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I Want to Connect: Rewire Your Nervous System for Stress Resilience and Secure Attachment
256 pages, Paperback
Published May 14, 2024
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40 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
May 23, 2024
I have just finished reading a preview of the book "I want to connect" by Annie Chen. The author gave the opportunity to read to book for free before it is out for sale in exchange for a review. She also provided a list of questions as a guideline to write, of which I will use some as well. There is no obstacle to writing an honest review, however I did want to give the context as I'm not in the habit of writing book reviews.
What's it about? The book is divided in 3 parts, starting with getting the reader familiarized with the nervous system and attachment theory, moving on to how to support your nervous system and ending with how to connect with other people of course. It is important to mention that the book really is a workbook. The theory is kept to the bare minimum in order to understand why and how to do the exercises. As I am very familiar with this content, this was not an issue for me. However, I do not find it sufficient for someone new to this topic and would recommend additional reading before doing the exercises as certain nuances can be easily overlooked. Or alternatively, follow along with the guidance of a skilled therapist. Certainly, I would also recommend doing a full read first, and then going back to work through it slowly, as some warnings are sometimes given after the exercises. In general however, a lot of care is given to frame all the exercises in a safe manner and regular reminders to keep a certain mindset.
Was it helpful? As an additional workbook to the theory, it is certainly helpful because it provides easy lists with options to try, lots of very concrete examples where appropriate. I would use it as a good-to if in need of inspiration for new exercise to try or just to remind myself the many options out there. I find the final part of the book most helpful for me personally, as i am already familiar with most exercises. This focused on communication with other people from a nervous system perspective. The very concrete examples and sentences made it very helpful and practical.
How were the exercises? I was familiar with all of them and find them very useful and explained very well.
Easy to read? Well organized? Both easy to read and well writen, despite to complex topic, and well organized and structured. I would still recommended reading it in full first, before starting the exercises. Also the lettertype and spacing is comfortable, as well as a good variety in text vs examples. There is space in the book to write out answers to prompts and it invites to really use it as a workbook. Every part and chapter starts with a clear overview of what will be covered and there is a nice and concise summary at the back as well.
Who should read it? I would recommend it to people already familiar with the topic. Do not expect a lot of theory, it really is a workbook and needs to be seen as an additional book for exercises and concrete examples. If new to the topic, it could still be valuable to get an overview of how one can use the theory in practice. I think it would also be a good book for professionals to use as a template to work with their clients.
I found the final part, on how to use your nervous system to create connection, the most interesting and I would have loved more theory. The concrete examples are gold though. The only thing I missed in this part, although it is mentioned in a passing sentence, is knowing which part is the responsibility of you, and what belongs to the other. The focus is very much on what you can control, your own state, and how you can use your state to co-regulate the other person (as well as asking for what you need for co-regulation). In the final part on how to manage conflict, a bit more care should have been given to teaching, or even giving exercises, in how to identify situations where one needs to abandon attempts for co-regulation and listen to the nervous systems warning of threat. There is also no mention about other nervous states besides the well known fight/flight/freeze (like fawn) which can be very important when it comes to connecting with other people and navigating conflict. I feel like this part could use some more chapters.
To conclude, I would actual love this to be an additional workbook to an already existing book explaining the concepts in more detail and nuance. And while I do feel that in the last part, some additional chapters could be useful, one could also just ask for a second workbook focusing fully on conflict management from this perspective.
What's it about? The book is divided in 3 parts, starting with getting the reader familiarized with the nervous system and attachment theory, moving on to how to support your nervous system and ending with how to connect with other people of course. It is important to mention that the book really is a workbook. The theory is kept to the bare minimum in order to understand why and how to do the exercises. As I am very familiar with this content, this was not an issue for me. However, I do not find it sufficient for someone new to this topic and would recommend additional reading before doing the exercises as certain nuances can be easily overlooked. Or alternatively, follow along with the guidance of a skilled therapist. Certainly, I would also recommend doing a full read first, and then going back to work through it slowly, as some warnings are sometimes given after the exercises. In general however, a lot of care is given to frame all the exercises in a safe manner and regular reminders to keep a certain mindset.
Was it helpful? As an additional workbook to the theory, it is certainly helpful because it provides easy lists with options to try, lots of very concrete examples where appropriate. I would use it as a good-to if in need of inspiration for new exercise to try or just to remind myself the many options out there. I find the final part of the book most helpful for me personally, as i am already familiar with most exercises. This focused on communication with other people from a nervous system perspective. The very concrete examples and sentences made it very helpful and practical.
How were the exercises? I was familiar with all of them and find them very useful and explained very well.
Easy to read? Well organized? Both easy to read and well writen, despite to complex topic, and well organized and structured. I would still recommended reading it in full first, before starting the exercises. Also the lettertype and spacing is comfortable, as well as a good variety in text vs examples. There is space in the book to write out answers to prompts and it invites to really use it as a workbook. Every part and chapter starts with a clear overview of what will be covered and there is a nice and concise summary at the back as well.
Who should read it? I would recommend it to people already familiar with the topic. Do not expect a lot of theory, it really is a workbook and needs to be seen as an additional book for exercises and concrete examples. If new to the topic, it could still be valuable to get an overview of how one can use the theory in practice. I think it would also be a good book for professionals to use as a template to work with their clients.
I found the final part, on how to use your nervous system to create connection, the most interesting and I would have loved more theory. The concrete examples are gold though. The only thing I missed in this part, although it is mentioned in a passing sentence, is knowing which part is the responsibility of you, and what belongs to the other. The focus is very much on what you can control, your own state, and how you can use your state to co-regulate the other person (as well as asking for what you need for co-regulation). In the final part on how to manage conflict, a bit more care should have been given to teaching, or even giving exercises, in how to identify situations where one needs to abandon attempts for co-regulation and listen to the nervous systems warning of threat. There is also no mention about other nervous states besides the well known fight/flight/freeze (like fawn) which can be very important when it comes to connecting with other people and navigating conflict. I feel like this part could use some more chapters.
To conclude, I would actual love this to be an additional workbook to an already existing book explaining the concepts in more detail and nuance. And while I do feel that in the last part, some additional chapters could be useful, one could also just ask for a second workbook focusing fully on conflict management from this perspective.
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May 21, 2024A wonderful book! Annie Chen explains complex ideas, like polyvagal theory and attachment theory, in ways that are brief and easy to understand. I love her visual maps that show how the three parts of nervous system operate both separately and in tandem to create different autonomic states on a continuum from safety to threat. This blew wide open my understanding of nervous system activation.
The basic premise of the book is two-fold: Our stress and trauma histories impact our relationships; and we can help ourselves and our partners, friends, and colleagues to feel calmer, safer, and more connected. I knew the first part from my own relationships and from 40 years working with individuals, couples, and groups in conflict. The second part, though, is revolutionary and brings hope and tools to relationships and practitioners.
I Want to Connect is creatively written. I enjoyed the metaphor of our nervous system playing different kinds of music depending on our sense of safety, and the possibility of tuning our instruments before communicating in order to regulate ourselves and help co-regulate another person.
This workbook is filled with exercises that are straightforward and incredibly helpful. The “Patience and Progress” sections (at the end of each chapter) help me stave off the part of me that thinks I’m not doing it right. They help me to see the progress I am making and give me a sense of what I can look forward to as I continue these practices.
The basic premise of the book is two-fold: Our stress and trauma histories impact our relationships; and we can help ourselves and our partners, friends, and colleagues to feel calmer, safer, and more connected. I knew the first part from my own relationships and from 40 years working with individuals, couples, and groups in conflict. The second part, though, is revolutionary and brings hope and tools to relationships and practitioners.
I Want to Connect is creatively written. I enjoyed the metaphor of our nervous system playing different kinds of music depending on our sense of safety, and the possibility of tuning our instruments before communicating in order to regulate ourselves and help co-regulate another person.
This workbook is filled with exercises that are straightforward and incredibly helpful. The “Patience and Progress” sections (at the end of each chapter) help me stave off the part of me that thinks I’m not doing it right. They help me to see the progress I am making and give me a sense of what I can look forward to as I continue these practices.
May 29, 2024
I just finished reading the “i want to connect “ book by Annie Chen.Released May 2024. She shares insights from varied experiences & feelings with your physiology & neuro responses. All in very understandable ways. She explains how Friction with others can play out. She refers to our “filter” , through which our reactions occur. Our overlapping states can be Non -exploratory or curious.
I loved these recommendations::
1. Let your guard down & still feel safe. 2. Don’t crowd the plate! Her ideas for dealing with adversity were exceptional. This is a must read if you want to Connect well & More often.
It is both a reference book and a workbook, depending on your level of knowledge. It allows the reader to delve into their own experiences using the various states. The illustrations of the range of feelings were effective. So much knowledge to access and digest over time. Whether you’re new to the PolyVagal theory or not, there is much to be gained from this book. I think you will refer to it often.
I loved these recommendations::
1. Let your guard down & still feel safe. 2. Don’t crowd the plate! Her ideas for dealing with adversity were exceptional. This is a must read if you want to Connect well & More often.
It is both a reference book and a workbook, depending on your level of knowledge. It allows the reader to delve into their own experiences using the various states. The illustrations of the range of feelings were effective. So much knowledge to access and digest over time. Whether you’re new to the PolyVagal theory or not, there is much to be gained from this book. I think you will refer to it often.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews