“God bless libraries.”
I haven't been to a library in so long because the closest one is so far, and it makes me so sad because I love them 😭
Anyways, this is my second Ali Hazelwood book, the first being The Love Hypothesis, which I adored. I really want to read Love, Theoretically, but I haven't gotten around to it, but I will someday. I am honestly pretty disappointed in this, since I've been expecting this book since it first was announced, and since the cover was first revealed, and I was so excited!
But alas
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Plot
I'm usually pretty good at reading contemporaries or romances because the plot is super easy to follow, and that's exactly what this was.
Except for all that chess lingo. I haven't played chess a day in my life, and I never intend to after learning what I have in this book. The game can go on for over six hours?? That's not happening, I think I'll stick to my little checkers board thank you very much.
Anyways, back to the plot, I thought it was nice and simple, and great for a quick read.
Now, my complaint is the fact that sometimes, authors write YA as if it's a middle grade novel. This book borders on the edge of YA and New adult or adult, because while it's advertised as YA, and the main character is 18, some of the jokes and scenes weren't very YA-ish. The only thing that stopped it from being new adult was the fade to black scene. I don't really care, because I can't lie, I was disappointed when I found out this book was YA. It probably would've been better if it was adult, because some of those stupid childish jokes would've been cut out. I don't know why people think that YA is geared towards more childish jokes, YA is not only being read by children.
Here are some examples! I'm sorry.
“This morning my roommate repeatedly farted on my pillow because I dared to ask her not to practice her xylophone at 5:30 am.”
this one legitimately made me close my eyes, close my book, and take a deep, long breath. Fart jokes became old in elementary school, and even then, I despised them.
“Unclench your butthole, Mallory.”
shut up
“When he swallows, his throat bobs, a strong, mesmerizing movement that I notice because . . . I’m going bananapants?”
actually shut up
welcome back to elementary school kids! I hope you have a FABULOUS VISIT
there were too many fart jokes to count in one scene, and it made me want to walk all the way to the lake outside my house and chuck the book into it.
and want to see one of the first sentences in the book?
“Mrs. Agarwal is at her desk, pretending to grade papers but probably reading Bill Nye erotic fanfiction.”
well then !
I will admit....some scenes made me laugh. The book did get better as it progressed, which is the reason it has 3 stars instead of 2 ☺
Oh, and I know Ali Hazelwood gets talked about for always making her male characters huge and her female characters tiny, so I tallied out how many times Nolan was described in any way as "big" or big compared to the main character, and I have concluded that it was around 13. Take that information and do what you will.
Also, there were so many pop culture references in this that it was crazy. TikTok was mentioned a few times, and I didn't really care, which was surprising, but it got annoying to an extent, and then Taylor Swift was mentioned, but of course I didn't mind that, have you seen the Taylor's Version in my name? There were a lot of other bands and modern stuff, and this is why I stick to fantasy, where none of this is ever mentioned 😌 (I will admit, I liked the talk about Timothée Chalamet, only because I had his statistics song stuck in my head.)
do not get me started on the Percy Jackson reference, I'm trying to wipe it from my memory please and THANK YOU. I don't remember it all, but there's some about reading erotic Percy Jackson fanfics and having him and someone sixty-nine. I'm not ok at the moment, save Percy.
I don't remember who he's doing that with, I'd rather not know anyways
“because when I asked myself if I had the right to those tears, the answer was always no, and it was easy to stop myself.”
shut the hell up
Sorry if I run out of quotes halfway through the review, there's like none in the quotes section and I don't want to go back into the book.
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The Characters
I hated Mallory so much in the beginning of the book. She was getting on my nerves with her stupid attitude. I get that she was going through a lot, and I understand that, but she was so negative that even I, the queen of negativity, was flabbergasted. She believed the worst of everyone and everything, and it happened so often that I wanted to scream. Thankfully, she got better, like way better, and the end of the book. We love a good character development.
Now Nolan's situation is complicated for me, because I'd easily fall in love with him, BUT, that is also the name of a close family member to me 😃 so let me tell you, my inner conflict was going crazy during certain parts of the story, because I loved him as a character, I love the tall, dark, and handsomes, especially when they're mysterious and cold, but I just couldn't get past that his name was someone I was related to! For this reason, he will not be added to my list of book boyfriends.
I really liked the side characters, and Oz was the best character hands down. When he told Mallory off, I was grinning so hard because he was just saying facts and putting that girl in her place, and it was so satisfying.
SABRINA WAS A BITCH THOUGH. I don't care if she's fourteen years old and some fourteen year olds are bitches, but she was so rude, I couldn't stand it.
“I think about a deserted chessboard. Only the white king on it, standing on the home square. Alone, untethered, safe from threats. Free to roam.”
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The Romance
I will admit, I did find the romance quite cute. A tad unrealistic, a tad fast, but it'd make me boring if I nit-picked based on just those two things, so I'll let it slide. The tension between them was pretty well created, and some of their scenes actually made me giggle, which is the best thing ever in a romance book.
Of course, this book also came with the good ol' second act drama. I think it was kind of a miscommunication, but Mallory also really overreacted, because based on her need for money at the time, I don't see why she would've gotten upset, or maybe I'm just not that kind of person 😭
I'm also quite annoyed at the fact that we didn't get a solid reunion at the end. I had to read a "two years later" epilogue written in NEWSPAPER FORM. I DON'T CARE I WANT TO SEE THEM INTERACTING AS AN ACTUAL COUPLE.
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overall, unless you love YA that's on the way way upper side of YA but also has a ton of elementary school jokes that will make you want to throw the book into a lake and has a main character that you want to throw in the lake with said book, I'd recommend skipping on this one.
save yourself
this review made me angry, so I'm deducting my rating to 2.5 stars
2.5 stars
Instead of putting a quote, I will be putting all of the pop culture references I found while flipping through again! I definitely missed some, but trust me, there's a lot. Enjoy because I certainly didn't: Bill Nye erotic fanfic, Zendaya, Harry Styles (x2), Billie Eilish, BTS (x2), TikTok (x14), ChessTok, (all of this was in the PROLOGUE y'all), Dragon Age (mentioned numerous times), Paris Hilton, Timothée Chalamet (x3), VSCO, the Avengers, Michelle Obama, Malala (x2), tentacle porn (um), Veronica Mars (x2), Candy Crush (x5), Jane Goodall, something about having a foursome with a sapoisexual furry, Thanos and Tony Stark, The Hunger Games, Spider-Man, Fast & Furious, the Jennifer Lawrence Oscars mishap, Lilo & Stitch, Krispy Kreme, the Powerball, Homeland Security, Riverdale (multiple times), details about Riverdale, Cole Sprouse, Lara Jean (referring To All the Boys I've Loved Before), Jeff Bezos (x2), AO3, Snapchat, Tinder, Tom Hanks, Justin Bieber, Michael Phelps, Goodreads (wow), Vanity Fair (multiple), Mother Theresa, IHOP (a few times), Etsy, Suavage by Christian Dior, Discord, Corpse Bride (x2), Doom Patrol, Jungkook, Piggie-Tinder, Photoshop, Bill Gates, an Adam Driver meme (how funny), PS5, ASMR, Taylor Swift (x2), Meghan Markle, Percy Jackson
I think I just blacked out.
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alright, i guess i need to read another book to make sure i don't end the year with a mediocre rating.
i've been talking a lot of crap on this book, but i will say, despite everything i've said, i liked mallory's character development.
though i will also say, this book does not deserve to be the winner of the awards this year
rtc
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pre-read: oh my gosh COVER! it's actually so cute, I love the background colors