Ah, I've finally stumbled upon one of the "terrible" Goosebumps books I've heard so much about. In How to Kill a Monster, Gretchen and her stepbrother Clark's parents have a work emergency and have to fly to Atlanta for several days. So Gretchen and Clark are forced to stay with their reclusive, "weird" (their words) grandparents, who nonsensically live in an enormous stone castle, in the middle of a swamp, in the middle of nowhere. As you can probably figure out by the cover art alone, there is a monster living in the house, which eventually escapes, leaving Gretchen and Clark to try to survive.
I really didn't like this book. At this point in the series (Book 46) you can tell Stine is running out of ideas, as the setup of and characters in this book are incredibly similar to the previous Goosebumps book I just finished, The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight. Two siblings, one boy and one girl, forced to go visit their grandparents, who happen to live in a remote setting isolated from society. One of them has curly hair, one has straight hair. The boy is really whiney and annoying. These things were all identical between the two books. It just felt lazy.
Stine's writing was also very lazy in this book; he used an incredibly limited and repetitive vocabulary, as if he only knew how to say two or three words to portray certain things, and he repeated them dozens of times: shuddered, groaned, moaned, etc. It was really annoying and, to me, lazy, like he wasn't even trying.
The story is also completely ridiculous, and not in a fun, goofy way, but in a "this doesn't make sense, doesn't work, and is just plain bad" way. Like, why do two elderly grandparents need such an enormous castle to live in? The story frequently points out how enormous it is, saying that some single rooms are bigger than Gretchen and Clark's entire house. Why do two retired, elderly people need to live in a castle that big? And they're isolated from humanity. It's not like they can take care of it themselves, and there's no one around to come help them with that. And a castle? In a swamp? In modern day America? Is that even a thing? When I Google "swamp house", all the images are of wood houses that are falling apart; not a single one was a stone structure. It's laughably unrealistic and just comes across as stupid.
And the decisions the grandparents make in this book! They make absolutely NO sense! None whatsoever. And the ending was just plain horrible; it's one of the worst endings I've ever read in a book, ever. To top it off, Stine barely described the monster, so when it finally did appear in the story I couldn't really get a good picture in my head of what it looked like, and my imagination's monster just looked silly, based on Stine's lazy and minimal description. I wish he had spent even one more paragraph to describe the monster more; it could have made the book a bit creepier.
Boring, repetitive, nonsensical, and not scary at all, How to Kill a Monster is the worst Goosebumps book I've read to date.
CAWPILE rating:
Characters: 3.5
Atmosphere / Setting: 3.0
Writing Style: 5.5
Plot: 3.0
Intrigue: 2.5
Logic / Relationships: 1.5
Enjoyment: 3.0
= 22 total
÷ 7 categories = 3.14 out of 10
= 2 stars