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Our Long Marvelous Dying
Palliative-care physician and award-winning author Anna DeForest returns with an ode to life and to death, and the ways we care for ourselves and others on our long, marvelous walk toward the end.
In a pandemic-hushed city, a young doctor lives a life of insecure attachments: to a distant partner in an untended marriage, to a loaner child who stirs up hurts from the past, to houseplants wilting in a dark apartment on a once-vibrant street.
Through a yearlong fellowship caring for the dying and their families, death is impossible to ignore, and still more endings loom at every turn—endings made worse by wounded, avoidant doctors who don’t know how to let go. But after the sudden loss of a long-estranged father, our unnamed narrator’s work is thrown into painful relief, and we see, under threats large and small, how far we will go to hold on to our lives—no matter how little we live them.
Lyrical and with piercing insight, Our Long Marvelous Dying is a meditation on the twin drives of life and death—and how all of us reckon, day by day, with their ecstatic, inevitable collide.
In a pandemic-hushed city, a young doctor lives a life of insecure attachments: to a distant partner in an untended marriage, to a loaner child who stirs up hurts from the past, to houseplants wilting in a dark apartment on a once-vibrant street.
Through a yearlong fellowship caring for the dying and their families, death is impossible to ignore, and still more endings loom at every turn—endings made worse by wounded, avoidant doctors who don’t know how to let go. But after the sudden loss of a long-estranged father, our unnamed narrator’s work is thrown into painful relief, and we see, under threats large and small, how far we will go to hold on to our lives—no matter how little we live them.
Lyrical and with piercing insight, Our Long Marvelous Dying is a meditation on the twin drives of life and death—and how all of us reckon, day by day, with their ecstatic, inevitable collide.
219 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 9, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
April 2, 2025
What an intriguing book! Our Long Marvelous Dying by Anna Deforest is a compelling novel about dying, death, and what it means to be alive. It’s a heart-wrenching read, but it is a rewarding one as well.
The unnamed narrator in this novel shares her experience as a palliative care physician who works with patients who are near death. She also deals with grief from losing her father, a marriage that is becoming untenable, and raising her brother’s young daughter.
The novel is written in beautiful, lyrical prose. It effortlessly flows, and it almost seems that every line is packed with some deep insight. I often found myself stopping to ponder a particular thought or emotion that the author invoked. The prose is infused with meaning, sometimes elusive but revealing itself with careful reading. In this sense, the novel is a treasure trove of wisdom.
My thoughts below are my own interpretations of the novel, and there are surely many wonderful aspects of this novel that I have left out. I may even be wrong in what I have taken away, but at least these are the authentic impressions that the novel left upon me.
The character of the narrator is masterfully developed and fully realized. She is a complex character. The narrator’s reflections are somber, and her anhedonia sets a sorrowful tone. This is the mood in which she meditates on what it means to live and what it means to die, as well as that space in between—dying. She, like all of us, is ‘marvelously dying’. She searches for answers, and it is my impression that she will hopefully someday find hope and joy in living as well.
Her search is often among doctors who are cold and indifferent, using rationalism to make sense of what they do. They are often apathetic towards their patients. It’s in this environment that she interacts with her patients as she tries to find meaning and hope. Rather than the doctors, the narrator often turns to religious professionals to find her answers. As to how we value life, she participates in a recurring weekend Buddhist retreat. She speaks with a Jewish chaplain to find the value of a person surrounding death as well. She even watches how her husband, a former seminary student, values others, and they him, as opposed to how she does.
One topic that comes up during some of these reflections is euthanasia, and we ponder with her the value of the lives of the dying (which, of course, is no less valuable than anyone else's life). There are also many reflections upon the condition of her dying patients and their quality of life. The dynamics of family are explored in decisions relating to end-of-life care.
The narrator doesn’t seem to value her own life that much. She is often doubtful of herself, and she seems to have low self-esteem. To me, her world seems void, empty. One way she tries to cope with this, it seems, is to practice mindfulness—to be present fully in the current moment. But instead of finding the present moment filled with life, she seems to find the world empty and apathetic. She even seems to not be living her own life, as if she is detached from herself and watching what she sees and does.
So, what struck me about this novel is the value of our dying lives. That’s what I took away from the novel. There is also much more. The novel goes in-depth about the narrator’s relationships, especially the one with her cruel and negligent father that has recently passed away and the one with her husband, with whom she is growing apart. There’s so much here, and more than I can go into here.
There are many stories about her patients, and she portrays them in the most humane way possible. The scenes where she is with a fellow nurse also feels authentic, and it elucidates how she truly does value the lives of her patients.
One criticism I might have is sometimes the novel, at least to me, is not clear or coherent in its storytelling. Sometimes I found myself wondering why the narrator is going from one topic then quickly to another. Sometimes paragraphs begin and end with different concepts. The logical flow of ideas sometimes eluded me. I feel the novel would benefit from not being so opaque about the meaning and themes it is trying to express at times.
Overall, this is a novel that gives and gives with each reading. For me, it’s about not only experiencing the narrator’s journey but also about what we personally take away from this novel, which will be unique to each of us.
2.5 Stars Rounded Up: These books are decent reads with many strengths, often featuring engaging moments or well-written sections that showcase the author's potential. While they suffer from noticeable flaws in areas like pacing, plot coherence, or character depth, the positive aspects begin to balance out the negatives, making the books acceptable and occasionally enjoyable reads. The presence of memorable characters or thought-provoking themes would elevate these books, hinting at the possibility of higher achievement with more polished execution.
The unnamed narrator in this novel shares her experience as a palliative care physician who works with patients who are near death. She also deals with grief from losing her father, a marriage that is becoming untenable, and raising her brother’s young daughter.
The novel is written in beautiful, lyrical prose. It effortlessly flows, and it almost seems that every line is packed with some deep insight. I often found myself stopping to ponder a particular thought or emotion that the author invoked. The prose is infused with meaning, sometimes elusive but revealing itself with careful reading. In this sense, the novel is a treasure trove of wisdom.
My thoughts below are my own interpretations of the novel, and there are surely many wonderful aspects of this novel that I have left out. I may even be wrong in what I have taken away, but at least these are the authentic impressions that the novel left upon me.
The character of the narrator is masterfully developed and fully realized. She is a complex character. The narrator’s reflections are somber, and her anhedonia sets a sorrowful tone. This is the mood in which she meditates on what it means to live and what it means to die, as well as that space in between—dying. She, like all of us, is ‘marvelously dying’. She searches for answers, and it is my impression that she will hopefully someday find hope and joy in living as well.
Her search is often among doctors who are cold and indifferent, using rationalism to make sense of what they do. They are often apathetic towards their patients. It’s in this environment that she interacts with her patients as she tries to find meaning and hope. Rather than the doctors, the narrator often turns to religious professionals to find her answers. As to how we value life, she participates in a recurring weekend Buddhist retreat. She speaks with a Jewish chaplain to find the value of a person surrounding death as well. She even watches how her husband, a former seminary student, values others, and they him, as opposed to how she does.
One topic that comes up during some of these reflections is euthanasia, and we ponder with her the value of the lives of the dying (which, of course, is no less valuable than anyone else's life). There are also many reflections upon the condition of her dying patients and their quality of life. The dynamics of family are explored in decisions relating to end-of-life care.
The narrator doesn’t seem to value her own life that much. She is often doubtful of herself, and she seems to have low self-esteem. To me, her world seems void, empty. One way she tries to cope with this, it seems, is to practice mindfulness—to be present fully in the current moment. But instead of finding the present moment filled with life, she seems to find the world empty and apathetic. She even seems to not be living her own life, as if she is detached from herself and watching what she sees and does.
So, what struck me about this novel is the value of our dying lives. That’s what I took away from the novel. There is also much more. The novel goes in-depth about the narrator’s relationships, especially the one with her cruel and negligent father that has recently passed away and the one with her husband, with whom she is growing apart. There’s so much here, and more than I can go into here.
There are many stories about her patients, and she portrays them in the most humane way possible. The scenes where she is with a fellow nurse also feels authentic, and it elucidates how she truly does value the lives of her patients.
One criticism I might have is sometimes the novel, at least to me, is not clear or coherent in its storytelling. Sometimes I found myself wondering why the narrator is going from one topic then quickly to another. Sometimes paragraphs begin and end with different concepts. The logical flow of ideas sometimes eluded me. I feel the novel would benefit from not being so opaque about the meaning and themes it is trying to express at times.
Overall, this is a novel that gives and gives with each reading. For me, it’s about not only experiencing the narrator’s journey but also about what we personally take away from this novel, which will be unique to each of us.
2.5 Stars Rounded Up: These books are decent reads with many strengths, often featuring engaging moments or well-written sections that showcase the author's potential. While they suffer from noticeable flaws in areas like pacing, plot coherence, or character depth, the positive aspects begin to balance out the negatives, making the books acceptable and occasionally enjoyable reads. The presence of memorable characters or thought-provoking themes would elevate these books, hinting at the possibility of higher achievement with more polished execution.
August 28, 2024
Anna DeForest is so incredible at analyzing and reckoning with complex grief in their writing. In this book, we follow a young doctor finishing a fellowship in palliative care while dealing with loss in her own life. Over the course of the book, the narrator deeply and tenderly reflects on the vastness that exists in grief, and what right we have to feel grief over those who were not ours. This book is a beautiful reflection on mortality and the ubiquity of death — and how that shapes the lives we make.
November 21, 2023
“The past is permanent, is what I am trying to say. It comes to be something you can manage only because it does not change. But for this same reason, you can tell that the past is not real, because everything real changes all the time. In the process of becoming, nothing pauses long enough for you to get a handle on it.”
January 27, 2025
"The soul is the watcher for the body, she says. And the watcher is watching that endeavor of separation. The performance of dignity is intended to say: All of this matters."
This reads essentially as a sequel to DeForest's first book, A History of Present Illness; the protagonist is no longer a resident but a palliative care fellow, now married to their chaplain partner, and navigating the harrowing new world of the COVID-19 pandemic in NYC. That alone is quite bleak, but the story is further weighed down by her fracturing marriage and the death of her mostly cruel and neglectful father. And yet, I was just as captivated by this book as her previous one, in large part due to DeForest's insightful and incisive prose. The book is full of resonant and provocative reflections around the medical system, relationships, and life, death, and dying. There's an undeniably melancholy and even grimness that permeates the book, but a quiet sense of reverence and clarity hums alongside those, offering it glimmers in the darkness.
As a palliative care chaplain, it was fascinating to get a writerly account of the fellowship experience, though it is rendered loosely and more piecemeal, sometimes taking a back seat to the more intimate sorrows of the character's personal life. Along those lines, her attempts at understanding her relationship to her father are a heartbreaking pulse of the story, while her increasingly strained marriage felt unsettlingly underdeveloped. My complaints here are with all autofiction -- the gaps in characterization and plotting are frustrating and jarring at times, keeping me at too great a distance to completely love this, but I certainly liked it a lot.
This reads essentially as a sequel to DeForest's first book, A History of Present Illness; the protagonist is no longer a resident but a palliative care fellow, now married to their chaplain partner, and navigating the harrowing new world of the COVID-19 pandemic in NYC. That alone is quite bleak, but the story is further weighed down by her fracturing marriage and the death of her mostly cruel and neglectful father. And yet, I was just as captivated by this book as her previous one, in large part due to DeForest's insightful and incisive prose. The book is full of resonant and provocative reflections around the medical system, relationships, and life, death, and dying. There's an undeniably melancholy and even grimness that permeates the book, but a quiet sense of reverence and clarity hums alongside those, offering it glimmers in the darkness.
As a palliative care chaplain, it was fascinating to get a writerly account of the fellowship experience, though it is rendered loosely and more piecemeal, sometimes taking a back seat to the more intimate sorrows of the character's personal life. Along those lines, her attempts at understanding her relationship to her father are a heartbreaking pulse of the story, while her increasingly strained marriage felt unsettlingly underdeveloped. My complaints here are with all autofiction -- the gaps in characterization and plotting are frustrating and jarring at times, keeping me at too great a distance to completely love this, but I certainly liked it a lot.
December 30, 2023
"Our Long Marvelous Dying" by Anna DeForest is a poignant exploration of the human experience in the face of mortality. DeForest's lyrical prose beautifully captures the complexities of life, death, and the spaces in between. The characters are intricately developed, and the narrative unfolds with a delicate blend of heartache and hope. This novel is a compelling meditation on the ephemeral nature of existence, offering readers a profound and reflective journey through the lens of mortality.
June 24, 2025
I was not prepared for was the disjointedness of the authors writing style. Not sure if it was styled that way to allude to the disorganization that is how death/dying is managed? The contents weren’t horrible but the way they were grouped together was very difficult and time consuming to read. Ended with some frustration.
December 14, 2023
Writing about death and dying isn't easy and I applaud DeForest for a book about both. The title and cover made me want to read this one. I didn't love the story but gathered what DeForest was trying to explain. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
December 12, 2023
Thank you NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company for the advanced digital copy in exchange for a review. All opinions are my own and are not influenced by outside factors.
This book was both what I hoped for and also not what I was expecting, all thanks to the author's choice of writing in 1st person.
The connection I felt to the narrator was unmatched. Being on their side the entire time, it felt like you were in the rooms as an intern. The thought process and experiences discussed were refreshing in a "wow, I'm really not alone" way, which was validating to say the least.
I thoroughly enjoyed how the author hints at COVID being the main illness, but never explicitly mentioned that's what the story revolved around. This detail allowed for a personal experience without throwing me back into the real world.
The only issue I may have with this book is the tendency to go off on a tangent. I found myself wanting to continue the thought, but the narrator had already moved passed it. Not a large issue, once you realize this is clearly an unreliable narrator, but still minorly confusing at times.
This was a truly thought-provoking read that I would easily recommend to anyone having difficulty registering the pandemic and/or the deaths that came of it.
Bookstagram: @marissasatheneum
This book was both what I hoped for and also not what I was expecting, all thanks to the author's choice of writing in 1st person.
The connection I felt to the narrator was unmatched. Being on their side the entire time, it felt like you were in the rooms as an intern. The thought process and experiences discussed were refreshing in a "wow, I'm really not alone" way, which was validating to say the least.
I thoroughly enjoyed how the author hints at COVID being the main illness, but never explicitly mentioned that's what the story revolved around. This detail allowed for a personal experience without throwing me back into the real world.
The only issue I may have with this book is the tendency to go off on a tangent. I found myself wanting to continue the thought, but the narrator had already moved passed it. Not a large issue, once you realize this is clearly an unreliable narrator, but still minorly confusing at times.
This was a truly thought-provoking read that I would easily recommend to anyone having difficulty registering the pandemic and/or the deaths that came of it.
Bookstagram: @marissasatheneum
November 12, 2023
A fascinating work of auto fiction that calls to mind the genre-bending work of Annie Ernaux. Instead of focusing on the minutiae of a relationship, however, DeForest examines how we, as humans, face and live with death and dying. Ostensibly a year in the life of a palliative care doctor, the unnamed narrator weaves together regrets from her own past with those of her patients, experiences of humaneness in the face of the terror of Covid, finding the simple joys and essential horrors that comprise what it means to know that one’s life is closing in on the end. Finding solace in brief moments of travel and discovering anxiety in her home life, she continues to fight to balance these extremes and to find an inner calm in the chaos that is what it means to live in NYC in 2023. The book feels at times like a documentary, the reader experiencing things right alongside the narrator and being surprised at memories that arise to certain situations. This is a powerful feat of storytelling that will re-establish a sense of humanity both for the narrator as well as the reader.
May 28, 2024
A challenging, beautiful book which reads far more like a memoir than a "novel", as its cover suggests. In plaintive, moving prose, we hear the story of the narrator, a palliative-care physician, in and around the time of the worst pandemic of the last 100 years. The city is not named, the virus is not named, and the patients are not named, all adding to the dreamlike cadence of the book. It dips repeatedly into Buddhist philosophy, but touches often on Judeo-Christian theology as well. At times the narrator's observations are so profound and moving that I had to stop reading for a few minutes - simply underlining relevant passages didn't feel like paying the text the respect it was due.
Read it if you have lost a loved one recently, or even if you plan on dying one day - it's a book that will stay with you for a while.
Read it if you have lost a loved one recently, or even if you plan on dying one day - it's a book that will stay with you for a while.
February 10, 2025
This book enraged me.
Let me tell you why. I was catfished by the title- thinking it was going to be an easy 200 something read. It was not. I almost quit half way through.
It’s a stream of consciousness kind of book that was clunky. The protagonist pissed me off with her lack of self. Stories kept running into one another and I can’t remember half of what I read.
It’s a book about death and dying and living- a very Neitzsche wana be. As a reader I couldn’t connect to any of the stories; it was very bland. I get where she was trying to go with it and it fell short due to all the tangents. I also can’t get behind the way she writes. The plot completely lost to the reader. Feel free to waste your time and anger trying to finish this book. I do not recommend unless you want to throw a book for good fun. Is this what rage bait feels like?
Let me tell you why. I was catfished by the title- thinking it was going to be an easy 200 something read. It was not. I almost quit half way through.
It’s a stream of consciousness kind of book that was clunky. The protagonist pissed me off with her lack of self. Stories kept running into one another and I can’t remember half of what I read.
It’s a book about death and dying and living- a very Neitzsche wana be. As a reader I couldn’t connect to any of the stories; it was very bland. I get where she was trying to go with it and it fell short due to all the tangents. I also can’t get behind the way she writes. The plot completely lost to the reader. Feel free to waste your time and anger trying to finish this book. I do not recommend unless you want to throw a book for good fun. Is this what rage bait feels like?
November 9, 2025
As a future palliative care physician currently training at the same fellowship program where Dr. DeForest trained, I cannot help but recognize the locations, characters, and situations in which the protagonist finds herself. While there are undoubtedly elements of fiction in this story, the majority of it is clearly drawn from her lived experience. Art imitates life.
The protagonist is incredibly observant, but I found her tendency towards despondency off putting. The story structure can be difficult to follow and jarring at times. While there was a lot of wisdom packed into this book, it is certainly not for everyone.
The protagonist is incredibly observant, but I found her tendency towards despondency off putting. The story structure can be difficult to follow and jarring at times. While there was a lot of wisdom packed into this book, it is certainly not for everyone.
April 1, 2025
Death is an endless fascinating subject that we often try not to think too much about. It’s coming for all of us and in Our Long Marvelous Dying, DeForest captures the struggle of patients, grieving family members, and medical staff during the early days of the COVID Pandemic. Through the eyes of a young palliative care physician the reader becomes a witness to the daily life and death battle.
Highly recommended.
Highly recommended.
January 17, 2025
A mix of meditations on mortality, almost case history descriptions of terminal illnesses, across the background of a marriage and reflections on the narrators relationship with her parents. The very real hospital scenes are fascinating, the thoughts on life and death and the transition between are sometimes worth scrawling in your notebook. It can be a little uneven, but certainly a worthy read.
April 21, 2024
A stream of consciousness novel focused on the effects of illness and dying on people's mental health and relationships. Feels like the perfect time to read it as we slowly make our way out of the global pandemic. Will have you question your mortality.
Thank you to the publisher for my e-copy.
Thank you to the publisher for my e-copy.
August 7, 2024
I received this book as part of a Goodreads giveaway.
I did not enjoy this book. It was very confusing. The author seemed to go on a lot of tangents or ramblings. There did not seem to be any connection throughout the book.
I did not enjoy this book. It was very confusing. The author seemed to go on a lot of tangents or ramblings. There did not seem to be any connection throughout the book.
October 17, 2024
It was disjointed. The author jumped between several stories on the same page. I thought it was going to be mostly about palliative care but she don't into other aspects of the protagonist's life that seemed to have nothing to do with the plot.
January 4, 2025
After a 2024 largely defined by loss, this collage novel circling the process of witnessing death and its accompanying abstractions for that witness as an individual and part of a wider system—a cog in the process of others’ dying, was strangely comforting and fascinating. It’s never morbid or saccharine. The writing is precise with the points of entry and exit for each piece making the whole accomplished with perfect pitch.
February 21, 2025
3.25 stars
Peculiar and with some astute observations about the mysteries and uncertainties of dying. The distant narration, jarring topic shifts, and scattered plot were disorienting at times, and I believe this book would’ve worked better as a memoir.
Peculiar and with some astute observations about the mysteries and uncertainties of dying. The distant narration, jarring topic shifts, and scattered plot were disorienting at times, and I believe this book would’ve worked better as a memoir.
July 9, 2024
I love this book so much! An ode to living and life and a meditation on death and dying.
July 27, 2024
“I have never had a religious experience, though I once saw the ocean, the Pacific Ocean, and wanted in the purest way to die.”
I loved this quiet, claustrophobic, lyrical little novel.
I loved this quiet, claustrophobic, lyrical little novel.
September 16, 2024
Some interesting thoughts. A bit somber. Hard to follow what was going on at times.
September 26, 2024
This felt like a good convincing look at the life of a palliative care physician and how tough that job can be, especially in a pandemic.
January 29, 2025
i don't know if i liked it, the writing style throws me off and there's few distinction of one story to another. i like the idea of death but the way it is described in this book makes me feel empty
March 23, 2025
Five for the stunning use of language and the author’s ability to use language to describe feelings that are so difficult to capture. Three for the story. Average 4.
Read
June 29, 2025DNF @ 19%
October 23, 2025
Bleak, dark, too fucking real. Found at the right time, immediately one of my favorites. I think all my normal friends would hate this
January 14, 2025
Gah! I did not like this writing style. Put it down after the second chapter.
January 23, 2025
3.5
Relatable from perspective of health care worker dealing with grief, death and the pandemic
The structure made it hard to follow, essentially really long prose which at times ran on
Relatable from perspective of health care worker dealing with grief, death and the pandemic
The structure made it hard to follow, essentially really long prose which at times ran on
May 20, 2025
Video review https://youtu.be/5AH_MNeV0pg
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews