Tell Me My Story: Challenging the Narrative of Service Before Self

by Dimple D. Dhabalia

“It's time to start helping the helpers, Tell Me My Story shows us the way.” – Jonathan Fields, Founder of Good Life Project & bestselling author of SPARKEDThe work of serving others never ends, and it demands a great deal from those who take it on—more than they have to give, if they’re not careful. But helping others shouldn’t come at the cost of one’s own health and well-being.And yet, years of putting mission needs before their own, coupled with the impact of a global pandemic, has left many humanitarians across mission-driven fields struggling to acknowledge their pain and serve others at the same time. It’s left them languishing, exhausted, stressed out, burned out, traumatized, morally injured, depressed, anxious, and facing a seemingly impossible Them or me?Using moments from her own life and twenty-year humanitarian career, Dimple D. Dhabalia invites humanitarians to consider how choosing a path of service may provide powerful opportunities to reveal and heal wounds at the individual and organizational levels, while embracing their humanity through the stories of the people they serve.Part memoir and part manifesto, Tell Me My Story is one leader’s message of hope and offers a map to healing for those doing humanitarian work. It’s also a This service and the people who do it are crucial to our world, and we must equip, empower, and encourage them to work as the best version of themselves–for themselves, for their loved ones, and for the people they serve.“A must-read—not only for those who dedicate their lives to helping others, but for all who have a story in need of healing.” – Angela Bailey, Founder & CEO, Angela Bailey and Associates and Former Chief Human Capital Officer for the Department of Homeland Security

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

278 pages, Paperback

Published February 21, 2024

About the author

Dimple D. Dhabalia is a human-centered leadership coach and the founder of Roots in the Clouds.

Dimple partners with leaders in mission-driven organizations to address root issues and design inclusive, human-centered workplace cultures where emerging and seasoned leaders across humanitarian sectors can learn how to preserve their humanity as they work to preserve it for others.

After almost two decades working at the crossroads of the government and humanitarian sectors, Dimple had experienced vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, moral injury, burnout, and anxiety. Like so many others, she worked in an organization that celebrated the resilience of the human spirit in the refugees and displaced persons they served, while failing to extend the same ethos to those working within their own organizations.

Determined to educate and support heart-centered leaders, she developed and launched the Daring Leaders Project (DLP), the first mindfulness-based leadership development program of its kind within the federal government. Her vision and leadership earned her Director’s awards for Innovator of the Year and the Pillar of Leadership.

In 2021, Dimple launched Roots in the Clouds with a personal mission of putting the “human” back into humanitarian work. Today, Dimple’s cutting-edge work supports a holistic approach to addressing individual and organizational trauma and moral injury using mindfulness, positive psychology, and principles of human-centered leadership.

Her new book, Tell Me My Story–Challenging the Narrative of Service Before Self (Ambikia Media, February 21, 2024) is one leader’s message of hope, and a map to healing for those doing humanitarian work.

Reviews

[Rachel York · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dimple shares her journey of nearly two decades in humanitarian work, the implications of sacrificing herself in service of others and in the process asks the reader to better understand their own shaping and surviving stories. The book offers a call to action with a Humanitarian Manifesto for both individuals and leaders of organizations. An honest, thought-provoking and quite possibly life altering read that applies to all of us as humans in service to others.

[Jane H · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! The idea of service before self is deeply ingrained, starting with my work in the nonprofit field, and reinforced as a mother.

Dimple Dhabalia shares her own story and how she came to terms with her experiences and human-ness. She builds on her stories through research and a framework for all of us to take action now.

The book concludes with clear and detailed steps that individuals and organizations can take in order to engage in service without sacrifice, preserving our humanity and enabling us to do the work for the long haul.

Highly recommend for anyone in any service field.

[Sarah P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

''Tell Me My Story: Challenging the Narrative of Service Before Self '' is a beautiful must-read book dedicated to humanitarian professionals (I give it 5 stars). It doesn't matter if you're a doctor, social worker, missionary worker, police officer or lawyer--once you've dedicated your life to helping others, this book has a lot to offer you on a personal level. Dimple Dhabalia has created a valuable, elegantly written, and thoroughly researched book that sheds light on the personal experiences and challenges that humanitarian professionals face in their line of work. In reality, not every humanitarian worker will be able to "heal themselves" while selflessly serving others. In fact, due to the stressful nature of humanitarian work, many humanitarians may even need to address the crippling side effects of burnout, compassion fatigue, and deep-rooted trauma they experience while working to help others. As such, Dhabalia critically examines and addresses her own professional and personal experiences in this book, and encourages other humanitarian workers to do the same. She highlights the intense personal challenges that humanitarian professionals often encounter and she provides a way forward for them and the organizations they partner with. Inspirationally, she reminds humanitarians that as beacons of hope/professionals who dedicate themselves to improving the world, their personal wellness and self-care is also a crucial part of them being the best humanitarian worker that they can be. Essentially, if you've committed their life to serving others, and you need a book to help you to center yourself, then this may very well be the book for you. It is definitely worth the read.

[Amina Shafi Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m grateful that Dimple Dhabalia has put into words through narrative form, the challenges that humanitarians have both inside and outside the workplace. It recounts family stories interspersed with the actual work in the humanitarian sector but it also practices what it preaches, by reminding the reader to take a breath and pause and process what is being read. I appreciated the reminder to integrate these practices and as well as her framework for supporting humanitarians. This book is not only an offering, but an acknowledgment of the important contributions both individuals and the collective provide as humanitarians, the cost of that work, and concrete ways to move through the challenges as well. I know I will revisit this book as a favorite, both as a story as well as a resource.

[Nadia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was excited to read this book, as somebody that worked in the humanitarian field for a long time. This book is part memoir and part manifesto, it alerts us to where organizations in this field are lacking in taking care of those that take care of people. People in various jobs in many fields will be able to relate and see a call to action.

Dimple Dhabalia’s life story and family immigration and refugee history was fascinating to learn about - it links up well with why she was drawn to humanitarian work and helping people.

[Torey Ivanic · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book epitomizes the phrase “Be the change you want to see in the world.” As someone currently working in a non-profit that supports survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence, everything she recommends to support humanitarian workers makes sense and hits home. Now, can we collectively make it happen?

[Jim Huggler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing! This book should be required reading for law school students who over their careers will be encouraged to put their cases and clients before themselves. If lawyers of my generation and previous ones had this book, we would be a much healthier profession. Thank you Dimple for sharing your stories and allowing us to process our own stories.

[Indra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend that everyone read this book. I think everyone could get something out of it.

[Jon Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dimple Dhabalia has challenged the paradigm of the "nobility" of sacrifice in service to others in a powerful way. I could feel the weight of the stories she tells from her own life, and shares the lessons she learned the hard way, in order to help those in the humanitarian fields of endeavor understand that they need to care for themselves in order to be of help to others. She normalizes the internal struggle that humanitarian workers battle...the fight between selfishness and selflessness, in a simple yet compelling way, and provides pathways through the battlefield that one can walk in safety. It also provides a much needed window into a secret inner world that those closest to humanitarian workers rarely see.

[Shana Hormann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tell Me My Story is a timely and urgently needed book. Dhabalia describes the emotionally demanding struggles of living with traumatized individuals, working with organizations who deal with traumatized clients, and confronting the denial within family and organizational systems about the impacts of trauma. She repeatedly draws attention to the fact that people who are connected to others who have suffered trauma become traumatized from witnessing and internalizing others’ catastrophic experiences.

[Jennifer Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives those of us in nonprofit management - in any sector - the opportunity and guidance we need to rethink what it means to fulfill our Duty of Care responsibility. It provides practical, human-centered advice that can assist us in creating and rewarding healthy practices for our teams. If you want your organization and sector to thrive, I encourage you to join me in taking this book's recommendations to heart and implementing them in practice.

[Jennifer Laforce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Couldn't put this book down. The author seamlessly weaves her own story with bigger takeaways about the need to stop and think about what really motivates us and if those impulses truly serve us. Thought provoking, relatable, and with a timely message in our fast paced world. Finished the book and immediately repurchased it for a friend!

[Ellen Balis · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone doing healing or humanitarian work, this extraordinary and candid book should be required reading. It's a working prayer— helping you discover why you are on your path, and how to follow it with freedom, inner guidance, and self-acceptance.

[Radhika Miles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Caring for oneself in the workplace is closely examined in this book. Using a top down approach by teaching leaders how to be accountable for making decisions where staff matter as much as getting the mission accomplished. The author shows how both can happen.

[Clauee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will rate it as 5. Tell Me My Story is written by Dimple Dhabalia which encompasses her wins and struggles throughout her journey. When I opened this book, I was warned by Dimple that the contents could be triggering to me as a reader and thus my thoughts or my body sensations should be taken into consideration. To begin with, the prologue chapter of the story is very detailed and bloody even for me who has read so many horrific and mysterious novels in the past. Part One talks about Shaping which take root through the values and beliefs passed down from our parents. In this chapter, Dimple talks about the expectations of her parents towards themselves and towards them as their daughter. They are a first immigrant family from Uganda who decided to take an opportunity to live in America. I will always remember the note written by her mother to her brother as it is the reason why they needed to live Uganda. It was a reason based on necessity and safety and how it was written was too heartfelt for me. Another thing which I highly resonate with is the chapter that deals about the forced displacement. Dimple talks about how her mother struggled to keep their family together despite the fact that her husband lost his job they now are forced to transfer to one state to another just because he solely thinks that it is what is best for his family. The thing that I will say might alarm other readers there but it is important to keep compassion in mind and not judgment. Doctors say that the mind of the patient may change after surgery and that is what happened to the father of Dimple. His father got very erratic and they did not know what can trigger this behavior. His physical abuse towards her wife became rampant and uses the justification that it is a joke, which in the mind of Dimple and her sister is not. They were so alarmed about what they saw as a child and this shaped how they communicate with their father. There are a lot more of chapters for the readers to unravel, however I just focused on chapter one as it is the chapter that truly made me connected to the book as a reader. If you carry a deep sense of duty, responsibility, and commitment to the mission, and you tend to really love your work (humanitarian) then this book is for you.

[Adrianna Wolaver · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite aspect of this book is that it intertwines personal narrative with invaluable insights on self-care and resilience in service. Dimple's personal story adds realness and depth that other works on this subject lack.

This book offers a compassionate approach to addressing challenges faced by humanitarians, from exhaustion and burnout to trauma and moral injury. Dhabalia doesn't just highlight the struggles; she offers a beacon of hope and healing. Her message resonates deeply, reminding us of our power in prioritizing our well-being and calling on organizations to go beyond surface-level interventions and provide a duty of care for their employees.

One of the most compelling aspects of "Tell Me My Story" is its emphasis on the power of storytelling in healing. Dhabalia illustrates how sharing our narratives can bring solace to ourselves and foster connection and understanding within our communities. Through poignant anecdotes and profound reflections, she demonstrates the transformative potential of embracing our humanity and honoring the stories of those we serve.

This book is a must-read for anyone engaged in humanitarian work, but its relevance extends far beyond that audience. It speaks to anyone who has ever felt the weight of their own story, offering a roadmap to healing and empowerment.

In conclusion, "Tell Me My Story" is a masterpiece of empathy, wisdom, and resilience. Dimple's voice is a guiding light in the darkness, offering solace and inspiration to all who seek to make a difference in the world. This book deserves nothing less than five stars. It has the power to touch hearts, transform lives, and ignite a ripple of healing across the globe.

[Patvivian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read Tell Me My Story by Dimple Dhabalia. Cry, laugh, smile, frown, feel your clenched muscles, notice your insights, and feel affirmed in your own experiences and quest for well-being as you try to change the world. You are what Dhabalia calls a humanitarian. You are her witnesses to the compelling story of her life, her work, and what she has learned. Dimple Dhabalia’s memoir powerfully speaks to a broad group of people who care about making positive change in the world, who are by nature and work invested in making our planet a more just, equitable, kind, and compassionate place. Her work speaks to humanitarians who are suffering from caring at the expense of self. Through a compelling integration of her personal and professional experiences, Dhabalia brings to life the forces at play in humanitarian efforts. She describes the competing needs of home, work, family, and well-being in ways that draw the reader immediately into her experiences and ideas. I felt as though I were invited into a conversation with her throughout the book. I found myself scribbling notes on paper to remember what she said and how that made me think about my own life and experiences. I wanted to remember ideas like moral injury and moral imperative, living in a culture of martyrdom, duty of care to ourselves and collectively to all of us, and a mistaken idea that we are – and need to be - superhuman to be enough. Dhabalia moves beyond her narrative by offering a conceptual framework for the reader to use in their own reflections and insights. It is based on this idea: “In that calmer space between what happened to us and our usual automatic reaction we can instead choose a different response that will better serve us in that situation.”

[Sudipta Nandi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Engaging, empathic, and resonating. From the Enso circle to the manifesto, the goals of the humanitarian principles and the capacity of humanitarians are so well described that sympathetic nervous-system reactions like flight, fake, or freeze make perfect sense. It is intriguing that despite physical (Hashimoto disease) and mental challenges (divorces, unstable family life), the author fought back and found her self-care strategies which can help all the lost empaths. The difference between burnout and compassion fatigue and the impact of vicarious trauma are described with personal experiences. Moreover, the personal experiences worked like case studies to analyze the required strategies and tools. Although the coffee chats worked as a great tool, the RDLP strategy required more explanation. The bull-conquistador metaphor describes the unstable family life perfectly while the confession of the author's early management style confirms her flexibility. Finally, analyzing leadership as a humanitarian approach opens a huge scope for future compassionate leaders. Highly recommended for self-help and assessment.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quarter of my career has been in the field of international development -- an industry where burnout is high due to long hours that can lead to compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma, where you can feel distress simply by witnessing the trauma of those you assist. The work never ends as there is always another person in need or another emergency to attend to, and yet, those helping are human too and have limits. Dimple's book is a call to action--both for individuals to recognize and reclaim those limits and to organizations to put the human back into humanitarian by taking care of both their staff and the people they serve. Tell Me My Story teaches us all how we can better understand the stories that have shaped who we are and heal the parts of those stories that may be causing us suffering. It also teaches us to set boundaries to make sure our future stories serve both us and others. This is an important book that will change the field of humanitarian work for the better. Pick up a copy today and share it with your boss, your colleague, and other helper in your life who may need to learn how to serve without sacrificing themself.

[Kay Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a clinical social worker, I have served clients for decades in fields ranging from corrections and domestic violence, to dementia and end-of-life care. I know the high cost of putting service before self, as I have paid the price for doing so myself countless times. If only I would have had a well-seasoned guide like Dimple Dhabalia early on in my career to demonstrate the courage and vulnerability it takes to put ourselves first as humanitarians, how different my life might have been.

By following Dimple’s example, I could have learned to serve others not from a place of endless exhaustion and lack, but rather from a place of abundance born of deep self-care and strong boundaries. Anyone with a true heart for service should read this book as early in your career as possible. It will not only save you from unnecessary trauma and all that comes with it, but also compassionately remind you that giving voice to our own humanity and stories is just as important as the vital services we deliver to the world and its people.

Kay Adams, LCSW—Author of “Bedside Witness: Stories of Hope, Healing, and Humanity”

[Corinne LeBaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quote from the Tao Te Ching says ““When the student is ready the teacher will appear.” I felt the truth of this while reading Dimple Dhabalia’s thought-provoking book “Tell Me My Story--Challenging the Narrative of Service Before Self.” After having leadership roles in non-profit organizations for over 30 years and seeing so many people affected by violence, trauma and a system that often blocks true healing & progress rather than supporting it, I was burnt out and feeling guilty about it. The pandemic added a whole different level of stress to work I used to be so passionate about. At this moment I was given a copy of Dimple’s book which spoke directly to all I’ve been struggling with. By being vulnerable and sharing her personal story, Dimple provides not only a refreshing way of looking at a career of service but specific steps to work through our own narratives and facilitate our own healing. This book has already helped me in my personal journey and I look forward to sharing its teachings with my colleagues.

[Marisa Goudy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tell Me My Story weaves compelling storytelling, poignant personal recollections, and from-the-heart truths. This book offers insights into the realities of global humanitarian work, as well perspectives on leadership and valuable reflections on self-care.

Like Dimple Dhabalia, I come to this book as a storyteller who helps others tell their stories, but unlike the author, I'm many years removed from working for a large organization. And still, as someone who watches global events closely and has deep respect for aid workers and others in humanitarian roles, I found myself learning so much and developing a greater sense of empathy for their experience.

Professionals in the field and those whose daily lives are devoted to caring for others will recognize themselves in descriptions of burn-out and overwork. Even more importantly, readers will find themselves ready to write their own next chapter, grounding their choice to serve in hope, clarity, and the quest for connection.

[Anne Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tell Me My Story comes at a pivotal moment for government and other human-centered organizations. In the race for recruiting and retaining high-performing humanitarians who will continue to thrive and deliver on their mission, leaders can easily adopt the brilliant Manifesto Dimple has developed. Her outline of practices will help senior leaders set the tone for the change that is needed now in these organizations. This wonderful and honest book is useful reading for all levels of humanitarians looking to lead with their heart, while protecting it.

[Brintha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dimple's honesty and bravery in sharing her story was truly inspiring. She brought clarity and helpful language to the experiences many of us have when working in fields that serve others and shared a step by step process to recognize and change unhealthy patterns and limited perspectives on how we do the work and spend our energy. In a time when people are suffering, this book is a beautiful call to action to question ourselves, take care of ourselves and honor our inner voice. Thank you, Dimple.

[Valerie Ramage · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a print copy of this book from Goodreads Giveaways.

I really enjoyed reading about Dimple's life experiences and how she has worked to overcome vicarious trauma, burnout, and her own traumatic life experiences. Even though I didn't experience many of the things she did, it was so easy to relate to.

[Anthony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic!