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Lives in the Shadow with J. Krishnamurti
"For nearly half a century the charismatic, strikingly handsome spiritual teacher J. Krishnamurti gathered an enormous following throughout Europe, India, Australia and North America. From the age of eighteen he was the forerunner of the type of iconoclasm that would bring immediate fame to cult figures in the late twentieth century. Yet recent biographies have left large areas of his life in mystifying darkness.
This, however, is no ordinary study of Krishnamurti, for it is written by one whose earliest memories are dominated by his presence as a doting second father—tolerant of pranks and pets, playful and diligent. For over two decades in their Ojai
California haven, where Aldous Huxley and other pacifists found respite during the war years,’Krinsh’ developed his philosophical message. He also placed himself at the centre of her parents’ Rosalind and Rajagopal’s marriage.
In a spirit of tenderness, fairness, objective inquiry, and no little remorse, the author traces the rise of Krishnamurti from obscurity in India by selection of the Theosophical Society to be the vehicle of a new incarnation of their world teacher. Breaking from Theosophy, Krishnamurti inspired his own following, retaining the dedication of his longtime friend Rajagopal, himself highly educated, to oversee all practicalities and the editing and publication of his writings.
How this bond of trust was breached and became clouded in confusion with a new wave of devoteeism lies at the heart of this extraordinary story. So does a portrait of intense romantic intimacy and the conundrum of Krishnamurti’s own complex character."
This, however, is no ordinary study of Krishnamurti, for it is written by one whose earliest memories are dominated by his presence as a doting second father—tolerant of pranks and pets, playful and diligent. For over two decades in their Ojai
California haven, where Aldous Huxley and other pacifists found respite during the war years,’Krinsh’ developed his philosophical message. He also placed himself at the centre of her parents’ Rosalind and Rajagopal’s marriage.
In a spirit of tenderness, fairness, objective inquiry, and no little remorse, the author traces the rise of Krishnamurti from obscurity in India by selection of the Theosophical Society to be the vehicle of a new incarnation of their world teacher. Breaking from Theosophy, Krishnamurti inspired his own following, retaining the dedication of his longtime friend Rajagopal, himself highly educated, to oversee all practicalities and the editing and publication of his writings.
How this bond of trust was breached and became clouded in confusion with a new wave of devoteeism lies at the heart of this extraordinary story. So does a portrait of intense romantic intimacy and the conundrum of Krishnamurti’s own complex character."
372 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 2, 1991
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 31, 2019
What a great read! I found the author’s story engaging, touching, human and spiritually mature. Going in I was concerned what Rajagopal had to share would ruin Krishnamurti’s teachings for me. While what she shared did deliver a perspective that has Krishnamurti no longer be a whole and complete embodiment of his teachings, surprisingly her story actually elevated the value of his teachings for me.
The first hand account of who and how Krinsh was as a father figure for Rajagopal speaks volumes. As a parent, I know the challenges of the home context. Her account of the consistency and uniqueness of Krinsh’s character in this way affirms for me the function of his teachings in setting one free.
Additionally, and even more importantly, taking Krishnamurti off the pedestal of perfect freedom makes his teachings more accessible for me. Obviously intellectually and consciously I did not and do not hold him (or anyone) as perfectly enlightened, but undoubtedly there is always some unconscious part of us that projects in this way. This projection obfuscates our own capacity to move towards the perfection ourselves.
While, as I wrote above, I went into this book concerned that it would ruin Krisnamurti’s teachings for me, I knowingly went in anyway because I know there is always some projection happening outside of my awareness. For this reason, no matter the wisdom he may have to share, I will always choose to kill the Buddha when I meet him on the road. There is nothing I can learn from the Buddha when I see him as that.
From reading this, Krishnamurti’s teachings have come to life even more for me. Rajagopal has given me something Krishnamurti never did - a reason to follow his advice of not to follow him.
The first hand account of who and how Krinsh was as a father figure for Rajagopal speaks volumes. As a parent, I know the challenges of the home context. Her account of the consistency and uniqueness of Krinsh’s character in this way affirms for me the function of his teachings in setting one free.
Additionally, and even more importantly, taking Krishnamurti off the pedestal of perfect freedom makes his teachings more accessible for me. Obviously intellectually and consciously I did not and do not hold him (or anyone) as perfectly enlightened, but undoubtedly there is always some unconscious part of us that projects in this way. This projection obfuscates our own capacity to move towards the perfection ourselves.
While, as I wrote above, I went into this book concerned that it would ruin Krisnamurti’s teachings for me, I knowingly went in anyway because I know there is always some projection happening outside of my awareness. For this reason, no matter the wisdom he may have to share, I will always choose to kill the Buddha when I meet him on the road. There is nothing I can learn from the Buddha when I see him as that.
From reading this, Krishnamurti’s teachings have come to life even more for me. Rajagopal has given me something Krishnamurti never did - a reason to follow his advice of not to follow him.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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August 11, 2016“If you want to lose your faith, make friends with a priest.” ― G.I. Gurdjieff
April 18, 2023
This was a fascinating portrait of a man I had only heard of in connection to other people I had read about, namely Aldous Huxley and some of the early history of metaphysics in America. While I had a hard time getting into his teachings directly--teachings which seemed a fairly boring, secularly human retread of the Dharma to me--I tore through this book. While the author does have a small axe to grind against Krishnamurti, for the most part this was more of a fly on the wall experience of living with such a spiritual and philosophical luminary throughout the dramatic changes of the 20th century. I felt she went out of her way to be pretty fair about him as a person, and unlike a few dirty post cult tell-alls I've read, this one comes across as more of a romantic tragedy than anything else. Krishnamurti did the best he could with the strange, fortuitous, yet limiting hand he was dealt in life, a hand that led him to a deep inner division within himself.
January 11, 2008
This is a sort of familial biography dealing with the author's parents lives, which were intertwined with that of J. Krishnamurti. The earliest chapters are utterly engrossing, particularly for students of the early twentieth century, early Hollywood and its literary figures, and those charmed by old, weird Southern California arcana.
What I appreciated most was the way in which Radha (whom I actually know--but I honestly do not think my love of her book is biased by our friendship) travels from an historical birdseye view of Krishnamurti and her father being tapped by the Theosophists to her own earliest memories of both men and their relationships with her mother. It is seamless in its execution.
Further, she deals with material that would be extraordinarily charged for anyone who had lived through the events described, but she does so without rancor and with humanity and equanimity.
What I appreciated most was the way in which Radha (whom I actually know--but I honestly do not think my love of her book is biased by our friendship) travels from an historical birdseye view of Krishnamurti and her father being tapped by the Theosophists to her own earliest memories of both men and their relationships with her mother. It is seamless in its execution.
Further, she deals with material that would be extraordinarily charged for anyone who had lived through the events described, but she does so without rancor and with humanity and equanimity.
April 14, 2019
The book is well written and documented. It comes across as unbiased and seems to present a fair description and appraisal of the characters involved in the story, especially Krishnamurti. As such, it may be a shock to followers of Krishnamurti and his teachings as it exposes his various character flaws and his lengthy sexual affair with the author's mother resulting in a string of abortions and a miscarriage. This would not be unexpected if it were the history of a Hollywood star or some tycoon. However, this is the story of a man who posed as the "world teacher", claiming he was an enlightened person transmitting a sacred message to mankind. If this is enlightenment, who needs it, who would even want it?
May 1, 2017
"I have been talking for 40/60 years and no one has heard a word I said". This includes Krishnamrti.
February 1, 2020
interesting read but the authors apparent bitterness ruined it for me.The way quotes were bent and her looking for any opportunity to push the reader to her view made this at times seem more like historical fiction.some parts were really great and to get a glimpse into krishnamurtis real life was a treat.yet it seemed like the author wanted to blame him for her family issues while her parents could do no wrong.would say it's a must read for any krishnamurti fan but take it with a grain of salt.
July 16, 2014
Profound cautionary tale. I loved Krishnamurti in my youth, but this helped me see ...
Along with one other book which I have reviewed here: http://corjesusacratissimum.org/2009/...
Along with one other book which I have reviewed here: http://corjesusacratissimum.org/2009/...
August 4, 2024
DID KRISHNAMURTI HAVE A SECRET 25-YEAR AFFAIR?
In this 1991 book, Radha Rajagopal Sloss (daughter of former Krishnamurti associates Rosalind and Desikacharya [Raja] Rajagopal) wrote of Krishnamurti's 25-year affair with her mother. She states in the Preface, "This is not only the story of one person. It is the story of the relationships of J. Krishnamurti and people closely involved with him, especially... my mother and father, and of the consequences of this involvement on their lives." (Pg. ix)
She notes, Predictably, Krishna failed the entrance examinations for Oxford. The university made it clear in any case that it preferred not to include a messiah in the student body. This was the first of Krishna's academic disappointments and it would have an influence on his attitude toward intellectual endeavor." (Pg. 36)
She observes, "Theosophists of that period believed in sublimating sex, even within marriage. It was certainly assumed that Krishna would be chaste. At the age of twenty-seven he had never had a fulfilled love relationship... Helen Knothe (the recently widowed Mrs. Scott Nearing) stated that she and Krishna has sometimes lain together in bed but had never had sex. She doubted that he ever had sex with anyone." (Pg. 56) Of the affair, she wrote, "[Rosalind] came to realize that [Krishna] had been playing the role of her own child's father for some months and had lavished on her all the care and solicitude of a passionate and fond husband---a role from which Raja appeared to have withdrawn, enabling Rosalind to slip into a love affair that would last for more than twenty-five years... Krishna's actions are understandable, but not excusable in the context of his relationship with Raja, who had given his life to helping him. Nor were they excusable in the context of the chaste image he continued to project and was careful not to tarnish." (Pg. 117)
After Krishna's younger brother Nitya died in 1925, she suggests, "[Krisna] felt not only betrayed but doubtful of the Masters' very existence. It was the beginning of his overt break with Theosophy." (Pg. 79) Of Krishna's 1929 dissolution of the Order of the Star, she states, "nor did he specifically deny that he was the world teacher. If he had been willing quite simply to step aside or step down from the height on which [Charles] Leadbeater and Mrs. [Annie] Besant had placed him and stand as a mere human being on his own philosophy, a great deal of present and future confusion would have been avoided. But then, of course, he risked losing everything the Theosophical Society ... had willingly given him... [including] a sizeable international following." (Pg. 102)
She writes, "In early 1935 Rosalind discovered she was pregnant. She had been sternly warned that another childbirth would threaten her life. To Krishna's obvious relief, she decided not to have his child---for reasons of health rather than discretion... If Krishna felt any compunction for his responsibility in her ordeal, he did not show it beyond being kind and loving..." (Pg. 132) Later, she adds, "Raja became more than ever convinced that there were 'two Krishnas', the one who could speak with such insight about the human condition, and the other shadowy Krishna who could deceive and betray a man upon whom he depended and then beg his forgiveness without any intention of rectifying matters... Some day Rosalind would arrive at a similar conclusion." (Pg. 221) Later, she notes, "[Rosalind] was deeply disturbed by the contradictions in his life; the devotees and adulation which he appeared to enjoy on one side of the globe while decrying them on the other." (Pg. 254)
This is a fascinating---if controversial---and not entirely unsympathetic portrait of Krishnamurti. (For a critique of her view, see Mary Lutyens' book, 'Krishnamurti and the Rajagopals.') Anyone wanting to know more of Krishnamurti the man will be highly interested in this book.
In this 1991 book, Radha Rajagopal Sloss (daughter of former Krishnamurti associates Rosalind and Desikacharya [Raja] Rajagopal) wrote of Krishnamurti's 25-year affair with her mother. She states in the Preface, "This is not only the story of one person. It is the story of the relationships of J. Krishnamurti and people closely involved with him, especially... my mother and father, and of the consequences of this involvement on their lives." (Pg. ix)
She notes, Predictably, Krishna failed the entrance examinations for Oxford. The university made it clear in any case that it preferred not to include a messiah in the student body. This was the first of Krishna's academic disappointments and it would have an influence on his attitude toward intellectual endeavor." (Pg. 36)
She observes, "Theosophists of that period believed in sublimating sex, even within marriage. It was certainly assumed that Krishna would be chaste. At the age of twenty-seven he had never had a fulfilled love relationship... Helen Knothe (the recently widowed Mrs. Scott Nearing) stated that she and Krishna has sometimes lain together in bed but had never had sex. She doubted that he ever had sex with anyone." (Pg. 56) Of the affair, she wrote, "[Rosalind] came to realize that [Krishna] had been playing the role of her own child's father for some months and had lavished on her all the care and solicitude of a passionate and fond husband---a role from which Raja appeared to have withdrawn, enabling Rosalind to slip into a love affair that would last for more than twenty-five years... Krishna's actions are understandable, but not excusable in the context of his relationship with Raja, who had given his life to helping him. Nor were they excusable in the context of the chaste image he continued to project and was careful not to tarnish." (Pg. 117)
After Krishna's younger brother Nitya died in 1925, she suggests, "[Krisna] felt not only betrayed but doubtful of the Masters' very existence. It was the beginning of his overt break with Theosophy." (Pg. 79) Of Krishna's 1929 dissolution of the Order of the Star, she states, "nor did he specifically deny that he was the world teacher. If he had been willing quite simply to step aside or step down from the height on which [Charles] Leadbeater and Mrs. [Annie] Besant had placed him and stand as a mere human being on his own philosophy, a great deal of present and future confusion would have been avoided. But then, of course, he risked losing everything the Theosophical Society ... had willingly given him... [including] a sizeable international following." (Pg. 102)
She writes, "In early 1935 Rosalind discovered she was pregnant. She had been sternly warned that another childbirth would threaten her life. To Krishna's obvious relief, she decided not to have his child---for reasons of health rather than discretion... If Krishna felt any compunction for his responsibility in her ordeal, he did not show it beyond being kind and loving..." (Pg. 132) Later, she adds, "Raja became more than ever convinced that there were 'two Krishnas', the one who could speak with such insight about the human condition, and the other shadowy Krishna who could deceive and betray a man upon whom he depended and then beg his forgiveness without any intention of rectifying matters... Some day Rosalind would arrive at a similar conclusion." (Pg. 221) Later, she notes, "[Rosalind] was deeply disturbed by the contradictions in his life; the devotees and adulation which he appeared to enjoy on one side of the globe while decrying them on the other." (Pg. 254)
This is a fascinating---if controversial---and not entirely unsympathetic portrait of Krishnamurti. (For a critique of her view, see Mary Lutyens' book, 'Krishnamurti and the Rajagopals.') Anyone wanting to know more of Krishnamurti the man will be highly interested in this book.
June 4, 2025
When I was 20 in 1981 I bought a book by J. Krishnamuriti in a Barnes and Noble bookstore called "Think on These Things." This was my introduction to Eastern philosophy. In the past 50 years I have often noted that my biggest influence outside of immediate family was Krishnamurti. I even flew from NY to the Krishnamurti Institute in Ojai, California for workshops, albeit a few years after he had died. K's teachings have made a lasting impression. I still have a deep distrust of nationalism. I elevate careful observation and feel judgment is a vice. Organized religion corrupts. The way to peace is internal, not through any outward activities. Love is universal, not dependent on any object. From K I explored Buddhism, and ended up moving to Japan in 1997. I'm still here.
In one sense, the man Krishnamuriti doesn't really matter; what matters is the teachings, and how we can apply them to our lives. I always felt, through his books and VHS, that K was talking to me directly. I credit him for much of what is good in my inner life and relationships. But in another sense, the man mattered. After all, he was beyond desire, above suffering, a living example of egolessness. We can attain that too! Sloss' book calls these latter assumptions under serious question. If half, or even a quarter of what she writes is true, K did not seem to live an enlightened life. Sloss grew up with K; he was like a father to her. For sure, the portrait she paints is far from diabolical. He was to her, in many ways, kind and gentle. But she leaves little doubt that had needs, and fears, and a vindictive side. While many assumed K was celibate, he actually had a well-documented decades-long affair with the author's mother--who was married to the man K would try to destroy, apparently unfairly. True, Sloss has a bit of an ax to grind. But her integrity and efforts to be fair are easy to detect. Reading this book was somewhat bubble-bursting. Krishnamuriti, at least in some ways, was seemingly an unimpressive man, gossiping, showing no gratitude, bringing about frivolous lawsuits, enjoying fast cars, fine clothes, and beautiful women. He was human, very human after all. In the end, the teachings still stand; readers can make of it what they like. For me, there's no turning back; they are baked into my life, and for that I have great gratitude.
In one sense, the man Krishnamuriti doesn't really matter; what matters is the teachings, and how we can apply them to our lives. I always felt, through his books and VHS, that K was talking to me directly. I credit him for much of what is good in my inner life and relationships. But in another sense, the man mattered. After all, he was beyond desire, above suffering, a living example of egolessness. We can attain that too! Sloss' book calls these latter assumptions under serious question. If half, or even a quarter of what she writes is true, K did not seem to live an enlightened life. Sloss grew up with K; he was like a father to her. For sure, the portrait she paints is far from diabolical. He was to her, in many ways, kind and gentle. But she leaves little doubt that had needs, and fears, and a vindictive side. While many assumed K was celibate, he actually had a well-documented decades-long affair with the author's mother--who was married to the man K would try to destroy, apparently unfairly. True, Sloss has a bit of an ax to grind. But her integrity and efforts to be fair are easy to detect. Reading this book was somewhat bubble-bursting. Krishnamuriti, at least in some ways, was seemingly an unimpressive man, gossiping, showing no gratitude, bringing about frivolous lawsuits, enjoying fast cars, fine clothes, and beautiful women. He was human, very human after all. In the end, the teachings still stand; readers can make of it what they like. For me, there's no turning back; they are baked into my life, and for that I have great gratitude.
July 14, 2021
After reading Lives in the Shadows Krishnamurti can be seen as a simple human being, beyond the aura of a Guru he was surrounded with, during his lifetime. He had his own limitations and weaknesses, but (now one can see how) those limitations and weaknesses bring him even more close to life. There are certain allegations against him about his affair with author's mother (and how he made her pregnant 3 times!), how we lied about so many things, and how we did not live his own teachings. Since the author has spent her whole childhood with Krishnamurti and has grown up being in his vicinity, her story sounds pretty authentic. Still I could not bring myself to believe in everything that she had to say about Krishnamurti, while respecting her point of view. She does not sound too bitter, and in fact presents a very balanced view, keeping in mind the circumstances and perspectives of Krishnamurti and the individuals involved with him. I really liked her homage to him in the last pages of the book. (She used to lovingly call him Krinsh) :-
"To Krinsh I feel grateful for many things. From earliest childhood he taught me to be free from the desperate seeking and searching for respectability and security, for gurus and masters and ideologies. I learned from him that comparisons and labels lead to prejudice and unhappiness, that conformity leads to mediocre imitation, that there can be no freedom where there is guilt or fear. He let me be free from him and taught me not to be afraid to wander in a pathless land."
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