Good Girl Deprogramming: Unleash The Rebel Within

by Michelle Minnikin, Ceryn Rowntree (foreword)

In 2023's Barbie Movie, America Ferrera's iconic speech magically deprogrammed the Barbies from patriarchy. And now Michelle Minnikin is here to do the same for women of the real world. From our first days on Earth, we're taught what it means to be a Good Girl. Look good, be nice, stay quiet, and take care of everyone else... The list goes on, and at the heart of it all, one message shines Do as you're told or pay the price. In Good Girl Deprogramming, Michelle shines a light on the sinister nature, tactics and tricks of coercive control that not only program us to be Good Girls but keep us in that mindset for the years, decades, and generations that follow. With ferocity, empathy, and just enough humour to prevent the idea of being brainwashed by patriarchy too depressing, Michelle shares stories, facts and actionable advice that empowers women to break free from our own programming and rediscover who we truly are. Good Girl Deprogramming isn't just a book, it's a movement. One that takes each of us by the hand and invites us to step into the life that is powerfully, beautifully and unapologetically yours. Are you in?




"Reading this book feels like having a conversation with a hilarious and impossibly wise friend. This could be the most important book you and the women in your life read. It stops here, with us."- Kate Hargreaves, CEO and Management Consultant, Mosaic Partners




"I love this relatable and hilarious book by Michelle. It's a thought-provoking read that prompts self-reflection and change through its engaging exercises. I want to share it with all my friends to help them break free."- Dr Hannah Bryan, Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Consultant




"Wow. What a read... I feel seen. I feel heard... I'm ready to shake off the shackles of a good girl and be a rebel! Not your normal book. It's a must for your bookshelf!"- Nat Hunt, OD and Systems Lead

 

"F*ck me, I wish I'd written this book. You'll never be the same again after reading it. Big statement? That's because this isn't a book, it's a new world order."- Fiona Kearns, Business Psychologist




"I learnt so much about myself through the questions and concepts in this book, it's been very eye opening. Michelle is tackling such an important subject, with her characteristic good humour and pirate tactics."- Alex Barker, Be More Pirate




"I wish I'd had access to Good Girl Deprogramming thirty years ago. In the nineties we were assured women had equal opportunity. They didn't, and they still don't. The true potential of women is consistently withheld by societal norms and Michelle Minnikin helps readers see both the water they swim in and the myriad ways in which they've constrained themselves to appease and comply. Awareness is empowerment. Together we rise."- Cathryn Barnard, Managing Director, Working the Future




Michelle Minnikin is a Chartered Psychologist, Coach and author with over 20 years of experience in leadership and organisational development, employee selection and assessment, coaching, and personal development. Michelle has a passion for transformative change. She is dedicated to helping women design their own ideal lives, guiding them towards greater clarity, purpose, and fulfilment. Michelle's own journey towards her Good Girl Deprogramming started with her ADHD diagnosis in December 2020, a revelation that brought clarity and understanding to her life.

Genres: Psychology

345 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 24, 2023

Reviews

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think every woman deep down knows this, but still, it's great to feel validated!

This book is a fascinating look in the issue of society training women to be 'good' from the age of birth to be meek, mild, quiet little girls who avoid conflict and appease the 'norm'.

An example of this was when Michelle used a table within her book to list characteristics of being a 'Powerful Woman' verses characteristics of being 'A Complete B*tch'... they were generally the same, which makes you question everything and whether we as women can't 'win' either way?

Ultimately, deprogramming ourselves is the Rebel response to this dilemma so that we can be free of what society expects from us and to be powerful and confident enough to be what WE want us to be.

The book is a remarkable view on a subject that is readily and socially accepted and definitely a fantastic read for any woman on any part of their deprogramming journey.

I will personally be revisiting this book again for both myself and also for my daughter.

The tone of this book is fantastic as you really feel like you are in a coffee shop, with your favourite coffee and cake and just having a chat with Michelle!

A fantastic and fascinating read - highly recommend! ☕️🍰

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

[Nelli Lakatos · Rating 3 out of 5]

“𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓅𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓃 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒸𝓊𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝒻𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃. 𝒲𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒶𝑔𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝑒𝒶𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇. 𝒫𝑜𝓈𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒻𝓁𝒾𝒸𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓊𝓈𝑒𝒻𝓊𝓁; 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝓃𝑒𝒸𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒶𝓇𝓎.“

Good Girl Deprogramming was an empowering and inspiring read.

I think deep down every woman knows this but this book was a great reminder to live life to the fullest and never let anyone tell us that we are not capable or good enough.

There are so many takeaways from this book, great discussions and deep insights. There is one line I really like out of the many I highlighted is “ℐ 𝓌𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝒻𝒾𝓍 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝒶𝒸𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓍𝑒𝒹! - such a powerful and meaningful line.

Overall I liked this book, it’s definitely worth a read and I would highly recommend it to everyone, especially to women.

[Cat Pearce · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book had been available to read 35 years ago. It's pithy and poignant and I'm going to be gifting it to my girlfriends.

[Carrie Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michelle put so. much work into this book so we, as women can put the work into ourselves to live full, authentic and amazing lives. Her perspective and enthusiasm to empower women is inspiring and igniting. I highly recommend this book for every woman!

[Lívia Hlavačková · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75* rounded to 4. Generally insightful book, I highlighted a couple of thoughts and ideas. Some of the things written in the book were not new thanks to other books I read on similar topics. I liked how it compared the Good Girl conditioning by the society to manipulation tactics used in brainwashing victims. I think many Good Girls would find it helpful to read this book (no shoulds!). So, if this topic is relevant to you and you're thinking of buying the book, give it a try. I think it's worth the money.

Why I didn't give the book full 5*? It's more of a personal taste, you may not be bothered by the same. When I read any bold claims I prefer knowing if they are supported by research, author's professional/personal experience or if they represent author's worldview (either of that is fine for me, as long as I understand where the claim is coming from). This was sometimes clear and other times wasn't. Additionally, I thought, by the end of the book, that the author kept repeating the same thing again and again. It seemed intentional, actually, sometimes the author even stated that it is intentional. However, that didn't work well with me.

Overall, the book provides very interesting insight and ideas and is worth reading.

[Daisy Bee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good Girl Deprogramming was fascinating and insightful and the author's passion shines through on every page. This is not a manifesto for hating men. It's a call to arms to change the world one step at a time.

Written in a way that makes it accessible to all, it's not an easy read obviously. Women suffer and society's conditioning - the rules if you like - pervade every aspect of our lives. We internalise messages and experiences, and somehow blame ourselves. It keeps us passive and afraid.

What Michelle does, is give us the facts and the encouragement to heal our personal scars, and to unite as women to fight the injustice. She implores us to love and support ourselves and each other. Because the infighting is what the patriarchy wants. Those who stand to gain from our passivity are terrified by what we could achieve if we rose up together and made small changes together.

I truly believe this is an important book, now more than ever. We can all do our part to be the kind of person who calls out inequality, who lifts other women up instead of tearing them down, and who focuses energy on self-compassion instead of believing we're not worthy.

Talk about this book. Share this book. Give your son a mini-lecture when he talks about history as his chosen subject for Uni (😂) Raise daughters to be less apologetic and more assertive. Validate feelings and encourage self-care.

There's no doubt that there are chapters more triggering than others, and this is why the author encourages reading with supportive friends. There's takeaways at the end of each section and questions for discussion which make it perfect for a book group.

[James Eves · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that will change the world.

For full disclosure, Michelle – the author – is my partner.

I am writing a review as I have lived through the 2+ years of effort and work that have gone into writing this book.

I have witnessed first-hand all of the passion, research, soul-searching, painful memories, injustices, empowering stories, and numerous drafts to get to a launch.

Plus, the countless stories of women in the pilot reading group and what this book gave them in processing their own lives and what to work on as part of their development.

If you are looking for a way to get started on changing your own life, kick start another woman’s transformation, or a corporate looking to support your present/future female leaders programmes, then this is it.

I genuinely see this as not just a book, but a movement that will impact the world and the lives of many women and girls. And society as a whole.

Having read it, I’d also recommend this for any man also.

We may not have had to experience all of the same societal conditioning as women, yet this will help open eyes as to how we can help in changing our own behaviours, and the systems that perpetuate oppression and disadvantage.

Well worth a read and getting involved in a much-needed societal change.

[LoseYourselfInABook · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️
First of all I’d like to say a big hats off to Michelle Minnikin! Equality for every woman? We’re not quite there yet! Michelle has perfectly described what it can be like to be a woman, what is at many times expected of us as a woman and indeed what we can do about being the woman we want to be! Easy you may think. Indeed you might already think you are that woman, but on reading this, maybe not as much the woman you’d like to be or could be? Definitely not should be!
This book is written with much humour, many interesting, hard hitting and at times incredibly upsetting facts.
She writes with passion which shines through with every word. At times this is a very difficult read and I doubt very much if there’s any woman out there who does not experience the entire gamut of emotions whilst reading the book. As a woman you will have so many questions answered, so many questions to ask and so many answers to go looking for.
The book in one word: Empowering!
I’ve never been very good at believing in being “a good girl”. Even less so now!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Katie B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michelle Minnikin's writing is truly captivating. From the very first page, her words have the power to enrapture and mesmerize readers. With each page turn, her fearless and unapologetic style stimulates the mind, moves the soul, and touches the heart. Her insightful wisdom is like precious gems, carefully noted for later reflection. This book is nothing short of a treasure trove, overflowing with timeless wisdom.

