Marriage Is Like Dancing

by Richard C. Eyer

Marriage Is Like Dancing uses the biblical themes of the image of God and the mystery of the one flesh union of marriage to assert that marriage is not whatever we choose to make of it, but it is what God has made it to be. Readers will identify with the sometimes humorous, sometimes difficult, nature of dancing that parallels the humorous and difficult nature of marriage. This is not a book on how to fix a bad marriage, but how to support a good marriage. Newlyweds who want to get started in building a good marriage will also find this book useful. The author shares personal illustrations from his own marriage and offers a discussion guide for couples. Each chapter opens with a short story about dancing which leads into a discussion on marriage.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction

176 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2007

Reviews

[Rick Stuckwisch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've actually been interested in reading this book since it first came out, many years ago (2007), but it's taken me till now to do so. In some ways, that delay was probably helpful, not only because I've grown and matured in my own marriage and my understanding of marriage in that time, but also because I've had several of my children in ballet over this past decade, which has given me a much greater appreciation for dance than I had ever had before. In particular, watching my daughter partner with young men who were courteous, respectful, and honorable in their dancing with her, and now also seeing my own son serve as such a dance partner for other young ladies, the comparison of dancing and marriage makes good and intuitive sense to me. The author references ballroom dancing, not ballet, but many of the analogies cross those distinctions easily enough. The author, Richard Eyer, has done a fine job in using the analogy to describe and illuminate the roles of husband and wife in holy marriage, thankfully without overdoing it or forcing the comparisons beyond what they can bear. In some chapters the connections are numerous and clear, in others more subtle and slight. The end result is an engaging and interesting book, well written and easy to read, and really an excellent and salutary discussion of holy marriage from a forthright Christian perspective. As the author indicates, it is not written as a remedy for troubled marriages, but with a view toward helping husbands and wives with good marriages to learn and grow together in making their marriages even better. I found the book to be helpful, and I recommend it highly.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some helpful ideas but they are often lost in the shadow of the dance metaphor.

[Joseph R. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Richard Eyer's book draws a nice parallel between dancing (particularly ball room dancing) and being married. The couple needs to communicate and to known their individual roles and routines in order for things to go smoothly. A lot of effort and practice is needed to get to a comfortable, expert level. Even becoming more proficient is not a guarantee against the occasional mistake. A fun-filled and forgiving attitude is required for both dance partners and married couples.

The simile goes deeper. He talks about the dance role of the man (the leader) and the woman (the follower) and how those roles parallel the headship of the husband and the obedience of the wife. Aware of their roles, things work out better. Of course, at times the woman/wife needs to lead and the man/husband follow. Having a proper connection makes such times natural.

Eyer often mentions how we are made in the image of God but never articulates how that is significant for his argument. He references St. Paul's idea that the husband/wife relationship is a reflection of Christ's relationship to the church, but that is a different principle. It leads to some mixed results. When he talks about a spouse dying, he says, "In marriage between a Christian husband and wife the surviving spouse will be able to continue the dance of life with the Lord as stand-in partner." [pp. 135-136] I find this very awkward and untrue. The grace of God is always there, before and after the death of a spouse, it doesn't sudden become a substitute for the loss. God's grace should help in the loss just as it helps in all of life's trials. On the other hand (and the other page, 137), Eyer understands the Christian notion of the afterlife so well:

In the resurrection, my wife and I will see each other again, not as husband and wife, but as something more. Our love for each other will be greater then than it is now, as it will be with all who are one in Christ. As much as I love my wife, I do not look to heaven to see her as my wife, but to see her with the Lord. She will see me with Him also and our joy will be greater than it is now. [p. 137]

The good simile between marriage and dancing is fascinating but gets stretched a bit, at time too much. I liked this book but didn't love it.

The book does have an appendix with study questions for couples reading the book. The author does not recommend using it in a group setting since the questions are personal and focused on the needs of an individual couple.

[Craig Toerpe · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first exposure to the author, was actually in college. Rev. Eyer was my Medical Ethics course instructor while attending Concordia University Wisconsin. This book served as the theme for St. John's 2013 Couple's Retreat. The book goes into great detail about the roles husbands and wives share in marriage. Although the book is an easy read, the book is convicting. I will be the first to admit I am not the perfect husband, and the author allows you to wrestle with examples in your marriage in which you and your spouse are "leading and following" well, or maybe not so well.