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Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships
Cult victims and those who have suffered abusive relationships often suffer from fear, confusion, low self-esteem, and post-traumatic stress. "Take Back Your Life" explains the seductive draw that leads people into such situations, provides guidelines for assessing what happened, and hands-on tools for getting back on track. Written for victims, their families, and professionals, this book leads readers through the healing process.
426 pages, Paperback
First published March 31, 1994
109 people are currently reading
1214 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
September 15, 2014
This book is written primarily for those who are recovering from cults and abusive relationships, but also for those who have friends and family members who are in cults or abusive relationships to help them understand what is going on. I was personally interested in it because I was brought up in a rather cultish church and I could certainly identify with a great deal that the authors wrote about.
It's an excellent read, easy to follow but very indepth. Although it does cover abusive one-to-one relationships briefly, its main content is directed at those who are cult survivors (who are basically in an abusive relationship with a group or the leader of a group). It doesn't just look at the experiences of those who have come from relgious cults, but also from family cults, new age cults, eastern cults, political cults, psychotherapy cults and even marketing cults.
I found it very helpful to identify how I perceive boundaries and how I allow other people's emotions (or my perception of other people's emotions) to control my thinking and behaviour. It helped me to see that this kind of thinking is merely indoctrination and is not necessarily part of my natural personality. That was a rather freeing discovery.
The book also has useful indictors of what a cult is and how normal, healthy, intelligent people can be indoctrinated and 'brain-washed' by cults and cult leaders. It answers the age old question that cult survivors ask and interested parties ask: If it was so bad and so damaging and so controlling, why didn't I/you just leave?
Towards the end of the book, the authors look at helpful and unhelpful counselling. This is an important aspect of cult recovery. A cult survivor really doesn't need another 'guru' to control or 'guide' them in any way - even a well-meaning counsellor. The client/therapist relationship should be one of equals and must progress as the client is ready. The book describes the possible pitfalls of certain types of counselling and warns that some counsellors may not understand enough about cult dynamics to be helpful. It then gives tips to finding a good therapist/counsellor.
Overall a very good book. My only real criticism is that I think it would be better to have dealt with one-to-one abusive relationships in a separate book, that section felt rushed. Although, on the other hand, I did find it helpful to look at how a cult is really just like an abusive relationship. I particularly enjoyed reading the survivors stories that were included. In all, a very interesting read.
It's an excellent read, easy to follow but very indepth. Although it does cover abusive one-to-one relationships briefly, its main content is directed at those who are cult survivors (who are basically in an abusive relationship with a group or the leader of a group). It doesn't just look at the experiences of those who have come from relgious cults, but also from family cults, new age cults, eastern cults, political cults, psychotherapy cults and even marketing cults.
I found it very helpful to identify how I perceive boundaries and how I allow other people's emotions (or my perception of other people's emotions) to control my thinking and behaviour. It helped me to see that this kind of thinking is merely indoctrination and is not necessarily part of my natural personality. That was a rather freeing discovery.
The book also has useful indictors of what a cult is and how normal, healthy, intelligent people can be indoctrinated and 'brain-washed' by cults and cult leaders. It answers the age old question that cult survivors ask and interested parties ask: If it was so bad and so damaging and so controlling, why didn't I/you just leave?
Towards the end of the book, the authors look at helpful and unhelpful counselling. This is an important aspect of cult recovery. A cult survivor really doesn't need another 'guru' to control or 'guide' them in any way - even a well-meaning counsellor. The client/therapist relationship should be one of equals and must progress as the client is ready. The book describes the possible pitfalls of certain types of counselling and warns that some counsellors may not understand enough about cult dynamics to be helpful. It then gives tips to finding a good therapist/counsellor.
Overall a very good book. My only real criticism is that I think it would be better to have dealt with one-to-one abusive relationships in a separate book, that section felt rushed. Although, on the other hand, I did find it helpful to look at how a cult is really just like an abusive relationship. I particularly enjoyed reading the survivors stories that were included. In all, a very interesting read.
April 6, 2024
An excellent comprehensive book on what is a cult and experiences members have, how to heal, and therapeutic concerns. We tend to think of cults as religious, but there are many kinds. Political, racist, terrorist with belief in changing society. Comercial, multilevel marketing, business and coaching cults with beliefs in attaining wealth and power or status.New Age cults believing in “ You can
have power through internal knowledge. Occult, satanic, black magic cults with belief in supernatural powers. One-on-one family cults involving spousal abuse or narcissistic members. The “Troubled Teen Industry, both secular or religious in rehab care faculties. Even cults of personality around particular interests. Whatever kind, they all use Authority, Transcendent Beliefs, control systems, and systems of influences. Why should you read this?? Because we all constantly have “ influences agents” in our lives that prey on our natural tendencies to be vulnerable to idealism, authoritarian, and interpersonal coercion. Great suggestions on healing, and choosing a therapist if needed.
have power through internal knowledge. Occult, satanic, black magic cults with belief in supernatural powers. One-on-one family cults involving spousal abuse or narcissistic members. The “Troubled Teen Industry, both secular or religious in rehab care faculties. Even cults of personality around particular interests. Whatever kind, they all use Authority, Transcendent Beliefs, control systems, and systems of influences. Why should you read this?? Because we all constantly have “ influences agents” in our lives that prey on our natural tendencies to be vulnerable to idealism, authoritarian, and interpersonal coercion. Great suggestions on healing, and choosing a therapist if needed.
October 6, 2023
I feel like the beginning of the book is very re-traumatizing for those that have left cults but the educational side with true stories is wonderful. I do reccommend anyone in a cult or getting out of to read this or even those curious about cults to read this book.
January 21, 2023
My number one pick for cult survivors and those who support them! It’s a must read to understand the effects of coercive control!!
January 7, 2018
What made me buy the book was that it was the first time I'd seen a book talk about one on one and family cult relationships, not to mention personality disorders. I believe there needs to be more research along those lines. It is core to who many criminals are, to how we punish people, and is how many of our leaders got to where they are.
What I didn't like right off the bat was the formatting for Kindle was not done professionally, so I was going to deduct a star for that and mention it for the Kindle version only...
The opinions expressed in the book seemed pretty much on the money, but it didn't feel very scholarly or backed up by hard research. I was going to give the author a break, until about a quarter through the book, Janja referred people to the website of a convicted criminal who is a diagnosed narcissist.
Many cults create fronts that look like cult awareness orgs but are far from it. Therefore if something is presented as a somewhat scholarly work, in the way this book is, the bar is high. There are people who are suffering severely, who have been mentally abused for years, many physically so you better get your research right.
By sending people for help to the wrong resources, either Janja is complicit, or else just a bad researcher. Either way, as soon as I saw that, I stopped trusting in this book or this author and decided not to read anymore. I hope an updated version of the book will correct the mistake, but for now, I give it 1 star.
What I didn't like right off the bat was the formatting for Kindle was not done professionally, so I was going to deduct a star for that and mention it for the Kindle version only...
The opinions expressed in the book seemed pretty much on the money, but it didn't feel very scholarly or backed up by hard research. I was going to give the author a break, until about a quarter through the book, Janja referred people to the website of a convicted criminal who is a diagnosed narcissist.
Many cults create fronts that look like cult awareness orgs but are far from it. Therefore if something is presented as a somewhat scholarly work, in the way this book is, the bar is high. There are people who are suffering severely, who have been mentally abused for years, many physically so you better get your research right.
By sending people for help to the wrong resources, either Janja is complicit, or else just a bad researcher. Either way, as soon as I saw that, I stopped trusting in this book or this author and decided not to read anymore. I hope an updated version of the book will correct the mistake, but for now, I give it 1 star.
September 4, 2022
I love everything by Dr. Janja! She is very active in the anti-cult awareness community. I hear her sharing her training and experiences with other cult trauma survivor on podcasts. I am a 4 generation Jehovah's Witness that broke a cycle and saved my family and myself. Spiritual abuse is real! As a young girl I was told not to ask questions and to accept this misgynistic culture that never set right with me, but I made life decisions based on my family and this fake hateful armageddon that was suppose to come when I was a kid, which entailed the vast majority of humanity destroyed in a horrible death (including children).
This book is a must read for anyone recovering for leaving a cult, or an abusive relationship.
If anyone wants a light hearted, comedic, educational, full color graphic novel of being raised in a cult. I just released the graphic novel CULT GIRLS.
I am going to check out Dr. Janja's other books.
This book is a must read for anyone recovering for leaving a cult, or an abusive relationship.
If anyone wants a light hearted, comedic, educational, full color graphic novel of being raised in a cult. I just released the graphic novel CULT GIRLS.
I am going to check out Dr. Janja's other books.
May 20, 2022
A practical guide for survivors of cults, high-control organizations and abusive relationships. It also contains many tips and insights for loved ones and therapists who are working with and trying to help survivors. Well worth your time to read.
November 14, 2024
Janja Lalich tells of experiences with cults and abuse, and survival
In Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships, the listener is brought into a world that if you've only seen in movies or television, a totally different experience of being in a cult. In our world today, it is not uncommon, and some members are finally being caught and prosecuted. It's another epidemic in our country that until it's made public, not many people talk about. Janja Lalich explains how one may be enticed into that world, especially if they believe no one cares of loves them, but then when reality sinks in, and abuse, physical and sexual occurs, with coercion, and believing there is no way out, defeat in oneself can occur. I recommend that every one listen to this book. First, because of how the book is put together, it makes the story more dramatic, where you get multiple actors, in the book, multiple voices. To me, it's like a play on audio, and it delivers, no matter the story. The terror, the aftermath of one that leaves the cult, is one that can last forever, and end up being part of the person forever, even defining that person. Not everyone gets out, or gets out alive, and that is another issue with survival or belief in something that is not really there. This book is entitled Take back your life, and it is worth every single word, and if it can help persons heal or start to heal, it has done its job. The experience of the author is worth noting, and how incredible a story, a true story of lives destroyed, and lives that can heal, is remarkable. PTSD is no joke, and many people who suffer from it, don't realize that they have it, and it's not just for war-torn brave armed forces, anyone suffering a trauma, can suffer. I know, because I do. Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships on audiobook is a definite listening recommendation by Amy's Bookshelf Reviews. Amy's Bookshelf Reviews recommends that anyone who listens to this book, to also write a review.
In Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships, the listener is brought into a world that if you've only seen in movies or television, a totally different experience of being in a cult. In our world today, it is not uncommon, and some members are finally being caught and prosecuted. It's another epidemic in our country that until it's made public, not many people talk about. Janja Lalich explains how one may be enticed into that world, especially if they believe no one cares of loves them, but then when reality sinks in, and abuse, physical and sexual occurs, with coercion, and believing there is no way out, defeat in oneself can occur. I recommend that every one listen to this book. First, because of how the book is put together, it makes the story more dramatic, where you get multiple actors, in the book, multiple voices. To me, it's like a play on audio, and it delivers, no matter the story. The terror, the aftermath of one that leaves the cult, is one that can last forever, and end up being part of the person forever, even defining that person. Not everyone gets out, or gets out alive, and that is another issue with survival or belief in something that is not really there. This book is entitled Take back your life, and it is worth every single word, and if it can help persons heal or start to heal, it has done its job. The experience of the author is worth noting, and how incredible a story, a true story of lives destroyed, and lives that can heal, is remarkable. PTSD is no joke, and many people who suffer from it, don't realize that they have it, and it's not just for war-torn brave armed forces, anyone suffering a trauma, can suffer. I know, because I do. Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships on audiobook is a definite listening recommendation by Amy's Bookshelf Reviews. Amy's Bookshelf Reviews recommends that anyone who listens to this book, to also write a review.
December 22, 2020
For those who have escaped cults, abusive relationships, or are simply intrigued by the psychology behind both cult leaders and their followers- this book is a fascinating read. I picked it up after finishing HBO MAX’s four part documentary series on Heaven’s Gate, where the author of this book is a regular commentator on the cult’s history and its aftermath. Also recommended for any true crime fans out there, as Jim Jones, Branch Davidians and Aum Shinrikyo are mentioned in almost every section of this book.
May 22, 2025
The encyclopaedia on cults and abusive systems - A MUST READ!
My friend and I have been reading this book together in our book club and it took us a solid 6 months of reading, comparing notes, and deep diving into philosophical conversations about concepts from the book such as: CPTSD, Moral Injury, A cult of one, Thought reform, and so much more! We found Dr Janja through the work of Dr Ramani Durvasula and this collective education has equipped me to quite literally take back my life. A must read as a part of your healing journey <3
My friend and I have been reading this book together in our book club and it took us a solid 6 months of reading, comparing notes, and deep diving into philosophical conversations about concepts from the book such as: CPTSD, Moral Injury, A cult of one, Thought reform, and so much more! We found Dr Janja through the work of Dr Ramani Durvasula and this collective education has equipped me to quite literally take back my life. A must read as a part of your healing journey <3
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February 16, 2024Janja Lalich ’67
Author
From the author:
This book, which has become a classic in its field, explains the seductive draw that leads people into coercive situations, provides insightful and comprehensive and insightful information for assessing what happened, and offers hands-on tools for getting back on track. The updated and revised third edition, includes a new section on the "Troubled Teen Industry."
Author
From the author:
This book, which has become a classic in its field, explains the seductive draw that leads people into coercive situations, provides insightful and comprehensive and insightful information for assessing what happened, and offers hands-on tools for getting back on track. The updated and revised third edition, includes a new section on the "Troubled Teen Industry."
February 3, 2020
A thorough, compassionately written primer for those who have dealt with abusive or manipulative relationships and/or organizations. It contains practical steps and concrete ways to recover and assert oneself. Has info for families and therapists as well. Recommended for anybody who has been or knows somebody in this position.
December 4, 2024
As somebody who got out of an abusive relationship turned cult, this new edition was very highly anticipated, since I haven't seen very many other people talk about how similar those experiences are. As some have said, the begining can be retraumatizing, but the book is very hopeful and very helpful overall!
April 28, 2022
I've never been in a cult so this book had many chapters that just weren't for me, about what to do after leaving a cult.
It didn't give me insight into how a dysfunctional family can be like a cult.
It didn't give me insight into how a dysfunctional family can be like a cult.
June 14, 2022
I really did like the information in this book. I had no idea you could have a cult of two people. It got me thinking about times I might have been in a cult. I would recommend it, but It was too long with too much repetition.
August 3, 2024
Really liked the explicit and implicit parallels between cults and abusive relationship. Really unpacked the mind/thought control aspect and the survivors’ guilt about staying. Also led me to The Language of Emotions, which has been really great so far. Very hopeful, too.
November 24, 2020
Great resource!
September 4, 2022
I love what you are doing for the anti-cult community. I just heard you on the "THE TRUTH THAT HEALS" podcast
September 12, 2022
Most practical book I’ve ever read on recovering from a cult, high control group or cultic relationship.
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October 3, 2022I’m not going to rate this because I haven’t ever left a cultic group so I feel it would be inappropriate to rate it. I am, however, glad I read it as it was quite informative.
June 1, 2024
This is a must read book for anyone who is personally dealing with cults. It’s thorough and sensitive.
April 8, 2025
I first read Lalich and Tobias years ago when doing research on cults. They were the best source I could find. When I saw a new edition of this book, I knew I had to have it. They are true experts.
April 15, 2022
This book is a must read for anyone who is interested in cults or the mechanics and tactics used in them.
August 21, 2015
Awesome book.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews