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How to Outsmart a Narcissist: Use Emotional Intelligence to Regain Control at Home, at Work, and in Life
It might be surprising to learn that the emotional qualities that allow you to remain close to others, empathize, collaborate, compromise, perspective-take, and easily resolve conflict, in most healthy relationships, can actually backfire with a narcissist.
Why? Because you see the good. You trust. You empathize. These emotionally intelligent attributes keep you connected to others and help you resolve conflict amicably and maintain healthy relationships.
Written by psychotherapist and attachment expert, Dr. Erin Leonard, How to Outsmart a Narcissist breaks down how a narcissist manipulates and exploits these traits and details strategies to protect yourself against their attacks, whether they come from a romantic partner, a work colleague, a spouse, a co-parent, or a family member.
Filled with relatable stories, emotionally intelligent solutions, and practical advice to help you outsmart the narcissist in your life, this is your guide to finally finding peace from their chaos.
Why? Because you see the good. You trust. You empathize. These emotionally intelligent attributes keep you connected to others and help you resolve conflict amicably and maintain healthy relationships.
Written by psychotherapist and attachment expert, Dr. Erin Leonard, How to Outsmart a Narcissist breaks down how a narcissist manipulates and exploits these traits and details strategies to protect yourself against their attacks, whether they come from a romantic partner, a work colleague, a spouse, a co-parent, or a family member.
Filled with relatable stories, emotionally intelligent solutions, and practical advice to help you outsmart the narcissist in your life, this is your guide to finally finding peace from their chaos.
239 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 23, 2024
43 people are currently reading
2737 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
September 30, 2024
I received an advance reader copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.
How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an enlightening self-help book for anyone experiencing/dealing with narcissistic behaviour in their lives or wanting to learn more on this subject. The case studies used were both interesting to read but did trigger some flashbacks for me from a past relationship I escaped from, so it has taken me a while to finish this book. The advice and strategies are supportive and helpful, and I wish I'd have had this book many years ago. It was definitely worth the read.
How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an enlightening self-help book for anyone experiencing/dealing with narcissistic behaviour in their lives or wanting to learn more on this subject. The case studies used were both interesting to read but did trigger some flashbacks for me from a past relationship I escaped from, so it has taken me a while to finish this book. The advice and strategies are supportive and helpful, and I wish I'd have had this book many years ago. It was definitely worth the read.
June 13, 2024
For anyone who has had the misfortune to have dealings with a narcissist, this book will resonate so strongly with you.
The book covers many different relationships, so whether you have these issues in a workplace, with a partner, or parent, there is help available to help you negotiate a path through this viscous, damaging behaviour. At the end of each chapter, a long list of references are provided, should you wish, or need, to read more extensively.
How to Outsmart a Narcissist is helpful in a few ways.
Firstly, it helps to reassure the person subjected to the narcissistic behaviour, that their feelings are valid. They are not being over sensitive, over thinking, imagining the situation, or blowing things out of proportion. They are not weak, as they will have been manipulated to feel.
Secondly, it gives practical advice on how to deal with specific situations. How to choose words carefully, and when to retreat by removing yourself from a situation.
When discussing this book with friends, I was surprised to find how many had experienced narcissistic behaviours. I had no idea how common a condition narcissism is; they definitely walk amongst us, manipulating those around them for years, and sadly in some cases, decades. Don’t underestimate the damage caused, it is extensive, and runs very deep. It is invaluable to understand you are not alone in your experiences. This book will be an emotional read, you will feel validated, you will feel seen. 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ from me.
The book covers many different relationships, so whether you have these issues in a workplace, with a partner, or parent, there is help available to help you negotiate a path through this viscous, damaging behaviour. At the end of each chapter, a long list of references are provided, should you wish, or need, to read more extensively.
How to Outsmart a Narcissist is helpful in a few ways.
Firstly, it helps to reassure the person subjected to the narcissistic behaviour, that their feelings are valid. They are not being over sensitive, over thinking, imagining the situation, or blowing things out of proportion. They are not weak, as they will have been manipulated to feel.
Secondly, it gives practical advice on how to deal with specific situations. How to choose words carefully, and when to retreat by removing yourself from a situation.
When discussing this book with friends, I was surprised to find how many had experienced narcissistic behaviours. I had no idea how common a condition narcissism is; they definitely walk amongst us, manipulating those around them for years, and sadly in some cases, decades. Don’t underestimate the damage caused, it is extensive, and runs very deep. It is invaluable to understand you are not alone in your experiences. This book will be an emotional read, you will feel validated, you will feel seen. 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ from me.
April 26, 2024
This is a must read for anyone who has found themselves befuddled, shocked, angry, hurt or just plain confused following interactions with a narcissist. It details in clear, precise language the techniques that narcissists will use to infiltrate your life and how you can deal with them. The book covers many situations where you might encounter a narcissist, from the workplace (I found that particularly interesting and useful) to a romantic partner or a family member and how to deal with them (since using empathy won’t work with them). There were a lot of behaviors explained and some useful terminology as well. (I definitely learned some new terms!)
I also liked that there were little vignettes throughout with some examples of narcissistic behavior and how the empathic approach doesn’t really work.
I sometimes struggle with books like this because they can be quite dense, but this one was very readable which I appreciated.
This book put a lot of things in perspective for me, and even though I don’t read much nonfiction I really enjoyed it. I learned a lot!
I also liked that there were little vignettes throughout with some examples of narcissistic behavior and how the empathic approach doesn’t really work.
I sometimes struggle with books like this because they can be quite dense, but this one was very readable which I appreciated.
This book put a lot of things in perspective for me, and even though I don’t read much nonfiction I really enjoyed it. I learned a lot!
April 29, 2024
I found this book extremely insightful and helpful.
I chose to review it based on the chapter on dealing with narcissistic behaviour in the workplace - it was spot on. The advice and explanations were so useful, and I will be putting them into practice.
I liked the way the book was set out - clear chapters, with aims & sections with different explanations.
Really good and useful book.
Would recommend to all who want to learn about narcissists and find details on how to overcome it.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC.
I chose to review it based on the chapter on dealing with narcissistic behaviour in the workplace - it was spot on. The advice and explanations were so useful, and I will be putting them into practice.
I liked the way the book was set out - clear chapters, with aims & sections with different explanations.
Really good and useful book.
Would recommend to all who want to learn about narcissists and find details on how to overcome it.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC.
December 12, 2024
Really interesting and insightful look on narcissists, how they work, and how to deal with them. If you have a difficult person in your life, you should read this book—because even if they aren’t a textbook narcissist, I do think narcissists and difficult people have many similarities
December 31, 2024
Erin Leonard's "How to Outsmart a Narcissist" is a transformative guide that equips readers with the strategies necessary to defend against narcissistic manipulation and reclaim control over their personal and professional lives. Authored by a seasoned psychotherapist and attachment expert, this book delves into the intricacies of emotional intelligence (EI) that narcissists often exploit, offering profound insights and practical advice to outmaneuver them.
Leonard highlights the paradox where emotionally intelligent traits—such as empathy, collaboration, and conflict resolution—can become vulnerabilities when dealing with narcissists. These individuals have a knack for manipulating and exploiting qualities that are typically valued in healthy relationships. Through relatable anecdotes, emotionally intelligent solutions, and actionable advice, Leonard provides readers with the tools to navigate relationships involving narcissists, be they romantic partners, colleagues, spouses, co-parents, or family members.
The book aims to illuminate how your EI qualities can be twisted by those with narcissistic tendencies. Leonard empowers you to "flip the script" and leverage these same EI tools to neutralize, outsmart, evade, or, when unavoidable, coexist with a narcissist. It's an eye-opener to realize that the very attributes that help you build close, empathetic, and harmonious relationships can backfire when dealing with a toxic person. Narcissists often exploit your trust, empathy, and loyalty to their advantage, ultimately working against you behind your back.
Before you even realize it, a narcissist can manipulate you into believing you are the problem in the relationship. Without a solid understanding of your vulnerabilities and specific EI strategies to counteract the narcissist's tactics, you might endure significant emotional abuse across various aspects of your life—whether at work, in dating, or at home.
You may find yourself asking, "Why am I always their target?" The answer lies in two main reasons: narcissists are often envious of your emotional intelligence, and they derive no gratification from bullying another narcissist. Their goal is to control, sabotage, or eliminate anything that makes them feel inferior. Since they cannot possess your EI gifts through deceit, they seek to undermine and hurt you instead.
Initially, a narcissist is drawn to your warmth, authenticity, and ease. However, trouble begins when they perceive your unique gifts, triggering their insecurities. Their motives shift towards controlling you and exploiting your EI talents for their gain while positioning you as the antagonist. Escaping such a relationship unscathed is no small feat, given the narcissist's charm and manipulation.
This book serves as an essential toolkit, providing you with every necessary strategy to evade, inoculate, or surpass a narcissist in any area of your life. Each chapter unlocks critical knowledge about your EI qualities, the driving forces behind narcissists, and the tactics they employ against you. By internalizing the insights and engaging with the practical exercises in each chapter, you'll develop new skills to outsmart narcissists across all facets of your life.
Leonard's guide is an invaluable resource for understanding and utilizing your own EI qualities to counteract narcissistic tactics, enabling you to live a life free from narcissistic attacks. You'll acquire the EI skills needed to break the cycle of generational abuse and liberate yourself from maltreatment, even while coexisting with a narcissistic parent.
Remember, you are not alone. You are not perfect, but you possess a good heart, and no one has the right to exploit, manipulate, bully, or mistreat you. Breaking the generational cycle of abuse is not just permissible; it is imperative for your well-being.
Leonard highlights the paradox where emotionally intelligent traits—such as empathy, collaboration, and conflict resolution—can become vulnerabilities when dealing with narcissists. These individuals have a knack for manipulating and exploiting qualities that are typically valued in healthy relationships. Through relatable anecdotes, emotionally intelligent solutions, and actionable advice, Leonard provides readers with the tools to navigate relationships involving narcissists, be they romantic partners, colleagues, spouses, co-parents, or family members.
The book aims to illuminate how your EI qualities can be twisted by those with narcissistic tendencies. Leonard empowers you to "flip the script" and leverage these same EI tools to neutralize, outsmart, evade, or, when unavoidable, coexist with a narcissist. It's an eye-opener to realize that the very attributes that help you build close, empathetic, and harmonious relationships can backfire when dealing with a toxic person. Narcissists often exploit your trust, empathy, and loyalty to their advantage, ultimately working against you behind your back.
Before you even realize it, a narcissist can manipulate you into believing you are the problem in the relationship. Without a solid understanding of your vulnerabilities and specific EI strategies to counteract the narcissist's tactics, you might endure significant emotional abuse across various aspects of your life—whether at work, in dating, or at home.
You may find yourself asking, "Why am I always their target?" The answer lies in two main reasons: narcissists are often envious of your emotional intelligence, and they derive no gratification from bullying another narcissist. Their goal is to control, sabotage, or eliminate anything that makes them feel inferior. Since they cannot possess your EI gifts through deceit, they seek to undermine and hurt you instead.
Initially, a narcissist is drawn to your warmth, authenticity, and ease. However, trouble begins when they perceive your unique gifts, triggering their insecurities. Their motives shift towards controlling you and exploiting your EI talents for their gain while positioning you as the antagonist. Escaping such a relationship unscathed is no small feat, given the narcissist's charm and manipulation.
This book serves as an essential toolkit, providing you with every necessary strategy to evade, inoculate, or surpass a narcissist in any area of your life. Each chapter unlocks critical knowledge about your EI qualities, the driving forces behind narcissists, and the tactics they employ against you. By internalizing the insights and engaging with the practical exercises in each chapter, you'll develop new skills to outsmart narcissists across all facets of your life.
Leonard's guide is an invaluable resource for understanding and utilizing your own EI qualities to counteract narcissistic tactics, enabling you to live a life free from narcissistic attacks. You'll acquire the EI skills needed to break the cycle of generational abuse and liberate yourself from maltreatment, even while coexisting with a narcissistic parent.
Remember, you are not alone. You are not perfect, but you possess a good heart, and no one has the right to exploit, manipulate, bully, or mistreat you. Breaking the generational cycle of abuse is not just permissible; it is imperative for your well-being.
June 5, 2024
While I enjoyed this book, there were a few things that kept me from giving it five stars
1) I really wished she would have explained narcist and emotional intelligence a little better. The way she presents them in her book, it is very easy to come away with the idea that you are either emotionally intelligent or you are a narcist. Both narcissism and emotional intelligence exist on a spectrum. For example “If you take accountability, have insight, and establish reciprocal relationships, you may have some narcissistic traits but not a personality disorder.” (https://psychcentral.com/disorders/na...). I fear this lack of explanation and all of the self diagnostics quizzes found in this book will lead to people self diagnosing themselves and others as narcissists. For example “Narcissism or NPD might sometimes be confused with Asperger’s. This is because some Asperger’s traits can appear to be similar to narcissistic traits.” (https://www.healthline.com/health/aut...). Both low and high emotional intelligence can present in multiple ways, in conjunction with a multitude of different conditions in a similar way IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is not a yes or a no neither is EQ (Emotional Quotient).
2) The actual writing and structure. The tone in this book is a bit inconsistent, in some places being very formal and in others using sentences such as “For once, they are upset and you are not. Let them throw a fit like a big fat baby.” and “As crazy as it is, when your underhanded relative do not have control over you, and are not getting what they want, they feel entitled to bully you. It’s insane.”.
Due to the structure of the book the author will bring up a topic then say we talk about it later, and is over all very repetitive to the point that in some places sentences are repeated line for line. The most clear example can be seen here
“Demand complete authority over you: Possibly the worst outcome, however, is when the narcissist uses character assassination to paint you as “out of control” and in need of their direct supervision . Next, the narcissist campaigns to have you moved directly and solely under them. This way, they have total and utter control over you and are free to continually exploit and humiliate you.”
“Get you fired: A narcissist satisfies their wish to extinguish the threat to their ego— you— by literally getting rid of you. They also enjoy seeing you publicly humiliated. Possibly the worst outcome, however, is when the narcissist uses character assassination to paint you as “out of control” and in need of direct supervision by them.”
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to review an Arc of this book
1) I really wished she would have explained narcist and emotional intelligence a little better. The way she presents them in her book, it is very easy to come away with the idea that you are either emotionally intelligent or you are a narcist. Both narcissism and emotional intelligence exist on a spectrum. For example “If you take accountability, have insight, and establish reciprocal relationships, you may have some narcissistic traits but not a personality disorder.” (https://psychcentral.com/disorders/na...). I fear this lack of explanation and all of the self diagnostics quizzes found in this book will lead to people self diagnosing themselves and others as narcissists. For example “Narcissism or NPD might sometimes be confused with Asperger’s. This is because some Asperger’s traits can appear to be similar to narcissistic traits.” (https://www.healthline.com/health/aut...). Both low and high emotional intelligence can present in multiple ways, in conjunction with a multitude of different conditions in a similar way IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is not a yes or a no neither is EQ (Emotional Quotient).
2) The actual writing and structure. The tone in this book is a bit inconsistent, in some places being very formal and in others using sentences such as “For once, they are upset and you are not. Let them throw a fit like a big fat baby.” and “As crazy as it is, when your underhanded relative do not have control over you, and are not getting what they want, they feel entitled to bully you. It’s insane.”.
Due to the structure of the book the author will bring up a topic then say we talk about it later, and is over all very repetitive to the point that in some places sentences are repeated line for line. The most clear example can be seen here
“Demand complete authority over you: Possibly the worst outcome, however, is when the narcissist uses character assassination to paint you as “out of control” and in need of their direct supervision . Next, the narcissist campaigns to have you moved directly and solely under them. This way, they have total and utter control over you and are free to continually exploit and humiliate you.”
“Get you fired: A narcissist satisfies their wish to extinguish the threat to their ego— you— by literally getting rid of you. They also enjoy seeing you publicly humiliated. Possibly the worst outcome, however, is when the narcissist uses character assassination to paint you as “out of control” and in need of direct supervision by them.”
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to review an Arc of this book
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 28, 2024
This book was pretty interesting. It had a lot of information - a lot of it 'common sense' and a lot that felt like waffle. However, there were also a lot of good useful info.
I left a job due to a Narcissist boss, and so there was a lot in this book that i could resonate with- i found myself reading going 'yes!', 'yes!' to a lot of the points.
I think this book would have been better if it was 100 pages shorter and a bit more concise, so there was less waffle. Never the less, I did get something from reading.
I left a job due to a Narcissist boss, and so there was a lot in this book that i could resonate with- i found myself reading going 'yes!', 'yes!' to a lot of the points.
I think this book would have been better if it was 100 pages shorter and a bit more concise, so there was less waffle. Never the less, I did get something from reading.
April 26, 2024
Narcissists inhabit the world, and this incredibly helpful guide gives great tips on identifying them and dealing with their toxic behavior. Highly recommended!
August 15, 2024
Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this eARC.
Erin Leonard’s How to Outsmart a Narcissist is a timely and insightful guide that offers practical strategies for dealing with narcissistic individuals in various aspects of life. Drawing on her extensive experience as a psychotherapist, Leonard provides readers with the tools they need to protect themselves and regain control.
The book is well-organized, beginning with an explanation of what narcissism is and how it manifests in different relationships—whether with a romantic partner, a colleague, a family member, or a friend. Leonard delves into the specific tactics narcissists use to manipulate and control others, such as gaslighting, projection, and emotional blackmail.
One of the book’s central themes is the importance of emotional intelligence in dealing with narcissists.
Leonard emphasizes that the very qualities that make someone emotionally intelligent—empathy, trust, and the ability to resolve conflicts—can be exploited by narcissists. She provides actionable advice on how to recognize these manipulative tactics and respond effectively.
Leonard’s writing is clear, concise, and engaging. She avoids jargon, making the book accessible to a wide audience. Her tone is compassionate and authoritative, reflecting her deep understanding of the subject matter.
The book is filled with practical exercises and self-assessment tools that help readers identify their vulnerabilities and develop strategies to protect themselves. Leonard’s advice is grounded in psychological principles, but it is also highly practical, making it easy for readers to implement in their daily lives.
How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an invaluable resource for anyone struggling with a narcissistic individual in their life. Leonard’s expertise and empathetic approach make this book informative and empowering. By combining emotional intelligence with practical strategies, she provides readers with the tools they need to regain control and protect their well-being. This book is a must-read for anyone looking to understand and outsmart narcissistic behavior.
Erin Leonard’s How to Outsmart a Narcissist is a timely and insightful guide that offers practical strategies for dealing with narcissistic individuals in various aspects of life. Drawing on her extensive experience as a psychotherapist, Leonard provides readers with the tools they need to protect themselves and regain control.
The book is well-organized, beginning with an explanation of what narcissism is and how it manifests in different relationships—whether with a romantic partner, a colleague, a family member, or a friend. Leonard delves into the specific tactics narcissists use to manipulate and control others, such as gaslighting, projection, and emotional blackmail.
One of the book’s central themes is the importance of emotional intelligence in dealing with narcissists.
Leonard emphasizes that the very qualities that make someone emotionally intelligent—empathy, trust, and the ability to resolve conflicts—can be exploited by narcissists. She provides actionable advice on how to recognize these manipulative tactics and respond effectively.
Leonard’s writing is clear, concise, and engaging. She avoids jargon, making the book accessible to a wide audience. Her tone is compassionate and authoritative, reflecting her deep understanding of the subject matter.
The book is filled with practical exercises and self-assessment tools that help readers identify their vulnerabilities and develop strategies to protect themselves. Leonard’s advice is grounded in psychological principles, but it is also highly practical, making it easy for readers to implement in their daily lives.
How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an invaluable resource for anyone struggling with a narcissistic individual in their life. Leonard’s expertise and empathetic approach make this book informative and empowering. By combining emotional intelligence with practical strategies, she provides readers with the tools they need to regain control and protect their well-being. This book is a must-read for anyone looking to understand and outsmart narcissistic behavior.
August 21, 2024
In an age where personal interactions are increasingly complex, How to Outsmart a Narcissist stands out as an essential guide for anyone dealing with narcissistic personalities. The book offers not only a compelling analysis of narcissism but also practical strategies for outsmarting these challenging individuals.
From the very first page, the author draws readers into a world where self-preservation and strategic thinking are paramount. The insights are nothing short of revolutionary, providing a clear and actionable roadmap for understanding and dealing with narcissists. The depth of research and the clarity of explanation are remarkable, making complex psychological concepts accessible and applicable.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its balanced approach. The author doesn’t merely diagnose the problem but offers concrete solutions and techniques to navigate interactions with narcissists effectively. Each chapter is packed with real-world examples and actionable advice, making it a valuable resource for anyone who has faced the manipulative and often destructive behavior of narcissists.
The writing is engaging and empathetic, reflecting a deep understanding of the emotional and psychological impact of dealing with such individuals. The strategies outlined are not only practical but also empowering, equipping readers with the tools needed to reclaim their autonomy and well-being.
Overall, How to Outsmart a Narcissist is a standout resource for anyone looking to better understand and outmaneuver narcissistic behavior. It’s an enlightening read that combines psychological insight with practical wisdom. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has found themselves struggling with narcissists in their personal or professional life. It’s a game-changer, offering hope and actionable solutions where it is most needed.
From the very first page, the author draws readers into a world where self-preservation and strategic thinking are paramount. The insights are nothing short of revolutionary, providing a clear and actionable roadmap for understanding and dealing with narcissists. The depth of research and the clarity of explanation are remarkable, making complex psychological concepts accessible and applicable.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its balanced approach. The author doesn’t merely diagnose the problem but offers concrete solutions and techniques to navigate interactions with narcissists effectively. Each chapter is packed with real-world examples and actionable advice, making it a valuable resource for anyone who has faced the manipulative and often destructive behavior of narcissists.
The writing is engaging and empathetic, reflecting a deep understanding of the emotional and psychological impact of dealing with such individuals. The strategies outlined are not only practical but also empowering, equipping readers with the tools needed to reclaim their autonomy and well-being.
Overall, How to Outsmart a Narcissist is a standout resource for anyone looking to better understand and outmaneuver narcissistic behavior. It’s an enlightening read that combines psychological insight with practical wisdom. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has found themselves struggling with narcissists in their personal or professional life. It’s a game-changer, offering hope and actionable solutions where it is most needed.
November 1, 2024
Dr. Erin Leonard's book- How to Outsmart a Narcissist is a highly accessible, insightful guide for those dealing with narcissistic behavior, whether in relationships, family, or professional environments. With a clear, straightforward writing style, Leonard provides practical advice on recognizing, understanding, and managing interactions with narcissistic individuals, making this book exceptionally easy to read and follow.
One of the standout features of Leonard’s approach is her use of real-life scenarios, which bring the book’s insights to life in a way that feels both validating and empowering. The examples range from subtle manipulation tactics to overt control behaviors, illustrating the ways narcissists often operate, and equipping readers to identify these tactics in their own experiences. Leonard’s suggestions for handling these situations are well-grounded in empathy and awareness, emphasizing strategies that protect one’s well-being and mental health.
What sets How to Outsmart a Narcissist apart from other books on the topic is its practical, relatable advice. Each chapter presents actionable steps tailored to specific dynamics, making it easier to apply her advice to one's unique circumstances. I have yet to read a book that uses the strengths of being emotionally intelligent to combat a narcissist. The book also warns how narcissists may use your EI against you and how to see the warning signs. Dr. Leonard breaks down complex psychological concepts into understandable sections, allowing readers to feel informed and prepared without being overwhelmed.
For anyone dealing with narcissistic behavior or simply interested in understanding it, How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an invaluable resource that combines expert knowledge with compassionate guidance.
One of the standout features of Leonard’s approach is her use of real-life scenarios, which bring the book’s insights to life in a way that feels both validating and empowering. The examples range from subtle manipulation tactics to overt control behaviors, illustrating the ways narcissists often operate, and equipping readers to identify these tactics in their own experiences. Leonard’s suggestions for handling these situations are well-grounded in empathy and awareness, emphasizing strategies that protect one’s well-being and mental health.
What sets How to Outsmart a Narcissist apart from other books on the topic is its practical, relatable advice. Each chapter presents actionable steps tailored to specific dynamics, making it easier to apply her advice to one's unique circumstances. I have yet to read a book that uses the strengths of being emotionally intelligent to combat a narcissist. The book also warns how narcissists may use your EI against you and how to see the warning signs. Dr. Leonard breaks down complex psychological concepts into understandable sections, allowing readers to feel informed and prepared without being overwhelmed.
For anyone dealing with narcissistic behavior or simply interested in understanding it, How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an invaluable resource that combines expert knowledge with compassionate guidance.
May 8, 2025
I have read a great deal of self help books that deal with themes surrounding narcissistic relationships – this one is easily at the top of ones I have read and would recommend to others.
I feel this is a very interesting and informative read that helps those who have had the unfortunate experience of knowing or having any type of relationship with narcissist regain their sense of reality and navigate the complex and confusing aftermath feelings and self-image knowing one leaves behind.
Understanding how a narcissist things, selects those they attempt to manipulate and control and what triggers their wrath is really important to both self-healing and self-preservation. In helping they reader to understand emotional intelligence, what those qualities look like in people – how that irritates narcissist, how to use it navigate interactions with a narc – having tools to move through these interactions and to learn why one might attract a narc to better protect themselves from getting sucked in and drained by one, is really insightful and powerful.
If you have ever met or endured a narc, this book will ease the uncertainty and self-doubt, negative self-image and talk and "am I the narcissist?" ruminating thoughts you be left with – and help you to understand what happened and how to prevent it happening to you again.
I would recommend this to anyone who wants to understand narcissist, is enduring one, or healing from one in the past.
Thank you NetGallery for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
I feel this is a very interesting and informative read that helps those who have had the unfortunate experience of knowing or having any type of relationship with narcissist regain their sense of reality and navigate the complex and confusing aftermath feelings and self-image knowing one leaves behind.
Understanding how a narcissist things, selects those they attempt to manipulate and control and what triggers their wrath is really important to both self-healing and self-preservation. In helping they reader to understand emotional intelligence, what those qualities look like in people – how that irritates narcissist, how to use it navigate interactions with a narc – having tools to move through these interactions and to learn why one might attract a narc to better protect themselves from getting sucked in and drained by one, is really insightful and powerful.
If you have ever met or endured a narc, this book will ease the uncertainty and self-doubt, negative self-image and talk and "am I the narcissist?" ruminating thoughts you be left with – and help you to understand what happened and how to prevent it happening to you again.
I would recommend this to anyone who wants to understand narcissist, is enduring one, or healing from one in the past.
Thank you NetGallery for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
December 7, 2024
This book is absolutely life-changing! Dr. Erin Leonard's insights are next level. In How to Outsmart a Narcissist, she explains how the qualities that make us good people—like empathy, trust, and the ability to resolve conflict—can actually work against us when dealing with a narcissist. I never thought of it that way before, but wow, it makes so much sense.
What I love most is how relatable this book is. Dr. Leonard uses real-life examples that make you feel like she gets it. She doesn’t just point out the problem; she gives you practical advice you can actually use. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, coworker, or family member, this book will give you the tools to protect yourself and stay sane.
Dr. Leonard is a genius at breaking down complicated dynamics in a way that’s easy to understand. Her tips are empowering and doable, and by the time you’re done reading, you’ll feel so much more confident about handling these toxic situations.
If you’re struggling with a narcissist in your life, do yourself a favor and get this book. It’s like a manual for taking your power back!
What I love most is how relatable this book is. Dr. Leonard uses real-life examples that make you feel like she gets it. She doesn’t just point out the problem; she gives you practical advice you can actually use. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, coworker, or family member, this book will give you the tools to protect yourself and stay sane.
Dr. Leonard is a genius at breaking down complicated dynamics in a way that’s easy to understand. Her tips are empowering and doable, and by the time you’re done reading, you’ll feel so much more confident about handling these toxic situations.
If you’re struggling with a narcissist in your life, do yourself a favor and get this book. It’s like a manual for taking your power back!
May 11, 2024
Discovering that the very qualities fostering healthy relationships can falter when dealing with a toxic individual is eye-opening. This insightful read delves into how emotional intelligence, essential for empathy, collaboration, and conflict resolution, can be manipulated by narcissists. A must-read for those left bewildered or hurt after encounters with such personalities, the book offers clear insights into narcissistic tactics and effective coping strategies. From workplace dynamics to personal relationships, it provides practical guidance, highlighting the limitations of empathy in dealing with narcissists. The inclusion of examples showcasing narcissistic behaviours adds depth and clarity, while the book's structured layout facilitates easy comprehension. A valuable resource shedding light on narcissism and empowering readers with actionable advice. Thanks to NetGalley and Hachette UK for this enlightening read. Highly recommended for anyone seeking to understand and navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals.
May 2, 2024
100% this is a five star book. If you’ve ever experienced (or think you’ve experienced) a narcissist in your life, you should get it.
I’m a fan of a self-help book & have read a couple of them on attachment & on narcissism. None has been like this. Each concise chapter is written in a way that’s easy to understand yet not too simplified that it feels hard to engage with. Solid scenarios help back up the author’s points, as do a wealth of citations so you know that this is a well researched book. Crucially this also gives you solid advice for various scenarios you might find yourself in an entanglement with a narcissist. The advice is practical and honestly feels really helpful. This is the first book from NetGalley that I will 100% be buying when it comes out.
Thank you to NetGalley, the author and publishers for access to this arc in return for an honest review.
I’m a fan of a self-help book & have read a couple of them on attachment & on narcissism. None has been like this. Each concise chapter is written in a way that’s easy to understand yet not too simplified that it feels hard to engage with. Solid scenarios help back up the author’s points, as do a wealth of citations so you know that this is a well researched book. Crucially this also gives you solid advice for various scenarios you might find yourself in an entanglement with a narcissist. The advice is practical and honestly feels really helpful. This is the first book from NetGalley that I will 100% be buying when it comes out.
Thank you to NetGalley, the author and publishers for access to this arc in return for an honest review.
July 1, 2024
This book is useful for those seeking to find out how to deal with the narcissist in their lives (probably most of us know one in our work or family relationships). I found it useful to understand more of why an otherwise emotionally intelligent person might be at a loss of how to respond when interacting with a narcissist because of the way the narcissist controls the conversations and perceptions. It was revealing as to how this occurs and what to try instead. I did wish for a bit more information on boundary setting because that is an important part that is mentioned but not so certain as to how this is best accomplished or what parameters are useful. The references at the end of each chapter might be better at the end of the book, as they were distracting to the flow from chapter to chapter.
October 7, 2024
If you suspect or know that you are being abused and manipulated by narcissists in your life, get this book - you won't regret it! Dr. Leonard offers a kind of psychotherapy that is accessible to all readers. This book is a perfect blend of researched, sound advice with the type of encouragement and empowering support of a close friend.
Dr. Leonard has taught me that being emotionally intelligent is not just a gift that supports healthy inter-personal relationships, but EI can also be a useful tool to recognize and seize abuse relationships with both grandiose and covert narcissists (and trust me, I have had several in my life!). I am learning to re-gain control and a sense of happiness to freely be myself.
Dr. Leonard has taught me that being emotionally intelligent is not just a gift that supports healthy inter-personal relationships, but EI can also be a useful tool to recognize and seize abuse relationships with both grandiose and covert narcissists (and trust me, I have had several in my life!). I am learning to re-gain control and a sense of happiness to freely be myself.
August 6, 2024
Erin Leonard wrote a book that so many could benefit from. Not only does she outline the qualities of emotional intelligence and help you identify the two types of narcissists you encounter in life, but she also provides helpful tools for understanding why you might attract narcissists in the first place. There are a lot of personal stories in the book that I could have done without, but I realize that other readers might resonate with those more than I did. Otherwise, this book was a fantastic resource for protecting yourself from manipulation in relationships. *Advance copy provided by the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
January 3, 2026
An excellent read and a must one at that. Whether or not you are “lucky” enough, I am sure each one of is to have had a narcissistic relationship or come across a giant one. This book can help you truly read, understand and enable your Emotional Intelligence to deal with worst possible form of these terrible beings. I am surprised why is this book not yet a mainstream one in this topic. It’s well researched and beautifully written for anyone who is not well versed with the narcissistic dynamics or gaslight into believing the problem is them. Read this book without second thoughts. Best one to start with on the subject.
December 12, 2024
I wish I had read this book when I was younger! This book is amazing! It gives great insight for the workplace dealings with co-workers and supervisors, as well as for personal relationships with friends, romantic partners, and family members. I wish I could have read this book when I was young, because it could have eliminated so much heartache over the years. When you start to read it, it is very hard to put down! I highly recommend this to anyone who is dealing with a "difficult" individual.
May 18, 2024
Thank you NetGalley for the ebook in exchange for an honest review.
Really good book. Clear, helpful, and extremely accurate to the point where I felt like I was reading about something that had happened to me. The examples were easy and aided in beyter visualisation of a situation. The tips that are given are also super helpful, despite seeming really hard and impossible to carry out if you are stuck in a bad situation with a narcissist.
Really good book. Clear, helpful, and extremely accurate to the point where I felt like I was reading about something that had happened to me. The examples were easy and aided in beyter visualisation of a situation. The tips that are given are also super helpful, despite seeming really hard and impossible to carry out if you are stuck in a bad situation with a narcissist.
July 1, 2024
ARC received from publisher to review
This is a difficult book to review. The book talks a lot about 'emotional intelligence', and starts by listing the traits of a narcissist, one being someone who likes to solve problems. Which doesn't fit the profile of people I know who I would class as narcissists, so I found it tricky to relate to at times. This being said, it is a book that certainly helps to empower the reader on how to deal with toxic behaviour they encounter.
