Tweaked: A Crystal Memoir

by Patrick Moore

“There are moments when I suddenly realize that I’m a nice boy from Iowa who is entirely comfortable sitting in a room of freaks.”

So begins Patrick Moore’s unforgettable account of life as a crystal meth addict—a “tweaker.” Like a wild ride down Alice’s rabbit hole with a guide who is darkly funny and heartbreakingly honest, Tweaked chronicles a twenty-year trip that stretches from Moore’s lonely childhood in Iowa with his grandmother, Zelma—an alcoholic artist who, when loaded, turns frozen food into crafts projects —to the day he sits, naked, in a Los Angeles rental, hallucinating about psycho-robbers while talking to a possum he’s sure is God. Along the way, there are acid trips at the V.F.W., Dexetrim study halls with his Bad Girl Posse in the seventies, teeth-grinding nights of dancing and anonymous sex in New York City’s hottest eighties clubs, taking pictures of Andy Warhol, losing friends and lovers, and navigating a Byzantine underworld of cookers, users, club kids, dealers, and colorful characters as intense as the drug itself. There is Lee, the glamorous, outré bad boy with a devastating wit and a taste for danger; Tony, the tweaker who likes to remove his eyebrows; Ding-Dong, the Depends-wearing, nearly blind housemate; Hisako, the artist and squatter with an impenetrable Japanese accent and a fondness for hot plate cooking; “Mother” Judy, the tough, butch rehab counselor who takes no prisoners, and countless others on the road from crystal meth hell to eventual sobriety.

Candid, gripping, and ultimately triumphant, Tweaked is that rarest of memoirs—a tale so vivid and personal in the telling it feels like fiction, but every word is true.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, LGBT, Addiction, Drugs, Biography Memoir

224 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.
See this thread for more information.

Reviews

[M_ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I normally am drawn to reading non-fictional accounts of struggles with drug/alcohol abuse and the like, but this book made me very uncomfortable. Yes, it was about one man's struggle with drug and alcohol abuse, but it was more about his struggle with being a gay man in both NYC and LA during the height of the AIDS epidemic and how careless he was in his many (and often graphically detailed) encounters with other men. Had I known it was more about his graphic sexual escapades rather than his struggle to become sober, I'm not so sure I would have read it.

*Note in response to a comment made by a person named John about my review:
I am in NO way homophobic, as John, whom I don’t know, responded to my review. I am a supporter of ALL love. I just don’t care to read about ANYONE’S sexual journeys, no matter their sexual preferences, if I’ve chosen a book that is supposed to be based largely on someone’s struggles with drug and/or alcohol abuse. I’ve had trauma in my life for which I am in intensive therapy, so there are certain things which severely trigger me. I have to choose my books very carefully. If I feel I’m ready for a book involving sex, I’ll choose one. At the time I chose this book, I was not. That’s why I wrote the review I did. To call someone homophobic over a one paragraph rebook review when you don’t know them at all is careless and uncalled for, John. Please be more mindful in the future.

[Jean · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked this title up to read a nonfiction account of the author’s drug abuse and recovery ..... NOT detailed accounts of his promiscuity as a same-sex attracted man at the height of the AIDS epidemic. This book was way more about homosexuality than it was about crystal meth. If that’s your thing, then this book is for you. If you want to learn more about drug addiction/recovery, choose something else.

[Glenda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am generally a fan of addiction books but I found this one to be more about his gay lifestyle and sex addiction rather than his meth addiction. If I would have known that I may not have read it.

[Angela · Rating 1 out of 5]

not at all what i expected from the blurb. didn't really like this one; no hesitation to donate once finished. do not recommend. :(

[Bunny Roberts · Rating 3 out of 5]

The end of the book was beautiful.

[Cecil · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book drew me on and for at least one meth head it made me feel how they see, or maybe more than one. Excellent.

[Brad Bowman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really feel that this book is misunderstood and maybe miscategorized. A reflective memoir about drug addiction it’s a little underwhelming. Yes we got the “what” and part of the “why” but if you’re looking for “how” in an addiction narrative this book is not for you.
That being said!
I really enjoyed this book for its insights into the AIDS epidemic and crises in the 80’s and 90’s. Moore gives a different perspective and one whose focus isn’t just on NYC or San Fran.
One of the most poignant chapters was the one where Moore is a sober companion to a recovering addict to a circuit party in LA. From his description of the trance-like states reached (even when sober) while dancing all night at a gay club while interweaving the narrative of the final days of his partner, this chapter is Moore at his most humanistic. I did find, from a recovery perspective, how elegantly Moore was pro-harm reduction without being preachy or directly stating it in this chapter as well. Not all of us need to avoid every trigger we have and there are opportunities for us all to reacquaint ourselves with our former triggers in a way that’s right for our own recovery journeys. There was also some salient beginnings to looking at the importance that circuit parties have in building communities (positively or negatively).
There is a lot to glean from this enjoyable read from Moore. I’d highly recommend it for anyone interested in stories for survivors of the AIDS crisis, anyone interested in gay lifestyles, and even those looking for an addiction narrative (especially from the perspective of crystal meth). Or if you just want to be taken into the chaotic, lurid, quasi-fab life of a member of queer community.

[Emily Park · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I was curious about the adventure to sobriety for a crystal meth addict. I wanted to read the embarrassing stories of highs, the sad stories that accompanied becoming sober and realizing the pain caused, the loss, heart ache, gains. I expected a powerful story about how Patrick Moore became sober.

That is not what I got. This book is almost a collection of short stories of this mans life. While the stories are entertaining - they are not a complete story. It gets confusing in between, caused by the gaps in his stories.
This is just not "the story of his 20 year journey through sobriety".

I also wish that Moore did not put the words "crystal meth" into the title. The story was more about his journey as an addict. The story of an addict who happened to be gay, would be more exact. More stories were focused on his sex life than his drug addiction.
Entertaining- but not what was advertised.

[Kendra Hawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is much more than a memoir for addiction. It's a very raw look into what life was like for a gay man during the AIDS crisis. This book make me angry, but not in a bad way. Angry at how the author was treated, how an entire community was treated during a very scary time, and how the author made continuous mistakes. Yet it was easy to see how one could be driven to these mistakes or simply give into the dispare at times. BUT, though this story doesnt have a lovable hero, there was something refreshing about it. Refreshingly honest and fuel for my political outrage.

[Krista Carolyn Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly great book, the writing left me feeling his emptiness and despair at times and painted a vivid picture of his world as he saw it. His story is at times horrific and sad, yet he doesnt convey it as such never depicting himself as a victim. His strength really pushes through, and yet shows just how vulnerable and weak he can be at times.

[Courtney Carter · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - this is a pretty honest account of what it’s like being an addict of anything... not just drugs and alcohol. As someone who has struggled with addiction, the diction regarding chasing a feeling, is so powerful and relatable for me. I’m glad that Mr. Moore has come out on the other side, and hope that he continues a life of sobriety and recovery.

[Blair · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted this book to be good. It wasn't. It was just a series of ramblings about drug gay fueled sex. He wanted sex. He needed drugs for sex. That's about the extent of his drug use story and nothing about his recovery. Meh.

[Jess · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was not what I expected it to be. While I am empathetic to his struggles as an addict, this was mostly graphic detail about sex and less about his struggles with addiction. Just not what I was expecting, and if you’re looking for a book about addiction, this really wasn’t it.

[Brandon Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story. Although it might not be for the faint of heart. As it describes some pretty graphic scenes. I think this memoir is spectacular. Reason for missing the last star is because I felt that it got a little lengthy on certain stories throughout the book.

[Emily Young · Rating 2 out of 5]

This memoir was not as entrancing as I had expected it to be. The writing felt dry, and the story only partially maintained my interest. I appreciate the grueling road to recovery, but the writing dragged on, at least for me.

[Alixx · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book again as an adult I had a different perspective on it. Some of the moments in the book where Moore talked about his addictions I sort of related too since I myself have picked up a couple of addictions since my first read of this book my senior year of high school. I totally recommend this book especially to anyone with any sort of self destructive additions. I forgot just how emotional the ending was. It’s one of those where you just have to set the book down and stare into the distance for a moment and think.

[Nicole Gill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome the best personal life story. Loved and laughed and crude thru the whole thing

[Paul Batt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Triggers all day. Not a gay man into drugs in the world that should not read this book. Had me wondering if i was gay reading it. Other then all the gay sex it was good for my recovery.

[Heather]

I really liked this book. The story was easy to read and follow. I am fascinated at what people go through with addiction.

[Joshua Rem · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not worth the read.

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

not very good

Doesn’t talk much about meth or using challenges. Mostly an abstract story. Not much about addiction except for the fact that the author is an addict.

[Cody · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tweaked
Tweaked is a book about a kid; Gordie, and his older brother, Chase, and Chase’s downfall spiral into the addiction of crystal meth. The main characters are Gordie, his friends, Chase, and the parents of Gordie and Chase. It shows how crystal meth addiction takes a major toll on the family of the user and also the user as well. The book starts out very good and then towards the end a chain of events just start happening and Chase digs a grave for himself basically. Eventually it breaks the family apart and shows how drugs basically ruin everything. I liked that the book showed the affects of crystal meth and what happens to the user and his/her family. I made me really think about addictions to crystal meth, and how it hurts more than just the user. I think they should continue the book in a series, in my opinion it’s a very good book. This book also showed me that addiction is a very serious thing. It hurts more then the person using drugs.
I’ve learned that there are people in real life that’s going through the same problems as the character in this book. Addiction shouldn’t be taken lightly. It hurts more then you realize. I personally have lost someone very close to me for an addiction. Like I said, it hurts more people then you think.

[Raeann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as a followup to the authors father's book A Beautiful Boy. These two books must go hand in hand. They are very powerful and I believe every parent should read them. While reading both of these books I was frustrated, very upset, really disgusted and quite frankly .......... frightened for my children, the children of my friends and any child growing up in our culture today.

These books were real eye openers for me. Maybe a lot of that had to do with the fact I had a child in middle school and another in high school at the time I read them. But whatever the reason, I'm glad both father and son were able to tell their honest account of what it's like to be the person watching while your precious child begins and ultimately crashes in a Meth addiction!

[Ellen Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the grandmother, I loved the way he used the characters in his life to tell his story, I loved how he wove the pieces together. I really like Patrick Moore after reading this. I don't read that many memoirs, and I hated, for instance, A Million Little Pieces even before finding out the author made half of it up. This memoir feels true in every sense, and well-written to boot. I had a close relationship with a tweaker once, and I saw him in this story even though he wasn't gay. (Well, he was bisexual.) Moore conveyed the beauty of the drug and the painfully intense highs he experienced on it as well as the horrors.

[Joel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of a gay man recounting his addiction to and battle to abstain from meth mostly, some alcohol. He takes you on his journey through drugs and homosexuality. His story is cutting and at times disconnected, giving the reader a feel of being inside a tweakers head. You visit CMA and AA meetings with him, you are with him as his partner dies of AIDS, you are there while he helps lead group discussion at a recovery center. You are there with him while he teases with getting another fix after years of sobriety. It is a well written book, though not as much about strictly meth and its addiction as I would have hoped, it is a very good book.

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book because I love books about trials and tribulations....Its an obsession of mine.

This book is an important book for kids who might get stuck in the club scene or the rave scene (do they have those any more?LOL). It would definitely steer you away from drugs.

The author seemed to be forever surrounded in sadness but was able to overcome, especially when he because a councelor.

[Steven · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book on sale for like 5$ from my gay book club. It's hilarious. I have only read the first chapter and a half. But even the first 4 pages had me laughing in tears. It may be sad to have such a problem as Crystal Meth addictions, but the way the author has written it, you just either want to do it or be very afraid of it. I have just been busy with work and friends to continue reading but I plan on finishing it. I know it will be a great book.

[eliza · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really eloguent memoir of addiction set in NY and LA primarily. Written by a friend and fellow former ACT-UP NY'er Patrick Moore, the book follows his path from first love through addiction and out the other side toward recovery, set in the haunts of a New York City which no longer exists. There is a scene - his first (sober) visit to the Saint - which perfectly captures the place and the period and which made me cry in nostalgia and recognition.

Stunning.

[justablondemoment · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was not what I expected and I really struggled to finish. It's not that it was a poorly written book, actually I found it almost poetic in nature and language. The problem ls that it was more a memoir on his homosexuality and his sex life rather than the drugs. I'm rather opened minded and talk off sexual encounters don't put me off even if it's the darker side of the pleasure realm but that was all this book was about. Well written just not for me.

[Jenna ❤ ❀ ❤ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very compelling and brutally honest memoir. Whereas, "Beautiful Boy" (by David Sheff, also a great read) is about how crystal meth use affects the family and loved ones of the user, "Tweaked" author, Patrick Moore, was a meth user. This is his story; I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys memoirs.