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Eyeheart Everything
Re-release with foreword by Kevin Sampsell.
"Somewhere between the laughtrack of Mark Leyner's work and European surrealism, Hansen's stories shock, titillate, and bombard the reader with dark shards of comedy." - KEVIN SAMPSELL, author of Creamy Bullets
"Somewhere between the laughtrack of Mark Leyner's work and European surrealism, Hansen's stories shock, titillate, and bombard the reader with dark shards of comedy." - KEVIN SAMPSELL, author of Creamy Bullets
216 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2000
7 people are currently reading
412 people want to read
About the author
Mykle Hansen
14 books299 followersMykle Hansen has been "keeping it realism" on Goodreads for over ten years. He will gladly consider your friend request if (only if) you have read at least one hundred books.
Mykle Hansen's inability to have a normal reaction is key to the popularity of his surreal fiction and neo-gonzo journalism. He is the author of the acclaimed short-story collection EYEHEART EVERYTHING, several dozen 'zines, a religious self-help column in the Portland Mercury, and over fifty thousand lines of Perl. HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! is his first novel. RAMPAGING FUCKERS OF EVERYTHING ON THE CRAZY SHITTING PLANET OF THE VOMIT ATMOSPHERE is his first anthology of satirical novellas. His latest novel, "I, SLUTBOT," tells the story of the first robotic porn star, and how she became the ruler of Earth.
A jack of all trades since birth, Mykle Hansen still tries to spend most of his time writing. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife and child, in a orange castle surrounded by a moat of man-eating chickens. He writes all of his author biographies in the third person.
Mykle Hansen's inability to have a normal reaction is key to the popularity of his surreal fiction and neo-gonzo journalism. He is the author of the acclaimed short-story collection EYEHEART EVERYTHING, several dozen 'zines, a religious self-help column in the Portland Mercury, and over fifty thousand lines of Perl. HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! is his first novel. RAMPAGING FUCKERS OF EVERYTHING ON THE CRAZY SHITTING PLANET OF THE VOMIT ATMOSPHERE is his first anthology of satirical novellas. His latest novel, "I, SLUTBOT," tells the story of the first robotic porn star, and how she became the ruler of Earth.
A jack of all trades since birth, Mykle Hansen still tries to spend most of his time writing. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife and child, in a orange castle surrounded by a moat of man-eating chickens. He writes all of his author biographies in the third person.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
December 6, 2008
My books are so awesome, I would give them six stars if only this option was available. so instead, I will give them five stars and then remove a star from every other book in Goodreads, using my magic h@xx0r powers. With these stars I will create a form of perfect inexhaustible energy, and then I will quit my job and eat waffles until bedtime.
July 25, 2021
a lot of this book is funny; its humor is directed against many things that i dislike in short-form bursts that can be read even while walking down the street. but there are less satiric pieces that are just good writing, like UHF and The Fun We Tried To Have. and then there are pieces that i think you have to be mykle hansen to understand; i get the feeling there are all sorts of references that are not for me. but it's okay because the bits i do understand are well worth it.
come to my blog!
come to my blog!
May 15, 2021
Sometimes I'll rate a book that deserves 5 stars 4 stars simply because, for whatever reason, they don't quite fit with the style I prefer. I've lately thought that maybe this is daft because surely it's better to be objective about it? So going to give this one the 5 stars it deserves, despite the fact that maybe it's style isn't quite as direct as I'd normally prefer, it's very looping and wordy in places but at the same time perfectly witty and thought out. Also it's always cool to come across something this mental and with this many ideas, whilst at the same time being so real and "of the author" despite being hyper surreal. There's always something great about those writers whose presence can be felt through their books, how they give an immediate impression of who they are. I guess this is what they call having a distinctive voice. This is also why the slight lack of directness doesn't bother me, because it immediately becomes a character trait of Eyeheart Everything. Anyway, in writing this review I've also managed to become less direct, partly due to avoid any spoilers... though I don't think it's possible to spoil this book, you simply have to read it for yourself and let yourself fly off into its whirlwind.
December 11, 2010
Mr. eggers you have egg on your face, how could you not have published the famous mykle hansen. Now he will get famous without you and you will be left behind whimpering in the corner because you simply have no sense of taste (I say this fully aware that I own several of the nonrequired reading books and love them dearly).
This book is like taking your really smart friend to the bar and then getting them super drunk and letting them talk about whatever they want.
It is like my best friend's imitation of a christmas tree (whose super awesomeness you sadly may never see).
I am glad that I know Mr hansen. His books make me smile.
*********
OMG this is in the store I'm so excited I can have my own copy
This book is like taking your really smart friend to the bar and then getting them super drunk and letting them talk about whatever they want.
It is like my best friend's imitation of a christmas tree (whose super awesomeness you sadly may never see).
I am glad that I know Mr hansen. His books make me smile.
*********
OMG this is in the store I'm so excited I can have my own copy
May 28, 2021
Hell yeah.
Great to read a book that's actually funny as I've been reading mostly grim things of late, that's not to say that Eyeheart Everything is light entertainment; it's still very caustic and poignant but also manages throw in lots of witty but off key phrasing that just confuddles me in the best way.
Great to read a book that's actually funny as I've been reading mostly grim things of late, that's not to say that Eyeheart Everything is light entertainment; it's still very caustic and poignant but also manages throw in lots of witty but off key phrasing that just confuddles me in the best way.
January 10, 2021
"Raw emotion — screams of the unconscious — the screwdriver of desire jammed in the toaster of human misery!"
This was one helluva powerful collection of stories. It was somehow both harrowing and hysterical, and the harmonic dichotomy of this author's prose is unmatched. The unapologetic surreality and sheer, overwhelming strangeness of his writing blows my tiny, fragile mind into even tinier, more fragile pieces every single time I read something by him. (That's my favorite state of mental existence, by the way.) Even though the stories were more flashes and brief glimpses than actual stories per se, there were layers and a level of depth to it all that was even more resonating for its brevity.
The only question I think I really have is this: "If there are ten apples in a basket and I hit you in the face with a dwarf, how many baskets are left?"
If only I was better at math.
This was one helluva powerful collection of stories. It was somehow both harrowing and hysterical, and the harmonic dichotomy of this author's prose is unmatched. The unapologetic surreality and sheer, overwhelming strangeness of his writing blows my tiny, fragile mind into even tinier, more fragile pieces every single time I read something by him. (That's my favorite state of mental existence, by the way.) Even though the stories were more flashes and brief glimpses than actual stories per se, there were layers and a level of depth to it all that was even more resonating for its brevity.
The only question I think I really have is this: "If there are ten apples in a basket and I hit you in the face with a dwarf, how many baskets are left?"
If only I was better at math.
May 1, 2008
Mykle Hansen knows nothing about my raging crush on his prose. But it's seriously huge. So big that I've only humbled myself to write about it in hopes that other people will develop equally huge crushes on his prose and he will eventually rule the world. This book is tragicomedy at its most brilliant and risky. The stories switch styles, tenses and form with flouncy success. Eyeheart Everything is a discombobulating short-short fiction tangle of lightness and heaviness and the hypothetical and the delightful and the fanciful and the impossible and the all too possible. It makes me laugh and keeps me up nights and my copy is hand-sewn and hand-colored-with-crayons.
May 1, 2008
There could be this fight, and it could take place on the top of Mt. Everest, and Mykle Hansen would wear an orange cape and BEAT THE CRAP out of David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell with his superior funny. Then UFOs would cry and explode candy and TV shows would all be canceled.
Then he would hug them because they are actually quite witty as well, and the universe would congratulate itself on good taste.
Then he would hug them because they are actually quite witty as well, and the universe would congratulate itself on good taste.
Read
December 16, 2008I thought this book was mostly funny, but one story seemed to be a real story about driving half-drunk to the beach. When I next saw Mykle, I had to tell him that that type of behavior was not acceptable. But then it turned out that story was fiction, and I just don't understand funny anyway.
I should probably re-read it. In the years since I have last read it, I might have forgotten not to LICK EXPOSED WIRES.
I should probably re-read it. In the years since I have last read it, I might have forgotten not to LICK EXPOSED WIRES.
January 25, 2009
This is a book of short-lived insanities - surreal stories that often fall somewhere between prose and poetry. Many of them are absolutely incredible. Others are just odd. Some speak deeply, some feign disinterest. It's a mixed bag, but the highs are so high and the lows so strange that it's worth picking up again and again.
April 7, 2022
One of those books that's actual art.
December 16, 2007
i love this book. i can't wait till mykle's new novel comes out, Help I'm Being Eaten By Bears! The podcast of him reading it is way fun.
to-be-consideread
December 19, 2010What can I say? I have to read this now, the author gave me the most mindblowingly AWESOME bad advice that his book would have to be an improvement.
July 28, 2011
There's three different types of short stories in this collection: random/surreal stories, stream of consciousness stories, and fake advertisements.
I have to say, I'm really not much of a fan of stream of consciousness. I find them to just be ranting, and nothing really interesting comes out of them. I don't know why.
The random stories cracked me up, and I honestly want to send a few to various friends. The story of the shark and bag of oranges was fantastic, as was the first story, about the woman with her planner. Brilliant.
I was also amused by the story of the telephone wire having to go through children, as it was the most cost-effective way to do it. I kept thinking Fight Club, and the mathematics used in that movie :)
Anyways, it was an entertaining read.
I have to say, I'm really not much of a fan of stream of consciousness. I find them to just be ranting, and nothing really interesting comes out of them. I don't know why.
The random stories cracked me up, and I honestly want to send a few to various friends. The story of the shark and bag of oranges was fantastic, as was the first story, about the woman with her planner. Brilliant.
I was also amused by the story of the telephone wire having to go through children, as it was the most cost-effective way to do it. I kept thinking Fight Club, and the mathematics used in that movie :)
Anyways, it was an entertaining read.
January 29, 2008
The stories in this book by Mykle Hansen are extremely funny. Even funnier is seeing him read them aloud. There are a few stories in here that are absolutely phenomenal, but they're all very good and, as I said, very FUNNY!
February 18, 2009
funny and odd book
July 31, 2022
A lot of fun bits in here. Some misses, to be sure, but on the whole pretty entertaining. The epilogue for the second edition redeems whatever missteps were made in the original.
October 9, 2007
mykle is a genius. he cracks me the hell up.
June 1, 2024
An outré collection of hyperactive narratives with obsessed protagonist, told in a unique voice that outshines the stories themselves.
There is so much about Eyeheart Everything that makes you wonder. Makes me wonder, I should say – I have no idea what you are thinking who are reading this. Has the author heard of the extreme band Eyehategod? Maybe. Is the title of this collection a rebellious outburst of positivity intended to be contrary to said band's life philosophies? Difficult to tell. Should one expect madness from a person who has two surnames and no given name? Definitely. Is the author named after Agnar Mykle, the only other public person with that surname, and a Norwegian author whose greatest claim to fame is to have his books banned for pornographic imagery? I can't see that anything else makes sense. If the second surname is also taken from a famous Norwegian figure, who could it be? I would suggest Gerhard Henrik Armauer Hansen, who discovered the bacteria behind Hansen's disease, or leprosy as it's more commonly known, not because I think the author is a leper in any way, it's just that if a name is good enough for a disease then it's probably good enough for any of us. On that sentiment, did this book improve my outlook on life and humanity? Not really, but I do feel less alone in my madness.
What more...? Oh, yes! Is it true as the book states that you've won a pony like the copyright page says? I hope not, I'm tired of those needy bastards. Did The Gnomes Of Zürich have anything to do with this book? The book says so – sounds unlikely, but I'd rather stable up one of them than a pony. That makes me wonder, do Zürichian gnomes eat hay? I probably have to consult a different book to get the answer to that. And the demonym of Zürich isn't Zürichian, is it? No, apparently it's 'a Zürcher'/'the Zürcherin' according to Wikipedia. Who knew? Well, I didn't. What else? Hm, well, in the afterword the author claims that this is a collection of works that he had already published in his own Eyeheart zine from years past. Does this in any way reflect reality? Well, I find no images showing that any issues of such a zine ever existed, and in a review the author states that “My first book, Eyeheart Everything, was printed, bound and published in the middle of the night at Kinko's. [...] I came out of the 'zine world, and I thought of my book as just a really thick 'zine,” ('Author Interview w/ Mykle Hansen' in The Next Best Book Blog) which sounds – well, it sounds inconclusive, but the phrasing gives me doubts somehow. And what does this book contain, really?
It's contents are... eclectic, I would say – which is another way of saying that more than one description, quite a few more than that, is needed to do them justice; which means that it's honestly better to just hand out examples and staple descriptives to them. So, is that what I'm going to do, take the easy way out? I... Hmm. Surely I can do better than that!
So... Let's put on some background music. Something eclectic. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard is clearly that, but nowhere near as morbid, dark and bizarre as Eyeheart Everything. No, I know what I need! Black Mass Of Absu is Eyehategod's cosmic horror offspring, an art project which feels like cannibalism, a sermon, a circus, some spoonfuls of jumbled madness, something that sounds like mooing, and far to many capitalized blarghs. That sounds about right. Also, surely only a compilation can do a compilation justice so I put on Complete Discography 1995-2000 – which, incidentally, is a timespan that coincides somewhat with when these works were written and published.
Many of the works in this collection contains varying degrees of rambling. Often they feel almost like a stream of consciousness (and sometimes they actually are) which I'd like to compare to slam poetry. The writing of these is hyperactive. Their first person narration is either extremely eager, extremely annoyed, extremely amazed, extremely confused, extremely provoked, extremely... it's extreme, period. Unavoidably, the narrator can become a bit single minded as well. And sometimes quite nonsensical, or just absurd.
But this doesn't really give a sufficient impression of this peculiar style, so I guess I'll resort to examples after all. I'll admit defeat if I have to! Here are a few first lines from some of the stories that do a good job of showing off exactly what I mean.
I will never again allow myself to be coated with oil, suspended by my ankles and slapped with sides of beef so that you can impress your thesis advisor with your outsider credentials. I have had enough. (p. 8; 'Return My Sweater Or Face Civil Action!')
I would like two eggs. I would like the eggs to be identical in every way, genetically that is, I mean to say that I would like two eggs laid by the same hen, simultaneously if that is possible or else one right after the other. They ought also to be weighed and measured for any deformity, and a suitable stress-test should be devised in order to screen out weakness that might later affect the meal. Several two-egg candidate pairs should be assembled just in case something bad happens. (p. 54; 'Two Eggs')
Now I'm doing jumping jacks! Because my writing needs more energy! ENERGY! It must SEAR! It must TINGLE! Raw emotion – screams of the unconscious – the screwdriver of desire jammed in the toaster of human misery! Aaaah! (p. 120; 'Need More Energy!')
Is it just me or does the last one feels like a description of the writing process involved in at least a few of these works?
There are less outré stories too, but even these have a tendency to ramble a bit, some slight monomania that seems to be unwilling to be contained. I feel another question coming on. Is this unique aforementioned style not just something the author has experimented with, but simply the style which comes most naturally to them?
Yet, for all it's unique properties, this collection has one shortcoming: The stylistic choice makes the collection interesting, but in too many cases the stories do not have much else going for them. There are some real gems in there such as 'UHF', 'Two Eggs', 'Return My Sweater Or Face Civil Action!', 'I Called Your Dream', and 'The Restaurant With Dead People Hanging From The Ceiling' – but there is forty stories in here and most of them struggle with getting me invested in them. As I see it, this is a book that needs to be read almost as one regards outsider art, where the study of it's unique style is more important than the stories in themselves.
There is so much about Eyeheart Everything that makes you wonder. Makes me wonder, I should say – I have no idea what you are thinking who are reading this. Has the author heard of the extreme band Eyehategod? Maybe. Is the title of this collection a rebellious outburst of positivity intended to be contrary to said band's life philosophies? Difficult to tell. Should one expect madness from a person who has two surnames and no given name? Definitely. Is the author named after Agnar Mykle, the only other public person with that surname, and a Norwegian author whose greatest claim to fame is to have his books banned for pornographic imagery? I can't see that anything else makes sense. If the second surname is also taken from a famous Norwegian figure, who could it be? I would suggest Gerhard Henrik Armauer Hansen, who discovered the bacteria behind Hansen's disease, or leprosy as it's more commonly known, not because I think the author is a leper in any way, it's just that if a name is good enough for a disease then it's probably good enough for any of us. On that sentiment, did this book improve my outlook on life and humanity? Not really, but I do feel less alone in my madness.