"Good Girl Deprogramming" by Minnikin explores the societal expectations placed on women and offers a transformative journey of self-discovery. Minnikin provides a roadmap to deprogram oneself from societal norms, challenging readers to question expectations and redefine their own narratives. The book is both confronting and uplifting, offering actionable steps and exercises to guide readers towards tangible change. The practical approach makes the insights gained from the book applicable to real-life scenarios.

[Siobhain · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good Girl Deprogramming is an interesting book that definitely is worth a read. I think it is one of those books that you need time to work through, not that the writing is difficult, Minnikin’s writing is engaging and easy to follow, but the concept, as the author accepts, can be jarring. I will personally be re-reading in the future.


As I already mentioned the writing is one thing I really enjoyed about this book. Sometimes self-help books can come off a little preachy in style. Telling rather than guiding. Minnikin’s style is the opposite of this. I love that she even states that not everything will be for everyone. On top of this the tone is extremely conversational in the sense that you feel like you are discussing these issues and not being told.
All in all this can be a little heavy at times, realising how much we have been programmed, but it is an extremely helpful, well researched and well written self-help book.

[Yvette Garcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

God Girl Deprogramming by Michelle Minnikin is a MUST read!!! This book is about finding the rebel inside and letting it free. It’s about letting go of the societal constrides.

Growing up we don’t realize how much society is telling us what to wear, how to look, and that we need to be skinny. This book was such an eye opener that we didn’t even realize we were being told.

My favorite quote was “Control is the opposite of love. We only control what we don’t trust.��� Learning to say no is my biggest struggle but I’m slowly learning. I can’t wait to share this book with not only my daughter but my friends as well. I was given this book as an ARC to read and give my honest thoughts and opinions. This is a must read and prepare to have your eyes and mind opened.

[Dee Coxon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A cosmic collision of audacity and vulnerability. Michelle Minnikin dances through the pages with words that are both battle a cry and a soul-soothing lullaby.

Like a cup of strong coffee infused with the wisdom of a thousand moonlit nights. Her voice speaks directly to the wild heart within, daring us to reject conformity and embrace the kaleidoscope of our being.

It's the kind of read that makes you want to put on a crown whilst kicking bushtit to the curb. This book says to me; It’s time to unleash your inner rebel and bask in your fierce, unapologetic glory.

I am so doing that! 👑

[kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an intriguing and interesting read that had a poignant message that I think all girls/women will resonate with and recognise as feeling within themselves, I know I did, and that is widely accepted as needing to change.

I found the idea that we programmed from childhood to effectively be good and everything that society expects women to be, sound so Victorian, but, the author is right it is still very much in effect today without people even realising it. Even if our parents are not establishing that into us, then society most definitely still is, through media, social media and so forth.

I loved the questions and so forth that was asked within the book that really made me look at myself and in to myself to find my rebel within, something that I loved doing. It was such an inspirational read and one that I will definitely dip back into time and time again.

[Johanna Waite · Rating 4 out of 5]

This took me a long time to read as the level of introspection and self reflection made it a slog at times, it's also a heavier read than I'm used to.
Much of the content wasn't new to me, I work in the female empowerment and education space, but understanding more about the history and psychology behind was interesting and working through the book did make me stop and think about how it applied to me specifically.
Michelle recommends reading the book with a group for support and warns that parts can be quite triggering, I didn't find this the case myself but can see how some might find it so.

[Lynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you feel you need permission to be yourself (spoiler alert - you don’t!) this is the book for you.
There’s not much in the book that I wasn’t already aware of, primarily in the context of intimate personal relationships, but Michelle’s dissection and application of these ideas and theories more broadly shines a very bright - and at times uncomfortable - light on societal (patriarchal) strategies that perpetuate and normalise the manipulation and subjugation of women and girls. Although covering many very serious, disturbing, upsetting and infuriating issues, Michelle’s reading style, with personal examples and anecdotes, helps to maintain a dynamic sense of possibility and hope.
The book is not a prescription but rather, raises questions and provides suggestions, ideas and permission (again, not needed) to be our authentic selves, and do what we will to change the world, one ‘good girl’ (or preferably two) at a time.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was a very insightful read and I feel like while I learned of many things I was equally reminded of things I could have been practicing for a long time.

It's not particularly evergreen but I think the message behind it was more important that if an anecdote didn't particularly vibe with me it didn't put me off the rest of the book.

[Hayley Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is brilliant. And once you’ve read it, you’ll never see things in the same way again.

[Selma Khenissi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely an eye-opener, but felt the need to take its contents with a grain of salt — just one grain of salt.