Rating 4 out of 5]

In sharing his grief, Ricky told his truth and gave a message that others can live by. Grief happens in stages and everyone channels it differently.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book felt all over the place, I can appreciate the journey of loss but it seemed to have no clear direction.

[Shannon Buso · Rating 5 out of 5]

highly recommend this book if you have had a child pass away! Thank you for helping me!!

[Dorothy Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! Tells how he dealt with grief after his oldest son passed away! I laughed and cried! Grief is a struggle... Daily!