This is a difficult book to review. The book talks a lot about 'emotional intelligence', and starts by listing the traits of a narcissist, one being someone who likes to solve problems. Which doesn't fit the profile of people I know who I would class as narcissists, so I found it tricky to relate to at times. This being said, it is a book that certainly helps to empower the reader on how to deal with toxic behaviour they encounter.
December 11, 2024
"How to Outsmart a Narcissist" by Erin Leonard is an insightful guide for dealing with narcissistic individuals. Leonard provides practical strategies and real-life examples, making it easy to understand and apply. Her compassionate approach helps readers feel supported and empowered to handle challenging situations. I would most definitely say this book is a must read for anyone navigating relationships with narcissists!
September 28, 2024
I’ve always been fascinated by narcissists, both their behavior and the terminology that defines them. What makes them who they are? How do they act? And as someone who (at least as far as I know) isn’t a narcissist, how do you deal with them? A newly published book answers exactly these questions.
The book is structured around various behavior patterns typically exhibited by narcissists, as well as the types of relationships in which “ordinary” people might encounter them. These could be in the workplace (e.g., colleague-superior, colleague-colleague), in romantic partnerships (e.g., extramarital affairs, spouse-spouse, spouse-ex-spouse), or within family dynamics. While the author focuses on the most common scenarios, there are, of course, countless other possibilities. Each situation or relationship is explored in depth, with a focus on typical narcissistic behaviors in that context—what they might do, want, or aim to achieve. To help illustrate these points, every chapter includes case studies that are analyzed throughout, offering insights into what happened, what could have been done differently, and how to move forward. In essence, it’s a handbook for navigating interactions with narcissists.
Reading this book was an emotional rollercoaster. Each time a new case study began, I could feel the adrenaline building. When it reached the point where an injustice was done, I felt as though I were right there, a witness to the situation. The anger and disgust I felt toward these characters were almost palpable. Horrible situations, horrendously awful characters. On one hand, I had to remind myself that it’s just a book, a work of fiction. But at the same time, the scenarios presented are likely all too real for many people. I felt genuine empathy for those who have experienced this in real life, and I sincerely hope they find a way through.
In summary, this is a well-written and expertly structured guide that offers a comprehensive look into this uniquely toxic world. While there are undoubtedly countless variations of the situations described, the book’s main goal is to raise awareness. Be cautious, be observant, and don’t let it weigh on your heart. Stay strong and brave—you’ve got this! 😊
Thank you so much, NetGalley and Hachette UK, for this incredible reading experience and for the ARC copy!
Review in Estonian: https://brixieblog.wordpress.com/2024...
The book is structured around various behavior patterns typically exhibited by narcissists, as well as the types of relationships in which “ordinary” people might encounter them. These could be in the workplace (e.g., colleague-superior, colleague-colleague), in romantic partnerships (e.g., extramarital affairs, spouse-spouse, spouse-ex-spouse), or within family dynamics. While the author focuses on the most common scenarios, there are, of course, countless other possibilities. Each situation or relationship is explored in depth, with a focus on typical narcissistic behaviors in that context—what they might do, want, or aim to achieve. To help illustrate these points, every chapter includes case studies that are analyzed throughout, offering insights into what happened, what could have been done differently, and how to move forward. In essence, it’s a handbook for navigating interactions with narcissists.
Reading this book was an emotional rollercoaster. Each time a new case study began, I could feel the adrenaline building. When it reached the point where an injustice was done, I felt as though I were right there, a witness to the situation. The anger and disgust I felt toward these characters were almost palpable. Horrible situations, horrendously awful characters. On one hand, I had to remind myself that it’s just a book, a work of fiction. But at the same time, the scenarios presented are likely all too real for many people. I felt genuine empathy for those who have experienced this in real life, and I sincerely hope they find a way through.
In summary, this is a well-written and expertly structured guide that offers a comprehensive look into this uniquely toxic world. While there are undoubtedly countless variations of the situations described, the book’s main goal is to raise awareness. Be cautious, be observant, and don’t let it weigh on your heart. Stay strong and brave—you’ve got this! 😊
Thank you so much, NetGalley and Hachette UK, for this incredible reading experience and for the ARC copy!
Review in Estonian: https://brixieblog.wordpress.com/2024...
August 28, 2024
Highly recommend to everyone. Narcissism is such a common thing in today’s world and we see it all the time in our families, friends, & partners. This book can help with getting the closure you need and to add validation to your feelings in experiences that you think people don’t understand.
August 20, 2024
Loved it! The book was so good!
August 21, 2024
Great book! Very insightful!
August 21, 2024
I wish I would have had this book 15 years ago. It is life changing. Thank you, Dr. Leonard. I will sleep with it under my pillow.
September 26, 2024
Very well written and I really enjoyed reading this! Definitely recommend this book.
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