Overall Rating: 3.25 ☆
Meh. I was so excited to read this, but it wasn’t what I was hoping for. I was initially drawn to it for the Harley Quinn vibes and maybe some Bonnie and Clyde vibes (though they were both very much NOT present).
What I got was indeed a toxic mess of a story but one that failed to captivate me in the toxic ways I was actually hoping for.
The FMC Tessa is a nurse at Blackthorne Prison and married to the warden. Her husband is extremely abusive. (That’s actually one thing the book did right. It did not shy away from depicting those sensitive scenes. It also did not underestimate or overexaggerate them!) When a new prison inmate develops an unhealthy attraction to Tessa, the game begins. Will he kiss away her wounds or create more?
“I’m not too closed off that I don’t acknowledge the rush of tenderness I felt the moment I realized he’d paid such attention to me, but that’s a dangerous emotion.”
“What is broken inside me that I look for love in the worst places? Was it programmed inside me from birth or is it a product of my parent’s neglect? Am I just so fucked up that I’ll take affection wherever I can get it, even if it’s from the worst possible source?”
The first half was mostly engaging, and I found I could even relate to Tessa’s life as a nurse and with her living in an abusive marriage. I, myself am a nurse who has also been in an abusive relationship, and can attest that even the field of nursing itself is very abusive! But the second half really lost me and failed to make any sense. I never even identified a real plot. The FMC did have some interesting character development, but it felt very exaggerated and questionable. Though I’ll admit that her survival skills were pretty impressive and intelligent.
“I think crossing the professional line, realizing I’m capable of terrible things, has done something to my brain.”
“There’s less chance of my having the hope of a better life if all the nothingness blurs together.”
What to Expect:
• Prison Inmate Dark Romance**
• Piercings (special ones…I considered this part educational for me)
• HEA
• Trigger Warnings (Big one that even triggered me: domestic violence/spousal abuse – I had a couple of nightmares while reading this!)
• Standalone
• Some good spicy scenes
** So, this was my first prison inmate romance read! Though the idea is exciting, I appreciate how the author didn’t romanticize it. There were some highly manipulative moments and it made me wonder if Tessa ever felt any sense of freedom at all. It almost felt like she just moved from one prison to another. Bleh.
Time for my little venting session:
Some have stated they do not understand why the FMC did not just up and leave her abusive husband since they didn’t have any kids. Coming from personal experience (as a victim in an abusive relationship WITHOUT kids that stayed in it for 11 years), this type of mentality triggers me to no avail. Let me enlighten those that do not have enough brain cells or empathy to understand such a toxic situation. Some common reasons a victim stays in such a relationship (even without kids!!) are as follows:
~ Victim is in fear for their life. Often times, the abuser threatens to kill the victim and/or their loved ones if they try to leave them.
~ Victim may be financially dependent on the abuser and have no support system or safe place to escape to.
~ Victim may suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses that impede them from recognizing and leaving the situation.
~ Many victims live in a state of shock and survival often times with a false sense of hope the abuse will stop or the abuser will change.
~ Victim may be trapped in a state of denial and not see what’s happening to them and/or accept that this is their reality.
~ Many victims develop a low self worth and feelings of deep shame about being in the abusive situation. They may even hold on solely due to the fear of hearing, “I told you so.”
~ Victim may feel sorry for the abuser and make excuses to justify their behaviors and even blame themselves for the abuser’s actions.
~ Victims may come from backgrounds of previous forms of abuse and be stuck in a repeat cycle of trauma.
The reasons could go on and on…..
All this has brought up a lot about my own past. As sensitive as it is to talk about it, I feel obligated to write about all my thoughts and feelings related to this story.
The first time I was physically abused in my previous relationship (kicked in my stomach repeatedly to be exact) was on my one year anniversary, and to say I was shocked is an understatement. All sense of myself ceased to exist in that very moment. I was broken. It was the beginning of an end of who I was and of who I would become. 10 long years after and many abusive encounters later, I continued down that same path alone, lost, and afraid. I was robbed of my happiness and lost my sense of trust in everyone. Some days, I still relive that abuse. I suffer from PTSD, and more often than not I am full of unresolved rage.
Fortunately, unlike so many other victims (which breaks and saddens my heart), I now rest in peace and am trying to regain the many years I lost (wasted) as I am now happily married and in a safe relationship where my current husband feeds me with constant reassurance, unconditional love and acceptance of who I am, and emotionally supports me in all the ways I had cried for during my entire previous life. He has worked with me through all my constant apologies, my low self worth, my depression, my lingering and irrational fears. He was and still is my savior. I never would have had the courage to get out of my situation had it not been for my husband today.
I know all victims will someday know peace and safety…even unconditional love whether it happens in this life or the next one.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, sounding drowsy.
“Why good things happen to some people and not to others.”