Can I Say That?: How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real God

by Brenna Blain

Can God handle our hardest questions, biggest struggles, and secret doubts?

We instinctively assume he cannot. We figure giving voice to those things will bring shame, rejection, and distance from him. But what if our hard questions don't need to function as an off-ramp from Christianity but can lead us closer to his heart? What if he is not afraid of our doubts but instead reveals himself in them?

In Can I Say That?, Brenna Blain brings her fresh voice to those who feel unsafe or unwelcome in the church, acknowledging the incongruity between the church's actions and believers' lived experiences. As a Bible teacher and an advocate for those who have experienced abuse, molestation, and mental health crises, she creates space for readers to be radically honest and ask tough questions—Am I safe here? Why does your presence feel so lonely, God?—while pointing them to biblical, foundational truth.

Leading the way with her own raw vulnerability and authenticity, Brenna shares her journey of wrestling with God and building intimacy with him as a result. Bravely exploring these deep places with Brenna will help

Know in your guts that God accepts you as you are—even as you question, struggle, doubt, and hurtBe reassured that he is bigger than anything you face and can handle anything you bring to himExperience his love in the most tender and needy parts of your heartEngage complex questions about the institution of the church, wrestle with its abuses, and advocate for the Body of Christ to more closely reflect his heart 

God sees you and knows you—better than you know yourself. He doesn't need you to change in order for him to love you. He doesn't require you to be free of struggles in order for him to be close to you. He wants you to be your true self with him and be willing to engage with him deeply, so he can wow you with the beauty of his heart and character.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christianity, Theology, Christian Living, Christian Non Fiction, Religion

233 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 13, 2024

Reviews

[Brenna Blain · Rating 5 out of 5]

Story felt familiar, can’t put my finger on it. Big fan of the humor though.

[Rollins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve never read a more honest Christian book. Brenna doesn’t sugarcoat the good or the challenges of the Christian life & that’s what makes this book so powerful. Brenna records some of the toughest moments of her life in these pages, ones where seeing the next sunrise let alone following Jesus seem impossible. However, despite genuinely gut-wrenching moments, this book is so hopeful because it tells the real, unfiltered truth about Jesus. There are countless stories of friends intervening with Christ’s love in the exact moments when Brenna was most desperate.

This is one of the most personal books I’ve ever read, akin to A War of Loves by David Bennett. Both Brenna’s book & David’s make you feel like their friend as you read. The trust that Brenna built with her vulnerable stories left me eager to hear what she had to say about Jesus.

Overall, this book powerfully communicates the truth that Jesus wants us right as we are, no cleaning up needed in advance. But once we meet Jesus, staying unchanged is out of the question. He will change everything about our lives, sometimes dramatically & sometimes slowly. Brenna says about following Jesus that “His burden is easy, and we will have trouble.” I don’t know of any summary that is more true. Jesus walks with us every step of the way but sometimes putting one foot after another is really hard.

Would highly recommend this book as it’s certainly carved out a spot on my list of favorite books.

[Jess the Shelf-Declared Bibliophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

I very much appreciated the author’s candidness and found her thought process relatable and interesting. I can’t help but feel sad how she has denied her feelings and repressed them..I believe God wants us to be happy and I don’t see why it would be such a big deal if it was with someone of the same sex. I wish the author all the happiness in the world and hope she is at peace with her stance and determination to be who she is forcing herself to be.

[Esther · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will make it into my top 5 this year ❤And I will absolutely be buying a physical copy. If you happen to be within arm's length of me, I'll probably pass it to you too 😉

[Rebekah Epting · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grateful for Brenna’s story, vulnerability, and obedience. She shares her journey with Jesus and coming to believe he is who he says he is - and her life story involves sexual assault, depression, self harm, an eating disorder, doubt, same-sex attraction, suicide attempts, and a bipolar diagnosis. And at the end of the day she can say God has brought her close.

“No distance or anger or disbelief I could lob toward [Jesus] in my seasons of questioning and no fickleness of my heart today could dim His affection or slow His forgiveness. Even while I was still knowingly sinning, He bore that sin and then still he chose me… It is through grief that I have been reminded of the gift of knowing love and learned how to accept love when shame could more easily take its place.”

[John Ayena · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Just like falling in love through constant communication, the repetition of running to God in our biggest and smallest failings can sway our heart in a better direction. Why? Because no matter what brings us to God, it leaves us in His presence.”

Man. I love this book. Can I Say That? is such a good reminder of how God loves and wants to draw near to the real me. Not the cleaned up version of me that has the answers pretty much all figured out, but the me that is left paralyzed by sin and hurt, the me that doesn’t want to deal with the hard questions, the me that beats myself up for not actually being the cleaned-up/fake version of me.

I think what I’ve come to realize throughout this book is the overwhelming “enoughness” of God. Like, Brenna Blain asks some tough questions and shares some really difficult experiences without diminishing them - SSA, sexual trauma, mental illness and spiritual abuse, just to name some major themes. Yet somehow, every chapter I read didn’t end with despair but rather a well-communicated and convincing knowing of a God with whom these issues can be safely dealt with. A God who is big enough, trustworthy enough and loving enough to handle the deepest troubles that mark our lives.

This is going on the favourites shelf. 5 stars.

[E.M. Welcher · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is strongest as a testimony of God’s love for us. Brenna Blain is earnest. Her book is partially about how the Good News is for all people, and why doesn’t the Church share that burden to make sure His good words get out to all people? She is honest about her fragility, and I pray all the good things for her and her family. May we all see God’s wonders.

[Sara Mersek · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an encouraging and edifying read. There was zero toxic positivity. Brenna sits with and fully acknowledges suffering, which is something that is often missing from Christian authors (“Just pray more!” “Read your Bible!” “Join a small group!”). She displays a humility in her writing that is extremely welcome to me. I particularly appreciated the chapter on navigating faith when you have to walk away from a faith community.

I thought it was really interesting that Brenna has spent time in Charismatic spaces (YWAM) and Calvinist spaces, which gives her a unique insight into the modern Christian experiences. This is not a theologically deep book, which was absolutely fine with me! 4.5 stars.

[Josh · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I had already gotten a simple and yet significant gift. I was learning that I did not have to choose between being broken and hopeful. Christians can be both broken and hopeful.” (170)

Thankful for Brenna. Her story and her voice are welcome. Brenna is the kind of Christian that believes in a real gospel, one where the Messiah Jesus meant what he said when he said he came for the sick, not the healthy. Brenna’s had her fair share of grief and trauma. The opening page of the book is a trigger warning that makes it clear that she’s about to disclose some really hard stuff to us.

Brenna is the kind of Christian that believes that God saves messy people, and that he never really gets tired of them either. Not just the messy people with the stories we like, either— the ones who radically convert and never turn back. He loves people who go to Him and follow Him, but they just can’t seem to get their lives in order.

Brenna herself tried to take her own life while writing this very book. Yet she knows that she doesn’t have to choose between feeling broken over her pain and hopeful for what her story can do for the kingdom. Christians, like she says, “can be both broken and hopeful.”

This book is an invitation to people who don’t know if God welcomes their questions. Big questions, not little ones, or insulting questions, even accusations against him. Brenna doesn’t propose answers, she proposes Jesus instead. No one wants the answers of a god that they don’t trust, so look to Jesus and discover if he’s worth trusting.

This book is raw and real. A lot of it is even fresh, and I think if Brenna were to write the same story in two years time she may have shown grace in places she didn’t today. That’s ok. We need more honest Christians. Not everyone will like where she lands on a wide variety of topics, and plenty will think she’s so raw that maybe she’s inappropriate. I disagree. I love her story. She clings to Jesus. Let’s be thankful for her.

[Lillian Ridings · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is honest & vulnerable; faithful to scripture but not afraid to question “churchy” ideas or practices that don’t line up with the Bible or love people as Jesus would. I loved how Brenna shared her story alongside stories from the Bible in a way that shows how Jesus meets us in compassion & gentleness in the messiest parts of life & wrestling with faith.

[Ruth Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brenna Blain is a modern-day theologian. HANDS DOWN—best nonfiction book I’ve read this year. Offering her story as a backdrop to the greater Story of Jesus and His dramatic, wild love invading the world, I have not cried so hard in a book in my lifetime. Not an emotionally available human here 🙋🏻‍♀️ this book wrecked me and reminded me what Jesus has done in my life; let alone for the world and His Church. This wasn’t a dainty or typical female-written Christian work. It was gritty, difficult, and oh so important. I’m emailing my church staff this week that they need to read this; for the sake of my generation desperate for the Church to be transparent and human and needing the grit of the Gospel to invade the pulpit let alone the formation of the Church. Reading again this week and underlining the junk out of this book!

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I cannot claim to have hope but not share how it has been there in the darkest moments for me. I cannot claim to know peace but not explain how it has crashed into the wilderness while I was in great distress. I cannot write about the love of God and leave out the moment I pushed myself the furthest away from him I could ever be. And how, even then, his love showed up" (p. 140).

[Johnny Cummings · Rating 5 out of 5]

I binged the audio version on Spotify. Listening to the tone in which Brenna’s words were intended made it that much more meaningful. Brenna’s words, stories and heart are like medicine to my restless soul that is sick with unbelief. When grief and depression have gripped me for so long, and unwanted desires plague my body, my faith has been hanging on by a thread. This book gave me an ounce more of hope in a God who still sees me and cares about me and loves the real me and who wants me to know and love the real him.

[Katie Senthil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brenna Blaine’s story reminds me of the story of Jonah. The more she chose to run away and hide from God, the more He would reach her in unreachable places.

Immediately after starting this book, I could tell Brenna and I wouldn’t be friends. As someone who does not naturally ask questions or push back against authority, her fiery personality made me want to run away. Yet, throughout this book I was drawn into her and felt pushed to embrace my own questions.

Questions are scary because you hear of people who ask them outside of their community of believers. In my experience, it has been these people who fall away from the faith. Brenna, sometimes by choice and sometimes by force, asked vulnerable questions within the body of Christ. Throughout this book, you see her begin to understand that laying your difficult doubts and questions before the Lord is the safest place you can be.

This book is a challenge to lean in. Not only to voice your questions to others, but also to ask others hard questions. The church is not a place for people who have it all together. This book is a reminder of that truth.

[Ericka Andersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC and really loved this book. Brenna is a needed voice in today’s world. Her story and honest look at life’s hard questions are ones we must be asking. I’m certain this book will reach exactly who God intends!

[Kaitlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Logically, you are either mourning or you are dancing, but you can’t do both at the same time. You’re either believing God for the miracle or you are grieving your reality, but you aren’t embodying both. That would be impossible, right? Why not? Why can’t you do both?”

“What is left for you when that is your reality? When you never once asked to hold feelings for someone you’re not supposed to have, yet the attraction is a force like gravity? No matter what you do, you cannot change this aspect of your existence.”

Loved this.
A very real, vulnerable and honest piece, acting both as a memoir and message. The author doesn’t shy away from the hard conversations but rather sits with us and fully lets us into her suffering and hurt. I relate to her experiences of pain, suffering, grief, wrestling with faith, sexuality, questioning the goodness of God and sitting in church feeling like a fraud. I particularly appreciate the section that touched on navigating faith when walking away from a church community.

It challenged me to build my opinions not only from the voices of those that surround me (in the church or otherwise), but to strip back those voices and dive into the Bible for myself, to listen, and to allow the Spirit to speak to me directly.

“I spent nearly two decades allowing others to tell me what the Bible said about me, about women, about sin, about being gay, and I listened to voices that argued against the credibility of the Bible altogether. While I felt like I was treading the waters of questions and doubt, it was when I committed to looking into the Bible myself that it felt like the water started to drain and I had something to stand on again.”

“The Bible is not a list of rules; it is a shovel that uncovers the sinful condition of our hearts, uproots us from our sinful selves, and replants us within God’s will and safety.”

[Emma Moxham · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a refreshing open conversation on suffering and associated questions.

Can I say that? Can I ask that? Can I feel that?

These questions are at the root of many of the big questions we ask. Brenna says, “Choosing to stand, feet planted, questioning God out loud in the very circles that taught us his name, will shake the atmosphere.”

Brenna explores the conversations around these hard questions through faithful theology and her own life experiences. This is not a question and answer type book necessarily, but more of a conversation about hard questions and their necessity in churches.

The vibe very closely echoes the sentiments of Jackie Hill Perry’s book, Gay Girl Good God. Brenna, as with Jackie, has experienced some of life’s worst, and yet when all seemed hopeless, God was and is hope, safety, and security.

Personally, I found it extremely encouraging to read of Brenna’s real and raw experiences as she brought light to things that often are left in the darkness. I’m particularly encouraged by her pursuit to ministry even through hard times, particularly mental illness. We need more people like Brenna in ministry.

TW: sexual abuse, mental illness, suicide, eating disorders, spiritual abuse, miscarriage.

[Kelsie Barnhart · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first read of the new year and what a read it was. Brenna’s is a voice I’ve been longing to hear for the past six years. Her willingness to share her story of suffering made me feel all the more seen in my own. Her willingness to share how the Lord has guided her through each situation and question has made me all the more comfortable being honest about my own. This book ended up being 65% sermon and 35% memoir when I thought it was 100% memoir, but honestly it was just what I needed. A lot of Christian memoirs stop at telling what someone has learned about the Lord - Brenna actually dives into scripture and teaches from that place. I’m so thankful she faced the topics she did head on. Inspired and spurred on to run this race for His glory.

[Sarah Pascual · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a heartfelt, genuine, and transparent memoir of a young woman’s experiences with God in the midst of a lot of difficult things. I appreciated the way she was honest and non-defensive about the choices she’s made and gives specific examples of how she’s still in process. I think this book will specifically resonate powerfully with Gen Z and the way they engage God and view the world, but I don’t know that it’ll have the same impact on older generations.

[Reign Hamilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this to be unbelievably beautiful!!! I think this would be a beautiful entry book into what life with Jesus can be like. Full of hiccups and a ton of grace along the way. Brenna allows us a window into how the triune God has met her in her life.

Thank you for for your vulnerability. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you Brenna for a testimony!!!

[Jessica Carpenter · Rating 4 out of 5]

The entire time I felt like I was sitting across from Brenna. I would recommend this book for both the unbeliever AND the believer. I thought the questions would be cliche, but no. Brenna‘s vulnerability was honestly convicting enough to raise this question and several others for me: “Do I trust God enough to bring Him my mess?”

Be mindful of the following content warnings: suicidal ideations, miscarriage, anxiety, depression, self harm
Rating: 4.5. Will definitely read again!

[Kerstyn Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

i’ve never read a book with such rawness and authenticity about what a real walk with the lord looks like. i felt so seen in ways i have never been before. i would recommend this book to anyone who feels like their brokenness is too much for our god to bare.

[Sydney Repak · Rating 5 out of 5]

what I needed to hear and when I needed to hear it

[Kayti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobook. Raw and beautiful, especially for those who are struggling in their walk with God.

[Corrine Alderfer · Rating 5 out of 5]

God cares. If I was more of a natural crier I would be weeping through this whole book. Brenna and I’s stories are different but the grievances she has about church and God are very similar to my own. This book met me at a time where I needed it. I’m starving for spaces for that welcome the hard questions and talk about God from a place of deep love for Him. I need both of these at the same time and Brenna gives me hope that these spaces are possible.

[Linda Willhite · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book I needed to read right now.
Brenna did a beautiful job of putting words to the tension of the truth of the goodness of God, and the heartbreak we endure in a broken world, and that one does not negate the other. A beautiful book on a messy and hard topic.

[Raina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wept through most of this book. Still don’t have all the words for it but deeply meaningful to me in this season.

[Rachel Fluker · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mental health professional, I loved this honest take on asking God tough questions in the midst of a lot of pain and maybe even hard diagnoses.

God is with us. All the time.

[Aberdeen · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

The main thing I kept thinking while reading this book is that I wish I'd had this in middle school or high school. Though Brenna’s struggles are more “extreme” in the eyes of some than mine, I can absolutely relate to the feeling of sitting in church and wondering what you are missing, feeling like you're a fraud, aching for this Christian life to be something more than internal war, impossible standards, or insincere performing.

This is the book my generation needs: unflinching honesty about Struggles You Don’t Bring Up In Youth Group (same-sex attraction, self-harm, depression, lying, cheating, eating disorders, abuse) with unwavering belief in the beauty of Jesus and the life he calls us to.

Perhaps the best part is that Brenna is still in the midst of many of these struggles. She is honest about her recent hospitalization after overdosing, about spending time in the psych ward while a mother of two young boys, about her unresolved same-sex attraction despite her heterosexual marriage. Gosh, if there's anything I need to hear right now, it's that God can use the still-broken—that even when we are convinced of his goodness and have experienced it in the past, we can still struggle with deep-seated temptations, still be plagued by old wounds. And none of that negates either his goodness or our faith. It doesn't erase past healing. It doesn't void God's promises for our futures.

There are a lot of trigger warnings to be handed out with this book, which Brenna helpfully offers in detail at the beginning, listing particular triggers alongside the chapters they appear in. There are also a lot of things that will probably feel unsettling or even offensive. But Brenna is a bold and humble narrator.

As I think about it more, I'm not sure if this would have touched me in the same way 10 years ago. Some of her exhortations, her stories of the hope she’s found in Jesus, might have rung hollow or added to my sense of defeat and guilt. But I'm grateful to see parts of my story mirrored in hers and to hear of God moving in situations that seem impossible on the outside. Her honesty about the hard parts of her story—of which there are many—make the hopeful parts easier to accept. And at the very least, reading Brenna’s story would have deepened my longing to keep going so that her hope could be my story too, even if it took me a while longer to get there.

Deducting a half star because at times the organization felt scattered or unclear to me—but that could have been because I was listening on audible too.

Highly recommended to any Gen Zer or older Gen Alpha, in the church or out of it, and anyone who cares about them.

P.S. I’ve written more about my experience as a conflict good church girl here: https://aberdeenlivingstone.substack....

[Ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

The church needs more of this honesty and vulnerability. The most messy parts of humanity. Most of all I appreciated how she continuously pointed us back to Jesus and His Grace. God is not afraid of the hard questions.