indigo: the color of grief

by Jonathan Foster

indigo is the
joy and lament of a
human being
theologian
father

fashioning new ideas about the divine
within the painful loss of his daughter
within the constraints of his own intelligence
within the constraints of what religion
had been telling him his whole life
some of which was good and
some of which wasn’t
good

it’s a way forward
where forward means the
interaction of
past choices
past events
and personal agency
in this moment
and this moment
and … yes, this moment

it’s the hope
on the underside of grief
like the pilot fish
with the shark
around the whale
within a section of ocean
an ecosystem of
depth and light
and slow-motion shadows
oceanographic poetry
that breaks the surface from
time to time
that breaks one’s heart from
time to time

indigo is
the color of grief
for its gradation of
sapphires and violets
descending into violence
or ascending into lightness
the beauty of which is found
in both extremes
entanglement
the divine infused within the whole
the hole infused within the divine

read it for cursing
for weeping
for laughing
read it for mourning

read it
for the
world
is on fire

Genres: Poetry

131 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 5, 2023

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Reviews

[Chris Hanson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jonathan Foster’s beautiful yet profound poetry traces his journey into profound grief as he faces the absence of something that left a “no-thing” and finds a “some-thing” in the absence. He wrestles with deep questions grief raises and finds possibilities that “sound about right” to him.

“indigo: the color of grief” is the voice of a friend to those wading through grief. It is also a graceful reminder of the joys and risks of love for all of us.

[Cristian Ortiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly powerful examination of grief through the lens of what I can only imagine as a most devastating loss. It's the kind of poetry that emanates pure emotion and presents avenues for empathy and space for questions—doing exactly what the best of writing does.

[Jake O’Bannon]

Sheesh 💔

[Linda Hanson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful and poignant view of part of the grief process. Lovely and heartbreaking imagery spoken both sparingly and lovingly. Highly recommend.

[Ben Prins · Rating 5 out of 5]

really creative depth in this book

We are walking alongside several parents who have recently recently and unexpectedly lost their adult child. This book was such a powerful and poignant. Reminder that simple, silent friendship is the only thing we can offer.
Thank you, Jonathan!

[Rev. Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have done a lot of professional reading on grief. This one is a good resource for personal reflection. It's raw and real, and spells out the awkward reality of grief. In other words, it's me. Maybe you, too.

[Anthea Wratten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, heart wrenching, challenging and hope infused. One of the best books I have read about grief.

[Zach Baumann · Rating 5 out of 5]

100/100. Sent this to 10 friends within a week of finishing it. Highly highly recommend for anyone who has experienced loss (or really anyone).

[Jimmy Shaffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I rarely write reviews of books I have read. I felt compelled with this stunningly beautiful, heartbreakingly painful, exquisite little (huge) book. I love, love, love, love, this poetic walk through grief and love and life. I will carry this quote with me forever, “friend is the name we give to people who are with us in hell” It is narrative, it is poetry. As one reviewer asked, “What is this terrible beauty?”

[Cary Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Indigo is a collection of words that somehow conveys the very sentiments that seem impossible to put into words…of the beauty that is found amidst grief. It’s intimate, vulnerable, comforting. It will break your heart wide open to wrestle with non-coercive love.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful and raw. Gut-wrenching and pure. I loved it.

[Robert Otte]

A Grief Observed, Poetically
In January of 2025, the Jonathan Foster family lost their twenty-year-old daughter, the result of a car accident. In indigo: the color of grief, Foster--a father, former pastor, theologian, podcaster—decided to write about his grief through poetry. In the preface, he explains his reason for choosing a poetic form. He writes:
“maybe I liked to idea of
lower case theology
something that doesn’t SHOUT”
Someone once said that poetry is prose without adverbs, meaning that if all verbs are carefully chosen the writer does not need adverbs to explain them. Foster does not need many adverbs because he so carefully and creatively uses the English language.
Sometimes his poetry is musically staccato. For example,
followed
older son
upstairs
night after his sister died
at the top step he
turned
put his hand up
stopping me
stopping the reality…
this hurts too much
At other times, his poetry is lyrical and narrative.
The author has artfully structured his poetry. He often carefully chooses parallel terms, such as God’s Word coming to us through “conviction/whispers/hints/text/courage, intuitions/ admonition/commitment/ songs….” On occasion, the last concept of a poetry will become the main concept of the next one.
Indigo is, of course, a reddish blue color, but it is also the color associated with devotion, justice, creativity, dignity and wisdom. Indigo as the color of grief is particularly appropriate. If blue signifies sadness, the red color adds some anger to the emotion. The why question comes up so easily, especially when a young person dies. Why did my fifty-year-old son-in-law have to die after a six-year journey with cancer, leaving a young wife and four children? Leaving a void in our extended family. Foster confronts the why question head on and concludes his poetic exploration, subtly echoing St. Paul, with the following:
“Why do bad things happen?
Why do good things happen?
But the greatest of these things is
Why do good things happen?”
Indigo; the color of grief artfully and heartfeltly explores the depth, width and height of losing someone, and he does so with minimum words.
Robert L Otte, Librarian
LaGrave Avenue Church

[Darrell Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jonathan Foster has somehow summoned the strength to not only share his very real experience and relationship with grief but to also create a space for the rest of us. The writing of Indigo welcomes any honest examination of pain, suffering, and loss we might be willing to risk. Foster carefully invites us to recognize cosmologies that do not integrate sorrow and despair as repressive delusions. He doesn’t use his experience to manipulate or push or even presume. Instead, he sits still, locking eyes with heartbreak, allowing us to listen in on their dialogue. I plan on giving this book to others, and I know I will return to it in solitude and solidarity.

[Tim Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book about a year ago, and yet it still comes into my thoughts. As I read, it held my interest and moved me from beginning to end. The language is beautiful. In many places it's like reading poetry. Generally poetry holds my interest for only a few stanzas, but this book goes places, explores minds and emotions, develops a story with deep reflections as your read, so it both held my narrative interest and pleased the part of me that likes poetic language. Thanks Jonathan Foster for letting me see into your heart and mind!

[Steve Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sorrow for the author's sufferings. But I am grateful for the existence of this book, that something so wise and beautiful can come out of such tragedy. This itself gives me hope.

grieving
is the longing
for home

So says Foster. And so the reading of this book allows for a kind of homecoming into our own lives.

[Chris Gilmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read it in one sitting. I'll read it again, slower next time. It is real and raw and poetic. The formatting is unique and perfect. It doesn't offer answers, but an invitation to be free from the answers that are unhelpful and harmful - and there find permission/hope/freedom/love in the pain. I'd recommend it to all who carry grief and all who care for those who carry grief.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m glad I read this book. In verse, the author tells the story of his life and faith in the midst of his daughter’s death in a car accident. I’m impressed and moved by the spareness and sparseness of the language, of the story, of the pain, of the love. It is a powerful story, well told. I keep listening.

[Laura Amundson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was moved to tears by Jonathan’s masterful storytelling. It felt like stepping into a blinding pelting rain, as grief surrounded me. And yet, in the midst of the storm came a gentle blanket of grace, the possibility of hope rising.