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Big Dating Energy: How to Create Lasting Love by Tapping Into Your Authentic Self
How to Do the Work meets Tinx's The Shift for modern relationship advice, from a licensed professional therapist with two decades of experience and nearly 4 million followers on social media as @therapyjeff
Dating these days is hard, and no one understands that more than licensed therapist Jeff Guenther. Whether you’re looking for marriage or just a fling, exploring your sexuality or discovering your attachment style, or just trying to figure out which app is most worth your time, Jeff meets you exactly where you are, and it’s no surprise that millions of viewers have found comfort in his posts. With humor, empathy, and an acknowledgment of the obstacles to finding healthy relationships these days, he has become the dating whisperer for the social media age.
Dating in the super-online, post-covid world is not for the weak, and people are confused and looking for guidance. In the vein of Unf*ck Yourself, The Love Prescription and How to Not Die Alone, Big Dating Energy is the funny, modern self-help title that tackles the opaque world of dating, empowering the reader with straight talk and an emphasis on authenticity.
Covering everything from first dates to red flags, ideal partner checklists and knowing when and how to end things, and even a comprehensive list of people and things you can blame for why your dating life hasn’t worked out so far, Big Dating Energy harnesses the charm and easy-to-follow advice that nearly 4 million followers come to the @therapyjeff platform for daily, and will set you up to not only succeed at dating, but maybe even enjoy it along the way.
Dating these days is hard, and no one understands that more than licensed therapist Jeff Guenther. Whether you’re looking for marriage or just a fling, exploring your sexuality or discovering your attachment style, or just trying to figure out which app is most worth your time, Jeff meets you exactly where you are, and it’s no surprise that millions of viewers have found comfort in his posts. With humor, empathy, and an acknowledgment of the obstacles to finding healthy relationships these days, he has become the dating whisperer for the social media age.
Dating in the super-online, post-covid world is not for the weak, and people are confused and looking for guidance. In the vein of Unf*ck Yourself, The Love Prescription and How to Not Die Alone, Big Dating Energy is the funny, modern self-help title that tackles the opaque world of dating, empowering the reader with straight talk and an emphasis on authenticity.
Covering everything from first dates to red flags, ideal partner checklists and knowing when and how to end things, and even a comprehensive list of people and things you can blame for why your dating life hasn’t worked out so far, Big Dating Energy harnesses the charm and easy-to-follow advice that nearly 4 million followers come to the @therapyjeff platform for daily, and will set you up to not only succeed at dating, but maybe even enjoy it along the way.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published July 9, 2024
158 people are currently reading
2653 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
August 26, 2024
Enjoyed the voice and exercises. Worth a read whether you’re dating/in a relationship or not, but it's not groundbreaking information. Overall I'd recommend this if you follow the author's work on social media.
November 10, 2024
I first stumbled across Guenther's humorous dating Instagram (@therapyjeff) and picked up his book as a result. His sexual ethic rejects both exclusive monogamy and heterosexuality, and I have strong disagreements with him in many areas. But I found it helpful practically in places. Because he does not engage with concepts that have already been exhaustively covered in Christian relationship books regarding contented singleness, sexual purity, and gender roles, Guenther provides some helpful principles on specific wording for beginning and ending relationships, breakups, dating profiles, deal-breakers, and more. If you're coming at marriage from a biblical perspective, you'll have to sift through a lot of self-fulfillment speak, a disturbing ethic on sex and pornography, and a fair amount of strong language. However, the conservative Christian relationship scene is frequently guilty of being destructively hasty and unintentionally consumptive by ticking off theological boxes at the expense of loving a particular person. (That's a long and involved conversation for another place.) Because Guenther's book doesn't do that, he adds some elements of respect and common sense that could enhance conversations solely focussed on theological theory. His book helped me think about how Christians could improve on joining their theological vision with specific practicalities of loving a dating partner. I don't think Guenther's book would help everyone, but I hope we can expand our learning on how to love those we ask on dates. (First dates with coffee + testimonies need to die a painful death.)
July 17, 2024
It couldn’t be more obvious this book was written in the age of TikTok. If you’ve seen any of Therapy Jeff’s videos, this book maintains that same voice throughout.
You might enjoy this if: you want homework as you are reading and active steps you might take; you want a friendly voice to give you advice rather than a more clinical voice; you like to diffuse difficult topics with silly humour
You might not enjoy this if: you prefer more scientifically written content; you like having references to studies and research
You might enjoy this if: you want homework as you are reading and active steps you might take; you want a friendly voice to give you advice rather than a more clinical voice; you like to diffuse difficult topics with silly humour
You might not enjoy this if: you prefer more scientifically written content; you like having references to studies and research
August 17, 2024
Yes yes yes yes!! Give me more please! For fans of @therapyjeff on Instagram and TikTok, this book is full of Jeff's signature wit, humor, compassion, and empathy. I would highly recommend the audiobook for this one especially if you are already fans of his social media channels. I ended up buying a print copy as well so I could flip through the lists and activities he mentioned throughout each section. I love the piece about revisiting your "lists" often, to have a discussion about how you want to break up near the beginning of a new relationship, and that ending a relationship is not fun for either side. Trust your gut, seek professional help if you have the means, and take care of yourself first.
September 18, 2024
My fave tik tok therapist dropped a book so ofc I had to read it. It’s about love and relationships and how we navigate various stages of relationships with other and with ourselves as well. It was quirky and straight to the point and super useful tips I think for people who are looking to get into relationships but have never done that in a healthy way or are not sure how to to do. The book has its limitations in terms of the depth and nuance it’s addresses other things like psychology and trauma. But I might still recommend.
January 16, 2025
This was good don’t get me wrong: and I absolutely adore TherapyJeff. I’ve followed him for a while online. I just wanted this book to be grittier and a little more context specific. It had some great insight (I’m an anxious avoidant girly trying to undo some of my patterns) but I thought it was gunna be a little more raw. I def enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong. Just wasn’t completely what I was expecting.
October 17, 2024
I totally recommend this book! It' has so many insightful prompts you can work through either on your own or with your partner ☺️
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February 24, 2025nobody comment on the number of relationship books I'm about to log
September 19, 2024
This is a great book that gives you tools you need to succeed at dating, enjoy process, & get to know yourself along way.
July 22, 2024
Okay yall, it is time for you to get this book. It is healing and insightful. You can read this as a single, dating, married, coupled, and or widowed human. So much great advice from a therapist. I love that he reminds us that we are human and that we make mistakes. That there are ways to learn from it and prosper. The audiobook version is read by the author and it was so fun! Get the book and read it! (This comment is approved by me an art therapist)
June 20, 2024
I had some mixed thoughts on this one. Overall, I think it was solidly in the middle. I don't think this will be for everyone-- if you're not familiar with his Tiktoks, Jeff has a very distinct voice and I don't think everyone will enjoy it. I love his videos and even I thought it was a bit much sometimes. But he's still an entertaining writer, and I swear I could almost hear him saying these things as I read them. That said, I think the topics and ideas covered here are pretty basic Psyc 101 type stuff. I didn't come across any deep revelations as I worked through this. (And to be clear, I committed-- I had a notebook with me and answered every question written in the book). Additionally, I read through this slowly, and went through a range of relationship statuses as I did so. I started completely single and am now hoping to cross that DTR bridge any day now. So while it was neat that I got to experience some of the different relationship stages as I read about them, I still don't know that this book was particularly helpful for the relationship. I think the prompts can be very useful but it will really depend how deep you're willing to go, and I don't know that many folks are willing to push themselves that far. I think this would be a good book to read in conjunction with therapy so that you can really dive into the answers you come up with for each chapter. But on its own, the weight it carries for its readers will vary quite a bit.
**Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the free digital Advanced Readers Copy!**
**Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the free digital Advanced Readers Copy!**
August 15, 2024
🌟🌟🌟🌟 4-Star Review: A Refreshing Approach to Modern Dating
"Big Dating Energy: How to Create Lasting Love by Tapping Into Your Authentic Self" by Jeff Guenther is a refreshing and insightful guide for anyone navigating the often confusing world of modern dating. Guenther, a licensed therapist with years of experience, offers a unique perspective on how to build meaningful and lasting relationships by embracing authenticity.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its emphasis on self-awareness and personal growth. Guenther encourages readers to delve deep into their own values, desires, and past experiences to better understand themselves before seeking out a partner. This approach is both empowering and practical, as it emphasizes the importance of knowing what you want and need in a relationship.
Guenther's writing style is engaging and approachable, making complex psychological concepts easy to understand and apply. The book is filled with real-life examples and exercises that help readers put the principles into practice, making it more than just a theoretical guide. Guenther’s humor and relatability also make the book a pleasure to read, offering a lighthearted tone that balances the more serious topics.
However, while the book offers valuable insights, it may not resonate with everyone. Some readers might find the focus on self-exploration a bit overwhelming or time-consuming, especially if they’re looking for quick tips or strategies for dating. Additionally, while Guenther’s advice is generally sound, it may not always feel applicable to those in non-traditional relationship dynamics or those who don’t fit the typical dating mold.
Overall, "Big Dating Energy" is a solid guide for anyone looking to build a lasting relationship by first understanding and embracing their authentic self. Jeff Guenther's approach is both thoughtful and refreshing, offering readers the tools they need to navigate the dating world with confidence and clarity. It’s a book that will likely resonate most with those who are ready to do the inner work required to create a fulfilling and meaningful love life.
"Big Dating Energy: How to Create Lasting Love by Tapping Into Your Authentic Self" by Jeff Guenther is a refreshing and insightful guide for anyone navigating the often confusing world of modern dating. Guenther, a licensed therapist with years of experience, offers a unique perspective on how to build meaningful and lasting relationships by embracing authenticity.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its emphasis on self-awareness and personal growth. Guenther encourages readers to delve deep into their own values, desires, and past experiences to better understand themselves before seeking out a partner. This approach is both empowering and practical, as it emphasizes the importance of knowing what you want and need in a relationship.
Guenther's writing style is engaging and approachable, making complex psychological concepts easy to understand and apply. The book is filled with real-life examples and exercises that help readers put the principles into practice, making it more than just a theoretical guide. Guenther’s humor and relatability also make the book a pleasure to read, offering a lighthearted tone that balances the more serious topics.
However, while the book offers valuable insights, it may not resonate with everyone. Some readers might find the focus on self-exploration a bit overwhelming or time-consuming, especially if they’re looking for quick tips or strategies for dating. Additionally, while Guenther’s advice is generally sound, it may not always feel applicable to those in non-traditional relationship dynamics or those who don’t fit the typical dating mold.
Overall, "Big Dating Energy" is a solid guide for anyone looking to build a lasting relationship by first understanding and embracing their authentic self. Jeff Guenther's approach is both thoughtful and refreshing, offering readers the tools they need to navigate the dating world with confidence and clarity. It’s a book that will likely resonate most with those who are ready to do the inner work required to create a fulfilling and meaningful love life.
September 17, 2025
“Your parents did the best they could, but you deserved better.”
“But the key to a fulfilling relationship is knowing who you are and what you’re looking for and letting that guide you.”
“Your self-worth isn’t determined by someone’s perception of you. Your value isn’t diminished just because a stranger can’t see it.”
“Rejection reflects the rejector’s preferences, not your inadequacies.”
“When you’re getting to know someone, the amount of love you’re being “bombed” with should be directly proportional to how much they actually know about you.”
“And for the love of Pete Davidson, do NOT get matching tattoos.”
“It helps to remember that you judge yourself based on the intention behind your words and actions, and you judge everyone else based on the impact their words and actions have on you.”
“Remember how we figured out that all your intimacy issues are the fault of your parents, capitalism, and Hollywood? That was fun!”
“There is no objective truth in a fight. There are only two subjective truths.”
“I don’t believe that “time heals all wounds.” I’m more of a “healing time heals all wounds” kind of guy.”
“Being “healed” doesn’t mean you’ve wiped your emotional slate clean. Moving on is not about erasing your past experiences, but about integrating them into who you are today.”
“Always remember, love is a slamming addition to life. It is not the only thing that determines your happiness. You are more than enough right this second.”
“When you actively seek to learn about yourself and your needs, and you practice communicating those needs during relationships, you will find authentic, supportive, healing connections—even if it’s with yourself.”
“But the key to a fulfilling relationship is knowing who you are and what you’re looking for and letting that guide you.”
“Your self-worth isn’t determined by someone’s perception of you. Your value isn’t diminished just because a stranger can’t see it.”
“Rejection reflects the rejector’s preferences, not your inadequacies.”
“When you’re getting to know someone, the amount of love you’re being “bombed” with should be directly proportional to how much they actually know about you.”
“And for the love of Pete Davidson, do NOT get matching tattoos.”
“It helps to remember that you judge yourself based on the intention behind your words and actions, and you judge everyone else based on the impact their words and actions have on you.”
“Remember how we figured out that all your intimacy issues are the fault of your parents, capitalism, and Hollywood? That was fun!”
“There is no objective truth in a fight. There are only two subjective truths.”
“I don’t believe that “time heals all wounds.” I’m more of a “healing time heals all wounds” kind of guy.”
“Being “healed” doesn’t mean you’ve wiped your emotional slate clean. Moving on is not about erasing your past experiences, but about integrating them into who you are today.”
“Always remember, love is a slamming addition to life. It is not the only thing that determines your happiness. You are more than enough right this second.”
“When you actively seek to learn about yourself and your needs, and you practice communicating those needs during relationships, you will find authentic, supportive, healing connections—even if it’s with yourself.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 18, 2025
Some people have stated that this book covers basic principals and offers nothing new. But does every book need to be cutting edge and challenge previous understandings? The worth of this book is not in pushing us into new horizons, it is in helping us become comfortable with the ground on which we already stand. This book offers the foundation so many of us lack.
In particular, as an autistic person, I have always felt confused about some interpersonal dynamics that others treat as common sense. Sometimes we DO need these things spelled out for us. Sometimes we need prompts.
So while I technically didn't learn anything "new" with this book. I learned how to place the knowledge I have into a wider context. I learned what that information means to me on a practical level.
It's kinda like seeing a map of an area you've already been to a dozen times. Somehow, even though you've literally walked that path, seeing it from this other perspective feels enlightening.
Highly recommend.
In particular, as an autistic person, I have always felt confused about some interpersonal dynamics that others treat as common sense. Sometimes we DO need these things spelled out for us. Sometimes we need prompts.
So while I technically didn't learn anything "new" with this book. I learned how to place the knowledge I have into a wider context. I learned what that information means to me on a practical level.
It's kinda like seeing a map of an area you've already been to a dozen times. Somehow, even though you've literally walked that path, seeing it from this other perspective feels enlightening.
Highly recommend.
April 1, 2025
I enjoyed this book. I was able to get through it quickly because I only really read the sections I felt applied to me---this seems to be a common issue with me and "self help" books. If a section is about a particular period of life that I'm not in (and don't ever plan on being in again, wink, Jake), then I feel it does not apply to me and I am going to skip over it. The parts I did read, which probably amounted to 3/5 of the book, were really great. The questions at the end of each chapter are SUPER thoughtful and insightful, and helps me reflect on my own life and how I bring that into my relationship! I also like the structure of the book---something Jeff does well is that he structures it to be catered to specific people at a specific time in their lives, so I didn't feel guilty about not reading the parts that didn't apply to me. He is very thorough and gave some great advice!
October 13, 2024
Therapy Jeff is hilarious. His voice really shines through the entire book. I like the honesty that this book brings, the practicality, and the reflection questions.
I don’t think this book is going to age well with all of the acronyms and slang… I think it’s fun to read it right now, but I wish he didn’t heavily rely on the newest words… I love it in his videos, but I think it would have been cooler to have more science / less slang.
Huge fan of the questions! They were very engaging and appropriate for all forms of relationships (single, dating for a short amount of time, and long term relationships). It’s a very versatile book in that sense.
I don’t think this book is going to age well with all of the acronyms and slang… I think it’s fun to read it right now, but I wish he didn’t heavily rely on the newest words… I love it in his videos, but I think it would have been cooler to have more science / less slang.
Huge fan of the questions! They were very engaging and appropriate for all forms of relationships (single, dating for a short amount of time, and long term relationships). It’s a very versatile book in that sense.
November 10, 2024
I loved this book. I follow the author on instagram and was excited to read this.
I found that it had a lot of valuable input for both people in relationships and single people. It posed a lot of important questions
I’m giving it 4.5 stars because I think there are some parts which were very gen-zish [granted, the book is called big dating energy]. Some things read as references that won’t stand the test of time, but these were a few and it didn’t stop the book from being accessible,well-written (Thank you Kate!), and good to get through. There were plenty of times were I laughed out loud
If you’re going to pick-up any self-help book today, let it it be this one!
I found that it had a lot of valuable input for both people in relationships and single people. It posed a lot of important questions
I’m giving it 4.5 stars because I think there are some parts which were very gen-zish [granted, the book is called big dating energy]. Some things read as references that won’t stand the test of time, but these were a few and it didn’t stop the book from being accessible,well-written (Thank you Kate!), and good to get through. There were plenty of times were I laughed out loud
If you’re going to pick-up any self-help book today, let it it be this one!
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November 26, 2025Dating in today’s world can feel both exciting and overwhelming, especially when you’re looking to connect with people who truly understand and share your experiences. I’ve found that being open and intentional about the communities you engage with makes a huge difference. For example, as someone who identifies as transgender, finding spaces where authenticity is prioritized has been key. From my personal experience https://taimi.com/transgender-dating/ transgender dating platform has been a wonderful place to meet people who are genuinely open-minded and supportive. It’s made dating feel less intimidating and more enjoyable, offering real connections rather than just casual swipes.
August 18, 2024
as a long time fan of Jeff, I loved every second of this book! I plan to get a physical copy (I listened on audio) so I can go through the prompts and exercises again in the future. The dating scene is ROUGH out here, but this book brought me so much comfort and reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I have learned a lot from my past dating experiences. I love Jeff’s voice and his sense of humor made this feel way less self help-y. thank you Therapy Jeff for always being a place on the internet I can go to when I need advice, empathy, or just a good laugh 💖
October 28, 2024
Als Hinweis für die Bewertung:
Habe das Kapitel über den Aufbau von Dating Profilen und darüber, wie man Schluss macht übersprungen.
Das Buch fasst die wichtigen Themen zum Dating zusammen, geht dabei nicht wirklich in die Tiefe. Da ich Jeff's Insta Account schon lange folge, kannte ich viele Dinge auch schon.
Ich finde es sehr zugänglich geschrieben und mag den Humor darin.
Was mir gut gefallen hat waren die Themen, wie man die Beziehung dann auch glücklich am laufen hält und wie man mit Konflikten umgehen kann.
Habe das Kapitel über den Aufbau von Dating Profilen und darüber, wie man Schluss macht übersprungen.
Das Buch fasst die wichtigen Themen zum Dating zusammen, geht dabei nicht wirklich in die Tiefe. Da ich Jeff's Insta Account schon lange folge, kannte ich viele Dinge auch schon.
Ich finde es sehr zugänglich geschrieben und mag den Humor darin.
Was mir gut gefallen hat waren die Themen, wie man die Beziehung dann auch glücklich am laufen hält und wie man mit Konflikten umgehen kann.
January 8, 2025
This book felt like TherapyJeff was sitting down with you and sharing all his knowledge with all his quirky humor and grounded perspective. He really writes like he is talking to the current era of daters and not just a “back in my day” perspective (though he did love to reminisce the 90s quite a bit. Lol). Though I think some might find the writing a little casual or not understand all the jokes and humor if you don’t follow him on social media, his wisdom and passion for helping people be and feel the best versions of themselves as they navigate dating is evident on every page.
August 26, 2024
This book is funny, certainly written in the tone of Therapy Jeff, and brings important psychological insights into thinking about dating. Does it contain ground-breaking, never-before-heard-of information? No. But I really liked the prompts and focus on asking readers to consider what’s truly important in a partner. The book follows the life-span of a relationship, from dating to breakup. I liked it.
December 5, 2024
Guenther has a greatly humorous and sometimes sarcastic delivery which I love from his online videos. I imagine this book would be great for daters and break uppers. I tried to take some of the relationship advice in application to marriage and it wasn’t always relevant to me personally. But also, I don’t think this book was written for old, married people who like camping. Haha
Recommended for daters who are also looking to do some self reflection.
Recommended for daters who are also looking to do some self reflection.
December 18, 2024
I need TherapyJeff to write more self help books! This book is such a good guide on how to navigate all aspects of dating and relationships: first dates, fights, red/green flags, breakups, and everything in between. Jeff is your biggest cheerleader in helping you be your authentic self. Each chapter has prompts for you to answer, and I learned a lot about myself in the process. Thanks TherapyJeff 🙌
August 17, 2024
Funny! Can recommend. Although I don't actually need dating advice it was still fun to listen to. I mostly wanted to support Therapy Jeff, because I always listen to his podcast for free..! Contains tips about conflict resolution, and other topics which are still useful even if you aren't dating. (Actually listened to the Audible audio book version, but it wasn't listed as an edition.)
August 24, 2024
It truly felt like a healing experience reading this book. Doesn't matter in which stage of dating you are, whether it's being single, getting to know somebody, in a relationship, or post break up.
The prompts you're working with are genuinely questions everyone should ask themselves in whatever stage in life they are. So happy I read this 🙏
The prompts you're working with are genuinely questions everyone should ask themselves in whatever stage in life they are. So happy I read this 🙏
October 3, 2024
TherapyJeff is a fun follow on TikTok, and I could hear his voice throughout this guide to romance. I liked the idea of lists to track your sense of self within a relationship: fears and defenses, non-negotiables, and dealbreakers. The sections about having productive conflict and long term dating advice especially had good information.
February 6, 2025
Full of knowledge and word of advice & encouragement to tackle all the way from pre-dating through break-ups. There are lots of reflection points, so be sure to have your pen and paper ready to put in some self-reflection work . Will 100% be buying this to have a hard copy to highlight and scribble in for reference points throughout life
February 23, 2025
Well, I like the author & find him to be very refreshing on insta. The book was fun, but too shallow for me. But maybe it's because I'm a professional on the topic, so I need to cut him some slack. The book is probably suppossed to be light, so probably goal reached?
I like the main approach of being authentic in relationships & felt supported in my life approach through the book
I like the main approach of being authentic in relationships & felt supported in my life approach through the book
June 30, 2025
It’s so easy to say dating sucks and then walk away from the current dumpster fire of the dating scene in America BUT Jeff does a good job prompting you to reflect on yourself, your beliefs and wants, and how to bring your best self to love and relationships. He also weaves humor throughout the book to make you feel less hopeless about it all..
Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews