Jo Frost's Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior

by Jo Frost

From the beloved TV disciplinarian and bestselling author of Supernanny comes an amazingly simple five-step program to help parents tame tantrums, prevent bad behavior, and create long-term peace and stability in the home.  SILVER MEDAL WINNER, NATIONAL PARENTING PUBLICATIONS AWARDS Jo Frost has always had a natural gift for connecting with kids, and for helping parents navigate milestones with practical know-how and ease. With the success of her hit TV shows Supernanny, Extreme Parental Guidance, and Family S.O.S. with Jo Frost, she’s proven her ability to expertly rein in unacceptable conduct and bring peace and stability to millions of homes worldwide. Now, in this invaluable book, she shows you how to identify and eliminate toddler tantrums, and curb behaviors in other child rearing areas. Frost’s effective five-step program for disciplined parenting addresses such challenges as   • winning those nightly battles—going to bed and staying there • what to cook, trying new things, and enjoying meal times • sharing toys, defusing squabbles, developing social skills • listening, language, and development •  teaching respect, showing examples, and positive praise   The key to achieving success with these Toddler Rules is Frost’s proven S.O.S. Step Back, Observe, Step In. Complete with troubleshooting tips for living tantrum-free, this welcome, honest, straightforward guide has all you need to help your children grow, thrive, and make family time even more precious.Praise for Jo Frost’s Toddler Rules  “The indomitable Frost shares both her wisdom and experience for parents of toddlers. The five rules . . . are presented in her charming and conversational tone and provide not only a foundation for sanity but sure scaffolding to greater learning and happier parenting. . . . Frost is a favorite with many, and her engaging manner carries into her written work.”—Library Journal (starred review)“Common-sense and practical advice on raising young children by an expert in the field . . . A full chapter devoted to handling temper tantrums is an added bonus for parents in crisis mode.”—Kirkus Reviews

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Reference

287 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2014

About the author

Joanne A. Frost

"Jo Frost was catapulted to international fame when she became the star of a new reality show, “Supernanny.” She won the role over hundreds of other applicants when television producers were struck by her outstanding childcare skills, her sincerity and candid style that now help her to transform families and instill positive, lasting results. She debuted in the UK in the summer of 2004 with just three episodes, and became an overnight sensation, garnering widespread popularity and acclaim. She made “Naughty Step” and “Your behavior is very naughty!” national catchphrases, and got a rave in the House of Commons on a discussion about preventing the causes of anti-social behavior." ...more

Reviews

[Gabrielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Practical, common sense advice on the 5 areas of toddler care but at times pretentious and unrealistic. We used Frost's strategies to transform what was becoming a daily nightmare into an enjoyable bedtime ritual. But when Frost (who is a ft nanny, not a parent) says things like-even after a long workday or a day full of child-rearing stress you need to pull out that last bit of energy to do the SOS steps!-I wanted to roll my eyes. We are all human and statements like these that don't take into account the immense work of being a parent were irritating. The strategies and tools she presented for a bedtime routine were good but some of the others (like how to deal with a picky eater or a public tantrum) seemed overly simplistic and contradicted themselves. For example, Frost says to let a picky eater skip a meal if he/she refuses to eat (to inspire them to eat the next meal) but then cites child hunger as a common cause for child misbehavior. Not a terrible advice book but nothing in here was incredibly enlightening either.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Children deserve to be raised in such a way that they learn responsible behavior toward others, while yet having their own needs met. If you can agree with this statement, this book will give the practical advice necessary to carry out those goals in the toddler years. Jo Frost gives a no-nonsense approach both toward the children (naughty behavior is simply not acceptable) and toward their parents (you do have to sacrifice some of your own time and preferences for the good of your children).

Those expecting a simple discipline manual may be surprised to find here that more than half the book deals with the basics of eating/nutrition, sleep, and early childhood learning. But Frost rightfully maintains that if these are well established, you can cut discipline problems dramatically. Children need dependable routines with sufficient amounts of healthy food, sleep, and meaningful activity. If those are out of balance, of course you will have more behavioral problems.

Nevertheless, she does provide clear direction on discipline strategies, as well as how to discern among and deal with each of three kinds of tantrums: emotional meltdowns, situational tantrums, and mock tantrums. Knowledge is power in this case, and knowing to expect such outbursts helps in maintaining the self-discipline she reminds parents they must have. To paraphrase: It's no good having two out-of-control emotional people in a situation. One of you has to remain calm! (Hint: It won't be your toddler.)

This book dovetails nicely with Tracy Hogg's "Baby Whisperer" advice for toddlers, as well as the likes of John Rosemond with his advice for moving toddlers out of the baby center-of-the-universe into orbit around their parents. It unabashedly calls upon parents to be the authority figures and to train--rather than follow the lead of--their children to be civilized little people. While the toddler years still will not be easy, implementing such strategies at this time will make for far smoother years beyond.

[Edited to add:] One oddity I found is that Frost seems to consider "toddlers" to mean children aged 2-5, while I think in general Americans understand it to mean something more like ages 1-3. Therefore some of her advice will better suit parents of what I would call preschoolers. Nevertheless, much of what she has to say applies to children of almost any age, and parents of toddlers will undoubtedly find much of use for the present as well as the future.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I need all the help I can get in this new toddler phase, and I thought this book was straightforward and had some great advice that could be implemented right away.

[Nina · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 It’s helpful to have specific techniques to try in different situations. I particularly found the section on tantrums helpful, even in just adjusting how I look at and think about tantrums.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a general rule I hate parenting books, but this was on the counter of the apartment I'm staying in as my 3 year old was slapping her sister so I thought, sure what the heck. I skipped over the parts I didn't need to read and read her SOS, discipline and early learning and it was a good reminder. A good reminder that I'm failing my youngest child in the parenting department because we're always rushed when she's around the older kids and someone always does everything for her. 😭😳😭. So here's to more patience in letting my toddler sort herself out before I swoop in. And putting her back in time out 100 times in a row.

[Analie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Jo Frost and this book is just as great as her Supernanny series. It's full of helpful information about what is age-appropriate and practical strategies for sleep, tantrums, and feeding. I use the tips with families and see great results, particularly when used in conjunction with How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber and Julie King.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jo Frost’s Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior by Supernanny Jo Frost is her latest parenting book to help parents of toddlers manage tantrums, will-full behavior, and defiance. The toddler rules are designed to provide discipline, not punishment or submissiveness. As a nanny, Frost’s job was to instill discipline in her charges and help raise the children. As an author and educator, Frost is now providing the information, support and tools for parents to learn to discipline and manage their own children. And make no mistake: this is a book about providing structure and discipline in childrearing: both of which Jo Frost clearly feels are needed by today’s families.

With 25 years experience, Jo Frost’s mission is helping children and parents find rules, strategies and discipline that result in well-behaved children and happy families. Frost considers herself a master teacher: her goal is to work with individual families to find out what solutions work for their situation, and to calmly implement those solutions.
In this book, Frost uses her SOS technique:

Step Back
Observe
Step In

The tools and strategies Frost provides involve a great deal of common-sense and practical advice needed by a loving parent to help them stay focused on their parenting goals. The book not only provides the rules and tools parents need to instill discipline, it also provides explanations as to why a strategy works, and offers suggestions and alternatives to customize the rules to your particular child and family situation.

For example, Frost asks if your family is a one or two parent family: because it makes a difference in parenting if you’re operating solo, or if you have another parent to support the rules.
Jo Frost’s 5 Toddler Rules

Sufficient sleep and bedtime rules are the foundation for Frost’s rules.
Healthy eating and food rules provide children the materials for growth and development.
Playing, sharing and social rules are necessary for toddlers to develop safe social skills with other children and adults.
Childhood education and learning rules are critical for toddlers because 85% of a child’s brain develops by the age of 5.
Good behavior rules equip children with an understanding of how - and how not - to treat other people.

Each chapter gives multiple detailed examples of all the ways in which the child can deliberately resist following the rules and exhibit bad behaviors, and provides thorough and just as detailed options for enforcing the rules, and staying calm in the process. The examples are not theoretical, they are realistic examples of the battles and challenges faced by parents of toddlers. Situations include:

dealing with siblings
TV and screen time
playground behavior
learning challenges or disabilities
biting, hitting, or throwing
public acting out

Specific steps to reward and praise your toddler as well as discipline are provided. Part 3 of the book is devoted to tantrums: as the parent of any toddler knows your adorable child is actually a Transformer who goes from smiley baby to hysterical tyrant in 30 seconds flat! Frost details not only the whys of your toddler’s transformation, but also the hows for parents to manage and cope with the spectacle whether it’s in the privacy of your home, or out in public.

The book is formatted and highlighted for easy reading and comprehension, using Nanny Jo tips, charts, action checklists, boxes, and illustrations. The book also contains an Appendix with additional tips for raising toddlers not covered in the earlier chapters.

As part of the book tour, Frost appeared on many daytime news and talk shows promoting her 5 rules and answering audience questions. Search Google for video clips of Frost’s appearances to hear her discuss her toddler rules, and answer parent’s questions about dealing with the frustrations of raising toddlers. The following clip from Wendy Williams is a great example of Jo Frost applying her toddler rules to real-life parenting issues:

I like Jo Frost’s practical, disciplined approach to raising well-behaved children with a loving but firm hand. Her advice is solid, her recommendations easy to understand, her examples are realistic. JoFrost.com has additional parenting tips and advice, news and appearances, giveaways, and social media channels.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very straight forward advice.

Yessssss. This is a great book. Straight forward with clear advice. I'm not sure that I'll implement everything (e.g. I'm torn on the "naughty chair"), but I have many, many new ideas to work with. I can imagine continuing to reference the techniques in this book as my toddler goes from being a little toddler to a big toddler and beyond.

[Marleah (marleah_a) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jo Frost, of Supernanny fame, has written a down-to-earth book full of handy tips for a variety of situations that you're guaranteed to run into if you have a toddler. I really enjoyed her take on discipline - it's not punishment, it's a sense of structure and routine for your child's (and your) life. She covers five different areas of concern - sleep, food, social, early learning, and good behavior - with two chapters each: one outlining basic routines and ideas, and one in Q&A format that serves as an "SOS" guide for that topic. Frost also includes valuable chapters on tantrums, helping parents identify what may be triggering the tantrum and giving ideas about how those triggers can be avoided - or at least defused in the moment.

Frost keeps an encouraging and understanding tone throughout the book, which is nice for parents who read books about parenting and feel like they are doing nothing right. This book absolutely did not make me feel this way, so it gets bonus points for that.

Also a bonus, the book is very short and in very bite-size pieces, with handy boxes of need-to-know information. If you're a busy parent (I've never met one who's not), you can easily find the information you need RIGHT-THIS-MINUTE and then hit the rest later.

[Brandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always enjoyed watching Jo Frost on Supernanny. She has worked wonders with a number of children. In Jo Frost's Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior, Ms. Frost discusses how her S.O.S. method can help with challenges regarding toddler discipline. It is a great book to explore methods that may improve a child's behavior. Parents must understand, though, that there is no "one size fits all" method for dealing with discipline challenges. What works for one child may not work so well for another. As such, I do not regard this book as a panacea for all negative toddler behavior, but rather a book that can help provide ideas that may improve parenting challenges.
The book is easy to follow and written in a clear,concise manner. Her S.O.S. method is easy to understand and she did an excellent job detailing the aspects of the method. Overall, this is one of the better discipline guides on the market and I would recommend it to anyone who deals with children that exhibit problematic behavior, including those in the education and healthcare fields, in addition to parents.
This book was won from the Goodreads.com website.

[Mackenzie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had a hard time rating this. It's a fairly basic parenting book so 90% wasn't very useful for me, although I supposed everyone can occasionally use a reminded that the foundation of solid parenting/discipline starts with ensuring your kids get adequate sleep, nutrition and exercise. But the part I used, the naught step, was great. I committed to using it just as written for several days and a couple issues that we seemed to have stalled on have suddenly gotten much better. I don't think its that her naught step is magical, but that by deciding to do it HER way, I also decided to do it the SAME way. Consistency really is key, isn't it? So while I can't say I agree with all she says or that I learned a whole lot, I'm still very glad I read this book.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a handy reference to have around for those days when you feel like you've forgotten what you're doing or your kid is moving on to a new and challenging stage. It's mostly very basic parenting advice, like make sure your kid is getting enough rest, getting enough mental stimulation, etc. But it's sometimes good to be reminded of the basics. The most handy parts are for specific problems, e.g. bedtime issues, defiance. The instructions can be helpful. I think this is a handy little guide to have on the shelf, kind of a toddler behavior 411.

I won this book in a First Reads giveaway. My opinions are my own.

[Melissa Foster · Rating 2 out of 5]

While there were a couple good tips in here, I didn't feel like most of this was for me as a lot of it was common sense to parenting. This book seemed geared to someone who's child has been completely neglected and is at the point of desperately needing to reverse things. Maybe I didn't connect with this book because I never watched Supper Nanny and because I read Love & Logic first.

[Jessica Haider · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some useful tips in here for handling behavioral challenges with the 18 month to 5 year old set. Some of the ideas are pretty common sense but others are approaches that wouldn't have been the first way I would've tried. I may give some of the tips a shot and see how they go.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty good middle ground between the way our grandparents were raised and respectful parenting of the child. There's so much compassion in setting up routines and this book helps the reader understand more about how to do so.

[Teresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A solid mostly helpful parenting book. Definitely good for parents struggling with misbehaving kids who don’t have a lot of tools in their tool belt yet. Lots of concrete techniques to try to give your kids structure and make sure their needs are met. I appreciated h the simplicity: take care of food, sleep, stimulation (social, visual, auditory, fine and gross motor), and manners- each one supports the others. The most helpful section for me was tantrums because I tend to “lose it” myself!

However, this one is only getting three stars for a few issues I have with it:
- not enough coverage of how to do techniques like the naughty step alongside attachment parenting. I do believe timeouts can be useful but time INs are being shown to be even more important. Jo discusses naming and validating kid’s feelings but doesn’t cover that nearly enough.
- no coverage of the important research on mental and emotional strength and resilience that is so critical to support in kids
- a bit confusing about how to handle non-mock tantrums when you can’t solve the underlying issue due to circumstances

Overall worth a read but don’t let this be the only toddler parenting book you read. I suggest “how to talk so kids can listen and listen so kids can talk” (Adele Faber) and “Kids are Worth it” (Barbara coloroso)

[Kimmie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the straight-forward advice in this book. It's really a book on changing parents' behavior, so be prepared to take a good look at your own actions and language towards your child. Some of it is common sense parenting, like ensuring your child's needs are met, but sometimes that can be forgotten in the heat of the moment or lost in the daily grind. "Is my child having a major tantrum over something small because she's actually hungry?" "Yes because we got side-tracked and missed snack time." So I love the SOS approach to give myself reminders of my own intentions and assessing my child's needs throughout the day. It also guided me to be clearer in my expectations for my child.

The only thing I didn't like was the "naughty step" approach to correcting bad behavior. It didn't work for us in any capacity. I found a way to modify it so that I'm still teaching my child how the action was wrong, removing her from the situation, and explaining what's expected of her. I think I'm still hitting the basic principals without isolating her and taking her back to one spot repeatedly, which just frustrates both of us and escalates the situation. Also, the advice for getting your toddler to stay in bed was useless for us; again, more frustrations.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve watched MANY Super Nanny episodes and found them incredibly helpful. Now that I have a third child and she’s much stronger-willed than the first two, I picked up the book in hopes that there would be new insights for me dealing with her not eating, tantrums, etc (she’s 20 months). If you’ve been a fan of Super Nanny then there’s not any new information in the book, but to read through her explanations and read through the various examples is a good review for someone like myself who’s been a fan of the show.

I’m a Christian and obviously this is missing the Christ-centered aspect that should permeate my parenting, but from the practical steps and strategies it’s very helpful. I disagree in the area of spanking, but would generally recommend all of her other techniques. I’ve personally found the naughty step, sideline, and sleeping techniques to be lifesavers.

[Elena · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed watching her tv show but the book form is less useful I think. She has some good techniques but in every section she basically scares you into doing things her way or your child will end up obese, or dropping out of school etc. While she does list some reference notes to her concepts, a lot of what she says is unproven. For example, she states that “children who don’t learn basic literacy skills before kindergarten are three times more likely to drop out of school.” This has a footnote but she never defines “basic literacy” skills and there have been studies that show that early reading doesn’t indicate better performance in school down the line. Plus her overall tone is that if something isn’t working for your child, you’re not using her technique properly. Raising children isn’t a formula.

[Cara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly I had a hard time getting through this book. It isn't very entertaining and kept putting me to sleep. It has some great advice for first time parents... but I was looking more for tips on how to deal with parenting preteens and a toddler. The big age gap is creating a lot of behavioral issues in my toddler and it is really hard to meet all 4 kids' needs. There was absolutely no advice on these types of problems. Her advice is for ideal situations, not the out of the ordinary. And quite honestly, it's a little hard for me to take advice seriously from a nanny who gets to clock off in the evening and doesn't have to deal with the problems 24/7 like a parent.
Also, it was weird that it suddenly ended with no conclusion or anything.

[Nataliya Naydorf · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an auntie who babysits on the reg, I found this book very helpful in learning how to deal with toddlers. It helps to remember that keeping to a schedule and a resolution to follow through with anything you say (like a time-out) is key to having a child listen to you, even if it’s not your own child. I can imagine this book would be helpful for parents as well to learn techniques of how to deal with behavioral changes in children. The book emphasizes mindfulness as well in that it tells you to step back, observe and then act based on your observations of the situation. Definitely keeping this one on my bookshelf!

[Audrey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow, I’m really disappointed in this book and I love her show both the US and British version, and I also loved her baby care book. Unfortunately, this book was not filled with anything super helpful and this book really shows that she is a nanny and not a parent. She had a very parent shaming tone- like how dare you be tired after working or watching your kids all day!!! I didn’t like this book or her tone at all. Her advice was way too simplistic. I think love and logic might be a better book to read if anyone else was disappointed and looking for something else.

[Izza · Rating 4 out of 5]

A basic parenting book that, like most others, does not offer revolutionary advice, but rather - wide-ranging commonsensical tips that is relatable to most. She posits that managing toddler behaviour rests on 5 fundamentals (not going to spoil it here, but think of human basic needs like sleep, food, etc) and that parents have to stop endeavouring to be experts at each, but rather, to have basic theoretical and practical knowledge of all.

I found her step-by-step advice for managing toddler tantrums (there are 3 main types!) most useful.

[Carolynne Raymond · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book provides a variety of things to try and to keep in mind while my little one grows. Most of them helped and she brings up routine, sleep and what the child needs from the parent, which makes complete sense and found myself thinking “Why didn’t I think of that?!?” I had been pretty lucky, my baby was a very easy going little baby but a couple of months after his second birthday the tantrums and testing his boundaries started up and I was thrown off guard since I was so used to having a chill little guy. Reading this book couldn’t have come at a better time.

[Marisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was full of practical techniques to help you guide your young children through toddlerhood. I started reading it one night and began implementing some of the techniques the next day and saw a huge improvement. Now, 3 weeks later I’m implementing more of the techniques and they are working for my kids and me. We are all a lot happier! I love the focus on making sure a child’s basic needs are met, providing early learning activities (with lots of easy suggestions for how to do this), and the SOS format (Step Back, Observe, Step In).

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know why I kept reading this book; I guess I kept thinking there had to be gems somewhere! The first half is all about sleeping and eating -- which, though important, Frost is not an expert on. I wish she'd just focused on toddler behavior. I did find some useful advice in the latter chapters, though I was extremely irritated by her insistence upon creating "techniques" for everything. (I can't remember specific ones but they were things like the "say please technique" that were just silly. Perhaps this was something her publisher made her do, though.)

[Samantha Jarok · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt like a lot of this was common sense, but sometimes in the heat of the moment you react without thinking and could have responded better. So she does a good job teaching you how to step back and observe the situation before immediately reacting. I also really liked how she gave specific examples and then tips on hold to handle them.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a decent read, but really if you’ve seen a few episodes of Supernanny you already know her tips and tricks. It was good to see it all laid out in one place though and she spends some time explaining why some of the things she does are so important. Most importantly though her suggestions are realistic.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good advice from Jo! I always watched the nanny when I was a teen with my mom. I always liked how Jo handled situations and educated the parents. A lot of the stuff in the book I found that I already do which is a relief, and a few things I’ve learned from this book I can correct from what I already do as well. It’s a good book for struggling toddler parents!

[Bronwyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like Jo Frost's simple and firm approach to discipline. She covers sleeping, eating, early learning, socialization and how it is all strongly linked to good behavior in toddlers. I got out of this book all that you could from a parenting book.