How to Talk to Girls and Lizards

by David Thorne

Love is like cleaning out a garage; you have to move stuff around to put other stuff where the first stuff was. Eventually you purchase a multipurpose storage rail system from Lowes and there’s a proper spot for stuff and you’re going to keep it clean this time, you just need a few more of the rail things - maybe a couple of the prongs and the one shaped like an S. What is that for? Is it to hold a rake? Nobody knows and nobody has a perfectly clean garage; leaves blow in, stuff doesn’t get put away because you’re going to use it again in a minute, and you have to keep the offcuts of wood covered in spider webs just in case you decide to build a birdhouse.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction

218 pages, Hardcover

Published December 7, 2023

About the author

David Thorne is an Australian humourist, satirist, Internet personality and New York Times best-selling author. His work has been featured on the BBC, The Late Show with David Letterman, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Thorne gained public recognition in late 2008 for an email exchange in which he attempts to pay an overdue bill with a drawing of a seven-legged spider. The exchange spread virally via email and social networking sites, leading to a surge of visitors to his website 27b/6 (27bslash6). 27b/6 features a collection of humorous emails and articles from Thorne's life. These and additional essays appear in Thorne's book, The Internet is a Playground. Published by Penguin Group and released on 28 April 2011, the book debuted at number four on The New York Times Best Seller list.

Reviews

[Darcy]

I feel way more confident talking to other lizards after reading this book.

[Kimmy C]

Usually (and I have the whole set), David Thorne’s book have me snickering and snorting as I inhale the book in one sitting, but this missed the mark a bit - all the usual suspects are there, interactions with his son, Seb, and partner Holly, the assorted crew at work complete with emails, and some random delving into his past, but this one was a bit lacking for me. Will still shelve it with aforementioned set (rather than the other option - save to give to dogs’ home jumble sale), and will line up like a Krispy Kreme fanboi for the next one, likely this time next year.

[Eamonn McHugh-Roohr]

It's been a while since I read a Thorne book, and maybe that's the best way to enjoy them so the shock stays fresh. I think his writing has matured-the tangents are now delicate, elegantly timed and placed things. He weaves a tapestry of stories within stories like Rothfuss, but all in service of wicked punchlines and subtle callbacks. He's all cinicisim on the surface, but it belies a deep humanity. His stories always express something about the way we are. Call him the new David Sedaris.

[Sarah C.]

Fat, Albanian midgets are people too

I am a fat, Albanian midget and I laughed. Also, lizards have ears, they just don't have ear holes. Also, also, shame about the syphilis.

[Claire Q]

David Thorne is one of two authors whose books consistently make me actually laugh out loud.

[Peter]

I'll always read his annual release, but this one felt lazier than usual. A few solid laugh out loud moments, but a lot of it felt like mediocre filler or just sad stories altogether.

[Em]

If this is your first book from David Thorne, it's a bit more complicated to explain. So let's assume it's not your first, in which case it's easy: it's like the others from before, but more recent. And still quite very good to read, so I recommend it wholeheartedly.

To put it in Abraham Franklin's words: "David Thorne is the most talented Venetian from Australia to have written a book about how to talk to girls and lizards. Or at least in the top 5 for sure!"

[Ron]

Typical David Thorne book. Cringeworthy funny and not for the easily offended.

[Alex Clark]

I now know how to talk to lizards. But not girls.