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Elliott lever en drømmetilværelse som en succesfuld tv-forfatter med en skøn kæreste. Men bag sit Instagram-filter af et liv, battler han med en intensiverende alkoholafhængighed, hans cerebral parese får ham til at føle sig som en ”gay Shrek”, og så er han sin kæreste utro med sexarbejdere. Efter at falde ned i en spiral af krise, beslutter Elliott sig for at halte sig mod en sundere tilværelse. Men at stå ansigt til ansigt med sine dæmoner, har altid været nemmere sagt end gjort.
296 pages, Hardcover
First published June 7, 2022
291 people are currently reading
33736 people want to read
About the author
Ryan O'Connell
17 books381 followersRyan O’Connell is a writer and professional feeler of emotions living in Los Angeles. He’s written for Thought Catalog, Vice, The New York Times, Medium, and other publications, as well as for MTV’s Awkward. I’m Special is his first book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,500 reviews
June 15, 2022
This novel has a unique point of view— a disabled gay man who basically blows up his life trying to figure out how to be. O’Connell is wildly funny, witty, smart. The novel is brash and Elliott, the protagonist is almost obsessively drawn. We know everything there is to know about him. Loves his relationship with his father and his boss Ethan. At times some of the humor was repetitive. Like, we get it. And chapter 46 is basically an essay in the middle of a novel, an important essay but in the novel it’s clear the author is speechifying. Cut it! The ending is a bit rushed after so much space five. Over to Elliott’s emotional dilemmas. But it’s all good. It’s a great novel.
November 14, 2022
you could not pay me to care about white rich cis LA gays
i fucking hated Elliott. his entitlement alone. his constant whining. the double standards. him being so fucking annoying.
this took me like six months to read. the only reason i finished it was because i made the mistake of spending money on a physical copy because i liked the cover. those 20 bucks could have gotten me a nice meal. i'm never buying books again, i think this cured my book buying addiction. maybe i can use it as firewood to get me through the winter.
the funniest thing about this book was a tweet i saw yesterday where someone screenshot the opening paragraph of this book ("My boyfriend Gus has a beautiful penis. It's big and thick without being too big or too thick. It has the right number of pulsating veins when hard (the correct number is two). It's not crooked or bent. It's not purple or pink. It's sun-dappled olive.") and all the comments were like "omg is this a coho book 💀"
quality wise they're about the same so are they really wrong? i don't think so.
i fucking hated Elliott. his entitlement alone. his constant whining. the double standards. him being so fucking annoying.
this took me like six months to read. the only reason i finished it was because i made the mistake of spending money on a physical copy because i liked the cover. those 20 bucks could have gotten me a nice meal. i'm never buying books again, i think this cured my book buying addiction. maybe i can use it as firewood to get me through the winter.
the funniest thing about this book was a tweet i saw yesterday where someone screenshot the opening paragraph of this book ("My boyfriend Gus has a beautiful penis. It's big and thick without being too big or too thick. It has the right number of pulsating veins when hard (the correct number is two). It's not crooked or bent. It's not purple or pink. It's sun-dappled olive.") and all the comments were like "omg is this a coho book 💀"
quality wise they're about the same so are they really wrong? i don't think so.
June 20, 2022
I picked this one off the Goodreads June Pride list of 72 books. Happily, it was on Net Galley, so I snagged an early copy. This novel seemed different to me. It centers around Elliott, a 30ish gay man living with a mild case of cerebral palsy. He is working as a television comedy writer. We follow his journey as he battles his way through self-body-shame, alcoholism, sex worker addiction, and a poor work environment towards self-acceptance, perhaps even self-love.
For the first third or so of the book I wasn’t all that enamored with the plot nor Elliott. It seemed a bit surfacy for me. Lots of thoughts about sex and some detailed sex scenes, but I kept reading as, gosh, it was amusing as heck. But as I read on, the story gradually took on much more depth and poignancy as Elliott struggled to find himself, and I became riveted to the story. Despite the more complex nature and intensity of the second half of the book, the humor remained, which almost always enhances a book, IMHO. Some of the side characters were really well written, including Elliott’s boss, Ethan. My favorite however was Elliott’s dad and his unusual relationship with his son.
A couple of other minor criticisms include the fact that I didn’t “get” a lot of the cultural references and had to look them up (obviously my fault for not being cool enough). Also, the ending came too quickly for my taste. Other than its relative brevity, the ending was actually quite heartfelt, really really good, and caused a little tear in my eye.
All in all, I enjoyed this book. I would definitely like to read more from this author who acted and wrote for Queer as Folk. He also has cerebral palsy, like Elliott, and I wonder if at times he was speaking through Elliott as himself. I plan to read O’Connell’s 2015 memoir entitled I’m Special to find out.
I’d like to thank Net Galley, Atria Books, and Ryan O’Connell for an early review copy of the book. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way.
For the first third or so of the book I wasn’t all that enamored with the plot nor Elliott. It seemed a bit surfacy for me. Lots of thoughts about sex and some detailed sex scenes, but I kept reading as, gosh, it was amusing as heck. But as I read on, the story gradually took on much more depth and poignancy as Elliott struggled to find himself, and I became riveted to the story. Despite the more complex nature and intensity of the second half of the book, the humor remained, which almost always enhances a book, IMHO. Some of the side characters were really well written, including Elliott’s boss, Ethan. My favorite however was Elliott’s dad and his unusual relationship with his son.
A couple of other minor criticisms include the fact that I didn’t “get” a lot of the cultural references and had to look them up (obviously my fault for not being cool enough). Also, the ending came too quickly for my taste. Other than its relative brevity, the ending was actually quite heartfelt, really really good, and caused a little tear in my eye.
All in all, I enjoyed this book. I would definitely like to read more from this author who acted and wrote for Queer as Folk. He also has cerebral palsy, like Elliott, and I wonder if at times he was speaking through Elliott as himself. I plan to read O’Connell’s 2015 memoir entitled I’m Special to find out.
I’d like to thank Net Galley, Atria Books, and Ryan O’Connell for an early review copy of the book. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way.
March 3, 2022
If you're a fan of Ryan O'Connell's Netflix series Special, you will absolutely love his upcoming novel,
Just By Looking at Him
! I read this book in two sittings, and my dark circles are here to prove it! Seriously, I just couldn't go to sleep until I finished this one!
The story is centered around a 30ish old gay man named Elliott, living in Los Angeles, with his boyfriend Gus. Elliott is a writer for a popular television series and is doing really well financially, while his boyfriend is still having a bit of a struggle figuring out his destiny when it comes to his career path. Elliott's relationship with Gus is traditional in the eyes of more recent views on homosexuality and relationships—monogamous, aiming for marriage, etc. Sidenote: I guess I'm traditional too! Elliott's relationship is fueled by alcohol and he struggles with confidence because of his cerebral palsy. One day, Elliott begins opening the door and falling into a bender of cheating with sex workers, in hopes that his boyfriend will never find out. However, living a charade is much harder in the gay community. The world is a lot smaller than people think.
As noted above, I loved this book! Ryan O'Connell's book isn't for everyone, but it IS for me. This book is for all gay men everywhere and their allies. This book is honest, hilarious, and raw. I really loved Elliott's sarcasm and wit, along with his vulnerability and honesty. I loved literally every character in this book and I don't think that's happened in a long time. I always knew that Ryan O'Connell was funny and an amazing actor, but he can also write! This book obviously hits close to home for Ryan O'Connell because he also has cerebral palsy, so I now want to read his memoir, I'm Special. I loved every second of reading this book, and I hope you do too!
The story is centered around a 30ish old gay man named Elliott, living in Los Angeles, with his boyfriend Gus. Elliott is a writer for a popular television series and is doing really well financially, while his boyfriend is still having a bit of a struggle figuring out his destiny when it comes to his career path. Elliott's relationship with Gus is traditional in the eyes of more recent views on homosexuality and relationships—monogamous, aiming for marriage, etc. Sidenote: I guess I'm traditional too! Elliott's relationship is fueled by alcohol and he struggles with confidence because of his cerebral palsy. One day, Elliott begins opening the door and falling into a bender of cheating with sex workers, in hopes that his boyfriend will never find out. However, living a charade is much harder in the gay community. The world is a lot smaller than people think.
As noted above, I loved this book! Ryan O'Connell's book isn't for everyone, but it IS for me. This book is for all gay men everywhere and their allies. This book is honest, hilarious, and raw. I really loved Elliott's sarcasm and wit, along with his vulnerability and honesty. I loved literally every character in this book and I don't think that's happened in a long time. I always knew that Ryan O'Connell was funny and an amazing actor, but he can also write! This book obviously hits close to home for Ryan O'Connell because he also has cerebral palsy, so I now want to read his memoir, I'm Special. I loved every second of reading this book, and I hope you do too!
July 6, 2022
Despite all the razzing our dear ol’ Goodreads takes on the regular, I’m pretty sure its Summer Reading List gets the credit for this one even going on my radar. I picked Just By Looking at Him up for the cover since it is most definitely of the variety I love carrying around the office with me for all of the pearl clutchers to see. I didn’t know much else before beginning.
On paper, this shouldn’t have been a hit for me. I’m an old, fat, straight, white lady who really does not enjoy storylines involving cheating (or millennials) and this puppy was chock full of both. And despite being a fogey I never watched Queer as Folk back when it was originally on (in my defense, it’s not because I hate gays, it’s because I was too poor back then to have Showtime). Now all I watch is trash reality so there’s little chance I’ll ever watch the revamp. But that’s where Elliot comes in. He too is a connoisseur of all things Bravo - in fact, his live in boyfriend Gus is a story producer for The Real Housewives of Orange County!!!!!! . . . . .
And that’s how we pretty much hit it off immediately. I also don’t shy away from details of sexual activity and read pornies as palate cleansers, so the smex stuff was A-okay by me. Also, some of my best friends are gay (ha! made you cringe!) and young, so I was able to overlook my own oldster heteronormative relationship dealbreakers like infidelity – especially when Elliot dubbed it the “Cumspringa” making me LOL for realsies. Annnnnnd I’ve made it well known that the loveable losers are my most favorite fictional friends so me adoring all things Elliot was pretty much kismet. But most importantly . . . .
…he agreed that Kyle Richards wasn’t the most compelling Housewife but that she’s an excellent producer and provides access to her sisters, Kathy Hilton and Kim Richards, who are national treasures
I started to wonder about Pink, if she’s ever brought a sex worker into bed with Carey Hart. Are they still married? They were very on-again, off-again, quite the seesaw, but also why the hell did I know this? I’m not remotely a Pink fan. What precious memory in my brain had to die so Carey Hart’s name could live?
Elliot is my lobster and Ryan O’Connell your novel should be treated like it’s going to be the new Sally Rooney. You are worthy of all of the stars and also should I ever get the opportunity please note that I would stalk the crap out of you and Jonathan Parks-Ramage, but not in a wear you like a skin suit way. Promise.
On paper, this shouldn’t have been a hit for me. I’m an old, fat, straight, white lady who really does not enjoy storylines involving cheating (or millennials) and this puppy was chock full of both. And despite being a fogey I never watched Queer as Folk back when it was originally on (in my defense, it’s not because I hate gays, it’s because I was too poor back then to have Showtime). Now all I watch is trash reality so there’s little chance I’ll ever watch the revamp. But that’s where Elliot comes in. He too is a connoisseur of all things Bravo - in fact, his live in boyfriend Gus is a story producer for The Real Housewives of Orange County!!!!!! . . . . .
And that’s how we pretty much hit it off immediately. I also don’t shy away from details of sexual activity and read pornies as palate cleansers, so the smex stuff was A-okay by me. Also, some of my best friends are gay (ha! made you cringe!) and young, so I was able to overlook my own oldster heteronormative relationship dealbreakers like infidelity – especially when Elliot dubbed it the “Cumspringa” making me LOL for realsies. Annnnnnd I’ve made it well known that the loveable losers are my most favorite fictional friends so me adoring all things Elliot was pretty much kismet. But most importantly . . . .
…he agreed that Kyle Richards wasn’t the most compelling Housewife but that she’s an excellent producer and provides access to her sisters, Kathy Hilton and Kim Richards, who are national treasures
I started to wonder about Pink, if she’s ever brought a sex worker into bed with Carey Hart. Are they still married? They were very on-again, off-again, quite the seesaw, but also why the hell did I know this? I’m not remotely a Pink fan. What precious memory in my brain had to die so Carey Hart’s name could live?
Elliot is my lobster and Ryan O’Connell your novel should be treated like it’s going to be the new Sally Rooney. You are worthy of all of the stars and also should I ever get the opportunity please note that I would stalk the crap out of you and Jonathan Parks-Ramage, but not in a wear you like a skin suit way. Promise.
June 29, 2022
Audiobook….read by Ryan O’Connell
….6 hours and 34 minutes
Ryan O’Connell successfully and uniquely writes explicitly about sex in ways most of us are programmed not to listen to.
He manages to remove private threat triggers.
His graphic sex descriptions are honest to the core.
His protagonist is so genuinely sweet, sincere, and honest that nothing feels offensive or disgusting.
Ryan O’Connell, the star of the Netflix series called “Special” normalizes sex talk - gay sex scenarios - as easily as talking about the weather.
“Just by Looking at Him”, (a contemporary LBGTQIA ‘novel’), feels like a memoir….but it’s a novel.
Elliot has cerebral palsy. He’s gay - in his thirties - struggles with too much alcohol drinking, and lives with his boyfriend named Gus. His job is successful as a TV gay writer….but his private life is less so.
Ryan loves Gus, but desires something more than than the comfortable familiar ‘love-sex’ that comes along with his 4 year monogamous relationship. Ryan’s relationship feels a little like moldy food cartons….an almost bankrupt entanglement.
Ryan’s willing to pay for sex — seeking unpredictable sexual thrills with strangers.
He feels bad for cheating — but that didn’t stop him.
The humor is off the charts!!!!!
[I understand this won’t be a book for everyone—but even the most conservative reader might find themselves very surprised by how good this book really is]…
The dialogue couldn’t be more engaging -indefectible - entertaining and real.
Ryan’s audio-voice belongs in the top 1% audio-reading rating group.
He is thoroughly adorably enjoyable!
….6 hours and 34 minutes
Ryan O’Connell successfully and uniquely writes explicitly about sex in ways most of us are programmed not to listen to.
He manages to remove private threat triggers.
His graphic sex descriptions are honest to the core.
His protagonist is so genuinely sweet, sincere, and honest that nothing feels offensive or disgusting.
Ryan O’Connell, the star of the Netflix series called “Special” normalizes sex talk - gay sex scenarios - as easily as talking about the weather.
“Just by Looking at Him”, (a contemporary LBGTQIA ‘novel’), feels like a memoir….but it’s a novel.
Elliot has cerebral palsy. He’s gay - in his thirties - struggles with too much alcohol drinking, and lives with his boyfriend named Gus. His job is successful as a TV gay writer….but his private life is less so.
Ryan loves Gus, but desires something more than than the comfortable familiar ‘love-sex’ that comes along with his 4 year monogamous relationship. Ryan’s relationship feels a little like moldy food cartons….an almost bankrupt entanglement.
Ryan’s willing to pay for sex — seeking unpredictable sexual thrills with strangers.
He feels bad for cheating — but that didn’t stop him.
The humor is off the charts!!!!!
[I understand this won’t be a book for everyone—but even the most conservative reader might find themselves very surprised by how good this book really is]…
The dialogue couldn’t be more engaging -indefectible - entertaining and real.
Ryan’s audio-voice belongs in the top 1% audio-reading rating group.
He is thoroughly adorably enjoyable!
July 7, 2022
About the book: “From the star of Peacock’s Queer as Folk and the Netflix series Special comes a darkly witty and touching novel following a gay TV writer with cerebral palsy as he fights addiction and searches for acceptance in an overwhelmingly ableist world.”
I read Just by Looking at Him in one sitting. Elliott’s story is witty, edgy, sexy (open door), bold, and insightful. It’s laugh out loud funny at times and impeccably written without a spare word.
The characters stand out, especially Elliott, who shares all his vulnerability with the reader. I learned from what he shared, when it comes to ableism and life with a physical disability. The author also has cerebral palsy, and I plan to read his memoir, Special, soon. I would read anything he writes! Bonus, his partner, Jonathan Parks-Ramage, is the author of Yes, Daddy, which I also have on my summer TBR.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
I read Just by Looking at Him in one sitting. Elliott’s story is witty, edgy, sexy (open door), bold, and insightful. It’s laugh out loud funny at times and impeccably written without a spare word.
The characters stand out, especially Elliott, who shares all his vulnerability with the reader. I learned from what he shared, when it comes to ableism and life with a physical disability. The author also has cerebral palsy, and I plan to read his memoir, Special, soon. I would read anything he writes! Bonus, his partner, Jonathan Parks-Ramage, is the author of Yes, Daddy, which I also have on my summer TBR.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
June 23, 2022
4.5. Brilliant and hilarious and joyful and sorrowful and gay tv writers and sex between disabled people and alcoholism
May 7, 2022
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Genre: Literary Fiction + Contemporary + LGBTQIA
Elliot is a disabled gay man in his 30s suffering from cerebral palsy and living together with his boyfriend, Gus. Elliot is a writer for a television show about a robot called “Sammy Says”. The show is popular and doing really well for the network. And this is also reflected in the writers of the show financially. The story is told from the main character’s perspective (own voice) and it is about Elliot’s relationship with his boyfriend, colleagues, boss, dad, and everybody else in his life.
I enjoyed reading the book a lot. It reads more like a memoir or a slice of life story. It is funny, and at times sarcastic. The story tackles the gay lifestyle and questions the monogamy in gay relationships whether it is the right choice for everybody or not. It does not force any ideas on you but lets all the events unfold before your eyes for you to make the judgment. I appreciate how the author maintained the complexity of relationships. The characters felt very real to me. Their issues are genuine and their questions are understandable.
“Lately I’d been feeling more and more that monogamy, like capitalism or keto, wasn’t sustainable, but I couldn’t be sure Gus was on the same page.”
The book has many trigger warnings like alcoholism, cheating, explicit sex, etc. Yet all these subjects are handled very well by the author. The characters reacted differently to these sensitive subjects including the disability. And each one of them had his own view or way to deal with them. I think this made the book more interesting as there are different and multiple views on the same subject. The disability subject plays a big part in this novel. Readers will get an idea and more of how the disabled feel when treated in a special way. I feel disabled readers will feel the writing is very relatable.
The author of this book, Ryan O’Connell is an actor too. He appeared on the Netflix series Special which was the TV adaptation of his book “I’m Special”. Currently, he is working on the revival of the TV show “Queer As Folk”. I haven’t watched any of his work yet but all I can say right now is that he is a fabulous writer and a great storyteller. I will check out his other books for sure.
Many thanks to the publisher Atria Books, and NetGalley for providing me with an advance reader copy of this book.
Genre: Literary Fiction + Contemporary + LGBTQIA
Elliot is a disabled gay man in his 30s suffering from cerebral palsy and living together with his boyfriend, Gus. Elliot is a writer for a television show about a robot called “Sammy Says”. The show is popular and doing really well for the network. And this is also reflected in the writers of the show financially. The story is told from the main character’s perspective (own voice) and it is about Elliot’s relationship with his boyfriend, colleagues, boss, dad, and everybody else in his life.
I enjoyed reading the book a lot. It reads more like a memoir or a slice of life story. It is funny, and at times sarcastic. The story tackles the gay lifestyle and questions the monogamy in gay relationships whether it is the right choice for everybody or not. It does not force any ideas on you but lets all the events unfold before your eyes for you to make the judgment. I appreciate how the author maintained the complexity of relationships. The characters felt very real to me. Their issues are genuine and their questions are understandable.
“Lately I’d been feeling more and more that monogamy, like capitalism or keto, wasn’t sustainable, but I couldn’t be sure Gus was on the same page.”
The book has many trigger warnings like alcoholism, cheating, explicit sex, etc. Yet all these subjects are handled very well by the author. The characters reacted differently to these sensitive subjects including the disability. And each one of them had his own view or way to deal with them. I think this made the book more interesting as there are different and multiple views on the same subject. The disability subject plays a big part in this novel. Readers will get an idea and more of how the disabled feel when treated in a special way. I feel disabled readers will feel the writing is very relatable.
The author of this book, Ryan O’Connell is an actor too. He appeared on the Netflix series Special which was the TV adaptation of his book “I’m Special”. Currently, he is working on the revival of the TV show “Queer As Folk”. I haven’t watched any of his work yet but all I can say right now is that he is a fabulous writer and a great storyteller. I will check out his other books for sure.
Many thanks to the publisher Atria Books, and NetGalley for providing me with an advance reader copy of this book.
June 6, 2022
Ryan O'Connell's foray into fiction, in Just By Looking at Him, struggles to free itself from Twitter-isms enough to shine light on its beautiful story underneath.
Elliot is a successful television writer in a relationship with Gus that, at least from the outside, seems to be equally as successful. Gus is able to care for Elliot and ensure that Elliot's cerebral palsy does not prevent him from living life. But Elliot becomes increasingly frustrated: with his relationship, with his substance abuse issues, and with his own relationship with his disability. As he confronts all of these, he realizes that his desire to assimilate and to avoid thinking about his own disability has deeply impacted his ability to live life.
The underlying message of Just By Looking at Him is beautiful but the medium of the message is itself quite messy. O'Connell writes much like a comedian tweets and this writing makes it really hard to connect with the characters. In fact, one of the key elements of the book - that the main character has internal struggles addressing his disability - was not clear to me until 2/3 into the book when the character was finally resolving this issue. This book has an important message about people with disabilities, queerness, and self-love, but this message is muddied by the language used to convey it.
Elliot is a successful television writer in a relationship with Gus that, at least from the outside, seems to be equally as successful. Gus is able to care for Elliot and ensure that Elliot's cerebral palsy does not prevent him from living life. But Elliot becomes increasingly frustrated: with his relationship, with his substance abuse issues, and with his own relationship with his disability. As he confronts all of these, he realizes that his desire to assimilate and to avoid thinking about his own disability has deeply impacted his ability to live life.
The underlying message of Just By Looking at Him is beautiful but the medium of the message is itself quite messy. O'Connell writes much like a comedian tweets and this writing makes it really hard to connect with the characters. In fact, one of the key elements of the book - that the main character has internal struggles addressing his disability - was not clear to me until 2/3 into the book when the character was finally resolving this issue. This book has an important message about people with disabilities, queerness, and self-love, but this message is muddied by the language used to convey it.
June 14, 2022
Thanks to Atria Books for ARC “Just by Looking at Him” by Ryan O’Connell for an honest review.
Ahhh, I breathed this book. I loved the characters, the raw humor, the vulnerability, the honesty. My gay son also has physical disabilities and this book stole my heart—I never in my wildest dreams thought there’d be an amazing book like this. Thank You author Ryan O’Connell for another piece of your heart—everything you do turns to Gold. 🏆
Ahhh, I breathed this book. I loved the characters, the raw humor, the vulnerability, the honesty. My gay son also has physical disabilities and this book stole my heart—I never in my wildest dreams thought there’d be an amazing book like this. Thank You author Ryan O’Connell for another piece of your heart—everything you do turns to Gold. 🏆
July 15, 2023
The novel starts with a terrible opening line: "My boyfriend Gus has a beautiful penis."
No, even if I were 200% more gay than I am, I couldn't take this book seriously and as something positive. The main reason I dislike it is because it makes stereotypes that gay men are only sex animals. As if the LGBTQ community is not already stereotyped, prejudiced and hated by society thinking that everything's about sex.
This book is like a poor TV show screenplay being taken out of the trash. Just the bunch of gay men fucking around. The characters have ZERO personality.
We get it, Ryan O'Connell, you're gay! But you don't need to mention the word "gay" for 200 times. Stick to your writing for Netflix shows, because you're a bad and toxic example for a LGBTQ community.
No, even if I were 200% more gay than I am, I couldn't take this book seriously and as something positive. The main reason I dislike it is because it makes stereotypes that gay men are only sex animals. As if the LGBTQ community is not already stereotyped, prejudiced and hated by society thinking that everything's about sex.
This book is like a poor TV show screenplay being taken out of the trash. Just the bunch of gay men fucking around. The characters have ZERO personality.
We get it, Ryan O'Connell, you're gay! But you don't need to mention the word "gay" for 200 times. Stick to your writing for Netflix shows, because you're a bad and toxic example for a LGBTQ community.
June 24, 2022
I liked how the book discussed disability and self-love, but I still I cant think of anyone I would recommend this book to. Sure, there are some cute moments, but they are overshadowed by so much discussion on wealth and snobbery. What’s the point of sharing the price of pretty much everything the main character bought? The tone is condescending.
This book will not age well. As a matter of fact, it already hasn’t.
This book will not age well. As a matter of fact, it already hasn’t.
September 7, 2022
When I finished the book I thought it was a 4 stars but I have been thinking of it since I read it and that deserves a 5 stars. It definitely left an impression on me as I rarely think of a book that much after finishing it.
June 21, 2022
Pop culture references are cringe.
May 20, 2022
Thank you to Simon & Schuster and Atria books for sending me an audiobook and ARC to review
First of all, let's take a moment to appreciate this stunning cover! This book feels turquoise to me, don't ask me clarify, I can't, it's just how I feel.
Just by Looking at Him is equal parts hilarious and pensive. Elliot's narrative voice had me doubled over laughing on seemingly every page. It takes tremendous skill to balance such a jovial tone with the serious soul searching that's peppered throughout this book.
One of my favorite things about being a reader is how it allows me the tiniest glimpse into a life experience so different from my own. Elliot's candid commentary on being a gay man in hollywood and living with a disability was eye opening. It's a story I think many people will not only whole-heartedly enjoy, but walk away from with an even greater understanding and respect for an identity that doesn't get represented enough in mainstream media. I particularly connected with Elliot's thoughts around alcohol and how we are essentially socialized into addictive behavior.
Just by Looking at Him is a hilarious and heartfelt self-exploration that moves through the funny and tough bits of living with a disability.
First of all, let's take a moment to appreciate this stunning cover! This book feels turquoise to me, don't ask me clarify, I can't, it's just how I feel.
Just by Looking at Him is equal parts hilarious and pensive. Elliot's narrative voice had me doubled over laughing on seemingly every page. It takes tremendous skill to balance such a jovial tone with the serious soul searching that's peppered throughout this book.
One of my favorite things about being a reader is how it allows me the tiniest glimpse into a life experience so different from my own. Elliot's candid commentary on being a gay man in hollywood and living with a disability was eye opening. It's a story I think many people will not only whole-heartedly enjoy, but walk away from with an even greater understanding and respect for an identity that doesn't get represented enough in mainstream media. I particularly connected with Elliot's thoughts around alcohol and how we are essentially socialized into addictive behavior.
Just by Looking at Him is a hilarious and heartfelt self-exploration that moves through the funny and tough bits of living with a disability.
June 4, 2022
I absolutely adored this novel. With acerbic wit and emotional complexity, O’Connell chronicles the self-discovery of Elliott, a queer disabled man in his 30s navigating his relationship with his partner, alcohol, and body in an ableist society. I loved O’Connell’s show, Special, and his book contains everything I loved about it and more. This book is ripe with explorations of sex and desire, with a narrator making many morally questionable decisions in his quest to fill the void (including cheating on his partner with numerous escorts; he ponders, “When will I stop filling my hole to feel whole?”). Elliott is a bit of a disaster yet is always crafted with nuance. What I loved the most about this is the voice - the novel handles sticky topics in a witty yet frank tone that is both perceptive and hilarious (major Melissa Broder vibes, my queen - they also have an event together for the upcoming release!). The audiobook is read by O’Connell and his narration brings even more humor and heart to the story. With quick, pacey chapters, I couldn’t put this down. I really hope we get more novels from O’Connell, as this was an absolute treat.
June 28, 2022
I understand why people are not loving this book because of its pop culture references and very "in-the-moment" & "terminally-online" style of writing, but I think that's what makes this book work so well. It's a real snapshot of gay life in 2022 including the world of sex, friendships, relationships, and references, though the references are skewed very LA Twitter gay. Though many people found the characters unlikeable, I found them to be realistic and complex with their own difficult and layered issues. Also, this was so refreshing after so many mainstream published m/m books have been so sterilized (though, as a note, this is not necessarily a romance).
December 23, 2023
LOVED.
"I'm waiting for able-bodied people to be like "Oops, babe, we fucked this one up, didn't we?" and feature us on magazine covers and give us ramps and meaningful employment and pass real legislation. It's wild to be ignored in a culture that currently has such a hard-on against injustice. When the fuck will it be our turn?"
A very powerful story of an alcoholic gay man working in television writing, cheating on his boyfriend, and trying to come to terms with his disability and how it impacts his psyche. The writing in this is a very specific sense of humor, which I really loved but might not be for everyone. I accept that. If you like the humor, you'll love the book. (The audiobook read by the author is also great, because so much of his humor lives in his delivery of the jokes.)
Separate from the humor/writing/production, I loved the way this explored the conversation around ableism, microaggressions against the disabled community, and ultimately how those two forces can impact a disabled person's understanding of who they are. Elliot is on a real journey in this book!
There's just really something special here. I think, if forced, I would give this 4.5 stars. But I hate star ratings, and mostly I'd just widely recommend this one to consumers of contemporary/lit fic, or anyone looking to better understand the experience of being disabled today.
*Disclaimer: Lots of sex in this book*
"I'm waiting for able-bodied people to be like "Oops, babe, we fucked this one up, didn't we?" and feature us on magazine covers and give us ramps and meaningful employment and pass real legislation. It's wild to be ignored in a culture that currently has such a hard-on against injustice. When the fuck will it be our turn?"
A very powerful story of an alcoholic gay man working in television writing, cheating on his boyfriend, and trying to come to terms with his disability and how it impacts his psyche. The writing in this is a very specific sense of humor, which I really loved but might not be for everyone. I accept that. If you like the humor, you'll love the book. (The audiobook read by the author is also great, because so much of his humor lives in his delivery of the jokes.)
Separate from the humor/writing/production, I loved the way this explored the conversation around ableism, microaggressions against the disabled community, and ultimately how those two forces can impact a disabled person's understanding of who they are. Elliot is on a real journey in this book!
There's just really something special here. I think, if forced, I would give this 4.5 stars. But I hate star ratings, and mostly I'd just widely recommend this one to consumers of contemporary/lit fic, or anyone looking to better understand the experience of being disabled today.
*Disclaimer: Lots of sex in this book*
June 10, 2022
Two stars feels incredibly generous given the serious issues I had experiencing this book. In all actuality the second star is really just for Ryan as a person because I doubt I would have enjoyed this experience as much had he not read it to me...
I also feel bad on some level because this was a book I was looking forward to? I happened across O'Connell's Netflix show during one of the lockdowns and it became one of the only reason I was happy to tune into Netflix and so when I saw this book was coming out I eagerly emailed the publisher asking for an arc. Now here we are... and I didn't have a good time...
I'll also say that this is a book I think past Monte would have loved. The Monte that was deep in his Chad Kultgen bag as a baby faced nineteen year old? He was eating up books like this. That aren't so much regular degular general fiction, that sort of aspire to literary fiction status filled with protagonists that cheat and have copious amounts of sex, some of it questionable? He would have probably given this five stars because it hits all of that and it's gay.
The Monte of the present just wasn't vibing.
Elliott was utterly insufferable, and on some level, maybe even all of them, that was almost certainly the intention. I don't think that the reader was really supposed to root for him... At the same time though the narrative does a piss poor job of giving the reader any reason to care about the evolution of his character in the last third of the book.
Just yesterday in my discussion about Counterfeit I praised that book for being aggressively commercial, and I think that Just by Looking at Him sort of wants to play in that same playground. Here though this feels like something that should never have been a novel. In fact as a novel it hardly works. The chapters feel disjointed, which was only exacerbated by the weird quirk of the audiobook to have what felt like an eternity of silence before the start of the next chapter, the breaks only seeming to exist because O'Connell has reached the end of a thought with little attention given as to how to transition from one moment to the next. It's a choice that I think is bring praised raw and real, but it felt unpolished and only served to aggressively limit my enjoyment of the text.
In a lot of ways this novel feels like a fleshed out pitch for another streaming show, a streaming show that I would certainly tune in to watch because I think that it would just be a stronger medium for the story and would probably play better to O'Connell's actual strengths. As it stands I doubt I would recommend this to most readers unless it was already on their radar because for me this was a certain swing and a miss.
I also feel bad on some level because this was a book I was looking forward to? I happened across O'Connell's Netflix show during one of the lockdowns and it became one of the only reason I was happy to tune into Netflix and so when I saw this book was coming out I eagerly emailed the publisher asking for an arc. Now here we are... and I didn't have a good time...
I'll also say that this is a book I think past Monte would have loved. The Monte that was deep in his Chad Kultgen bag as a baby faced nineteen year old? He was eating up books like this. That aren't so much regular degular general fiction, that sort of aspire to literary fiction status filled with protagonists that cheat and have copious amounts of sex, some of it questionable? He would have probably given this five stars because it hits all of that and it's gay.
The Monte of the present just wasn't vibing.
Elliott was utterly insufferable, and on some level, maybe even all of them, that was almost certainly the intention. I don't think that the reader was really supposed to root for him... At the same time though the narrative does a piss poor job of giving the reader any reason to care about the evolution of his character in the last third of the book.
Just yesterday in my discussion about Counterfeit I praised that book for being aggressively commercial, and I think that Just by Looking at Him sort of wants to play in that same playground. Here though this feels like something that should never have been a novel. In fact as a novel it hardly works. The chapters feel disjointed, which was only exacerbated by the weird quirk of the audiobook to have what felt like an eternity of silence before the start of the next chapter, the breaks only seeming to exist because O'Connell has reached the end of a thought with little attention given as to how to transition from one moment to the next. It's a choice that I think is bring praised raw and real, but it felt unpolished and only served to aggressively limit my enjoyment of the text.
In a lot of ways this novel feels like a fleshed out pitch for another streaming show, a streaming show that I would certainly tune in to watch because I think that it would just be a stronger medium for the story and would probably play better to O'Connell's actual strengths. As it stands I doubt I would recommend this to most readers unless it was already on their radar because for me this was a certain swing and a miss.
October 31, 2022
4.5/5
"Which Kardashian do I need to throw down the stairs and paralyze to get a disabled person on the cover of Vanity Fair?"
Viršelis apgauna. Beveik atrodo, kad čia Call me by your name ar Mano policininko tipo LGBTQ+ literatūra. Šį kartą – ne visai. Knyga taip bittersweet, skausmingai ir aktualiai juokinga – tiesa, humoras labai specifinis, dažnai nutaikytas į Amerikos kultūrą, todėl turbūt ne visiems fainas ir/ar aiškus (o ir gal greitai senstantis?), bet jo daug ir jis padeda kapstytis temose, kurios ne tokios jau dažnos. Autorius rašo apie tai, ką žino geriausiai – jaučiasi. Jis kalba apie cerebriniu paralyžiumi sergantį gėjų, dirbantį scenarijų rašytoju, stipriai per daug uždirbantį ir turintį priklausomybę nuo alkoholio. Ties visais šiais aspektais galima dėti varnelę ir prie paties autoriaus, todėl knyga skaitosi labai organiškai ir nesinori narstyti ją loginiu aspektu – jeigu žmogus tai išgyveno, man belieka patikėti. Ir patikėti nesunku. Skyriai trumpučiai, o problemos, nors labai gilios, aprašomos lengva ranka. Aš irgi iš tų, kurie skausmą humoru dangsto todėl mums – pakeliui.
Davatkas išgąsdins laaaabai smulkmeniški sekso (ir dar gėjų, jėzusmarija) aprašymai. Bet man buvo įdomu, o dažnai dar ir linksma – nes seksas, neturintis scenarijaus ir režisieriaus, kartais būna ir negrabus, ir nejaukus, ir net nebūtinai malonus, ypač jei esi paskendęs savo paties galvoje. Bet geriausia dalis – autoriaus užuolaidos praskleidimas į gyvenimą su CP. Knygai artėjant prie pabaigos, daugėja skausmingo atvirumo, suvokimo, pripažinimų. O pakeliui, koja kojon žengia daug ryškių, įdomių, gerai išplėtotų veikėjų. Pusžvaigždutė nukrenta tik dėl to, kad pabaiga man pasirodė čiut suskubėta, o ir mano skoniui paskutiniame trečdalyje buvo per daug savipagalbos knygos vaibo. Suprantu kodėl jis, bet man jis baisingai pjovėsi su kita knygos dalimi. Bet kokiu atveju rekomenduoju skaityti – nepaprastai įtraukianti, linksma, bet ir reikalinga knyga, tikra ir šviežia.
"Which Kardashian do I need to throw down the stairs and paralyze to get a disabled person on the cover of Vanity Fair?"
Viršelis apgauna. Beveik atrodo, kad čia Call me by your name ar Mano policininko tipo LGBTQ+ literatūra. Šį kartą – ne visai. Knyga taip bittersweet, skausmingai ir aktualiai juokinga – tiesa, humoras labai specifinis, dažnai nutaikytas į Amerikos kultūrą, todėl turbūt ne visiems fainas ir/ar aiškus (o ir gal greitai senstantis?), bet jo daug ir jis padeda kapstytis temose, kurios ne tokios jau dažnos. Autorius rašo apie tai, ką žino geriausiai – jaučiasi. Jis kalba apie cerebriniu paralyžiumi sergantį gėjų, dirbantį scenarijų rašytoju, stipriai per daug uždirbantį ir turintį priklausomybę nuo alkoholio. Ties visais šiais aspektais galima dėti varnelę ir prie paties autoriaus, todėl knyga skaitosi labai organiškai ir nesinori narstyti ją loginiu aspektu – jeigu žmogus tai išgyveno, man belieka patikėti. Ir patikėti nesunku. Skyriai trumpučiai, o problemos, nors labai gilios, aprašomos lengva ranka. Aš irgi iš tų, kurie skausmą humoru dangsto todėl mums – pakeliui.
Davatkas išgąsdins laaaabai smulkmeniški sekso (ir dar gėjų, jėzusmarija) aprašymai. Bet man buvo įdomu, o dažnai dar ir linksma – nes seksas, neturintis scenarijaus ir režisieriaus, kartais būna ir negrabus, ir nejaukus, ir net nebūtinai malonus, ypač jei esi paskendęs savo paties galvoje. Bet geriausia dalis – autoriaus užuolaidos praskleidimas į gyvenimą su CP. Knygai artėjant prie pabaigos, daugėja skausmingo atvirumo, suvokimo, pripažinimų. O pakeliui, koja kojon žengia daug ryškių, įdomių, gerai išplėtotų veikėjų. Pusžvaigždutė nukrenta tik dėl to, kad pabaiga man pasirodė čiut suskubėta, o ir mano skoniui paskutiniame trečdalyje buvo per daug savipagalbos knygos vaibo. Suprantu kodėl jis, bet man jis baisingai pjovėsi su kita knygos dalimi. Bet kokiu atveju rekomenduoju skaityti – nepaprastai įtraukianti, linksma, bet ir reikalinga knyga, tikra ir šviežia.
November 1, 2023
There is a person here, a person, not a character, writing this book. And news for you: people suck. We are flawed, we do stupid things, we live with tons of fears, we lie, we act in contradiction of everything we say and stand for.
This kind of sincerity is rare, blunt, raw and fucking amazing. And also very much not for YA literature lovers, you sad bitches.
Also, growing up is scary, looking at oneself in the mirror with wide open eyes is scary, so I guess this makes for the perfect Halloween read.
Thank you, Mr O'Connell.
P.S.: What the fuck is the deal with this lame cover?
This kind of sincerity is rare, blunt, raw and fucking amazing. And also very much not for YA literature lovers, you sad bitches.
Also, growing up is scary, looking at oneself in the mirror with wide open eyes is scary, so I guess this makes for the perfect Halloween read.
Thank you, Mr O'Connell.
P.S.: What the fuck is the deal with this lame cover?
Want to read
April 29, 2022thank you to netgalley for the arc!
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yes yes yes! please let's talk about ableism in the queer community but first, let's talk about the gorgeous henry scott tuke painting on this cover...
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yes yes yes! please let's talk about ableism in the queer community but first, let's talk about the gorgeous henry scott tuke painting on this cover...
November 8, 2023
This book was SO GOOD
June 9, 2022
Real Rating: 3.75* of five, rounded up because no half-stars.
Read this interview with Author O'Connell on LitHub!
I RECEIVED THIS DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: No one, looking from the outside in, will ever know what others are enduring, surviving, overcoming...or hiding. The author's got a track record of blowing the doors off handy hiding places...go watch his first show, Special, if you're in any doubt...and he's brought his unsparing honesty to bear on fiction about the supremely ableist gay-male world. Being a gay male, that's what he knows, so that's perfectly fair. It's a solid, explanatory fact that the author, writer for and star in the Peacock revival of Queer as Folk as well as the creator of the Netflix series Special based on his differently-abled-gay-guy memoir I'm Special and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves, is also the partner of Jonathan Parks-Ramage of Yes, Daddy fame.
This, then, is a Personage within QUILTBAG creativeland. I expected that I would be treated to outstanding stories told in superbly structured chapters.
I didn't get that.
I did get the expected honest and unflinching, no-bullshit presentation of Elliott's struggles with what I'd call impostor syndrome, fear of rejection, and a huge self-confidence deficit stemming from being gay and having cerebral palsy. I got hefty doses of snark and sarcasm; I got unblinking acknowledgment of the harm divergent career paths and the temptations of sudden financial freedom present in a couple's life. I got the eternal, and unwinnable, struggle of people to be monogamous when there is a vast smorgasbord of yummy side dishes available in any number of technologically assisted ways.
It was a lot of fun to read the author's one-liners, eg: "Lately I’d been feeling more and more that monogamy, like capitalism or keto, wasn’t sustainable, but I couldn’t be sure Gus was on the same page." It was not quite as much fun to have the funny one-liners be the book. It's like reading a really hilarious Twitter thread. (Seriously...seventy-four chapters is way, way too many for three hundred-ish pages.) After a while, enough with this...I'm working harder than I think I should have to to get the laffs. It's the comedy set that goes on too long, the Saturday Night Live skit that refuses to end.
It's also the man's first novel, these are common problems with comedic first novels, and there's not one thing in here that I didn't think belonged; it's just that it belonged in a slightly different structure. There's a great deal of sexual material and a great deal of discussion, in what I found slightly cringe-worthy (ie, dismissively dealt with via humor) terms, of substance abuse. It really highlights a very significant issue I felt as I got deeper and deeper into Elliott's story: He's really blind to his white cismale privilege. He's disabled, and an addict; but he deals with those problems from a very, very high platform that puts him in reach of all kinds of support and help.
Lamenting the innocence of 2012 wasn't a great idea, either, Author O'Connell. Things were easier? For men like us, maybe, but things are only getting better too slowly for others not white, not male, and not well off. We're still MILES ahead in this miserable race called "being American." Using self-deprecating humor to deflect negative awareness of one's privilege isn't a viable strategy in this day and age. (Maybe that's what the author meant about 2012 being easier?)
On balance, then, while I laughed and even found a lot of the self-reflection (primarily done at the end of the book) moving, I was too aware of some problems with the way this book was conceived and executed that, quite honestly, I didn't expect to see in 2022's publishing environment.
Read this interview with Author O'Connell on LitHub!
I RECEIVED THIS DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: No one, looking from the outside in, will ever know what others are enduring, surviving, overcoming...or hiding. The author's got a track record of blowing the doors off handy hiding places...go watch his first show, Special, if you're in any doubt...and he's brought his unsparing honesty to bear on fiction about the supremely ableist gay-male world. Being a gay male, that's what he knows, so that's perfectly fair. It's a solid, explanatory fact that the author, writer for and star in the Peacock revival of Queer as Folk as well as the creator of the Netflix series Special based on his differently-abled-gay-guy memoir I'm Special and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves, is also the partner of Jonathan Parks-Ramage of Yes, Daddy fame.
This, then, is a Personage within QUILTBAG creativeland. I expected that I would be treated to outstanding stories told in superbly structured chapters.
I didn't get that.
I did get the expected honest and unflinching, no-bullshit presentation of Elliott's struggles with what I'd call impostor syndrome, fear of rejection, and a huge self-confidence deficit stemming from being gay and having cerebral palsy. I got hefty doses of snark and sarcasm; I got unblinking acknowledgment of the harm divergent career paths and the temptations of sudden financial freedom present in a couple's life. I got the eternal, and unwinnable, struggle of people to be monogamous when there is a vast smorgasbord of yummy side dishes available in any number of technologically assisted ways.
It was a lot of fun to read the author's one-liners, eg: "Lately I’d been feeling more and more that monogamy, like capitalism or keto, wasn’t sustainable, but I couldn’t be sure Gus was on the same page." It was not quite as much fun to have the funny one-liners be the book. It's like reading a really hilarious Twitter thread. (Seriously...seventy-four chapters is way, way too many for three hundred-ish pages.) After a while, enough with this...I'm working harder than I think I should have to to get the laffs. It's the comedy set that goes on too long, the Saturday Night Live skit that refuses to end.
It's also the man's first novel, these are common problems with comedic first novels, and there's not one thing in here that I didn't think belonged; it's just that it belonged in a slightly different structure. There's a great deal of sexual material and a great deal of discussion, in what I found slightly cringe-worthy (ie, dismissively dealt with via humor) terms, of substance abuse. It really highlights a very significant issue I felt as I got deeper and deeper into Elliott's story: He's really blind to his white cismale privilege. He's disabled, and an addict; but he deals with those problems from a very, very high platform that puts him in reach of all kinds of support and help.
Lamenting the innocence of 2012 wasn't a great idea, either, Author O'Connell. Things were easier? For men like us, maybe, but things are only getting better too slowly for others not white, not male, and not well off. We're still MILES ahead in this miserable race called "being American." Using self-deprecating humor to deflect negative awareness of one's privilege isn't a viable strategy in this day and age. (Maybe that's what the author meant about 2012 being easier?)
On balance, then, while I laughed and even found a lot of the self-reflection (primarily done at the end of the book) moving, I was too aware of some problems with the way this book was conceived and executed that, quite honestly, I didn't expect to see in 2022's publishing environment.
June 9, 2022
A pretty decent read. I found O'Connell's exploration of the difficulties surrounding sex when you have a disability to be really interesting and wish they had been expanded upon more. I think the book's two biggest issues are that most of the characters other than Elliott are essentially just "hot gay man" and don't have much to them beyond that (even his boyfriend Gus is fairly one-dimensional), and there are a couple of chapters where O'Connell essentially grandstands his political beliefs through Elliott's inner-monologue and these sections felt very obvious and out of place. Oh and the writing did get on my nerves a little, like unironic uses of hashtags in the text and frequent uses of lol, two things which I firmly believe don't work in books.
I will say this definitely has the m/m sex scenes I've come across, and honestly even if that's all you care about it makes it a worthwhile read. The MC, Elliott, is surprisingly likeable despite the whole alcoholism and sex-worker addict thing... And I really liked where the story ended up.
I'd recommend it.
I will say this definitely has the m/m sex scenes I've come across, and honestly even if that's all you care about it makes it a worthwhile read. The MC, Elliott, is surprisingly likeable despite the whole alcoholism and sex-worker addict thing... And I really liked where the story ended up.
I'd recommend it.
January 11, 2024
2023/22
I'm sorry, but this book is a NO for me, and here I'm going to try and explain why.
To begin with, this novel is one of those stories that you can't take seriously while reading it, not only because everything seems too fake, but also because there is nothing underneath the surface, so to speak. There is no story, properly speaking, but only a bunch of random situations that our protagonist is living, decisions that seem to lead him to change his life, somehow, but in the end there is no change whatsoever. Now, just in case our main character did change, that our protagonist is learning something in these pages, you can't tell that due to the fact that this book has a poor narrative. I don't like when I have to talk about how shallow and generic a story is, but this was really too much for me to bear.
Not only was the prose so simple and basic, describing situations in the simplest way possible, without giving you the possibility of living the story, but the characters were also quite one dimensional and lifeless. Speaking of the characters, gosh!, it's been a while since the last time I read a book where the characters were so despicable and very unpleasant; for sure, if the author wanted us to hate his characters, the goal has been achieved. Also, when you think that Elliot, the protagonist, is the exception that proves the rule, immediately you are very disappointed as you find out he is one of the worst.
Elliot is an annoying character, yes, but he is also complaining about the world, in fact, he doesn't miss any opportunity to do so. He says at the very beginning that he has cerebral palsy but that he wishes to be treated like everyone else, he doesn't want people to feel sorry for him, and it's understandable. But then, all of a sudden, he changes his mind and now he is telling you that this world is not designed for people with disabilities—which is something that I totally understand, I get it—but also that people don't seem to see him enough. He talks about his condition once and again and again, perhaps quite a few times, however, he had said he didn't want us to see him as someone different, but either I missed the point, or I was distracted by the amount of unpleasant situations that were frequently taking place, but Elliot doesn't seem to be sure about what he really wants. Besides, his development as a character was almost nothing, very shallow indeed; as for the ending, it was disappointing and awful, as if this story eventually became a fairy tale.
I still don't understand why in contemporary books adult characters behave as if they were children or mean teenagers; these days it is a commonplace to portray characters that are acting so immature and stupid, so why are authors still doing that? Plus, those chapters where we get to see Elliot in his job, holy cow!, what a terrible work environment that is. An employer making an employee have a breakdown and then laughing at him, I don't doubt there are such situations in real life, but again, I didn't get the point of all this stuff here.
Finally, and this is even funny because I can take it seriously, this book is supposed to be inclusive, and it is to a certain point, unless you are a white, straight man, in that case we don't care about you... Really?! As a gay man myself, whose closest male friends are all straight—by the way, if this book describes a type of gay culture I don't know, that is furthermore supposed to be real, I'd rather live my own 'gay culture,' whatever that means, than find out this other one—I couldn't help but be dumbfounded by the amount of negative things the protagonist says about straight men. It is disgusting the way this book describes them, saying that 'straight guys suck. We have our own culture and it’s way better.' But why is our culture better? That doesn't say.
All in all, this book was a big disappointment to me, perhaps the worst novel I've read since April—or was it May?—2022 when I read another contemporary story about, wait for it, toxic and problematic relationships too. Just by Looking at Him was supposed to be an entertaining, addictive novel and turned out to be a dull, poorly written book. It is by no means inclusive, nor is a story where you can relate to the characters or their lives. Everything is too plastic for you to do so. At this point I was just wondering, why is the protagonist telling us the cost of everything he is buying, even, for instance, a salad or a brunch, if it is crystal clear that he is a wealthy guy from the very beginning? It seems like this book also needed an editor.
My rating on a scale of 1 to 5:
Quality of writing [1.5/5]
Pace [2/5]
Plot development [1/5]
Characters [1/5]
Enjoyability [1.5/5]
Insightfulness [1/5]
Easy of reading [2/5]
Photos/Illustrations [N/A]
Total [10/7] = 1.42
I'm sorry, but this book is a NO for me, and here I'm going to try and explain why.
To begin with, this novel is one of those stories that you can't take seriously while reading it, not only because everything seems too fake, but also because there is nothing underneath the surface, so to speak. There is no story, properly speaking, but only a bunch of random situations that our protagonist is living, decisions that seem to lead him to change his life, somehow, but in the end there is no change whatsoever. Now, just in case our main character did change, that our protagonist is learning something in these pages, you can't tell that due to the fact that this book has a poor narrative. I don't like when I have to talk about how shallow and generic a story is, but this was really too much for me to bear.
Not only was the prose so simple and basic, describing situations in the simplest way possible, without giving you the possibility of living the story, but the characters were also quite one dimensional and lifeless. Speaking of the characters, gosh!, it's been a while since the last time I read a book where the characters were so despicable and very unpleasant; for sure, if the author wanted us to hate his characters, the goal has been achieved. Also, when you think that Elliot, the protagonist, is the exception that proves the rule, immediately you are very disappointed as you find out he is one of the worst.
Elliot is an annoying character, yes, but he is also complaining about the world, in fact, he doesn't miss any opportunity to do so. He says at the very beginning that he has cerebral palsy but that he wishes to be treated like everyone else, he doesn't want people to feel sorry for him, and it's understandable. But then, all of a sudden, he changes his mind and now he is telling you that this world is not designed for people with disabilities—which is something that I totally understand, I get it—but also that people don't seem to see him enough. He talks about his condition once and again and again, perhaps quite a few times, however, he had said he didn't want us to see him as someone different, but either I missed the point, or I was distracted by the amount of unpleasant situations that were frequently taking place, but Elliot doesn't seem to be sure about what he really wants. Besides, his development as a character was almost nothing, very shallow indeed; as for the ending, it was disappointing and awful, as if this story eventually became a fairy tale.
I still don't understand why in contemporary books adult characters behave as if they were children or mean teenagers; these days it is a commonplace to portray characters that are acting so immature and stupid, so why are authors still doing that? Plus, those chapters where we get to see Elliot in his job, holy cow!, what a terrible work environment that is. An employer making an employee have a breakdown and then laughing at him, I don't doubt there are such situations in real life, but again, I didn't get the point of all this stuff here.
Finally, and this is even funny because I can take it seriously, this book is supposed to be inclusive, and it is to a certain point, unless you are a white, straight man, in that case we don't care about you... Really?! As a gay man myself, whose closest male friends are all straight—by the way, if this book describes a type of gay culture I don't know, that is furthermore supposed to be real, I'd rather live my own 'gay culture,' whatever that means, than find out this other one—I couldn't help but be dumbfounded by the amount of negative things the protagonist says about straight men. It is disgusting the way this book describes them, saying that 'straight guys suck. We have our own culture and it’s way better.' But why is our culture better? That doesn't say.
All in all, this book was a big disappointment to me, perhaps the worst novel I've read since April—or was it May?—2022 when I read another contemporary story about, wait for it, toxic and problematic relationships too. Just by Looking at Him was supposed to be an entertaining, addictive novel and turned out to be a dull, poorly written book. It is by no means inclusive, nor is a story where you can relate to the characters or their lives. Everything is too plastic for you to do so. At this point I was just wondering, why is the protagonist telling us the cost of everything he is buying, even, for instance, a salad or a brunch, if it is crystal clear that he is a wealthy guy from the very beginning? It seems like this book also needed an editor.
My rating on a scale of 1 to 5:
Quality of writing [1.5/5]
Pace [2/5]
Plot development [1/5]
Characters [1/5]
Enjoyability [1.5/5]
Insightfulness [1/5]
Easy of reading [2/5]
Photos/Illustrations [N/A]
Total [10/7] = 1.42
August 27, 2022
“𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙗𝙟𝙚𝙘𝙩: 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛”
‘Just By Looking at Him’ follows Elliot who is a successful queer disabled TV writer in his 30s who is navigating his own insecurities, addictions, and the desire to cheat on his boyfriend with several sex workers.
Ryan has a distinct voice and humor which I really enjoyed. However, while his humor added levity to the story, the themes were actually very meaningful and thoughtful — from internalized ableism to his relationship with alcohol.
Lines like these made me laugh:
“-𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙢 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙏𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧: 𝙖 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣”
“𝙂𝙪𝙨 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣”
While these were witty and more nuanced:
“-𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙛 𝙚𝙣𝙫𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙬𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙪𝙣𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙙𝙢𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙧𝙨. 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚? 𝙄 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣, 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙. 𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨”
His relationship with Gus showed the importance on reflecting the role you play in the dissolution of a relationship. No one is entirely innocent and it is very difficult to call it quits when you love them but your desire for them has shifted.
Elliot’s journey to coming to terms with his relationship with alcohol honestly felt relatable as we exist in a society that promotes drinking as a personality while ignoring the very clear connections to covering up deeper issues.
Many people struggle with rejection and it often feels very personal, especially if you are from a marginalized group. The disabled community has been historically desexualized which can lead to a more complex perspective on being objectified — as long as it's on your own terms, knock yourself out! The sentiment that stuck with me is that even though sometimes rejection can feel like a reinforcement of societal views towards you, that is too strong a burden to force yourself to carry.
The internalized ableism was interesting and layered. When there are parts of you that society doesn’t accept, it can create a subconscious desire to project hate and distance from those that remind you of the part that you try to hide from. But by loving people that look like you, that is how you learn to love yourself.
The story overall provides a fresh and humorous take on very important themes that make this book one of my favorites of the year! It was so fun living in Elliot’s head - I didn’t want it to end.
‘Just By Looking at Him’ follows Elliot who is a successful queer disabled TV writer in his 30s who is navigating his own insecurities, addictions, and the desire to cheat on his boyfriend with several sex workers.
Ryan has a distinct voice and humor which I really enjoyed. However, while his humor added levity to the story, the themes were actually very meaningful and thoughtful — from internalized ableism to his relationship with alcohol.
Lines like these made me laugh:
“-𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙢 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙏𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧: 𝙖 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣”
“𝙂𝙪𝙨 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣”
While these were witty and more nuanced:
“-𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙛 𝙚𝙣𝙫𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙬𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙪𝙣𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙙𝙢𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙧𝙨. 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚? 𝙄 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣, 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙. 𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨”
His relationship with Gus showed the importance on reflecting the role you play in the dissolution of a relationship. No one is entirely innocent and it is very difficult to call it quits when you love them but your desire for them has shifted.
Elliot’s journey to coming to terms with his relationship with alcohol honestly felt relatable as we exist in a society that promotes drinking as a personality while ignoring the very clear connections to covering up deeper issues.
Many people struggle with rejection and it often feels very personal, especially if you are from a marginalized group. The disabled community has been historically desexualized which can lead to a more complex perspective on being objectified — as long as it's on your own terms, knock yourself out! The sentiment that stuck with me is that even though sometimes rejection can feel like a reinforcement of societal views towards you, that is too strong a burden to force yourself to carry.
The internalized ableism was interesting and layered. When there are parts of you that society doesn’t accept, it can create a subconscious desire to project hate and distance from those that remind you of the part that you try to hide from. But by loving people that look like you, that is how you learn to love yourself.
The story overall provides a fresh and humorous take on very important themes that make this book one of my favorites of the year! It was so fun living in Elliot’s head - I didn’t want it to end.
September 23, 2022
Not perfect (the short chapters sometimes make it feel not like a novel, but a collection of anecdotes; some of the preachy bits are a bit heavy-handed), but worth the while: With JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM, Ryan O'Connell has written a funny, very readable 2020s parody of gay thirty-something city life, from the perspective of a white, privileged, gay cis male with cerebral palsy. Reading strongly recommended.
August 9, 2022
I can’t lie, I really struggled with this book. The main character is extremely unlikeable. The story lacks structure (and a plot, or anything to give it forward momentum), the characterisations are weak, the jokes are… well, some of them are funny… but they’re all pop culture references that are very hit and miss (and are going to date this book terribly).
I wanted to like this. I think the cerebral palsy representation and conversation was great. That’s the highlight of the book. Everything else was a hard pass. I really struggled to finish this.
I wanted to like this. I think the cerebral palsy representation and conversation was great. That’s the highlight of the book. Everything else was a hard pass. I really struggled to finish this.
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