What more...? Oh, yes! Is it true as the book states that you've won a pony like the copyright page says? I hope not, I'm tired of those needy bastards. Did The Gnomes Of Zürich have anything to do with this book? The book says so – sounds unlikely, but I'd rather stable up one of them than a pony. That makes me wonder, do Zürichian gnomes eat hay? I probably have to consult a different book to get the answer to that. And the demonym of Zürich isn't Zürichian, is it? No, apparently it's 'a Zürcher'/'the Zürcherin' according to Wikipedia. Who knew? Well, I didn't. What else? Hm, well, in the afterword the author claims that this is a collection of works that he had already published in his own Eyeheart zine from years past. Does this in any way reflect reality? Well, I find no images showing that any issues of such a zine ever existed, and in a review the author states that “My first book, Eyeheart Everything, was printed, bound and published in the middle of the night at Kinko's. [...] I came out of the 'zine world, and I thought of my book as just a really thick 'zine,” ('Author Interview w/ Mykle Hansen' in The Next Best Book Blog) which sounds – well, it sounds inconclusive, but the phrasing gives me doubts somehow. And what does this book contain, really?
It's contents are... eclectic, I would say – which is another way of saying that more than one description, quite a few more than that, is needed to do them justice; which means that it's honestly better to just hand out examples and staple descriptives to them. So, is that what I'm going to do, take the easy way out? I... Hmm. Surely I can do better than that!
So... Let's put on some background music. Something eclectic. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard is clearly that, but nowhere near as morbid, dark and bizarre as Eyeheart Everything. No, I know what I need! Black Mass Of Absu is Eyehategod's cosmic horror offspring, an art project which feels like cannibalism, a sermon, a circus, some spoonfuls of jumbled madness, something that sounds like mooing, and far to many capitalized blarghs. That sounds about right. Also, surely only a compilation can do a compilation justice so I put on Complete Discography 1995-2000 – which, incidentally, is a timespan that coincides somewhat with when these works were written and published.
Many of the works in this collection contains varying degrees of rambling. Often they feel almost like a stream of consciousness (and sometimes they actually are) which I'd like to compare to slam poetry. The writing of these is hyperactive. Their first person narration is either extremely eager, extremely annoyed, extremely amazed, extremely confused, extremely provoked, extremely... it's extreme, period. Unavoidably, the narrator can become a bit single minded as well. And sometimes quite nonsensical, or just absurd.
But this doesn't really give a sufficient impression of this peculiar style, so I guess I'll resort to examples after all. I'll admit defeat if I have to! Here are a few first lines from some of the stories that do a good job of showing off exactly what I mean.
I will never again allow myself to be coated with oil, suspended by my ankles and slapped with sides of beef so that you can impress your thesis advisor with your outsider credentials. I have had enough. (p. 8; 'Return My Sweater Or Face Civil Action!')
I would like two eggs. I would like the eggs to be identical in every way, genetically that is, I mean to say that I would like two eggs laid by the same hen, simultaneously if that is possible or else one right after the other. They ought also to be weighed and measured for any deformity, and a suitable stress-test should be devised in order to screen out weakness that might later affect the meal. Several two-egg candidate pairs should be assembled just in case something bad happens. (p. 54; 'Two Eggs')
Now I'm doing jumping jacks! Because my writing needs more energy! ENERGY! It must SEAR! It must TINGLE! Raw emotion – screams of the unconscious – the screwdriver of desire jammed in the toaster of human misery! Aaaah! (p. 120; 'Need More Energy!')
Is it just me or does the last one feels like a description of the writing process involved in at least a few of these works?
There are less outré stories too, but even these have a tendency to ramble a bit, some slight monomania that seems to be unwilling to be contained. I feel another question coming on. Is this unique aforementioned style not just something the author has experimented with, but simply the style which comes most naturally to them?
Yet, for all it's unique properties, this collection has one shortcoming: The stylistic choice makes the collection interesting, but in too many cases the stories do not have much else going for them. There are some real gems in there such as 'UHF', 'Two Eggs', 'Return My Sweater Or Face Civil Action!', 'I Called Your Dream', and 'The Restaurant With Dead People Hanging From The Ceiling' – but there is forty stories in here and most of them struggle with getting me invested in them. As I see it, this is a book that needs to be read almost as one regards outsider art, where the study of it's unique style is more important than the stories in themselves.
May 14, 2017
Pardon the cliche but this book was a real breath of fresh air in many different ways - the idiosyncratic writing, quirky illustrations, the use of two spaces after a full stop (typewriter or preference?)...
It is a collection of texts - stories, letters, adverts and what I would even call poems (Slowly, Languorously). It is not for everybody, yet there is something in there for everyone. I ended up bookmarking so many of the entries because I want to share them with friends.
In a nutshell, what makes Eyeheart Everything so good is that it feels and reads honest and personal. From the weirdest of entries like "Letters to the Manufacturers of Alley Katz Katz Food" to the afterword to the new edition.
I'd love to include favourite quotes but to do so I'd have to include full entries. Here is a link to one which is available on google books: https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=5...
I found Eyeheart Everything through a Goodreads book review its author left on You Are Not A Gadget. I liked how he wrote so I explored further...
It is a collection of texts - stories, letters, adverts and what I would even call poems (Slowly, Languorously). It is not for everybody, yet there is something in there for everyone. I ended up bookmarking so many of the entries because I want to share them with friends.
In a nutshell, what makes Eyeheart Everything so good is that it feels and reads honest and personal. From the weirdest of entries like "Letters to the Manufacturers of Alley Katz Katz Food" to the afterword to the new edition.
I'd love to include favourite quotes but to do so I'd have to include full entries. Here is a link to one which is available on google books: https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=5...
I found Eyeheart Everything through a Goodreads book review its author left on You Are Not A Gadget. I liked how he wrote so I explored further...
February 6, 2022
This book has sat on my book shelf for quite some time. Hansen’s “Help A Bear is Eating Me” is one of my favorite books, so this collection of short laughable romps was a must read for me.
A comparison to Mark Leyner’s work “Eyeheart Everything” is a humorist satire with an index of short takes on alcohol, shitty jobs, near death experiences, food and so much other daily life encounters. The cover of the book stares at you without batting an eyelash, but you can almost spot a wink, knowing that you’ll laugh at the next page that follows.
Favorites:
Return My Sweater or Face Civil Action!
Slowly, Languorously
Two Eggs
The New 1999 Jeep Interloper!
Magic Trick With Dog And Stick
A comparison to Mark Leyner’s work “Eyeheart Everything” is a humorist satire with an index of short takes on alcohol, shitty jobs, near death experiences, food and so much other daily life encounters. The cover of the book stares at you without batting an eyelash, but you can almost spot a wink, knowing that you’ll laugh at the next page that follows.
Favorites:
Return My Sweater or Face Civil Action!
Slowly, Languorously
Two Eggs
The New 1999 Jeep Interloper!
Magic Trick With Dog And Stick
October 29, 2023
As homorous as this was, I honestly could not love it because most of it was simple rambling and I have inner voices going on in my head already to be able to listen to someone else's thoughts as well lol.
I did enjoy some aspects of it but then I got so terribly tired that I had to take a break from reading this and any book that warrants a break is not something I can grow to love.
3 stars.
I did enjoy some aspects of it but then I got so terribly tired that I had to take a break from reading this and any book that warrants a break is not something I can grow to love.
3 stars.
August 30, 2022
It is a mix of very witty and nuanced stories to outright coarse fun ones. Actually good, will look more of this author he has a good sense of humour.
January 16, 2012
like most compilations, it's hard to keep the quality up throughout the book.
but there are two great stories and a fair number of entertaining ones.... which brings up the overwhelming one star stories in the book.
but there are two great stories and a fair number of entertaining ones.... which brings up the overwhelming one star stories in the book.
December 17, 2012
I was disappointed with this collection of short stories. I really enjoyed Help! A Bear is Eating Me, but I did not enjoy this book. With the exception of a few stories, it all just seemed to like rambling.
August 10, 2016
one trick per story.
November 12, 2014
Some great stuff. Some shit stuff. All of it mental.
May 11, 2016
gud one
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews