Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More and Argue Less As Your Family Grows – An Evenhanded Guide for Spouses to Stay Connected During the Early Parenting Years

by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill, Julia Stone

The Babyproofers are three women who wouldn't trade their roles as mothers for anything, and they love their husbands deeply. But after living through it and hearing the stories of hundreds of other couples, they know that with young children in the house, you need to block the stairs with baby gates, put plastic covers over the outlets, AND take the necessary steps to safeguard your marriage. Babyproofing Your Marriage is the warts-and-all truth about how having children can affect your relationship. The transition to parenthood can be a tough adjustment for any couple, but the good news is: you are not alone. Better yet, there are hundreds of simple but effective ways you can stay connected as husband and wife and still be good parents. The authors' evenhanded approach to both sides of the marital equation allows spouses to understand each other in a whole new way. With loads of humor, compassion, and practical advice, the Babyproofers will guide first-time parents and veterans alike around the rocky shores of the early parenting years.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Marriage, Self Help, Relationships, Family, Psychology

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Skylar Burris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I definitely do not recommend this book to couples who do NOT yet have children, because it is exaggerated and may thus be terrifying. For those of us who have had to face the reality that being parents does change our lives and marriages in ways that are not always uplifting, it may be worth a read.

I sometimes felt my feelings validated by this book, and I often found it humorous, but I also found it too often bordered on a female bitch session. It doesn't offer any advice that isn't to be found in other marriage books, but it does offer it in a more entertaining way. I often found myself laughing.

The perspective is slanted largely toward that of women, and I think if I were a man reading this, I would be rankled. It is often harsh. It's audience is largely middle-class married women with children, whether working or staying at home, who are married to average men. Although, I will say reading this gave me more gratitude for my own husband, who I could NEVER imagine saying to me the kinds of things some of the men quoted in this book said to their wives. Though the authors specified that the book was only intended for people who wanted to enhance marriages, not for dysfunctional couples, a lot of the people seemed pretty dysfunctional to me. Lying to your wife and saying you have a business trip so you can sleep overnight in a hotel without the baby waking you up? Denying your husband sex for over two months? This hardly seems like average marriages in need of a little "enhancement."

What I did really like about this book is that it addresses the special challenges faced by women of my generation, the post-feminist generation, where feminism has often shaped our expectations more than it has shaped our reality, often creating a difficult challenge to contentment.

This book often cuts through the dross and reveals the things we're sometimes unwilling to admit to each other. It does lean toward the negative, but given how rarely these negative feelings are openly discussed, the book is somewhat cathartic (if exaggerated). It can make both men and women feel as though they are not alone. By the end it started to seem a little repetitive and less interesting than it was in the beginning.

[Ciara · Rating 4 out of 5]

i am relieved that i didn't read this until after i already had a baby, because it definitely would have scared me. but as a parent, i found it quite helpful. i picked it up from the library after yet another fight with jared. allow me to explain: in the almost-six years we were together before we had our baby, we had fights maybe once or twice a year. since we had ramona, we are averaging fights more like once or twice a month. that's still chump change compared to a lot of couples, i know, but for us, it's like a tenfold increase! it's been really stressful!

so we had another fight because i was feeling rushed to take over baby duty for the day, but all of ramona's bottles were dirty, but i didn't have room to wash them because the counter was still littered with dishes from dinner the night before. i freaked out a little & jared said, "i feel like i have to walk on eggshells because you're clearly about to have a tantrum," & i, of course, objected to the infantilizing language & said something to the effect of, "remember when we first started dating & i told you that it wouldn't fly with me if you spoke to me in a condescending manner? i don't know why you think anything has changed. we have an actual baby if you really feel the need to infantilize someone." actually, that's exactly what i said, & he was all, "fine! i'm leaving!" but instead he just shut himself in the office with ramona, which freed me up to take a walk to the library.

the most helpful chapter in the book for me was about "scorekeeping". i didn't even know there was a name for it, but i knew that i did it & i knew that it probably wasn't good for our relationship. scorekeeping is when you keep a running tally in your head of all the things you do for the baby & for your partner, & a converse tally of all the boneheaded things your partner does to make your life more difficult. like putting the pizza box in the recycling even though you've told him at least 1200 times that the recycling guy doesn't take pizza boxes. or the time he put away the laundry without being asked, but stuffed the diapers so they were all bunched up & leaky. or that time he washed all the dishes...except for the baby's bottles, which were all dirty. or that other time when he gave the baby a bath...but he didn't wash her face & she had another baby acne outbreak. get the picture?

this book definitely made me appreciate jared a lot more & it gave me some helpful tools for communicating with him & letting him know that i appreciate him. i could have lived without the annoying gender essentialism (mommy is hardwired to protect the baby! daddy is hardwired to provide for the baby!). it's annoying that the book assumes that all parenting couples are married (jared & i are not). it's even more annoying that the book assumes that all parenting couples are straight. i can't even imagine being in a queer couple & trying to glean wisdom from this book. it could be done, but so much of it is geared for straight couples, it's pretty overwhelming. but as i personally am in a straight couple, it was at least halfways useful to me.

i also want to address the childless people that are reading this & complaining about how it is a terrible book because it presents parenting as this joyless, horrible thing that must be completely hateful. um...this book kind of nails parenting, actually. it doesn't present parenting in a negative light; it presents parenting in a realistic light. personally, i love my baby beyond words & i really enjoy caring for her...but is it work? HELL YES! it can be really stressful sometimes. parenting is seriously not all about curling up with your baby in a sunbeam & having this beatific mother earth moment, okay? that might happen like three times in your life, if you're lucky, but it seriously is a scramble to feed the baby, feed yourself, get your hair washed, wash the laundry, clean the litterbox, change the baby's diaper...it never ends. there are countless moments of joy, of course. seeing your baby smile just never gets old. but if you read this book & think, "ugh, parenting can't possibly be that bad!" do yourself a favor & don't have kids. because it is.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I should have heeded previous reviewers' warnings not to read this if you don't have kids. OMG. I'm not one to particularly like scare tactics and that's all this book was.

Alternate subtitles the authors should have considered:
1. How to Destroy Your Marriage, Resent Your Spouse, and Lose Yourself as Your Family Grows.
2. You Want Kids? Hahahahahaha, LOLsies, ROFLMAO, WTF. Seriously WTF - Your Life Will Suck.
3. We Totally Pulled it Off (One of us has THREE kids - OMG!!!1!!), But You Totally Can't. Cute Of You To Think You Could.
4. Sponsored by all Birth Control Manufacturers in the Whole Entire World.

Ick. Honestly, this was just bad. And before I get my favorite of "You don't have kids, you don't know my lyfe" lecture, please. Life is what you make it; your attitude determines a lot. And to be fair, the authors did mention this, but it was too late. Throwing that little tidbit in there on page 299/300 after you've scared away all your readers? Not the best idea. Definitely, definitely skip this one. There has got to be better out there.

[Zach Freeman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unless you are in a relationship where you and your spouse are hardcore aligned with gender norms from the last century about 3/4 of this book is just straight up bad. The other 1/4 will at least make you feel better about how you are doing with your spouse.

The majority of this book is directed towards women whose husbands a) do not like to nor, apparently, care to learn how to, cook, clean, or do anything remotely domestic, b) do not like spending time with their families, c) love all sports and watch them on the couch with a beer, d) enjoy time with their friends more than time with their families, e) expect to be rewarded with sex for doing a poor to mediocre job at any household task. Also you are a stay-at-home mom who can't even...

If this describes you - and the three authors imply this is the vast majority of the hundreds of women they talked to - then maybe you will get some good advice from this book. If not - and especially if you are not a woman - this is not for you. If you are a man that fits the description above, I cannot imagine you reading this in the first place or hearing more than "blah blah blah woman stuff" if you did read it. If that description does not fit you then you will just feel annoyed (and occasionally undeservedly smug for your own perceived enlightenment) as you read it.

I was hoping to get some good perspective here but this is stuff for couples who never took the time to get to know each other or discuss their plans as parents before having children. I really can't imagine much of this book helping anyone.

The women repeatedly declare that their husbands are great but they also talk about them consistently leaving diapers on the floor, having a "perma-scowl" on their face all weekend when they are forced to spend time with their families and complaining about having to help with anything related to childcare. As a dad and husband, that kind of guy sounds like a terrible husband and father and I'm surprised that any woman is still dealing with that kind of mentality like it's "normal."

As our gender-norm-praising leader would say, "Sad!"

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to this book on CDs. For women reading this, if your spouse is the jealous type, does no domestic chores and when he does he expects praises, always keeps score of what he did and thinks only of sex and will trade domestic chores for some fun in the sack, and you have no desire for sex, then this might be a good book for you. If your couple doesn't fit this stereotypical view, then this book might be a bit frustrating. There are some good tips in there, but lost in a sea of stereotypical crap.

[Rachel Taylor · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ooof. This book.

I am 31 weeks pregnant with my first child. So I say all these things on THIS side of parenthood. I recognize I am not the sleep deprived zombie that many new parents are...yet. However, I'm still about to roast this book.

I was so glad when this book finished and honestly, so was my husband. I listened to it on audio and I shared a lot of the content with him as I listened. As I got to 70% of the book's content, my husband suggested I quit reading it because he felt it was doing more harm than good based on some of the worries it gave me and rants it caused. But I was too far in. I needed to finish.

As I listened to this book and the many quotes shared from both men and women, it didn't take me long to look up the publication year. It was published in 2008, which doesn't feel that long ago to me, but maybe it was...? All I know is it felt like it was written for women of the 1950s.

Unless my husband is either 1. A big fat liar or 2. The most advanced and refined species of the human male (full disclosure: I do not think either of these is the case), then this book paints men in a TERRIBLE light and horribly portrays them. I don't know who these men are that they interviewed, but they were AWFUL. I had my husband listen to the list of "10 Things Your Husband Really Wants You to Know, " and for about 8/10 of the items his response was "That's garbage." But upon further consideration, most of the dads I know right now, including my own father, are also not even remotely close to these selfish pigs they interviewed. Again, totally 1950s vibe. Couldn't get past that. Also, can I please just tell men that women (at least normal ones) do not just seduce you into marriage so they can get your sperm and then ignore you!!! That came up so many times...that's psychotic. It also didn't help that the male narrator for this book had a particularly whiny and derpy voice.

To save you the trouble of wasting your time on this one, let me pull out the few helpful things gained from this book:
1. Don't keep score because that kills relationships (duh-doi)
2. Women - remember the physical element of the relationship is very important and make a point to keep it a priority.
3. Make expectations very clear to one another, unless you're married to a mind reader.
4. Learn to have humor and let some things go.
5. Be willing to make sacrifices. If both parties are making sacrifices every now and then, both parties are happy.

Very much disappointed in this book, but it definitely got my husband and I talking, so in that regard I guess it was a success.

[Marion · Rating 1 out of 5]

DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! It is utterly depressing and filled me with terror about life with kids. Maybe some of it is true but you just don't need to read about it. Deal with your own life and marriage. Don't read about other people's gripes.

[Sonia Gill · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is horribly sexist. It's also poorly written and disorganized. I do not recommend it.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very practical, specific, and insightful book regarding how men and women act in their marriage, why they do, and what changes (or will need to change) when you throw children into the mix. I especially recommend that couples read it so you can talk through the "do you *really* think that way?" sections. It's not a perfect book, but it is one of the best parenting books I've come across. The issues it does have are attributable less to fault by the authors and are more to its origins and purpose.

Written by three women it does a better than average job of representing men's feelings and motivations but cannot do it perfectly because, well, the authors are not men (go figure).

The other fault is due to it's purpose. That is, it attempts to guide middle- to upper-class heterosexual married couples through the pitfalls and tribulations of child rearing. With this goal in mind it does not mention any alternative parenting situation, it does not adequately address the special challenges that lower-income families have, and either for effect or (sadly) because this is actually the norm, it assumes a rather parochial view of marriage responsibilities where men expect women to do the child rearing.

Perhaps this last criticism is unfair, as this book is actually an attempt to explain both the biological origins of those assumed responsibilities, as well as to provide a mechanism to communicate and perhaps to better share the load. Even so, there appears to be a tacit assumption that your marriage accepts those roles.

One word of caution: some parts are scary and will make you want run to the drug store for your favorite brand of contraceptive. So, if you have, or are planning to have children, also pick up a "lighter" book on parenting such as "Crouching Father, Hidden Toddler" or "Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads" to lighten the mood.

[Carrie Palombo · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is pretty awful at many points. I understand that to write such a book, you may have to make generalizations and stereotype groups ... but this is ridiculous. The book totally discredits men and their desires and capabilities. And it groups women together in very negative light.

Some lines I felt particularly gross: "Without doubt they (men) love their babies, but they just fine them (dare we say it) a bit boring."

"Men's love for their newborns is of the low-burn variety, however, not the flaming vortex that engulfs their wives."

"Listening and understanding: two words that really turn a man off."

"Mild feelings of compromising. These will pass." (In reference to having sex with your husband when you don't want to.)

They refer to women as "girls" at many points, too. Come on.

I get what the authors are trying to do (trying to relate to "real" issues while still being funny!), but frankly, besides the last chapter with some solid, clear-cut suggestions of how to pull yourself out of an unhappy marriage, I find this book pretty embarrassing. It gives men no credit, and without giving them credit, how are women ever supposed to expect anything from them? It also turns women into a nagging, whining, unhappy, asexual character, which I find offensive.

I understand there are common attitudes, moods, themes and behaviors in marriages, but this book would benefit immensely if it steered away from simplifying the human experience into stick figures of men and women, and put a little value into men and women as individual people who have to come together to do this very big thing of raising children while maintaining a marriage.

Also -- the authors just rambled. There wasn't much order or structure to the book. Just repeated negative notions of how women are like this, men are like this, in-laws are like this, life is like this, etc. It became very hard to push through very early on.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has been a really good discussion point for my husband and me - we don't have kids yet, but it's good to see what kinds of issues we might have and discuss how we would like to deal with them, before we are angry and sleep-deprived all the time. The book tries to take into account both sides of each issue (each chapter is broken down into "how he feels" and "how she feels"), although sometimes they tend to be a little hard on men (there is more assumption that men will change than there is that women will change). Overall, this is a great book. The authors are writing from their own experience as mothers and wives as well as from many, many interviews with men and women in different situations. It has really made me think about the way I feel about things, and look at things from my husband's perspective as well. I found myself wanting to mark pages for him to read about how I feel, and run to him and ask "is this really how you feel about ___?" For the most part, you probably won't dramatically change the way you feel - the authors point out that many of the tension points come from differences in fathers' and mothers' "hardwiring" - but it will make you think about how you ACT. Just understanding your spouse's point of view should help a lot, and that clarification is what this book offers.

[fruitcake · Rating 4 out of 5]

One day the three authors were sitting around and discussing the problems in their marriage since the baby(ies) had arrived and realized that they all were having the same issues. So they wrote this book. It discusses the fighting, the scorekeeping, the in-laws, the lack of sex, etc. It's full of humor, snark, and tell-it-like-it-is.

Is there a life-changing method or revelation in this book? Probably not. But I found it cathartic to know that the struggles I've had in my marriage since the arrival of the baby aren't new or uncommon--seeing the exact problem described in the book was a huge relief for me, actually. The other reviews here ding this book for being scary or mean, and many of the reviewers don't even have children yet. The thing is that you can't know how your life will change after the baby. It all depends on your personalities, work situations, and support systems. Did every section of the book apply to me and my marriage? No. But the parts that did were very helpful. I'm glad I found this one.

[Arianne Askham · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nope nope nope. Don’t waste your time on this one. There are a few interesting ideas, but honestly 99% of each chapter talks about marital problems with very little advice. There’s a lot more in here to unpack but I don’t want my thoughts to be too adult for my good reads reviews streak! So suffice that to say, marriage is multifaceted and deserves a thoughtful multifaceted approach. I’m sure there are great books out there about marriage after children but this is not one of them.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book doesn't have a ton of brand new information, but I did think it helped me feel more informed about the male perspective, and I think it had some good reminders. I'm happy I read it.

[Raven · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read full of humor and practical advice. Though it has fairly hetero-normative, hyperbolic Gen-X vibes, it still has a message that was digestible, down to earth, and actionable. I definitely recommend it to anyone who is about to have or already has young kids, even if I suggest it be taken with a grain of salt and a few eye rolls. I'm extra happy I co-read it with my husband, as it laid a foundation for good conversations and advanced plans. We'll see how they hold once the baby gets here!

[Melissa Swistek · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was surprised by the number of reviews claiming that this book is stuck in a 1950’s image of what marriage looks like. On the contrary, the authors focus on the fact that modern marriages look nothing like the traditional arrangements of yore. The trouble is that our relationship expectations and societal pressures are often out of synch with our natural tendencies.

That being said, this book is written from the perspective of women in traditional, heterosexual marriages. Some are SAHMs, some work outside the home. It is also largely anecdotal and the authors are not relationship experts or psychologists.

I read this because I wanted a relationship book that was not wholly focused on the mother’s point of view and discussed the needs of both spouses. I felt that this book accomplished a fairly evenhanded assessment of both parties.

[Max Callahan · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was a lot of good information, but it was permeated by unhelpful male stereotyping. If this were a pioneering book exploring new territory, I think I would be more lenient in my review. It is a marriage book presenting old information in a sassy, your husband is a doofus who needs sports analogies in order to understand relationship dynamics, kind of way. There are definitely some good takeaways from this book, but I would recommend finding a different marriage book without the misandry.

[Sarah Joan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Triggered some good ideas. I didn’t finish it because I was tired of repeatedly hearing gender stereotypes about dads watching sports and always wanting sex and moms being overly protective and taking on all the responsibilities. Also the repeated descriptions equating having a baby to being in a war zone were a bit much. I get that it’ll be tough, but perspective that people have been doing this for millennia is healthy.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off: I'm not pregnant. The only way I'd have a baby in my belly right now is if I ate it. So let's get that off the table.

This book reminds me a lot of the dog training reading I've done--don't let this little thing take over your life. That means carve out time for your marriage, and for your own interests and hobbies, and don't obsess too much about upping the ante with other baby owners: just like how the dog groomer will try to upsell you on the fur extensions (absolutely a real thing), people will expect you to throw elaborate birthday parties and be organic-only and whatever else.

There's also some 90s Men-are-from-Mars kinds of divisions. Evidently, women are likely to become passive-aggressive control freaks who don't want to do it all themselves, but certainly don't want anyone else to do it wrong (read: differently), while men want to take short cuts and get far more sex than they're getting post-baby. Also, there are a lot of football analogies. It can get a little tiring to read all the sniping quotes, but I guess it's a book on repairing relationships, so it has to start with what things don't work. Here's what's no good:

score keeping . Instead of counting up imaginary points for changing diapers, cleaning the house and bringing home a paycheck, make clear divisions, e.g. "I am in charge of cooking and cleaning the kitchen; you are in charge of cleaning the bathrooms," "I will wake up with the baby from 8-1 am, if you wake up with the baby from 1-6 am," or "I will plan the family activities this week and you can plan it next week"

criticizing Just because someone does it differently, doesn't mean it's worse. And if it is worse, show them how you want it done and why. Men, especially, according to the book, tend to give up if they're constantly told how they're fathering wrong and will eventually duck out by saying "you're just better at it."

keeping the burden on one person Doesn't mention paternity leave explicitly, but recommends "training weekends" as times when the primary caretaker (usually the wife), literally leaves town for 48 hours to let the secondary caretaker (usually the husband) know how hard it is to do it alone, but also how to perform skills that will help them become more competent child rearers in the future.

[IRIFF · Rating 4 out of 5]

To give myself a little credibility for this review: This was my reading material as I breastfed (or pumped for) my first-born baby. I finished it today and my son is only ten weeks old.

When approaching a self-helpy book, it is imperative to remember the true benefits of a stereotype (yes, benefits!). A book like this is written for a large demographic of people, covering a wide variety of very personal experiences. You must remember: if the shoe fits, wear it. If not, move along to the next pair. Or, take a good look at it and think to yourself: I'm so glad that's not me!

Whether you have children now or will someday, it is important to remember that your marriage will change. Some of the examples and anecdotes in this book will look like an extreme, dramatized, exaggerated caricature of you while others will have you feeling grateful that you have it so easy. If you don't have kids, don't despair! You will most likely not fall into every one of the situations you read about in this book. And, if you do, these ladies offer some pretty good ideas on how to work through the struggles together. If you have kids already and find that you do not relate to some of these issues, or you think some of the solutions suggested are out there, remember the thing about the shoes. If you get to a point where you think about giving up on the book, maybe the part where they recommend the Five-Minute Fix (really?!), keep reading. The end, for me, was the best part.

I almost want this book to be a permanent fixture on my shelf; one that I can refer to as the stages of my marriage evolve. What doesn't apply now may be an issue in the future.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

My review can basically be summed up in two quotes from other Goodreads member reviews:

First: "I sometimes felt my feelings validated by this book, and I often found it humorous, but I also found it often bordered on a female bitch session."

This is pretty dead on. It was nice to know I'm not alone in being overwhelmed by some of the feelings and stresses involved in being a new mom. But sometimes it got a little too whiny, and I felt it went overboard with the stereotype of lazy/unhelpful/escapist/only-want-sex husbands. Maybe I just have an exceptionally awesome husband ;) but seriously, I think books like this often don't give men enough credit.

Second: "What I did really like about this book is that it addresses the special challenges faced by women of my generation, the post-feminist generation, where feminism has often shaped our expectations more than it has shaped our reality, often creating a difficult challenge to contentment."

This is more of what drove me to read this book, and those are the parts I enjoyed. In the three months since my daughter was born, what I've struggled with most is trying to "have it all" -- keep time to myself for my hobbies, keep the house in order, do well at my job, etc, all while trying to be a good mom. Even though I rationally knew many of the recommendations the book makes (which all boil down to basically "don't be so hard on yourself"), it's still helpful for me to read them and remind myself.

[April · Rating 2 out of 5]

A friend gave me this book before our first was born. I started to read it, and it kept making me grumpy. I was so frustrated that they assumed my great husband, and my great marriage would not do well through babydom. We both stopped reading it, put it away and forgot about it. I was cleaning closets two 1/2 years later and reread it, now from the perspective of a mom whose marriage was in fact tested by the demands of having a baby and of my husband being not well through a lot of the demanding parts.

The book still makes me grumpy.

Don't get me wrong- they are witty and funny, and spot on about a lot of the easy fights when your life is changed forever by a new family member. I did enjoy the humor. The problem is, that in making their point, they show the worst of the worst of the dads involved, and even the moms. There is something so disheartening about all of that- that there are men out there actually hiding from their wives and kids, I just couldn't get over how awful that was. It is hard to find the humor in such basic cowardice. I like their main points: we need to maintain our marriages, even after adding new family members, we need to take ourselves less seriously, lighten up a bit, and so on. This book just isn't the right delivery mechanism for me, personally. I don't regret reading it, but I'm not going to read it a third time.

[Betsy · Rating 2 out of 5]

There's certainly a need for more literature about preparing marriages and partnerships for the impact of having children, so I'm glad "Babyproofing Your Marriage" exists. I only wish it had been written with a bit more professional input (all of the authors are simply writing from their perspectives as wives and mothers; no one seems to have a degree or professional background in counseling/mental health/etc.). The book also felt sexist at times, generalizing often boiling down issues to the core value of women being overwhelmed by housework and men wanting more sex.

On the plus side, the book is a good tool to examine your own expectations about division of labor, willingness to relinquish control over certain child-rearing responsibilities and investing time and energy in your relationship with your partner. Some of the anecdotes are funny, and many new parents will recognize themselves in the pages.

This guide seems particularly better suited for families where mom either reduces her involvement in the workforce or stays home full time. There's less advice for dual-income households and essentially no advice for households where dads either don't work outside the home or have the positions with more flexibility/shorter hours.

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overall, a useful book. I have been able to relate better to my husband since reading it. Like the subtitle says, it's about communication, and keeping your sense of humor in order to get your marriage through the hellacious time before your children start grade school.

My one quibble is in the chapter about dealing with the second child and onward. To quote, "In hindsight, taking care of one child was a hobby." (page 198) Have you ever heard someone say, “If I’d had that one first, I wouldn’t have had any more children”? Well, I had that child first, and there will be no more. This is not a hobby, and I found the authors’ assertion insulting. They chose to have more children, and that's fine, but don't act like the rest of us are slacking because we quit at one.

Even with my one quibble, this is probably the most useful book for dealing with my marriage post-baby that I’ve ever encountered. Although the basic message is: find a way to suffer through until the kids start school, and most of these marriage problems will magically disappear.

[Laura Radniecki · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a friend who has two young kids.

I am currently expecting my first child in a few months.

Overall, I enjoyed this book a lot. I think the three authors balanced a perfect amount of humor and self-depravation, while being truthful and honest, and fair too. They shared both sides of the male/female perspective, and tried to bridge the gap between a lot of the issues that parenthood can bring into a marriage.

Some of the information was a bit overwhelming and scary for me to read, because I haven't had kids yet and I'm probably still in the stage where I think that won't happen to us or our house.

But I know that if I had waited and opened and read this book a few months into parenthood, I'm sure I would be nodding and agreeing right along with all the points that scare me now. I decided to read this now though, because who knows how much reading time I'll have in the early months after my first baby is born.

As far as parenting and marriage books go, I think this is a great choice, and one that will keep you laughing as you read!

[Lisa R. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this hilarious, practical book recently because my husband and I have argued more in the past 6 months (post-baby) than in our entire previous 5-year relationship - and I understand now that's par for the course with the sleep deprivation and added stress of bringing a new person into the world and your home.

This book is worth it just for the quotes from real-life parents, which truly let you know that you are not alone in your stress, anxiety, and frustration (although some of the quotes I doubt are real because they just seem to pat, to articulate). I would recommend reading it before giving birth to prepare you for the long, exhausting road ahead, so hopefully you can mediate some of the scorekeeping, nitpicking behaviors the authors mention.

When I think about it, I can't recall anything I really learned from this book - but it's nice to know everyone goes through the same darn thing and it's worth a few laughs.

[Christopher McDonald · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's that time... the baby is almost here and apparently the dynamic of my marriage is going to change! Ha! It's not that I'm doubting it. I'm actually sure it will. A good number of my friends have had kids in the past 3-5 years and some of them were honest enough to open up to me about the critical adjustments in their lives. The funny thing, however, is they didn't invite me into that honesty until my wife was pregnant. So, just like this book says, it's almost taboo for people to admit the strains of marriage having a child brings. That reason alone was enough for me to read this book and assess the common reasons that create tension in marriage with children. Most of them are absolute no-brainers, but I guess as humans we get complacent and forget. I guess I'll have to bring my A game to my new lifestyle!

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

So this 300 page book could really be broiled down to one top 10 list in a magazine. But then you wouldn't get to read the quotes and outtakes of 'real life' men and women. The best part of these quotes - I got a chuckle saying "surely these people aren't for real. And if they are, then I'm quite the lucky girl as my husband is not a neanderthal". In short, years with kids are crazy. Your old life is gone. Embrace the new life. Communicate. Have some me time. Don't be a nag. If only it was all that simple. I enjoyed reading this book while I was nursing my little one. Can't say I recommend it, but I don't regret reading it.

[Becki · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book covered a lot of the same things that most books do: splitting chores, giving each other free time, that this too shall pass, etc.
I appreciated the humor in the book and the way things were presented. And interesting topic I hadn't seen in other books of the same topic: the grandparent battle. However, I did not appreciate the foul language. I have (unfortunately) become used to that in popular fiction today. I didn't expect to see it in a non-fiction book on parenting a new baby and your marriage. A bit of a turn off.

[Ashley Hammond · Rating 1 out of 5]

The amount of people who aren’t capable of communicating their needs with their spouses is terrifying. This book also portrays men very poorly.