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About Men
"This book takes a long close look at the male scene in the present & in recent European history. It depicts a sad & sorry tale, vividly & compellingly. This salutary reading is at moments greatly painful, but also hilarious, if a sense of humor has not been lost."--R.D. Laing
303 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1978
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About the author
Phyllis Chesler
37 books398 followersPhyllis Chesler is an Emerita Professor of Psychology and Women's Studies at City University of New York. She is a best- selling author, a legendary feminist leader, a psychotherapist and an expert courtroom witness. Dr. Chesler has published thousands of articles and, most recently, studies, about honor-related violence including honor killings. She is the author of 20 books, including Women and Madness and An American Bride in Kabul. Her forthcoming book is titled Requiem for a Female Serial Killer, about serial killer Aileen Wuornos.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
July 18, 2025
THE FEMINIST PSYCHOLOGIST LOOKS AT THE OTHER SEX
Phyllis Chesler (b. 1940) is an emeritus professor of Psychology and Women’s Studies at the College of Staten Island (CUNY).
She wrote in the Preface to this 1978 book, “Like most women, I’ve been observing and ‘interviewing’ men all my life---beginning with my father. In writing this book, my questions to men about themselves became more direct… As a psychologist and an author, I was often perceived as a woman with unnatural authority… But this was not important if I could still put men at their ease… Men’s need for maternal compassion and approval is so great, so unconscious, so pervasive, that its shadow fell across every relationship or encounter I’ve ever had with men. Would I, as a woman, offer this particular man understanding, a sense of importance, a feeling of acceptance?...” (Pg. xiii)
She continues, “After all, men are used to revealing certain things about themselves ONLY to women. Most men expect women in general to keep male secrets, cherish male frailty, forgive male cruelty; women in general to assuage male insecurity and loneliness; women in general to provide them with some comfort, some immediate validation of themselves. Rarely do men unconsciously expect such unconditional compliance from each other. Adult men expect understanding or compliance only from specific, other men… and then ‘contractually,’ in terms of mutual understanding.” (Pg. xiv-xv)
She goes on, “I wrote this book in order to understand men. First, I turned to books already written by men, about men. I found them of limited usefulness… Consequently, my deepest questions about male psychology were answered best in myth, in fable, in religious writing, and in painting and sculpture.. Controversial and painfully repressed truths about human and male psychology are often more easily understood or experienced through pictures.” (Pg. xv)
She asks, “If men are psychologically powerful… why do so many men need such constant and false assurances of their worth? Why… do men need women to reflect themselves back to themselves twice as large as they really are? Clearly, paradoxically, men are consumed by a silent fear of other men.” (Pg. xviii-xix)
She then has nearly 150 pages of mythic symbols and photographs; e.g., “Buried female idols, tiny beneath the tent pegs were unearthed, upended, beheaded, and, in full view, transformed into phalluses. Men marked their sacred crossings with them: pillars of fire, pillars of ash." (Pg. 96)
She recounts, “Today, I saw a boy from my high school class disguised as a repairman for Con Edison… When you see your own age in adult uniform, instantly you see the tenuousness, the sad inevitability of the mating: the man to the job, the fear to the defense. MY schoolmates have already become the butchers, the bakers---the repairmen of cities.” (Pg. 176-177)
She reflects, ‘My God: Do we really think we won’t have another and another and yet another war? Such lust, such self-hate, such restlessness, must be SATISFIED. I think these men are more interested in violent wars than in pornographic films.” (Pg. 177-178)
She states, “Among men… there are crucial and unique advantages to be gained in accepting or ‘resolving’ the father-son relationship. If sons are adequately socialized into patriarchy, they can then ‘bond’ with other men for economic gain… Men are not taught how to be interpersonally sensitive to others---or to themselves. Despite male egotism and narcissism, most men tend to lack the emotionally introspective tools that would allow them to comfort others or to comfort themselves.” (Pg. 202)
She asserts, “Patriarchal civilization is, from one point of view, a male homosexual civilization. Women are valued only for their reproductive capacities. In all other areas, men prefer to remain separate from women, and in close contact with other men. A culture that covets such separatist all-male control of religious, military, economic, and political institutions is, psychologically speaking, a homosexual culture.” (Pg. 204)
She argues, “Because it is so important to renounce the desire for overt homosexuality, men learn to express their real vulnerability and longings more safely: namely, privately, with a woman. She cannot easily refuse to satisfy male dependency, and a woman who is so dominated bears little resemblance to the forbidden and once-dominant Mother-figure… The renunciation of overt or total homosexuality ensures the propagation of the human race.” (Pg, 215)
She observes, “Despite the male complaint about having to ‘perform,’ not too many men are overly willing to ‘perform’ to please women sexually. Prostitution is important to men… [partly] because they don’t have to worry about female pleasure.” (Pg. 227)
She wonders, “As I listen to men talk about male-bonding and male violence, I wonder to what degree male hostility toward feminist aspirations is related to a male fear of being abandoned by women---so that men would be left totally to themselves in an all-male society.” (Pg. 250)
Less interesting than her previous ‘Women & Madness’ book (whiçh was fantastic!), this book will still be of interest to those studying psychology.
Phyllis Chesler (b. 1940) is an emeritus professor of Psychology and Women’s Studies at the College of Staten Island (CUNY).
She wrote in the Preface to this 1978 book, “Like most women, I’ve been observing and ‘interviewing’ men all my life---beginning with my father. In writing this book, my questions to men about themselves became more direct… As a psychologist and an author, I was often perceived as a woman with unnatural authority… But this was not important if I could still put men at their ease… Men’s need for maternal compassion and approval is so great, so unconscious, so pervasive, that its shadow fell across every relationship or encounter I’ve ever had with men. Would I, as a woman, offer this particular man understanding, a sense of importance, a feeling of acceptance?...” (Pg. xiii)
She continues, “After all, men are used to revealing certain things about themselves ONLY to women. Most men expect women in general to keep male secrets, cherish male frailty, forgive male cruelty; women in general to assuage male insecurity and loneliness; women in general to provide them with some comfort, some immediate validation of themselves. Rarely do men unconsciously expect such unconditional compliance from each other. Adult men expect understanding or compliance only from specific, other men… and then ‘contractually,’ in terms of mutual understanding.” (Pg. xiv-xv)
She goes on, “I wrote this book in order to understand men. First, I turned to books already written by men, about men. I found them of limited usefulness… Consequently, my deepest questions about male psychology were answered best in myth, in fable, in religious writing, and in painting and sculpture.. Controversial and painfully repressed truths about human and male psychology are often more easily understood or experienced through pictures.” (Pg. xv)
She asks, “If men are psychologically powerful… why do so many men need such constant and false assurances of their worth? Why… do men need women to reflect themselves back to themselves twice as large as they really are? Clearly, paradoxically, men are consumed by a silent fear of other men.” (Pg. xviii-xix)
She then has nearly 150 pages of mythic symbols and photographs; e.g., “Buried female idols, tiny beneath the tent pegs were unearthed, upended, beheaded, and, in full view, transformed into phalluses. Men marked their sacred crossings with them: pillars of fire, pillars of ash." (Pg. 96)
She recounts, “Today, I saw a boy from my high school class disguised as a repairman for Con Edison… When you see your own age in adult uniform, instantly you see the tenuousness, the sad inevitability of the mating: the man to the job, the fear to the defense. MY schoolmates have already become the butchers, the bakers---the repairmen of cities.” (Pg. 176-177)
She reflects, ‘My God: Do we really think we won’t have another and another and yet another war? Such lust, such self-hate, such restlessness, must be SATISFIED. I think these men are more interested in violent wars than in pornographic films.” (Pg. 177-178)
She states, “Among men… there are crucial and unique advantages to be gained in accepting or ‘resolving’ the father-son relationship. If sons are adequately socialized into patriarchy, they can then ‘bond’ with other men for economic gain… Men are not taught how to be interpersonally sensitive to others---or to themselves. Despite male egotism and narcissism, most men tend to lack the emotionally introspective tools that would allow them to comfort others or to comfort themselves.” (Pg. 202)
She asserts, “Patriarchal civilization is, from one point of view, a male homosexual civilization. Women are valued only for their reproductive capacities. In all other areas, men prefer to remain separate from women, and in close contact with other men. A culture that covets such separatist all-male control of religious, military, economic, and political institutions is, psychologically speaking, a homosexual culture.” (Pg. 204)
She argues, “Because it is so important to renounce the desire for overt homosexuality, men learn to express their real vulnerability and longings more safely: namely, privately, with a woman. She cannot easily refuse to satisfy male dependency, and a woman who is so dominated bears little resemblance to the forbidden and once-dominant Mother-figure… The renunciation of overt or total homosexuality ensures the propagation of the human race.” (Pg, 215)
She observes, “Despite the male complaint about having to ‘perform,’ not too many men are overly willing to ‘perform’ to please women sexually. Prostitution is important to men… [partly] because they don’t have to worry about female pleasure.” (Pg. 227)
She wonders, “As I listen to men talk about male-bonding and male violence, I wonder to what degree male hostility toward feminist aspirations is related to a male fear of being abandoned by women---so that men would be left totally to themselves in an all-male society.” (Pg. 250)
Less interesting than her previous ‘Women & Madness’ book (whiçh was fantastic!), this book will still be of interest to those studying psychology.
December 5, 2013
This early popular work by Chesler is like a scrapbook of photographs, essays and poetry. The orientation of the analysis might be characterized as psychoanalytic feminism--in any case, she utilizes psychoanalytic terminology while turning much of Freud on his head.
A quick read, I was disappointed by its impressionistic character, having hoped for a more scientific approach to gender and gender differences.
A quick read, I was disappointed by its impressionistic character, having hoped for a more scientific approach to gender and gender differences.
March 29, 2017
A good book - lots of suggestions. NOT "impartial."
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews